Tech expert shares the one message that actually convinces teens to reconsider their screentime

“How you spend this time will determine the quality of your life.”

teen screen time, smartphone addiction, Project Reboot, kids and technology, how to reduce screen time
Dino Ambrosi speaks at a school assemblyPhoto credit: Dino Ambrosi (used with permission)

In a 2023 TEDx Talk at Laguna Blanca School, Dino Ambrosi made a startling revelation that perfectly underlines the big question of the smartphone era: What is my time worth? Ambrosi is the founder of Project Reboot and an expert at guiding teens and young adults to develop more empowering relationships with technology.

Assuming the average person now lives to 90, after calculating the average time they spend sleeping, going to school, working, cooking, eating, doing chores, sleeping, and taking care of personal hygiene, today’s 18-year-olds have only 334 months of their adult lives to themselves.

“How you spend this time will determine the quality of your life,” Ambrosi says. However, given today’s young people’s tech habits, most of those months will be spent staring at screens, leaving them with just 32 months to make their mark on the world. “Today, the average 18-year-old in the United States is on pace to spend 93% of their remaining free time looking at a screen,” Ambrosi says.

dino ambrosi, teens and technology, smartphone addiction
An 18-year-old’s remaining time, in months. via TEDx

The idea that an entire generation will spend most of their free time in front of screens is chilling. However, the message has a silver lining. Sharing this information with young people can immediately impact how they spend their time.

How to get teens to reduce their screentime

Ambrosi says his work with Project Reboot through on-campus initiatives, school assemblies, and parent workshops has taught him that teens are more concerned about time wasted on their phones than the damage it may do to their mental health. Knowing which topic resonates can open the door to an effective dialogue about a topic that’s hard for many young people to discuss. When teens realize they are giving away their entire lives for free, they are more likely to reconsider their relationship with smartphones.

“I actually don’t get through to a lot of teens, as well as when I help them realize the value of their time and then highlight the fact that that time is being stolen from them,” Ambrosi told Upworthy.

A Common Sense Media study shows that, as of 2021, the average 13- to 18-year-old spent 8 hours and 39 minutes a day on entertainment screen time.

“It’s important to get them to view time as their most valuable resource that they can use to invest in themselves or enjoy life and tick the boxes on their bucket list. I really want them to see that it’s something they should take control of and prioritize, because we’re all under the impression that social media is free, but it’s actually not. We just pay for it with our time.”

dino ambrosi, project reboot, teens smartphones, screentime, tech companies, quality of life

Dino Ambrosi speaks at a school assembly. via Dino Ambrosi (used with permission)

Ambrosi believes that young people are less likely to give their time to tech companies for free when they understand the value of their time. “I find that kids really respond to that message because nobody wants to feel manipulated, right? And giving them that sense of being wronged, which I think they have been, by tech companies that are off operating on business models that are not aligned with their well-being, is important.”

His approach to getting teens to rethink their smartphone use is similar to that of the Truth Initiative in that it educates young people about the nefarious tactics big tobacco companies used to lure and addict young people. In a way, big tech companies are doing the same thing by luring young people into their products, connecting them with friends and influencers, while providing a product that rearranges their brain chemistry.

He also believes parents should be sympathetic and nonjudgmental when talking to young people about screen time because it’s a struggle that just about everyone faces and feels ashamed about. A little understanding will prevent them from shutting down the conversation altogether.

 

How to reduce my screentime

Ambrosi has some suggestions to help people reduce their screentime.

The ClearSpace app

ClearSpace forces you to take a breathing delay before using a distracting app. It also asks you to set a time limit and allows you to set a number of visits to the site per day. If you eclipse the number of visits, it sends a text to a friend saying you exceeded your budget. This can help people hold one another accountable for their screen time goals.

Don’t sleep with your phone

Ambrosi says to charge your phone far away from your bedside stand when you sleep and use an alarm clock to wake up. If you do have an alarm clock on your phone, set up an automation so that as soon as you turn off the alarm, it opens up an app like Flora or Forest and starts an hour-long timer that incentivizes you to be off your phone for the first hour of the day.

“In my experience, if you can stay off screens for the last hour and the first hour of the day, the other 22 hours get a lot easier because you get the quality rest and sleep that you need to wake up fully charged, and now you’re more capable of being intentional because you are at your best,” Ambrosi told Upworthy.

teens, smartphones, screentime, smartphones in bed, young man, mental health
A teen boy looks at his phone in bed. Photo credit: Canva

Keep apps in one place

Ambrosi says to keep all of your social apps and logins on one device. “I try to designate a specific use for each device as much as possible,” he told Upworthy. “I try to keep all my social media time and all my entertainment on my phone as opposed to my computer because I want my computer to be a tool for work.”

Even though there are significant challenges ahead for young people as they try to navigate a screen-based world while keeping them at a healthy distance, Ambrosi is optimistic about the future.

“I’m really optimistic because I have seen in the last year, in particular, that the receptiveness of student audiences has increased by almost an order of magnitude. Kids are waking up to the fact that this is the problem. They want to have this conversation,” he told Upworthy. “Some clubs are starting to address this problem at several schools right now; from the talks I’ve given this semester alone, kids want to be involved in this conversation. They’re creating phone-free spaces on college and high school campuses by their own accord. I just think we have a huge potential to leverage this moment to move things in the right direction.”

For more information on Ambrosi’s programs, visit ProjectReboot.School.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Chemical engineer breaks down the science behind the ‘impossible’ ice cream transfer trick
    How do both ice creams transfer equally?Photo credit: The Action Lab/YouTube
    ,

    Chemical engineer breaks down the science behind the ‘impossible’ ice cream transfer trick

    There’s a “surprisingly deep” explanation for how chocolate and vanilla transfer simultaneously.

    We live in an era of incredible scientific advancements, from genetic editing to immunotherapy to nanotechnology. And yet, even the simplest science experiments using basic materials can still blow our minds.

    People have been sharing what happens when you swipe two ice cream scoops against each other, with an unexpected result. It’s not surprising that some of one flavor transfers to the other. What’s weird is that both scoops transfer to each other, as if there’s an equal exchange of matter. How does that work?

    Dr. James Orgill, a chemical engineer behind The Action Lab, explains the “surprisingly deep” physics principle behind the “impossible” transfer. Part of his explanation gets highly technical, involving quantum mechanics and thermodynamics. But it essentially comes down to the difference between “mixing” and “stirring.”

    Orgill explains that when he first saw the ice cream transfer, he thought the chocolate and vanilla were mixing at the surface. “But the problem is that you can see that it’s not like a chocolatey-vanilla at the contact point,” he says in a YouTube video. “There’s still a clear layer of chocolate and a clear layer of vanilla.” 

    What’s actually happening relates to what Orgill calls “a surprisingly deep idea in physics,” which is how stirring and true mixing differ.

    “This difference at first seems pedantic, but you’ll see that it turns out to be a line between reversibility and irreversibility, between systems that remember their past and systems that forget it forever,” he explains. “And once you see it, it explains not just the ice cream, but everything from fluid flows to entropy itself.”

    Orgill demonstrates how stirring works by injecting blobs of dye into corn syrup suspended between two cylinders. As one cylinder spins, the colors stretch into layers and begin to mix. But when the motion is reversed, the dye blobs go back to their original places and shapes.

    “This tells us something important about stirring,” he says. “It is reversible in principle. As long as material is only being stretched and rearranged into layers, the persistent state still contains a record of the past. Stirred fluids can act like history books.”

    A scientist holds a flask in which blue dye has been dropped into a red liquid
    Stirring is reversible in theory. Mixing, not so much. Photo credit: Canva

    However, true mixing is a different story. The dye demonstration illustrates the principle of reversibility, but when you stir dye into a glass of water, it mixes so thoroughly that the process can’t be physically reversed.

    “Over time, especially when you’ve created lots of thin layers with lots of surface area, diffusion smooths everything out,” Orgill explains. “Diffusion is the random thermal motion of atoms and molecules. Statistically, two initially separate groups of particles will spread out and interpenetrate. Once that happens, there’s no way to reverse the process. True mixing has actually occurred.”

    Orgill then delves into the weeds of entropy, quantum mechanics, Loschmidt’s paradox, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, and the irreversibility of time. What does that have to do with ice cream? Well, not much, thankfully.

    Two waffle cones, one holding green ice cream and one holding red ice cream
    Swipe two ice creams together and see what happens. Photo credit: Canva

    “Luckily, our original ice cream experiment turns out to be a reversible process,” Orgill says. “What’s happening there is not mixing at the surface.”

    Using two pieces of Play-Doh, Orgill shows that the ice cream scoops are actually “gouging” one another, not mixing.

    “Imagine two spheres sliding past each other,” he explains. “As they pass, each sphere overhangs the edge of the other just a little bit. That overhanging section gets stressed out and torn loose. So instead of atoms diffusing together, the chocolate scoop rips a chunk out of the vanilla. And at the same time, the vanilla rips a chunk out of the chocolate. Those chunks get pressed onto the opposite surface at the same contact location. Both sides lose material and both sides gain material in the same spot. They’re not mixing. They’re taking bites out of each other.”

    He explains and demonstrates that the same thing would happen if two planets were to collide. Bringing it back to a much smaller scale, people in the comments also note that the same thing happens when two cars scrape against each other.

    Seeing Orgill’s models makes it easier to understand how such transfers happen. Essentially, the two objects smear a layer (ice cream, paint, or even planetary material) onto each other from opposite directions at the same time.

    From ice cream cones to quantum mechanics to colliding planets—isn’t science fun?

    You can follow The Action Lab on YouTube for more science explanations.

  • Communication expert shares 3-2-1 trick to stop rambling when put on the spot
    Women talking outside.Photo credit: August de Richelieu/Pexels

    Being a clear communicator is a powerful social skill. Not only does it build relationships, but it also creates authentic connections.

    But in high-pressure situations, confident speaking can start to crumble—we’ve all been there. For example, when talking to your boss or even on a first date.

    It’s easy to start rambling and jumbling your words. To prevent this, communication expert Vinh Giang shares a clever 3-2-1 speaking trick that can help anyone slow down and communicate clearly and concisely when it matters most.

    What is the 3-2-1 speaking trick?

    According to Giang, it starts with training your brain for moments when you feel put on the spot.

    “When someone asks you a question and you’re not prepared, what happens? Your brain hits the panic button,” he says in a YouTube video.

    As you struggle to verbalize your thoughts, you may start to ramble—which, Giang notes, can lead to frustration and embarrassment. To avoid feeling flustered, he offers a 3-2-1 framework to keep in mind when speaking off the cuff.

    “Without a communication framework to fall back on, your mind goes blank,” he explains.

    https://www.tiktok.com/@askvinh/video/7617451948157046023

    The 3-2-1 framework consists of 3 steps, 2 types, and 1 thing. Using the example of avocados, he explains how it works:

    1 thing

    “The one thing about avocados that I love is that it’s great on a keto diet,” says Giang.

    2 types

    He switches to “ways” instead of “types,” explaining that there are “two ways to eat avocados: you can smash it up or eat it like a fruit [apple].”

    3 steps

    Finally, he explains that there are three steps to preparing avocados: “First step, cut it in half. Step two, mash it up. Step three, salt, pepper, and lemon.”

    How to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick

    Giang shares another example of how to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick, this time using the topic of travel. In a clip from a conference, he invites an audience member to offer three responses for each part. Her answers show how the method works in a real-life scenario:

    1 thing

    “The one thing about travel is it’s magnificent,” the audience member says. “You can go anywhere you want.”

    2 types

    “The two types of travel are: you can travel regionally and you can travel internationally via a plane,” she says.

    3 steps

    “Three steps to travel is plan it, book it, go!” she shares.

    Giang congratulates her, noting, “That’s the difference between being prepared with a framework, because now you’re excited to communicate. When you’re not prepared, you’re not excited—you’re scared. You don’t want to communicate.”

    @askvinh

    The simple solution to stop rambling… If you want to learn what to say when you’re pausing and thinking, you need to learn how to use communication frameworks.

    ♬ original sound – Vinh Giang – Vinh Giang

    Viewers react

    In the comments, people shared their responses to Giang’s video:

    “I’m officially smarter than I was five minutes ago.”

    “For an overthinker, this is gold. Thank you tons.”

    “I’m 40 and honestly, this hits home. I’ve been in situations at work where I froze or rambled because my brain went blank under pressure. The 3-2-1 framework feels so practical and simple to apply—I actually tried it while watching and it gave me structure instantly. Definitely something I’ll practice more in meetings and daily conversations. Thanks for sharing this tool, Vin!”

    “Immediately used this in a daily mundane small talk conversation that I’m having with someone, and I realized it’s not that I don’t like small talk because I’m not interested with someone… It’s because I don’t know how to do it. Managed to turn small talk into a chain of small conversations that led to more concrete discussions. Thanks a lot for this tip!”

    “Yeah. This is a big problem that I have. For years I’ve struggled to communicate properly because my brain goes a thousand miles a minute and my mouth tries to keep up.”

  • Educational space-themed pajamas have 5 glaring flaws any 6-year-old could spot
    Solar system PJs have some questionable science.Photo credit: Impressive_Stress808/Reddit

    Children are all naturally born scientists, with an incredible curiosity about the world around them. As adults, our job is to foster that spark so they can carry it throughout their lives.

    “Kids are sources of chaos and disorder. Get over that fact,” science communicator Neil deGrasse Tyson said on the Impact Theory podcast. “Where does the disorder come from? It’s because they are experimenting with their environment. Everything is new to them, everything. Your job is less to instill curiosity than to make sure you don’t squash what is already there.”

    Another job we have as adults is to make sure children are learning science correctly, which is why a toddler’s pajama shirt featuring the solar system is going viral on Reddit. It seems nobody at the clothing manufacturer took the time to review the science behind the graphic. In fact, it’s safe to say most kids as young as six could easily spot the flaws in the PJs.

    5 mistakes on the shirt that are easy to spot

    1. Jupiter appears on the shirt as spotted, rather than striped as it does through a telescope. Although it’s known for its Great Red Spot, here it looks more like a strawberry.
    2. Saturn appears spotted, like a chocolate chip cookie, rather than banded as it does in real life.
    3. Neptune, a giant ice planet, is shown as cratered, like Mercury.
    4. Mercury, conversely, is shown as a black-and-blue striped planet, more like Neptune.
    5. Uranus is shown as the largest planet in the graphic, but in reality, it is about the same size as Neptune.

    This is total conjecture, but it seems the graphic designer may have mislabeled Mercury as Neptune and Neptune as Mercury.

    The actual solar system

    solar system, planets, sun, earth, science
    The solar system. Photo credit: Canva

    Reddit commenters also pointed out the questionable font, noting that the “o,” with its cursive-style tail, makes the word “moon” look like “Meeh.” And, to get super nitpicky, if this is meant to be an unbiased look at the solar system, why is there only one moon on the shirt when there are hundreds in our solar system, depending on how they’re defined?

    solar system, school project, solar system mode, planets, sun
    A boy making a model of the solar system. Photo credit: Canva

    The PJs’ astronomically incorrect design even bothered those in the scientific community.

    “As a professional science communicator who works a lot with space at this age group, I am disappointed to see an adult get something wrong that any 6-year-old in the U.K. would correct,” Dr. Mark Gallaway told Newsweek.

    Although the shirt may be wrong in many ways, it could be a blessing in disguise. The parent who purchased these PJs now has an opportunity for a teachable moment. They can take the pajamas and compare them to the actual solar system to see where the designer got things right or wrong. It’s also a chance to bring up one of the sad truths about the universe: Pluto isn’t among the PJ planets, because it was demoted. Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

  • Psychologist uncovers the unexpected reason we procrastinate and the trick to stopping it
    A woman sits at her desk, looking overwhelmed.Photo credit: Canva
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    Psychologist uncovers the unexpected reason we procrastinate and the trick to stopping it

    “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management.”

    Procrastination is more common than some might think. In fact, according to an article by Forbes senior contributor Bryan Robinson, more than 78 percent of working people procrastinate even though “it makes them anxious.” Some think it’s due to laziness, while others believe the anxiety itself creates a loop: they’re too anxious to get a task done, but not getting it done makes them even more anxious.

    However, one theory behind why people procrastinate turns the whole “laziness” argument on its head.

    Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist, shares a fascinating idea. In a comment attached to a clip posted on Instagram, he offers an entirely different view: “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. It is more often something much more subtle. If I finish this, then what? If the pile disappears, who am I without it?”

    He explains how having something that still needs to be tackled can feel like “proof” that we matter.

    “Unfinished tasks can start to feel like proof that we’re busy, needed, in motion. They create a kind of background hum of identity. As long as something is pending, we’re still becoming. Still almost there.”

    The fear of not existing

    In the video, Hanson says people procrastinate “even when there are no obstructions to completing something, because sometimes they’re kind of afraid, almost at a deep level, that if they complete things, they’ll disappear. There will be almost no more basis for being. It’s the incomplete cycles in their life—the unfinished tasks, the various piles here or there—that almost give them a sense of psychological substance and existence.”

    Hanson has ways to address this, and the first is to truly examine your motivations (or seemingly lack thereof).

    “Look closely and ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Do I go on existing because I have a number of undone tasks that I’m going to get to tomorrow or eventually? Is that why I keep on existing?’ Well, no. And notice the ways you can go on being. Or you have others you know who complete a lot of things, and they continue to exist just fine and really, quite happily.”

    He says we must rewrite our inner monologue.

    “Gradually realize for yourself, ‘Oh, I can complete these various tasks. And they then disappear from my life, understandably. I took care of it. And I’m still here, having a good time. And getting ready to accomplish the next important thing.’”

    The need to be busy

    Upworthy spoke with Cort M. Dorn-Medeiros, a professional counselor and addiction specialist, who first noted that there are many real reasons people might procrastinate.

    “Fear of failure, doubts about self-worth, perfectionist tendencies, emotional avoidance, and potential diagnoses such as attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).”

    That said, he does give credence to Hanson’s idea as well.

    “We have strong cultural messaging that if we are not doing something, if we are not being productive, then we are not useful. All of our human value lies in the ‘doing’ rather than the ‘being.’ A lot of this is derived from Internet-based hustle culture, where speed is prioritized above all else. Do more, make more money, and do it faster and faster.

    If we are left with nothing to do, then we are left sitting with our own thoughts and feelings. Procrastination is a good way to unconsciously avoid sitting with our feelings. If we are constantly focused on our to-do list and maintain it in a way that prevents progress by crossing things off, we manage our anxiety about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing.’”

    Matthew Baker, LCSW, tells Upworthy it’s all about avoidance.

    “Procrastination is almost always about avoiding something uncomfortable. For some people, finishing a project is what becomes the problem, not starting it. This is often because the brain gets rewarded from simply planning and organizing, even without actually doing anything. So some people avoid completing tasks because they’re already getting a sense of satisfaction from planning, and finishing means that this dopamine stream just…stops.”

  • Therapist explains surprisingly scientific reason we never stop loving the songs from our youth
    There's a scientific reason you can't stop listening to the songs you loved as a teen.Photo credit: Canva

    If you never seem to get tired of blasting the same handful of early 2000s songs—maybe the emo tones of My Chemical Romance or something a little more upbeat and ’90s like *NSYNC—it’s not just you.

    It’s no longer a mystery why so many of us seem to be “stuck” on the music we listened to as teens. Our musical tastes may evolve over time, and we always have room for new favorites (and a seemingly endless capacity in our brains for catchy lyrics), but there’s something about the songs of our youth that just hits different.

    What’s behind the phenomenon

    A therapist is going viral for explaining this phenomenon perfectly. It’s not just nostalgia, she says. It’s neuroscience.

    music, nostalgia, youth, culture, science, brain science, human behavior, neuroscience, psychology, throwback, millennials, 2000s
    Singing along to your teenage throwback songs is good for your brain. Photo credit: Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

    Nikki Roy is a therapist from Canada who specializes in helping her clients with “self esteem, confidence, identity, emotion work (lots of anger), living authentically, creating a life of alignment, and breaking free from the oppressive systems the world operates on,” according to an interview with CanvasRebel.

    She uses her vast social media following to break down big, complex topics in bite-sized ways that can reach and help a lot of people.

    Recently, she tackled a concept she calls “neural nostalgia.”

    “This is actually really well-researched,” she says in a recent Instagram Reel. “The research found that the music you listen to as an adolescent or teenager actually imprinted on your brain and nervous system differently than music you’ll ever listen to at any other time in your life.”

    She goes on to explain that when you’re a teenager, the pathways in your brain are still being built. The blueprint is still being developed, and it can be influenced by the music you listen to regularly. When you’re an adult and hear the music that, quite literally, “built you,” a lot of things come rushing to the surface.

    “Dopamine, seratonin, all those things start rushing back,” Roy says. “You literally feel it in your gut. That specific music does something to you.”

    According to Marble Wellness, “When we listen to music from our youth, several brain regions become active.” These include:

    • The hippocampus, where memories are formed and retrieved
    • The amygdala, which regulates emotions
    • The prefrontal cortex, which manages complex cognitive behaviors
    • Reward centers

    It’s no wonder that our entire brain and mood can light up just a few notes into one of our favorite throwback songs.

    “Music is my safe space”

    Roy says she likes to use neural nostalgia as a coping skill in her own life. She uses throwback tunes to boost her mood or process difficult emotions.

    “My car and music is my safe space,” she says. “And the music that got you through an especially hard time during that age, is probably always going to hit.”

    Fellow Millennials are feeling seen in the comments:

    “I have been listening to all the millennial jams lately and it has made my life so much lighter!”

    “When ‘it just hits different’ is backed by science”

    “When I was a kid I used to wonder why old people prefer to listen to their ‘old’ music when there’s so many good new music to listen to, now as and adult I fully get it”

    “yessss, i’ve been catching the sunset by the beach every evening in my ‘95 jeep with the top down blaring 90s R&B & 80s rock. i feel so whole. everything is like a nostalgic hug”

    “play your grandparents tunes from their teenage years too. they’ll light up”

    “Still knew every word”

    Some folks were fascinated by the fact that they could remember the lyrics of songs they hadn’t heard in 20 or 30 years.

    “I turned 38 yesterday and listened to the Space Jam soundtrack while I ran errands,” one commenter noticed. “Still knew every word but couldn’t remember my shopping list I wrote 30 mins before.”

    Song lyrics stick in our brains and are notoriously easy to remember. Musical melodies act as a “scaffolding” that helps us fill in the blanks, and the way music triggers emotions makes the words more memorable than other pieces of information.

    Those songs that imprinted on our brains while they were still developing? Their lyrics are so deeply embedded that they may never leave us, which is pretty incredible.

    In fact, this phenomenon may one day be useful for treating Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, and other memory diseases.

    More generally, neural nostalgia has a ton of benefits, according to Marble Wellness. Listening to the songs you loved as a teen can boost your mood, reduce stress, and even lessen feelings of loneliness. Even more powerfully, it can connect you to a sense of your authentic self—to who you were before the world shaped you, and to all the versions of yourself that came before and after.

    It’s heavy and complicated, but you know it when you feel it.

  • Behavioral expert reveals the number one question to instantly read someone
    Two women sitting at a table. Photo credit: Canva

    First impressions mean a lot. When you meet someone new, you’re probably trying to get a feel for who they are—and whether they’re trustworthy. It all comes down to noticing behaviors.

    Human behavior expert Chase Hughes explains how to read someone instantly. “Everyone wears some kind of a mask…a persona that I put onto the world,” he says in a YouTube video.

    Getting underneath that mask is what truly reveals who someone is and what they’re all about. Hughes explains that people build these masks to conceal shame.

    The #1 question to instantly read someone

    According to Hughes, there is one important question to keep in mind when trying to read someone: “What does this person want me to feel about them, and what do they want me to notice?”

    Hughes notes that this is the beginning of understanding why someone builds a mask based on shame.

    “Shame is ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I’m a bad person for doing that. I need to hide it,’” he shares, explaining that shame holds power in today’s culture because it has been institutionalized as a “public weapon.”

    The power of shame

    Shame creates cognitive dissonance, which Hughes notes is mental discomfort. “Mental discomfort says, ‘I don’t want to be this uncomfortable in front of people.’ That creates a mask,” he says.

    Understanding that most people wear a mask—a persona they present to the world—is key. From there, the task is determining how “thick” or “thin” that mask is and what it’s made of.

    “If I’m seeing somebody who’s acting like he’s posturing all the time—he’s yelling, he’s puffing his chest out—the mask is usually the opposite of what it’s concealing,” says Hughes. “So I’m seeing a fearful little boy.”

    Bumper-sticker alliteration

    Hughes gives another example of how to read someone’s mask by comparing it to a car covered in bumper stickers. He tells a story about pulling up behind a car with various bumper stickers that signal aspects of the driver’s identity, from “I Did Yosemite” to marathon stickers to ones that say “I Go Fishing.”

    He asks his kids what the stickers say about the driver, and his daughter replies that the person is adventurous. Hughes then asks what else it might mean, and she says it means the person can be trusted and would make a good friend. Hughes then gets to the point: if someone is a good friend, it means they need friends. In other words, that person is lonely.

    “The better you get at understanding humans, the more that you’re going to see loneliness, shame, and suffering,” says Hughes. “The way that I deal with loneliness, conceal shame, and anesthetize myself from suffering equals human behavior.”

    Reading for self-control

    Finally, Hughes notes that another thing to look for when reading a person is their level of self-control, which comes down to whether they are disciplined or not.

    To spot it, Hughes says that even if someone is a stranger, they will appear “more predictable in a good way. They’re more likely to be trustworthy because they already discipline themselves. They have self-control.”

    He notes that this is important in many areas where relationships matter, including business. If someone lacks self-control, Hughes says he tends to be more cautious around them.

  • Psychologists reveal the positive personality trait that childfree people share
    A couple taking a selfie on vacation.Photo credit: Canva

    People who choose to be childfree are often the subject of negative stereotypes. They are sometimes called “selfish” because they do not want to dedicate their lives to raising someone else. They may also be described as “cold” or too career-oriented.

    People who push them to reconsider (their in-laws, for example) often use scare tactics to get them to reproduce, such as: “Who will take care of you when you get old?”, “Your partner will leave you for someone who wants children,” or “When it’s too late, you’re going to regret your decision.”

    To put it simply, childfree people are often portrayed in a negative light. However, a recent study found that an amazingly positive trait lies at the root of choosing to be childfree: openness to experience.

    A woman on a hike. Photo credit: Canva

    Childfree people have a zest for life

    The big takeaway from the study is that the underlying personality trait among childfree people is not selfishness. Instead, they tend to have a strong curiosity about the world, which makes them more likely to travel, explore new ideas, and pursue short-term romantic relationships. Many childfree people want to live a carefree life of adventure and growth. Setting that aside for more traditional pursuits, such as raising children, may feel like too great a sacrifice.

    The American Psychological Association defines openness to experience as “a dimension of personality characterized by imagination, creativity, intellectual curiosity, and a preference for novelty and variety.”

    Jeffrey Davis, a writer at Psychology Today, calls it “the drive to explore novel aspects of human experience and the willingness to consider perspectives different than your own.”

    To study how openness to experience affects reproduction, Aleksandra Milić, a graduate student at the University of Pavia, and Janko Međedović, a professor at the Institute of Criminological and Sociological Research in Belgrade, surveyed 1,024 people online, with an average age of 32.3 years. The survey asked whether participants had any children and, if not, at what age they intended to have them. It also asked how many sexual partners they had and how long their longest romantic relationship had lasted.

    People who are open to experience have fewer children

    “The main takeaway from our findings is that, in our sample, people higher in Openness to Experience tended to have fewer children,” Milić told PsyPost. “Higher Openness was associated with later entry into parenthood, shorter romantic relationships, and less positive motivation to have children, all of which were linked to fewer children.”

    Childfree people on vacation. Photo credit: Canva

    The decision to have children can be difficult, especially for women, because the biological window is relatively short and few people want to enter their 50s with regrets. In addition, there is a significant amount of societal pressure and judgment placed on women who choose not to have children.

    The good news is that, for those who feel guilty or pressured into having children because they do not want to be seen as selfish, research suggests that selfishness is not the reason at all. Instead, it may simply be that the world is so big, beautiful, and full of opportunities that it would be a waste of a lifetime not to experience as much of it as possible.

  • The two-step test that accurately predicts longevity in women over 60
    A woman lifting weights in nature.Photo credit: Canva
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    The two-step test that accurately predicts longevity in women over 60

    It combines strength training and aerobic exercise without being strenuous.

    Nobody knows how many days they have on this earth, and, in a way, that makes every moment feel more valuable. Since we don’t know how much time we have, it’s best to cherish every moment on this beautiful planet with the people we love. It’s also a good idea to stay in shape so you can enjoy the greatest longevity possible.

    An interesting new study from the University at Buffalo involving 5,000 women cannot tell you the exact number of days you have left. Still, it suggests that after the age of 60, it is relatively easy to determine whether you can look forward to a long life. The study found that a two-step test—in which participants first demonstrate handgrip strength and then complete five consecutive sit-to-stand chair lifts—is a good indicator of longevity.

    seniors, longevity, strong woman, muscles, health
    A strong woman in her 60s. Photo credit: Canva

    Grip strength is a hallmark of longevity

    The study found that women with higher grip strength and faster sit-to-rise scores had a significantly lower risk of death over the next eight years. In fact, for every 15-pound increase in grip strength, mortality risk was reduced by 12%. Women who scored highest on grip strength had a 33% lower risk of death compared with those in the lowest group. For chair stands, moving from the slowest to the fastest time in six-second increments was associated with a 4% lower risk of death.

    “If you don’t have enough muscle strength to get up, it is going to be hard to do aerobic activities, such as walking, which is the most commonly reported recreational activity in U.S. adults ages 65 and older,” said study lead author Michael LaMonte, PhD, a research professor of epidemiology and environmental health in UB’s School of Public Health and Health Professions.

    “Muscular strength, in many ways, enables one to move their body from one point to another, particularly when moving against gravity,” LaMonte added. “Healthy aging probably is best pursued through adequate amounts of both aerobic and muscle-strengthening physical activities. When we no longer can get out of the chair and move around, we are in trouble.”

    How to improve grip strength

    Grip strength has come to be seen as an “indispensable” biomarker of aging because it reflects strength in the hands, forearms, and throughout the body. Looking to improve yours? Here are five expert-based ways to boost grip strength:

    Use a stress ball

    Grab a tennis ball or hand gripper and squeeze as hard as you can for five to 10 seconds, then repeat for 10 to 20 reps.

    A squeeze ball. Photo credit: Canva

    Dead hangs

    Seniors can perform dead hangs from a pull-up bar while keeping their feet on the ground or on a bench for 10 to 30 seconds at a time. The goal is to build up to hanging for 60 seconds.

    Functional movements

    The key is to get some real-world exercise that uses your hands, such as gardening, playing a sport like bowling, or carrying heavy grocery bags.

    Eat a lot of protein

    Protein supports muscle function and growth, so according to Health, it’s a good idea to eat one gram of protein per pound of body weight per day.

    Lift weights

    Use free weights such as kettlebells, barbells, or dumbbells to challenge and strengthen your hands. “Even using soup cans or books as a form of resistance provides stimulus to skeletal muscles and could be used by individuals for whom other options are not feasible,” LaMonte said.

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