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johnny depp

Humor

People share the most embarrassing things they've ever said and the cringe is delightful

A psychologist explains why those moments stick in our minds.

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A photo ofJohnny Depp in 2020.

There's never a dearth of cringe when it comes to the embarrassing stories we all (or at least most of us) have. In sharing those stories, maybe we can't completely mend humanity, but it's nice to not feel so alone.

So, I'll start. I went to the premiere of the movie Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street on the Paramount lot many years ago. The film's star, Johnny Depp, was making the rounds with his publicist and they were almost to my tiny table. My breath got shallow, my eyes watered from anxiety. My boyfriend at the time told me to "chill"—which always helps a person chill. I did not chill. He said, "Just tell him you liked the movie." I thought, yes, that's what I'll say. But when we were finally face to face, I completely panicked. And instead of something appropriate like "How 'bout that Sondheim?" I said, and this is exact, "We're both wearing hats." He looked at me, gently, and agreed that yes, we were both wearing hats. I added, now feeling more at ease, "They are brown hats."

Johnny Depp, brown hat, premiere, movie star, celebrity Johnny Depp at Pirates of the Caribbean event | Andy ... www.flickr.com

I couldn't make eye contact with my boyfriend the entire ride home.

There are so many online threads dedicated to embarrassing things people have said over the years. You know, the ones that stick in your mind, well…forever. In the r/AskReddit thread, someone simply posited, "What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?"

The replies range from adorable to downright high-alert awkwardness. Cutely, this person shares, "I once called my teacher 'dad' once."

Also in school, but less wholesome, this person had an oopsie in Home Economics. "In middle school cooking class we had to come up with the name of our fake restaurant in groups. We decided on the Chum Bucket from SpongeBob. I had to go type it in to be displayed on the giant screen—yep, I typed 'C-- Bucket' on accident. I don’t think I even knew what that word meant yet."

spongebob, cartoons, happy dance, Nickelodeon, cringe GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy Nickelodeon

And since we're talking about school days, here's one more from my personal vault. In 9th grade, Brian, on whom I had the biggest crush, offered to walk me from World History to English—complete with carrying my bookbag, like it was the 1950s. I struggled to find anything to say, as I was so nervous, and finally, after wracking my brain, asked, "So what school do you go to?" I asked this of the guy carrying my books in the SCHOOL WE WENT TO.

A few other Redditors got racy with their confessions. "Let someone use my phone to look up something. Forgot the last thing I did was watch porn and that was the tab that was open." A Redditor responded to that with, "One time I forgot to close the tab, got in my car with my buddy, my phone auto-connected to Bluetooth... you see where I'm going with this."

And this one takes the spatula. "I accidentally spanked my fiancé in front of his mother." (It's later explained she didn't realize the mother was in the room.)

Now here's a sweet one that could happen to anyone. "Once, I was talking to someone I thought was a long-lost friend, and I went on about how much I missed them. Turns out, it was a complete stranger who just had the same name. I still think about how red my face was when I realized."

hugging, friendship, awkward, cringe, gif Two people embrace in an awkward hug Giphy

Psychologist David J. Hallford explains in his Psychology Today article "Why Do I Remember Embarrassing Things I've Done... and why do I feel ashamed all over again?" that these thoughts and feelings are common. "We’ve all done it—you’re walking around going about your business and suddenly you’re thinking about that time in high school you said something really stupid you would never say now."

But digging into why these memories pop up is rather interesting. "Memories might share a type of context (different beaches you’ve been to, restaurants you’ve eaten at), occur at similar periods of life (childhood, high school years), or have emotional and thematic overlap (times we have felt close to or argued with others)." In other words, as our brains were developing, synapses connected and emotions ran high. That explains why so many "embarrassing" memories seem to come from our younger years.

That, and well, wearing a hat with Johnny Depp.

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Health

The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard trial started a much-needed conversation about male domestic violence victims

Domestic violence impacts men too and we should talk about it.

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Johnny Depp.

The world takes a collective breath as the dumpster fire that was the Depp v. Heard trial has come to an end. While some people had no interest in watching the trial, others set up tents in the camps of the actor they found most believable. One conversation emerging from the trial, no matter which side you’re on or how indifferent you feel about the verdict, is that men can be victims of domestic violence too.

If you’re a fan of "Law & Order SVU," you’ve heard of the perfect victim idea. It’s that if the victim isn’t absolutely and unequivocally perfect, they won’t be believed in court or in the public eye. There is some truth to that. Victims come in all shapes and sizes and from many different backgrounds, and the same is true regarding domestic violence victims. Women report being victims of domestic violence at a higher rate and are more likely to die at the hands of their perpetrator than anyone else, especially when they are leaving the relationship or pregnant.

Knowing that women are the most likely victims of domestic abuse doesn’t negate that men can also be abuse victims. For so many people, the perfect victim thought happens automatically—if the man claiming abuse isn’t small framed and timid, they have a hard time being believed. But abuse doesn’t usually start out as physical violence—abuse starts psychologically. The abuser typically starts by saying small things to slowly break a person’s spirit only to gaslight them into believing they’re overreacting. Before long, abusers tend to isolate you from your family and friends as they continue to slowly chip away at your self-confidence. Once they’re sure you aren’t leaving, that’s when the physical abuse starts and the cycle of abuse intensifies.

While for some people it may be difficult to imagine a woman being the abuser of a much larger man, it’s not unheard of. Men are victims of domestic violence and they don’t have to be smaller than their abuser for it to be true. Male victims of intimate partner violence (IPV) are much less likely to report their abuse to the authorities, which makes data a little scarce. But, according to the CDC, approximately 1 in 10 men in the United States experienced sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking. It reports that 97% of men that reported domestic violence only had female partners.

Photo by Salman Hossain Saif on Unsplash

The statistics are staggering, and the CDC is calling IPV against men a significant public health problem. Domestic violence is an issue that needs to be talked about, but we can’t let our bias allow us to jump to conclusions about who the victim is. All victims deserve to feel heard. They deserve to know that people are in their corner and will believe their story, even if the victim doesn’t fit into the image we’ve painted in our minds.

Believing men can be abused by their female partners does not mean that we have to stop believing female victims. Abusers do not care what anatomy you possess. Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Men, women and gender nonconforming people can all be victimized, and this trial has ignited a much-needed conversation on the topic.

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Health

Johnny Depp's trial put a spotlight on personality disorders and we need to talk about it

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Johnny Depp at Pirates of the Caribbean event 2003.

By now, everyone has become intimately familiar with the details surrounding Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's trial and relationship. Opinions have been shared in support of one star or the other, but since the testimony of Dr. Shannon Curry, a clinical and forensic psychologist who completed a 12 hour evaluation of Heard over the course of two days, people have been talking about personality disorders.

Dr. Curry diagnosed Amber Heard with two separate personality disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder. Both disorders have symptoms of exaggeration and volatile mood changes and some believe with BPD that can sometimes turn violent but having BPD isn't itself an indicator of violence. Curry testified to this in court and set the internet ablaze with further speculation, which unfortunately casts more stigma onto people living with these personality disorders.

Borderline Personality Disorder already has such a deep stigma, even within the mental health community among therapists that either don’t fully understand the disorder, or prefer not to treat the disorder. To be clear, therapists have specialties and every therapist is not qualified to treat all disorders to the degree that certain disorders may require. Personality disorders in general are often treated by people that specialize in personality disorders, but the stigma attached to BPD specifically is difficult to overlook.

People living with BPD are often stigmatized as difficult, volatile, manipulative, and unpleasant to be around for long periods of time. Symptoms of the disorder can make this true for some people that live with it, but Borderline Personality Disorder is also a symptom in and of itself, which isn’t talked about much. People that have BPD are often people that have experienced abuse and trauma, or were neglected, mistreated or abandoned by a parent but genetic and environmental factors can also determine predisposition to the disorder. It’s important to look at what people call “manipulation” from a different perspective. In most instances of BPD and other personality disorders such as Histrionic Personality Disorder, people aren’t necessarily attempting to manipulate, they’re trying to get a need met in a way that has worked in the past.

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One of the common symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment, and this fear may cause people to behave in ways that damage relationships in order to make people stay. While the intention is to get people to stay, maladaptive behaviors actually do the opposite, which in turn increases insecurity in relationships because another person has left. This can lead to more feelings of abandonment and symptoms of depression. These behaviors are often not done out of spite, but an attempt at keeping their loved ones close. It can feel like a push pull dynamic, and the person living with the disorder is just as internally conflicted, if not more so than the people in their lives. They want and deserve to be loved, respected and valued just as everyone else.

While violence is not unheard of in people that experience personality disorders like BPD, it doesn’t mean everyone with BPD is violent, or prone to violent tenancies. Oftentimes when we can take a step back and look at the person, where they’ve come from and what they’ve been through instead of the disorder, we can better learn how that particular person seeks validation and do our best to honor that within reason.

Abuse is never OK under any circumstances, and having a mental health condition such as the two Heard was diagnosed with is not an excuse to inflict physical or emotional pain on someone. Personality disorders are treatable with therapy, sometimes intensive therapy and medication to treat accompanying symptoms. There are areas of coping that need to be relearned and thoughts that have to be challenged by a professional, but as a society we also need to relearn a few things about these disorders to stop the shame and rejection that can come along with them.

Like many other mental health conditions, personality disorders need to be destigmatized. No one asks to have these disorders, just as no one wakes up and decides they’re going to have an asthma attack. So it’s on us as a society to increase our understanding of these disorders so we can increase our empathy and allow people to talk openly about their healing journeys. As long as there’s a deep stigma the less likely that the people that need the help the most will seek it. We have to do better.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233 or plan for safety online at thehotline.org.

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After watching Johnny Depp testify in court maybe it's time to rethink celebrity culture

This is more than just another tabloid Hollywood story.

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Johnny Depp

You’d be pretty hard pressed to take even a three-second scroll through the internet without seeing headlines about the defamation trial between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

Depp, who is suing Heard for $50 million in part over a 2018 Washington Post op-ed piece alluding to her being a victim of domestic abuse (the abuser being Depp), recently gave testimony in court. And, like many personal matters belonging to a celebrity, it has been the subject of public scrutiny.

In the video (see below) Depp touched on his own experience with abuse in his childhood, wanting to protect his children, his drug addiction, disturbing texts he had sent to friends about Heard and how heartbroken he was that those he mentored or had given advice to might be questioning themselves now, thinking him to be a fraud. Just to name a few points.

Johnny Depp Testifies On Why He's Suing Amber Heard For Defamationwww.youtube.com

While there is certainly lots to unpack there, there is still one bit that I find more striking:

“One day you're Cinderella and then in zero point six seconds you’re Quasimodo. I didn’t deserve that and neither did my children.”

If this isn’t the epitome of what’s problematic with our culture's misguided celebrity worship, I don't know what is.

It's been an interesting year so far for movie stars. With one slap, Will Smith went from one of Hollywood’s most likable guys to its most notorious. Ezra Miller, once regarded as a beloved LGBTQ savior, is now reduced to the punchline of some odd Spongebob meme. In his “Cinderella” days, Depp was by and large a consummate actor who, performance wise, could do no wrong. Now franchises find him untouchable.

The rate at which household names can go from “greatest” to “worst” of all time is enough to cause whiplash if you’re looking too closely. And what’s worse, in this act of dehumanizing, we are often at risk of losing touch with our own humanity. Which is especially ironic and tragic given that artists in particular serve a purpose to connect us to our humanity.

If it’s not obvious: I wanted to add a small disclaimer that I am not excusing bad actions, or waving the flag of anti cancel culture. There is definitely something to be said about how celebrity status often exonerates wrongdoing unfairly. But really, I find that worship and vilification are two sides of the same coin. And maybe, just maybe, what we really need to do to break us of the movie star spell is to toss away the coin altogether.

There was a time when actors and artists weren’t seen as beyond human. In fact, it could be argued that back in the days of traveling thespian shows, actors were seen as subhumans, but that’s beside the point. Perhaps this recent fall of the movie star is a chance for us to collectively reclaim some mental freedom away from fame’s siren song. As we have recently seen, it’s certainly not the guarantee for happiness it once was.

A growing number of Americans no longer have gods to revere or royalty to idolize. In their absence, celebrities have taken up that mantle for many. But in this modern age of information traveling at the speed of WiFi, illusion and mystery are no longer the great shields they once were. Now, the spotlight mercilessly peers down into every crack in the veneer. And much like a real dying star, it’s as though these people are collapsing in on themselves, crushed by the massive weight of their own fabricated persona.

Perhaps it is unfair to view any human as some sort of celestial being. As we have seen multiple times, this leads to disappointment, abuse of power and unrealistic expectations. And perhaps worst of all, it removes us from compassion. Tons of debates are being had about whether Depp or Heard is lying, about whether this will be Hollywood’s “ugliest” breakup or if that will go to Will and Jada, and about whether or not we’ll ever see Depp on the screen again. Few are discussing the tragedy that their family must be going through, or talking about the heartbreak of love turned toxic. And then there’s the question: should we be weighing in on their life at all? It’s a fine line, being a public figure and all, but something worth considering.

Hollywood continues to adapt (for better or worse is up to viewer discretion). And as it does, movie stars like Depp might continue to lose their luster … if not eliminate it altogether. But hopefully that leads to a new renaissance. One where no one is beyond accountability or unworthy of empathy. Hopefully we don’t find new false idols, but instead value discernment above all.

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9 great moments that made the Grammys worth watching.

Photo by Siednji Leon on Unsplash

Grammy award is coming

Music's biggest night did not disappoint.

The Grammy Awards returned Monday night. It was an evening of catchy pop music, a few acoustic surprises, and a handful of moments that left me simultaneously applauding and crying from my couch like a woman with nothing to lose.

Here's what everyone will be talking about around the watercooler — oh, who am I kidding? on Twitter — this morning.

1. Kendrick Lamar had a night to remember, with a performance I'll never forget.

Kendrick Lamar, who went 0-7 in the 2014 Grammys, returned victorious this year, taking home five statues for songs and performances from his album "To Pimp A Butterfly."

It was also the first time since 2013 that Best Rap Album went to a person of color. Will the wonders of this Black History Month ever cease? Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images for NARAS.

Then, Lamar blew everyone's mind with a performance that was absolutely game-changing. It was beautiful, politically charged, and unabashedly black. Powerful, especially so in the wake of Beyonce's fantastic and unapologetically black performance at Super Bowl 50. In a word, it was flawless.

2. Lady Gaga performed an elaborate, moving farewell for David Bowie and reminded everyone for the second time this month that she can really, really sing.

Who better to salute a man made of stardust than Gaga? She even had his face tattooed on her side over the weekend just to prepare, which definitely beats doing the usual scales-and-tongue-twister vocal warm-ups.

Gaga (and musical director Nile Rodgers) managed to weave a near-chronological journey through Bowie's massive catalog of hits including "Space Oddity," "Changes," and "Let's Dance."

The music was paired with a multi-sensory backgrounds powered by sensors and controllers behind Rodgers' guitar and on Gaga's hands.

To put it plainly, it was a gender-bending, genre-smashing, mind-blowing tribute to a man known for his innovative performances.

3. Stevie Wonder made us fall in love with Stevie Wonder all over again.

He also got the entire crowd, and the audience at home, talking about braille accessibility and accessibility for "every single person with a disability."

4. Adele wasn't even nominated this year, but she showed up to remind us we're not worthy.

I am totally here for any and all Adele pop-ins. Her performance was stripped down, steeped in raw emotion, and perfectly imperfect with a few cracks and pops along the way.

But damn if it didn't sound great.

Plus she gave a shoutout to Kendrick Lamar before she left the stage. NEVER CHANGE, ADELE.

5. The cast of Broadway smash "Hamilton" completely killed it, all the way from New York City.

Their performance was live via satellite from the Richard Rodgers Theatre in New York, but somehow, the cast managed to slay from 2,800 miles away. And in knickers and corsets no less. Work!

6. Taylor Swift remained unapologetically herself and reminded us all to be unapologetically ourselves too.

The country-turned-pop star opened the show with a performance of her single "Out of the Woods," and took home three gold gramophone statues, including Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Music Video for "Bad Blood," and Album of the Year.

She's the first woman to win Album of the Year twice, and after her big win, she gave an affirming speech all about resilience and the road to fame. It's a good listen for anyone needing a pick-me-up (unless your name rhymes with Sonyay Best).

7. The youngest Grammy nominee and performer was 12-year-old jazz pianist Joey Alexander.

He had the audience on their feet, and was probably feeling pretty nervous. Make 'em sweat, Joey.

8. Johnny Depp performed with his band, Hollywood Vampires, so it seems middle-aged white guys weren't completely shut out from this year's festivities.

But don't worry, there's always next year.

9. At the end of the show, Beyoncé graced us with her presence.

She didn't sing, but all is forgiven since she's helping out the people of Flint, and because she's freakin' Beyoncé.

And that was the Grammys.

Come for the music, stay for the bold political statements and innovative performances. Or Beyoncé. Always stay for Beyoncé.

johnny depp

People share the most embarrassing things they've ever said and the cringe is delightful

A psychologist explains why those moments stick in our minds.

The Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard trial started a much-needed conversation about male domestic violence victims

Domestic violence impacts men too and we should talk about it.

Johnny Depp's trial put a spotlight on personality disorders and we need to talk about it

After watching Johnny Depp testify in court maybe it's time to rethink celebrity culture

This is more than just another tabloid Hollywood story.

9 great moments that made the Grammys worth watching.

Music's biggest night did not disappoint.

1. Kendrick Lamar had a night to remember, with a performance I'll never forget.

2. Lady Gaga performed an elaborate, moving farewell for David Bowie and reminded everyone for the second time this month that she can really, really sing.

3. Stevie Wonder made us fall in love with Stevie Wonder all over again.

4. Adele wasn't even nominated this year, but she showed up to remind us we're not worthy.

5. The cast of Broadway smash "Hamilton" completely killed it, all the way from New York City.

6. Taylor Swift remained unapologetically herself and reminded us all to be unapologetically ourselves too.

7. The youngest Grammy nominee and performer was 12-year-old jazz pianist Joey Alexander.

8. Johnny Depp performed with his band, Hollywood Vampires, so it seems middle-aged white guys weren't completely shut out from this year's festivities.

9. At the end of the show, Beyoncé graced us with her presence.

And that was the Grammys.

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johnny depp

A psychologist explains why those moments stick in our minds.

Domestic violence impacts men too and we should talk about it.

This is more than just another tabloid Hollywood story.

Music's biggest night did not disappoint.

1. Kendrick Lamar had a night to remember, with a performance I'll never forget.

2. Lady Gaga performed an elaborate, moving farewell for David Bowie and reminded everyone for the second time this month that she can really, really sing.

3. Stevie Wonder made us fall in love with Stevie Wonder all over again.

4. Adele wasn't even nominated this year, but she showed up to remind us we're not worthy.

5. The cast of Broadway smash "Hamilton" completely killed it, all the way from New York City.

6. Taylor Swift remained unapologetically herself and reminded us all to be unapologetically ourselves too.

7. The youngest Grammy nominee and performer was 12-year-old jazz pianist Joey Alexander.

8. Johnny Depp performed with his band, Hollywood Vampires, so it seems middle-aged white guys weren't completely shut out from this year's festivities.

9. At the end of the show, Beyoncé graced us with her presence.

And that was the Grammys.