The most hilariously unexpected answers to illegal activities.
Most of us accept that our devices are listening to us, and that we likely have our own personal very disappointed FBI agent tracking our movements on the Internet, right? Maybe that's just a specific group of people. It's certainly not me …ahem. If it's true, though, there are certainly several amused and confused FBI agents in a three-year-old thread on Reddit where someone asked, "What is something illegal that you do frequently?" The answers are probably not what you would expect, but they're pretty funny nonetheless.
When most people think of illegal things done frequently, it's probably something like eating grapes from the store while shopping or forgetting to pay for the thing at the bottom of the cart. But this question got people's creativity going and, honestly, some folks may be going to jail because of these confessions. There are people out here living on the edge every day, and I just don't know how they manage to do so. Someone claimed to have downloaded a car! After all of the anti-piracy commercials in the early 2000s warning us of the dangers of downloading things and this guy actually did it.
Police officer watching white SUV drivePhoto credit: Canva
Obviously, this guy didn't download a car, but another commenter said they charmed a sea witch for her pearls of the deep, and I'm inclined to believe them. There are also quite a few rule-breakers who turn right on red when there's a sign that clearly says not to. But the one comment that shines like an illegal beacon is the person who admits to pirating movies. According to the thread, they've seen all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and even Hook, yet somehow they escape the law.
Speaking of actual pirates, this person is like a reverse pirate. You may want to sit down for this because it's intense. The commenter admits to paying random people's expired parking meters downtown where they live. The shame this poor soul must feel on a daily basis.
And if police officers are looking to Reddit for real criminals, then they need to look no further, since further down the thread, someone admitted to "acquiring toilet paper from work." Don't fret, though; they've designated it their "weekly bonus," so it's totally cool.
Police figurine with plastic cruiserPhoto credit: Canva
Sure, these don't seem so bad, but others have warned these guys to be on the lookout for arrest warrants, especially for the person who records and rewatches NFL games without the express consent of the NFL. It's a terrifying thing to admit to in a public forum. I hope they're okay.
Looks like the jig is up for this person: "I like to go down into my skeleton hole and … oh ho ho, you rascally FBI agents! Almost had me that time," a commenter who shall not be named wrote. There are so many very serious and totally not made-up crimes within that thread that it would take days for agents to comb through to arrest all of the culprits. It'll be especially tough trying to locate the person who dares to whistle for their lost canary in Berkeley before 6 a.m.
Surprised doctor at lineup, humorous scene!Photo credit: Canva
These criminals must be stopped at all costs. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a special task force dedicated to the mass apprehension these admissions of guilt will cause. Let's learn from their crimes and keep them in our thoughts.