Mental health experts share 6 ways to transform anger into compassionate action

Reframe anger as a force for good.

Apr 1, 2026

Your anger can be used to improve your life. – Photo credit: Canva

Everyone has felt anger, but not everyone knows what to do with it. For some, anger is an emotion they feel needs to be suppressed due to embarrassing or damaging outbursts. There’s also pressure to keep cool in social situations, even when something isn’t right. Anger, however, isn’t something to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be a form of compassion.

When reframed and used effectively, anger can be a source of self-love and protection. It can also help address what’s wrong in a constructive way. Mental health professionals who spoke to Upworthy shared how reframing anger and channeling it properly can be beneficial.

1. Acknowledge the anger

“Anger is like the quarter you insert in a toll booth,” said licensed clinical social worker and therapist Roselyn Pérez Casiano. “Resistance to insert it will keep you stuck, but choosing to accept it and let it go will open the gate towards self-compassion.”

“It is a natural human emotion, and I see it as a signal that tells us that the boundary has been crossed or the need is not being met,” said Dr. Lori Bohn of Voyager Recovery Center. “If we can recognize it early on, we can use it instead of being consumed by it. We need people to be able to slow down when they are feeling anger arise and look at what is being threatened or not being met.”

“When people feel anger, it is not that there is something ‘wrong’ with them,” said clinical psychologist Dr. Erika Bach. “It is worth paying attention and getting curious about, because it can tell us a lot about what we are feeling in a situation and can propel us forward to speak honestly or to set boundaries.”

“It’s important to allow anger to show up rather than repressing it,” said therapist Natalia Michaelson. “Collaborating with your anger, rather than fighting against it, can be a positive way to support yourself.”

2. Isolate the “why”

There’s a reason you feel angry. Knowing what’s behind it can help you address it.

“[Anger] is an indicator that the unmet needs, the injustices, or the underlying sadness are important to look at,” said Bohn. “Instead of trying to eliminate the anger, we can look at what the underlying needs are and express them in a way that is strong but also respectful.”

“Ultimately, anger is a primal emotion, and just like all emotions, they can be used as information,” said therapist Atalie Abramovici. “Anger may be one of the more uncomfortable emotions to experience, but it has a plethora of potential to connect to yourself more honestly, and with the world more ambitiously.”

3. Reframe anger as protection, self-compassion, and self-love

“I frequently tell my clients that anger is an expression of self-love,” said licensed counselor Karissa Mueller. “It’s often coming from a part of them that’s trying to get them to notice when a boundary has been crossed, or they’re not being loved or cared for in the way that they need. Parts that get our attention through anger tend to function really well as highlighters, directing our attention towards something that matters.”

“Some tips for working with anger include sitting with it compassionately, like you might with another person who is struggling, and understanding how it protects you,” said Michaelson.

“We feel anger when things feel unfair, when it feels as though a boundary has been crossed, or we want to speak up,” said Bach. “Anger can give us the fire and motivation to finally share how we’re feeling when we might otherwise have difficulty doing so.”

This reframing allows anger to be seen not as a weapon or something to be shamefully suppressed, but as a signal from your core self that something is wrong and needs to be addressed to protect you.

4. Take the “why” and put it into useful action

“Let’s say you just got broken up with and you’re feeling anger on a deep level,” said Abramovici. “Instead of focusing that anger towards your ex and obsessing over them, you can channel the energy that comes with that anger towards being competitive with yourself, leveling up in your personal and professional life, doing things that once brought you joy, and challenging yourself to accomplish goals that you may not have had that spark of motivation to push yourself towards.”

Mueller recommends asking your anger questions like, “What are you hoping will happen by making me feel angry about this?” and “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t make me feel angry about this?” The answers can help you identify positive, healthy actions to address the root of the anger.

Casiano offers additional questions to ask yourself once you understand why you’re angry:

“Ask yourself: What am I perceiving as beyond my control? What is truly important to me here? What is truly under my control? What can I do? Directing your attention to what matters makes self-compassion and constructive action more accessible.”

That pent-up energy from anger can be useful fuel for solutions or achievements when it’s been reframed and examined to understand why it emerged in the first place.

5. Let go of anger when it’s no longer useful or becomes harmful

Sometimes anger can’t be used to resolve what caused it in the first place. In those cases, it’s best to release it in a healthy way. Exercising, screaming into a pillow, or expressing your anger through art can help ease tension.

“Some of the grounding techniques that are recommended so that the person doesn’t get lost in the overwhelming feeling of the anger are deep breathing techniques, relaxation techniques, or identifying the physical sensation in the body,” said Bohn.

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Coping with anger #tiktok #mentalhealth #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #therapistsoftiktok #anger ♬ original sound – Dr. Brendan Nierenberg, PsyD

6. If it becomes overwhelming, seek professional guidance

Managing and reframing your anger isn’t something you have to do alone. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you find the tools and strategies needed to manage it effectively.

“To deepen this work and learn how to work compassionately with your anger, finding an IFS therapist can be helpful,” said Michaelson. “IFS is a non-stigmatizing model that helps people learn how to extend self-compassion to their parts, including the parts people often struggle being compassionate towards, like anger.”

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Youth-led party for community engagement, MEDEA, Tanzania Captured by James Roh for Pura

Culture, Education, Empowered Women, Equality, Family, Identity, Modern Families

The next generation of female leaders has arrived. Here’s how they’re making sure they (and every girl) get a chance to learn.

Malala Fund and their local partners, with support from Pura, help girls find their voice. The result: greater access to education and a better world.

Sarah Watts

3/8/2026

Music, community and joy drive real change

In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.

It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.

The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?

Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.

MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura

Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.

Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.

Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.

A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission

Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.

But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.

The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.

You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.

Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil

Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura

In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.

“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.

But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.

Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura

Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.

“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”

Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria

Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura

In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.

“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”

When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.

Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.

Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura

To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”

“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”

From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.

Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.

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Are you a Firestarter? Marathoner? Take the quiz to find out. – Photo credit: Canva

People Skills, Science

A psychologist’s productivity quiz gives people insights into how they work best

There are eight different archetypes. Which one are you?

Kat Hong

4/1/2026

Have you ever ended a long workday feeling drained, unproductive, and wondering where the heck all your energy went? Many of us blame ourselves for not having enough willpower or discipline. We invest in new planners, download habit-tracking apps, or create rigid to-do lists to push through the exhaustion. But what if the problem isn’t your effort?

Dr. Mark Travers, a psychologist, suggests a kinder, more effective solution. He argues that your daily output isn’t about sheer willpower—it’s about being in tune with your biology. By aligning your schedule with your body’s natural rhythm, you can enjoy greater ease and joy in your tasks, transforming the way you approach work.

The science of work rhythms

Did you know? Our bodies operate on specific internal clocks that influence everything from focus to energy levels. You may already be familiar with the circadian rhythm, the all-mighty cycle that governs your sleep and wake patterns. However, this doesn’t just occur at night: during the day, your brain also runs on shorter ultradian cycles of about 90 minutes. These cycles consist of distinct energy phases: rising, peaking, and then declining. When you push past your natural peak without taking a break, you drain your mental resources, leaving you fatigued and less effective.

Additionally, researchers have identified another phenomenon, the Synchrony Effect. This concept clearly shows that timing is crucial for productivity. It’s powerful to schedule complex, high-focus tasks during your biological peak, so that you can perform them more efficiently and with greater clarity. On the other hand, trying to do difficult work during a natural energy dip can feel like an uphill climb. The key is insight: knowing when your brain is at its best can completely change how you approach your most important tasks.

The three dimensions of productivity

Travers highlights three important elements that influence how we approach our work. These aspects offer valuable insight into how we think and help explain why different people flourish under different conditions.

Intensity

Intensity measures your energetic output. Some people excel in short, powerful bursts of work, tackling tasks with explosive focus and tons of energy before needing a break to recharge. Others perform better with a steady, measured pace that allows them to sustain their momentum over longer periods. For example, a writer might sprint through the first draft of an article in a focused hour, while another might prefer to slowly build their piece over several hours. Both are valid forms of output.

Focus

This dimension explores how you manage your attention. Some individuals work best when they dedicate long, uninterrupted blocks of time to a single, complex project. For them, deep focus is key to achieving flow and completing their best work. On the other hand, some people thrive by juggling multiple tasks and rotating between activities. By shifting their focus, they feel energized and use that energy to maintain momentum throughout the day.

Structure

Finally, structure examines how much predictability you need in your routine. Those who value routine often crave fixed schedules with clear start times, consistent deadlines, and detailed calendars. Structure helps them feel grounded and in control. Others prefer flexibility and thrive when they have the freedom to make spontaneous decisions throughout their day. They might find rigid schedules stifling and gain energy from looser outlines that allow for creativity and adaptability.

Discovering your archetype

To uncover your own unique combination of intensity, focus, and structure, take the Work Rhythm Personality Test. Developed by Travers, this quick assessment reveals your individual cognitive approach and matches you with one of eight productivity archetypes. As an added benefit, Travers also lists your second-best match and your ideological opposite. It should take only about two minutes to complete, but its impact on your productivity can be tremendous.

Sprinters need a solid structure to perform well. Photo credit: Canva

The Sprinter

For example, you might discover you’re a Sprinter, someone who thrives under pressure and works best with tight deadlines. Travers writes, “The Sprinter is defined by a trifecta of psychological traits that cognitive science has linked to peak episodic performance: high activation energy, single-point attentional control, and sensitivity to external scaffolding… You are built for the race.”

The place where Sprinters most often struggle is the formless afternoon: no deadline on the horizon, no clear finish line, an inbox full of vague tasks, and a calendar that just says “project work.” For most people, that’s a reasonable Tuesday. For you, it’s a productivity black hole. The solution isn’t more willpower—it’s better structure. With this work rhythm, plan for two or three intense work sprints during the day, with genuine breaks in between, rather than trying to sustain peak productivity all day.

Marathoners love to work on a single thing at a time. Photo credit: Canva

The Marathoner

You might not be the loudest person in the room. But when it actually matters—when the project is long, the stakes are high, and everyone else has burned out or moved on—you’re still there, still producing, still reliable. That’s the Marathoner. It is, in many ways, the most underrated archetype of all.

Your vulnerability is sudden change and rapid context-switching. Since you work best with long periods of deep concentration, try blocking out a single, extended protected time slot in the morning, followed by a shorter one in the afternoon (or vice versa).

The Architect is independent and self-sufficient. Photo credit: Canva

The Architect

Some people need check-ins, progress meetings, and a manager asking, “Where are we on this?” to stay on track. You are genuinely not one of those people. If you’re an Architect, you come with your own engine. You sustain effort over long periods, focus on one problem at a time with remarkable depth, and don’t need external pressure to light the fire—the work itself does that.

Here’s the paradox, though: the same independence that makes you exceptional in the right environment can render you almost invisible in the wrong one. Recognizing this difference could be one of the most professionally eye-opening things you’ve ever done. Travers suggests keeping the same work sequence on most days, with recurring priority blocks, breaks, and a consistent shutdown ritual.

Are you good at juggling tasks? You might be a Conductor. Photo credit: Canva

The Conductor

If your brain naturally juggles five things at once and somehow keeps them all moving forward, there’s a name for that: you’re a Conductor. While other people need long stretches of uninterrupted quiet to do their best work, you actually thrive in the middle of the action. You work at a steady pace, skillfully juggling multiple tasks without dropping any, and you really shine when a deadline is approaching and your team is counting on you. While some might find complexity draining, you see it as an opportunity to bring clarity and deepen understanding.

Here’s the thing about being a Conductor, though: organizations notice. And once they do, they tend to give you more. Your days should be built around managing complexity without being consumed with it. Remember to be aware of your limits, understand your capacity, and set boundaries to protect your well-being.

Perhaps you’re a Deep Diver, in which case the modern workplace isn’t meant for you. Photo credit: Canva

The Deep Diver

There’s also the Deep Diver, whose engine runs from the inside. You bring intense, focused energy to your work. You love to tackle one challenge at a time, and once you’re engaged, you don’t need anyone to hold you there. Here’s the catch: the modern workplace was not designed with you in mind. Open-plan offices, Slack pings every six minutes, back-to-back meetings that chop your day into unusable fragments. All of it is neurologically harmful to how your brain functions best. Instead, protect your uninterrupted time by setting aside blocks in your schedule so your brain can focus on what it does best.

Flow Weavers work at their own pace. Photo credit: Canva

The Flow Weaver

If the standard productivity playbook—sprint goals, KPI dashboards, weekly status updates, time-blocked calendars—has never quite fit, congrats: you’re a Flow Weaver. “The Flow Weaver is the archetype that defies the conventional productivity imagination most completely,” writes Travers.

You work at your own pace. You move between projects and ideas not according to urgency or someone else’s schedule, but according to something harder to explain: a felt sense of when you’re ready, when an idea has ripened, and when the momentum is there. Resist the urge to overschedule your day or pack it with rigid blocks. The goal for you isn’t a timetable—it’s honoring your internal signal.

The Igniter is ready to get things started. Photo credit: Canva

The Igniter

You are the person everyone wants in the room when something new is about to start. Igniters bring a unique type of energy that’s truly rare: high-intensity, multi-layered, and at its most electrifying when there’s a deadline, a collaborator, or a charged social environment surrounding the work. You don’t just begin things—you’re motivated by starting things.

Harness the charge before it scatters. Start your day and hit the ground running. Channel that immediately into your highest-stakes task before anything else can dilute it.

None of the above? You’re likely a Firestarter. Photo credit: Canva

The Firestarter

The Firestarter combines three things that don’t always appear together: high activation energy, the ability to think across multiple domains at once, and a fierce, uncompromising autonomy. You move fast. You connect dots others haven’t noticed yet.

When your environment demands sequential compliance—forms filled out in order, mandatory syncs attended on time, processes followed precisely because “that’s how we do things here”—you experience a kind of chronic friction that’s easy to misread as poor work ethic. It isn’t. It’s a mismatch between how your brain is wired and how the institution is structured. As you plan your day, remember that the goal isn’t to fill every hour—it’s to direct your considerable energy toward the right targets before it disperses.

Achieving better results with less friction

Understanding your archetype gives you a personalized roadmap for structuring your day in a way that feels natural and effective. When you work with your biological rhythms rather than against them, you reduce friction and create a workday that feels fulfilling rather than draining. Higher job satisfaction, increased productivity, and greater life balance are all achievable when you align your schedule with your brain’s natural rhythms. It’s not about doing more—it’s about working smarter with intention and ease.

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People Skills, Science

Happiness expert shares 3-step cformula to build deeper connections

“If you only share, it’s a monologue. If you only listen, it’s an interview.”

Emily Shiffer

3/31/2026

The key to finding happiness has been widely researched. The data on happiness suggest that it comes down to our connections with others.

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, explained that her research has identified one key factor in happiness—and it comes down to conversation and deeper connection with others.

During a TEDNext 2025 presentation, Lyubomirsky explained that she has been a happiness researcher for more than 30 years. In her lab, she has conducted experiments on “happiness interventions” since 1998.

These “interventions” include exercises such as writing letters of gratitude, performing acts of kindness, and “acting” extroverted—all of which led people to feel happier. Her research suggests these activities increase happiness because “they help us feel more connected to and loved by others.”

How to connect with others

Lyubomirsky’s next challenge was to determine how humans can connect most with one another. From touch to dance to eye contact, she noted that these are all valid ways people connect.

But in Western culture, connection often happens through conversation. Still, simply talking with others doesn’t always lead to connection because of the “walls around us.”

“We build those walls to protect ourselves, yet they also keep us from ever letting anyone in,” said Lyubomirsky. “They keep us from becoming truly known.”

To feel more loved, you have to be more known—which means taking down those walls when talking with others.

The 3-step conversation formula

Connecting more deeply with others starts with approaching conversations differently, according to Lyubomirsky. She offers a three-step formula to follow:

Step 1: Share from the heart

“You take down your walls by sharing something real about yourself, not just your highlight reel,” said Lyubomirsky.

The goal is to share deeply and be brave enough to let others see the real you. To do so, she encourages people to pace themselves and start small.

“Don’t immediately share your deepest secret or trauma,” she explained. “If you go deep too fast, everyone’s walls will come right back up again.”

Instead, say something honest—something like, “I’ve had a rough day,” instead of “I’m fine,” she said.

Step 2: Help others lower their walls

This is achieved by listening to learn, not to respond.

“Quiet your voice so theirs can be heard,” explained Lyubomirsky.

To do this, she encourages people to listen as if there’s going to be a quiz tomorrow on what the other person shares.

Step 3: Ask one more question than you usually do

This final step helps build deeper connection. For example, she suggests asking the person you’re speaking with, “How did that really feel?” Such questions signal that you’re right there with them, Lyubomirsky said.

She added, “When was the last time someone asked you a real question about your life? It’s rare. Yet research shows people yearned to be asked, and those who ask questions are better liked.”

Her final note is to keep in mind that sharing and listening go hand in hand. “If you only share, it’s a monologue. If you only listen, it’s an interview,” Lyubomirsky said. “But when you do both, that’s when the magic happens.”

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A man playing chess and philosopher Bertrand Russell. – Photo credit: Canva & Rijksmuseum/Wikimedia Commons

People Skills, Science

Philosophy expert reveals the character trait that shows someone is highly intelligent

“An intelligent person tries to be a realist.”

Tod Perry

3/26/2026

Julian de Medeiros, a philosophy expert who’s popular on TikTok and Substack, has built a reputation for sharing some of the world’s most important philosophical ideas about life, love, ethics, and intelligence. Recently, he shared wisdom from Bertrand Russell on the character trait that highly intelligent people tend to have: they see the world as it really is, not as they want it to be.

Russell, a British philosopher and founding figure of the analytic movement in philosophy, won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1950. His work in logic, epistemology, and mathematics made him one of the most important minds of the 20th century. As they say, it takes one to know one, and if Russell says someone is intelligent, chances are he’s right.

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Wisdom is rare #wisdom #truth #philosophy
♬ original sound – Julian de Medeiros

What’s a sign someone is highly intelligent?

“Here’s how you know that someone is intelligent, and this goes back to the philosopher Bertrand Russell, who wrote, ‘You see the world as it is, not as you would like it to be, is the beginning of all wisdom,’” de Medeiros shared on TikTok.

To put it simply, an intelligent person wants to get things right, while an unintelligent person wants to be right. Smart people look at the facts and form their opinions based on reality. Those who aren’t as bright tend to be more dogmatic, trying to see the world in ways that align with their beliefs.

Bertrand Russell. Photo credit: Rijksmuseum/Wikimedia Commons

“What [Russell] meant is that an intelligent person tries to be a realist,” de Medeiros continued. “Like, they try to measure, examine, and test their own belief systems against reality. But an unintelligent person tends to be dogmatic. Like they don’t change their mind when confronted with the facts. In fact, you could show them the evidence, and they would simply double down.”

What is the “backfire effect”?

What de Medeiros is referring to is what’s known as the “backfire effect.” It’s a psychological phenomenon in which, when people are presented with credible facts that challenge their beliefs, they may hold on to those beliefs even more strongly than before.

“Once something is added to your collection of beliefs, you protect it from harm,” author David McRaney wrote in You Are Not So Smart. “You do this instinctively and unconsciously when confronted with attitude-inconsistent information. Just as confirmation bias shields you when you actively seek information, the backfire effect defends you when the information seeks you, when it blindsides you.”

Politicians debating. Photo credit: Canva

It can sting to change your mind, because it can feel like you’ve invalidated a big part of your sense of self. However, it becomes much easier if you begin to change how you see yourself. Instead of identifying with a specific worldview, you can think of yourself as someone who embraces the truth, no matter how difficult that may be.

“Bertrand Russell believed that true intelligence was when you were open to the possibility that you might be wrong,” de Medeiros said. “When you sought to test your own belief systems and when you had a rational and inquisitive mindset, that is true intelligence. When the facts change, you change.”

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Two women chatting at a bus stop. – Photo credit: Canva

People Skills, Science

Expert reveals why chatting about the weather exposes more about people than you think

It may seem like a boring topic on the surface, but there’s a lot more to it.

Tod Perry

3/19/2026

“Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative” is a quote often attributed to author and raconteur Oscar Wilde. Whether he said it or not, he’d probably wince at the idea of yammering on about the English rain or whether the autumn almanac was correct. However, he may have been missing the point of why we make small talk about the weather.

Dr. Thomas Smithyman, a clinical psychologist who helps people beef up their social skills, says we should view small talk about mundane topics, such as the weather, as a platform to show off our social competence and deepen relationships.

“Talking about the weather is this cliché, right?” he says in a YouTube video. “It’s everyone’s most dreaded, boring topic, but it works because it’s a commonality. We all have it in common. We’re all experiencing it.”

What does it really mean when you make small talk?

According to Smithyman, conversing about the weather isn’t about having keen insights into meteorology or comparing how much you’ve sweated; it’s to show that you are socially competent.

“Small talk can also signal to people that you understand how social interactions work,” he says. “If you can handle small talk, people trust you and can probably get into a bit of a deeper conversation without things getting terribly awkward. It’s just a little communication that says, ‘I know how to do this. I’m safe.’”

A bored woman. Photo credit: Canva

People usually think that being good at small talk means being entertaining, witty, or full of great stories. In reality, though, the key is to be a good listener and ask great questions. People tend to like those who appear to be interested in them. In fact, a Harvard University study found that when you ask a question and then two follow-ups, people like you more than if you quickly turn the conversation back to yourself.

Being good at small talk is about listening

“If you want to master small talk, it is luckily not about being the funniest or the most entertaining person,” Smithyman says. “If you look at good conversationalists, they don’t dominate, right? They actually are really good at making it easy for the other person to engage, because that’s what really helps a conversation flow.”

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Think of it as a little test. The other person is thinking, “If this person can’t talk about the fact that it was slightly cloudy today, they’re not going to be able to help me with my existential crisis.” Or, “If they come off as awkward, or even sketchy, I’m not going to interact with them any further.”

The good news is that if you’re able to move beyond the usual introductory topics—such as the weather, sports, or traffic on the way to the party—and into more personal territory, you’ve likely been deemed a capable conversation partner and, possibly, even a friend.

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People Skills, Science

Communication expert shares 3-2-1 trick to stop rambling when put on the spot

How to sound clear, concise, and confident.

Emily Shiffer

3/19/2026

Being a clear communicator is a powerful social skill. Not only does it build relationships, but it also creates authentic connections.

But in high-pressure situations, confident speaking can start to crumble—we’ve all been there. For example, when talking to your boss or even on a first date.

It’s easy to start rambling and jumbling your words. To prevent this, communication expert Vinh Giang shares a clever 3-2-1 speaking trick that can help anyone slow down and communicate clearly and concisely when it matters most.

What is the 3-2-1 speaking trick?

According to Giang, it starts with training your brain for moments when you feel put on the spot.

“When someone asks you a question and you’re not prepared, what happens? Your brain hits the panic button,” he says in a YouTube video.

As you struggle to verbalize your thoughts, you may start to ramble—which, Giang notes, can lead to frustration and embarrassment. To avoid feeling flustered, he offers a 3-2-1 framework to keep in mind when speaking off the cuff.

“Without a communication framework to fall back on, your mind goes blank,” he explains.

https://www.tiktok.com/@askvinh/video/7617451948157046023

The 3-2-1 framework consists of 3 steps, 2 types, and 1 thing. Using the example of avocados, he explains how it works:

1 thing

“The one thing about avocados that I love is that it’s great on a keto diet,” says Giang.

2 types

He switches to “ways” instead of “types,” explaining that there are “two ways to eat avocados: you can smash it up or eat it like a fruit [apple].”

3 steps

Finally, he explains that there are three steps to preparing avocados: “First step, cut it in half. Step two, mash it up. Step three, salt, pepper, and lemon.”

How to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick

Giang shares another example of how to use the 3-2-1 speaking trick, this time using the topic of travel. In a clip from a conference, he invites an audience member to offer three responses for each part. Her answers show how the method works in a real-life scenario:

1 thing

“The one thing about travel is it’s magnificent,” the audience member says. “You can go anywhere you want.”

2 types

“The two types of travel are: you can travel regionally and you can travel internationally via a plane,” she says.

3 steps

“Three steps to travel is plan it, book it, go!” she shares.

Giang congratulates her, noting, “That’s the difference between being prepared with a framework, because now you’re excited to communicate. When you’re not prepared, you’re not excited—you’re scared. You don’t want to communicate.”

@askvinh
The simple solution to stop rambling… If you want to learn what to say when you’re pausing and thinking, you need to learn how to use communication frameworks.
♬ original sound – Vinh Giang – Vinh Giang

Viewers react

In the comments, people shared their responses to Giang’s video:

“I’m officially smarter than I was five minutes ago.”

“For an overthinker, this is gold. Thank you tons.”

“I’m 40 and honestly, this hits home. I’ve been in situations at work where I froze or rambled because my brain went blank under pressure. The 3-2-1 framework feels so practical and simple to apply—I actually tried it while watching and it gave me structure instantly. Definitely something I’ll practice more in meetings and daily conversations. Thanks for sharing this tool, Vin!”

“Immediately used this in a daily mundane small talk conversation that I’m having with someone, and I realized it’s not that I don’t like small talk because I’m not interested with someone… It’s because I don’t know how to do it. Managed to turn small talk into a chain of small conversations that led to more concrete discussions. Thanks a lot for this tip!”

“Yeah. This is a big problem that I have. For years I’ve struggled to communicate properly because my brain goes a thousand miles a minute and my mouth tries to keep up.”

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People Skills, Science

Psychologist uncovers the unexpected reason we procrastinate and the trick to stopping it

“Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management.”

Cecily Knobler

3/19/2026

Procrastination is more common than some might think. In fact, according to an article by Forbes senior contributor Bryan Robinson, more than 78 percent of working people procrastinate even though “it makes them anxious.” Some think it’s due to laziness, while others believe the anxiety itself creates a loop: they’re too anxious to get a task done, but not getting it done makes them even more anxious.

However, one theory behind why people procrastinate turns the whole “laziness” argument on its head.

Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist, shares a fascinating idea. In a comment attached to a clip posted on Instagram, he offers an entirely different view: “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. It is more often something much more subtle. If I finish this, then what? If the pile disappears, who am I without it?”

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A post shared by Rick Hanson (@rickhansonphd)

He explains how having something that still needs to be tackled can feel like “proof” that we matter.

“Unfinished tasks can start to feel like proof that we’re busy, needed, in motion. They create a kind of background hum of identity. As long as something is pending, we’re still becoming. Still almost there.”

The fear of not existing

In the video, Hanson says people procrastinate “even when there are no obstructions to completing something, because sometimes they’re kind of afraid, almost at a deep level, that if they complete things, they’ll disappear. There will be almost no more basis for being. It’s the incomplete cycles in their life—the unfinished tasks, the various piles here or there—that almost give them a sense of psychological substance and existence.”

Hanson has ways to address this, and the first is to truly examine your motivations (or seemingly lack thereof).

“Look closely and ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Do I go on existing because I have a number of undone tasks that I’m going to get to tomorrow or eventually? Is that why I keep on existing?’ Well, no. And notice the ways you can go on being. Or you have others you know who complete a lot of things, and they continue to exist just fine and really, quite happily.”

He says we must rewrite our inner monologue.

“Gradually realize for yourself, ‘Oh, I can complete these various tasks. And they then disappear from my life, understandably. I took care of it. And I’m still here, having a good time. And getting ready to accomplish the next important thing.’”

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The need to be busy

Upworthy spoke with Cort M. Dorn-Medeiros, a professional counselor and addiction specialist, who first noted that there are many real reasons people might procrastinate.

“Fear of failure, doubts about self-worth, perfectionist tendencies, emotional avoidance, and potential diagnoses such as attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).”

That said, he does give credence to Hanson’s idea as well.

“We have strong cultural messaging that if we are not doing something, if we are not being productive, then we are not useful. All of our human value lies in the ‘doing’ rather than the ‘being.’ A lot of this is derived from Internet-based hustle culture, where speed is prioritized above all else. Do more, make more money, and do it faster and faster.

If we are left with nothing to do, then we are left sitting with our own thoughts and feelings. Procrastination is a good way to unconsciously avoid sitting with our feelings. If we are constantly focused on our to-do list and maintain it in a way that prevents progress by crossing things off, we manage our anxiety about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing.’”

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Matthew Baker, LCSW, tells Upworthy it’s all about avoidance.

“Procrastination is almost always about avoiding something uncomfortable. For some people, finishing a project is what becomes the problem, not starting it. This is often because the brain gets rewarded from simply planning and organizing, even without actually doing anything. So some people avoid completing tasks because they’re already getting a sense of satisfaction from planning, and finishing means that this dopamine stream just…stops.”

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People Skills, Science

Behavioral expert reveals the number one question to instantly read someone

“Everyone wears some kind of a mask.”

Emily Shiffer

3/18/2026

First impressions mean a lot. When you meet someone new, you’re probably trying to get a feel for who they are—and whether they’re trustworthy. It all comes down to noticing behaviors.

Human behavior expert Chase Hughes explains how to read someone instantly. “Everyone wears some kind of a mask…a persona that I put onto the world,” he says in a YouTube video.

Getting underneath that mask is what truly reveals who someone is and what they’re all about. Hughes explains that people build these masks to conceal shame.

The #1 question to instantly read someone

According to Hughes, there is one important question to keep in mind when trying to read someone: “What does this person want me to feel about them, and what do they want me to notice?”

Hughes notes that this is the beginning of understanding why someone builds a mask based on shame.

“Shame is ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I’m a bad person for doing that. I need to hide it,’” he shares, explaining that shame holds power in today’s culture because it has been institutionalized as a “public weapon.”

The power of shame

Shame creates cognitive dissonance, which Hughes notes is mental discomfort. “Mental discomfort says, ‘I don’t want to be this uncomfortable in front of people.’ That creates a mask,” he says.

Understanding that most people wear a mask—a persona they present to the world—is key. From there, the task is determining how “thick” or “thin” that mask is and what it’s made of.

“If I’m seeing somebody who’s acting like he’s posturing all the time—he’s yelling, he’s puffing his chest out—the mask is usually the opposite of what it’s concealing,” says Hughes. “So I’m seeing a fearful little boy.”

Bumper-sticker alliteration

Hughes gives another example of how to read someone’s mask by comparing it to a car covered in bumper stickers. He tells a story about pulling up behind a car with various bumper stickers that signal aspects of the driver’s identity, from “I Did Yosemite” to marathon stickers to ones that say “I Go Fishing.”

He asks his kids what the stickers say about the driver, and his daughter replies that the person is adventurous. Hughes then asks what else it might mean, and she says it means the person can be trusted and would make a good friend. Hughes then gets to the point: if someone is a good friend, it means they need friends. In other words, that person is lonely.

“The better you get at understanding humans, the more that you’re going to see loneliness, shame, and suffering,” says Hughes. “The way that I deal with loneliness, conceal shame, and anesthetize myself from suffering equals human behavior.”

Reading for self-control

Finally, Hughes notes that another thing to look for when reading a person is their level of self-control, which comes down to whether they are disciplined or not.

To spot it, Hughes says that even if someone is a stranger, they will appear “more predictable in a good way. They’re more likely to be trustworthy because they already discipline themselves. They have self-control.”

He notes that this is important in many areas where relationships matter, including business. If someone lacks self-control, Hughes says he tends to be more cautious around them.

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People Skills, Science

Psychologists reveal the positive personality trait that childfree people share

It’s not about being selfish.

Tod Perry

3/18/2026

People who choose to be childfree are often the subject of negative stereotypes. They are sometimes called “selfish” because they do not want to dedicate their lives to raising someone else. They may also be described as “cold” or too career-oriented.

People who push them to reconsider (their in-laws, for example) often use scare tactics to get them to reproduce, such as: “Who will take care of you when you get old?”, “Your partner will leave you for someone who wants children,” or “When it’s too late, you’re going to regret your decision.”

To put it simply, childfree people are often portrayed in a negative light. However, a recent study found that an amazingly positive trait lies at the root of choosing to be childfree: openness to experience.

A woman on a hike. Photo credit: Canva

Childfree people have a zest for life

The big takeaway from the study is that the underlying personality trait among childfree people is not selfishness. Instead, they tend to have a strong curiosity about the world, which makes them more likely to travel, explore new ideas, and pursue short-term romantic relationships. Many childfree people want to live a carefree life of adventure and growth. Setting that aside for more traditional pursuits, such as raising children, may feel like too great a sacrifice.

The American Psychological Association defines openness to experience as “a dimension of personality characterized by imagination, creativity, intellectual curiosity, and a preference for novelty and variety.”

Jeffrey Davis, a writer at Psychology Today, calls it “the drive to explore novel aspects of human experience and the willingness to consider perspectives different than your own.”

People high on Openness to Experience have lower reproductive success.
Previous research has indicated that individuals with higher levels of the personality trait Openness to Experience tend to have fewer children. Openness to Experience encompasses traits like…
— Rolf Degen (@DegenRolf) November 18, 2025

To study how openness to experience affects reproduction, Aleksandra Milić, a graduate student at the University of Pavia, and Janko Međedović, a professor at the Institute of Criminological and Sociological Research in Belgrade, surveyed 1,024 people online, with an average age of 32.3 years. The survey asked whether participants had any children and, if not, at what age they intended to have them. It also asked how many sexual partners they had and how long their longest romantic relationship had lasted.

People who are open to experience have fewer children

“The main takeaway from our findings is that, in our sample, people higher in Openness to Experience tended to have fewer children,” Milić told PsyPost. “Higher Openness was associated with later entry into parenthood, shorter romantic relationships, and less positive motivation to have children, all of which were linked to fewer children.”

Childfree people on vacation. Photo credit: Canva

The decision to have children can be difficult, especially for women, because the biological window is relatively short and few people want to enter their 50s with regrets. In addition, there is a significant amount of societal pressure and judgment placed on women who choose not to have children.

The good news is that, for those who feel guilty or pressured into having children because they do not want to be seen as selfish, research suggests that selfishness is not the reason at all. Instead, it may simply be that the world is so big, beautiful, and full of opportunities that it would be a waste of a lifetime not to experience as much of it as possible.

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