+
upworthy
More

A powerful, poignant post about men's role in the #MeToo movement went viral.

In a heart-wrenching Facebook post, actor Jim Beaver ("Supernatural," "Deadwood") described being molested by a superior while serving in the U.S. military. But, as he poignantly noted, the #MeToo movement wasn't created for people like him. And that's OK.

The #MeToo hashtag has flooded Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter in recent days as millions of women have shared their personal experiences with sexual harassment and assault, adding "#MeToo" in their posts as an act of solidarity. The hashtag went viral after dozens of survivors came forward, alleging movie mogul Harvey Weinstein had harassed, assaulted, and raped them.

On Facebook, Beaver explained why, even though male survivors of sexual assault like himself certainly deserve to be heard, chiming in on this movement specifically is not necessarily the time or place.



[facebook https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fpermalink.php%3Fstory_fbid%3D10159716945525495%26id%3D254377915494&width=500 expand=1]

In his post, Beaver first describes his own painful experiences overcoming sexual assault.

"As a young Marine, I was repeatedly molested by a high-ranking officer, a Navy doctor who used his position at first to fool a naïve teenager into believing what was happening was standard procedure," the actor wrote. Although Beaver was fortunate enough to be able to rid himself of the situation, he didn't report the officer:


"I often wonder what would have become of me had I found it necessary to report him. Would I have been believed? Would my military prospects have suffered? Would I have found myself in danger? All these questions came to me afterward, because I was fortunate enough to escape the situation without having to put my enlisted-man word up against that of an admiral."

Then, Beaver nailed why you can't separate gender from the overarching issue of sexual assault.

"As a man, I personally cannot, despite my own experience, quite bring myself to join in with a 'Me, too,' even though I see some men doing so," he wrote:

"I respect and support any man who has been sexually misused or sexually bullied. But what seems to have taken the world, at long last, by storm in the past few days is most prominently an issue for women, because while many men have been victimized in such manner, the painful truth is that we live in a world where women are *expected* to put up with such things."

And then he delivered the kicker: "The clear likelihood is that had the current occupant of the White House been caught bragging to a TV reporter about molesting men," Beaver wrote, "he would never have become president. But since it was just women, well, boys will be boys."

The actor touched on a vital point: Sexual harassment against women is so commonplace, it's more surprising if a woman doesn't experience it at some point in her lifetime.

Women are overwhelmingly the victims of sexual violence in the U.S. Research suggests roughly 1 in 6 women has survived an attempted or completed rape, while 1 in 3 women have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. The issue cuts through racial and social lines, too, as people of color, transgender individuals, and those with disabilities (among other marginalized groups) are at increased risks of experiencing sexual violence.

Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images.

To be sure, sexual violence targeting men and boys is a true concern; roughly 14% of rape victims are male, and researchers are worried that figure could be higher, as sexual violence against boys and men remain under-reported. In the wake of the Weinstein allegations, celebrities like Terry Crews and James Van Der Beek have spoken out about their own experiences overcoming sexual abuse and harassment; they certainly deserve to be heard too.

But the #MeToo hashtag was meant to shine a light on the alarming frequency women are forced to endure this type of inexcusable behavior. It shouldn't take a flood of Facebook posts from women vulnerably recapping their experiences of sexual assault for the world to finally care. We need to listen when they tell us their stories the first time — not 30 years later.

Beaver capped off his viral post by noting what he will do instead of chiming in using the #MeToo hashtag.

"Since I'm not comfortable taking on what seems most appropriately a rallying cry for women standing up against a repugnant status quo, I won't say, "Me, too,'" he wrote. "I'll say, 'I believe you.'"

Believing is just the start. Men shouldn't sit paralyzed at their computers, scrolling through #MeToo stories, wondering how to help. They should donate to organizations making real change. They should start having conversations with other men, reiterating that, no, "locker room talk" isn't harmless banter — it often excuses sexual violence. They should learn about the intersectional issues that affect women and other marginalized groups. They should commit to caring about sexual assault long after the rest of the world forgets about a viral hashtag.

Because, guys, this really is on us.

Need help? You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline right now at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or learn more here.

Community

How to end hunger, according to the people who face it daily

Here’s what people facing food insecurity want you to know about solving the hunger problem in America

True

Even though America is the world’s wealthiest nation, about 1 in 6 of our neighbors turned to food banks and community programs in order to feed themselves and their families last year. Think about it: More than 9 million children faced hunger in 2021 (1 in 8 children).

In order to solve a problem, we must first understand it. Feeding America, the nation’s largest domestic hunger-relief organization, released its second annual Elevating Voices: Insights Report and turned to the experts—people experiencing hunger—to find out how this issue can be solved once and for all.

Here are the four most important things people facing hunger want you to know.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pets

Family brings home the wrong dog from daycare until their cats saved the day

A quick trip to the vet confirmed the cats' and family's suspicions.

Family accidentally brings wrong dog home but their cats knew

It's not a secret that nearly all golden retrievers are identical. Honestly, magic has to be involved for owners to know which one belongs to them when more than one golden retriever is around. Seriously, how do they all seem have the same face? It's like someone fell asleep on the copy machine when they were being created.

Outside of collars, harnesses and bandanas, immediately identifying the dog that belongs to you has to be a secret skill because at first glance, their personalities are also super similar. That's why it's not surprising when one family dropped off their sweet golden pooch at daycare and to be groomed, they didn't notice the daycare sent out the wrong dog.

See, not even their human parents can tell them apart because when the swapped dog got home, nothing seemed odd to the owners at first. She was freshly groomed so any small differences were quickly brushed off. But this accidental doppelgänger wasn't fooling her feline siblings.

Keep ReadingShow less
Photo via Canva, @WhattheADHD/Twitter

The 'bionic reading' font is designed to help keep you focused and read faster.

Reading is a fundamental tool of learning for most people, which is why it's one of the first things kids learn in school and why nations set literacy goals.

But even those of us who are able to read fluently might sometimes struggle with the act of reading itself. Perhaps we don't read as quickly as we wish we could or maybe our minds wander as our eyes move across the words. Sometimes we get to the end of a paragraph and realize we didn't retain anything we just read.

People with focus or attention issues can struggle with reading, despite having no actual reading disabilities. It can be extremely frustrating to want to read something and have no issues with understanding the material, yet be unable to keep your mind engaged with the text long enough to get "into" what you're reading.

Keep ReadingShow less

A guy passes out on his bed eating pizza.

A 29-year-old woman had a baby girl, and after a brief maternity leave, she had to return to work. She couldn't afford childcare, so her husband, 35, reluctantly agreed to watch the baby while she was at work.

“It’s important to know that he’s been unemployed since 2021,” the woman wrote on Reddit’s AITA subforum. “He receives benefits. It’s also important to know that he’s extremely lazy. He doesn’t cook, clean, or help out in any way. I was nervous about leaving her home with her father, but I had no choice.”

The mother had reason to be worried about leaving her baby home alone with her husband, but in the beginning, things seemed fine. “When I came back from work, she was clean and sleeping. The next few times I came home, he was either playing with her, feeding her, or out for a walk with her. I was happy,” she wrote.

Keep ReadingShow less

Only child asks her friends what it's like to grow up with siblings.

Ahhh, siblings. Sometimes they're your best friends and other times your living room turns into an MMA octagon over the remote control. If you grew up with brothers and sisters, it's hard to imagine what it would be like to be an only child. (That's not to say you didn't dream about it when your sister stole your favorite shirt for the 30th time.)

But not everyone has siblings, so it can be equally as hard for someone who grew up as an only child to picture what it would be like to have them. Only children also likely had moments where they dreamt of having a little brother or sister, not realizing the literal torment siblings can inflict on each other.

TikTok creator Lonnie IIV recently posted a video of himself with two other friends seemingly out to lunch, when the girl in the group asked what it was like to grow up with siblings. In less than a minute she realized she lucked out being an only child because her two guy friends gave her a crash course in sibling behavior.

Keep ReadingShow less
Photo: courtesy BioCarbon Engineering/WikiCommons

Technology is the single greatest contributor to climate change but it may also soon be used to offset the damage we've done to our planet since the Industrial Age began.

In September 2018, a project in Myanmar used drones to fire "seed missiles" into remote areas of the country where trees were not growing. Less than a year later, thousands of those seed missiles have sprouted into 20-inch mangrove saplings that could literally be a case study in how technology can be used to innovate our way out of the climate change crisis.

Keep ReadingShow less
Health

Artists got fed up with these 'anti-homeless spikes.' So they made them a bit more ... comfy.

"Our moral compass is skewed if we think things like this are acceptable."

Photo courtesy of CC BY-ND, Immo Klink and Marco Godoy

Spikes line the concrete to prevent sleeping.


These are called "anti-homeless spikes." They're about as friendly as they sound.

As you may have guessed, they're intended to deter people who are homeless from sitting or sleeping on that concrete step. And yeah, they're pretty awful.

The spikes are a prime example of how cities design spaces to keep homeless people away.

Keep ReadingShow less