Woman shares texts showing the difference between a healthy and a controlling relationship
Is it a healthy or controlling relationship?

The texting experience between two different men.
This article originally appeared on 04.10.19
Saving old text messages from exes can sometimes be an asset when you need to remember exactly why you left them. Alternately, sometimes digital relics from old relationships are a good reminder of how much good we have in our lives currently.
At least, they did for the Twitter user May Larsen, who recently posted screenshots of two text threads with two very different men.
The conversation on the left shows how an old conversation went down with an emotionally manipulative ex. While the other screenshot is a prime example of what communication in a healthy partnership looks like.
\u201cDifference between a boy and a man.\u201d— Mayc (@Mayc) 1533704969
The emotional dynamics of this exchange are full of red flags.
The unhealthy don’t cheat text.
Pic cropped from Twitter post.
This ex (boyfriend, hookup, whatever he was) went from 0-100 in no time. In fact, the ONLY way this kind of freak out would be excusable would be if they had prior plans she ditched on. Alternately, if he was doing a performance art bit where he embodied Drake's 0-100 via text message. Outside of those possibilities, this type of reaction is nothing short of manipulation and emotional abuse.
The second text message showed how Larsen's current partner responds to a simple night out.
The healthy let me know when you’re home safe text.
Pic cropped from Twitter post.
The difference between these responses to a simple night out on the town is night and day. When comparing the two messages, the red flags really pop.
People on Twitter had a LOT of thoughts about the texts.
Difference between a man and a cuckboi— paxil (@paxil) 1533870240
Some women shared similar experiences with possessive partners.
You\u2019re reminding the one on the left not to cheat. He already has his guard up. The one on the right is just doing the minimum— X \u00c6 A-12 Musk (@X \u00c6 A-12 Musk) 1533905239
A lot of people assumed the texts were from two guys she's currently dating.
SO IS EVERYONE IGNORING SHAWTY TALKING TO TWO GUYS AT THE SAME TIME?????— Not Josh (@Not Josh) 1533864031
Nah dude check the first one she cropped the time and allat out of it. You was right at first— Dee (@Dee) 1533873487
That quickly got shut down.
Don\u2019t get pressed over a joke B.— Dee (@Dee) 1533877627
Meanwhile, others were caught up with the fact that her current dude wears a cowboy hat.
You can tell which one is the man by the cool hat.— Adam Dane (@Adam Dane) 1533867124
YEEHAWW— \u2764\ufe0f\ud83e\udd0d\ud83d\udc7c \u0142\u2c64\u0142\u0246\u20ae\u2c64\u0142\u2c60\u2c60\u0142\u0246 (@\u2764\ufe0f\ud83e\udd0d\ud83d\udc7c \u0142\u2c64\u0142\u0246\u20ae\u2c64\u0142\u2c60\u2c60\u0142\u0246) 1533883789
Regardless of whether the rest of us are pro cowboy hat (I'm pro if you can pull it off), it seems they've got a healthy situation going. Communication is key, in any kind of relationship.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.