Vincint Cannady, who uses they/them pronouns, recently opened up about the grieving process a year after losing their mother. On the podcast Tell Me Something Messy, the musician explains that the loss of their mother came four years after the death of their father. “It is the strangest feeling not having them here,” Cannady says.
Losing a loved one is an unfortunate part of life that most people will experience. No two people grieve the same, but some things about grief remain consistent for everyone. Grief is not linear, and it can show up unexpectedly. But for viewers of the podcast, Cannady’s analogy about grief moved some to tears.
“Grief is like glitter”
Admittedly, the grieving child did not create the analogy, but read it somewhere and found it helpful. The singer explains that losing your parents takes away a certain amount of joy that you don’t realize until you experience it.
“I read something the other day that I thought was really beautiful,” Cannady says. “Grief is like glitter. I don’t know about you, but I hate glitter. It’s lovely at first in small doses, but like grief, you don’t know when it’s coming. You don’t know how much of it is going to be there, but like glitter, glitter gets everywhere.”
They go on to explain that, like after coming into contact with glitter, you find grief everywhere. “It comes in doses, and you’re overwhelmed, and you hate it, and you want to get it off, and you don’t know how to, but it’s there.”
As time passes, the person wearing the glitter showers some of it away, but some still remains. No matter how much you try to rid yourself of it, glitter still shows up. The same goes for grief. No matter how much you try to rid yourself of grief, it still pops up in unexpected places.
It’s then that Cannady shares something beautiful. After fighting with the sticky, sparkly grief for what feels like an eternity, it’s not as present.
Grief never fully goes away
“And then days pass, and weeks pass, and months pass,” Cannady tells the podcast host, Brandon Kyle Goodman. “And then someday you’re in your closet, and you pull out a coat or a jacket, and a bit of glitter falls on your hand, and you get sad because you remember what that glitter means. But it’s not as heavy as it was before, and it’s not as messy as it was before.”
As time passes, glitter is found less often. However, Cannady explains that glitter is part of you now: “Even though it is annoying at times, and sometimes it gets in your eye, but you get it out, and you move on. You remain shiny. It’s just a remembrance of a lot of love.”
The singer shares advice for those experiencing grief, saying that people should give themselves grace. They encourage others not to focus on how other people feel about how you feel about your grief. Grieving is personal, but talking about it with others is therapeutic, according to Cannady. They share that pouring grief into other things, like work or creativity, can be helpful.
“You have to find ways to pour your grief into other things,” they advise. “You pour your grief into your work. You pour your grief into life. You pour your grief into your friends and your relationships, and you make sure that they know how much it means to you. Because it’s not just grief, because before it was grief, it was love. It’s still love. It’s just love in absence.”
When the clip was shared to Instagram, people were moved to tears.
One person comments, “Whew, and just like that — my glitter is back.”
“Whew, I think I have a piece of glitter in my eye because…. I lost my father in July and it truly changes you,” someone else writes.
“I remember I couldn’t say my mom died out loud,” another person shares. “If I did, I would burst into tears. It felt too real!! Saying it out loud almost 2 1/2 years later, it still feels unreal, but it doesn’t hurt as much. I still cry a little while saying it.”
