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11.14.17
A photo collage from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
It's really interesting what nearly 35 years does to the lens of perspective. When my friend invited me to join her family for their once-a-month movie night, she asked which John Hughes movie she should show her 14-year-old twins. The answer was obvious. It had to be something fun, school-related, and iconic. Ferris Bueller's Day Off seemed to be the perfect choice as we Gen X-ers loved it when we were exactly their age in 1986.
The fraternal twins (one boy, one girl) sat down on a rare early Saturday evening when neither had dance practice or a sleepover. We gathered in our comfy clothes, popped some popcorn, and hit "rent now."
They were excited by the opening scene, where an adorable Matthew Broderick (doesn't matter what generation one is, he transcends them all) is pretending to be sick in bed with worrying parents. His sister Jeanie is suspicious and exhausted by his antics, but Ferris prevails. He then proceeds to give a brilliant monologue about eating life up and living in the moment. His now-famous line, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it,” is still plastered in quote books and on Bumble profiles.
The twins seemed inspired, and one of them actually teared up in the first five minutes.
The opening scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Film Studies Fundamntals
Spoilers ahead: the movie is pretty simple. Ferris is a super cool high school kid with a beautiful girlfriend, Sloane, played by Mia Sara. His best friend is a depressed hypochondriac named Cameron, who is played to perfection by Alan Ruck. Ferris skips school a lot (nine times!) and grabs each day by the neck. There are themes of Hedonism, Nihilism, and Taoism, but neither of the twins mentioned that.
The first thing both kids DID bring up (after being delighted by the shower monologue) was how privileged the characters were. Affluent Chicago suburbs, after all, was the setting John Hughes knew best. They also noted, as many have over the years, that Ferris seemed rather selfish and insensitive to what others in his life wanted and needed.
A Ferris Buellers Day Off Film GIFGiphy Paramount Pictures
There have been many conversations over the years about Cameron being the true hero of the film. He has a story arc, unlike Ferris, that is unwavering. He's sad, but pushes through it and even gets the guts up to stand up to his father after a Ferrari incident.
In fact, there was a theory that Ferris was a figment of Cameron's imagination—a Fight Club scenario, if you will. Robert Vaux writes on CBR, "The theory holds that the entire day is a fantasy taking place in Cameron's head while he lies sick in bed. His sickness actually supports the theory: once Ferris comes over, it vanishes, and Cameron plunges energetically, if reluctantly, into the events of the day. According to the theory, it's because there are no events of the day. He's still sick at home, and the whole thing is a daydream."
Cameron GIF in Ferris Buellers Day Off 80SGiphy, Paramount Pictures
I fully expected the twins to have similar thoughts. If not the Fight Club part, at least the idea that Cameron was the true protagonist. But what they (both of them) said instead was shocking. "No," the daughter told me. "I mean, I liked Ferris and I loved Cameron. But it's Jeanie who's the hero here."
Jeanie, the sister mentioned earlier, was played with pure rage by Jennifer Grey. She spends most of the movie attempting to narc on Ferris rather than enjoying her own beautiful day. She is angry and determined until…she meets a "bad boy" at the county jail, played complete with bloodshot eyes by Charlie Sheen.
Taken aback, their mom pushed back. "Jeanie, the sister? Why?"
The son answers, "She just changes the most. She starts out, like, having it in for Ferris. Really, having it in for EVERYONE. And then she just like figures it out." The daughter adds, "Yeah, in the end she was rooting for Ferris. She came the farthest from where she started and she's the one who kinda saved him."
Jennifer Grey meets Charlie Sheen in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, Tvoldy23
Gobsmacked, I turned to Reddit for more answers. In the subreddit r/movies, someone recently posted, "Something I noticed about Ferris Bueller's Day Off." They then proceed to drive the Cameron theory forward. "At the start of the film, Cameron is in bed sickly and not really confident in himself, but as the movie progresses, he starts to get more confidence, and by the end, he gains the courage to stand up to his father."
A Redditor replies with this thoughtful answer: "I've heard it called a flat character arc when the protagonist doesn't change but is instead the catalyst for those around them to change. It's hard to pull off but is often the most satisfying kind of character. Ted Lasso (especially in season one) is a good example."
Others echo that idea, offering up characters like Forrest Gump and The Dude from The Big Lebowski. They stayed exactly the same while the world or others in their lives changed around them. It's described on a YouTube clip as "The moment you realize the main character is not actually the main character."
The movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off is dissected. www.youtube.com, Paramount Pictures, CinemaStix
This would give credence to the twins' opinion. But I'd never heard anyone choose Jeanie before, and they weren't swayed by Grey's performance in Dirty Dancing because they haven't seen it yet. When pressed one more time, their answer didn't change. "No doubt, it's the sister. She should have a spinoff." Their mom was so proud and we all totally agree.
Canva Photos
A viral TikTok argues that women don't want to give up the joy of their own personal peace and freedom for anyone.
There's been a lot of discourse on the state of modern dating and a lot of theories on why it seems harder than ever for people to find connection with romantic partners. Could it be that the achievement and education gaps between men and women are altering the dynamics? Have social media and dating apps broken our brains and hearts? Do we all have unrealistic expectations and unlimited options, leading to never feeling satisfied with anything or anyone?
Those are all intriguing options, but an alternate theory has recently arisen that's quickly gaining steam: Maybe being single isn't as lonely as we think. Maybe being single is actually freaking awesome.
A guy on TikTok who goes by Get To the Point Bro shared a hilarious monologue on why women who have been single for a long time "don't want to date anymore." Women say he absolutely nailed it.
The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot onGiphy
At first, it might seem like he's poking fun, either at single women or at the men who can't seem to win them over. But not so! What he's done is perfectly captured the joy many people find in being single and, frankly, able to do whatever the hell they want.
"Some women have been single for so long they don't date anymore, they grant you access to their peaceful little empire like a reluctant queen handing you a visitor's badge," he says. "You text her good morning and she's already annoyed, like 'Why are you disturbing the sacred silence of my personal growth journey?'"
He goes on, "Bro she's been sleeping diagonally in her bed for three years, she's not giving up that territory because you opened the door and paid for coffee."
"You plan a cute date, she's thinking 'That sounds nice but also I could stay home, deep clean my apartment, do a 12 steps skincare routine, order sushi and not have to listen to a man breathe.'"
"You try to check in emotionally, 'How are you feeling?' She's feeling fantastic because you're not here."
"You're not competing with other guys. There are no other guys. You're competing with her weighted blanket, her peace, her cat named Chairman Meow, and the simple joy of not having to share her fries."
These are just a few of the best lines from the nearly 2-minute rant, all delivered in the most amazing French accent you can imagine. Please, enjoy:
@gettothepointbro DATING A GIRL WHO IS USED TO BE ALONE CAN BE VERY HARD .
The best thing about the video is the discussion in the comments. Women want to know how this man got access to this top-secret information. The rant is so eerily, frighteningly accurate that women are convinced this French guy is living in their heads. That, or someone's secretly leaking intel.
"dammit. somebody call a meeting of the council. he knows too much."
"I dont often offer this compliment to the male species but you explained it better than I ever could."
"Alright, who’s told him this info??? So exposed right now"
"The joy of sleeping diagonally across my bed cannot be fully explained."
"This is the most accurate profiling I’ve ever heard. You absolutely ailed it."
Clearly, we've tapped into a real phenomenon here.
@gettothepointbro CAN YOU RELATE LADIES ? THAT’S WHY WE LOVE YOU ❤️
The truth is that many people—both men and women—are disillusioned with the sad state of the dating scene these days. App burnout is a real thing, and meeting new people in real life is a ton of work. So, it's no surprise that more and more people are just choosing to stay single and enjoy all the perks that come along with it. This is a stark change, especially for women.
According to FiveThirtyEight, "Women were also more likely than men to say that they weren’t dating because they have other priorities right now." Priorities like travel, career, friendship, and even just self-care—all things that wind up taking a backseat when people get involved in relationships. It wasn't too long ago that women of a certain age that were still single were called "spinsters," but that word has lost a significant amount of power. This new generation of women aren't embarrassed or ashamed to be single; they're loving it for exactly all the reasons this video describes.
This article originally appeared in April.
Get ready to go full throttle down memory lane.
Time passes and things change, not just in the broad collective strokes of how we approach health, family, love, and work, but even in how we navigate day-to-day life. Especially when it comes to convenience. Objects that seemed cutting edge back in the day now seem like arduous relics. Seriously, can you imagine going back to a time when Alexa didn’t play your morning jams and read off our to-do list for the day? No thank you!
On that note, someone recently asked, "What were some everyday objects from your youth or your parents/grandparents’ youth that an adult today wouldn’t know about?” Elaborating further, they added, “I’m not talking about a rotary telephone or the milk man coming by the door. I’m talking about ubiquitous things no one can even remember.”
While answers varied, one prevailing theme was the amount of effort required by so many of these everyday objects. And yet, that was their charm—forcing folks to be a bit more in the moment. Similarly, just the way some things were made to last longer, have better quality, etc. is a stark contrast to the mass production single-use mentality we have now. Even still, I think some of these items we’re more than glad to be rid of (see # 3)
Without further ado, here are some of those long gone objects:
1. "Mascara that came in a little box, like eyeshadow. There was also a little brush that came with it."
2. "Cream rinse. After shampooing, you'd put a capful of cream rinse in a glass of water and pour the whole thing over your hair to detangle. That was before we had conditioners."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
3. "Belted maxi pads."
“Don't forget the incinerettes on the ladies room wall to burn those suckers. That was free at least,” someone added.
4. "Sardine cans that came with a key to open them."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
5. "TVs or radios that you had to wait for them to 'warm up' for a few seconds before they worked. And who remembers color bars'? When the station would just show colored bars for a minute to give you time to adjust the color on your set?"
6. "A booklet to keep S&H Green Stamps or Blue Chip Stamps."
- YouTubeyoutube.com
7. “Clamp-on steel kids’ roller skates.”
Remember these?i.ebayimg.com
8. "Imagine, if you will, a world where you drive into a gas station, and a man in uniform comes out and asks what octane you want. Then, he proceeds to open the hood and check your oil level and radiator fluid. After, he washes ALL the car windows, takes your money, and thanks you for stopping by."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
9. "The first time Catholic girls were allowed to wear 'stockings' was during their Confirmation. It was a rite of passage, and mine was in 1968. The stockings were scratchy, thigh-high things held up by these weird garter belts with rubbery clips."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
10. "Paregoric. It was given to us kids who had diarrhea. It was opium! You won't see that in medicine cabinets anymore."
11. "Darning needles and darning yarn. In the 1960s (more or less), it was still worthwhile to darn socks. But by the 1980s, socks were cheap enough that darning was mostly a thing of the past. Maybe it's just me, though. Does anyone still darn socks?"
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
12. "A mangle ironing machine."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
13."Mercury oral thermometers. Had a fever? Your thermometer was made of glass and filled with mercury. Yes, that mercury. The temperature would lock in, so you'd have to shake the thermometer before using it. Every now and again, one would drop and shatter, so you'd have a few drops of liquid mercury to play with! What kid doesn't want to play with mercury? I wish I were kidding. Fun times!"
14. "The little plastic piece you put in the hole on a 45 record that would make it fit and play on the record player."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
15. "A tabletop clamp-on meat grinder."
16. "Colored toilet paper."
An example of vintage colored toilet paper. preview.redd.it
17. "My grandmother had a telephone desk, similar to a school desk. It had a chair and a small table where the large, heavy rotary desk phone sat, and on the side was a wire rack for the directory and Yellow Pages."
This could still be useful. i.ebayimg.com
18. "McDonald's french fries used to be cooked in beef tallow. The taste was phenomenally good and nothing like the bland ones of today."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
19. "Crank handles to start tractors. There were no push buttons back then."
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
20. "Toothpaste came in a can! It looked like a 1930s-era whiskey flask and contained pumice powder and flavoring. You'd open the lid, wet your toothbrush, rub it in the powder, and brush your teeth. Then, you'd just repeat the processes as needed."
21.“The little triangle window on a car we called the 'windbreaker'--you had to open that so you could put your window down while driving so there wasn't as much noise. A/C was not standard. Also, curb indicators on cars.”
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
22.“Pantyhose in eggs.”
(This is in reference to the distinctive plastic egg-shaped container in which L'eggs pantyhose were sold.)
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
23. “One thing that was often seen back in my youth and for a year I also had them but I haven't seen for a couple of decades are metal heel plates (also known as ‘taps’) to prevent boot and shoe heels from wearing down.
24. “Hershey's chocolate bars used to come in foil. Peeling it off was satisfying.”
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
Last but not least…
25. “Jelly-jar drinking glasses with cartoon characters on them.”
These need to come back. i.etsystatic.com
People with dementia can roam freely in a dementia village.
Living with dementia is not easy, nor is living with someone living with dementia. No matter how much caregivers may want to keep a loved one with dementia in their home, it's not always feasible. But moving them into a traditional care facility isn't always ideal, either.
That's where a "dementia village" comes in as an alternative. Instead of trying to fit a person with dementia into a living situation that either isn't designed for them or is overly focused on their limitations, a dementia village is an environment designed specifically to help people with severe dementia feel safe and free and live as normal a life as possible.
People with dementia tend to remember distant memories and forget recent ones.Photo credit: Canva
The Hogeweyk was the world's first dementia village, founded in 2009. Since then, the idea has been replicated in dozens of locations all over the world. The concept is quite simple: A full, self-contained neighborhood where people with dementia can walk around freely without fear of getting lost, where everyone from shopkeepers to restaurant servers to salon workers are trained in dementia care, and where people who are losing their memory to dementia diseases are treated as people who still have aspirations.
Eloy van Hal, one of the founders of the Hogeweyk, explained to Vox how the guiding principle of the village is "normalcy." Traditional nursing homes keep all residents under one roof, and they are subject to whatever program the institution provides for them. In the Hogeweyk, people live in small groups of six or seven in apartments with furnishings like they'd have at home. Distinct landmarks in the public space help residents know where they are, and putting a theater, grocery store, barber shop, etc. in separate buildings encourage movement through the neighborhood.
"It's about choice, choice, choice, where you want to be during the whole day and with whom," said van Hal. The idea is to balance safe design with controlled risk, allowing for as much of a normal life as possible.
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
The one downside to the village concept, of course, is cost. Without adequate funding assistance from governments, living in a dementia village can be prohibitively expensive.
Does it really make a difference for residents, though? Has it been proven that outcomes are better than traditional care models? With dozens of villages now being used around the world, research is ongoing but the data from the Hogeweyk is promising. People in the comments of Vox's by Design video shared how such facilities have been life-changing for their loved ones and how traditional care doesn't always meet the needs of people with dementia.
"My grandmother had dementia and when her caretaker who was my grandfather (her husband) passed unexpectedly we had to scramble to get her into a memory care facility in the US. The first place she was in temporarily was so sad, I could see her spirit drain but after about a year we were able to get her into a "village" and the quality of life difference is nothing short of ASTOUNDING! She could function in a way that was familiar and comfortable to her and not be in a foreign hospital setting. The abrupt change from a home where they are familiar, to a clinical setting must be very disorienting and upsetting to these people. That side of my family had mental health issues and memory loss starts early, so I know it will happen to me to some extent and I only hope I can have people take care of me as well as in this Hogeweyk."
"I've worked in a nursing home through high school and college. While I can't say it was the worst place for dementia patients, it certainly did not work well for all of them. One patient once tried to wedge herself through the door begging to go outside with me and I even had patients confide in me that they hated being institutionalized, they missed being able to live a normal life, being part of a real community, and being able to come and go as they pleased. This concept is probably the closest thing possible to a normal life a dementia patient could ever have."
All the workers in a dementia village are trained in memory care.Photo credit: Canva
"A relative of mine used to get aggressive, violent and angry when she would encounter a locked door in the institution she was in. She couldn't understand why there would be a locked room in what she understood to be 'her home', this would take a lot of calming down and management, only for her to discover another locked door, and kick off again. I love these village based models as they allow autonomy for residents, and have an individual experience. Just because someone has a brain disease doesn't mean they aren't entitled to the very best care. I hope the govt spends far more on these establishments in the future."
"As he said at the end, people with dementia are still people—even if there is proven to be no benefits to this model over a care home, I would much prefer to have dignity in my final days than live in a clinical trap. Love all the incredible ideas the Netherlands come up with."
Dementia care is something Americans are going to have to look at closely. According to The Alzheimer's Association, the number of people living with Alzheimer's is set to nearly double from seven million to 13 million by the year 2050. As more of our elders require full-time care, the more we'll have to consider prioritizing putting resources into things like dementia villages.
Everyone deserves safety and a good quality of life. The Hogeweyk is a great example of what it looks like to view people with dementia as people first and to care for them accordingly.
This article originally appeared in April.
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