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Texas valedictorian drops her commencement speech to get real about state's anti-abortion bill

Tim Rogers/YouTube

Lake Highlands High School valedictorian Paxton Smith made waves with her commencement speech this week, as she discarded her approved remarks and spoke about Texas's anti-abortion "heartbeat bill" instead.

Smith told D Magazine that the speech she had prepared and submitted for approval was about media consumption and how it had shaped her view of the world. But she had also prepared a different speech, one that addressed something far more important to her.

When the time came to step up to the microphone, she took out a folded piece of paper tucked into her shirt and delivered the second speech instead. Clips of her remarks have since gone viral on social media.


Paxton Smith Speech at Lake Highlands Graduationyoutu.be

Here's her speech in full:

"As we leave high school we need to make our voices heard. I was going to get up here and talk to you about TV and content and media because those are things that are very important to me. However, in light of recent events, it feels wrong to talk about anything but what is currently affecting me and millions of other women in this state.

Recently the heartbeat bill was passed in Texas. Starting in September, there will be a ban on abortions that take place after 6 weeks of pregnancy, regardless of whether the pregnancy was a result of rape or incest. 6 weeks. Most women don't even realize they're pregnant by then. And so, before they have the time to decide if they are emotionally, physically, and financially stable enough to carry out a full-term pregnancy, before they have the chance to decide if they can take on the responsibility of bringing another human into the world, the decision has been made for them by a stranger. A decision that will affect the rest of their lives.

I have dreams, hopes, and ambitions. Every girl here does. We have spent our whole lives working towards our futures, and without our consent or input, our control over our futures has been stripped away from us. I am terrified that if my contraceptives fail me, that if I'm raped, then my hopes and efforts and dreams for myself will no longer be relevant. I hope you can feel how gut-wrenching it is, how dehumanizing it is, to have the autonomy over your own body taken from you.

And I'm talking about this today, on a day as important as this, on a day honoring the students' efforts in twelve years of schooling, on a day where we're all brought together, on a day where you will be the most inclined to hear a voice like mine, a woman's voice, to tell you that this is a problem. A problem that can't wait. I refuse to give up this platform to promote complacency and peace, when there is a war on my body and a war on my rights. A war on the rights of your sisters, a war on the rights of your mothers, a war on the rights of your daughters.

We cannot stay silent."

Smith told D Magazine that it "feels great" to have said what she wanted to say to her graduating class.

"It also feels a little weird," she added. "Whenever I have opinions that can be considered political or controversial, I keep them to myself because I don't like to gain attention for that kind of stuff. But I'm glad that I could do something, and I'm glad that it's getting attention. It just feels weird for me personally, that I'm linked to the attention that the speech got."

As of yesterday, Smith had not faced any direct consequences from school administrators, though a couple of them had told her that they could withhold her diploma. She will be headed to UT Austin in the fall and encourages everyone to register to vote and stay involved in local elections.

Brava, Ms. Smith. Thank you for using your voice and moment in the spotlight to speak up for the right all people should have to make personal medical decisions without government interference.

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What conscientious men can do to help women feel safer in public

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If you've spent time on social media the past two weeks, you've undoubtedly seen a deluge of content about women feeling unsafe going about daily life. For some of us, especially those who have survived violence, the fear is constant. For others, it's a hum in the background of our minds that gets louder in certain situations. But I don't think it's a stretch to say that most women think about their bodily safety far more often than men do.

Women have been sharing mental checklists we go through to navigate the world, and it's a lot. Even those of us who have managed to get through life in a woman's body without being assaulted still have to think about our safety all. the. time.

Obviously, the best thing men can do to help women feel safe is to actually be safe. Equally obvious is the fact that creeps who harass or molest or assault women aren't looking for a list like this to change their behavior. But there's a lot that good men can do to help ease the burden women feel when we're out and about.

Here are some tips for men who genuinely want women to feel safe, who may not realize they're inadvertently making us feel unsafe, and who understandably need some guidance on what actually helps.

1. Recognize that our wariness of you is not personal.

If I'm walking to my car after leaving the grocery store at night and you walk out behind me, I probably won't think much of it. If your car happens to be parked near mine, and you're walking behind me the whole time I'm headed there, my radar will probably go up. I'll probably pull out my keys and be ready to gouge you in the eyes if I have to. It's not you. I just have no way of knowing whether you're a sweet, kind guy just going to his car or a predator who sees an opportunity. I want to believe the former, but I have to be prepared for the latter. We know it's #notallmen. We just don't know which men.

We already second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're overreacting, every single time our guard goes up. When you take our wariness personally because you wouldn't hurt a fly, it doesn't help. What does help is knowing you understand why we feel the way we feel and why we take the precautions we take.

2. Keep your distance.

You may not realize it, but when we're on the same block together, we are keenly aware of how close you are to us and how fast you are walking. When you're behind us, we are constantly calculating whether we're far enough away from you to be able to run if your speed picks up. When you're walking toward us, we're calculating your size and build to determine whether we could fend you off. Again, nothing personal.

Knowing this is what's going through our minds, it's helpful if you remain at a distance. If you need to pass us, make a wide enough berth to make it obvious that you're avoiding getting close to us. Ideally, you'd cross the street, keep your face visible, and avoid looking our way too much. If we're on a running trail or something, give us a verbal cue ahead of time that you're just approaching to pass, like "Jogging up on your left!"

I know some good guys who will keep an eye on a woman who is walking alone to make sure no one else messes with her. That's great—just give us plenty of space or walk ahead of us and keep your ears open rather than watching us from behind. And while you might think it's polite to let a woman go first when exiting a bus or train or building, we generally feel safer with you in front of us than behind us.

3. Keep your hands to yourself, even in passing.

Some people are touchy-feely by nature, and some casual forms of touch are just automatic for some people. However, many women will have a visceral response to being touched by men they don't know, even if there's no weird or inappropriate intention behind it.

For example, a man will sometimes put his hand on a woman's lower back while walking past her in a crowded place. Don't do that. What may be a natural thing for you may feel like an invasion of body safety to the woman you're touching. Not every woman will be bothered by this, but I know many women who are. Going out of your way to avoid touching a woman you don't know signals that you're aware of how women feel and want them to feel safe and comfortable and respected. We notice such things.

4. Offer to escort your female friends places.

Don't act surprised or confused if a woman asks you to walk her home. Feel free to take it as a compliment that a woman feels fairly safe with you, but also don't assume it means we're hitting on you. We know we're much less likely to be targeted if we have a man with us, so we're using your presence as a deterrent more than seeing you as a superhero.

Keep in mind that most women are assaulted by someone she knows, not strangers. This is a reality we're aware of when asking for you to walk us somewhere. Even if we know you, we're only asking because we've weighed the potential risks and decided you're safer than walking alone. But we may not feel 100% safe with you, either.

5. Intervene when women are being objectified or harassed.

Whether you're hanging out with a group of guy friends when someone makes a sexist joke or you're walking down the street and see a woman being cat-called, say something. "Don't do that, man. Don't be that guy," can go a long way. And if you see a woman being harassed, physically putting yourself between her and the harasser and staying with her until the harasser leaves can be helpful.

If you've witnessed a woman being harassed or assaulted, approach her gently and offer assistance. "Are you okay? Would you like me to call a [friend, manager, security, police, etc.] for you? I'll stay with you until they arrive. I saw what happened and am happy to serve as a witness." Follow the woman's lead, but understand she might be scared. Keep a bit of distance, but let her know you're there to help however she needs it.

6. Don't flirt with a woman who isn't showing any interest.

The nuances of attraction and flirtation can be tricky to decipher sometimes, but not as tricky as we sometimes make them. When a woman isn't interested at all, she'll usually make it pretty clear. The "playing hard to get" idea is largely a myth, so if a woman is putting of signals that she's not actively interested in you—answering your questions as briefly as possible, avoiding direct eye contact, excusing herself from a conversation, not initiating any contact—don't flirt with her. It comes across as creepy.

Yes, she might just be extremely shy. But being overtly flirtatious isn't going to go over well in that case, either. Basically, assume a woman doesn't want to be flirted with unless she gives you some very clear signs that she's interested in you.

7. Be an example and a mentor to younger men and boys.

What women are feeling and experiencing isn't anything new. This stuff has been perpetuated for generations, and we need to break the cycle somehow. One of the best things men can do is to set an example for younger males. Show them what it looks like to listen to women. Talk to them about what they can do to be good men, safe men, supportive men. Nip bad behavior and attitudes toward women and girls in the bud early. Be aware of the messages they are getting from society, entertainment, media, etc. and counteract harmful messaging they're hearing.

Women are tired. It's exhausting to constantly be running imaginary scenarios through our heads and preparing ourselves for potential threats to our bodies. It's exhausting to constantly wonder if we're being overly paranoid, only to hear another story of a woman we know being assaulted. Thanks to the good men working to change that reality and doing what they can to help women walk through the world without fear.

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A male 'feminist' criticized Phoebe Bridgers' guitar-smashing on SNL. It didn't end well.

Saturday Night Live/YouTube

Singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers made waves with her performance on Saturday Night Live for perhaps the most modern-day reason ever.

At the end of her second song, "I Know the End," Bridgers let out a primal scream before smashing her guitar on a monitor. As could be predicted, some people had opinions—including a popular Twitter account "BrooklynDad_Defiant!" who got himself into hot water as a self-described feminist with a rather un-feminist take.

"Why did this woman, Phoebe Bridgers, destroy her guitar on SNL?" he wrote. "I mean, I didn't care much for the song either, but that seemed extra."

Before we get into the whole "policing a female musician for doing something male musicians have done for decades" thing, here's Bridgers' full performance of the song so you can see what leads up to the guitar smashing. "I Know the End" is a ballad that escalates to heavy metal. The lyrics of the song are up for interpretation, but they seem to start with a kind of personal storytelling and gradually lead to an apocalyptic ending.

Phoebe Bridgers: I Know The End (Live) - SNLyoutu.be

For some, the scream and the guitar smashing at the end were cathartic. If you haven't felt like letting out a big, guttural "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" and smashing something during the past year, you're definitely living a charmed life.

But even without the pandemic/political dumpster fire of 2020, smashing a guitar during a performance isn't anything unprecedented. Male rock band members have been destroying instruments after playing since at least the 1960s.


Some people poked fun at BrooklynDad for his grandpa-like response (although most grandpas of today were young during the original guitar-smashing era).

Others pointed out the sexist nature of the complaint. (The addition of "this woman" in the original tweet is what really pushes it into this category, on top of the fact that male guitar smashers are viewed as badass rock 'n' roll stars.)



However, some complaints came from people who say they just hate seeing a musical instrument being destroyed no matter who does it. Having a musician with a handmade violin in my household, I understand the visceral response. However, not all instruments are precious works of craftsmanship, and even if you hate to see a perfectly good guitar get smashed, there's the performance art element that goes with the apocalyptic ending of the song to consider.

The same argument about waste could be made with any movie that destroys cars. The question of what is wasteful when it comes to art is totally subjective. But also, that guitar doesn't appear to be some kind of priceless instrument.

In fact, Bridgers says she contacted the guitar company to tell them she was going to do it, and they wished her luck and told her they were hard to break.

They were right. One funny part of all of this is that it doesn't really look like the guitar even broke. Though it may have some damage, it appeared to stay intact throughout the "smashing." Feels like maybe she should have turned it on its side for full smashing effect.

The monitor she smashed the guitar against appeared to take a beating, but Bridgers clarified that it wasn't even a real monitor.

So yeah. Much ado about nothing, and all because people can't stop themselves from voicing an unsolicited opinion any time a woman does anything outside of the prescribed norm.

As far as the "why" question in the original post? Maybe it's because of stuff like this.

Marilyn Manson is a whole other article, but suffice it to say that pretty much every woman on Earth has every justification to scream and smash things, especially in times and places where no one is being harmed by it. Doing so in a performance of a song about the world ending during a time period where we all need to let off some steam feels about right. Carry on, Ms. Bridgers.

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A mother's heartbreaking story highlights the challenge of defining 'late-term abortion'

Haylie Grammer/Facebook

Part of the problem with debating abortion legislation is that there is no clear definition of what it even is. Some might say it's the termination of an unwanted pregnancy, but sometimes a pregnancy that ends in abortion was very much wanted. Some might say it's the killing of a baby in the womb, but plenty of abortions take place after a baby has already died in utero.

Merriam-Webster defines abortion as "the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus"—a definition that points to the following heartbreaking story and the reason why abortion is not as cut and dry an issue as many make it out to be.

Haylie Grammer shared her family's experience with "late-term abortion" in the death of her daughter, Embree, at 25 weeks, and it illustrates how abortion can look very, very different than what people imagine it to be.

Grammer wrote:

"I saw this article today about Senator Gary Peters and his abortion story. It reminded me why I am pro-choice and reminded me that people need to hear my story too. Some of you may have already heard my story, but I think it is a good reminder of how politics are used to control women's bodies and how everything isn't always what it seems on the surface.

4.5 years ago, I gave birth to my first born. Her name was Embree Eleanor Grammer. She was born via c-section on April 25, 2016. She weighed 4lbs 4oz. She was only 25 weeks gestation. She lived for approximately 20-30 minutes. She was born with a tumor that was roughly the size of a volleyball that was invading her body both externally and internally. It was sucking her blood supply, pushing her organs out of place, deforming her body, and overworking her heart. We found out about the tumor only 5 weeks prior. In that 5 weeks the tumor grew from about the size of a walnut to the volleyball. I grew along with it, from the tiny bump of a first time mom at 20 weeks to measuring the same as a pregnant woman who was roughly 36 weeks along. In 5 weeks.

That 5 weeks was the hardest 5 weeks of my life. We had sonograms twice weekly, traveled across the state to visit more specialists, and were told that essentially our sweet Embree would probably not make it. We had a choice to make. The state of Texas allows an abortion a time period after 20 weeks if the pregnancy is life threatening to the mother or if the fetus has "abnormalities." We qualified for this. I have always been pro-choice, but I have never been pro-abortion for myself. While I agree that women have the right to do what is best for them, I myself wasn't ever planning on getting an abortion. I also had hope. Hope that Embree would be healed. Hope that the tumor would stop growing. So we chose to push on with the pregnancy, hoping that Embree would have a chance. I was counting down to the age of viability, just hoping that if I could keep Embree cooking until then, maybe.... just maybe, modern medicine and prayers could keep her alive.

We were not only closely monitoring Embree, but doctors were closely monitoring me. Even though Embree was still alive, she was not in good shape. She was developing Hydrops and I was at a risk of developing mirror syndrome. This would be life threatening to me if it fully developed. On April 22 I went to my second sonogram of the week and my doctors were concerned with the swelling in my feet. I was told that I had a decision to make. Not only was I starting to develop the beginnings of mirror syndrome, but we were 2 weeks away from 27 weeks. This was important because at 27 weeks, I would no longer be able to deliver Embree in Texas via c-section. Why? Because according to the law, by choosing to deliver Embree this early, I would be having an abortion. And while at 24.5 weeks I was still in the grey area of Texas Abortion law where I could deliver her, at 27 weeks I would not be. Surprised this is considered an abortion? Many are. Stay with me.

We decided to schedule our c-section for that Monday. I would be 25 weeks. We made it past the age of viability, but it was becoming obvious that she would not make it. We met with NICU doctors and they reviewed our case. They decided that they would not be attempting any life saving attempts on Embree after she was delivered. This meant officially, we were choosing to have an abortion. We were giving birth to our child early, knowing full well that she would not survive. This is what 'late term abortion' looks like. Catch that political buzz word? I will explain more below.

As you can imagine, this was the worst and longest weekend of our life. We knew that in 2 days we would be meeting our daughter and letting her go. But it gets so much worse. Again, this is considered an abortion. A late term abortion. The State of Texas, like most states who have a large majority who claim to be 'pro-life,' has many restrictions in place to prevent abortions from happening. Here is the thing about abortion legislation.... it doesn't differentiate between what we were going through and what the 'pro-life' groups think they are preventing. The laws in Texas stated that in order for us to give birth to Embree and have a chance to hold her while her soul still resided in her body, we had to do the following: 1. Our doctor had to apply for permission to perform the c-section from the state. This had to be done 24 hours before the surgery. We had to go to the hospital on the Saturday before we were to give birth, in the midst of our mourning, to sign a paper requesting an abortion. Put yourself in that situation. Forever, in the records of the State of Texas, there is a piece of paper that says that I aborted my precious Embree. 2. On top of filing this paperwork for us, our doctor also had to give me a pamphlet published by the State of Texas about the consequences of abortion. By law, she was required to give me a booklet that told me that if I had the abortion I would suffer from depression and anxiety for the rest of my life, have an increased risk of breast cancer, and possible be infertile in the future. Think I'm kidding? Have a look: https://hhs.texas.gov/.../women.../womans-right-to-know.pdf

If you consider yourself "pro-life" you are probably thinking something like, "yes but your situation was different. This isn't what I'm fighting against." Or maybe you're thinking "but I don't consider this abortion." Great. But the actual definition of abortion is "the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus." So while YOU might not consider what we went through to be an "abortion," it was. I had an abortion. I had a late-term abortion.

Why am I bringing this up? Why am I telling you this? Because when lawmakers and people fight to end 'abortion,' they are talking about this too. When you hear about 'late term abortions' taking place, THIS is what is happening. It's not women who have carried babies to full term and then just deciding to have an abortion. It is women and families who are devastated that they are in a situation in which they have to decide whether to let a child suffer in the womb, or end their suffering. 'Pro-life' laws are designed to make this process difficult. They are designed to put obstacles in place. This process is already difficult enough. Even women who are deciding to have an abortion at 8 weeks. It's already a hard decision so why are we allowing people to torture them too. Every time people talk about saving the babies and being pro-life, I cringe on the inside. Not because I don't want to save babies, but because I want to save babies. Save babies from suffering that they are made to endure because some man who has no medical training has decided that he knows women's bodies better than doctors. I cringe because I know as a survivor of these terrible 'pro-life' laws that these laws are being used to trick women in America to vote against their own interest in hopes that they are saving the unborn. I cringe every time I hear people call those who vote in favor of Pro-Choice laws... 'murderers,' because they are saying I murdered my Embree.

I chose to deliver Embree on April 25, 2016 via c-section. I chose late-term abortion. I did so because it was the only way I could hold my baby girl while she was still alive. It was the only way I could encounter her soul until we are together again in heaven. This is why I am Pro-choice. Remember Embree and I when you vote."

If your first response to this story is, "But that's not abortion!" you're not just incorrect, you've also missed the point. Due to the circumstances and the laws of the state she was in, yes, this was legally considered an abortion. And if you think it shouldn't be, who do you think should make that decision? Who gets to define abortion so that it accounts for the millions of different individual circumstances that come into play? Most of us don't even want the government deciding which doctors we can go to—do we really want elected officials with no medical training making decisions about our specific, personal medical care?

Grammer isn't alone in sharing personal abortion stories that people don't think of as abortion. The families who desperately wanted a baby, who ended up having to make the rock-and-a-hard-place choice to abort because the alternative would have been a short, pain-filled life for their child. The mothers having to endure long, drawn out, potentially dangerous miscarriages and being forced to carry a dead baby inside of them because abortion restrictions gave them no other choice.

Some might say that these stories and experiences are not the norm, but they actually are when it comes to late-term abortion. Third trimester abortions are medical choices that aren't easy for any individual or family, and they are situations that medical professionals and patients need to make together, not the government. Pete Buttigieg said it beautifully: "The bottom line is, as horrible as that choice is, that woman, that family may seek spiritual guidance, they may seek medical guidance, but that decision is not going to be made any better, medically or morally, because the government is dictating how that decision should be made."

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