phone

Most kids these days have phones. In a 2025 survey conducted by Florida State University on the digital media use of American tweens aged 11-13 years old, nearly 80% of kids in the age range had a smart phone—with one-third of them reporting they got their first phone by the age of 10.

And while the impacts of phone access for tweens is still being studied, a 2024 study published in the Journal of Human Development and Capabilities found that kids under 13 who owned smartphones reported worse mental health outcomes than those who didn't.

Phone use is a common issue many parents navigate with their tweens these days. And a mom with a tween daughter (who she says is currently 12 years old going on 13), shared with fellow parents on the subreddit r/Parenting the major changes she noticed after taking away her daughter's phone and tablet access.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

She explained, "Long story short, there was a lot of toxic stuff happening between the kids, and it was all through these huge group chats. They’d be constantly in contact, texting each other, FaceTiming, etc. And the way they spoke to each other wasn’t healthy, it was vulgar and rude under the guise of being quirky."

The mom's resolution? "I went nuclear. Immediately had her hand over her devices. Bought an AirTag for her backpack so I can find her when I pick her up from school. The only screen she can use is the living room tv," she explained. "This sounds harsh, but I had previously tried adjusting screen time settings to be more strict and it wasn’t yielding the results I wanted. So a full detox it is."

To her shock, she shared how her daughter practically transformed overnight. "And oh boy, not even 24 hours later I have a totally different kid,," she wrote. "She is out of her bedroom. She wants to be around us! She’s engaging with her little sister and laughing with us. Boredom has been so, so good. And we’re only on day 2 right now. What I thought would feel like a miserable punishment has actually lifted her up and brought her spark back."

The story resonated with parents and teachers alike, who shared their experiences dealing with tweens and technology use. Another mom shared, "We've recently had to cut our child's screen time too. She's a similar age, and was also isolating herself, sullen, bored, angry all the time, etc, and it turned out there were some unideal conversations happening. She's like a different kid too. Even playing with her younger siblings! This was all on a school-issued laptop, thankfully her teacher was on board and said she'd rather her not do her homework if that's what was needed. It almost feels like she's relieved we took control. We are going to do things so differently from now on."

One educator commented, "As a teacher in a state with the new banned cell laws, I can tell you it is working. I have students participating in class discussions, they are turning work in. They are focused. There are still those who will not work but we had the same type of students when I was a student before cell phones. It’s been a game changer in our district."

One parent explained how they plan to address their son's tech accessibility, commenting, "I am planning to get my 11 year old a watch that can text, make calls from the watch, see his location, etc. About the same price as a phone and corresponding plan but fewer of the headaches," they wrote.

Other parents offered helpful resources. "The book The Anxious Generation is a must read for all parents. The research supports taking away smartphones and tablets and social media," one added. Another noted, "Another good one: Stolen Focus."

How parents can delegate phone use with tweens

Many parents are processing how to delegate or cut off phone use with their tweens, deciding what is healthiest and realistic for them.

"Tweens are at a critical stage where their brains are still developing key skills like self-regulation, patience, and resilience," Tessa Stuckey, MA, LPC, a mental health counselor and founder of LookUp (a nonprofit resource to support families facing the growing challenges of screen use and social media), tells Upworthy.

She adds that constant access to phones and tablets interferes with that development by "offering instant gratification, endless comparison, and exposure to content they’re not emotionally ready for. Taking a break allows their brains and bodies to reset—helping them rediscover creativity, real connection, and the ability to tolerate boredom, which is essential for growth."

Here are three tips to help you navigate phone use with your tween:

Tip #1: Establish clear boundaries early
Stuckey notes that parents should make it clear from the start that devices are tools, not toys.

"Set family rules about when, where, and how they can be used—for example, no devices in bedrooms at night and no screens at the dinner table," she says. "By sticking to these rules consistently, kids learn that screens are a privilege, not a right."

Tip #2: Replace, don’t just remove
When you cut off screen time, have alternatives ready.

"Encourage activities that naturally release dopamine and bring joy—like going outside, playing a game, cooking together, or simply letting them get bored," says Stuckey. "This not only makes the transition easier but also teaches them how to regulate without always relying on a device."

Tip #3: Use screens intentionally together
Not all screen use is harmful if it’s guided.

"Watch a show together, look up a recipe, or FaceTime with family—modeling intentional use shows kids the difference between mindless scrolling and purposeful connection," Stuckey explains. "Over time, they’ll learn that the healthiest way to use devices is with balance and purpose."