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Parenting

Woman with 'insecure attachment' shows the reality of marrying into an affectionate family

"I want to say I love you back but my brain glitches."

insecure attachment; attachment styles; secure attachment; affectionate family; parenting
Photo credit: Canva

Reality of marrying into affectionate family when insecurely attached

Attachment style is something that seems to have gained a lot of popularity on social media, which can translate to real life interactions like dating. Everyone wants to have the "gold star" attachment style–secure attachment. Not everyone can have a secure attachment style, but that doesn't mean they'll never have one since this is not a fixed trait.

Shantel Smith, has a self proclaimed insecure attachment style, which can cause people to be a bit more guarded in their approach to interpersonal relationships. The social media creator recently made a video about what it's like to have an insecure attachment style while integrating into a family that is very affectionate.

Smith recently got married and became a stepmother to three children. From the looks of the video, she is adored by her stepchildren and their father, but all of the affection seems to be a bit overwhelming for the new mom.

In the video, Smith gets an unexpected hug from one of her step-kids and appears to be confused and uncomfortable. The next frame highlights "goodbye rituals" where we hear one of the children telling her bye before leaving but continuing to say "I love you" louder and louder until the new stepmom says it back.

Smith writes in the caption of her video, "there was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined."

The video struck a chord with several people in the comments who expressed their own discomfort with being affectionate due to their attachment style or upbringing.

@shantelmsmith Can you say insecure attachment?! This is me keeping it so vulnerable and real with yall. There was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined. Sometimes i find myself asking like “what do they want from me?” Becasue people are not this verbally affectionatebynless they want something from you. Mercy. It truly is a blessing and I’m growing through it lol it is hard some days to receive love, we have in my household,but we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So im learning to recieve this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time. #familylife #familytime #parenting #affection #comedy #healing #traumahealing #marriage ♬ All The Way Up (feat. Infared) - Fat Joe & Remy Ma & French Montana

"Just overstimulated and mad after a certain amount of loving," one person says.

"OMG I thought I was the only one thank you for making feel like others understand me," another writes.

"I just felt so seen and triggered at the same time," someone reveals.

"It’s crazy because I’m really trying but it feels weird and I love my family but why you hugging me," one mom says.

"First time my dad said “I love you” I was 24 and I called my brothers bc I thought he was sick or something," a commenter laughs.

Marrying into a family is a big step and takes some adjusting for everyone. While it seems like Smith is still learning, she reveals, "we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan Sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So I'm learning to receive this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time."

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Ocean Wise
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Sustainability

Amazing ocean facts you never learned in school

Not even Captain Ahab knew this much about marine life.

Photo by Milos Prelevic on Unsplash
brown fish beside coral under body of water

The ocean covers more than 70 percent of our planet—yet there’s so much about it that we don’t yet know. Experts, in fact, believe we’ve only explored about five percent of the ocean so far—meaning that most of it remains completely unseen and undiscovered.

What we do know, however, is that the ocean is truly wise. Not only does it sustain all human and animal life on the planet, the creatures under the sea continue to give scientists insight that can transform human lives as well (just read about the amazing axolotl below to see what we mean).

A happy ocean makes for happy, healthy human beings (not to mention a healthy planet)—so this summer we’re helping our friends at Ocean Wise spread the word that no action is too small—holding a cleanup on a local shoreline, for instance. Learning about our ocean and all its wonders is another step anyone can take for conservation, so buckle in and prepare for a tidal wave of info that will blow your mind.

1. Playing music—specifically, recordings of healthy reef soundscapes—can help grow coral reef populations.

live coralsPhoto by QUI NGUYEN on Unsplash

Healthy coral reef populations are filled with diverse sounds, thanks to the fish, snapping shrimp, and other marine life that live there. Scientists have found that playing recorded sounds of healthy reefs actually attract coral larvae, since the sounds indicate a healthy, vibrant habitat. Using this knowledge, scientists have taken recorded reef sounds, played them near degraded reefs, and in doing so, have increased the settlement rates of coral larvae, helping the coral reefs regenerate.

2. Dolphins like to party with pufferfish.

Photo by Talia Cohen on Unsplash

How’s this for a good time? Dolphins, particularly younger ones, have been known to seek out pufferfish to play games with them, chewing on them and passing them back and forth between each other like a hacky sack. Not only is this entertainment for the dolphins, scientists theorize that they may intentionally be trying to get the pufferfish to give off a neurotoxin called tetrodotoxin (TTX)–which is a chemical they release when threatened. This chemical is highly toxic in large doses–but in small quantities, experts think that it might induce a mild, pleasurable effect in the dolphins, similar to a narcotic. Party on.

3. Male humpback whales are total crooners.

A male humpback whale breaches the water.

Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

All humpback whales can vocalize, but male humpback whales actually sing.

During mating season, scientists have observed male humpback whales making sounds that are distinctly different from other humpback calls. Unlike other sounds, these songs have a clear structure, and use small, repetitive “phrases” organized in a specific sequence—in the same way humans sing different verses during a song. Even more amazing? Male humpbacks all sing the same song together in “choruses,” in sessions that last from five minutes to several hours.

4. Axolotls have superpowers (and scientists think it could benefit humans one day).

a couple of animals that are in some waterPhoto by T K on Unsplash

Among biologists, axolotls are known for their ability to regrow lost or damaged tissue. When an adult axolotl loses a limb, they can actually grow it back in just a few months time, thanks to a substance they produce called retinoic acid, which plays a large role in regenerating skin cells. (If the name sounds familiar, it’s because retinoic acid is a derivative of Vitamin A, and it’s commonly found in skin creams.) While we already know that retinoic can make our skin look fabulous, scientists are currently studying whether it could someday help human limbs regrow, similar to the axolotl’s.

5. A healthy ocean can help reverse climate change

green algae underwater photographyPhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

The ocean generates half of the oxygen we breathe and absorbs nearly a third of the world’s carbon emissions. Phytoplankton, the microscopic algae that float near the ocean’s surface, are a big part of the reason why. But there’s another unsung hero—kelp. Unlike phytoplankton, kelp are large seaweeds that grow in dense underwater forests along coastlines, absorbing CO2 and supporting ecosystems. Ocean Wise is helping bring back these powerful carbon sinks one kelp forest at a time.

Help us #BeOceanWise by doing one small thing for ocean conservation in your community (because just one thing can start a huge wave of positive change). Visit ocean.orgfor tips and tricks to keep our oceans healthy because no action is too small.

Art

It took 14 years and 380 global embroiders to make one stunningly meaningful dress

A truly multicultural art project with style touches from 51 different countries.

Photos courtesy of The Red Dress project
Embroiderer Lekazia Turner wearing The Red Dress.

Few things bring people together more beautifully than art. Whether it's music, sculpture, paint or fabric, the arts are a way for us to express ourselves, our cultures and our common humanity. But rarely do we witness one singular piece of art truly encapsulating the creativity of our human family.

At first glance, the dress created for the Red Dress project is quite obviously stunning. It looks as though it could be worn by a royal—though a royal from where? The style, colors and patterns of the dress don't shout any particular country or culture; in fact, we can point to different elements of it and say it looks like it belongs on any continent.

There's a reason for that. The dress is made out of 84 pieces of burgundy silk dupion, which spent 14 years being sent around the world to be embroidered by 380 people from 51 countries—a truly global, multicultural creation.

Of those 380 embroiderers, about a third were commissioned artisans who were paid for their work and receive a portion of all ongoing exhibition fees. The rest were volunteers who contributed their stitches at events in various countries. Approximately 97% of the embroiderers were female.

British textile artist Kirstie Macleod conceived the project in 2009 as "an investigation into identity, with a desire to connect with women from the around without borders and boundaries." The basic design started as a sketch on the back of a napkin and has grown into a tangible garment that is not only a gorgeous work of art but a platform for women around the world and from all walks of life to express themselves and have their voices heard.

As shared on the project's website:

"Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

On Instagram, Kirstie Macleod shared a panel of the dress that was embroidered by two women in Kosovo, who shared some of their reflections on their experiences in the war there.

They stitched words into the birds they embroidered:

"Better one winter in your own country than a hundred springs away."

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little."

"Freedom has come. Love yourself first."

"Love all. Trust some. Hate none."

"A winter is a winter. Be nice, everyone."

"We live in peace now."

The creation of the dress began in 2009 and was completed in 2023. Each woman embroidered a piece of her own story into the dress, which contains millions of stitches. From established professional artisans to first-time embroiderers, the women were encouraged to share something that expressed their personal identities as well as their cultures. Some used traditional embroidery styles that had been practiced for hundreds of years where they are from. Others stitched in meaningful elements of their life stories. Some of the women are also using textile work to rebuild their lives and earn a consistent living.

The dress is on tour, being displayed in museums and galleries around the world. The photos showing women of various ages and ethnicities wearing the dress are made all the more moving knowing the history of how and by whom it was made.

In May 2025, a book detailing the dress's creation and journey around the world was published and can be found here.

Absolutely stunning. What a wonderful idea to connect women in a way that lets them share their stories and showcases and beautifully honors them.

This article first appeared three years ago and has been updated.

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Education

Study claims people with these 10 first names are most successful in business. Only 1 is female.

Can we please speak to the manager about this study?

Canva

A boss puts his feet on his desk.

Are you a Travis, a Taylor, or a Michael Scott? How important is a name, anyway? According to a recent study conducted by Resume.io, the answer is — very. They looked at thousands of LinkedIn profiles to find the most common names of people listing themselves in top business positions.

michael scott, boss, popular names, leadershipSteve Carell winks as Michael Scott.Giphy NBC, Peacock

They claim, "For this study, we collected and analyzed 3,046 LinkedIn profiles from the U.S., specifically focusing on individuals in leadership roles. By examining the data in detail, we identified patterns in names commonly associated with executive and presidential positions within companies."

What do high positions mean to them? "Our methodology involved reviewing profiles with titles such as “CEO,” “COO,” “CTO,” “CFO,” “President,” “Vice President,” “Director,” and “Manager.” We also categorized the results by gender to evaluate disparities in leadership representation."

Taking the number one spot on the list? John. In fact, John dominates on many of the "leadership" positions, including CEO, COO, and CTO, technology leadership. (Somewhere John Stamos is doing a happy dance.) But hold on, Michaels are most commonly named as presidents, with Davids, our trusty managers.

John Stamos, popular names, celebrities, successJohn Stamos in Full House creditsGiphy

And the only female name on this particular list is Kimberly, who is commonly listed as a director. In fact, the study notes, "Our research revealed that overall, only one-third (36%) of the profiles analyzed are women. Therefore, a staggering 64% of those in positions of power in America are men. This once again underlines the gender representation imbalance of corporate leadership."

According to Entrepreneur.com, they analyzed the study further and found that overall, the top most successful names in the business sector are: John, Michael, David (as mentioned). Followed by: Robert, Mark, Jennifer, Brian, Steve, Joseph, and Scott.

Again, worth noting that only one female name (Jennifer) makes the overall list. If one were to just list the women in the top spots, Jennifer is followed by: Lisa, Mary, Julie, Karen, Michelle, Kimberly, Emily, Kelly, and Diana.

woman, boss, leadership, popular names, businessFemale boss at the workplace .free-vectors.net

What seems to be clear is the names on these lists are the most common among the age group that would most likely be in a "boss-spot" currently. Right? In fact, let's take a look at the most popular (American) names in the 1970s, according to the SSA government website. Look at that! John, Michael, and David are all in the top 5. (Though so are Christopher and James, so what are THEY doing with their lives?)

For women, same thing. Jennifer, Kimberly, and Michelle are among the most popular.

Obviously, Reddit has some opinions. On the subreddit r/Leadership,Entrepreneur Magazine themselves posted the link to the study and many pointed out that correlation does not imply causation, as the saying goes. One snarks, "Go figure that the most common names for those over 40 match most common leader names. Did you also know that 100% of people who drink water end up dying??? True for breathing air too."

One top commenter added this interesting insight: "Freakonomics did a study on income and names — higher income households tend to follow certain naming trends while lower income households tend to follow different naming trends. The majority of those with major professional success tend to come from higher income households." They add, "Your name doesn't determine where you end up, but it usually is an indicator of where you begin."

Someone named Jeff points out how sad it is for all the Jeffs out there. "My name is Jeff. So I’m disqualified immediately."

Karen, popular names, successful, leadershipA Karen peaks out from behind a tree. Giphy

And this Redditor nails it with: "So when Karen demands to see a manager, she’s asking to see herself most of the time?"

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Pop Culture

The super interesting reason why people in the past looked so much older than people today

It isn't just the hairstyles.

via Nick Denner/Flickr and Canva/Photos

How are these both high schoolers?

Have you ever looked back at your parents’ high school yearbook and thought that all the 11th graders looked like they were in their early 30s? Whether they were in school in the ‘60s and the kids had horn-rimmed glasses or the ‘80s with feathered hair, they looked at least a decade older than today's high school kids. One wonders if in 30 years, kids look at a yearbook from 2025 and see boys with broccoli cuts and girls with nose rings and they think, “What are they, 35?”

The folks at Bright Side did a deep dive into the phenomenon and found a few reasons why people looked so much older in the past than they do now. It’s a mix of how our minds perceive older fashion and why people age more gracefully in modern times.

Why did people look older in the past?

“Specialists have looked into this phenomenon, and it does have some scientific facts to back it up,” the narrator states. “It's not necessarily that our ancestors looked older; it's more that we appear to look younger. And younger as generations go by, that's because over time humans have improved the way they live their lives in the us alone over the last 200 years.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

A big reason people looked a lot older when photography became common in the late 1800s is that it happened at a time when we were making tremendous advances in public health. The 1880s to the 1920s were a time of rapid advancement, when we began to understand infectious diseases and how they spread. “We gained access after safer types of foods, and we understand the importance of clean water. Our individual lifestyle choices can impact the way we look,” the video says.

The way we work has also drastically changed how people look. Working in an office for eight hours a day in air conditioning will keep you a lot younger-looking than working all day as a Victorian chimney sweep. Plus, for people who work outside, sunscreen has made it much easier to protect our skin and decrease wrinkles.

Let’s not forget the importance of a straight, white smile. Advances in dental care also help make people look younger.

1970s girls, high school girls, girls in uniforms, old high school photos, nostalgiaA "girl gang" in 1976. via Earthworm/Flickr

Why do people wearing styles from the past appear older?

Finally, there’s the clothes issue, and, yes, this does have a big impact on how we view the age of people from the past. “Our brains are wired to associate old trends with being old,” the video says. “For example, your grandpa might still have the shirt he wore in that 1970s picture, and it's because of that shirt that you retroactively associate that trend with being old, despite the fact that your granddad does look younger in the picture than he looks today. “

girls in school, '60s high school girls, class room, old-school cool,GIrls in class in the 1960s.via Phillips Academy/Flickr

In the end, the fact that people look a lot younger today than they did in the past is a testament to how the quality of life has drastically improved since cameras were first invented. However, that doesn’t mean that fashion has improved at all. You have to admit that your dad with that fly butterfly collar in his 1977 graduation photo looks better than that multi-colored, Machine Gun Kelly-style hoodie you see guys wearing in high schools today.

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Joy

Bear breaks into a Pittsburg nursing home and tries out the beds, Goldilocks-style

A brave aid that coaxed the bear out with a Rice Krispy Treat.

Photo credit: Canva

Bear breaks into nursing home trying out beds like Goldilocks

Goldilocks is a classic children's story about a little girl who makes herself at home in the house of a family of bears. She tries the food left out on the table before climbing into all three beds to see which felt best. Of course, this was a fairytale with a lesson to be gleaned in the end but it would seem that a black bear in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania thought he'd try to imitate art by breaking into a nursing home.

The bear, while large is still a cub, broke one of the windows at St. Andrew’s Village in Indiana County before snooping around the facility. He found residents' bedrooms and crawled into several different beds presumably to get comfortable or look for food. It wasn't until a staff member heard a loud bang that the bear was discovered. Charlene Elliott, a lead certified nursing assistant is the one that heard the loud noise and rushed to see if someone fell but much to her surprise, it was a bear.

bear; black bear break in; black bear; bear in nursing home; Pittsburgh nursing homeCurious bear peeks around a tree trunk.Photo credit: Canva

"I was sitting there at our nursing station and I heard a big crash, so I thought it was one of the aides that fell and I got up and I seen that it was a bear coming down the hall towards me," Elliott tells WPXI. "Going through my mind was get the thing out of here."

While Elliott was startled by the bear's presence, she didn't panic scaring the bear or the residents. Instead she told the residents and aides to get all the doors in the building shut in an attempt to keep the bear from hiding out in a room. The baby black bear was loose in the facility for about fifteen minutes and though the nursing assistant attempted to get the rooms closed off in time, the bear still found his way into some of the residents' beds. Yes, the residents were still occupying the beds when the bear climbed in for a quick snuggle.

Elliott told the residents not to move or touch the bear for fear that he would maul them out of fear. That's certainly one way to get your heart rate up, wake up with a bear in your bed. Thankfully none of the residents the bear got cozy with were harmed in the bear's Goldilocks-style adventure. Surprisingly, the residents also remained calm with one of them offering for the nursing assistant to feed the bear her sandwich so he would hopefully leave the the facility.

Instead of feeding the bear a sandwich, they decided to use Rice Krispy treats to lure the bear out of the facility with the help of one of the resident's walkers. As the bear snacked on the cereal covered in melted marshmallows, the workers moved him along by pushing him on the rear with the walker until he was completely outside of the facility. The bear ran away but to make sure the cub didn't find it's way back to demand more treats, the facility contacted the game warden which came out and set up a trap outside of the building.

bear; black bear break in; black bear; bear in nursing home; Pittsburgh nursing homeBear family portrait in their natural habitat.Photo credit: Canva

You'd think they'd put things in there like berries, salmon and other things bears like to eat in order to trick him into going inside, but they didn't. The bear clearly enjoyed sweet treats so the game warden filled the bear trap with donuts and other pastries which must've smelled delightful because the bear was trapped quickly. They plan to take the bear far away from St. Andrew’s Village to a place with less processed food but plenty of room for a bear cub to become a bear without interacting with humans.

Thanks to the quick thinking of the workers and residents at St. Andrew’s Village, everyone remained unharmed, including their furry visitor.


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Science

Frugal people share 30 things they stopped buying completely to save money

There's so much we buy and use simply out of habit.

Image via Canva

Frugal people open up about how they save money.

Saving money is never a bad thing. And for those looking for economical solutions for how to cut back on spending, a smart place to start is taking an inventory of your spending habits and what you buy.

In an online forum of frugal people, member TS1664 posed the question to fellow savvy financial members: "What’s something you stopped buying completely and don’t miss at all?"

They continued, "For me it’s paper towels. Switched to rags and microfiber cloths a year ago and haven’t looked back. I used to go through a roll a week without thinking, now I just toss the cloths in with regular laundry. Saves money and space."

And they ended the post with some more insight. "It made me realize how many things I was buying out of habit, not need. What things others have cut out completely that turned out to be no big deal or even better without. Could use some inspiration!"

The callout garnered some excellent real-life advice from frugal people. These are 30 things that thrifty people shared they stopped buying completely that helped save them money.

save money, saving money, money habits, money advice, savingMake It Rain Money GIF by A Little Late With Lilly SinghGiphy

"Dryer sheets." Super-Examination594

"Starbucks - bought an espresso machine, took some time to learn how to dial it in and pull a proper shot. It’s been 4+ Years and don’t miss it one bit." Fox_137

"Makeup! Used to wear it every day and buy tons of it to try new products and such. Now I only wear it for special occasions. It works great — even just a little bit of makeup really pops when you hardly ever wear any." VerschwendeMeineZeit

"Soda. Too expensive now. Pre-pandemic, sometimes Kroger would have a sale (4) 12-packs for $10." NotJimIrsay

"Cigarettes 😊." rickety_picket

bottled water, bottled waters, water, plastic water bottle, water martial arts water GIFGiphy

"Bottled water." WorriedPermission872

"Most fast food but especially McDonald's and bk. When I paid $20 for two adults' meals, it stopped making sense, and I'll cook better burgers and better sides fries at home for less." diegothengineer

"Cable tv subscription." nombreusuario

"Pizza delivery service. Frozen meals are just as unhealthy, but much cheaper." The_Keri2

"We started our pizza making journey by buying dough (under $2) at trader joe's. it really lowered the barrier to entry. once we kind of perfected the bake etc, we started playing with dough recipes until we found one we loved. it sounds painful but it was a good learning experience and fun to do together." suddenlymary

candles, candle, scented candle, buying candles, glass candlechristmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphy

"I stopped buying scented candles. I used to grab them all the time on impulse, but they’re expensive, don’t last that long, and honestly gave me headaches half the time. Now I just open a window or boil some citrus peels with cloves if I want the place to smell nice." HollisWhitten

"Cigarettes and nicotine pouches! Been smoke free since august 2021 and pouch free since July 2024 :)." HueLord3000

"Amazon Prime. We stopped paying for the privilege of shopping and making money for Bozo. Now, we just put stuff in the cart until there is enough for free shipping. I don’t miss Prime, I never found anything on Prime video I wanted to watch once that wasn’t a rental. We live in a rural village, so online is cheaper than driving 25 to 50 miles to a store." cwsjr2323

lottery, lotto, lottery ticket, scratch off, scratch offsAnimation Scratch Off GIFGiphy

"Lottery tickets." evissamnoisis

"Hair color. I’ve embraced the gray!" phishinfordory

"I’ll add sandwich bread. I started making my own. It costs just over $1 for me to make a small loaf that’s just enough for the 2 of us for a week. Plus no additives or preservatives." BeerWench13TheOrig

"Books. I go to the library." Significant-Emu1855

library, library card, library book, books, readingDog Glasses GIF by County of Los AngelesGiphy

"Broth. Have an ongoing 'broth bag' going in the freezer. Once I run out of frozen broth cubes, I make another round." Colorfulplaid123

"New clothes from shops! I'm now a charity shop and Vinted gal, my clothes are so much better quality and I spend less." CorinaPhoto

"Bidet toilet seat is cheap, easy to install, much easier and faster to use, and most importantly will keep you far cleaner while not wasting any toilet paper." hopopo

"Menstrual products. Bought a menstrual cup back in 2016 and have not looked back." simply-misc

"Chip clips. I buy cheap old wooden clothespins! Works great and if they break, no biggie. It’s $2 for 24. I also use clear shower caps for dishes I have no lids for or it’s something that can’t have a lid, like deviled eggs. I use the shower caps. Much cheaper than those bowl covers they sell 8-12 in a pack for $1.25. Those bowl covers are kind of pricey and you get 1 large and 2 mediums and a bunch of tiny ones!!" Florida1974

alcohol, quit alcohol, drinks, pour out, drinkingPour One Out Malt Liquor GIFGiphy

"Alcohol." Fit_Artichoke_523

"Baked beans in the can, I literally keep everything on hand to make it so it was an excess purchase. Instant rice packs, I make regular rice, 20 minutes is not that long 😆 We keep getting gifted napkins but we don’t purchase them." Miss_Pouncealot

"Soap in a pump bottle. Switched to bars (Costco). So much value, less trash and plastic, and a better experience. Why did we invent pump bottle soap??" thebiglebowskiisfine



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