Woman with 'insecure attachment' shows the reality of marrying into an affectionate family
"I want to say I love you back but my brain glitches."

Reality of marrying into affectionate family when insecurely attached
Attachment style is something that seems to have gained a lot of popularity on social media, which can translate to real life interactions like dating. Everyone wants to have the "gold star" attachment style–secure attachment. Not everyone can have a secure attachment style, but that doesn't mean they'll never have one since this is not a fixed trait.
Shantel Smith, has a self proclaimed insecure attachment style, which can cause people to be a bit more guarded in their approach to interpersonal relationships. The social media creator recently made a video about what it's like to have an insecure attachment style while integrating into a family that is very affectionate.
Smith recently got married and became a stepmother to three children. From the looks of the video, she is adored by her stepchildren and their father, but all of the affection seems to be a bit overwhelming for the new mom.
In the video, Smith gets an unexpected hug from one of her step-kids and appears to be confused and uncomfortable. The next frame highlights "goodbye rituals" where we hear one of the children telling her bye before leaving but continuing to say "I love you" louder and louder until the new stepmom says it back.
Smith writes in the caption of her video, "there was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined."
The video struck a chord with several people in the comments who expressed their own discomfort with being affectionate due to their attachment style or upbringing.
@shantelmsmith Can you say insecure attachment?! This is me keeping it so vulnerable and real with yall. There was love in my household as a child for sure but affection wasn’t shown the way it is now with my family that I’ve joined. Sometimes i find myself asking like “what do they want from me?” Becasue people are not this verbally affectionatebynless they want something from you. Mercy. It truly is a blessing and I’m growing through it lol it is hard some days to receive love, we have in my household,but we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So im learning to recieve this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time. #familylife #familytime #parenting #affection #comedy #healing #traumahealing #marriage ♬ All The Way Up (feat. Infared) - Fat Joe & Remy Ma & French Montana
"Just overstimulated and mad after a certain amount of loving," one person says.
"OMG I thought I was the only one thank you for making feel like others understand me," another writes.
"I just felt so seen and triggered at the same time," someone reveals.
"It’s crazy because I’m really trying but it feels weird and I love my family but why you hugging me," one mom says.
"First time my dad said “I love you” I was 24 and I called my brothers bc I thought he was sick or something," a commenter laughs.
Marrying into a family is a big step and takes some adjusting for everyone. While it seems like Smith is still learning, she reveals, "we have in our household what we call “i love you Shan Sundays” thats the day when they can say it as many times as they like without me being weird about it. So I'm learning to receive this abundant gift of love and joy and they are learning that its gonna take me some time."
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."