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Husband asks if he's wrong for trusting his mom's parenting advice over his wife's opinion

People didn't hold back with their responses.

fatherhood, dads, marriage, parenting, parenting advice

A husband admitted he tended to "trust" his mom's parenting advice more than his wife's.

A dad who goes by @sergey.be.be on TikTok reached out to viewers in hopes of better navigating a perpetual argument with his wife.

In the clip, he shared that his wife is “frequently offended” that he seeks advice from his mother on how to raise their daughter. But since his mom has had “experience raising three children” compared to his wife’s first time at motherhood, he “tends to trust” mom’s advice more.

Unsurprisingly, this has led to frequent quarrels, and has persisted after the baby was born.


The dad went on to explain that, unlike his mother, his wife “insists she knows everything, suggesting we can always look things up on Google if needed.”

He then offered this example: “when I inquired about swaddling for our newborn, my mother recommended swaddling with straightened legs because if you don't swaddle your baby, his legs will be crooked, while my wife disagreed, saying it was a thing of the past."

@sergey.be.be My wife is frequently offended when I seek advice from my mother regarding raising our daughter. Our differing opinions have led to frequent quarrels. How can I navigate this situation? #newborn #momanddaughter #baby #babylove ♬ Surrender - Natalie Taylor

Well, not taking sides here, but a quick Google search does in fact list several resources which state that straight-leg swaddling is, in fact, not recommended, and considered potentially harmful. So it’s understandable that this man’s wife might be frustrated that her husband actively chooses his mother’s objectively inaccurate opinion over her own research.

Viewers unanimously agreed with this sentiment, though the responses ranged somewhere between gentle and brutally blunt.

“I guess he is TRYING to get divorced,” one person wrote.

Another quipped, “You should marry your mom 💕 hope this helps!”

Others tried to help illuminate the wife’s point of view, and point out why this husband’s action might be so upsetting.

“Your wife probably did HOURs, DAYS MONTHS of researching the current safe ways of doing things,” one person argued. “If you aren't’ going to trust her, at least ask to read what she’s reading so you can get insight. Then, if after reading you still have doubts, talk to your wife. Do not bring up your mom’s opinion.”

Another reasoned, “that’s like her asking her dad how you should be a father.”

Professionals also weighed in. A NICU nurse wrote, “things have changed in the last 3 years alone. Your mother doesn’t know. This is the woman you chose, learn and grow with her.”

And finally, I think this warning from a couples therapist really sums it all up: “prioritize your new family over your old family.”

If this man was indeed seeking advice (and not justification for his actions) then he certainly got what he asked for. Either way, the conversation can hopefully help put things into perspective for others.

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids.

The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones.

The bad news? One phrase:

"When are you bringing them over?"

Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

Ceramic bowlsThe breakable decor found in every grandparents' houseozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night.

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

man in gray sweater sitting beside woman in black and white floral long sleeve shirt Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids.

We all have the same goal.

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

Nicolas Cage freaking out.

Nicolas Cage is one of the most iconic American actors because he has a style all his own. The star of “Face/Off,” “National Treasure” and last year's sleeper hit, “Longlegs,” is known for having an intense screen presence where he always seems to be on the brink of losing it. And quite often, he does.

Cage has no problem admitting his tendency to take things to the extreme on screen.

“You can go as big as you want as long as it’s honest, as long as you’re still putting the emotional content behind it,” Cage told “In the Envelope: The Actor’s Podcast.” “When people say, ‘Well, that’s over the top,’ I say, ‘Well, you tell me what the top is, and I’ll let you know whether or not I’m over it.’ I’m working on something, and I’m trying to find something which I think is exciting."

A YouTuber named MonkeyGrip100 cut together over 40 scenes where Cage absolutely loses it and the video is strangely cathartic. There’s something about watching Cage howl, scream, kick, wave his arms and yell at the sky that can make any hard day feel a bit easier.


The video is like a session of second-hand primal scream therapy.

WARNING: Video contains foul language and violence.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

“Well, you gotta admit he definitely goes 110% in all of his roles and no one can ever take that away from him,” one commenter on the YouTube video wrote. “Despite all my rage, I'm still just Nicholas Cage,” another added, paraphrasing “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” by The Smashing Pumpkins.

If you watched the 4-plus minute video of Cage venting, screaming, moaning and going through horrifying personal pain and came out of it feeling better for it, don’t worry; you’re not a sadist. In fact, according to psychologists, it’s completely healthy.

According to Lysn psychologist Nancy Sokarno, watching sad or depressing movies when we feel bad makes us feel better.

“To simplify that a little, consuming depressing content can actually make you feel good [because] of [increased] endorphins. Who would have thought! So, when we’re wanting to consume [traumatic] content when we’re in a low mood, our brains are essentially chasing those feel good endorphins,” Sokarno told Refinery29.

According to Sokarno, we get the same feeling when we listen to depressing music. “When we listen to sad music, it tricks the brain into releasing a hormone called prolactin, which is associated with helping to curb grief,” Sokarno continues. "So, in the absence of a traumatic event, the body is left with this pleasurable mix of opiates which produces feelings of calmness [and] helps to counteract mental pain.”

Cage has been criticized throughout his career for being a little over the top with his acting, but the joke isn’t lost on him. He knows what he’s doing. The great thing for all of us is that Cage has suffered both on screen and off to give us a feeling of catharsis. That’s probably why, even though he’s had some significant ups and downs in his career, we just can’t get enough of him. We need him to feel better about ourselves. Thanks, Nic.

Popular

A seemingly simple Final Jeopardy question stumped all three contestants in 1984

It was only Alex Trebek's second day on the job when all three contestants gave the same wrong answer and all ended up with $0 .

Representative photo by Rosemaryetoufee

"Jeopardy!" is one of the most popular trivia shows in the world.

The popular game show "Jeopardy!" originated in 1964, and for six decades it has stumped contestants and viewers with tough trivia questions and answers (or answers and questions, to be more accurate). Competing on "Jeopardy!" is practically synonymous with being a smartypants, and champions win lifelong bragging rights along with whatever monetary winnings they end up taking home.

To win "Jeopardy!," you place a wager in the Final Jeopardy round with whatever money you've collected through the first two rounds. All three contestants write down their wagers based solely on the category given, then they have 30 seconds to write down the question for the same answer after it's revealed. Very rarely do all three contestants get the Final Jeopardy wrong.

But in 1984, on Alex Trebek's second day hosting the show, a deceptively simple Final Jeopardy answer answer resulted in all three contestants making the same wrong guess and ending the round with $0 each.


The category was "The Calendar," and after the contestants placed their bets, the answer was revealed: "Calendar date with which the 20th century began."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The 20th century was the 1900s, as most of us are aware, and all three contestants wrote down identical responses: "What is January 1, 1900?" But they were all incorrect. And unfortunately, all three had wagered their entire amount, leaving them with nothing across the board.

"Oh, I don't believe it!" exclaimed one of the contestants as they all laughed at the absurdity. "I'm at a loss for words," said Trebek.

A member of the audience asked what the correct answer–or question— was, and Trebek shared that the correct response would have been "What is January 1, 1901?"

If that seems confusing, it's probably because we all made a huge deal about the year 2000, marking it as the end of the 21st century as well as the turn of the millennium. But basically, we were wrong. Some people did point it out at the time, but the excitement and momentum of celebrating Y2K had us all in a frenzy and no one was going to wait until January 1, 2001 to celebrate the new millennium.

Why should we have? It all comes down to the fact that in the Gregorian calendar the first year wasn't 0 A.D., it was 1 A.D. The first century spanned from 1 to 100 A.D., the second century from 101 to 200 A.D. and so on, leading up to the 20th century officially being from 1901 to 2000. So January 1, 1901 is actually the date that the 20th century began, despite how unituitive it feels.

To be fair, you'd think a "Jeopardy!" contestant might recognize that the question seemed awfully simple for a Final Jeopardy round, but only having 30 seconds to think under pressure is tough. And it's not like these people lived in the internet era where random trivia questions like this regularly go viral, making us more aware of them. And this episode aired over a decade before the "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry explains the "no year zero" thing to Newman, who had planned a millennium party.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

As one person pointed out, the calendar answer is technically correct, but it's not the way the average person thinks of centuries, just as a tomato is technically fruit but the average person thinks of it (and uses it) as a vegetable. Even though there were some sticklers about the year 2000, most of us just went along with seeing it as the turn of the millennium because it felt like that's how it should be. It's kind of wild how most of us can think of something incorrectly but we just sort of collectively accept our wrongness about it.

The 1984 episode has been making the viral rounds, prompting people to share how much they miss Alex Trebek. The beloved, long-time "Jeopardy!" host died in 2020 at age 80 after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. He worked up until the point where he couldn't anymore, even while undergoing chemotherapy. His final episode included a touching tribute honoring his 37 seasons with the game show, the end of an illustrious and iconic era.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Representative photo credit: Canva

Teachers shouldn't have to work two jobs.

It's been said a million times but bears repeating until it comes true: Teachers deserve to be paid well. Not just enough to get by or even a decent salary, but a lot. Surgeon-level salaries. Engineer-level salaries. Unless you've experienced first-hand what it takes to manage 25 or 30 of immature human beings and engage them in productive learning all day, you probably have no idea. Teaching is one of the hardest jobs there is and arguably one of the most important for the future of humanity.

And yet, many teachers end up working second jobs because their teacher salary doesn't pay enough. Countless educators wait tables or deliver pizzas or take on other part-time work on evenings and weekends to fill in the gaps.

So when Twitch streamers Emily and Emiru found out their friendly server at International House of Pancakes was a teacher, they decided to do something extra special and give her a large tip.


The server, Brenda, was all dressed up for Halloween and she explained that her school had had a party for the students that day. The streamers told her she looked great, but privately expressed concern about her working a second job after teaching all day.

"That makes me sad, she's a teacher and she has to work at night at IHOP," Emiru said. "Let's give her a really big tip."

@extraemily

Emiru and ExtraEmily left her a $2000 tip #extraemily #extraemilyclips #otk #otkteam #emiru #emiruclips #waitress #thousanddollars

They were live streaming at the time and people in the chat started adding money to their tip, which quickly added up to $2,000. The girls helped Brenda get set up on Venmo, then sent the tip electronically with a note that said, "THANK YOU FOR BEING THE BEST HALLOWEEN SPIRIT EVER [HEART EMOJI] W BRENDA."

When Brenda saw the tip amount, her jaw dropped in disbelief. She called it "a blessing" and hugged the girls, saying, "My students will thank you so much!" After Emily and Emiru told her she deserved it, she added, "I'll be able to do a lot for my kids. They're so precious. I'm grandma to so many kids." She said she was thinking of her favorite student and what she was going to be able to do for them for Christmas.

That reaction right there is why teachers deserve to be paid a salary they can thrive on. The first thing she thought of was her students and how they will benefit from this money, not her.

People have reacted with well-deserved praise for Brenda's selflessness, gratitude to Emily and Emiru for arranging the generous tip, and dismay at how dystopian it is for teachers to have to work two jobs while people donate to them through online streamers. Celebrating the human kindness on display while also lamenting the reality of what we're looking at has become such a common occurrence when it comes to helping teachers out. We have teachers pouring their own limited money into their classrooms. We have events where teachers "win" money for their schools. We have crowdfunding campaigns for school supplies—all in one of the richest countries on Earth.

We can rail about that all day long, but unless we elect legislators who value public education and value what teachers do, things aren't going to change on the compensation front as much as they should. That's a long game, though, so in the meantime, these kinds of gestures can make a real difference in the life of an individual teacher. Kudos to Emily and Emiru for making this humble teacher's day.

People were challenged to share the last time they 'achieved' something outside of work

If it's been a while, here are some examples to inspire you and give your mental health a big boost.

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

There's a fascinating idea in psychology called "enmeshment." Essentially, it's when two people or things mesh together, the boundaries between them becoming blurred.

This can happen in families, romantic relationships, and even your career! People who work long hours or have demanding careers can be at risk of losing sight of their independent sense of self. They can almost literally forget that they have an identity outside of work. It can happen in school, too, for people who are overly driven by academic achievement.

It should go without saying, but this is generally a bad thing. Enmeshment in career or academics can lead to anxiety, depression, and have adverse effects on your relationships.


Plus, it's just no fun. All work and no play...

A recent thread on AskReddit challenged this phenomenon with the question: What is your biggest non-academic, non work-related accomplishment?

If you're like me, you probably had to stop and think for a minute before coming up with something. Which should maybe be a warning sign that we could all use a little more balance.

Some of the non-work accomplishments people shared were staggering.

A few superhumans among us found time to run marathons and otherwise push the limits of what humans can achieve.

All while holding down schoolwork and jobs!

man on top of the mountain during daytime Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

I'm not sure it counts as an accomplishment, but I bicycled across the US from Bar Harbor, Maine to Seattle, Washington - cochese25

My eldest child was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 18 months old. My ex husband and I were told he would never talk, never walk and never toilet himself it was so severe. 16 years later after utilising all therapy and taking years off work focusing on him. He is off to university next year on a full scholarship studying bio-medical science and physics. I am so proud of the work we did together to get him here. - notjustanotherdino

Hiking all 2,356 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail - jebrennan

I transitioned from female to male. 3 years later I’m still so happy that I did that for myself. - eclecticevergreen

My band supported Everclear and we played a great show to a full house in Australia - just_yall

But, if you ask me, the tiny goals people shared were even more inspiring.

Almost everywhere you look, there's an opportunity to do something just for you.

person holding jigsaw puzzle piece Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

Learning how to swim as an adult. It took me about 6 months to learn and I'm now able to swim confidently in the pool. - moon_jewel90

Over 300 days in a row of at least 10 minutes of meditation. - fast-artichoke-7512

That my wife and I have been married for over 30 years and she hasn't killed me yet. - dreadpirategriswold

Some of the achievements were really, really small.

I have 3 subscribers on youtube :) - armadillo_active

Completed a 5000 piece puzzle. - ritaredditonce

But, hey, they still count!

How to come up with goals to pursue outside of work and school

As we can see, it could be anything, big or small. Any achievement at all that you can make time for is worth being proud of — and is a great investment in your mental wellness.

But "anything" is an overwhelming concept. So here's somewhere to start.

Jeffrey Davis, a workplace culture expert, suggests a framework called LOW goals — Life Outside of Work.

He writes that the best goals are "down-to-earth, grounded, and achievable" and advises to start with ideas that are based on:

  • Connection
  • Openness & Creativity
  • or Curiosity
You could also try pushing yourself physically (getting to the gym) or mentally (solo-ing the New York Times crossword puzzle).

And remember, there's no Win too small to count!

Whatever you do, it's important to think about what brings you happiness and what your values are, and then come up with a way to better live those values. That's how a strong sense of self is created.

While the average American technically works fewer hours than we did several decades ago, we're rarely fully unplugged. Finding time to pursue our goals and hobbies without distraction is harder to come by than ever, which also means it's never been more important.