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Heads together: Breaking the stigma around hair loss across genders

Uncovering the truth: tackling hair loss stigma and solutions for all genders

Heads together: Breaking the stigma around hair loss across genders

While the majority of hair loss products out there cater to male pattern baldness, many people—both assigned female at birth (AFAB) and assigned male at birth (AMAB)—experience hair loss for various reasons. By the age of 50, about 40% of women and persons AFAB will experience female pattern hair loss.

In the past, there weren't many options for the millions of women losing hair. Now, the lid has been lifted on female pattern hair loss, which is a good thing for everyone AFAB. But it makes you wonder—is hair loss gendered? What about treatment options for hair loss?

We'll explore how hair loss impacts people's lives across the gender spectrum, including how and why it happens and what kind of solutions are available today.

Types of hair loss

Hair loss doesn't fit into one category. There are many causes and types of hair loss. Some are caused by autoimmune disorders like alopecia areata or scalp psoriasis, while others result from hormonal changes, medications, or radiation therapy.

Let’s take a look at some of the most common types of hair loss.

Temporary hair loss

The medical term for temporary or sudden hair loss is telogen effluvium. It's caused by stress, hormonal changes, cancer treatment, nutritional deficiency, and some medications.

Telogen effluvium can be disheartening, but when the environmental or internal factors normalize (e.g., hormones stabilize or nutritional deficiencies are resolved), the hair will usually come back.

This type of hair loss is most common in persons AFAB between the ages of 30 and 60.

Permanent hair loss

Permanent hair loss is called alopecia. Unlike telogen effluvium, this type of hair loss occurs when the hair follicles are completely destroyed.

One possible reason for permanently losing hair is cicatricial alopecia, also known as scarring alopecia. In this condition, inflammation destroys hair follicles.

Another possible cause of this type of hair loss is frontal fibrosing alopecia, a type of cicatricial alopecia characterized by hair thinning and hair loss along the sides and front of the scalp. While some treatments can slow this hair loss, frontal fibrosing alopecia is irreversible.

Male pattern hair loss

Androgenetic alopecia—also known as androgenic alopecia—is the collective medical term for both male and female pattern hair loss. Male pattern baldness is hereditary and the most common form of hair loss for individuals AMAB. As such, people with a family history of this type of hair loss are more likely to experience it at some point.

Male-pattern hair loss (also referred to as male-pattern baldness) often starts between 25 and 35 years of age. It typically begins with a receding hairline that forms the shape of the letter “M.” After thinning, the hair falls out at the crown of the head, sometimes resulting in complete baldness across the entire scalp, which is known as alopecia totalis.

Female pattern hair loss

Androgenetic alopecia looks a little different for persons AFAB, affecting fewer people and often causing noticeable hair loss post-menopause.

This type of hair loss typically follows a distinct pattern (known as female pattern baldness) in which the middle part of the scalp widens due to thinning hair on the top. Unlike cases of male pattern baldness, women aren't likely to have a receding hairline.

While scientists have pinpointed a genetic predisposition regarding androgens to cause male pattern hair loss, the exact hereditary cause of female pattern hair loss is still being investigated.

What causes hair loss?

There are a variety of circumstances that cause hair loss, some of which are distinct to people AFAB and AMAB, particularly involving hormonal changes. Here are the major causes of hair loss across genders:

Genetics

Genetics plays a large role in whether someone will experience significant hair loss. Heredity is the main factor in both male and female pattern baldness, though the mechanisms behind the latter are less understood. Individuals with a family history of hair loss (alopecia) have an increased risk of losing their hair.

Statistically, genetics are more likely to cause hair loss in men than women, as many more males suffer from androgenic alopecia.

Stress

A stressful event like a death or major illness can cause temporary hair loss in people AFAB and AMAB. This type of hair loss occurs either because the body's stress response 'pushes' hair follicles into a resting phase or because the immune system attacks hair follicles, as is the case with alopecia areata.

Hormonal imbalance

Androgens are a specific type of hormone found to cause hereditary hair loss. Conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome can cause overproduction of androgens, resulting in hair follicle changes and hair loss.

Persons AFAB are more likely to suffer short-term hair loss from a hormonal imbalance, usually brought on by pregnancy, childbirth, menopause, or thyroid conditions. Hormonal birth control pills can alter the balance of hormones in the body, causing some individuals AFAB to lose hair.

Medications and medical treatments

Medication and radiation treatment can cause temporary hair loss. Usually, hair will come back on its own or with effective treatment once the person stops taking the medication or ceases radiation treatment or chemotherapy.

Certain hairstyles and hair treatments

Wearing hair tightly pulled back can cause a type of permanent hair loss known as traction alopecia. Traction alopecia occurs as a result of continuous pulling, which damages and destroys hair follicles over time.

Hair treatments—like perms and highlights—that involve strong chemicals can cause short-term patchy hair loss.

Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania is a mental health disorder characterized by an uncontrollable urge to pull hair out from one’s head and/or body. It is treatable, but it can cause permanent hair loss. As with traction alopecia, excessive pulling can damage hair follicles, resulting in patchy hair loss.

Medical conditions

Medical conditions ranging from a fungal infection to autoimmune disease can contribute to hair loss. For example, alopecia areata occurs when the immune system attacks follicles; this hair follicle damage results in patchy hair loss.

How to treat hair loss

Hair loss treatments differ depending on the sex assigned at birth and other causal factors. Here are some tips for slowing alopecia and regrowing lost hair.

Take it easy on your hair

You can’t change your genetics, but you can change your habits. Foregoing strong chemicals and tight hairstyles can keep your hair follicles happy.

Treat the underlying cause

When hair loss results from underlying conditions—like hormonal imbalance, trichotillomania, alopecia areata, or hair and scalp disorders—treatment from a medical professional may help improve hair growth and prevent further hair loss.

Medication

In some cases, OTC or prescription medical treatment can help with thinning hair and hair loss. Look for key ingredients associated with treating hair loss (e.g., zinc, biotin, and collagen).

Hair regrowth procedures

There are surgical procedures that can help support hair growth (e.g., hair transplant and laser therapy). While effective, these interventions can be pricey and are generally not covered by insurance.

Can you regrow the hair you’ve lost?

If the hair follicles have been permanently destroyed—as with scarring alopecia resulting from trichotillomania or traction alopecia—new hair growth isn’t possible.

If you’re dealing with a non-permanent type of hair loss, treatment may help reverse hair loss and promote hair regrowth, according to the American Academy of Dermatology.

Hair loss across the gender spectrum

Hair loss can negatively impact self-esteem, regardless of gender. As we’ve discussed, persons AFAB often have a different experience than persons AMAB when it comes to hair loss (alopecia).

Persons AFAB are less likely to experience hereditary hair loss but more likely to experience alopecia areata (patchy hair loss), temporary hair loss, and thinning hair due to hormonal imbalance. Additionally, central centrifugal cicatricial alopecia is mostly seen in African American persons AFAB.

Persons AMAB are more likely to have a receding hairline, and they have a slight advantage in the fight against hair loss since the mechanisms behind their genetics are well-researched and better understood.

Conclusion

While scientists work to bridge this gap and continue investigating the mechanisms of hair loss (alopecia)—particularly as they pertain to female pattern baldness—there are ways to help prevent hair thinning, hair shedding, and future hair loss if your follicles are intact.

Hair growth slows for all of us as we get older, but we can take steps to potentially stimulate the hair growth cycle and slow hair loss. Avoid hair products and dyes that contain harsh chemicals; they can damage the hair roots. Don’t wear tight hairstyles; they can pull on the hair and damage the follicles.

If you’re experiencing extensive hair loss or overall hair thinning due to scalp psoriasis, alopecia areata, or another medical condition, discuss treatment options with your dermatologist. From hair transplantation and topical creams to collagen supplementation and medications, there are more ways than ever to support hair health, regardless of your gender.

generation jones, gen jones, gen jonesers, girls in 1970s, 1970s, teens 1970s
Image via Wikimedia Commons

Generation Jones is the microgeneration of people born from 1954 to 1965.

Generational labels have become cultural identifiers. These include Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha. And each of these generations is defined by its unique characteristics, personalities and experiences that set them apart from other generations.

But in-between these generational categories are "microgenerations", who straddle the generation before and after them. For example, "Xennial" is the microgeneration name for those who fall on the cusp of Gen X and Millennials.


And there is also a microgeneration between Baby Boomers and Gen X called Generation Jones, which is made up of people born from 1954 to 1965. But what exactly differentiates Gen Jones from the Boomers and Gen Xers that flank it?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

What is Generation Jones?

"Generation Jones" was coined by writer, television producer and social commentator Jonathan Pontell to describe the decade of Americans who grew up in the '60s and '70s. As Pontell wrote of Gen Jonesers in Politico:

"We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged. Jonesers have a unique identity separate from Boomers and GenXers. An avalanche of attitudinal and behavioural data corroborates this distinction."

Pontell describes Jonesers as "practical idealists" who were "forged in the fires of social upheaval while too young to play a part." They are the younger siblings of the boomer civil rights and anti-war activists who grew up witnessing and being moved by the passion of those movements but were met with a fatigued culture by the time they themselves came of age. Sometimes, they're described as the cool older siblings of Gen X. Unlike their older boomer counterparts, most Jonesers were not raised by WWII veteran fathers and were too young to be drafted into Vietnam, leaving them in between on military experience.

How did Generation Jones get its name?

generation jones, gen jones, gen jones teen, generation jones teenager, what is generation jones A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons

Gen Jones gets its name from the competitive "keeping up with the Joneses" spirit that spawned during their populous birth years, but also from the term "jonesin'," meaning an intense craving, that they coined—a drug reference but also a reflection of the yearning to make a difference that their "unrequited idealism" left them with. According to Pontell, their competitiveness and identity as a "generation aching to act" may make Jonesers particularly effective leaders:

"What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead."

@grownupdish

Are you Generation Jones? Definitive Guide to Generation Jones https://grownupdish.com/the-definitive-guide-to-generation-jones/ #greenscreen #generationjones #babyboomer #generationx #GenX #over50 #over60 #1970s #midlife #middleage #midlifewomen #grownupdish #over50tiktok #over60women #over60tiktok #over60club

However, generations aren't just calculated by birth year but by a person's cultural reality. Some on the cusp may find themselves identifying more with one generation than the other, such as being culturally more Gen X than boomer. And, of course, not everyone fits into whatever generality they happened to be born into, so stereotyping someone based on their birth year isn't a wise practice. Knowing about these microgenerational differences, however, can help us understand certain sociological realities better as well as help people feel like they have a "home" in the generational discourse.

As many Gen Jonesers have commented, it's nice to "find your people" when you haven't felt like you've fit into the generation you fall into by age. Perhaps in our fast-paced, ever-shifting, interconnected world where culture shifts so swiftly, we need to break generations into 10 year increments instead of 20 to 30 to give everyone a generation that better suits their sensibilities.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

costco, costco cake, costco cakes, costco cake order, costco custom cake app
Canva/Wikimedia

Costco announces new app for custom cake orders.

Loyal Costco fans are lauding their favorite big-box store for a long-awaited change to its custom cake ordering system. In a company memo, Costco announced that it will be launching an app for customers to order customized cakes at the touch of their fingers without having to enter a Costco store.

"We've got ordering cakes and deli trays online coming," said Costco CEO Ron Vachris. "Many of the things that we've heard from our members that could be a little bit clunky are now moving to a digital state, and we're seeing great adoption right out of the chute."


It's a massive change from the previous custom cake process. Costco lovers have long complained about the old-school ordering system that required customers to physically go to the store's bakery, where they would fill out a slip of paper with their order requests and simply drop it in the order box.

@eatsbyrachel

Anyone else feel like the @Costco Wholesale custom cake ordering system is a bit antiquated? 🤔 Regardless, their analog process somehow always works 💯 #costco #costcobakery #cake #customcake #costcodoesitagain #costcocake #costcofinds #costcodeals #costcofind #costcofinds #eatsbyrachel

Costco's "1800s" custom cake ordering

Back in 2023, writer Lucy Huber humorously poked fun at Costco's seemingly outdated custom cake ordering system that resonated with fellow Costco shoppers. And her words went viral:

"Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like 'if you put it in the box, it will be there'," she wrote.



It was a system that also caused Costco members on Reddit a lot of anxiety.

"We did our wedding cakes from Costco, talk about a nerve-racking experience hoping everything worked out," one wrote.

Another shared, "Drop a paper in a hole and cross your fingers 🤣🤣."

Costco customers have mixed feelings

Many Costco customers and Redditors expressed their positive reactions to the updated ordering system news:

"As someone who lives 1.5 hours away from three different Costcos I LOVE this. I'm rarely in the market for a custom cake, but when I am I'm not driving an hour and a half to fill out the request form in store."

"This is GREAT! But will I also be able to order chocolate cake with white icing and vice-versa? Because currently I can’t do that at my Costco."

"While the box system worked, it was archaic. With anything, the new system will take time to implement."

"Jumping from the 19th century to the 21st century. Bravo Costco!"

Others weren't as happy:

"Kind of sad in a way. There are not too many interactions like this in the digital age."

"But the Paper & Pencil worked."

"Coming in 2027: I didn't get my cake at Costco because Amazon-East-1 is down :(."

"I have ordered many cakes with this low tech. Never an issue."

Costco bakery workers react

Workers in Costco bakeries also chimed in, many with negative opinions:

"As someone who works in the bakery this is going to be a disaster. Half the people don’t even know the name on the order or what the cake says when they come to pick up. Like 2 times a week we get someone trying to pick up at the wrong Costco."

"As a bakery employee, this is going to be a nightmare. The whole point of keeping the order form in warehouse only was to not overwhelm our staff AND (this one being the real reason I was given), is it makes people come in and 'grab a few items while their there, and then again when they come pick up the cake.' I am not looking forward to this. People are going to order at the wrong Costco, not do it right and then get mad at us. I'm terrified of this change 🫣."

"As someone who has worked in the bakery at Costco, the prevailing thought has been 'the system we have works fairly well, so they’re probably not gonna change it.' It’s the same reason that the major sales department still uses paper slips for computers. Well, except for the apple tables. Those have a little iPad kiosk that will print out your slip for you, but literally none of the members ever use it and instead ask us to do it for them."

Culture

26 words that have gone nearly 'extinct' in the English language

"Comely (meaning beautiful) and homely (meaning ugly)."

words, english words, old words, old fashioned words, disappearing words, extinct words

Black and white 1920s woman on the phone.

Our vernacular is always changing. Every generation has its own slang words, from Xennials to Millennials and Gen Z.

In 2025, Dictionary.com deemed '67' as the word of the year, the Oxford University Press claimed the word of the year was "rage bait," and Merriam-Webster claimed it was "slop."


In an interview with the BBC, host Kate Colin offered an example of words that have disappeared in English when she opened a segment for the broadcasting network with this greeting: "Good morrow! I beseech thee, whence comest thou?" (Translation: "Good morning. Where do you come from?")

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Colin noted that this phrase was "Old English" used hundreds of years ago, and a great example of "disappearing words." Colin's co-host Jackie Dalton added, "Yes, English is a language which is evolving all the time. So this mean there are new words continuously appearing, and older words are disappearing."

In English, words are here today and will likely be gone tomorrow. Language lovers on Reddit shared their favorite old-fashioned words that have gone nearly "extinct" in English today (and many they wish would make a comeback).

26 disappearing words

"Overmorrow. It means 'the day after tomorrow'." - TheGloveMan

"I remember the word 'grody' from the 90s. It meant gross or yucky." - Glittering_Age_5591

"Comely (meaning beautiful) and homely (meaning ugly)." - oddwithoutend, Suspicious_Art9118

"Rolodex. There was something great about those. My own was a desk model with a lockable closing cover. Something about the tangibleness, the physicality and the control. Having the different kinds of cards and card covers, hearing them click when you spun it. I was sad to let it go." - Matsunosuperfan, BASerx8

"Bitchin' (meaning excellent)." - fox3actual

"Yellow pages." - Matsunosuperfan

"Forsooth." - fingermagnets459

Merriam-Webster notes that the definition of forsooth is "in truth : indeed —often used to imply contempt or doubt; now usually used to evoke archaic speech." It comes from Middle English and dates back to the 12th century.

"Lunting: walking while smoking a pipe." - RainbowWarrior73

@pbsdigitalstudios

Wouldn’t it be a dilly idea to bring back these 1900s slang words!? Which one fractured you the most 😅 Let us know in the comments and catch up on episodes of Otherwords with @Dr. Erica Brozovsky on the Stoired YouTube channel! #slang #english #language #linguistics #history #vintage @PBS

"Only a 'square' would remember things like that." - EighthGreen

"'Cattywampus' also sometimes known as 'catawampus'. A cool word that you don't hear much anymore." - Dead_Is_Better

"I use finagle and my high school students think I'm so weird. I'm 47. This word is normal." - MLAheading

"Frippery, at least in American English (think it's used in France for thrift shops?)" - KobayashiWaifu

Merriam-Webster notes that the definition of frippery is "finery, also an elegant or showy garment; something showy, frivolous, or nonessential." Its origins are Old French and date back as far as 1568.

"Handsome (when describing a woman)." - Odd-Scheme6535, Popular-Solution7697

"I love the word 'scrimshaw.' I don't hear it enough." - nocatleftbehind420

"Maybe not extinct but it's meaning completely obliterated: nonplussed." - LeFreeke

"Oblige. Rarely hear it except in old westerns." - ReadySetGO0

"Druthers." - Embarrassed_Wrap8421

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Bogart. Monopolizing something that's meant to be shared." - CoderJoe1

"Bumbershoot." - kelariy

Merriam-Webster notes that "bumbershoot" is an American nickname for an umbrella that was first used in 1856.

"Ne'er-do-well. From the early 20th century, basically some who never-does -well, implying a slacker or underachiever. Although people never said it even when I was growing up, I still think it's a cool word." - fabgwenn

"Whippersnapper - a young and inexperienced person considered to be presumptuous or overconfident. I've heard people on TV say it, (maybe Dennis the Menace, or some other 50s show). I heard a 90 year old woman say it IRL and I laughed so hard." - JazzFan1998

"Xeroxing a document." - C-ute-Thulu

"Blatherskite." - Biff_Bufflington

Merriam-Webster notes that the definition of "blatherskite" is "a person who blathers [talks foolishly at length] a lot; nonsense." Its first known use dates back to 1650.

"I don't seem to hear penultimate much anymore." - TakeMetoLallybroch

"I'm quite fond of the word slubberdegullion, meaning 'dirty scoundrel'. I use it frequently when I talk to my senior, who is a rather clean upstanding citizen. We laugh and then he tells me to get back to work." - r-pics-sux

Popular

People share the '10 second decisions' that meaningfully improved their lives forever

Proof that our fate is made up of a series of tiny choices.

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuition
Image via Canva

A woman at a fork in the road.

The average adult makes upwards of 35,000 decisions a day. These can include the bigger, more existential questions that require reflection to weigh the pros and cons. But the vast majority of decisions seem insignificant: What will I wear today? Order takeout or make food at home? Podcast or playlist? Still, these fleeting impulse choices can play just as big a role in our lives as the more thought-out ones.

Prime examples of this were recently made on Reddit, when people were asked to share a "decision you made in under 10 seconds that changed your life forever." These seemingly insignificant choices changed fates in profound ways.


“Decided to go to Subway instead of Dairy Queen. They were across the street from each other and I was passing through town during lunchtime. Ended up hitting it off with the woman making my sandwich. Next week is our 11 year anniversary.”

“My best friend said she wanted to move 2000+ miles across the country back to her home state and asked me if I wanted to come. I didn’t think, said ‘Yup, I’ll go.” We moved, less than a year afterwards I met my now wife. Couldn’t be happier.”

“Said yes to adopting a stray dog that followed me home. 10-second 'sure why not' moment—now he's my best buddy for 8 years.”


reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA van travels down the road. Photo credit: Canva


Others were able to uncover new passions they never imagined.

“I flipped a coin to decide if I was going to quit my job. Heads. I quit. A friend saw my lights on that night and stopped by to see what I was doing. I told him what happened, and he told me it was great timing. They let someone go at his job that day. He set me up with an interview for the next day, and I was hired. There were only three people who worked there. I eventually became the plant manager and have been working in management ever since!”

“Saw a random advert advertising scuba diving certification. I signed up thinking ‘why not?’ I’m now an aspiring diving instructor!”

“Early 20s and my sister asked me to drive her to the music shop to buy a guitar. I point one out and say ‘that black and gold one is gorgeous. Get that one.’ She tries it out and says ‘ehhh, I dunno if I really feel this one.’ I tell her that if she doesn't buy it, I will, and she says ‘you don't even play guitar! What are you gonna do with it?’ Walked out of the store with it on a complete whim, spent 3 months learning before I started doing open mics, making friends at the music shop, joining a band, and having the time of my life throughout my 20s.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA person plays the guitar. Photo credit: Canva
For some, a 10-second decision ended up with an unexpected windfall.

“Decided not to get into an elevator with my ex and her new boyfriend, so I took the stairs instead. On the third flight, I found a discarded scratch-off ticket that ended up being worth $50,000. It’s the only time in my life where being socially awkward actually paid off my mortgage.”

“A family in my marina announced that they are moving away the following week. They were going to turn their sailboat over to a broker to sell it for them. I mentioned that I was contemplating a larger boat with a smaller engine and would be interested in theirs. I asked what price would they consider? He said, $10k. I said, okay, and we shook on it. The boat was worth over $24k. I got a wheelbarrow from the marina corral and removed stuff from my smaller boat, walked it over to their dock, and loaded it onboard. That was ten years ago, and I still live on it six months out of the year. Sweet.”

Sometimes, these kinds of life-altering changes are simply fresh new outlooks on life.

“I was going through old text messages with my then girlfriend and realized I had become a very negative person. I decided right there to always look for the bright side of things. It takes some effort but that was 12 years ago and I'm much happier. It becomes second nature after a while.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA man smiles. Photo credit: Canva
In many instances, a 10-second decision prevented tragedy for themselves or others.

“Most of these answers are super happy and mine really isn’t but fits the question. Mine would be double checking on my wife before bed. She suffers from PTSD, depression and anxiety and had just been ‘off’ all day. I checked with her a couple times and she said everything was alright each time. It might sound weird but she was too happy and calm but kind of sad at the same time. It just didn’t sit right with me. She said she was going to bed and we kissed and I asked again she chucked and said to stop worrying. She went upstairs and I waited a few seconds and went up to say I think something is wrong. I stopped her from committing suicide that night. Normally I would take her for her word but that decision was 12 years ago and we are having the best version of our lives because I listened to my gut and went and checked.”

“One night I drove home from working evening shift (like 2 miles) and when I glanced in the rear view I had chills when I saw the headlights behind me at a red light. I got to my house and was about to park but then heard a voice in my head tell me to keep driving, so I did… and they continued to follow me. Called my dad to stay on the phone as I drove to a police station. Car stopped following when a cop car pulled up behind us (coincidentally). Next morning read about an armed carjacking in the area about an hour later.”

“In middle school my best friend invited me to Knott's Berry Farm with another group of kids he was friends with…I got to my friend’s house after running some errands with my mom. There were 5 kids aged 14-15 there. I asked my friend how we were getting [to Knott's Berry] and he said he was driving his dad’s car (he was underage and had no license). I was nervous but I wanted to look cool so, I said ok. Right before we got into the car, I had the worst feeling come over me. In approximately 5 seconds, I felt a drop in my stomach to a bottomless pit, a hot flash followed by chills, and intense nausea. I literally left without making a sound, running to a nearby Starbucks and using a stranger's phone and asking my mother to pick me up. I felt so embarrassed. I knew I was going to get shit all month from my friend…A few hours later, they were on their way home on the freeway and lost control of the vehicle. All 5 died.”

reddit, ask reddit, decisions, decision making, gut instinct, intuitionA damaged vehicle sits on the side of a road. Photo credit: Canva
What about when you can't decide?

And yet, for some (make that many) of us, knowing that every decision is uniquely important can be a major source of anxiety, causing us to freeze via “analysis paralysis” and not choose at all—which, in itself, is a choice (they’re inescapable!). In fact, our brains tend to struggle more with less risky decisions.

Interestingly, experts seem to suggest combating this ambivalence with tools that force a quick deadline. You can either toss a coin or set a time limit, which would arguably incite one of these potentially life-changing 10-second decisions.

Life will inevitably call on us to make both long, thought-out decisions and to go with our gut. But hopefully, this reminds us that even our whims can lead to something truly pivotal without making us lose our minds.

mahjong, senior citizens, viral videos, funny videos, elderly

A woman named Debbie helps explain Mahjong-gate.

If you've ever watched seniors play Mahjong, you know they're not messing around. Some might find it complicated. A player's guide explains, "Mahjong is a 4-person game of skill and chance that originated in China." It involves numbered tiles, winds, dragons, flowers, and jokers. It's serious business that, while fun and an excellent way to stretch the mind, can lead to actual fights.

No fight has been more dramatic than what happened between Allison Novak (@allisonnovak) and her family. While visiting her parents in Florida (an escape from the cold Minnesota winter where they all usually reside), Novak, alongside her brother, sister, husband, and son, piled into the car en route to the airport. From there, we get the full rundown on "Mahjong-gate."



@alllisonnovak

My mom telling me about the mahjong drama at her retirement community. #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

According to Allison's mother, Cynthia, a woman named Barbara allegedly cheats at this game—and the other players aren't having it. She shared, "We're done with her. We're not playing with a cheater anymore."

Cynthia goes on to explain an "incident" regarding tapping tiles. "They tapped it. They put it down. And I said, 'Oh damn. I wanted that tile.' And Sharon goes, 'Just take it.' And Barbara said, 'No, I tapped it already.'"

From there, it takes a dramatic turn: "Last night, Barbara did some stuff that was outright…I mean really bad." She explains another tapping incident before explaining the etiquette of Mahjong: "So when you Mahjong, meaning you won, you have to show all your tiles to prove it. Kinda like bingo. But she takes her tiles and flips them over so no one really knows what she really had."

These videos have become a massive hit online. On TikTok alone, the first in the series was so popular it has nearly 5,000 comments.

"Barbara is mentioned thousands of times in the Mahjong Files," jokes one TikToker, a comment itself garnering over 7,000 likes.

"The secret lives of Mahjong Wives," another comments, putting a spin on the popular reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Lives.

The Mahjong saga was so popular it has now become a series, with each video clip more exciting and dramatic than the last. (Novak has put menacing music underneath the dialogue, adding to the already terrifying tension.)

@alllisonnovak

The Real Housewives of Mahjong Mannor update!!! 🚨🚨🚨 #mahjong #mahjongtable #drama #retirement #florida

In Part Two of the series, Cynthia's friend Debbie (while chatting with their other friends Bud, Diane, and Ralph) says, "Oh, she looks like this innocent little lady. She goes to church. Like I told them, I don't go to Mahjong to see how well I can cheat. You want to play the game."

She complains that Barbara never bothers to change her game up, which the others find frustrating. From there, the conversation goes left, escalating into a possible murder accusation. (They're joking, of course, but you'll have to watch the video to see for yourself.)

Commenters from Instagram and Threads are also getting in on the fun by treating the saga like the soap opera/reality show it is. Many point out the pronunciation of Mahjong as "Mar-Jawn," which adds an extra element of delight.

"The Barbara Chronicles are giving me life," reads one of the comments. Another points out how quickly it all escalated, saying, "The jump from cheating to murdering your own husband…LOVE IT."

In Part Five, Allison summarizes the whole affair, which leads to Barbara’s banishment from the game. At one point, Barbara runs away, and they chase after her with a camera. We then see a black screen with a chyron reading, "As of this recording, Barbara has declined all interview requests. Sources close to Barbara declined to comment. Some questions remain unanswered."

On Threads, one person noted that not everything is always as it seems. "This is one of those documentaries where Barb walks in for her talking head interview in the last ten minutes and blows it all up."

@alllisonnovak

And that’s Mahjong 🀄️ #finalscene #barbaramahjong #mahjong #mahjongdrama #secretlives

Novak told Upworthy how it all began:

"My brother, sister, and I (and my husband and son) visit them every year. My mom and dad picked us up from the airport and immediately started telling me about the drama regarding Barbara. I couldn't help but laugh, and I was like, 'I need to record this!'"