The group turning religious leaders into LGBTQ rights crusaders in Kenya

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems. Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting…

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ArrayPhoto credit: Reasons to Be Cheerful

This piece was first published on Reasons to Be Cheerful and is part of the SoJo Exchange from the Solutions Journalism Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to rigorous reporting about responses to social problems.

Penda* did not feel worthy of a seat at the table with the 15 religious leaders she found herself nervously sitting across from, seven of them Christian, eight of them Muslim.

“Before I attended that forum, I knew that I was a sinner,” she recalls. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to go near a church. I didn’t even think that I could have a conversation with a religious leader.”

Yet in 2014, Penda, a masculine-presenting lesbian, found herself in conversation with these faith leaders, all of whom believed — and in many cases preached — that homosexuality is evil. But this was no ordinary conversation. At Penda’s side were three other people: a Kenyan gay man, a sex worker and someone living with HIV. None of the faith leaders knew these details. That information was held back — until just the right moment presented itself.

The forum was part of a strategic faith engagement session organized by Persons Marginalized and Aggrieved in Kenya (PEMA Kenya), a sexual and gender minority group in the coastal city of Mombasa. In Kenya, where the LGBTQ community is a frequent target of conservative religious leaders, who preach discrimination and sometimes even violence against them, PEMA Kenya takes an unusual approach: it works to “convert” faith leaders to the gay rights cause by introducing them to LGBTQ people, face to face, to build empathy, compassion and understanding.


The carefully orchestrated encounters require the utmost care — for all involved. “We don’t aim to ‘sensitize’ religious leaders,” says Lydia Atemba, a member of the faith engagement team. “We also prepare and equip our community to participate in dialogue with them. We try to bridge the gap on both sides.”

The most unlikely allies

The five-day event attended by Penda and the 15 religious leaders was ostensibly to discuss barriers to health care faced by marginalized people who have HIV. For the first three days of the forum, no explicit mention of homosexuality was uttered.

“We [then] brought other queer members into the sessions and they spoke with the religious leaders,” says Pastor McOveh, a queer pastor who helps to facilitate the program. (He requested his first name not be used.)

Penda was one of them. Now 44, she calmly shared her experience as a lesbian living in Mombasa. She had moved there in 2010, leaving behind the ruins of Kitale, a cosmopolitan town in Kenya that was struggling to recover from the 2007 election crisis. She described to them how she was verbally abused, and how she had been forced to sever ties with her spirituality because of faith leaders preaching anti-gay violence and discrimination.

“I have had troubles reconciling my sexuality and faith,” she told the group.

She says sharing her personal story was surprisingly effective. The faith leaders’ beliefs weren’t instantly transformed, but, she says, “I think I saw a lot of compassion in some of them.”

She was right. One of the conservative religious leaders in attendance that day was Pastor John Kambo. A pastor at the Independent Pentecostal Church of Kenya, Kambo was well known for his public attacks on the LGBTQ community. He once declared that “the gender and sexual minorities, especially in worship places, are cursed sinners and will go to hell.”

This wasn’t Kambo’s first PEMA session. The organization had been holding discussions with him for four years, gradually drawing him onto their side. “It was just follow-up meetings — continuous engagement overtime [to] change the way [he] sees things,” recalls Ishmael Bahati, PEMA Kenya’s executive director and co-founder. During this period, Kambo began reflecting on what the Bible says about love. According to transcripts from PEMA Kenya, he ultimately said that “continuous participation in these trainings opened my mind and I realized that we are all human beings.” The meeting with Penda was his last as an outsider — afterwards, he joined PEMA Kenya as an active, dedicated member, and remained one until his death last month.

In the end, Kambo became an unlikely friend to the queer community. He underwent PEMA’s Training of Trainers, which taught him how to carefully discuss LGBTQ concerns with his fellow faith leaders. But his conversion came at a price. He was excommunicated from the church for three years, and his marriage hit the skids. He continued to be an ally, however, and in 2018 he became the first religious leader to be nominated as a “Human Rights Defender” by the National Coalition of Human Rights Defenders — Kenya.

That same year, Kambo invited Pastor Benhadad Mutua Kithome to a PEMA discussion. “PEMA Kenya produced good notes, and they were helping us very much,” Kithome says of that meeting. “Some pastors were not agreeing with them — they were just agreeing with what the scriptures say. The way Sodom and Gomorrah was. The way, because of homosexuality, people were punished. But because of this training, some pastors, especially me, came to understand.”

Athumani Abdullah Mohammed, an Ustaz (Islamic teacher) whose view of queer people changed gradually after partaking in a PEMA session in 2018, had a similar experience.

“When I got a chance to engage, it was not easy because… I work with conservative organizations,” he says. “The whole gospel I was hearing was against ‘this people,’ as they called them. I thank my brother Ishmael because he was so persistent. He brought me on board. The funny thing is, the first meeting we held was not a good meeting. I was so against everything they were saying, but he saw something in me which I couldn’t see by myself. And he kept on engaging me. Now, I learned to listen and I opened myself to listen. I listen to what I want to hear — and what I don’t want to hear.”

Converting a culture

The coastal city of Mombasa is a conservative place. Religion is at its core, and local faith leaders wield outsized influence, often preaching violence against the queer community.

“Rhetoric vilifying LGBT people, much of it by religious leaders, is particularly pronounced on [Kenya’s] coast, and shapes public perceptions,” according to a Human Rights Watch report.

This was the environment into which PEMA Kenya launched in 2008. Started as a health and social wellbeing community for gay and bisexual men following the tragic death of a gay man in Mombasa — he became sick and was abandoned by his family — the group later expanded to accommodate other gender and sexual minority groups. Then, in 2010, a call to “flush out gays” by two major religious groups — the Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya (CIPK) and the National Council of Churches of Kenya (NCCK) — led to a spate of attacks on queer people.

The violence became a catalyzing moment for PEMA Kenya. “We thought that it is a good time to have a dialogue with the religious leaders,” recalls Bahati, “to see if we can have a lasting solution for the attacks.”

The organization appears to be making progress toward that goal. Until five years ago, Bahati says, Ramadan, which concluded this month, was a particularly dangerous time for queer people in Kenya’s coastal region. A U.S. government report supports this observation, concluding that “the highest incidences of violence in the Kenyan Coast, which has a largely Muslim population, are reported during Ramadan.”

For this reason, organizations like PEMA used to focus on simply keeping LGBTQ people safe from harm during these weeks. “Most organizations were looking for funds to relocate people, to support people” during this period, says Bahati.

But this year’s Ramadan has been different. Attacks on queer folks are down, Bahati reports. “Things have really changed.” He believes PEMA’s years of meticulous relationship building are beginning to bear fruit. To date, PEMA has trained 619 religious leaders, 246 of which are still active members in the network. These members are crucial to spreading the acceptance of queerness in their congregations and communities in Mombasa and across Kenya. They also facilitate events alongside queer pastors and Ustaz, and review the group’s strategic faith engagement manual, Facing Our Fears.

According to Jide Macaulay, an openly gay British-Nigerian priest, the influence religious leaders hold over public perception makes them invaluable allies. In his experience, building radical queer institutions in a place like Mombasa just isn’t effective. This is something he learned first-hand — in 2006, Macaulay founded House of Rainbow, the first queer church in Nigeria. It was considered an affront to the societal and religious norm, and met with hostility. It lasted only two years.

“My largest focus was on the [queer] community, not necessarily on the rest of the society,” he says. “We didn’t take time to educate the society. House of Rainbow would have benefitted if we had allies within the community. [It] would have benefitted if we started maybe as a support group rather than a full-blown church.”

Now, like PEMA Kenya, House of Rainbow has evolved to make engagement with Christian and Islamic faith leaders the core of its mission, holding forums in Malawi, Zambia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Africa, Lesotho, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Ghana.

What the scriptures say

Bahati’s expertise as an Islamic scholar comes in handy. For instance, he notes that the role of language is key to winning converts to an inclusive community.

During PEMA’s strategic meetings, faith leaders are introduced, carefully and tactfully, to humanizing language. “You see, the word homosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer are not bad words,” says Macaulay. “Society has made them scary.” PEMA’s facilitators explain appropriate usage, context and meanings, and the harmful implications of using such language as slurs.

“What we say is that language is not innocent,” says McOveh, the gay pastor. “Most of the time we realize that faith leaders use language unknowingly.”

Of course, simply teaching more sensitive language is only the first step. In the Bible and Quran, certain verses and stories are still used to justify homophobic slurs and attacks.

“You realize that scriptures have different interpretations,” says McOveh, “so we try to find common ground to tell them that, see, there is this which is provided by the religion and this which is given as perception.” Macaulay echoes this point. “Looking at the Bible, there’s a history of bad theology, mistranslation, and that mistranslation has caused many churches not to understand that homosexuality is not a sin. Homosexuality is not like robbery or theft. Homosexuality is like being Black. Homosexuality is like being albino. There are things that you just cannot change…Homosexuality is not a crime and it should never be criminalized.”

While groups like PEMA Kenya and House of Rainbow have battled systemic homophobia in society, their efforts are still “a drop of water in the ocean,” says Macaulay.

Homosexuality remains illegal in Kenya. The Penal Code explicitly criminalizes it, and a conviction can carry a prison sentence of up to 14 years. Petitions filed in Nairobi and Mombasa high courts in 2019 to rule these laws unconstitutional were both dismissed this year. Appeals have been filed, but according to Michael Kioko, a lawyer and LGBTQ advocate, it would take a long time to get a ruling.

“We’ll have to wait for years to see whether the court of appeal will declare those provisions unconstitutional, and they may not,” he says.

32 out of 52 African countries criminalize same-sex relations, with punishment ranging from death to lengthy prison terms. In some ways, these laws lend legitimacy to perpetrators of homophobic violence and discrimination.

The pandemic has presented PEMA Kenya with yet another challenge. The delicate work of working with new religious leaders can be risky, and the discussions can only take place in a secure location, says Mohammed.

“You cannot talk to people about these things in their area,” he says. “You need to be very particular when it comes to safety because it’s a lot of voices which are talking against this and people are willing to kill.” Holding discussions with participants in an undisclosed location is safer, but it requires funding which PEMA has spent on taking care of needy community members during the lockdown.

Still, the efforts of PEMA Kenya’s faith leaders continue to foster a safer city for a lot of queer people in Mombasa — in the streets, in the churches and mosques, and in their own homes. “[Now] someone can walk for a kilometer without being attacked,” says Penda with relief. “Those were things that were not very much happening back then.”

*Name has been changed to protect the person’s identity.


  • Why the iconic Boston accent is disappearing as the pronunciation of ‘R’ makes a comeback
    Why the infamous Boston accent is disappearing as the pronunciation of "R" makes a comeback.Photo credit: Canva

    Accents are regional in America. Two people can be from the same state but live hours apart, resulting in wildly different accents. The same is true for Massachusetts. People living in Cambridge don’t have the same accent as those living in Boston.

    The South Boston accent is so iconic that it has captured the hearts of people who have never even been there. This is likely due to a few famous Bostonians. Mark Wahlberg and his brothers, as well as the best-friend duo of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, are all from Boston. They’ve let their native Boston accent shine on the big screen more than once, helping cement the accent’s popularity.

    Boston, South Boston, Boston accent, regional accent decline, losing Boston accent
    Boston, Massachusetts. Photo credit: Canva

    But sadly, the endearing way Bostonians drop their “R” for the “ah” sound is fading, and fast. In a few short decades, people may not understand why someone would teasingly ask a Bostonian to say “car keys.” The famous “park the car in the Harvard Yard” line won’t hit the same. All Rs will be present and accounted for.

    Where’s the Boston accent going?

    So what’s happening with the accent that many Americans like attempting to mimic? The simple answer: humans migrate. We’ve been migrating since standing upright became a thing. Sure, we don’t migrate to follow food sources anymore, but we do follow jobs, social safety-net programs, and educational opportunities. As people from other states and countries move into Boston, and Bostonians move out, the accent becomes a casualty.

    Boston, South Boston, Boston accent, regional accent decline, losing Boston accent
    A group of people take a selfie. Photo credit: Canva

    Katherine Loftus, a native Bostonian and mom of two school-aged children, is a little sad about the accent disappearing. Her young children don’t have the iconic accent and tease her a bit for not pronouncing her Rs.

    “It might sound funny because it’s almost sort of this surface level, like, ‘what’s the big deal if your kids don’t have the accent that you have,’ but I have to admit that there’s a real sadness to the fact that they don’t have it at all,” she tells The Boston Globe. “There’s something for me that I’m very proud of that I sound like my dad, that I sound like my grandparents, that I sound like when you hear me, you know who I am.”

    According to linguist Ezra Wyschogrod, the mesmerizing South Boston accent has already reached its peak. He explains that there’s a trend toward the homogenization of American speech as people move more frequently. The City of Boston Planning Department reports that there are currently more than 100 different languages spoken in Boston. Additionally, more than 285,000 Boston residents are multilingual.

    “A lot of one’s dialect, and even one’s language, gets codified at very young ages amongst peer groups, and there are much less peer groups in Boston where you have all the kids that are all Boston kids,” Wyschogrod tells The Boston Globe. “New accents form all the time, and for all we know, whatever new mix that Boston is, there could be some new accent that everyone just starts noticing.”

    Bostonians didn’t always have the iconic accent

    It turns out the missing R is something that only started around 100 years ago. Now, that pesky consonant is returning after a brief centennial hiatus. Wyschogrod doesn’t want people to worry. No one is revoking anyone’s Boston card if they don’t drop their Rs.

    “There was this interesting period where we were R-less, and now we’re back to this R-full speech,” Wyschogrod reveals. “We were distinctly New England before that. We were distinctly New England during this R-less period, and we’re going to be distinctly New England after.”

    The South Boston accent isn’t the only one getting the boot. As people do what they’ve been doing since the dawn of time—move—dialect is evolving. Today reports that multiple studies have shown that the “Southern twang, the Texas drawl, and even the beloved Brooklynese are all slowly changing.”

    Marjorie Feinstein-Whittaker, a speech and communications consultant, explains to Today that while the Boston accent might fade, it isn’t going to disappear completely.

    “I don’t think the accent is ever going away, honestly, but I do think it’s changing,” she says. “Our lives are much more varied than they used to be.”

  • How to live more productively by understanding your distinct ‘time personality’
    A person planning with a calendar (left) and a person running late (right).Photo credit: Canva

    It’s true that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. But it’s our own personal relationship to those 24 hours that greatly determines what that day looks like.

    Time is one of those things that is both a constant in our collective reality, and yet highly subjective to the individual. It’s why one person hears “We need to be there 6:30” and translates that to “We need to be out the door in fifteen minutes,” and another person translates it as “Oh, I have plenty of time to change my clothes, walk the dogs, listen to a podcast, and clean out that junk drawer!” And of course, these two individuals will be spouses. It is universal law. 

    It would seem that—much like how knowing whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between can help you navigate social settings—knowing your MO when it comes to time management can really help make your day flow a lot smoother. 

    That’s where the four “time personalities” come in. 

    In an article for Verywell Mind, experts Kristin Anderson, LCSW, and Dr. Ryan Sultan, explained that most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between “very rigid” and “very flexible.” There are, of course, various factors that dictate why we might fall into a certain spot—including neurodiversity, age, and other aspects of our overall personality. But regardless, knowing the gifts and challenges of our go-to time management settings can greatly affect how we “function.”

    See which one below seems to resonate the most. 

    The 4 Time Personalities

    1. The Time Optimist

      The never-ending mantra, or perhaps the “famous last words,” of this personality is “I’ve got plenty of time!” regardless of what the clock says.

      Because of this, Sultan says time optimists “don’t really feel pressure under a time crunch.” They truly believe they can fit multiple tasks into a short amount of time and don’t easily account for potential delays, which leads to chronic tardiness. 

      “They’re ones who leave for a dinner reservation with just enough time to get there, as long as there’s no traffic and they hit every green light,” said Sultan. 

      Folks who consider themselves time optimists might benefit from exploring the “double it rule,” which has you automatically double the amount of time you think it’ll take to get somewhere or complete a task. 

      2. Time Anxious

      Unlike time optimists, “time anxious” personalities feel an enormous amount of pressure, assuming “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong (e.g., traffic, delays, getting lost on the way).” Therefore, they attempt to ease this tension by showing up to things incredibly early. 

      Dealing with time anxiety involves many of the same tools to handle everyday anxiety, such as grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 technique, deep breathing), cognitive restructuring (challenging perfectionism, setting realistic goals), and structured planning (using calendars/apps, setting “worry time”). These strategies help shift focus from the future to the present, reducing the fear of wasted time. And maybe, just maybe, the time anxious can experiment with being fashionably late to low-pressure situations. 

      3. Time Bender

      For time benders, the whole concept of time is merely subjective. Where time optimists overestimate what they can accomplish within a certain amount of time, time benders create entirely different time rules for themselves. “Being 10 minutes late basically counts as on time,” Anderson uses as an example. 

      These are the curious, creative souls who thrive under pressure and easily lose track of time when they reach a flow state, or bounce from inspiring task to inspiring task.

      To help curb time-bending tendencies, a good option could be the “Pomodoro Technique,” which has you working in focused, 25-minute bursts followed by short breaks to maintain high energy and concentration. 

      “Time blindness” might sound very close to “time optimism” and “time bending,” but the former is associated with an actual inability to perceive the passage of time. That’s why Anderson and Sultan explained that this category is frequently found in those with ADHD or executive function issues.  

      4. Time Blind

      “It’s not that these folks don’t care about being late or making other people wait,” said Anderson. “Without external reminders or cues, it’s easy for them to lose track of how long things take, which makes sticking to a schedule more challenging.”

      Sultan added, “Their brains actually have a difficult time registering and processing temporal information, causing impairments in working memory, executive functioning, and temporal discounting.” 

      Though time blindness might be more deeply ingrained than the other three personalities, there are several proven tools that can help—from simple, tried-and-true methods like visual/audio timers (think hourglasses and analog clocks) to apps designed to help strengthen time estimation. And of course, these tools aren’t exclusively beneficial to those with bona fide time blindness. Optimists and benders can try them out as well. 

      Once you better understand how you uniquely navigate time, you’re better able to (a) incorporate strategies that help you work within your limitations and (b) give yourself a little grace. Perhaps that last part is most important.

    1. An Eastern European asked Americans why they’re so ‘nice and cordial.’ The replies were totally wholesome.
      Americans are considered friendly and cordial by Europeans.Photo credit: Canva

      Europeans have always had hot takes on Americans and American culture. From portion sizes to garbage disposals to widely available air conditioning, there are plenty of things America has to offer that Europe just doesn’t.

      And when it comes to demeanor, it’s hard for Europeans to deny that Americans have a warmer presence. A 2025 survey by Upgraded Points asked 2,200 Europeans from 22 different countries for their opinions on Americans. In it, 64% reported that they found Americans friendly.

      On Reddit, an Eastern European who experienced American friendliness firsthand asked Americans why they are “nice and cordial.”

      An Eastern European’s take on Americans

      The Eastern European explained that they had been living in the United States for a few years, and shared what most interactions with Americans have been like.

      “I’ve noticed that common courtesies are much more, well, common, here in the US,” they wrote. “Examples like small talk by cashiers, moving men, etc. Even most people make witty responses, like they’re actually listening to what I said. I’ve said a few times, ‘Oh, I’m just watching Netflix over the weekend.’ And they’ll mention or recommend shows they’ve watched.”

      They went on to explain that it happens often and, seemingly, from a place of authenticity.

      @maraleebell

      Replying to @Tea Time I 100% get why some people say American friendliness feels fake 😨 … and why others say it’s real!

      ♬ original sound – Maralee Bell

      “They also always ask how I am, asking about my weekend plans, holding open the door for several people, and more,” they shared. “It just seems ingrained from an early age. And a lot of it seems genuine, very rarely forced.”

      The post ended, “I’ve just found this so refreshing as someone who’s from a region in the world where people don’t even make eye contact with you. This is seriously an underrated part of American culture in my opinion.”

      Americans respond

      Americans shared their wholesome replies as to why they are genuinely nice and cordial:

      “It’s fun to be nice to people, because it makes you feel happier inside.”

      “I dunno. Just how I was raised. I find it difficult to not be nice to strangers cause like why do I want to cause trouble and make a scene? All it does is hinder my day and cause more issues. Takes more effort to be mean than to just.. Not be.”

      “I read once that cultures with big melting pots of ethnicities (USA, Brazil) tend to be more outwardly friendly with smiles and body language as there were large portions of times when the country was largely immigrants that wouldn’t understand each others language so they’d smile at strangers because they couldn’t speak their language, and then that remained embedded in the culture. It was a convincing argument.”

      “I mean… another way to look at it is, ‘why wouldn’t you be?’ An ex-girlfriend of mine once said, ‘if you can’t find the joy in the small things in life, you’ll never be happy with any other successes.’ So when you meet someone, ask about them, smile, gas them up, make them happy. Those endorphins are contagious.”

      “Cordiality is how a nation of immigrants helps create social cohesion. Cordiality is a public practice of democracy. Cordiality is an implicit way of acknowledging equal standing under the law. We will see how long it lasts now.”

      “Yeah, I think that equality is such an American value that we have it engrained to smile and be cordial to strangers as a way of affirming a lack of class boundaries. I’ve spent lots of time with people from caste/servant/enormous-poverty-divide countries lately and some details in lack of respect to strangers have been really astoundingly off-putting.”

      “Because it costs nothing and makes people happy. I didn’t know why this is an American thing, but I particularly enjoy bullsh*t smalltalk and my German wife thinks I’m insane.”

    2. Brazilian pianist covers Guns N’ Roses with the weirdest instrument of all: rubber chickens
      Rubber chickens are an underrated instrument.Photo credit: @lordvinheteiro on TikTok

      There are many ways to pay tribute to a music artist through a cover of one of their songs. Some honor their inspiration by playing their hit song in a different genre of music. Others cover the song through different instrumentation or key changes. Then there’s the guy who performs his cover with rubber chickens.

      The professional pianist known as Lord Vinheteiro has gotten attention on TikTok by performing Guns N’ Roses’ song “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Only, instead of the vocal stylings of Axl Rose, Vinheteiro sings the song through the squeaky voices of rubber chickens of varying sizes. And he nails it.

      @lordvinheteiro

      Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N’Roses sweetchildomine gunsnroses rubberchickens chickens chicken vinheteiro lordvinheteiro

      ♬ som original – Lord Vinheteiro – Lord Vinheteiro

      Commenters were equal parts impressed and amused:

      “How does one tune a rubber chicken?”

      “Next year’s Super Bowl show! UNRIVALED!!!”

      “If you close your eyes, it sounds just like Axl Rose.”

      “This is what the internet was invented for.”

      “I don’t care what y’all say… THIS IS TALENT.”

      “Simply awesome, Maestro!”

      “As a middle school science teacher would you mind if I showed this video to my students? We’re studying sound waves and this is a perfect example of frequency and pitch.”

      “Needed this smile. Thank you.”

      “Clucking brilliant.”

      Who is this rubber chicken maestro?

      Lord Vinheteiro, the professional name of Brazilian musician Fabrício André Bernard Di Paolo, has entertained the Internet since 2008. He gained attention through his expert piano skills—where he’s playing theme songs from cartoons or playing the piano at a distance with strings. All the while, Vinheteiro adds to the absurdity by looking directly into the camera with an expressionless face.

      Prior to his career as a YouTube content creator and music teacher, Paolo worked in construction. His videos grew in popularity in his native Brazil before gaining traction worldwide. Until recently, he showcased his classical music prowess by playing video game themes and other pop-culture favorites. In 2025, he began expanding his musical talent by incorporating rubber chickens into his content.

      While still showcasing his impressive piano skills, he frequently shows off his rubber chicken singing abilities using chickens of various sizes. Impressively, Paolo is able to hit the proper tone and pitch with expert grip and timing. This feat has earned him millions of views on rubber chicken versions of a wide variety of songs, from System of a Down’s “Chop Suey!” to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and even the “Imperial March” theme from Star Wars.

      If you are amused and fascinated by Lord Vinheteiro’s work, check out his social media for more. It may be piano and rubber chickens for now, but it’ll be interesting to see which instrument he masters next.

    3. Drummer creates amazing cover videos from wheelchair with innovative mouth-trigger kick pedal
      A drummer creates inspiring cover videos from his wheelchair with help from a mouth-trigger kick pedal.Photo credit: Screenshots via Jesse Avi on Instagram

      Drummer Jesse Avi has racked up millions of social media views with his precise, tasteful cover videos. But these clips are also fascinating and motivational on a deeper level: Avi, who uses the handle “The Slightly Different Drummer,” performs them all from his wheelchair, operating the kick drum with a pedal triggered by his mouth. 

      Avi has been posting his covers—everything from modern soul music (Silk Sonic’s “Smokin Out the Window”) to early ’80s power pop (Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl”)—since December 2025. But he truly reached social media virality the following month by tackling Incubus’ 1999 alt-metal classic “Pardon Me.” It’s a killer rendition, nailing José Pasillas’ deft snare rolls, cathartic crash cymbals, and powerful kick grooves. Both drummers and non-musicians responded, with the clip reaching over a million views on Instagram alone. 

      “This is inspiring”

      Here are some of the top comments: 

      “Dude you are LOCKED IN 🤘”

      “Is the trigger for the kick in your mouth this is AMAZING 💪🏻

      “Hell yeah button 👉🏻”

      “For any non drummers, please know this is incredibly tight playing”

      “Pardon me sir but this is amazing !!!!”

      “Nothing stopping you!!! 🔥🔥🔥”

      “Im about to have a major spine surgery and i have a fear of losing mobility in my legs after and nor being able to drum. This gave me hope even if the worst comes to pass. This is inspiring”

      “Obsessed with rhythm”

      Avi tells Upworthy he started playing drums around age 10, “obsessed with rhythm.” When he first saw the video for Hanson’s 1997 pop hit “MMMBop” on MTV, he found himself locking in on the drummer, Zac Hanson. “Something about the power and control behind the kit pulled me in, and the fact that it was just kids playing blew my mind,” he says.

      Soon enough, he was “banging on pillows” and quickly found himself behind an actual kit. But after a spinal cord injury at age 13, he stopped playing for several years—and when he started back, he couldn’t continue with the traditional drum setup.

      “At first, that was frustrating—because muscle memory and habit are huge parts of drumming,” he recalls. “But I also realized that if I wanted to keep playing at the level I expected from myself, I’d have to rethink things instead of resisting the change. In a lot of ways, it made me more creative. I had to analyze my playing from the ground up—literally. It forced me to become more intentional, more disciplined, and more technical about how I move around the kit. What could’ve been a limitation ended up reshaping my style and making me a more thoughtful drummer.”

      “I needed to retrain my brain”

      A major breakthrough came on July 5, 2005, after glimpsing a Def Leppard show at New Jersey’s FirstEnergy Park, where he worked as a dishwasher.

      “I’ll never forget it,” he says. “On my break, I was able to watch the band perform a few songs, and I was amazed at how Rick Allen, their drummer with one arm, could play so smoothy and perfectly. I drove home that night thinking to myself, ‘If he can do it, I can do it.’ Keep in mind, no YouTube or online videos were around for me to really watch him perform. So I spent the next few days [experimenting] with this pedal that I took from an electronic drum set I got for Christmas a few years earlier.”

      At first, Avi tried sticking the pedal under his arm, but it would fall right out. He tried sitting on it, but that proved too uncomfortable. After putting the device in his mouth, he found he could play simple beats.

      “It was hard, and I needed to retrain my brain that biting down is the kick drum now, not my leg,” he says. “Within a week, I was playing daily, and it never really stopped from there. I always continued to play on and off—sometimes I wouldn’t play for a year or so, and then I’d play for three years straight. As of recently I have been playing more, and it’s been a great feeling.”

      The technical side of his playing is pretty inventive: Avi bites down on the trigger every time he wants to hear a kick drum, which sends a signal to his “drum brain”—a Roland TD-3—and then into the Yamaha EAD10 drum module to create the kick sound.

      His videos have sparked a range of responses: both pro and casual musicians sharing their feedback, drummers asking technical questions, and people sharing how the videos inspired them.

      “I can tell you this: There are plenty of good people on this Earth,” Avi says. “I have really had some amazing comments and DMs from people all over the world. It’s incredible. The response has honestly been one of the most meaningful parts of sharing my videos. I’ve had everyday drummers reach out, and even a few professional players, letting me know they connected with what I’m doing. That’s something I don’t take lightly.” 

      “It’s been especially powerful hearing that something as simple as me playing and being consistent has inspired other people—whether that’s pushing through their own challenges or just picking up the sticks again,” he adds. “At the end of the day, drumming is such a tight-knit community. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing arenas or in your garage—we all understand the language of rhythm. Being able to connect with other musicians through that has been one of the biggest unexpected rewards.” 

      “I almost melted into the floor”

      So what makes the Incubus video so special? Even Avi isn’t sure, but maybe it’s due to the power of the song itself.

      “When I recorded that video, I honestly didn’t think it would do what it did,” he says with a laugh. “With everything going on in the world right now, the song has its own identity, right? Like, it starts tight. Then it gradually expands—more energy, more intensity, more space. When it hits the chorus, it feels like release. Not chaos but a release. It doesn’t say ‘I’m mad at the world.’ It’s more like ‘I’m overwhelmed, and I’m trying to understand it.’ I think people really connect with that.”

      “I could also be totally wrong,” he adds. “I don’t know what the algorithm was doing that day, but it sure reached a lot of people. It was crazy. I went from 12 Instagram followers to four thousand the next day. José Pasillas and [Incubus singer] Brandon Boyd both liked the video on Instagram, and I almost melted into the floor. I couldn’t believe it.”

      It’s one powerful moment of many for The Slightly Different Drummer, who’s inspired to keep pushing himself. 

      “I’ve been playing for over 20 years now, and what’s kept me going is that there’s always another level to reach,” he says. “Drumming isn’t just something I do—it’s part of who I am. It’s how I express myself, how I challenge myself, and honestly, how I connect with people.”

    4. A Millennial dad ordered his Gen Alpha daughter a ‘Skip-It’ toy from the ’90s and playfully ribs her for struggling
      Comedian Anthony Rodia bought his Gen Alpha daughter the '90s toy Skip-It.Photo credit: Instagram
      ,

      A Millennial dad ordered his Gen Alpha daughter a ‘Skip-It’ toy from the ’90s and playfully ribs her for struggling

      “It’s not that hard cuz we weren’t playing with iPads back then—we were outside!”

      Millennials grew up in the analog ’90s—a very different childhood than today’s plugged-in Gen Alpha.

      For Millennials who spent hours playing outside, there was one toy that bruised shins and nearly broke ankles: the Skip-It. Millennial comedian Anthony Rodia decided to introduce his Gen Alpha daughter to it.

      In a hilarious video shared with his followers on Instagram, Rodia documents his 10-year-old daughter trying her best to catch a rhythm while playing with the iconic ’90s toy. Rodia explains that he ordered one for her to test out from Amazon, and it leads to lots of laughs for them both.

      From the start, his daughter has a hard time getting into the groove. Rodia immediately starts ribbing her, playfully chirping, “What’s the matter? Our toys are a little too difficult for ya? A little harder than just being on your iPad?”

      She continues to swing the Skip-It around with no success, cracking up at the camera as her dad films and laughs. “Try to play with a toy we had when we were kids. You can’t even do a Skip-It!” he says as the Skip-It slides off her ankle and smashes into him.

      In the next clip, Rodia gives the Skip-It a try and immediately nails it. He jokes to his daughter, “It’s not that hard cuz we weren’t playing with iPads back then—we were outside! Playing with dangerous toys!”

      He shows off his Skip-It skills, folding his arms and even closing his eyes.

      Viewers respond

      In the comments, Rodia addressed viewers who thought he was being a little too tough on his daughter.

      “It’s crazy how many people are getting butt hurt that I’m breaking my daughter’s chops 😂😂😂😂 yet my 10 year old daughter is laughing about it,” he wrote. “If there was no banter in my house growing up, there was something wrong! Update: she kept trying and now mastered it 🤣🤷🏻‍♂️👍🏼.”

      Others loved the joyful interaction and the nostalgia it brought back:

      “This is just a healthy father/daughter dynamic,” one person wrote. “This is how my dad and I talk to each other. Love that man. Got plans to play videogames with him later tonight. He’s 73 years old.”

      Another wrote, “Lmao I had this and a pogo stick 😂.” And another Millennial added, “Now have her put on rollerblades and have her go down a hill at 90 mph with no pads or helmet! 🤣 how did we survive?”

      Millennials on Reddit also chimed in. “Get her a Bop-It next,” one commented. Another wrote, “This also makes me think of Razor scooters when you’d try to spin the bottom around and it’d whack you hard in your shins.”

      History of the Skip-It

      The Skip-It, as it was known in the 1990s, was actually inspired by earlier versions that launched in the 1960s. According to The Retroist, the earliest version was released by Canadian toy company Twinpak, which called it the Footsie. Another Canadian company, Reliable Toys, also had a similar version, named Skip-it (with a lowercase “i”).

      An American version, called the Jingle Jump, launched a few years later, but the Canadian design was deemed superior.

      Ultimately, the Skip-It Millennials grew to know and love was launched by Tiger Electronics in 1989 after the rights were purchased from American toy company the Paul E. Price Company. Thanks to Skip-It commercials on kids’ TV network Nickelodeon, the Skip-It craze exploded.

      In 2011, TIME magazine included the Skip-It on its list of the “All-TIME 100 Greatest Toys.”

      Clearly, the Skip-It is a beloved toy that’s still bringing smiles decades later.

    5. Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord
      A man shared how not getting an wedding invite made him end an 10-year friendship. Photo credit: @yonosoyasi5/TikTok
      ,

      Man shares how not getting a wedding invite made him end a 10-year friendship, and it struck a chord

      “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

      As many are in the habit of doing, a man recently took to TikTok to “vent.” His “story time” was about his choice to end a 10-year friendship after not getting invited to said friend’s wedding. It soon became undeniably clear that he wasn’t alone in having an experience like this. 

      In the now-viral clip, the creator, @yonosoyasi5, explained that he understood that weddings are special, expensive moments, and therefore “not everyone can go.” 

      However, he admitted that “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”

      This blow ultimately caused @yonosoyasi5 to accept that the friendship as he knew it had come to a close. There was no animosity, but there wasn’t any effort, either. 

       “I wish him the best. I never wish him ill. But to say that I wanna be a part of his life now, it would be very fake. I just don’t care anymore,” he said. 

      Even when confronted by a member of that shared friend group, @yonosoyasi5 was upfront about his stance, saying, “What am I gonna hang out with him for? What’s the objective of me putting energy into this friendship?”

      TikTok reacts

      The video soon got an onslaught of comments from people who had similarly heartbreaking experiences—and developed similar mindsets. 

      “One of my BEST guy friends for 8+ years did not invite me to his wedding. I introduced him to his wife. They went out because of me. I have never been more hurt in my life. I cut off the relationship …and they always try to pull me back closer…I can never pull the knife out of my back.”

      “It’s not actually the wedding invite, it’s finding out the person doesn’t see you as a close friend.”

      “Once you exclude me from important moments, I will exclude you from my entire life.”

      “I think at our age we want to get back what we put into friendships/relationships. You love with your whole heart, so to not have it reciprocated is hurtful. I feel ya.”

      “Crazy…this happened to me…20 years of growing up down the drain.” 

      Lastly, one person even said, “friendship breakups are WORSE than romantic breakups.” 

      woman, alone, grief, breakup, friendship
      Woman sitting alone on a bench overlooking the water.Photo credit: Canva Photos

      Many experts seem to agree with this notion. Or, at the very least, that friendship loss triggers what’s known as “ambiguous grief,” which is the feeling of anguish that comes from losing someone physically while they are psychologically present (e.g., missing person, mental illness, divorce). Our stress responses are triggered, our feel-good chemicals get depleted, our sleep gets disrupted—which is all a science-based way of saying it hurts. Really bad.

      This level of ambiguous grief really depends on what the friendship personally meant to a person. In @yonosoyasi5’s case, it meant a great deal. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these difficult transitions. 

      Coping strategies for friendship loss
      1. Allow yourself to grieve

      Even once you’ve reached acceptance and found other meaningful relationships, waves of yearning for what’s past may still creep up. Allow space for those feelings. They will pass. 

      2. Use it as a learning opportunity

      Without assigning blame, you can get curious about what might have caused the relationship to end. This way, you can set clear friendship intentions moving forward. 

      3. Engage in self-care

      Journal, meditate, reclaim old passions, exercise, and get outdoors. These things tend to help with grief of all kinds. 

      4. Appreciate the support systems you still have

      Taking stock of the good friends that remain in your life can help offset any feelings of loneliness and reinforce a sense of belonging, experts say. 

      Bottom line: cutting someone out of our lives hurts, but that pain might truly be the lesser evil in the long run. May we all have the foresight to know the difference and seek out those who do give us such grace. 

    6. Reese Witherspoon’s blunt advice for young fan’s career change: ‘Don’t chase your dreams’
      A young woman looking stressed and Reese Witherspoon.Photo credit: Jenn Deering Davis/Wikimedia Commons and Canva
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      Reese Witherspoon’s blunt advice for young fan’s career change: ‘Don’t chase your dreams’

      “Everybody has dreams. Doesn’t mean you’re going to be that thing.”

      There is no expiration date for finding success in life, but knowing what you want to do at a young age can give you a significant advantage in a competitive world. The problem is that many folks aren’t sure which path to pursue. Do you follow your dreams or take the safer route to success?

      Actress Reese Witherspoon, who’s also had massive success as a producer and entrepreneur, says the answer is easy: follow your talents.

      A young woman unhappy in her career asked Witherspoon for advice on starting a new one, and the Legally Blonde star shared her thoughts on Instagram.

      Witherspoon’s career advice

      “Okay, well, what are your talents?” Witherspoon asked the woman. “And she had a hard time telling me what her specific talents were. And I thought to myself, this is very, very important. You don’t chase your dreams, you chase your talent.”

      “Everybody has dreams. Doesn’t mean you’re going to be that thing. You are supposed to do what you’re talented at,” Witherspoon said. “It’s your job in life to figure out what your specific, unique talents are and go chase them. That’s what you’re going to do. Chase your talents. Not your dreams.”

      Witherspoon’s advice is practical but also leaves the door open for some magic. If you are an incredible painter and an average singer, it’s best to focus on improving your painting skills. Focusing on your talents can also help you fulfill your dreams, but you have to hone your talent first.

      “It’s magic when your talents align with your dreams or when you recognize your talents can support your dreams,” one person wrote in the comments on Witherspoon’s video.

      reese witherspoon, actress, red carpet, legally blonde, black dress
      Reese Witherspoon in 2011. Photo credit: Eva Rinaldi/Wikimedia Commons.

      Career coaches chime in on Witherspoon’s advice

      Upworthy reached out to professional career coaches to see what they had to say about Witherspoon’s advice.

      “From a research standpoint, Witherspoon is right to push back on the blanket (and all too popular) advice to follow your dreams,” said Dr. Heather Maietta, the owner of Career In Progress, a global private practice that develops career professionals. “Strengths (or talent) alignment is strongly associated with engagement and performance.”

      happy employee, career, briefcase, success, leaping, shadow man
      A man leaping with a briefcase. Photo credit: Canva

      “However, decades of career development research suggest that sustainable career decisions sit at the intersection of three factors: demonstrated strengths (talents), genuine interest and motivation, and market demand and role economics,” she added.

      Karol Ward, a licensed psychotherapist who coaches corporate clients in professional growth, said that once someone has identified the talents they wish to cultivate, they should reach out to successful people in their network to create a roadmap for success. She shared some questions people should ask their connections:

      • Did they have clear intentions or a vision about what they wanted?

      • Did they create a specific plan, and if so, what did that look like?

      • Did they hire support people such as coaches, therapists, or financial planners?

      • Did they take classes, join organizations, or find mentors?

      • What resources do they recommend?

      • How did they choose who or what to spend their time on to reach their goals?

      Witherspoon has achieved her dreams by succeeding as an A-list actress, an incredibly difficult career to break into that takes skill, perseverance, and a lot of luck. So, one would think she’d tell everyone to follow their dreams, too. However, she believes the best way to find success is for people to be the best versions of themselves, and that’s an opportunity available to everyone.

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