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4 things you should definitely say to a new foster parent. (And 4 things you shouldn't. Just... No.)

There are an estimated 400,000 kids in the 50 foster care systems across the U.S.

That may seem like a huge pile of kids, but it's still fewer than the number of people who caught the midnight showing of the final Harry Potter movie.

As a foster parent in training, who's taking the required 10-week prep course before the licensure process, it's not uncommon for me to be surrounded by people who don't know a single person involved in the foster care system.

Since I started this process, I've had enough of the same conversations that I wanted to put together a guide for the "Well-Meaning, Supportive, and Slightly Alarmed Foster-Adjacent Friends and Family."

Here are the four things you should definitely say to a prospective foster parent. (And four things you really shouldn't. Really. Just... No.)


Photo by Petras Gagilas/Flickr.

1. When I first tell you I'm going to become a foster parent...

What to skip: "Aren't you worried? Those kids can be so tough. Let me tell you a story about a book I read about the foster care system and how I couldn't stop crying about it for days."

Here's the thing: Nobody becomes a foster parent by accident. We apply, take classes, and go through licensure. Every step of the way, we have to confront massive questions about ourselves and our lives ... sometimes in 20-page handwritten applications. Even if we didn't begin with that level of consideration, the system forces us to take that time to think about our choices.

What to say: "I'd love to know more about what led you to become a foster parent."

This shows respect for all the work and thought I've put into this. If you listen to my story and then have follow-up questions? Great. But chances are, I'm going to answer a lot of your questions before you ask them. Like, yes, I do plan to invest in some indestructible furniture.

Photo by Flazingo Photos/Flickr.

2. If you're thinking about the challenges of being a foster parent...

What to skip: "I could never do what you're doing. It'd be too hard for me."

This is like responding to someone's "I'm pregnant!" announcement with, "Oh, but I've heard labor is SO PAINFUL."

Honestly? We've all chosen to do painful things in life. So, maybe you haven't chosen to be a foster parent. But you've probably risked vulnerability for love. You've moved away from friends and family. You've played a sport you loved even though you now have a knee surgeon on speed dial. Humans do painful things all the time. Think of how you got through the last painful experience you had. Think of what your loved one said while they held your hand and fixed you sangria on top of a pile of ice cream.

And if you can't stomach my rants about "The System," or learning a new name every so often, or watching me go through the heartbreak of transition, I get it. It can be a lot. We can go our separate ways. Right now, I need friends who are ready to offer support and camaraderie.

What to say: "It sounds like there are going to be some rough times, but you can count on me. I might not know what to say, but I'm here for you. Do you think you'll want sangria or ice cream when your heart is broken?"

Both, please. I want both.

Photo by Divya Thakur/Flickr.

Photo by James/Flickr.

3. When you're thinking about how foster parenting might be different from other types of parenting...

What to skip: "I just think you're missing out on the true experiences of parenthood, like pregnancy and labor and getting to name your child…"

If you stop to think about it, what you're essentially saying is, "You will never be a real parent. Not fully." And that's a rejection of everything I'm working toward.

I get it. The rhyme never said, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a lifelong entanglement with the child welfare system and a series of placements that will set your heart on a path of growing and breaking forever."

Unless we grew up in the foster care system, none of us was taught how to do this. But I'm taking a deep breath and going for it. Sure, there will be things I don't experience. Heck, my grandfather still thinks I'm leading an unfulfilled life because I refused to take any engineering classes in college. But I'm still breathing, and he and I have a rich and loving relationship despite our radically different careers. You and I can, too.

What to say: "What parts of parenthood are you looking forward to?"

There are lots of experiences I'm going to get to have as a parent — and I'm excited! Ask me about them.


Photo courtesy of the Boston Public Library, Leslie Jones Collection/Flickr.

4. If you think I'm doing the world a favor...

What to skip: "You're doing such a great thing, saving those poor kids."

There is nothing that gets under my skin like fire ants faster than the savior narrative of foster care. There are no heroes, and there are no villains — only the incredibly snarly, messy, complex, and beautiful families and people that make up this system. And I include myself in that system, by the way. I am snarly, messy, complex, and beautiful.

I am not saving anybody. I'm providing a safe and loving home for a child for as long as that child is with me. I'm going to school meetings and soccer practice and kissing bruised knees and checking for monsters under the bed. None of this is heroic — unless it is heroic when you do it too.

Sure, kids who've been through significant trauma have a lot of healing to do. But giving them a safe place to do the work is not an act of heroism. It's an act of humanity. If I get a medal for it, than so should you. And also your kid's teacher. Possibly their doctor too. And that really great babysitter.

Kids come into my house whole, not broken. They come with trauma and baggage and very few belongings. But they also come with wholly formed personalities, senses of humor, survival skills, smarts, and playfulness. There is nothing to fix, only to heal and continue to grow and thrive.

Photo by John Perivolaris/Flickr.

What to say: "Tell me about the kids you've cared for."

When you say this, I see that you recognize my kids as individuals, as whole, sparkly, fabulous people.

And if you're an experienced parent, I may need your advice, especially if I'm dealing with a situation I've never encountered before, like advocating for my kids in school or choosing a piano teacher. Ask about how they make me laugh, how they push my buttons — and I'll ask you right back.

Because we're there with other parents. Our kids may change, and we may have a lot more paperwork to fill out, but we are just as up to our elbows in mud, poop, grinning, anticipation, heartbreak, and exhaustion. And like other parents, we wouldn't trade it for anything.

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Dogs really do have favorite people, and here's how they decide who it will be

Sometimes their favorite people don't live in their house.

Photo credit: Canva

Dogs really do have favorite people. Here's how they decide

When my sister's dog, Junior, was on this side of the Rainbow Bridge, I was one of his favorite people. This dog would get full body wags every time I came around, and we'd spend most of the day cuddled up with each other. Now my dog, Cocolina, behaves in the same way whenever my sister comes to visit. But what goes into a dog deciding who their favorite person is? Spoiler, it's not always the person they live with.

Like humans, animals have their own personalities. You might rescue a dog thinking it will be the perfect companion, only to have the furry adoptee spend every waking moment following your partner around. You could spend hundreds of dollars on vet checkups, new harnesses, treats, and all the squeaky dog toys you can find, but that still won't be enough to convince a dog to love you. Instead of showering the giver of treats with kisses, they make goo-goo eyes at the pet sitter. It turns out they have their reasons.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Corgi cuddles spreading joy and smiles!Photo credit: Canva

Since our canine friends can't talk, we have to rely on the experts to explain what the deal is with how dogs pick their favorite human. Carol Erickson, a Pennsylvania SPCA animal advocate, gave a brief interview with CBS News Philadelphia to explain her take on how dogs determine their bestest, most favorite person.

"What it comes down to for all dogs is they decide their very favorite family member by who gives the most consistent, high-quality attention, play, and physical affection: ear rubs, scratches, that sort of thing. Dogs get positive associations from being around people who consistently provide positive experiences, including treats, meals, play that they enjoy, and remember also that early association in those first six months can influence who a dog may like better later on," she tells the outlet.

Rover backs up Erickson's claim that the first six months are crucial in determining who will become the dog's favorite person later in life. The website says, "Many dogs bond hardest to whoever cares for them during their key socialization period, which occurs between birth and six months." However, they later note that dogs can still be socialized appropriately even as adults.

The dog-sitting website also explains that it's not uncommon for people who are not the dog's primary caregiver to be their favorite person. Pointing out that physical affection is vital to dogs, if the mailman gives out head scratches daily but the owner doesn't, the mailman may become the dog's favorite person. While physical affection and treats go a long way for some pooches, those aren't the only things that get puppy eyes melting with love.

dogs; dogs favorite; dog's best friend; pets; people and pets; rescue animals Joyful moments with furry friends! 🐶❤️Photo credit: Canva

"While positive experiences play a big role, a dog’s favorite person isn’t always just the one holding the treat bag. Dogs also respond to emotional connection, tone of voice, and even body language. Their preferences are shaped by a mix of familiarity, trust, and how well a person understands their needs," explains Elle Vet Sciences. They later add, "Dogs also take emotional cues from us. If a person is stressed, loud, or inconsistent, a dog may be less likely to form a deep bond with them. On the other hand, someone who offers reassurance and stability often earns the title of 'favorite' without even realizing it."

In short, if you want to be your dog's bestie, being consistent with affection, actions, and even training and grooming will get you there a lot faster than treats alone. Dogs aren't trying to be persnickety; just like humans, they enjoy being around people who show them that they enjoy their company—and maybe some treats.

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Jane Goodall leaves behind hope and a survival guide to get through trying times

She offered four solid reasons to stay hopeful.

US Mission Uganda/Wikimedia

Jane Goodall leaves behind hope and survival guide for trying times

Jane Goodall was a wildlife conservationist, zoologist, and anthropologist. Her incredible career spanned multiple decades, resulting in the scientific community and animal lovers alike having a deeper, more thorough understanding of chimpanzees. The conservationist is most famous for living amongst the Gombe National Park (previously Gombe Stream Game Reserve) in Tanzania.

The anthropologist's approach to wildlife conservation was solidified when she founded the Jane Goodall Institute, where she expanded her work to include global advocacy "for human rights, animal welfare, species and environmental protection, and many other crucial issues," according to the institute's website. In their long tribute to Dr. Goodall, the institute reveals that the scientist dreamed about writing books about her work with animals since she was a child. A dream that came true, as the now late conservationist authored over 25 books.

Jane Goodall; hope; surviving trying times; survival guide; chimpanzees; Jane Goodall Institute Smiling woman with grey hair and blue shirt.Nikeush/Wikimedia

Goodall passed away from natural causes in October 2025 while on a speaking tour. She was 91 years old and still extremely involved in the work that has defined her life. While the humanist wrote books for children and adults, her final book, written in 2021 with Douglas Abrams and Gail Hudson, was left behind as a reminder of hope in hard times. The Book of Hope: A Survival Guide for Trying Times just might be one of the most treasured gifts one human can leave for humanity. It's fitting that Goodall helped author it.

Within the pages of the book, Goodall lists four reasons for hope: human intellect, the resilience of nature, the power of young people, and the indomitable human spirit. In the book, Goodall drives home the point that even in the most trying times, hope isn't something that happens blindly.

Jane Goodall; hope; surviving trying times; survival guide; chimpanzees; Jane Goodall Institute Discussion of chimpanzee behavior with an iconic photograph backdrop.World Economic Forum/Flickr

“Hope is often misunderstood. People tend to think that it is simply passive wishful thinking: I hope something will happen but I’m not going to do anything about it. This is indeed the opposite of real hope, which requires action and engagement,” she says.

In response to the back-and-forth dialogue between Goodall and Abrams in the book, Abrams explains the zoologist's approach to hope by adding, "She says that people who wonder how you can have hope in seemingly hopeless situations, like a death camp, confuse hope with idealism. Idealism expects everything to be fair or easy or good. She says it's a defense mechanism not unlike denial or delusion. Hope, she says, does not deny the evil but is a response to it. I was beginning to see that hope was not just wishful thinking. It did take the facts and the obstacles into account, but it did not let them overwhelm or stop us. Certainly, this was true in many seemingly hopeless situations.”

Hope is a theme throughout a lot of Goodall's writings and interviews. When speaking to Democracy Now in 2016, she was asked how one person can make a difference, and her response may help others who feel as if they've been working towards change without reward or results.

"Well, the thing is, it's not about one person. Can they make a difference? Everybody, every day, does make a difference. And if we think about the consequences of the choices we make, what we buy, what we eat, what we wear, and we start making the right ethical choices, then when that's multiplied by a thousand, a million, a billion, several billion times, and we see the world moving towards change. So the most important thing is to give people hope."

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There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.


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Joy

People share words they inexplicably love, and it's a beautiful way to boost your vocabulary

Some words are simply pure joy to say, like onomatopoeia.

Image via Canva/Zinkevych

People share their absolute favorite words.

Without words, communicating with each other would be a lot more difficult. According to Merriam Webster, there are estimated to be about one million words in the English language (although there is no official count).

Some words are simply pure joy to say, like onomatopoeia—words that are a vocal imitation of the sound they are associated with it, such as "buzz" or "hiss." While other words hold special meaning or a silly backstory, some words can make you physically cringe.

Over on Reddit, linguistics lovers and grammar enthusiasts created a rich conversation delving into words that just hit. Here are 43 words that they absolutely adore:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Everybody has a favorite word. I have 2. Falafel & wicker. Just because they're fun to say." - AngelicDaemon420

"Onomatopoeia because of it's cadence and the idea of a word sounding like the thing it describes. It's like poetry in my ears." - MuckleRucker3

"I could never pick just one. There's like a top 10 or top 20. Some of them are starling, decanted, apoplectic, crestfallen, hubris." - rgtgd

"Scallywag and crocodilian are two of my favorite words. Also, the name Talleyrand is also great." - Hoppy_Croaklightly

"Cahoots." - looking4truffle

"Spleen and squeegee. They're both just fun." - scipio0421

"Indubitably and brouhaha." - lucidwrld4

"Mellifluous. Mellifluous means flowing like honey, Latin origin." AshevilleRen, Pristine-Pen-9885

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Petrichor. I just find it so niche and precise." - dreamrock

"Facetious and abstemious because they both have all the vowels, in order. But I also like discombobulated, just because." - Horror_Bake4106

"When I was a teenager, my favorite word was spaghettification (what they believe happens inside a black hole). Now I lean towards onomatopoeia." - illizzilly

"Murmuration and defenestrate, for both the way they sound and their meanings." - jeekle

"Plethora. It means a lot to me." - Fosad

"Entendre, it just flows nicely. Also a fan of juxtaposition for the same reasons. No meaning, simply phonetic." - duh_nom_yar

"Tomfoolery. It's just so old-timey, as in 'what manner of tomfoolery is this?' And it has never become trendy again..." - AuNaturellee

"Skedaddle makes me laugh when I say it. Schadenfreude.... I love German words." - Royal_Ad_6026

skedaddle, skedaddle gif, you better skedaddle, skedaddling, skedaddle funny skedaddle gif Giphy

"Defenestration! Because of course we need a specific term for being shoved out a window. Also sphygmomanometer, but medical terms seem like cheating." - aequorea-victoria

"Vapid, it just sounds vicious when used. Cacophony is another fun one to say. My all-time favorite to say is French for butterfly- papillon." - Familiar-Year-3454

"Serendipity and tranquil/tranquility. They both sound like exactly what they mean." - nutcracker_78

"Overmorrow. The day after tomorrow." - isobel-foulplay

"Rancor. It always sounds so badass when people say it." User Unknown

"Phosphorescent. It’s a shame you can’t work it into many conversations." - jnadols1

"I like how awkward 'awkward' looks." - Etherbeard

awkward, awkward gif, awkward word, awkward word, awk, awks Awkward Ed Helms GIF by The Office Giphy

"Luxuriate is a great verb with a great vibe :D." - LittleNanaJ

"I love the word 'dialectic'—both pronunciation and meaning." - Jedi_Temple

"Tintinnabulation. I remember learning this in junior high when we read Poe’s The Bells. It’s a great descriptor. His use of words to so clearly describe each type of bell fascinated young me. Tintinnabulation was a word I had never seen before. And since back in the dark ages we had to read aloud in class and memorize poems this word fascinated me. I fell in love with poetry because of this word." - ReadNapRepeat

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Dudes get real about why it feels 'embarrassing' to give flowers, and it's eye-opening

More conversations like this, please.

Photo credit: Canva

Maybe it's not just men being lazy.

“I hate giving flowers because of how it makes me feel.”

This was a confession recently given by a man (Safe Elghorab) which turned into a very vulnerable, yet very insightful—not to mention very healthy—conversation about the connection between affection and masculinity.

“How does it make you feel? Let's talk about it!” responded his friend Yaqoub Adiver, a content creator who also posted the video.

“Just always ask why,” chimed in the third friend, Chui, from offscreen.

@yaqoubadiver A moment of introspection with @Safe Elghorab @Chui⭐️ @Chui2.0 #flowerarrangement #deepconversations #withtheboys #yaqoubadiver #somalitiktok ♬ original sound - Yaqoubadiver

Elghorab then dived in, sharing how it feels “embarrassing” and totally unfamiliar since growing up, he never received flowers as a token of appreciation. Typically speaking, that’s a gift only bestowed upon girls.

“We didn't grow up with that type of love and affection,” Adiver affirmed, adding that now, in adulthood, it feels “out of character” to then go and show love in a way they were never taught exists.

“This ain't love for me,” he said.

Practical, basic necessities, on the other hand, like food, shelter, and clothes, feel “normal” and familiar. Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab discussed how food in particular, especially in POC communities, was a vital love language.

“That's the way of showing love or appreciation to someone coming into your home. Or even, within our cultures, if you're going to someone else's home, you usually bring something to share. That's the way of showing love for us in our culture,” said Chui.

That said, Elghorab didn’t hesitate to hold out a bouquet to Chui and tell his friend, “I got this type of love for you though.”

men, mens health, flowers, psychology, conversations, vulnerability, confessions, relationships A man hold flowersPhoto credit: Canva

It didn’t take long for this video to go viral on TikTok, with tons of people commending Chui, Adiver, and Elghorab for being able to have such an open and honest conversation.

“This is the kind of conversation men need to keep having with each other.”

“This is healthy masculinity 👏🏻”

“THE BOYS ARE HEALING 🥹🥹🥹”

“This is community. THIS IS BOYS BEING BOYS. These are the type of relationships I had growing up and they helped shape me into a man and I’ll never forget those relationships ❤️

Another viewer said, “Let’s talk about the fact that there’s a group of young men preparing flowers and talking about it. Not just grabbing a random bouquet from a grocery store and giving it no thought. Appreciate you!!” making a nod to an age-old complaint among women.

@bannersbysofia #bf #fyp #flowers ♬ original sound - Bannersbysofia

However, keeping the previous conversation in mind, maybe it’s not that “no thought is given,” and rather, it’s just unfamiliar territory.

It’s clearly inspiring and refreshing to a lot of people that more and more men are getting vulnerable in this way. Not only because it gets them in touch with their feelings (a practice not commonly encouraged even a generation ago) but also offers the women in their life a new level of insight. Both factors encourage more understanding and compassion, which something the world desperately needs right now.

At a time when so many people raising young men are concerned about "redpilling," toxic masculinity, and reverting back to truly troubling patriarchal views in search of belonging, it’s comforting to know that not all hope is lost.

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