Should this dad be mad his wife refers to him as 'Steve' when talking to their kids?
Is it disrespectful?

A dad is looking for a little more respect at home.
The title of dad or father is a sweet and respectful way to acknowledge a child's special bond with their male parent. It signifies love and respect and shows appreciation for his role in their life. But the title works both ways. The term dad reminds fathers of the responsibility to guide and protect their kids.
The importance of the unique role dads play in their kids’ lives is why a father named Steve was upset with his wife for repeatedly using his first name when referring to him with their preteen children.
The father vented about the situation and asked if he was wrong in a Reddit post with over 10,000 responses.
“My wife recently started using my first name when referring to me to our preteen kids, as in ‘Steve's gonna pick you up from school tomorrow,’” the father wrote on Reddit’s AITA forum. “I asked her not to when I first heard it, saying I don't really like when you use my first name to the kids. Can you say ‘your dad’ or ‘dad’?”
The mother initially replied, “Steve is your name, I don’t see the problem,” but later came to his way of thinking. The problem for Steve was that she didn’t stop the habit altogether. She continued to refer to him as Steve and after he brought it up again, she gave a relatively weak apology.
“It's totally subconscious. It's not like I mean to,” the wife responded. “You're probably going to have to remind me again like 50 times.”
The husband was upset that he got such a wishy-washy response to his request. “That's not really acceptable,” he told her. “If you hear me and respect my wishes, it doesn't need an excuse or hedging; you can just say OK.” The wife got upset and doubled down, saying she “can't control” referring to him by his first name while talking to the children. He ended the conversation by saying he’s “sure” she will “try” to stop but feels sure the issue will crop up again.
Is he wrong to have a problem with his wife referring to him as Steve in front of their kids?
“She's spent all this time referring to you as ‘dad,’ but now it's Steve and she says it's subconscious and she can't help it? That's not how people's brains work. I get that it's now a habit, and perhaps it is very hard for her to remember, but that does not explain why she started in the first place," godsonlyprophet responded to the post.
Some saw something nefarious about the mother's behavior.
“My immediate reaction is she is distancing herself from you and trying to lessen/remove you from co-parenting. That something is definitely not right here,” Airable_Sun_5891 wrote.
Some people said he should give his wife a break.
"It is completely natural to momentarily slip up and not call you by your title of ‘dad’ and call you by your given name. You’re lucky she didn’t call you by another family member’s name because have you heard of the phenomenon where we mix up the names of people we love," Expensive-Lie1127 wrote.
The overall thoughts of the commenters were that the wife should do her best to refer to Steve as the dad in front of the kids because that is the title he prefers. It shows respect as a co-parent and spouse and is an excellent example for the kids. Respect is the foundation of a good marriage; when it starts to wane, it can open up a complex set of problems.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.