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Female neuroscientist recalls the time she was hilariously mansplained her own paper.

"I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain...I. Am. Stanton."

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Doctor receives unsolicited advice on a paper for which she was the author.

Mansplaining is not a science, but an art. It's when a man explains to a woman what she actually means. It comes with the assumption that the speaker doesn't know what she's talking about, even if she's literally an expert in the field. And it's annoying AF.

Dr. Tasha Stanton, an associate professor of clinical pain neuroscience at the University of South Australia, encountered a mansplainer at an Australian Physiotherapy Association Conference. Her experience is pretty relatable, even if you don't have "Dr." in your title.

After talking with a man, he, unsolicited, told Stanton she should read a paper. A paper that she wrote. "Friends at conferences – please do not assume that the people that you talk to do not know anything. I just got told that I should read what Stanton et al found about pain," she posted on Twitter. "I. Am. Stanton." Mic. Drop.

The man had no idea who he had been talking to. Stanton said she knows she can't expect someone to know what she looked like based on seeing her name on a paper. However, she should be able to expect that the person she's talking to treats her like someone who knows her stuff. "Just to be clear: I would never expect people to know what I look like! The more hilarious part of this was that the earlier part of the conversation had more of a condescending tone with recommendations of what I should read, which happened to be MY paper," she wrote.

Stanton said he was "visibly shocked. There was an "awkward silence" and "some attempted backpedaling." But Stanton took it in good stride. "[W]e both had a laugh. I told him that it was a massive compliment that he recommended my paper, that I am glad he enjoyed it and found it useful ... but that in the future he might want to be careful not to assume that other people don't know things ... especially when you are at a conference. We all make mistakes -- I know I certainly have -- but hopefully the message got across."

After Stanton posted her experiences on Twitter, other women chimed in with their own experiences of getting mansplained.

“@Tash_Stanton As a graduate student, I was once standing at my poster, with my name tag on, and was basically asked when "Swann" would be coming. When I said I was "Swann" the person said "Oh, from your work I thought you would be a man." He didn't seem the least bit troubled or embarrassed.”

Stanton said it's important to speak up when someone cuts you off by saying, "Well, actually…" It's the only way we can grow. "It's really important to be able to stand up and call it as it is because that's not a great way to interact with someone at a conference," Stanton told Good Morning America. "People will never learn if you don't call it out."

Why should someone refrain from mansplaining? If anything, it's just good manners. "It's not about trying to be the smartest or showing anyone up. It's literally about connection and the best way you're going to connect with someone is by actually asking questions about them. ... that can result in an amazing collaboration that you might never have thought!" Stanton told GMA. "Don't be that guy."

It is astounding that this many women were able to chime in with their own experiences of being told to read something they wrote. The only silver lining to this story is that the mainsplainer didn't chime in with, "Well actually, what happened was…"

This article originally appeared on 10.31.19


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A 3-word method can help you make relaxed small talk that doesn't feel like an interview

Injecting some personality can make things a lot more fun.

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A man and woman chatting over some wine.

A lot of people are uncomfortable making small talk, but it’s an essential skill that can make or break your love life, career, and social experiences. Many people believe that being good at chatting with others is something innate, but those who excel at it work at their craft and pick up small tips along the way to become better communicators.

One of the tricks that all great communicators know is that you will be more likable when you're more interested than interesting. Study after study shows that people love talking about themselves, and if you ask people more questions, they will like you a lot more than if you did all the talking. So, how do we do this without creating a one-sided conversation where your conversation partner learns nothing about you? The folks at the Science of People have shared the statement-plus question technique.

The statement-plus technique

“One of the smoothest ways to keep conversation flowing is to share a brief personal statement followed by a question,” the Science of People writes. “This technique accomplishes two things: it gives the other person information about you (making you seem more approachable and interesting) while also redirecting focus to them.”

small talk, conversation, office party, people talking, wine Coworkers having a nice conversation.via Canva/Photos

Here are some examples:

Instead of asking “What do you do for work?” say:

“I’m a writer for Upworthy, and I enjoy seeing my work read by millions of people. What excites you about your job?”

Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” try:

“I live in Long Beach, California, and it’s really nice living by the ocean. What do you love the most about where you live?”

Instead of asking, “How do you know the person who threw the party?” say:

“I met Sarah at a church meeting seven years ago. Do you remember the first time you met her?”

These questions enable you to discuss yourself while maintaining the focus on the other person. They are also open-ended, so you don’t just get a one-word answer. You learn their job and what excites them about it. You know where they live, and they get to brag about what they like about the city. The technique also broadens the conversation because, according to the psychological phenomenon known as reciprocal self-disclosure, people are more likely to disclose things about themselves after you share something about yourself.

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What is reciprocal self-disclosure?

“The most likely result of your self-disclosure is that other people will do the same. In the field of communication, we refer to this as 'reciprocity.' When you share information about yourself, the most likely result is that people will start to disclose a similar type of information from their own lives," communication coach Alexander Lyon says. "In our presentations, we talk about this as a magic wand. Disclosure is the closest thing we have to a magic wand in terms of a concept in communication. When you disclose, other people almost automatically reciprocate."

Ultimately, people love to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity, they will like you more for it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t reveal some aspects of yourself at the same time while keeping the focus on them. The statement-plus question technique allows you to reveal some things about yourself while making the other person feel seen and comfortable telling you more about themselves. It’s sure to elevate your small talk to something more substantial in a relaxed way that doesn’t feel like an interview.

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Man sends colleague a 'bizarre, abusive' email. The reason for it is actually heartwarming.

"Very strong contender for email of the year."

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A cell phone sticks out of a back pocket. A grumpy baby.

The accidental text. The mistaken email. The butt dial. All of these words, for many, create a modern-day panic about which those in the 1800s didn't have to worry. (Unless one sent a letter by a horse who went rogue.)

This particular mishap was shared on LinkedIn by a man named George Sanders, a self-described branding content manager. He begins his post with the following: "Sorry, I have to share this ABUSIVE and BIZARRE email I received from a colleague last night. NO ONE should be spoken to like this in the workplace. And NO ONE should tell you what to eat or threaten you like this.

'What the hell is this?' Correct. I couldn't understand it at first either."

Near the bottom of the post is a transcribed voice email which reads: "Sit down and eat your dinner, no, eat your pork and eat your vegetables or you'll be in big trouble. Eat it or you'll be in trouble."

George Sanders, LinkedIn, butt dial, funny story A man on LinkedIn shares an unfortunate mishap.Photo Credit: George Sanders, LinkedIn

After some digging, they add the following: "The truth is just utterly enchanting. Turns out my colleague accidentally butt-dialed me on Teams when he and his partner were trying to feed their young child. Gloriously, it took a recording and transcript of the conversation and sent it to me in an email, along with an audio attachment. It wasn't until I listened to the audio I actually realized what had happened.

The fact it captured just that perfectly contained snippet—and how strange it was to receive as a work email—is some delightful serendipity.

Veeeery strong contender for Email of the Year™ right here."

There are well over 100 comments and counting. Many focused on the parenting aspect of it all, with one asking, "In the end, did his son get into big trouble?" Another notes how happy they're not in that "no" phase with their child. "So glad I am past this parenting phase. In related news, I discovered my teenager eating a bag of Lucky Charms marshmallows for breakfast recently—only the marshmallows—so there’s that."

lucky charms, cereal, phases, parenting Man eats a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. Giphy, GIF by 60 Second Docs

Others point out how much they appreciate the lightheartedness of the tech world we live in. "The best part of this post was that you didn’t turn it into a manifesto against technology irreparably changing the world we live in. I was expecting a re-hook saying ‘here’s what butt-dialing revealed about leveraging GenAI…’ and was happy it wasn’t there. Great story!"

And this person was merely pleased by the distraction. "Sometimes an update like this pops into your feed unexpectedly. It's not work. But it reminds us all that human interactions are random, possible, and welcome whenever and however they make their way into our lives. Thank you to all who helped to make this happen for me today. giggles"

Butt dials and accidental texts are a very popular subject on Reddit. Some of them are on pretty old threads, as butt-dialing was easier to do on earlier versions of smartphones. In on thread, someone asks, "Any pocket dialing horror stories?" They're met with nearly 2000 answers, so yes…indeed there are.

butt dial, accidental call, mishap, wrong text, phones A woman picks up to realize it's a butt dial. Giphy, GIF by Offline Granny!

One Redditor creates a strong image: "My husband works with heavy machinery. Every pocket dial sounds like some kind of epic battle between lumberjacks and a Velociraptor/blender hybrid."

Sometimes it happens at the absolute worst times. "I pocket dialed a girl that I was semi-involved with while I was taking a piss. And it was the longest piss of my life. I didn't realize it while I was doing it. She called me later that night and was like, 'Did you really just call me to piss?' It was extremely embarrassing, but we still laugh about it."

My own personal pocket dial story is truly out of a horror film. At around 2:15 a.m., I received a call from my friend Gary. Concerned, I picked up and heard voices screaming, "Give me all your cash," followed by swear words. I called Gary's landline (we all still had them at the time), and he answered, thankfully. He then proceeded to tell me that he had been robbed at gunpoint earlier in the evening—and the ROBBERS must have pocket-dialed me.

Not as sweet as feeding a baby, but nonetheless. Time to put those smartphones on password protected locks...just in case.

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Happiness researcher explains how making a 'reverse bucket list' can change your life

Counterintuitive in our culture, but effective.

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.

bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

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"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

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Doctor reveals the surprising reason why freezing bread actually makes it healthier

This lesser known kitchen hack is the best thing since sliced bread.

Photo credit: Canva

Turns out a non-waste hacks is also good for our heath.

Many people freeze their bread to make it last longer and prevent waste without ever realizing they’re giving themselves an added health benefit. As UK-based surgeon Dr. Karan Rangarajan explained on TikTok, “If you take a slice of white bread and then freeze it, and then defrost it and toast it again, you could lower the glycemic index of the bread by almost double.”

When bread is frozen, the starches inside undergo a chemical process called retrogradation, causing them to become more compact and crystalline.

When this happens, those digestible starches become resistant starches, which don’t get digested in the small intestine, and instead move to the large intestine to be digested by our “good” gut bacteria. In this way, the resistant starches act more like prebiotics. Think of the money you’ll save on fiber supplements!

@dr.karanr Kitchen hacks
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While this doesn’t significantly reduce calories (boo), the resulting benefits can include better blood sugar levels, a controlled appetite, a healthier gut microbiome, a reduced risk of colon cancer, improved digestion, and even lower cholesterol levels.

And this hack isn’t just for white bread. You can also try it on rice, pasta, and other similar dishes.

Is toasting bread healthier for you?

Furthermore, freezing followed by toasting white bread can be a glycemic-lowering double whammy, according to studies. This is a byproduct of the Maillard reaction, a fancy name for the crispy, browning process that naturally occurs when heat meets protein, sugar, or starch. It’s what gives us the crunchy, nutty, savory goodness we know and love.

This sounds like good news for folks who are fans of directly freezing, defrosting, and toasting white bread, and science seems to support that theory further.

Should you freeze and toast bread?

One study (albeit with a small sample size) involved ten healthy adults who sampled both homemade and store-bought white bread prepared in four ways: fresh, frozen, then defrosted, and toasted, or toasted after freezing and defrosting.

Researchers discovered that fresh bread had the most significant effect on blood sugar levels, while the other methods significantly reduced the blood sugar response. Freezing followed by toasting held the highest score in this regard.

However, neither toasting nor freezing magically turns white bread toast into a fat-burning superfood. These improvements are quantifiable, but slight in the grand scheme of things. Meaning that the freeze-toast method becomes moot, followed by gobs of syrup or other sugary fix-ins. It also goes without saying that opting for whole-grain bread nearly eliminates the need for this strategy if health is our goal.

Still, little things like this, primarily when we intentionally aim for a truly balanced diet, do add up. If nothing else, let this be a reminder that if you are a bread-lover (and let’s be honest, who isn’t?), there are healthy ways to incorporate it into your routine.

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The surprising best temperature for drinking water, according to experts

There's not just one answer.

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Could you be more effective with your water intake?

Here’s something we all know but rarely think about: 75% of the human body is made up of water. Essentially, we’re water balloons with legs, or whatever the heck Flubber was.

To maintain that internal reservoir, humans need to drink 15 cups of water (for men) and 11 cups of water (for women) daily. It doesn’t take a math whiz to realize that’s a lot of water. To put that into perspective, according to the Omni Calculator (a great online tool that determines a person’s total body water volume using a formula developed by Dr. P.E. Watson), beloved character actor Steve Buscemi is currently carrying around 83.74 pounds of water in his body, or approximately 10 gallons.

But what if you’ve been drinking water, that sweet elixir of life, all wrong? Or, at the very least, ineffectively? Just as every plant has its ideal growing conditions, according to doctors and medical professionals, the temperature of the water we drink matters a lot more than you might think.

Room-temperature, ice-cold and straight from the fridge, slightly warm for no reason at all: when it comes to drinking water, everyone has their own unique methods of getting the job done. But while we continue to chug our preferred water temperatures without question, we might be missing out on some serious health benefits—or even causing ourselves unnecessary discomfort.

Medical experts have discovered that water temperature, when used at the right time, can significantly improve your wellbeing, affecting everything from how we digest our food to how well we perform during workouts. All water hydrates, but the temperature at which you drink it can make all the difference.

Room-temperature water is your digestive system's best friend

water, temperature, drinking, h20, health, wellness A woman drinking room-temperature water. Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

When to drink

Good morning! Many dieticians and wellness experts recommend drinking room-temperature water (about 68°F) first thing in the morning to gently activate your gastrointestinal tract (It also promotes regular bowel movements, FYI). This gentle approach is often referred to as “Japanese water therapy,” and encourages sipping 4-5 glasses (about ¾-cup each) upon waking then waiting 45 minutes before breakfast. It’s also great for everyday hydration, since room-temperature water is often easier to gulp.

Why it works

"In Chinese medicine we advocate drinking warm water because of its effect on the digestive system," Dr. Jill Blakeway, a licensed doctor of acupuncture and Chinese medicine, explains. “Drinking cold water can congeal the fats in food and because of that can make the digestive system sluggish."

Your body absorbs room-temperature water more easily, causing minimal disruption to the digestive system, making it the go-to option for sensitive stomachs.

Ice-cold water is perfect for workouts and hot days

water, temperature, drinking, h20, health, wellness A glass of water with ice. Photo Credit: Cottonbro Studio/Pexels

When to drink

This one is for the athletes and fitness gurus: Cold water (around 41°F from the fridge or 60°F from the tap) is your new best friend. Like a refreshing summer breeze, cold water has a natural way of cooling the body down during or after an exercise. It also gives your metabolism a tiny boost: according to research, your body expends about five calories per ounce of ice while warming the water to body temperature.

Why it works

Studies show that drinking cold water triggers a special reflex that helps you to stop sweating sooner, effectively lowering your core temperature and enhancing overall performance.

“It turns out that sweating stops before fluid can completely be incorporated into the body,” says gastroenterologist Dr. Brian Weiner. “There’s some kind of reflex that acknowledges liquid intake, and studies have shown that it kicks in more at the cold tap water level.”

Hot water soothes what ails you

water, temperature, drinking, h20, health, wellness A woman drinks hot water. Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

When to drink

Hot water (130-160°F) can be incredibly soothing when you’re under the weather. So, if you’re feeling congested or battling a sore throat, a nice mug of hot water might be just what the doctor ordered. A 2008 study found that hot drinks work like a natural remedy, providing quick, lasting relief from runny noses, coughing, sore throats, and fatigue.

Why it works

Like a warm summer rain, hot water creates steam that helps clear sinus congestion, while its pacifying warmth relaxes the gastrointestinal and digestive muscles. In fact, a small study showed that warm water worked wonders for patients recovering from surgery, improving their comfort and digestive health.

Warm or hot water can also literally melt away stress, as long as temperatures are kept comfortably warm: water above 160°F can scald your esophagus or damage your taste buds.

When to avoid certain water temperatures

water, temperature, drinking, h20, health, wellness This goes beyond personal preference.Photo Credit: Maurício Mascaro/Pexels

  • Migraines. Do not drink cold water! Research from 2001 found that the refreshing drink can trigger—or even exacerbate—headaches in those who are already prone to them.
  • Achalasia. If your esophagus is compromised, cold water can worsen symptoms. Try swapping in warm water instead, which can help soothe and relax the lower esophageal sphincter.
  • Hot, sweaty days. Surprisingly, despite what old wives’ tales might say, warm water can actually make you feel less thirsty, which registered dietician Vanessa Rissetto warns "can be dangerous on days when your body is losing water through sweating to try to keep cool."

We all know drinking water is important, but just as a garden thrives with the right care at the right time, you can optimize and customize that all-essential water you drink throughout the day. Whether that’s out of a Stanley tumbler, Owala water bottle, or Yeti flask, is up to you.

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.

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