In the 17th century, the wealthy people of Scotland would escape to the small town of Moffat for its healing sulfurous springs. Today, people appreciate Moffat for another kind of healing escape…into darkness.
That’s right. The healing power of the dark of night is a thing, not only for people but for the planet.
If you’ve ever had the bounty of sitting out under the stars far away from city lights, you know how magical it can be to gaze at the night sky, but there are benefits to natural darkness that go far beyond enjoying the aesthetic beauty of space. That’s the premise behind Dark Sky Communities.
Moffat became an official Dark Sky Community in 2016 after it invested in changing the town’s lighting to prevent light pollution. Now it’s an ideal place for stargazing, with a community observatory housing a state-of-the-art telescope and townspeople dedicated to preserving the night sky. Moffat was one of the first Dark Sky Communities in Europe and is one of just 38 around the world as of January 2023.
What exactly is a Dark Sky Community and why does it matter?
The International Dark-Sky Association (IDA) began designating places around the world, from natural environments to cities and towns, as Dark Sky Places in 2001 as a way of recognizing “excellent stewardship of the night sky.” Dark Sky Places preserve and protect the dark through responsible lighting policies and public education about the importance of reducing light pollution. A Dark Sky Community is a legally organized city or town that adopts outdoor lighting ordinances that reduce light pollution and undertakes efforts to educate residents about the importance of dark skies.
Darkness matters—a lot. Not only does light pollution make it harder to see the beauty of the night sky, but it also has a negative effect on wildlife and ecosystems. Many animals, from insects to migratory birds to nocturnal animals rely on the natural rhythm of sunlight and darkness, and artificial light can disrupt their natural behaviors, sometimes to deadly effect. Light pollution also has a detrimental impact on plants, disrupting the circadian rhythm of certain pollinators and leading to reduced plant-pollinator interactions.
Too much artificial light at night can impact human health as well, as light messes with our own circadian rhythms. It’s also just a waste of energy when lights are left on unnecessarily. The IDA estimates that around 30% of outdoor lighting is wasted, just in the U.S. alone. The Artificial Light at Night (ALAN) Research Literature Database provides a wealth of scientific literature on all aspects of artificial light at night research.
But as much as science tells us about the importance of reducing light pollution, there’s also what the IDA refers to as our “night sky heritage.”
The night sky has inspired scientists and poets alike throughout human history. Canva
The IDA website explains:
“Until recently, for all of human history, our ancestors experienced a sky brimming with stars—a night sky that inspired science, religion, philosophy, art and literature, including some of Shakespeare’s most famous sonnets.
The natural night sky is our common and universal heritage, yet it’s rapidly becoming unknown to the newest generations.
Van Gogh painted his famous “Starry Night” in Saint Rémy, France, in 1889. Now, the Milky Way can no longer be seen from there. If he were alive today, would he still be inspired to paint “Starry Night”?
Experiencing the night sky provides perspective, inspiration, and leads us to reflect on our humanity and place in the universe. The history of scientific discovery and even human curiosity itself is indebted to the natural night sky.
Without the natural night sky we could not have:
Navigated the globe
Walked on the Moon
Learned of our expanding universe
Discovered that humans are made of stardust”
Our relationship with natural darkness is both practical and poetic, but in a world full of lights and screens, most of us probably don’t it as much thought or care as we should. That’s the whole purpose of naming and certifying Dark Sky Places.
The IDA shares that as of January 2023, there are 201 certified Dark Sky Places in the world, including 115 Parks, 38 Communities, 20 Reserves, 16 Sanctuaries, 6 Urban Night Sky Places, and 6 Dark Sky Friendly Developments of Distinction.
You can find the list of Dark Sky Communities here and an interactive map of all official Dark Sky Places here.
Let’s all do our part to turn off lights and limit light pollution for the good of people and our planet.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
Children are all naturally born scientists, with an incredible curiosity about the world around them. As adults, our job is to foster that spark so they can carry it throughout their lives.
“Kids are sources of chaos and disorder. Get over that fact,” science communicator Neil deGrasse Tyson said on the Impact Theory podcast. “Where does the disorder come from? It’s because they are experimenting with their environment. Everything is new to them, everything. Your job is less to instill curiosity than to make sure you don’t squash what is already there.”
Another job we have as adults is to make sure children are learning science correctly, which is why a toddler’s pajama shirt featuring the solar system is going viral on Reddit. It seems nobody at the clothing manufacturer took the time to review the science behind the graphic. In fact, it’s safe to say most kids as young as six could easily spot the flaws in the PJs.
Jupiter appears on the shirt as spotted, rather than striped as it does through a telescope. Although it’s known for its Great Red Spot, here it looks more like a strawberry.
Saturn appears spotted, like a chocolate chip cookie, rather than banded as it does in real life.
Neptune, a giant ice planet, is shown as cratered, like Mercury.
Mercury, conversely, is shown as a black-and-blue striped planet, more like Neptune.
Uranus is shown as the largest planet in the graphic, but in reality, it is about the same size as Neptune.
This is total conjecture, but it seems the graphic designer may have mislabeled Mercury as Neptune and Neptune as Mercury.
Reddit commenters also pointed out the questionable font, noting that the “o,” with its cursive-style tail, makes the word “moon” look like “Meeh.” And, to get super nitpicky, if this is meant to be an unbiased look at the solar system, why is there only one moon on the shirt when there are hundreds in our solar system, depending on how they’re defined?
The PJs’ astronomically incorrect design even bothered those in the scientific community.
“As a professional science communicator who works a lot with space at this age group, I am disappointed to see an adult get something wrong that any 6-year-old in the U.K. would correct,” Dr. Mark Gallaway told Newsweek.
Although the shirt may be wrong in many ways, it could be a blessing in disguise. The parent who purchased these PJs now has an opportunity for a teachable moment. They can take the pajamas and compare them to the actual solar system to see where the designer got things right or wrong. It’s also a chance to bring up one of the sad truths about the universe: Pluto isn’t among the PJ planets, because it was demoted. Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Procrastination is more common than some might think. In fact, according to an article by Forbes senior contributor Bryan Robinson, more than 78 percent of working people procrastinate even though “it makes them anxious.” Some think it’s due to laziness, while others believe the anxiety itself creates a loop: they’re too anxious to get a task done, but not getting it done makes them even more anxious.
However, one theory behind why people procrastinate turns the whole “laziness” argument on its head.
Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist, shares a fascinating idea. In a comment attached to a clip posted on Instagram, he offers an entirely different view: “Procrastination is rarely about laziness or poor time management. It is more often something much more subtle. If I finish this, then what? If the pile disappears, who am I without it?”
He explains how having something that still needs to be tackled can feel like “proof” that we matter.
“Unfinished tasks can start to feel like proof that we’re busy, needed, in motion. They create a kind of background hum of identity. As long as something is pending, we’re still becoming. Still almost there.”
The fear of not existing
In the video, Hanson says people procrastinate “even when there are no obstructions to completing something, because sometimes they’re kind of afraid, almost at a deep level, that if they complete things, they’ll disappear. There will be almost no more basis for being. It’s the incomplete cycles in their life—the unfinished tasks, the various piles here or there—that almost give them a sense of psychological substance and existence.”
Hanson has ways to address this, and the first is to truly examine your motivations (or seemingly lack thereof).
“Look closely and ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Do I go on existing because I have a number of undone tasks that I’m going to get to tomorrow or eventually? Is that why I keep on existing?’ Well, no. And notice the ways you can go on being. Or you have others you know who complete a lot of things, and they continue to exist just fine and really, quite happily.”
He says we must rewrite our inner monologue.
“Gradually realize for yourself, ‘Oh, I can complete these various tasks. And they then disappear from my life, understandably. I took care of it. And I’m still here, having a good time. And getting ready to accomplish the next important thing.’”
Upworthy spoke with Cort M. Dorn-Medeiros, a professional counselor and addiction specialist, who first noted that there are many real reasons people might procrastinate.
“Fear of failure, doubts about self-worth, perfectionist tendencies, emotional avoidance, and potential diagnoses such as attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).”
That said, he does give credence to Hanson’s idea as well.
“We have strong cultural messaging that if we are not doing something, if we are not being productive, then we are not useful. All of our human value lies in the ‘doing’ rather than the ‘being.’ A lot of this is derived from Internet-based hustle culture, where speed is prioritized above all else. Do more, make more money, and do it faster and faster.
If we are left with nothing to do, then we are left sitting with our own thoughts and feelings. Procrastination is a good way to unconsciously avoid sitting with our feelings. If we are constantly focused on our to-do list and maintain it in a way that prevents progress by crossing things off, we manage our anxiety about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing.’”
Matthew Baker, LCSW, tells Upworthy it’s all about avoidance.
“Procrastination is almost always about avoiding something uncomfortable. For some people, finishing a project is what becomes the problem, not starting it. This is often because the brain gets rewarded from simply planning and organizing, even without actually doing anything. So some people avoid completing tasks because they’re already getting a sense of satisfaction from planning, and finishing means that this dopamine stream just…stops.”
If you never seem to get tired of blasting the same handful of early 2000s songs—maybe the emo tones of My Chemical Romance or something a little more upbeat and ’90s like *NSYNC—it’s not just you.
It’s no longer a mystery why so many of us seem to be “stuck” on the music we listened to as teens. Our musical tastes may evolve over time, and we always have room for new favorites (and a seemingly endless capacity in our brains for catchy lyrics), but there’s something about the songs of our youth that just hits different.
What’s behind the phenomenon
A therapist is going viral for explaining this phenomenon perfectly. It’s not just nostalgia, she says. It’s neuroscience.
Singing along to your teenage throwback songs is good for your brain. Photo credit: Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Nikki Roy is a therapist from Canada who specializes in helping her clients with “self esteem, confidence, identity, emotion work (lots of anger), living authentically, creating a life of alignment, and breaking free from the oppressive systems the world operates on,” according to an interview with CanvasRebel.
She uses her vast social media following to break down big, complex topics in bite-sized ways that can reach and help a lot of people.
Recently, she tackled a concept she calls “neural nostalgia.”
“This is actually really well-researched,” she says in a recent Instagram Reel. “The research found that the music you listen to as an adolescent or teenager actually imprinted on your brain and nervous system differently than music you’ll ever listen to at any other time in your life.”
She goes on to explain that when you’re a teenager, the pathways in your brain are still being built. The blueprint is still being developed, and it can be influenced by the music you listen to regularly. When you’re an adult and hear the music that, quite literally, “built you,” a lot of things come rushing to the surface.
“Dopamine, seratonin, all those things start rushing back,” Roy says. “You literally feel it in your gut. That specific music does something to you.”
According to Marble Wellness, “When we listen to music from our youth, several brain regions become active.” These include:
The hippocampus, where memories are formed and retrieved
The amygdala, which regulates emotions
The prefrontal cortex, which manages complex cognitive behaviors
Reward centers
It’s no wonder that our entire brain and mood can light up just a few notes into one of our favorite throwback songs.
“Music is my safe space”
Roy says she likes to use neural nostalgia as a coping skill in her own life. She uses throwback tunes to boost her mood or process difficult emotions.
“My car and music is my safe space,” she says. “And the music that got you through an especially hard time during that age, is probably always going to hit.”
Fellow Millennials are feeling seen in the comments:
“I have been listening to all the millennial jams lately and it has made my life so much lighter!”
“When ‘it just hits different’ is backed by science”
“When I was a kid I used to wonder why old people prefer to listen to their ‘old’ music when there’s so many good new music to listen to, now as and adult I fully get it”
“yessss, i’ve been catching the sunset by the beach every evening in my ‘95 jeep with the top down blaring 90s R&B & 80s rock. i feel so whole. everything is like a nostalgic hug”
“play your grandparents tunes from their teenage years too. they’ll light up”
Some folks were fascinated by the fact that they could remember the lyrics of songs they hadn’t heard in 20 or 30 years.
“I turned 38 yesterday and listened to the Space Jam soundtrack while I ran errands,” one commenter noticed. “Still knew every word but couldn’t remember my shopping list I wrote 30 mins before.”
Song lyrics stick in our brains and are notoriously easy to remember. Musical melodies act as a “scaffolding” that helps us fill in the blanks, and the way music triggers emotions makes the words more memorable than other pieces of information.
Those songs that imprinted on our brains while they were still developing? Their lyrics are so deeply embedded that they may never leave us, which is pretty incredible.
In fact, this phenomenon may one day be useful for treating Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, and other memory diseases.
More generally, neural nostalgia has a ton of benefits, according to Marble Wellness. Listening to the songs you loved as a teen can boost your mood, reduce stress, and even lessen feelings of loneliness. Even more powerfully, it can connect you to a sense of your authentic self—to who you were before the world shaped you, and to all the versions of yourself that came before and after.
It’s heavy and complicated, but you know it when you feel it.
First impressions mean a lot. When you meet someone new, you’re probably trying to get a feel for who they are—and whether they’re trustworthy. It all comes down to noticing behaviors.
Human behavior expert Chase Hughes explains how to read someone instantly. “Everyone wears some kind of a mask…a persona that I put onto the world,” he says in a YouTube video.
Getting underneath that mask is what truly reveals who someone is and what they’re all about. Hughes explains that people build these masks to conceal shame.
The #1 question to instantly read someone
According to Hughes, there is one important question to keep in mind when trying to read someone: “What does this person want me to feel about them, and what do they want me to notice?”
Hughes notes that this is the beginning of understanding why someone builds a mask based on shame.
“Shame is ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I’m a bad person for doing that. I need to hide it,’” he shares, explaining that shame holds power in today’s culture because it has been institutionalized as a “public weapon.”
The power of shame
Shame creates cognitive dissonance, which Hughes notes is mental discomfort. “Mental discomfort says, ‘I don’t want to be this uncomfortable in front of people.’ That creates a mask,” he says.
Understanding that most people wear a mask—a persona they present to the world—is key. From there, the task is determining how “thick” or “thin” that mask is and what it’s made of.
“If I’m seeing somebody who’s acting like he’s posturing all the time—he’s yelling, he’s puffing his chest out—the mask is usually the opposite of what it’s concealing,” says Hughes. “So I’m seeing a fearful little boy.”
Bumper-sticker alliteration
Hughes gives another example of how to read someone’s mask by comparing it to a car covered in bumper stickers. He tells a story about pulling up behind a car with various bumper stickers that signal aspects of the driver’s identity, from “I Did Yosemite” to marathon stickers to ones that say “I Go Fishing.”
He asks his kids what the stickers say about the driver, and his daughter replies that the person is adventurous. Hughes then asks what else it might mean, and she says it means the person can be trusted and would make a good friend. Hughes then gets to the point: if someone is a good friend, it means they need friends. In other words, that person is lonely.
“The better you get at understanding humans, the more that you’re going to see loneliness, shame, and suffering,” says Hughes. “The way that I deal with loneliness, conceal shame, and anesthetize myself from suffering equals human behavior.”
Reading for self-control
Finally, Hughes notes that another thing to look for when reading a person is their level of self-control, which comes down to whether they are disciplined or not.
To spot it, Hughes says that even if someone is a stranger, they will appear “more predictable in a good way. They’re more likely to be trustworthy because they already discipline themselves. They have self-control.”
He notes that this is important in many areas where relationships matter, including business. If someone lacks self-control, Hughes says he tends to be more cautious around them.
People who choose to be childfree are often the subject of negative stereotypes. They are sometimes called “selfish” because they do not want to dedicate their lives to raising someone else. They may also be described as “cold” or too career-oriented.
People who push them to reconsider (their in-laws, for example) often use scare tactics to get them to reproduce, such as: “Who will take care of you when you get old?”, “Your partner will leave you for someone who wants children,” or “When it’s too late, you’re going to regret your decision.”
To put it simply, childfree people are often portrayed in a negative light. However, a recent study found that an amazingly positive trait lies at the root of choosing to be childfree: openness to experience.
The big takeaway from the study is that the underlying personality trait among childfree people is not selfishness. Instead, they tend to have a strong curiosity about the world, which makes them more likely to travel, explore new ideas, and pursue short-term romantic relationships. Many childfree people want to live a carefree life of adventure and growth. Setting that aside for more traditional pursuits, such as raising children, may feel like too great a sacrifice.
The American Psychological Association defines openness to experience as “a dimension of personality characterized by imagination, creativity, intellectual curiosity, and a preference for novelty and variety.”
Jeffrey Davis, a writer at Psychology Today, calls it “the drive to explore novel aspects of human experience and the willingness to consider perspectives different than your own.”
People high on Openness to Experience have lower reproductive success. Previous research has indicated that individuals with higher levels of the personality trait Openness to Experience tend to have fewer children. Openness to Experience encompasses traits like…
To study how openness to experience affects reproduction, Aleksandra Milić, a graduate student at the University of Pavia, and Janko Međedović, a professor at the Institute of Criminological and Sociological Research in Belgrade, surveyed 1,024 people online, with an average age of 32.3 years. The survey asked whether participants had any children and, if not, at what age they intended to have them. It also asked how many sexual partners they had and how long their longest romantic relationship had lasted.
People who are open to experience have fewer children
“The main takeaway from our findings is that, in our sample, people higher in Openness to Experience tended to have fewer children,” Milić told PsyPost. “Higher Openness was associated with later entry into parenthood, shorter romantic relationships, and less positive motivation to have children, all of which were linked to fewer children.”
The decision to have children can be difficult, especially for women, because the biological window is relatively short and few people want to enter their 50s with regrets. In addition, there is a significant amount of societal pressure and judgment placed on women who choose not to have children.
The good news is that, for those who feel guilty or pressured into having children because they do not want to be seen as selfish, research suggests that selfishness is not the reason at all. Instead, it may simply be that the world is so big, beautiful, and full of opportunities that it would be a waste of a lifetime not to experience as much of it as possible.
Nobody knows how many days they have on this earth, and, in a way, that makes every moment feel more valuable. Since we don’t know how much time we have, it’s best to cherish every moment on this beautifulplanet with the people we love. It’s also a good idea to stay in shape so you can enjoy the greatest longevity possible.
An interesting new study from the University at Buffalo involving 5,000 women cannot tell you the exact number of days you have left. Still, it suggests that after the age of 60, it is relatively easy to determine whether you can look forward to a long life. The study found that a two-step test—in which participants first demonstrate handgrip strength and then complete five consecutive sit-to-stand chair lifts—is a good indicator of longevity.
The study found that women with higher grip strength and faster sit-to-rise scores had a significantly lower risk of death over the next eight years. In fact, for every 15-pound increase in grip strength, mortality risk was reduced by 12%. Women who scored highest on grip strength had a 33% lower risk of death compared with those in the lowest group. For chair stands, moving from the slowest to the fastest time in six-second increments was associated with a 4% lower risk of death.
“If you don’t have enough muscle strength to get up, it is going to be hard to do aerobic activities, such as walking, which is the most commonly reported recreational activity in U.S. adults ages 65 and older,” said study lead author Michael LaMonte, PhD, a research professor of epidemiology and environmental health in UB’s School of Public Health and Health Professions.
Women 63 and up with the strongest grip had a 33% lower risk of death over eight years compared to those with the weakest grip. Grip strength predicted longevity independent of how much women moved each dayhttps://t.co/TpdCkr52lk
“Muscular strength, in many ways, enables one to move their body from one point to another, particularly when moving against gravity,” LaMonte added. “Healthy aging probably is best pursued through adequate amounts of both aerobic and muscle-strengthening physical activities. When we no longer can get out of the chair and move around, we are in trouble.”
How to improve grip strength
Grip strength has come to be seen as an “indispensable” biomarker of aging because it reflects strength in the hands, forearms, and throughout the body. Looking to improve yours? Here are five expert-based ways to boost grip strength:
Use a stress ball
Grab a tennis ball or hand gripper and squeeze as hard as you can for five to 10 seconds, then repeat for 10 to 20 reps.
Seniors can perform dead hangs from a pull-up bar while keeping their feet on the ground or on a bench for 10 to 30 seconds at a time. The goal is to build up to hanging for 60 seconds.
Functional movements
The key is to get some real-world exercise that uses your hands, such as gardening, playing a sport like bowling, or carrying heavy grocery bags.
Eat a lot of protein
Protein supports muscle function and growth, so according to Health, it’s a good idea to eat one gram of protein per pound of body weight per day.
Lift weights
Use free weights such as kettlebells, barbells, or dumbbells to challenge and strengthen your hands. “Even using soup cans or books as a form of resistance provides stimulus to skeletal muscles and could be used by individuals for whom other options are not feasible,” LaMonte said.
We’re all familiar with the feeling of being “trapped” in a conversation. It might be because the other person won’t stop talking long enough for you to get a word in edgewise. Or maybe the topic of conversation just bores us. Worse, perhaps it makes us uncomfortable, and we can’t figure out a good way to change the subject without coming off as rude.
A massive debate on this topic recently unfolded on X. Some users argued that a good conversation should always be interesting and engaging to all parties, while others maintained that showing genuine interest in what others have to say (even if it doesn’t really interest you) is a key element of socializing.
It’s possible that both sides are right. Experts say changing the subject doesn’t have to be curt or selfish.
In fact, a great conversationalist understands that artfully pivoting is the key to maintaining an interaction that’s enjoyable for both parties. The key is understanding both when it’s time to “smile and nod,” and when and how to steer the conversation in a new direction.
Why it feels scary or hard to change the subject
Changing the subject can be harder for some people than for others. Photo credit: Canva
Dr. Kelly Gonderman, a clinical director and licensed clinical psychologist at We Conquer Together, tells Upworthy that changing the subject is one of the social skills her clients struggle with most.
“In my clinical work, the inability to redirect a conversation is rarely about rudeness or poor communication. It’s almost always about anxiety, people-pleasing, or a fear of conflict rooted in early relational experiences,” she says. “The nervous system registers social disapproval as threat, which means steering away from a painful or triggering topic can feel physiologically dangerous even when it’s entirely reasonable.”
Unfortunately, people who have difficulty setting boundaries in conversation may also struggle to maintain boundaries in other areas of their lives.
“They’ve learned that their discomfort is less important than keeping others comfortable,” she says.
Experts give tips and scripts for how to tactfully change the subject
One user on X sparked debate when they suggested a rather blunt and direct shifting of gears: “I’m sorry, it’s not really my thing, I don’t understand the importance of this and I can’t contribute to the conversation.”
It’s a fair and reasonable boundary to hold, but it’s likely to alienate or deflate your conversation partner because it’s missing a few key elements of a great pivot.
Amy Arias, senior lecturer of communications studies at the University of Nevada, Reno, tells Upworthy: “The key to changing the subject tactfully is to acknowledge what the person said before redirecting. People mainly want to feel heard, and once that happens, most conversations can move on naturally.”
Here are a few scripts to try out:
“That’s a good point. It actually reminds me…”
“I hear what you’re saying. Speaking of that…”
“That sounds intense. On a lighter note…”
In each of these instances, you’ve acknowledged the speaker and what they were saying in a positive way before attempting to move the conversation into new territory.
You could also try using humor to deflect the tension around your attempted pivot, with a segue that’s so jarring your conversation partner can’t help but laugh: “Speaking of politics, who’s hungry?”
Arias adds that, no, a good conversation doesn’t always have to be interesting or engaging for both parties all the time. It’s more about reciprocity and making sure each person gets a turn to be heard.
“Good conversation is more about reciprocity and turn-taking than constant fascination,” Arias says. “In healthy conversations, people take turns being the storyteller and the listener, but it’s also okay to redirect when a topic feels draining, awkward, or just not a great fit.”
“Ultimately, changing the subject gracefully is really about reading the room and protecting the flow of the interaction,” she adds. “A thoughtful topic shift isn’t rude, it’s often what keeps conversations comfortable, inclusive, and enjoyable for everyone.”
Why being a great conversationalist goes beyond the script
Gonderman says that, though having a few canned lines up your sleeve can help, being able to confidently redirect a conversation may require deeper work.
“The fix isn’t a script,” she says. “It’s building enough internal safety to trust that your need to redirect is valid.”
That could require something as simple as some breathwork or grounding techniques, or more advanced interventions like therapy to get to the root issues of your social anxiety.
There are a lot of reasons you might not be comfortable continuing a given line of conversation. It could be political, too personal, too taboo, or just plain uninteresting to you. It takes a person who’s quite sure of themselves to use a brief, direct pivot like “I want to shift gears,” “On a different note …,” or even “I’d rather not get into that right now.”
It’s best to acknowledge and make the other person feel heard before pivoting, but some people, well, just won’t take a hint. That’s when more direct methods might be called for.
Human conversations are an incredibly intricate dance. They’re an exchange of information, a building block of relationships, and an emotional back-and-forth all rolled into one. The finer aspects of navigating them tactfully don’t always come naturally to us and sometimes require preparation and practice.
In recent years, women have become more open about what happens leading up to and during menopause. As a result of this public sharing, younger women are learning about a shocking possible side effect of depleted estrogen: the shrinking, and in some cases the disappearance, of the labia.
As our parents prepare us for adulthood, some things slip through the cracks. We learn about puberty, how babies are conceived, and then the conversation stops. One area with a large information-sharing gap is the process of menopause. This lack of information puts both women and the people who love them at a disadvantage. It can leave people confused and frustrated.
Perimenopause, which is the time leading up to menopause, is not a short process. Hormone levels can begin to fluctuate widely as early as a woman’s 30s. At the same time, the average age of menopause is about 51, though it can occur as late as 60, according to the American Medical Association.
The Cleveland Clinic explains that “Menopause is a point in time when a person has gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period.” It is a natural part of the aging process for women, but for decades, if not centuries, the menopausal experience has been shrouded in coded language and silence. Not anymore.
The habit of Millennials seeking community in online spaces is opening the blackout curtains on the taboo subject. This has led to honest conversations about what happens when women go through “the change,” and the revelation about shrinking labia is causing a bit of panic.
Labia are the outer visible anatomy of the female genitalia, consisting of the labia minora and labia majora. This tissue protects the urethra, vaginal opening, and other sensitive areas from infection and friction, Dr. Somi Javaid, OB-GYN and founder of HerMD, tellsThe Flow Space.
So the idea of losing them due to a lack of estrogen has some women calling for a timeout as they try to process this previously unheard-of information. Several of these women took to social media to seek clarity and support.
“So nobody was going to tell me that one day I could lose my coochie lips?” one woman asks in an Instagram video. “That one day, my bean could just decide to clock out for the rest of my life? Why aren’t the older women sharing with us? Why aren’t the elders sharing this with us, cause this lady got on here and said if you start your estrogen early when you first go through menopause, you can save your lips.”
“I just saw this post of this doctor lady explaining that your labia minora grows during puberty, and then you lose it in menopause,” another concerned woman says in a TikTok video. “Come again? You’re telling me…is it…where does it go? Where is it gonna…does it just…I have so many questions. Does it just…one day I’m gonna wake up, and I’m gonna have no labias? Does it slowly disappear?”
These were not the only people concerned. Video after video showed women, and some men, flabbergasted and concerned about the mystery of the disappearing labia. Commenters were equally freaked out. All of this open confusion and fear created a perfect learning opportunity. OB-GYNs, urologists, and other medical professionals took to their own platforms to ease people’s stress about the process.
“So yes, the labia can shrink around menopause, and this is because estrogen levels are dropping, and this affects the tissues. The good thing is, you can prevent it. Start vaginal estrogen really early, as soon as you start to notice any of these changes, and it improves blood flow, elasticity, and lubrication, relieves dryness and soreness.”
Can your labia change around perimenopause and menopause? Yes and no one really talks about it!!! As oestrogen levels drop during perimenopause and menopause, vulval and vaginal tissues can become thinner, drier and lose elasticity. Some women even notice their labia shrinking, which can feel worrying if you’re not expecting it. The good news? Vaginal oestrogen can help. Used early, it supports blood flow, elasticity and lubrication, and can relieve dryness, soreness and discomfort. It’s a safe, local treatment and can be used long-term. If you notice changes, you don’t have to ignore them, support exists 💛 #perimenopause#menopause#HRT#womenshealth#hormones
Doctors and nurses online continue to reassure viewers that, while it sounds scary, vaginal estrogen can prevent it. One urologist explains that after women go through menopause, their estrogen levels are lower than those of men. This drop in estrogen causes structural changes in the labia, which can also lead to adhesions and pain.
“Let’s be clear: you do not lose your labia, but the tissues do undergo significant and visible changes,” says Dr. Mary Claire Haver, a menopause specialist. She adds, “The labia minora may shrink, flatten, or adhere to adjacent tissues. The labia majora can sag or retract due to tissue thinning.” She also says that prescription estrogen is the only way to prevent the issue.
