+
upworthy
Parenting

Mom's hot take on the concept of 'it takes a village' has people nodding in agreement

She's not wrong.

family planning, it takes a village, moms, motherhood, moms of tiktok
@thehindirlanefamily/TikTok

The village comes with a price tag.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” First it was an African proverb, then a mainstream phrase to convey the indisputable fact that raising a child is no solo job. But now, in a time where mothers are left by and large without a community (save for maybe the countless online parent groups), that expression seems synonymous with a bygone era.

But the thing is—while the times have changed, the necessity of support has not. Which leaves many frustrated mothers wondering where to turn.

One mom is going viral for bluntly telling it like it is: The village is still there, but now it comes at a price.

The woman, Chancè Hindirlane, had stitched another mom’s TikTok video urging others to stop telling moms “it takes a village” when they essentially don’t have one.

Hindirlane responded by saying, “What we need to do is start telling mothers that the village is no longer free.” Therefore, part of the family planning process needs to go into building one.

“We need to start telling future mothers to financially plan ahead for their village. Plan ahead for a nanny. Plan ahead for a housekeeper. Plan ahead for a meal prep. Plan ahead for a postpartum care nurse,” she says.

And it’s not just support staff women should be thinking ahead about. They should also be taught from a young age to look for partners who are willing to take on the responsibilities of parenthood and able to divide labor equally.

“We need to start telling future mothers to pick their partner wisely. Not only pick a man who wants kids, but pick a man who also wants to be a father. We need to start telling them to talk about the division of labor super early on in their relationship.”

No, moms are not meant to do it all alone. But in order to get the help they need, Hindirlane attests, they’ll have to adapt with the times. This is perhaps a little daunting, given how expensive the cost of living already is, but it’s still valuable insight and hard to argue with.

Bottom line: There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Or a free village. So plan accordingly.

Hindirlane’s words struck a chord with hundreds of viewers, many of whom had also witnessed this shift.

“I was a nanny/household manager and it really taught me how insane it is to expect a mom to do it alone,” shared one person.

"'The village is not free’ took my breath away. Nothing is truer. Had I known sooner, I absolutely would’ve planned differently,” added another.

One viewer suggested that couples should “cut back on wedding expenses” and instead get counseling as partners for financial planning. Not only is that a solid point but it also illuminates the collective shift away from certain traditions in favor of decisions that feel more practical, partially out of new ways of thinking and partially out of pure necessity.

Of course, one cannot always simply plan their way out of a faulty financial system. Childcare can range from $5,357 to $17,171, depending on the child’s age and where a family lives, despite childcare staff receiving some of the lowest wages in the country.

With each child accounting for 8% and 19.3% of a family’s income, many are simply priced out and many mothers are forced to stay at home because they’d only be working to afford childcare. Clearly not a winning scenario.

While what should be done systematically to improve these conditions for families is a whole ‘nother conversation, it is a good reminder that a thought-out plan is never a bad thing.

True

Making new friends as an adult is challenging. While people crave meaningful IRL connections, it can be hard to know where to find them. But thanks to one Facebook Group, meeting your new best friends is easier than ever.

Founded in 2018, NYC Brunch Squad brings together hundreds of people who come as strangers and leave as friends through its in-person events.

“Witnessing the transformative impact our community has on the lives of our members is truly remarkable. We provide the essential support and connections needed to thrive amid the city's chaos,” shares Liza Rubin, the group’s founder.

Despite its name, the group doesn’t just do brunch. They also have book clubs, seasonal parties, and picnics, among other activities.

NYC Brunch Squad curates up to 10 monthly events tailored to the specific interests of its members. Liza handles all the details, taking into account different budgets and event sizes – all people have to do is show up.

“We have members who met at our events and became friends and went on to embark on international journeys to celebrate birthdays together. We have had members get married with bridesmaids by their sides who were women they first connected with at our events. We’ve had members decide to live together and become roommates,” Liza says.

Members also bond over their passion for giving back to their community. The group has hosted many impact-driven events, including a “Picnic with Purpose” to create self-care packages for homeless shelters and recently participated in the #SquadSpreadsJoy challenge. Each day, the 100 members participating receive random acts of kindness to complete. They can also share their stories on the group page to earn extra points. The member with the most points at the end wins a free seat at the group's Friendsgiving event.

Keep ReadingShow less
Education

3,700-year-old Babylonian stone tablet gets translated, changes history

They were doing trigonometry 1500 years before the Greeks.

via UNSW

Dr. Daniel Mansfield and his team at the University of New South Wales in Australia have just made an incredible discovery. While studying a 3,700-year-old tablet from the ancient civilization of Babylon, they found evidence that the Babylonians were doing something astounding: trigonometry!

Most historians have credited the Greeks with creating the study of triangles' sides and angles, but this tablet presents indisputable evidence that the Babylonians were using the technique 1,500 years before the Greeks ever were.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

Mom’s blistering rant on how men are responsible for all unwanted pregnancies is on the nose

“ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don't believe me? Let me walk you through it."

Mom has something to say... strongly say.

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as Mormons, are a conservative group who aren't known for being vocal about sex.

But best selling author, blogger, and mother of six, Gabrielle Blair, has kicked that stereotype to the curb with a pointed thread on reducing unwanted pregnancies. And her sights are set directly at men.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

Dad takes 7-week paternity leave after his second child is born and is stunned by the results

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

There's a lot to be gleaned from this.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone…while also tending to a newborn.

All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties. Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Democracy!

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.”

This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear—his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

Keep ReadingShow less
Science

She tattooed half her face and you'd never know it. Her skills are just that good.

This incredible medical tattoo technology is giving renewed hope to burn victims.

All images via the CBS/YouTube

Basma Hameed runs a tattoo shop, of sorts...


Meet Samira Omar.

The 17-year-old was the victim of a horrific bullying incident.

Keep ReadingShow less
Images via Alan Taylor/Flickr, used with permission.

Updating the kitchen.


Remember those beloved Richard Scarry books?

Books from when you were a kid?

Keep ReadingShow less
Education

Voice recordings of people who were enslaved offer incredible first-person accounts of U.S. history

"The results of these digitally enhanced recordings are arresting, almost unbelievable. The idea of hearing the voices of actual slaves from the plantations of the Old South is as powerful—as startling, really—as if you could hear Abraham Lincoln or Robert E. Lee speak." - Ted Koppel

Library of Congress

When we think about the era of American slavery, many of us tend to think of it as the far distant past. While slavery doesn't exist as a formal institution today, there are people living who knew formerly enslaved black Americans first-hand. In the wide arc of history, the legal enslavement of people on U.S. soil is a recent occurrence—so recent, in fact, that we have voice recordings of interviews with people who lived it.

Keep ReadingShow less