A mom complained about Highlights magazine showing kids in masks. Their response was perfect.
We’re heading into year three of the COVID-19 pandemic, and we’re all ready to be done. That doesn’t mean we are done, of course. The virus and its various mutations don’t give a flying fig how we feel, and with a new variant knocking on our door, we’re still knee deep in mitigation measures to…
We’re heading into year three of the COVID-19 pandemic, and we’re all ready to be done. That doesn’t mean we are done, of course. The virus and its various mutations don’t give a flying fig how we feel, and with a new variant knocking on our door, we’re still knee deep in mitigation measures to try to keep our healthcare system from sinking. That means vaccines, limiting group gatherings and, of course, masking in public places.
It’s hard to believe that there are still anti-maskers at this point in a viral pandemic, but here we are. And not only do some of these folks not want to wear masks, they don’t even want to see people wearing masks.
A mom on Twitter even went so far as to call out the popular children’s magazine Highlights for including illustrations that show children wearing masks. Bethany Mandel shared a photo of a page of the magazine that showed a child playing the piano on a stage and kids in the audience behind the piano wearing masks. She also shared the email she sent to the editor of the magazine.
“Stop with the mask illustrations,” the subject line reads before the blunt opening, “Christine.” (Christine French Cully is the magazine’s editor-in-chief. I recall being taught to address professionals in a business letter with a bit more courtesy, but perhaps Mrs. Mandel’s education omitted such things.)
Then she voiced her complaint:
“I understand the objective here: to normalize masking young children. That is not a message I’m sending to my kids. Masks are a temporary situation and on their way out the door. Getting these magazines with mask illustrations is a reminder of the broken world we live in. We get your magazine to be an escape, not a reminder of the reality we’re forced to be living right now. I am planning to screen future issues, and if more of this content is present, we will be trashing them and canceling our subscription.
Best
Bethany Mandel”
If you think the complaint seems rather asinine considering we’ve been wearing masks for two years, you’re not alone. Many, many snarky comments followed, but Highlights responded with what is probably the most perfect reaction.
We want our readers to see themselves and their experiences in our magazines, so we've included masks and acknowledgements of the pandemic to help support kids. As one child wrote to us, “Kids need to know that they are not alone.” Like you, we hope that this will be over soon.— Highlights (@Highlights) December 15, 2021
In a tweet, Highlights wrote:
“We want our readers to see themselves and their experiences in our magazines, so we’ve included masks and acknowledgements of the pandemic to help support kids. As one child wrote to us, ‘Kids need to know that they are not alone.’ Like you, we hope that this will be over soon.”
Simple, straightforward and honest. Including a quote from a child reader was a beautiful move, as was creating a sense of solidarity in the last line.
Mandel may think her kids want a magazine that will let them escape reality, but that’s not what Highlights has ever been about. It’s about helping kids become “creative, caring, curious, and confident.” Part of being caring during a pandemic is wearing a mask to protect others. Part of being confident is dealing with challenges head-on, which is what we’re doing when we listen to infectious disease experts and follow their advice.
Seeing reality reflected in an illustration is not going to harm kids. Masks are not evidence of a broken world—they are evidence of our collective efforts to mitigate a deadly pandemic. If anything, they are symbols of hope, of humans doing what they can to protect one another.
So much of this comes down to what we are choosing to teach our kids. My own kids have remarked more than once how happy they are to see people wearing masks at stores, how it makes them feel like they’re surrounded by people who care and who are smart enough to follow the guidance of public health experts. Nobody likes wearing masks, but we understand why they’re necessary.
We all want this to be over. But that won’t happen if people keep ignoring the measures that can help us get there and denying the reality of where we are now.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others. In a Reddit post titled “100% Really Sucks,” a man wrote: “About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer.…
Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others.
“About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer. Hundreds of people asked my wife how she was doing, offered her support, etc. Lots of people asked me how she was doing, how the kids were doing, and how I had to be strong for her and our two remaining kids. Only a few close male friends asked how I was doing. Not one of my female friends did. Not even my mother. It never occurred to them.
That really sucked. Not because I don’t think my wife deserved support. Of course she did – but so did I.”
The good news is that the OP bravely began a difficult discussion that seemed to resonate deeply with many people. The post received over 90,000 upvotes and 2.6 thousand comments. Clearly, people seem ready to talk about it.
One Redditor noted that they shared a similar experience: “My wife and I divorced – after our marriage she chose drugs and alcohol and I chose to be a dad. People still ask me all the time how she’s doing through everything. She still gets invited to parent/kid meet ups even though the kids live with me 7 days a week. It’s unfair.”
Another commenter added the importance of including men when an entire family needs support, writing, “It absolutely is unfair. I hope future generations will learn to be more supportive after seeing more great dads in action!”
What was even more encouraging was that the Reddit community came together not only to commiserate but also to offer hopeful suggestions.
Another commenter pointed out a similar situation, sharing, “We had a house fire. Lost everything. People in the community donated so many clothes and toiletries for my wife and kids. But nothing for me. One year later and I’m still struggling with wardrobe choices.”
This Redditor was ready to help, writing, “What size do you wear bro? I have some nice clothes that I never wear I’d be happy to have dry cleaned and sent your way.”
Not everyone, thankfully, had the same experience, though the post helped some feel a sense of gratitude:
“My word, reading these comments just makes me appreciate my wife and my mom all the more. They actually support me when I let them know I am hurting or depressed.
I do have to vocalize that I want the support in the moment because my wife will pick up on the fact that I’m down almost immediately and I’ll tell her I’m just having a down day. I don’t really deal with very bad depression but I do have days where it gets bad and she’s always there for me.
When I was growing up, my mom never dismissed my feelings, never told me to ‘act like a man’.
I’m so sorry to hear all of your stories of your struggles. I wish the best for all of you out there dealing with this type of stuff.”
Society needs to encourage men to open up
In the article “The Problem of Male Grief” for Psychology Today, Nick Norman, LICSW, discusses what he refers to as a “silent epidemic” among men.
“According to the CDC, 1 in 10 men experiences anxiety or depression, but less than half reach out for help,” Norman wrote. “They are less likely to seek help for mental or emotional difficulties overall.”
Norman seems to hit the nail right on the head when it comes to the Reddit post:
“While there are common ways that men respond to grief, that does not mean that they are actually processing their emotions or coming to a healthy resolution. The real issue is not that men have some other means or manner of grieving. It is that the Western cultural expectation of men discourages grieving altogether.”
He offered suggestions for men to create healthy spaces for one another:
“The unspoken rules of oppressive masculinity often lead men to shame those who dare step outside of the limited emotional box we’re given. In this way, we become enemies of our brothers and create more pain when what we need is support. Although we may struggle with our own discomfort, we need to stop shaming other men for weeping and feeling authentically. We have enough challenges in this work. We owe it to one another to buoy each other up, or at least grant each other silent respect.”
Mindfulness can help
Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW, founder of Suffolk DBT in New York, spoke to Upworthy about the issue:
“From a DBT [Dialectical Behavior Therapy] perspective, many boys grow up in environments where their emotions are invalidated. They are often taught very early that showing sadness or vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that they should ‘be strong.’ Over time, this can lead men to learn how to hide their emotions rather than understand or process them. They may become skilled at making their feelings invisible to others, but that does not mean those feelings are not there.”
To counter this, Lorandini suggested men practice mindfulness to help process their emotions:
“Mindfulness, a core component of DBT, encourages people to slow down, notice their emotional experience, and give themselves permission to feel sadness rather than push it away. We call that mindfulness of current emotion. When someone does not give themselves these important moments to grieve, they develop what we call inhibitive grief. It doesn’t go away but remains in a ‘holding cell.’ While it may not be a literal prison, it won’t go away until it is experienced. It often will show up in ways such as anger, substance use, working excessively, heavy screen time, or other maladaptive behaviors.”
She added, “Grief does not require someone to fall apart, but it does require space to be felt. Learning to experience sadness in manageable moments, while continuing to move forward at a balanced pace, can help men process loss in a way that honors both their emotional needs and their role within their family.”
There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging…
There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging about bed-rotting and doomscrolling is akin to being a proud couch potato.
Why are the chronically online backing away from their iPhones and calling TikTok trend followers tacky? It all comes down to the delivery system.
In a viral Instagram post, Carmen Vicente, a social strategist in tech, says the shift began when the Internet changed from a place where savvy people pursued their interests on their own to one where culture was spoon-fed through algorithms. There’s a huge difference between sitting at the cultural trough and waiting to be fed by Meta and going out to discover what you authentically enjoy.
The point is simple: You will never cultivate authentic taste in culture, art, movies, music, fashion, or food if your appetite is curated algorithmically.
“Fifteen years ago, it required effort and curiosity to discover cool stuff on the Internet,” Vicente says. “But now, and since the advent of algorithms that hinge on economic metrics of success, looking away or elsewhere is the thing that requires effort and curiosity.”
Vicente continues:
“Personally speaking, I think taste is the result of your cultural inputs. And to develop good taste, we need to consume a diversity of inputs beyond just the confines of our modern suggestion engines. Simply put, the algorithms are controlled by the institutions. The institutions need to maximize shareholder value. And the more time you spend drinking the Kool-Aid from these fire hoses, the looser your grasp becomes on what is truly interesting, substantive, or moving.”
There are myriad definitions of taste, but it’s generally seen as the ability to appreciate things that are culturally and aesthetically valuable.
In his essay “Of the Standard of Taste,” philosopher David Hume argues that taste is a byproduct of a life rich in experience: “Strong sense, united to delicate sentiment, improved by practice, perfected by comparison, and cleared of all prejudice, can alone entitle critics to this valuable character.”
Therefore, true taste can’t be developed without real-world experience and cultural inputs that go far beyond what’s delivered via smartphone.
The lesson here isn’t hard to figure out: it’s about a life lived shopping in brick-and-mortar stores, spending time outdoors, practicing hobbies that don’t involve screens, and reading books while in the dentist’s waiting room. There are so many incredible cultural treasures we can experience only by being in physical places with real people—where you can stumble upon life-changing culture by accident.
Taste is a touchy subject, hard to separate from social status, because it often requires resources and connections to access many aspects of culture. However, that’s not an excuse to judge those who strive for an expansive, more refined sense of taste—or who hope others will join them on that journey—as merely performative.
Humanity is delightfully diverse, yet we’re also wonderfully the same. For all our differences, many of our fundamental needs, desires, and impulses are universal. One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than…
One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than 18 million views and 2.7 million likes.
Rasta G. simply sits on a chair with one foot up on the seat. She suddenly looks down, notices her knee, then gently kisses it. People all around the world said, “Wait, I’m not the only one who does this?”
Who knew kissing your own knee was such a universal impulse?
Comment after comment revealed that people do this but had no idea others did, too:
“So I’m not a weirdo?”
“I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.”
“TikTok slowly make me realize I’m not the only weird one. We ALL weird. 😂”
“HAHAHAHA why you exposing us.”
“I knew before you did it.”
“I’m never alone in my weird experiences. 😭”
“Not a single unique experience 😭.”
“More proof that nothing I do is unique and I’m not weird. Thank you. 🙏🙏”
“So in conclusion we’re all the same just in different fonts.”
“Kissing knees is universal.”
“I’m cracking up omg we are all connected.”
Indeed, others have publicly shared the impulse as well:
Theories about why we kiss our own knees (and shoulders)
Of course, not everyone does this. But apparently, a whole lot of us do. And the reason why isn’t entirely clear. There are no studies on the subject, and there don’t appear to be masses of people asking their therapists about this habit. It’s just something we do, and people pointed to several potential reasons why:
The roundness of our knee looks like a baby’s head. Shoulders do, too—kind of. Perhaps seeing it so close to our face evokes the same urge we get to kiss babies on the top of the head. It could simply be a biological urge being triggered.
It’s a self-soothing behavior. When we were little, our moms, dads, or other caregivers may have kissed our boo-boos, and kids get a lot of boo-boos on their knees. So some of us may automatically associate gentle kisses on the knee with comfort.
It’s a way to show our bodies love and gratitude. A lot of the sentiment in the comments is that we don’t really see our knees very often, which is true. So when one is close to our face, we may be reminded of what they do for us. Ask someone with knee problems how important our knees are. It’s a good reminder to give them a little thank-you for their hard work.
We’re weird, but no weirder than anyone else. Maybe we’re all just quirky little humans who do random things for no good reason whatsoever. But at least now we know we’re not alone on that front.
People know Sir Anthony Hopkins best for his film performances, and for good reason. With two Oscars and multiple other awards, the 88-year-old Welsh actor has earned his accolades for his work on screen. But Hopkins’ first artistic love was not acting—it was music. And that first love received a moving moment of recognition in…
People know Sir Anthony Hopkins best for his film performances, and for good reason. With two Oscars and multiple other awards, the 88-year-old Welsh actor has earned his accolades for his work on screen.
But Hopkins’ first artistic love was not acting—it was music. And that first love received a moving moment of recognition in 2011, when the Johann Strauss Orchestra premiered a waltz Hopkins composed in 1964 at age 26.
“I have been writing music and composing for many years, but I never did anything with it,” Hopkins told The Independent in late 2012. “I’d wanted to be a musician when I was younger, but I wasn’t a good student as a kid, so I just dabbled around and wrote this piece, ‘And the Waltz Goes On,’ in 1964.”
Years later, Hopkins and his wife were watching a concert by Dutch violinist and conductor André Rieu on TV. Hopkins mentioned that he’d love to have his waltz played in Vienna.
“Some time later, I got a call from André and he said, ‘I got your waltz,’” said Hopkins. “I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘I’ve just performed it with my orchestra in rehearsal.’ I didn’t know it, but my wife had sent him the score.”
Rieu was surprised to receive Hopkins’ composition.
“A lot of people send me their waltzes – every week, in fact,” Rieu told The Independent. “But when I got a call from my office early last year, I was surprised when they said Sir Anthony Hopkins was sending me one, as I didn’t know he had a musical side. But I figured a man like him wouldn’t send me a bad waltz. I can imagine it must have been a struggle for him thinking, ‘Shall I give it to the world?’”
Hopkins and Rieu had never met, but Hopkins flew to Rieu’s studio in Maastricht, Netherlands, in April 2011 to hear the piece rehearsed live.
“Everyone was so excited–and nervous,” said Rieu. “But he was so gentle and kind; he embraced everyone and gave them all autographs, too. After we played it to him live, he was like, ‘I love it, I love it, and I have tears in my eyes!’”
Naturally, anyone would be moved to hear a composition they wrote nearly 50 years earlier performed by top-tier musicians. After all, just a few years before, Hopkins told Gramophone magazine, “Music was my first desire, my first wish.”
Vienna has been home to many famous composers, including Joseph Haydn, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Ludwig van Beethoven, Franz Schubert, Johannes Brahms, Gustav Mahler, and the Strauss family. So the fact that Rieu premiered Hopkins’ piece there made the moment especially meaningful.
What a gift it must have been to hear his waltz performed live in one of the world’s most iconic venues by the largest private orchestra in the world, led by one of its most renowned conductors.
“Playing his waltz for the first time in one of the most beautiful halls in Vienna was like a dream for both of us,” Rieu said.
Rieu toured with the piece, which is how we have this full performance of Hopkins’ waltz from André Rieu – Under the Stars: Live in Maastricht 5:
Hopkins has made a name for himself far more successfully as an actor than as a musician, but people loved his waltz nonetheless. Some commenters on the video also noted how sad it would have been if the composition had remained unplayed:
“There’s drama, passion, love and anger, sadness and boldness, a perfect waltz. And imagine, if Lady Hopkins never convinced Sir Hopkins to release this, we wouldn’t have this amazing masterpiece. Utmost respect for the two of them.”
“Never asked anyone to play it, and yet it’s absolutely hauntingly beautiful. How much magnificent art is out there that never sees the light of day?”
“This guy didn’t produce this waltz earlier in his life because he was afraid that nobody would like it. And you hear how beautiful this waltz is. Imagine how many artists have been too afraid to share their work. Imagine the wonderful pieces of music we could have if we would just lighten up a bit.”
It’s a good reminder for all of us to share the talents we have.
Imagine a puzzle competition held at a friend’s house, jigsaw pieces flying in a flurry. Or a beautiful Saturday morning flower-arranging class, the air fragrant with seasonal blooms, with no pressure to make small talk. What about a nature walk through local woods, where chatting with new people can happen naturally—or not? These enticing options…
These enticing options are part of a growing trend: “soft socializing.” It represents a significant cultural shift in how we connect, prioritizing shared activities over forced conversation and social performance.
Small talk is out. Shared hobbies are in. From reading hours to coffee tastings, we’re building rituals around what we love. It’s not introversion, it’s intentional gathering! How are you soft socializing this year? #intentional#rituals#hobbies#community
Eventbrite’s 2026 Social Study surveyed 4,051 adults in the United States and the United Kingdom. It found that for today’s younger generation, socializing isn’t the main event: 58% call it “somewhat important, but don’t want it to be the focus.” Another 45% prefer control over when and how they interact, and 41% want the option to observe without small talk. Past generations might have labeled this “antisocial,” but Eventbrite calls it a redefinition of what it means to be social today.
What soft socializing actually means
Soft socializing means low-pressure, activity-based events where connection happens as a secondary outcome, not the main goal. The idea draws from parallel play, where children play side by side, absorbed in their own activities and comforted by others’ presence. Adults apparently feel the same way.
Soft socializing provides a comfortable, neutral environment for activities. Photo credit: Canva
Parallel play, as researchers describe it, provides “a comforting middle ground where participants can enjoy the presence of others without the demands of conversation, leading to reduced stress and anxiety.”
In tea-tasting ceremonies or silent book clubs—popular, low-key socializing activities—participants share space and experience without the need for ongoing conversation. The activity itself serves as the anchor for connection. Conversation may unfold naturally, or it may not—both are absolutely welcome.
That relaxed structure is key. Traditional socializing pressures people to perform: be charming, interesting, engaged, and instantly happy. Low-pressure socializing shifts the focus from individuals to the activity.
The numbers behind the shift
Data from Eventbrite’s survey paints a striking picture of where people are showing up. Over the last two years, low-pressure events have seen remarkable growth:
Flower-arranging events saw a 282% increase in attendance.
Puzzle competitions grew by 151% in the U.S.
Music bingo attendance increased by 149%.
Caffeine tastings (like coffee, tea, and matcha) became more popular, with an 80% increase in events and a 49% rise in attendance.
Silent events, such as silent discos and book clubs, saw a 14% increase in attendance.
These numbers show a desire for creative, low-pressure events that connect people with less effort.
The psychology of being present together
There’s solid science behind why soft socializing works so well.
A 2024 study in the journal Motivation and Emotion found that “intrinsically motivated silence” promotes greater closeness and satisfaction. It suggests that, in the right context, quiet that comes from emotional connection—not social obligation—can connect people more effectively than conversation.
Similarly, research shows that shared activities increase oxytocin, a hormone linked to trust, empathy, and bonding. Stanford University researchers have found that oxytocin plays a significant role in social interactions, including everyday ones. Soft socializing activities—walking, crafting, or cooking—involve people moving and creating together, an effective way to build connections.
For those with mental health challenges, soft socializing can be vital. Nearly two-thirds (65%) of Gen Z reported experiencing at least one mental health problem in the past two years—especially with social anxiety—making the rise of soft socializing particularly important. When the activity takes center stage, social pressure drops.
Soft socializing and the loneliness epidemic
This discussion takes place against the backdrop of a loneliness crisis that the former U.S. Surgeon General has declared a national epidemic. In a 2023 advisory, Dr. Vivek Murthy warned that a lack of social connection carries health risks comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Those risks include a 29% increased chance of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% greater likelihood of developing dementia among socially isolated older adults.
Loneliness statistics are startling. In a 2025 survey, about half of American adults reported feeling lonely. A 2024 poll found that among those aged 18–34, 30% said they feel lonely daily or several times a week. According to Murthy’s advisory, between 2003 and 2020 average monthly time spent alone increased by 24 hours, while time spent with friends dropped by 20 hours.
But here’s a startling twist: despite these feelings of disconnection, a 2026 Eventbrite study found that 79% of adults aged 18–35 want to attend more live events. As Eventbrite CEO Julia Hartz put it, “The most social generation in history is redefining what it means to be truly present.”
This signals a shift: people aren’t withdrawing—they’re craving meaningful bonds and growing disenchanted with traditional ways of forming them.
How to plan a soft socializing hang
Are you willing to give it a try? Here’s what you need to plan a successful soft socializing hang:
Lead with activity
The key rule? Build the event around a shared activity, not conversation. Think craft nights, puzzle competitions, guided hikes, silent book clubs, board games, or cooking classes. Any format that gives people something to engage with—besides each other—works. The activity itself takes the conversational pressure off attendees.
Flower arrangement classes can be a great soft socializing option. Photo credit: Canva
Choose the right venue
The right setting sets the mood before the event even begins. Think neighborhood cafés, local breweries, bookshops, and parks—venues with a naturally relaxed atmosphere.
Interaction should be optional
Plan activities for small groups of three to five people. Try arranging seats side by side instead of face to face to ease the pressure of direct conversation. You can offer conversation starters, but don’t make them mandatory. Let people arrive and settle in at their own pace.
On the day of the event, make your welcome warm but brief
Have materials ready so attendees can start immediately, avoiding awkward waits. Keep background music low and ambient. Close with a natural social moment—such as a snack or a group photo—for those who want to linger.
Rebuilding connection on your terms
As one 31-year-old toldBusiness Insider, “We have to retrain ourselves to be social again.” Let soft socializing help. It lowers the stakes, removes social pressure, and allows connections to develop organically. Say goodbye to forced icebreakers.
The former surgeon general urges us to prioritize social connection as we would any major public health issue. While soft socializing is not a complete solution to loneliness, it marks a vital first step—shifting our approach from forced interaction to genuine, low-pressure connection through shared activities.
Some people can sing, and some people can’t. A beautiful voice is a gift and you either have one or you don’t. At least, that’s always been the prevailing wisdom. However, like many pieces of prevailing wisdom, it may not be correct. According to NBC News, an estimated 10–30% of people believe they “can’t sing”…
Some people can sing, and some people can’t. A beautiful voice is a gift and you either have one or you don’t. At least, that’s always been the prevailing wisdom. However, like many pieces of prevailing wisdom, it may not be correct.
According to NBC News, an estimated 10–30% of people believe they “can’t sing” because they have difficulty carrying a tune. However, further research cited by CNET shows that only a minuscule 2% of the population physically lacks the skills needed to perform a song well. These individuals may not have the required control over their vocal cords, or may have difficulty hearing pitch accurately. Everyone else simply lacks the training and practice.
Learn how to sing
A woman who goes by Jeska fm on social media recently took to YouTube to show her own proof that it’s possible to learn how to sing.
Becoming even a half-decent singer can take years of practice. Photo credit: Canva
In a video titled “MY SINGING TRANSFORMATION: no autotune or reverb, just real progress,” Jeska begins with a few words of inspiration:
“I just wanted to start this off by saying that I’m only making this video because I wish I had seen something like this when I was a little girl who wanted to sing. It might have changed the entire course of my life. If you’re someone who dreams of being able to sing but just doesn’t think it’s possible for you, this video is for you.”
Jeska explains that she did choir in high school and learned a few fundamentals. But while she never thought she was a bad singer per se, she didn’t believe she had the talent to sing the way she wanted to as a songwriter.
“There were things about my voice that I hated,” Jeska says.
However, the one thing she had going for her was a refusal to give up. She begins the transformation video by showing clips of her early attempts dating back to 2016. Even in 2021, when she was just beginning to train and practice her vocals intentionally, her singing is flat and lacks power and consistency. Her voice strains to produce volume and hit high notes, and it regularly cracks during attempts at vocal runs.
Jeska explains how she spent years working with teachers, doing self-instruction and exercises, and practicing and performing. The final clip of her performing five years later is almost unrecognizable. The power, accuracy, and clarity are all improved several times over. All Jeska’s hard work had paid off, and she was far better positioned to perform her own music and pursue singing in other ways.
The full transformation has to be heard to be appreciated:
However, we as humans tend to drastically underestimate how much time and work it takes to succeed.
The “planning fallacy” is a psychological concept that suggests people often have an overly optimistic view of what it will take to complete a task. In practice, it’s one thing to pick up a guitar and realize just how difficult it is to maneuver your fingers with the accuracy and speed required. But when it comes to the original instrument—our voice—many people assume that if they have talent, it will present itself naturally.
“Singing’s actually very different, as everyone can produce a sound,” researcher Sean Hutchins tellsThe Guardian. “Even if people don’t learn the technique behind how to sing, you use your voice for the purpose of speech so everyone’s reasonably adept at controlling it. The key thing which separates good singers from bad isn’t so much natural talent but getting the training to use it in the right way.”
He also adds that the limiting belief people develop when their first attempts aren’t magically perfect—“I can’t sing”—causes many to give up on their dream. Hutchins says the worst singers he’s studied are often the ones least likely to practice.
“My main takeaway from this whole singing journey is that it’s never too late to pursue your interests,” Jeska says at the end of her video. “You never know how far you’ll go.”
She’s also brutally honest about how much work it really takes to perfect your vocal control. For most people, it takes years. The idea that someone can become a brilliant professional singer overnight with no training and little practice is mostly false. But so is the idea that none of us is capable of honing at least a karaoke-worthy voice, and maybe far more than that.
Airline travel has always been an evolving business, from the first commercial flight in 1914 to the thousands of passenger flights in the air at any given moment in 2026. Those of us who lived through 9/11 as adults remember a very different time in air travel.
On Reddit, someone asked Gen Xers and Baby Boomers what airline travel was like in the ’80s and ’90s, with specific questions like: “What was security like? What was the actual process of getting plane tickets before the internet? Was it hard to arrange rides with pay phones only? Did people smoke on planes? Did you use pay phones to call your loved ones back home and let them know you landed safe?”
The folks on the r/AskOldPeople subreddit delivered answers, and it’s a trip down memory lane for those who lived it.
Buying flights was a whole processbefore the Internet
Today, we hop on Google Flights to compare ticket prices and book flights on airline websites right from the comfort of our couches in a matter of minutes. Back in the day, we didn’t have that luxury. Booking a flight meant making a long phone call or hoofing it to an office or kiosk, then receiving a paper ticket you had to keep track of.
“You could either call and buy a ticket over the phone or buy it at the airport.”
“Got a paper ticket. Mailed or picked up at airport or airline kiosks/offices at various locations (shopping malls, etc).”
“Tickets were really precious things and you had to take care of them. They were hand-written even.”
“Tickets were purchased directly from the airline or through a travel agent. Prior to the internet, it was much harder to research and book trips, so you hired an agency to help you.”
“We would use travel agents in our town. You would tell them where and when and they would give you your options. You. Would pick up your tickets at their office. They could set up your hotel and car rental.”
Airport security was much less of a process
It’s hard to imagine a time when you didn’t even have to show your ID to hop on a plane, but it happened. Many security measures were implemented after 9/11, though they had already been increasing incrementally before then.
TSA lines at Bush Airport in Houston on the Friday morning going into Spring Break ✈️ pic.twitter.com/LsJzKHN6tD
“Airport security was just a metal detector that you walked through that anyone could walk through and go to the gate to send off or greet the departing/arriving passengers. No need to be a ticked passenger, no ID check, or anything.”
“I travelled a lot for work from about 1993 onwards. I remember flying Sydney to Chicago with a full tool case as hand luggage, a Gerber pocket knife in my pocket, no scanners hardly any security, just turn up and get on the plane.”
“Security was easy. Just toss your stuff in a basket and go through a metal detector. I used to fly with a swiss army knife and it was no problem at all.”
“Security was basic and relaxed. You really could run madly through the airport to catch a flight and nobody cared. You passed through a metal detector arch that was tuned way down to avoid false positives. It wouldn’t notice car keys, pens, or even small pocket knives (I once realized I had accidentally tested that).”
“In about 1988, I bought a round trip airline ticket from NY to San Francisco off of Craigslist from a Chinese guy with a very Chinese name. Now I am as white as Wonder Bread, but I used that ticket and no one batted an eye. No ID. No questions. Nothing.”
Smoking on airplanes was allowed through the ’80s
Kids today can’t fathom how ubiquitous smoking was before the mid-’90s. Smoking wasn’t banned on domestic flights until 1990, and it wasn’t banned on international flights until 2000. Before that, planes had “smoking sections” with nothing separating them from the rest of the cabin. Ridiculous in hindsight, but that’s how it was.
“Yes you could smoke on a plane…there was smoking and non smoking sections.”
“The first time I went on a plane (mid 80s) was with my mom to go visit family, I don’t remember how old I was, but I distinctly remember there were still ashtrays in the arm rests.”
“They used to put a complimentary four-pack of cigarettes on every meal tray. My father had at some point allowed me a puff of his cigarette through my bubble pipe, which I did not enjoy at all. So shortly after my meal tray arrived, my 4-year-old self yelled, ‘Stewardess, you can take these cigarettes away, because I quit smoking three weeks ago!’”
“First international flight in 1997 I smoked all the way over. Pity the poor non-smokers, because even with a smoking section the smoke was all through the plane.”
No luggage fees (but no luggage wheels, either)
Ah, the good old days of free checked luggage. (Paying for checked luggage is actually pretty new. All airlines let you have one free checked bag prior to 2008.) But luggage was also a whole different animal. We used to have to carry suitcases. And people didn’t generally carry on suitcases with clothing in them because they’d end up smelling like smoke by the end of the flight.
“Nobody was dragging their carry-on baggage throughout the terminal – checking bags was always free and everybody checked their bags. But the downside of no baggage security checks was that stuff sometimes got stolen from your bags by baggage handlers – so you always locked your bags. that is why those hard-sided Samsonite suitcases with the combination lock latches were popular.”
“Luggage didn’t even have wheels back then!”
“I remember the early wheeled suitcases were so awkward and top-heavy like an elephant riding on the top of a London bus. They had wheels on the bottom and a ‘leash’ attached to the top front. It was better than carrying, but if you went anything other than perfectly straight, it would topple over.”
People dressed up to fly
It’s not at all unusual to see people boarding flights in sweats or other uber-casual attire. On a redeye, you’ll see people basically in their pajamas. Comfort has definitely overridden traditional airplane-attire etiquette, which some people love and some people hate.
If you’re over 55 or so, you know there was actually a time when folks “dressed up” to fly. If you’re under 55, flying has always been an extension of “casual Friday.” pic.twitter.com/yYCOna3CTW
“People dressed well, not fancy but nice. I once flew ‘standby’ (my sweet Dad was an aircraft mechanic) and I had to wear my ‘nicest’ dress just in case I got bumped to first class! And I did! It was very nice. One way, the other way i was in coach, but everyone was still dressed nicely, including me. :)”
“Can confirm. I flew to Germany as a kid in the 80’s and my parents made me wear my ‘Church clothes’ on the plane.”
“Night and day. It was a privilege to fly, people got dressed nice to fly, now flying like taking a bus. It’s a zoo in the air and people crazy.”
Pick-up and drop-off happened right at the gate
Gen Xers and Boomers who flew remember saying goodbye right before boarding the plane and greeting loved ones just after exiting the jetway. That can’t happen now. Security increases after 9/11 meant that only ticketed passengers could fully enter the terminal. At least it makes terminals less crowded?
“Everyone could go to the gate and hang out. We used to go to the airport and watch the planes taking off and landing.”
“Some time in the late 90s, I went to pick up my mother from the airport, and I brought a friend with me. They let us both go wait at the gate with no issues. We probably had to go through a metal detector but it was pretty easy.”
“Pick up and drop off was a ton easier. Whoever was coming to get you parked somewhere and came to the gate to wait for you. For drop offs they either pulled right up to the terminal and let you out where there was a porter waiting to take your bags (hopefully to the correct flight), or you parked in the airport short term lot and walked in together —all the way to the gate if the goodbye was a difficult one.”
“I’m glad this isn’t allowed anymore. Anytime I’ve flown, the gates have been full and I end up standing off in the walkway waiting to board. I can’t even imagine adding ‘hey, let’s all hang out with Grandma before she leaves’ into the mix.
Another thing I remember about this was trying to get OFF the plane. People would crowd around the gate to greet their arriving family just like they do around the baggage carousel. And of course when grandma walked out the door, they’d run up and do their hugs and handshakes right there with everyone else trying to get around them. It was maddening, especially at the holidays.”
You had to use a pay phone if you needed to call someone
These days, nearly all airlines allow you to text for free even when you’re up in the air. The first thing many people do when the wheels touch down is text someone to let them know they’ve landed. Gone are the days of having to find a wall of pay phones or waiting until you got to your hotel to call someone.
“Airports used to have huge banks of payphones all over, but I think most people would call from their hotel phone when they got checked in.”
“There were plenty of pay phones to call people, and plenty of shops that would make change for you if you needed.”
“Airports would have large banks of payphones, but they would also have kiosks with courtesy phones, that were basically hotline phones with no keypad that automatically dialed, this could be the shuttle bus operation, a taxi service, or your hotel that may operate their own shuttle service. Picture a kiosk near luggage pickup with a sign for Holiday Inn Airport and a phone with no number pad that directly connects you to the front desk at the nearby Holiday Inn so they could dispatch the shuttle van driver to pick you up.”
“You didn’t call anyone when you landed, people met you at the airport. You arranged in advance. If the flight was delayed, they waited. Nobody was paying for parking at airports.”
Other than the secondhand smoke, flying was more comfortable
Before 1978, the government set flight prices. Since airlines couldn’t compete on price, they competed on service and passenger experience. That focus spilled over into the ’80s, but as price competition grew, so did a desire for cheaper flights. Now we pay less, but we also get less.
“The planes were more comfortable. The seats and legroom were better in economy/coach and you got an included meal and in-flight movie on longer flights.”
“In the ’80’s it was much nicer. Larger planes, more room, bigger seats, better food, more luggage allowed. Plus few carry on restrictions. In the 90’s airlines had begun tightening up a bit but you could still expect at least a non-alcoholic drink and a snack on anything longer than a puddle jumper flight even in economy or business. Anything longer than that and you could count on a meal.”
“The planes were less full and seats had enough legroom even economy.”
“Seats had more leg room because they weren’t cramming in as many as possible on discount flights.”
Some changes in air travel have been good, and others not so great. But flying definitely isn’t what it used to be.
Distracted driving is a dangerous issue that police officers are taking more seriously. But when Katie, who runs the social media page Slightly Off Balance, was pulled over for the offense, she had questions. The officer writing the citation insisted that she was driving with her phone in her right hand. That didn’t make sense to her.
The woman uploaded a clip of the interaction in which she asks the officer for clarification. According to the officer, he witnessed Katie committing the driving infraction. Katie asked for clarification several more times because it would be impossible for her to hold a phone in her right hand. Why? She doesn’t have one.
In the video, which has been viewed nearly eight million times, Katie pokes fun at the situation. “Turns out you can still get a ticket for driving with a device in your right hand, even if you don’t have a right hand,” she says, holding up her arm. Clearly, the entire lower part of her right arm is missing.
After cutting to the bizarre interaction between herself and the officer, Katie shows herself attempting to hold a phone with her nonexistent hand. Spoiler alert—it doesn’t work. In the video, the officer can be heard saying, “If you want to take it to court, option five on the back of the ticket. That’s how you take it to court.”
Taking it to court is exactly what she plans to do. In a follow-up video, she shares that her court date is scheduled for mid-April. Commenters are not only gobsmacked that she could be cited for this particular infraction, but they’re also completely invested in her court case.
One person begs, “Please take us to court with you, I want to hear the judge.”
Another writes, “I’m glad you recorded him saying it was the right hand otherwise I guarantee he would have lied later on and claim he never said that.”
“Ok but how would you ve able to drive with a phone in ur LEFT hand anyway,” someone questions.
“Oh I wanna see a part 2. I know it sucks tho, cause you shouldn’t have to take time off work/life just to prove a cop wrong,” a person laments.
One commenter shares a cheeky way Katie could have handled the situation, writing, “I would have said ‘ok I’ll see you in court’ and waved with your right hand to get his reaction. And then still gone to court to let the judge know he was lying.”
Some people wonder why she didn’t inform the officer on the spot that she didn’t have a right hand. But others argue that the officer had already proven to be untrustworthy and would likely change his story. Katie didn’t respond to those questions, but the officer could likely see that she didn’t have a hand while looking directly into her window.
Katie appears to have a sense of humor about missing a hand, liking several comments that joke about her limb difference.
“I would have held my right hand out for the ticket. So glad you got that admission recorded,” someone writes.
“Cutting your hand off to get out of a traffic ticket is wild,” another jokes.
