A story recently posted on Reddit shows a mother confidently standing up for her culture and daughter in the face of intolerance. Reddit user Paste-Clouds-808 shared the story on the AITA forum to ask who was right in the situation.
Over 2,900 people commented on the story, and they overwhelmingly agreed that it was her.
The mother, 38, regularly cooks Asian foods for her daughter Lily, 7, and packs them in her school lunch. The mother was raised by a half-Japanese mom, so the foods have always been a part of her life, and her family loves them, too.
“Oftentimes I’ll either give my daughter some leftovers from last night’s dinner, plus a fruit/veggie and a snack, or I’ll make her a quick little bento box or some other thing really quick,” the mother wrote.
One day after school, the mother allowed Lily to play on the playground for a few minutes before they went home. The mother was approached by another mom, whom we will call Debra, and she immediately began criticizing the lunches the mother had packed for her daughter.
“Well, your daughter’s lunches have been bothering my son, and I would like to ask you to pack something else,” Debra said.
“What? How are they bothering him?” Lily’s mom responded.
“She then proceeded to start talking about how her son was complaining about my daughter’s lunches smelling terrible and that he thought it was disgusting,” the mom wrote. “She also said her son didn’t eat most of his lunch because he was so grossed out.”
The mother politely rejected Debra’s request to change her daughter’s lunch habits and suggested it wasn’t her problem. “Okay…I understand your son doesn’t like the smell, but can’t he just sit somewhere else?” she asked.
Debra then became angry. “Are you kidding me?” she asked. “My son shouldn’t have to put up with whatever crap you make your daughter bring to this school. It’s disgusting!”
Lily’s mom says that Debra then began making more “vaguely racist” comments. She became fed up with the woman and sternly put her in her place.
“Listen, I understand your son might not like my daughter’s food, but he can very easily just not sit next to her,” the mother said. “I’m not changing what’s in my daughter’s lunches because you and your kid don’t want to exist near Asian food. F*** off.”
The mom asked people on the Reddit forum if she went too far by using foul language when talking to the woman, but they thought it was an appropriate response to the woman’s entitled racist attitude.
“Setting a firm boundary with a colorful exclamation usually does a wonderful job in preventing a busybody parent from bothering you in the future,” Johnny9k responded. Some commenters mentioned that she should go further and report it to the school’s administrators and the mother thought it was a good idea.
“Yeah, after thinking about it more, I’m going to talk to her teacher about this,” she wrote. “I’m gonna talk with Lily to so I can be sure this kid isn’t being racist towards her or anything.”
It must have been hard for the mother to stand there while Debra degraded her family’s heritage. But it’s encouraging to know that hundreds of people took her side and supported her in doing what they deemed appropriate.
The story is an interesting example of the two ways that people can go in this world. When Debra’s son complained about Lily’s lunch, she could have just as easily taught him a lesson in acceptance by educating him on different cultures and teaching him the beauty of diversity.
Instead, she lashed out at the mother on his behalf, perpetuating the cycle of intolerance.
In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.
“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.
“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.
Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.
Understanding the journey
Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.
Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.
A warm welcome
Dee and Omary's son, Osman
Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.
“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”
Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.
“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”
Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.
“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”
More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.
“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”
Extending the welcome
Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.
Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.
“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.
Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.
“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.
“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”
Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.
This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.
Head anywhere in the Southern United States, and you are likely to hear one distinct word: “y’all.” “Y’all,” which combines the words “you” and “all,” may be predominantly used in the South—but not for long.
Paul E. Reed, a linguist at the University of Alabama who studies Southern American English and Appalachian English, told NPR in 2025 that “it’s expanded much more outside of the South” thanks to Americans under 40. (Add it to the list of Gen Z slang.)
How “y’all” entered the English vernacular is a fascinating tale. Linguist Danny Hieber, PhD, explained the origin story of “y’all” to his TikTok followers—and it stems from a surprising language.
According to Hieber, present-day English doesn’t have a plural form of the word “you” like other languages. In Old English, there were three forms of “you”:
Thou (subject)
Thee (object)
Thine (possessive)
Hieber goes on to explain that “you” became singular thanks to French. In French, “you” translated to:
Tu (singular)
Vous (plural + polite)
“After the Norman Conquest of England in 1066, French had a huge influence on English,” he said. “So English speakers started borrowing that pattern into English and used ‘you’ to politely address one person.”
He added that over time, this became the default way to address a single person. Along those same lines, the word “be” also followed suit.
“It used to be that the verb ‘be’ was conjugated like this,” explained Hieber, with the plural use becoming “are.” “That singular verb got pulled along into the singular too, and now the conjugation of ‘be’ looks like this:”
I am / we are
Thou art / you are
He, she, it is / they are
However, it created a “gap,” and “English speakers have been trying to settle on a ‘you [plural]’ ever since,” said Hieber. Enter: y’all.
There are many theories as to how y’all infiltrated American English in the 1700s, per NPR. One theory states that it has British origins, where the words “ye” and “aw” were combined and used in the British Isles. From there, Scots-Irish immigrants brought it to Appalachia in the U.S.
The other theory is that it originated in West Africa, and when enslaved people were brought from there to the South, it began to spread. After the Great Migration, Black Americans brought the term north with them, expanding its use.
However, the term “you guys” is still commonly used in most Northern states. There are also many regional variations throughout the country, including “yinz” (used in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) and “youse” (used in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania).
Americans respond
Viewers had lots of opinions on Hieber’s video, including how different regions have termed the plural form of “you”—and their thoughts on y’all:
“Sorry… y’all is singular all y’all is plural.”
“In the upper Ohio Valley, we also say things like, ‘All yinz guys,’ a sort of amalgamation of Pittsburgh’s ‘yinz’ (we’re an hour away), and the Midwest ‘you guys.’”
“From CA but living in the south..I just cannot bring myself to say y’all..feels so unnatural.”
“Washington born and y’all made it into my vocab.”
NBA legend Kobe Bryant was one of the greatest competitors of his generation, and his work ethic was distilled into a single phrase: Mamba Mentality.
“You wake up every single day to get better today than you were yesterday,” Bryant said in an interview posted on Twitter (X) in 2020. “Doesn’t matter what you are—basketball player, hockey player, golf player, painter, writer… doesn’t matter.”
It was about dedication to the process, not just the results, and about obsessively preparing and outworking everyone else in the building.
Bryant described one way he placed process above everything else in a 2015 interview with Jemele Hill during BET’s Genius Talks. She asked Bryant, “How did you become one of those people who doesn’t seem to be afraid of failing?” Bryant flipped the question on its head.
Bryant didn’t believe in failure
“Seriously, what does failure mean? It doesn’t exist. It’s a figment of your imagination. What does it mean? I’m serious. I’m trying to think. How can I explain it?” he responded.
He tried to explain the concept of failure through the opposite idea—perpetual success—which he also didn’t believe exists:
“So let’s use happy endings then we can relate this to failure, why it’s not existent. Everybody talks about how everybody wants a happy ending, right? Now, let’s go through the reality of it. Let’s look at a fairy tale story. It’s like Snow White. She gets a happy ending. She finds a prince or whatever, she goes along, she lives happily ever after. Well, I call bulls**t on that because two months later, the fact is they had an argument and he’s sleeping on the couch. Right? So the point is, the story continues. … So if you fail on Monday, the only way it’s a failure on Monday is if you decide to not progress from that, right?”
Bryant added, “So to me, that’s why failure’s not existent. Because, you know, if I fail today, okay, I’m going to learn something from that failure, and I’m going to try again on Tuesday. I’m going to try again on Wednesday.”
Later in the interview, he extended this belief across disciplines, noting that even if he never achieved his ultimate dreams on the basketball court, he would take the lessons he learned there and apply them to his next endeavor—for example, business.
“But, if I don’t take that stuff and apply that someplace else, then that’s failing, which to me is the worst possible thing you could ever have is to stop and to not learn,” Bryant said.
The Mamba Mentality has a life of its own
Bryant’s thoughts on success and failure mirror the oft-repeated wisdom that it’s not the destination but the journey that truly matters. Sure, you’re going to win some games and lose others, but the most important thing is constant improvement, no matter the arena. That’s the Mamba Mentality. Although Bryant may have left us, his drive lives on in everyone he inspired to be their absolute best.
Have you ever been in a meeting where something appeared…off, but you couldn’t explain why? That subtle feeling is the Icelandic concept of intuition known as InnSæi (pronounced “in-sy-ay”).
In our hyperconnected world, we’ve grown distant from this inner wisdom. Notifications ping, feeds scroll endlessly, and information floods in from every direction, taking us far away from InnSæi.
To do so, it’s worth asking: what if you could reconnect with this lost sense? What if you could tap into this hidden intelligence to make better decisions, lower stress, and handle life’s uncertainties with more confidence?
This brings us to InnSæi. Let’s explore what it means, why it’s more relevant than ever, and how you can begin cultivating it today.
The true meaning of InnSæi
The word InnSæi combines two Icelandic roots: Inn (meaning “inside” or “inward”) and Sæi (to see, also evoking “sær,” meaning “sea”). This beautiful, poetic compound reflects three connected aspects of intuition.
A person sits in front of the ocean with their back to the camera. Photo credit: Canva
The sea within
This refers to the ongoing activity of your unconscious mind: a place of imagination, vision, and quick pattern recognition that works below conscious awareness. Neuroscientist Joel Pearson describes intuition as “the learned, productive use of unconscious information.” Your mind is constantly active, continually connecting ideas, like a steady, ever-moving current. Research shows that our brains begin processing decisions up to seven seconds before we are consciously aware of them.
To see within
Self-awareness, also known as metacognition, is like a mirror for your mind, allowing you to clearly observe your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. It helps you differentiate genuine intuition from fears, biases, or wishful thinking that can obscure judgment. Studies show that developing metacognitive skills improves emotional control and boosts decision-making. By turning your focus inward, you can block out the noise and pay attention to what truly matters in your inner world.
To see from the outside
This dimension represents an inner compass, or the natural competence to steer life’s uncertainties with inspired confidence. It focuses less on strict rules and more on staying true to your authentic values and deeper intuition. This compass provides clarity, focus, and fortitude, guiding you through the most chaotic times.
Why intuition is more important than ever
We live in an era of constant information overload. Today, an average person consumes more data in a single day than someone in the 15th century did in a lifetime. Our attention has become a limited resource, continuously pulled by content algorithms, 24-hour news cycles, and endless virtual distractions.
Three children play with a tablet. Photo credit: Canva
This nonstop flow of information can drown out your intuition. It creates a disconnect from your body, your internal signals, and the indicators that could guide you toward the right path. As Icelandic author and intuition expert Hrund Gunnsteinsdóttir notes, “We’ve outsourced our inner expertise.”
Intuition embodies more than just a desirable trait; it is a key part of innovation, creativity, and effective leadership. A 2017 study found that Nobel laureates see intuition as a key factor in their revolutionary findings. Similarly, business leaders often credit their most successful decisions, especially in uncertain or urgent situations, to their gut instincts.
Intuition is like a muscle—you can strengthen it through practice.
Try this: Take a few slow, deep breaths. Put one hand on your stomach and notice its movement with each inhale and exhale. Ask yourself what you are sensing—warmth, tension, calm, or unease. Name these feelings silently or out loud. Notice any changes as you breathe and pay attention to what your body is telling you. Do this daily to make the signals more familiar.
Ask yourself simple, honest questions: How am I feeling today?Is this decision aligned with who I am right now? Notice whether your stomach feels at ease or tense.
With regular practice, your body’s internal signals grow clearer.
2. Keep a daily journal (5-15 minutes)
Stream-of-consciousness journaling is a profoundly effective way to gain mental clarity. Letting thoughts drift freely onto paper without editing or restraint creates mental space. Research shows that handwriting improves clarity and memory more than typing.
Someone writes in their journal. Photo credit: Canva
Try this: Set a timer for 5 to 15 minutes and write without stopping. Do not analyze, censor, or judge what you write—just keep the pen moving. If you hit a blank, write “I don’t know what to write” repeatedly until another thought appears. Afterward, briefly review what you wrote and make a note of any emotions or physical sensations you notice.
Over time, you’ll begin to observe patterns: recurring fears, internal critical voices that aren’t yours, or repetitive thought loops. Building this awareness helps you distinguish between true intuition and mental chatter. As you write, pay attention to your body. Observe physical reactions to your ideas.
3. Be mindful of what captures your attention
Your focus is the gateway to intuition. It shapes your inner world and your perception of reality. Yet, we rarely notice what captures our attention during the day.
Try this: Carry a small notebook throughout your day. When something captures your attention—a phrase, a color, or a strong emotion—immediately write it down, noting the time and place. Keep this up for a week.
A woman writes in her journal. Photo credit: Canva
At the end of the week, review your notebook. Select 10 words or phrases that stand out most. Write these in a vertical list on a new page. Spend two minutes simply observing the list—do not analyze. Notice if feelings, ideas, or connections come to mind. Write down any motifs or impressions that arise.
Flow is the magical state where you forget about time and self, fully immersed in what you’re doing. Research shows that in states of flow, the brain decreases activity in executive control regions and increases activity in sensory areas, creating space for intuitive insights to surface.
A woman in a black dress holds a scarf in the wind. Photo credit: Canva
Try this: Select a task that is meaningful but slightly challenging for you. Set a timer for 60 minutes. Remove all potential distractions (phone, notifications), and consider playing only instrumental music. Focus on the task without stopping to judge or edit. Afterward, take three minutes to note how you felt and any thoughts that came to you during the session.
Gunnsteinsdóttir used this technique when developing a strategy for her work on InnSæi. She downloaded a template, set a timer, and let her vision flow onto the page. “I didn’t stop to think about what I was writing; I simply allowed what emerged to flow,” she explains. After 60 minutes, she read what she had written and made only minor tweaks.
After your flow session, reflect in your journal: Did you lose sense of time? What would you do differently next time? Did this state help you access your inner compass?
Charting your way forward
In tough times, a strong InnSæi is vital. Trusted intuition anchors you and yields richer guidance.
Begin with one small new practice: spend five minutes on intentional breathing each morning, or write a journal entry at night thinking about how your body felt that day. Keep a notebook for tracking observations that catch your attention. Schedule one 60-minute flow session each week. Track your progress in your journal and review it weekly to notice changes or patterns.
A person in a white t-shirt and colorful hat sits in front of the water with their back to the camera. Photo credit: Canva
With practice, your inner signals grow clearer. Observation becomes sharper, decisions more confident, and you handle uncertainty with ease. Your ever-present intuition is a steady guide. Will you make space to listen?
Begin now—your inner compass is prepared to guide you.
“You are not going to come home with me?” he said, audibly frustrated. When she said no, he pushed back: “But I bought you a drink.” She got up and walked away.
A TikTok user who goes by @tripptokk10 was standing nearby when this happened, already at the bar ordering his own drink. He watched the woman leave, looked at the man still standing there working through his grievance, and made a decision. He ordered two shots.
“I slide it over to him,” he explained in his TikTok video, posted December 20, 2025. They took the shots together. Then he leaned in and made his point: “So are you going to come home with me or what?”
The logic was the same. The conclusion was absurd. That was exactly the point.
In the video, filmed casually at home in a robe and bonnet, he explained what he was responding to: “This one’s for the boys who think buying a woman a drink at the bar means that she should go home with you. No, it doesn’t. She doesn’t know you.”
A man stares at a woman at a bar. Photo Credit: Canva
The same creator posted a second video about another night, different bar, same basic dynamic. This time a man had approached one of his female friends, put his hands on her shoulders without asking, and kept going despite her visibly trying to shrug him off. When she tried to walk away, he reached for her hand. The TikTok user stepped in and told him to back off.
What happened next is the part that stayed with people. The man started apologizing, directing the apology not at the woman he’d been grabbing, but at the guy who’d intervened. “You didn’t do anything to me,” the creator told him. “You were harassing her.”
The man’s response: “I respect you so much.”
He described how confused and frustrated he felt in that moment. “Go apologize to her and change your behavior,” he said in the video, “because an apology without changed behavior is just a manipulation tactic.”
That line hit harder than the shot glass moment for a lot of viewers. The dynamic he was describing, where a man harms a woman and then seeks absolution from another man rather than the person he actually hurt, is one that gets talked about in academic gender studies literature but rarely gets explained so plainly in a 60-second video in a bathrobe.
Neither incident is complicated. Nobody got arrested, nobody threw a punch, nobody did anything that required a news alert. What spread was simpler than that: one person noticed something wrong, said something proportionate, and kept his head on straight when the whole thing got weird. Apparently that’s still worth talking about.
This article originally appeared earlier this year.
It’s true that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. But it’s our own personal relationship to those 24 hours that greatly determines what that day looks like.
Time is one of those things that is both a constant in our collective reality, and yet highly subjective to the individual. It’s why one person hears “We need to be there 6:30” and translates that to “We need to be out the door in fifteen minutes,” and another person translates it as “Oh, I have plenty of time to change my clothes, walk the dogs, listen to a podcast, and clean out that junk drawer!” And of course, these two individuals will be spouses. It is universal law.
It would seem that—much like how knowing whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between can help you navigate social settings—knowing your MO when it comes to time management can really help make your day flow a lot smoother.
That’s where the four “time personalities” come in.
In an article for Verywell Mind, experts Kristin Anderson, LCSW, and Dr. Ryan Sultan, explained that most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between “very rigid” and “very flexible.” There are, of course, various factors that dictate why we might fall into a certain spot—including neurodiversity, age, and other aspects of our overall personality. But regardless, knowing the gifts and challenges of our go-to time management settings can greatly affect how we “function.”
See which one below seems to resonate the most.
The 4 Time Personalities
1. The Time Optimist
The never-ending mantra, or perhaps the “famous last words,” of this personality is “I’ve got plenty of time!” regardless of what the clock says.
Because of this, Sultan says time optimists “don’t really feel pressure under a time crunch.” They truly believe they can fit multiple tasks into a short amount of time and don’t easily account for potential delays, which leads to chronic tardiness.
“They’re ones who leave for a dinner reservation with just enough time to get there, as long as there’s no traffic and they hit every green light,” said Sultan.
Folks who consider themselves time optimists might benefit from exploring the “double it rule,” which has you automatically double the amount of time you think it’ll take to get somewhere or complete a task.
2. Time Anxious
Unlike time optimists, “time anxious” personalities feel an enormous amount of pressure, assuming “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong (e.g., traffic, delays, getting lost on the way).” Therefore, they attempt to ease this tension by showing up to things incredibly early.
Dealing with time anxiety involves many of the same tools to handle everyday anxiety, such as grounding techniques (5-4-3-2-1 technique, deep breathing), cognitive restructuring (challenging perfectionism, setting realistic goals), and structured planning (using calendars/apps, setting “worry time”). These strategies help shift focus from the future to the present, reducing the fear of wasted time. And maybe, just maybe, the time anxious can experiment with being fashionably late to low-pressure situations.
3. Time Bender
For time benders, the whole concept of time is merely subjective. Where time optimists overestimate what they can accomplish within a certain amount of time, time benders create entirely different time rules for themselves. “Being 10 minutes late basically counts as on time,” Anderson uses as an example.
These are the curious, creative souls who thrive under pressure and easily lose track of time when they reach a flow state, or bounce from inspiring task to inspiring task.
To help curb time-bending tendencies, a good option could be the “Pomodoro Technique,” which has you working in focused, 25-minute bursts followed by short breaks to maintain high energy and concentration.
“Time blindness” might sound very close to “time optimism” and “time bending,” but the former is associated with an actual inability to perceive the passage of time. That’s why Anderson and Sultan explained that this category is frequently found in those with ADHD or executive function issues.
4. Time Blind
“It’s not that these folks don’t care about being late or making other people wait,” said Anderson. “Without external reminders or cues, it’s easy for them to lose track of how long things take, which makes sticking to a schedule more challenging.”
Sultan added, “Their brains actually have a difficult time registering and processing temporal information, causing impairments in working memory, executive functioning, and temporal discounting.”
Though time blindness might be more deeply ingrained than the other three personalities, there are several proven tools that can help—from simple, tried-and-true methods like visual/audio timers (think hourglasses and analog clocks) to apps designed to help strengthen time estimation. And of course, these tools aren’t exclusively beneficial to those with bona fide time blindness. Optimists and benders can try them out as well.
Once you better understand how you uniquely navigate time, you’re better able to (a) incorporate strategies that help you work within your limitations and (b) give yourself a little grace. Perhaps that last part is most important.
As many are in the habit of doing, a man recently took to TikTok to “vent.” His “story time” was about his choice to end a 10-year friendship after not getting invited to said friend’s wedding. It soon became undeniably clear that he wasn’t alone in having an experience like this.
In the now-viral clip, the creator, @yonosoyasi5, explained that he understood that weddings are special, expensive moments, and therefore “not everyone can go.”
However, he admitted that “I went through so much with this person that I thought I had made the cut.”
This blow ultimately caused @yonosoyasi5 to accept that the friendship as he knew it had come to a close. There was no animosity, but there wasn’t any effort, either.
“I wish him the best. I never wish him ill. But to say that I wanna be a part of his life now, it would be very fake. I just don’t care anymore,” he said.
Even when confronted by a member of that shared friend group, @yonosoyasi5 was upfront about his stance, saying, “What am I gonna hang out with him for? What’s the objective of me putting energy into this friendship?”
TikTok reacts
The video soon got an onslaught of comments from people who had similarly heartbreaking experiences—and developed similar mindsets.
“One of my BEST guy friends for 8+ years did not invite me to his wedding. I introduced him to his wife. They went out because of me. I have never been more hurt in my life. I cut off the relationship …and they always try to pull me back closer…I can never pull the knife out of my back.”
“It’s not actually the wedding invite, it’s finding out the person doesn’t see you as a close friend.”
“Once you exclude me from important moments, I will exclude you from my entire life.”
“I think at our age we want to get back what we put into friendships/relationships. You love with your whole heart, so to not have it reciprocated is hurtful. I feel ya.”
“Crazy…this happened to me…20 years of growing up down the drain.”
Lastly, one person even said, “friendship breakups are WORSE than romantic breakups.”
Woman sitting alone on a bench overlooking the water. – Photo credit: Canva Photos
Many experts seem to agree with this notion. Or, at the very least, that friendship loss triggers what’s known as “ambiguous grief,” which is the feeling of anguish that comes from losing someone physically while they are psychologically present (e.g., missing person, mental illness, divorce). Our stress responses are triggered, our feel-good chemicals get depleted, our sleep gets disrupted—which is all a science-based way of saying it hurts. Really bad.
This level of ambiguous grief really depends on what the friendship personally meant to a person. In @yonosoyasi5’s case, it meant a great deal. Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these difficult transitions.
Coping strategies for friendship loss
1. Allow yourself to grieve
Even once you’ve reached acceptance and found other meaningful relationships, waves of yearning for what’s past may still creep up. Allow space for those feelings. They will pass.
2. Use it as a learning opportunity
Without assigning blame, you can get curious about what might have caused the relationship to end. This way, you can set clear friendship intentions moving forward.
3. Engage in self-care
Journal, meditate, reclaim old passions, exercise, and get outdoors. These things tend to help with grief of all kinds.
4. Appreciate the support systems you still have
Taking stock of the good friends that remain in your life can help offset any feelings of loneliness and reinforce a sense of belonging, experts say.
Bottom line: cutting someone out of our lives hurts, but that pain might truly be the lesser evil in the long run. May we all have the foresight to know the difference and seek out those who do give us such grace.
People get very creative when it comes to cooking with limited ingredients and no budget. This combination is something people who lived through the Great Depression were very familiar with. It’s also something Black Americans experienced frequently in the 1800s, but time has stolen many of the ingenious recipes. Until now.
One woman is on a mission to dig up these lost recipes for Black History Month. All February, Sonja Norwood, who runs the social media page for Wick’d Confections and owns Sonja Norwood Custom Cookies, has been baking up long-lost Black American recipes. Though the ingredients have folks scratching their heads, her videos clear things up by sharing each dish’s history.
Peanuts became a major Southern crop after the Civil War, and at Tuskegee Institute, George Washington Carver helped popularize peanuts as an affordable, soil-restoring crop with hundreds of uses. In Black Southern kitchens, that peanut power turned into breads, cookies, cakes, candy… and survival baking. During the Great Depression and WWII rationing, butter, eggs, and milk were often scarce. Peanut butter became the substitute for fat and protein, and peanut butter bread became a school-lunch staple and family recipe passed down through generations. Serve warm with a nostalgic molasses glaze and you’ll understand why this deserves a comeback 🤎 🥜 Peanut Butter Bread (One-bowl, no eggs, no butter) Ingredients 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour (220 g) ½ cup granulated sugar (100 g) ¼ cup brown sugar (50 g) 1 tbsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 1 cup milk (240 ml) ¾ cup creamy peanut butter (190 g) 1 tsp vanilla extract Optional topping: 2 tbsp sugar Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C. Grease a 9×5 loaf pan. 2️⃣ Whisk flour, sugars, baking powder, salt. 3️⃣ Add milk, peanut butter, vanilla. Mix until just combined. 4️⃣ Spread into pan, sprinkle sugar if using. 5️⃣ Bake 50–60 min until toothpick comes out clean. 6️⃣ Cool 15 min, remove, slice. ✨ Molasses Glaze 2 tbsp butter (28 g) 3 tbsp molasses (45 ml) 2 tbsp milk (30 ml) 1 cup powdered sugar (120 g) ¼ tsp vanilla + pinch salt Optional: pinch cinnamon or ginger Melt butter, whisk in molasses + milk until warm. Remove from heat and whisk in powdered sugar until smooth. Stir in vanilla and salt. #BlackHistory BlackHistoryn#TikTokLearningCampaignFoodHistorye#VintageRecipes
One particular recipe caused the former Food Network contestant to give a disclaimer before tasting it, saying, “Before I try this, we understand that there’s a reason this pie exists, right? It’s genius. Very creative. That does not mean I have to like it.”
A unique recipe
Norwood tried her hand at vinegar pie, and just like viewers of the video, the baker was unsure how the dessert would turn out:
“Vinegar pie, also known as desperation pie, is classified as a pantry or make-do pie. As you can tell, this pie was born out of necessity, when fruit or citrus lemons were hard to come by. Home cooks used what they had on hand. Simple pantry staples to make something sweet, like sugar, eggs, butter, flour, and salt. A lot of people associate vinegar pie with the Great Depression, when fresh fruit was super expensive and scarce, but recipes go back much further. As early as 1855.”
Navy Bean Pie 🥧✨ A true heritage dessert with deep roots in Black American food culture. This traditional navy bean pie has a smooth, firm custard texture — rich, lightly spiced, and beautifully sliceable without hours of chilling. Simple ingredients, timeless flavor, and a recipe shaped by community and history. 🥧 Classic Navy Bean Pie (9-inch) Texture: traditional • smooth • firm custard • faster set Crust • 1 (9-inch) pie crust (homemade or store-bought) Filling • 1½ cups cooked navy beans (300 g) OR 1 (15-oz) can, drained & rinsed • ¾ cup unsalted butter, melted (170 g) • 1 cup evaporated milk (240 ml) • 4 large eggs • 1 cup granulated sugar (200 g) • 2 tbsp all-purpose flour (15 g) • 1 tbsp cornstarch (8 g) • 1 tbsp vanilla extract • 1 tsp cinnamon • ½ tsp nutmeg • ½ tsp salt ⭐ If using canned beans (flavor boost) • Rinse well • Simmer in fresh water 5–10 minutes • Drain completely Instructions 1️⃣ Preheat oven to 350°F / 175°C 2️⃣ Blend beans until completely smooth and creamy 3️⃣ Whisk butter, sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla, spices, flour, and cornstarch 4️⃣ Stir in blended beans until smooth 5️⃣ Pour into crust and smooth top 6️⃣ Bake 45–55 minutes (edges set, center barely jiggles) 7️⃣ Cool 1 hour at room temp, chill 1 hour for clean slices Slice, serve, and enjoy ✨ BlackHiBlackHistorynLearnOnTikTokeBeanPiesFoodHistoryalCooking
For the recipe, the custom cookie maker used vanilla, honey, and apple cider vinegar in the runny mixture. At first glance, it’s hard to see how this could turn into a pie meant to be cut and eaten with a fork, as it has the consistency of French toast batter. But once it’s poured into a pie pan and popped into the oven, it begins to look like a pie.
“Black cooks in the South and the Midwest adapted pantry-based dishes like this into their family food culture,” Norwood shares while mixing ingredients. “So you were going to see this pie at Sunday dinner and on special occasions, and it doesn’t taste the way you think a vinegar pie would taste. The acidity cuts through the sweetness and mimics lemon pie without the fruit.”
Lost Black American Recipes: Vinegar Pie 🥧 To kick off Black History Month, I’m starting a series honoring lost and forgotten Black American recipes—beginning with vinegar pie. Also known as desperation pie or pantry pie, this dessert was born from necessity. When fruit and citrus were scarce, home cooks used simple pantry staples to create something sweet, comforting, and joyful. Made with sugar, eggs, butter, and a splash of apple cider vinegar, vinegar pie has a flaky crust and a rich custard filling. The vinegar doesn’t make it sour—it adds brightness, mimicking the tang of fruit and balancing the sweetness. It’s a reminder of how Black foodways transform struggle into creativity and care. 🖤 Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie): 4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar. Follow along as we honor Black history through food—one lost recipe at a time. #BlackHistoryMonth#BlackAmericanFood#LostRecipes#BlackFoodHistory#FoodReels
Viewers were shocked at how good the pie looked when it was done. Some even plan to give the Black American recipe a try. One person writes, “I[t] looks good and it was way less vinegar than my mind thought lol.”
Another says, “This looks so good! My grandma is 93 born & raised in Georgia and she swears by this pie & buttermilk pie. She watched this & just kept saying ‘yup, yup’ so I know it’s good.”
This person appreciates the history: “I appreciated acknowledging that it came out of necessity and that you don’t have to like it. Sometimes people have to make due with what they have and it’s not always what you necessarily want.”
Lost Black American Recipes: Blackberries & Dumplings 🍇🥟 Blackberries and dumplings is a sweet summertime dish rooted in Black American food culture. When sugar and money were scarce, the land provided. Black families relied on foraging, gathering blackberries that grew freely along fence lines, woods, and roadsides across the South. What began as necessity became tradition — turning simple ingredients into a communal, nourishing meal. Passed down orally and cooked intuitively, this dish was rarely written into cookbooks. Flour stretched what little was available, dumplings absorbed the berry juices, and one pot could feed many for very little. Though we still see cobblers today, blackberries and dumplings remain a largely forgotten seasonal treat — one deeply connected to land, resilience, and care. Blackberries & Dumplings Recipe Blackberry Syrup: 4 cups blackberries 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 tbsp lemon juice Lemon zest Dumplings: 2 cups flour ¼ cup sugar 1½ tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt ¼ tsp nutmeg ¾ cup milk 1 egg 1 tsp vanilla Simmer blackberries with sugar, water, lemon juice, and zest until juicy. Mix dumpling dough until it feels right. Drop spoonfuls into simmering berries, don’t stir, cover and cook 15 minutes. Uncover and simmer 5 more minutes. Serve warm with plenty of syrup. Follow along as I honor Black history through lost recipes — one pot at a time. #BlackHistory#TikTokLearningCampaign#BlackAmericanFood#LostRecipes#FoodHistory
“This is brilliantly done,” someone else writes. “Showing the ingenuity and innovation of Black folks is beautiful! This video is information and funny! I’m glad you actually liked the pie. Def going to ask my 90 year old granny about this recipe. Thanks for posting this.”
Vinegar Pie Recipe (9-inch pie):
4 eggs ½ cup sugar ½ cup brown sugar ½ tsp vanilla 6 tbsp butter, melted 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp honey 2 tbsp flour ¾ tsp salt Unbaked 9-inch pie crust
Blind bake crust at 350°F (175°C). Whisk remaining ingredients until smooth, pour into crust, and bake 35–45 minutes. The center should still wobble slightly when gently shaken. Cool completely and dust with powdered sugar.
Visiting different states within America can sometimes feel like traveling to a completely different country, given the significant cultural differences and accents. Visiting parts of Louisiana may make you feel like you require a translator to navigate your vacation, as people often speak Creole or Cajun—both of which have very thick, unique accents. Southern Mississippi also has a mishmash of accents that range from Cajun to a non-distinct regional accent.
But one thing North Carolina has in common with states like Texas, Mississippi, and Louisiana is that they all have a range of southern colloquialisms that translate fine between southern states. It’s when those creative southern phrases make their way above the Mason-Dixon Line that causes some confusion. Many southerners who travel north for work, pleasure, or relocation adapt quickly to not using uniquely southern phrases after experiencing looks of bewildered confusion.
Oftentimes, southerners don’t even know where their beloved and well-used phrases originated or why. As far as a Google search pulls up, there’s never been a child born in the world who has ever been small enough to be “knee high to a grasshopper,” but that’s not going to stop PawPaw from saying it. People who are used to hearing the sometimes outrageous phrases simply interpret them themselves and add them to their own lexicon for future use.
General Southern expressions to keep in your pocket
1. “You don’t believe fat meat is greasy.”
This is an expression often used when someone is intent on not listening to advice. It essentially means they won’t believe it until they see or experience it themselves. We all know someone who has to learn lessons the hard way, and this is the saying that conveys that message without sounding harsh.
A phrase like this is used a lot by elders. It just adds a little dramatic flair when they’re making plans. In a conversation, it would go like this: “So, I’ll see you next Sunday at the potluck, right?” There may be a pause for emphasis along with a fist perched on their hip before responding, “The Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.” Just know they’ll be there as long as they wake up in the morning and there’s no natural disaster preventing them from getting there.
3. “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
This particular one is a phrase my husband uses often. It is often said by men doing manual labor, whether it’s at work or around the house. If someone is trying something that isn’t working, they have to come up with a better idea of how to make it work. If the original person pushes back on trying it a different way, that’s when you’ll hear, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” To date, no one has skinned a cat to prove a point, that I’m aware of, but there’s debate on its origin. It’s believed to come from a phrase used in the mid-1600s in England, “There’s more than one way to kill a dog than hanging.”
Eventually, it got changed to the cat idiom southerners say today, though some suggest the phrase came from when women’s coats were made from cat fur…(that’s information you can’t unlearn). Either way, as someone who has lived in the south for more than 20 years, you can rest assured that the only people skinning cats down here are taxidermists with the pet owner’s permission. Just know they’re saying there’s more than one way to get the job done.
4. “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
This is just a fancy way of telling someone not to lie to you.
5. “Well, you look rode hard and put up wet.”
Honestly, if someone says this to you, you’re looking mighty bad. This means not only do you look exhausted, but you also look disheveled, and maybe even ill. When people say this, it’s not meant to be rude. They’re typically genuinely concerned about your well-being, whether it be that you appear to need a break or you need to rest and get some soup in your belly.
6. “P*ss or get off the pot” and “Fish or cut bait.”
These two phrases mean the exact same thing. They’re calling out someone’s lack of progress and can be applied to all sorts of situations. It means to do what you’re supposed to be doing or get out of the way so someone else can do the job you won’t. By the time someone says this, they’re a little annoyed, so it’s best to go ahead and “pee or get off the pot” before they move you over and do it themselves.
7. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
You can stick this in the same category as, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.” It’s meant to convey genuine surprise and delight in information they’ve just received or upon seeing someone they haven’t seen in a while and weren’t expecting. It’s a fun one to say, even outside of the South, due to the humorous element.
8. “I’ve got a hitch in my giddy-up”
You’ve got a limp due to hurting yourself somehow, or you’re feeling under the weather in some way that’s slowing you down.
9. “Why, bless your little pea-pickin’ heart.”
Ouch! You’ve just been insulted, and they wanted to make sure you knew. “Bless your heart” on its own can be said in a condescending way or a genuine, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” way. Using tone and context clues can help you decipher the difference. But when they add “little pea-pickin” right in the middle of the phrase, go grab some ointment because that was meant to sting.
10. “I’m going to snatch her baldheaded.”
Whoever is the target of that comment should probably avoid being around the person making it. See also, “I’m going to jerk a knot in her tail.” When it’s an adult directing the comment at another adult, it could simply mean they’re going to have a verbal confrontation. But, depending on the person, it could also mean physical confrontation because that is not off the table in Southern culture. If it’s a parent directing the expression towards their child, then it usually means that the child is going to get into trouble.
11. “Pull your dress down, everyone can see Christmas.”
This feels self-explanatory, but it’s something you might hear a friend say to another friend to address a wardrobe malfunction. You may also hear a parent telling their young daughter a version of this as they’re learning how to properly sit in a dress. Also see, “Pull down that skirt! We can see clear to the promised land.”
12. “They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”
Also in the vein of calling someone unattractive, one might say, “He’s so ugly he could make paint peel.”
13. “Pants are so tight you can see his thoughts.”
Those are some really tight pants.
14. “She’s just as loony as a Betsy Bug.”
Until today, I had no idea what a Betsy Bug was, but apparently it’s a type of beetle that eats decomposing wood. There doesn’t seem to be an explanation for what makes the beetle loony, though.
15. “Well, aren’t you as bright as a box of black crayons.”
Have you ever seen a bright black crayon? If southerners are good at one thing, it’s insults.
16. “That boy’s so dumb he’d throw himself on the ground and miss.”
See also: “He ain’t got the good sense God gave a mule,” and, “If he had an idea, it would die of loneliness.”
Bonus sayings you don’t want to miss
Clearly, southerners have a way with words, but there are a few more that can be fun to pull out for a party trick. A favorite is, “That really burns my biscuits,” but a close second is, “I’m fuller than a tick on a dog’s behind.” If you want to get around the ears of nosey children while having a chat about an adult encounter, some people in the south will say, “He took me to church,” “I was singing opera,” or “We stayed in and played the piano.”
Whenever you decide to pull out any of these phrases, just make sure it’s not one that’ll make someone “madder than a wet hen,” and you’ll be golden.
