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A message to my fellow Christians: I hope you're having a super uncomfortable Pride month

I know from painful, hard-earned experience what discomfort can do to change minds.

Two people smiling together wearing Pride gear
Photo credits: Mary Katherine Backstrom, Steve Johnson/Pexels

Nobody should live in fear.

This post was originally published on Substack. You can find it here.

I was a small town, conservative girl when my husband and I relocated to Orlando, Florida. I spent my time going from work to the barn, work to the barn, crying as I brushed my horse's mane.

"I'll never make friends in this town,” I sobbed over the phone with my mom one night.

The next day at work, I met Matt.

He had a brilliant smile and a southern drawl and he sounded like home. He loved horses, too, having spent years doing rodeo. Our friendship was instant and easy.

He visited the barn and taught me how to lasso. I picked up his favorite latte on the way to work. And on our lunch breaks, he would gush all about the love of his life, Jesse. I assumed Jesse was a girl, but that assumption turned out to be wrong. When we all met for lunch one day, I couldn't conceal my shock.

"Oh my GOSH, Matt! You're gay?"

"Um, DUH." He laughed. “Did the cowboy hat throw you off?”

I then remembered he had recently pointed out a bar a few blocks from my house. He mentioned that it was a fun place to go, and I replied that one day we should….but I hadn’t noticed the rainbow details.

"MK, your gay-dar isn't malfunctioning. It's completely nonexistent."

Matt and Jesse told me funny stories about drag contests and bouncers who wore shorty shorts. They insisted I would love Thursday night karaokes, but I assured them it wasn't my scene.

I blushed and giggled a little at the idea. It sounded fun, if not a bit scandalous.

Two people smiling together wearing Pride gear

Pride is not just some party.

Mary Katherine Backstrom

A week or so after that hilarious lunch date, I was driving home from a friend’s house, when I witnessed a young lady get struck by a car. I swerved to the side of the road and jumped out of my vehicle, screaming.

In an instant, people poured out of the bar to assist in the emergency. I barely registered that they were dressed flamboyantly. Their make up didn't strike me as strange. In that moment, we were all scared human beings. Their hearts were racing just like mine.

A drag queen cradled the woman’s head in his hands as I called the police.

“Don’t move, baby girl,” he comforted the woman. “Don’t mess up these pretty braids.”

It was a fraction of a moment that felt like forever. I can still hear her crying for Momma. Thankfully, the club was a block from the hospital. The ambulance arrived in an instant.

When the lights and sirens finally faded, my adrenaline couldn’t handle silence. It was like every one of us had been shaken like soft drinks, and in that moment, we had all cracked open. There were hugs and prayers exchanged between strangers. I remember someone humming a hymn.

Then slowly, one by one, the crowd dispersed. We had to go back to our lives. But not before exchanging a couple of phone numbers, promising to disperse any updates.

I called my friends, Matt and Jesse. I knew the gay community was a close one and I wondered if they had heard any news.

Matt asked around, but didn’t hear much.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “We will know more tomorrow.”

I decided to stay up until then.

The next morning, we all went to breakfast with the drag queens who had started a text thread for updates. We bonded over hash browns and our collective trauma—and after coffee, just some regular life stories.

The woman, we learned, was in critical condition. Two broken legs and a fractured spine. James, who had cradled her head so gently, had probably saved her life. Turns out, he had done so with great intention because not only was he a drag queen, but once a month he returned to his rural hometown to serve as a medic for the volunteer fire department.

A hero. An absolute gem of a human.

Two years later, those same gentle heroes were working their jobs at Pulse when a hate-crazed terrorist made his way through the doors with a semi-automatic rifle. When he first started shooting, some patrons kept dancing.

They thought it was part of the music.

That detail never fails wreck my heart.

They kept dancing.

They just wanted to dance.

I’ll never forget the pit in my stomach as I stared at my phone through the night. Praying each name in that years-long text thread was sleeping at home in their beds. After four sleepless nights, we received confirmation—two of the group had been working. Both had escaped and survived the massacre.

But it wasn’t a happy ending.

An act of hate forever changed their lives, and they were deeply, irreversibly altered. One turned to drugs and the other disappeared. I pray he is still alive, somewhere.

But, yes. They survived. Thank God, I should say.

In an act of terror that killed 49 and hurt scores more, they were the lucky ones.

But when I think of that word...”lucky”.

God, it honestly pisses me off.

That’s how low the bar is, y’all. That’s where we are as a society.

Our gay friends are sometimes just lucky to survive.

How can this be who we are?

If you talk to the LGBTQ community, and I mean really get to know them, you will hear a whole lot of heart breaking versions of what they consider to be “lucky.”

Their parents didn’t disown them. They are lucky.

They haven’t been physically assaulted. Lucky.

They survived a terrorist attack.

Lucky.

I am so deeply over this shit.

Nobody, nobody should live in fear. Nobody should feel lucky that they’ve avoided physical abuse, or emotional abuse, or my Lord, mass murder.

Six short years after the Pulse shooting, what is it going to take?

Look how broken America is. Look what this hate has cost us.

And look at the religious mouthpieces for hate who are becoming more and more emboldened.

Just last week, I posted a meme celebrating the beginning of Pride. It said:

Wishing all the homophobes a SUPER uncomfortable month!

I post it every year and I usually laugh my butt off. It’s too easy to predict all the comments. It’s the same old crap, different mouths, every year.

“Well, that’s not very Christlike.”

“I don't hate anyone! I hate the sin, but I don’t hate the sinner.”

“Ohhhhhh, well who is intolerant now?”

This year, I am truly done laughing. I used to abide this shit, but to be honest, I really can’t do it, anymore. I’ve read and I’ve lived through enough horrible history to understand this terrible truth: Polite hate is the most dangerous kind of hate. It loads the gun, then just backs away quietly.

Christians, please, open your eyes. It’s two thousand and freaking twenty four. I know that you know exactly how this works. You don’t get a pass for good manners.

I won’t let you hide behind pat platitudes when your beliefs give motive to terrorists.

You don’t get to say “it’s the sin that I hate” when that mantra makes bullets for terrorists.

And yah, I guess you could call me intolerant. Smack that sticker on my forehead, I don’t care. For years, I have tolerated far too much from the bigoted backrow Baptists. But the paradox of tolerance states that if a society's practice of tolerance is inclusive of the intolerant…in the end, intolerance will win the day.

And that’s exactly how people die dancing.

So yah, not only do I wish the homophobes reading an incredibly uncomfortable month—I hope this discomfort convicts your soul, and makes you question EVERYTHING. I hope the itch in your spirit spreads to places you can’t bend over to scratch.

I hope enough people walk away from your screeching that you are left alone with your hate. And I hope that hate makes you sick to your stomach when you realize the harm it has caused.

Being gay is not a sin. And Pride is not some party.

It’s a courageous protest that weak minded fearful bigots just can’t comprehend.

It’s authenticity in the face of oppression. Vulnerability in the face of violence.

Pride is the spirit of millions of people who have chosen to dance in the crosshairs.

Growing up in the church, I was frequently told that there are evil forces at work. That these forces were fighting against God’s will, and causing harm to His people. Now, I can see that the threat was true, but it was coming from inside the house.

There are evil, hateful forces at work right now…against the LGBTQ community. Some of those forces look like Saints when they’re hiding behind stained glass.

It’s gonna take a force, equal and opposite in power and passion, to turn the church around. So, if you’re a Christian who has been fence-sitting this issue, it’s time to get off the damn fence.

This June, I beg you to look past the prejudice and the preaching you’ve had crammed down your throat your whole life. Look past your anger, and your pastor’s fear. Look at these beautiful humans. Trying with all their hearts to claim the dignity and love and safety that they, as humans, deserve.

This?

THIS is what you are scared of?

These are the forces of evil?

If that’s what you think then, my friend, you’ve been brainwashed.

I get it. I was brainwashed, too.

But all along, I deep down in my heart, I knew there was something amiss. I couldn’t quite rationalize what I knew of God’s love with the hate I saw coming from church.

For twenty years, I was too afraid to challenge my faith. I thought that it might fall apart.

But that is EXACTLY why I wish all the homophobes a SUPER uncomfortable month. Because I know from painful, hard-earned experience what discomfort can do to change minds.

So, instead of doubling down on your hateful theology…I ask you, non-affirming Christians, in the name of our faith. In the name of God’s love.

Will you please put your weapons down?

Will you consider the lesson that I learned on the street in front of Pulse so many years ago?

Will you feel the heartbeats of your fellow humans, and for once SEE YOURSELF IN THEM?

I beg you to try.

I beg you to grow.

It’s already been far too late.

You can follow Mary Katherine Backstrom on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

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Ocean Wise
Be Ocean Wise
Sustainability

Amazing ocean facts you never learned in school

Not even Captain Ahab knew this much about marine life.

Photo by Milos Prelevic on Unsplash
brown fish beside coral under body of water

The ocean covers more than 70 percent of our planet—yet there’s so much about it that we don’t yet know. Experts, in fact, believe we’ve only explored about five percent of the ocean so far—meaning that most of it remains completely unseen and undiscovered.

What we do know, however, is that the ocean is truly wise. Not only does it sustain all human and animal life on the planet, the creatures under the sea continue to give scientists insight that can transform human lives as well (just read about the amazing axolotl below to see what we mean).

A happy ocean makes for happy, healthy human beings (not to mention a healthy planet)—so this summer we’re helping our friends at Ocean Wise spread the word that no action is too small—holding a cleanup on a local shoreline, for instance. Learning about our ocean and all its wonders is another step anyone can take for conservation, so buckle in and prepare for a tidal wave of info that will blow your mind.

1. Playing music—specifically, recordings of healthy reef soundscapes—can help grow coral reef populations.

live coralsPhoto by QUI NGUYEN on Unsplash

Healthy coral reef populations are filled with diverse sounds, thanks to the fish, snapping shrimp, and other marine life that live there. Scientists have found that playing recorded sounds of healthy reefs actually attract coral larvae, since the sounds indicate a healthy, vibrant habitat. Using this knowledge, scientists have taken recorded reef sounds, played them near degraded reefs, and in doing so, have increased the settlement rates of coral larvae, helping the coral reefs regenerate.

2. Dolphins like to party with pufferfish.

Photo by Talia Cohen on Unsplash

How’s this for a good time? Dolphins, particularly younger ones, have been known to seek out pufferfish to play games with them, chewing on them and passing them back and forth between each other like a hacky sack. Not only is this entertainment for the dolphins, scientists theorize that they may intentionally be trying to get the pufferfish to give off a neurotoxin called tetrodotoxin (TTX)–which is a chemical they release when threatened. This chemical is highly toxic in large doses–but in small quantities, experts think that it might induce a mild, pleasurable effect in the dolphins, similar to a narcotic. Party on.

3. Male humpback whales are total crooners.

A male humpback whale breaches the water.

Photo by Thomas Kelley on Unsplash

All humpback whales can vocalize, but male humpback whales actually sing.

During mating season, scientists have observed male humpback whales making sounds that are distinctly different from other humpback calls. Unlike other sounds, these songs have a clear structure, and use small, repetitive “phrases” organized in a specific sequence—in the same way humans sing different verses during a song. Even more amazing? Male humpbacks all sing the same song together in “choruses,” in sessions that last from five minutes to several hours.

4. Axolotls have superpowers (and scientists think it could benefit humans one day).

a couple of animals that are in some waterPhoto by T K on Unsplash

Among biologists, axolotls are known for their ability to regrow lost or damaged tissue. When an adult axolotl loses a limb, they can actually grow it back in just a few months time, thanks to a substance they produce called retinoic acid, which plays a large role in regenerating skin cells. (If the name sounds familiar, it’s because retinoic acid is a derivative of Vitamin A, and it’s commonly found in skin creams.) While we already know that retinoic can make our skin look fabulous, scientists are currently studying whether it could someday help human limbs regrow, similar to the axolotl’s.

5. A healthy ocean can help reverse climate change

green algae underwater photographyPhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

The ocean generates half of the oxygen we breathe and absorbs nearly a third of the world’s carbon emissions. Phytoplankton, the microscopic algae that float near the ocean’s surface, are a big part of the reason why. But there’s another unsung hero—kelp. Unlike phytoplankton, kelp are large seaweeds that grow in dense underwater forests along coastlines, absorbing CO2 and supporting ecosystems. Ocean Wise is helping bring back these powerful carbon sinks one kelp forest at a time.

Help us #BeOceanWise by doing one small thing for ocean conservation in your community (because just one thing can start a huge wave of positive change). Visit ocean.orgfor tips and tricks to keep our oceans healthy because no action is too small.

Art

It took 14 years and 380 global embroiders to make one stunningly meaningful dress

A truly multicultural art project with style touches from 51 different countries.

Photos courtesy of The Red Dress project
Embroiderer Lekazia Turner wearing The Red Dress.

Few things bring people together more beautifully than art. Whether it's music, sculpture, paint or fabric, the arts are a way for us to express ourselves, our cultures and our common humanity. But rarely do we witness one singular piece of art truly encapsulating the creativity of our human family.

At first glance, the dress created for the Red Dress project is quite obviously stunning. It looks as though it could be worn by a royal—though a royal from where? The style, colors and patterns of the dress don't shout any particular country or culture; in fact, we can point to different elements of it and say it looks like it belongs on any continent.

There's a reason for that. The dress is made out of 84 pieces of burgundy silk dupion, which spent 14 years being sent around the world to be embroidered by 380 people from 51 countries—a truly global, multicultural creation.

Of those 380 embroiderers, about a third were commissioned artisans who were paid for their work and receive a portion of all ongoing exhibition fees. The rest were volunteers who contributed their stitches at events in various countries. Approximately 97% of the embroiderers were female.

British textile artist Kirstie Macleod conceived the project in 2009 as "an investigation into identity, with a desire to connect with women from the around without borders and boundaries." The basic design started as a sketch on the back of a napkin and has grown into a tangible garment that is not only a gorgeous work of art but a platform for women around the world and from all walks of life to express themselves and have their voices heard.

As shared on the project's website:

"Embroiderers include female refugees from Palestine and Syria, women seeking asylum in the UK from Iraq, China, Nigeria and Namibia, victims of war in Kosovo, Rwanda, and DR Congo; impoverished women in South Africa, Mexico, and Egypt; individuals in Kenya, Japan, Turkey, Sweden, Peru, Czech Republic, Dubai, Afghanistan, Australia, Argentina, Switzerland, Canada, Tobago, Vietnam, Estonia, USA, Russia, Pakistan, Wales, Colombia and England, students from Montenegro, Brazil, Malta, Singapore, Eritrea, Norway, Poland, Finland, Ireland, Romania and Hong Kong as well as upmarket embroidery studios in India and Saudi Arabia."

On Instagram, Kirstie Macleod shared a panel of the dress that was embroidered by two women in Kosovo, who shared some of their reflections on their experiences in the war there.

They stitched words into the birds they embroidered:

"Better one winter in your own country than a hundred springs away."

"The greatest wealth is to live content with little."

"Freedom has come. Love yourself first."

"Love all. Trust some. Hate none."

"A winter is a winter. Be nice, everyone."

"We live in peace now."

The creation of the dress began in 2009 and was completed in 2023. Each woman embroidered a piece of her own story into the dress, which contains millions of stitches. From established professional artisans to first-time embroiderers, the women were encouraged to share something that expressed their personal identities as well as their cultures. Some used traditional embroidery styles that had been practiced for hundreds of years where they are from. Others stitched in meaningful elements of their life stories. Some of the women are also using textile work to rebuild their lives and earn a consistent living.

The dress is on tour, being displayed in museums and galleries around the world. The photos showing women of various ages and ethnicities wearing the dress are made all the more moving knowing the history of how and by whom it was made.

In May 2025, a book detailing the dress's creation and journey around the world was published and can be found here.

Absolutely stunning. What a wonderful idea to connect women in a way that lets them share their stories and showcases and beautifully honors them.

This article first appeared three years ago and has been updated.

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Joy

5 small things that made us smile this week

Your weekly cheat sheet to the best of the Internet

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Life can be bleak, so we’re going to be celebrating the small joys while we can—whether that’s asweet snack that boosts your mood (courtesy of our friends atAll In), or a picture so incredibly goofy it restores your faith in the algorithm (even if only for a second). These momentary mood boosters are everywhere you look—you just have to be able to find them underneath all the noise. And that’s where we come in.

Consider this weekly web series your cheat sheet to the best of the Internet—not just random memes to make you laugh, but examples of people truly finding something extraordinary in the mundane. Each Friday we'll be delivering five pieces of media that allow you to stop for a second, take a breath, and feel just a little bit brighter among the daily stress. (Think of us as your chronically online bestie who knows exactly how to make you smile, exactly when you need it the most.)

Ready to smile? Here we go.

1. Unplanned triplets 

@murdockmultiples The first of many family reactions to our spontaneous triplet news! Telling my parents we were expecting spontaneous triplets 👶🏻👶🏻👶🏻 And yes my dad didn’t understand that “Baby B” meant twins at first 😂 #spontaneoustriplets #tripletreaction #triplets #murdockmultiples #murdocktriplets #surprisetriplets ♬ original sound - Murdock Multiples

Pregnancy reveals are always fun to watch, but this one is three times as exciting. In this viral TikTok clip, these new grandparents get exciting news when their adult daughter tells them she is pregnant with twins. But wait–there’s more. In what’s probably the shock of their lives, she then reveals that, on second glance, there’s a third baby in there. As in, spontaneous triplets. Three babies. Unplanned. Their reaction is both adorable and totally real: “I don’t even KNOW people with triplets!” Congrats, grandpa–you’re the people, now!

2. Little moments of morning joy

This week, the All In crew is polling people on the streets of New York City about small, everyday things in the morning that bring people joy, from gorgeous greenery to the early morning sun catching the light in just the right way. Just listening to these is making us feel super relaxed.

3. This teacher doing the absolute most for Pride Month

@joey_.veres Mr. Folnsbee the ally that you are @nadipowers @lanie @Fatty ♬ suono originale - 𝙎𝙊𝙁𝙏𝙇𝙔

Meet Mr. Folnsbee, a high school teacher from Horseheads, New York who’s taking Pride Month to the next level. In support of Pride Month (and, presumably, the LGBTQIA+ students at his high school), Folnsbee lets students bedazzle his head with rainbow gemstones—so much so that it looks like a giant, glittering Pride flag. Talk about setting a good example for the next generation!

4. The "goodnight" trend 

@sydsacks I’ve been cracking up at this trend so I made Peter call his besties to say goodnight 🤪 #goodnight #besties ♬ original sound - syd

Calling a friend and wishing them goodnight is a sweet gesture, right? What if the person you were calling was someone you haven’t spoken to in years, or someone with whom you’re just a casual acquaintance? That’s what people are doing in this new TikTok “prank,” and the results are so funny they’ll have you crying. They’re also so sweet, as the responses range from being confused but polite, to wanting to have a long conversation, to being genuinely concerned for the caller’s mental health. It might be a “prank,” but it definitely shows how much we all truly need human connection.

5. Spontaneous street singing

This could only happen in New York City. Instagram users @sabrinakvictor and @thecoryterrell — who were strangers before this video — shared a moment recently on a chance meeting in NYC when the two started singing the exact same song. Watch as the two of them vibe out to "Impossible" by James Arthur and try not to smile or sing along as you watch them (it's actually impossible). The joy here is actually contagious—and the harmonies are on point.

For even more “extra”-ordinary moments, come find us on social media (@upworthy) or on upworthy.com!

For scrumptious snacks that add an extra boost of joy to your day, be sure to check out All In.

Internet

Gen X has been designated the 'worst grandparents.' Sadly, their explanation makes sense.

The latch-key generation doesn't hate their family, they're burnt out.

Photo credit: Canva

Gen X designated the 'worst grandparents' by Millennials

Generation X, typically the children of Baby Boomers born between the years of 1965-1980 tend to have a complicated reputation depending on who you ask. Some view them as a feral generation never to be spoken of poorly without consequence, while others view them as innovators pushing us into the future. But in recent years, Gen Xers have been dubbed the "worst grandparents" by social media users.

This multi-year conversation started when a video went viral calling Gen X out for being "terrible" grandparents, claiming that they never want to help with grandchildren. It didn't take long before other Millennials piled on to air their own grievances about Gen X grandparents. Most people criticizing the "new grandparents" were genuinely perplexed as to how they did not want to be more involved in the lives of their grandchildren.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZFamily baking fun in the kitchen.Photo credit: Canva

Kylie Muse reveals in a video that she felt neglected by her Gen X parents growing up, saying, "It's quite a common theme for Gen X parents to be neglectful in some capacity and it's just crazy to me how more of them haven't learned from the past 20 to 30 years, instead of these grandparents seeing their kids having kids as an opportunity to restore the health in their relationships with their kids by showing up and helping them during the hardest transition of their lives, they would rather double down and compromise their relationship with that next generation. All for the sake of hyper-individualism and pride."

@kylies.muse Gen x grandparents and their beloved empty nest 🥴 just say you hate having a family 😭 #grandparents #grandparentsoftiktok ♬ original sound - Kylie ꩜

The critique coming from the younger generation is not lost on Gen X, and they started coming out in force to respond with such vigor you'd think John Hughes had just announced the re-release of The Breakfast Club. It would seem that some of the people complaining of the lack of involvement have not considered that Gen X could have valid reasons for not immediately jumping in to take on grandparenting in the way some expect. A man by the name of John S. Blake gives a candid look into why Gen X was neglected as children and, in turn, became hype-independent at an early age.

"As a Gen X who's been on this earth long enough to have some hindsight I can tell you this, being independent at a young age is not a flex, what it actually means is capitalism is so brutal that our parents were forced to neglect their own children to stay alive. My generation was struggling so much that we had to leave our children unattended in order to produce enough so that we could afford to exist," Blake says.

@blackfluidpoet Replying to @ellens0061 #foryoupage #homealone #fyp #foryou ♬ Slippin' - Re-Recorded - DMX

But perhaps one of the most heart wrenching explanations comes from an elder Millennial who goes by the name Amazing Dea. In response to another Millennial who asks about Gen X being let off the hook, Dea shares, "Being as though you look like you might be a younger Millennial, let me go ahead and enlighten you. Generation X and older Millennials had to live through more than just this pandemic. We had the crack epidemic, we had the AIDS epidemic and let me tell you something, it was scary as f***."

Dea went on to explain that there were apartment complexes burned due to high populations of people with AIDS living in them and how they would witness people go from being completely normal to being addicted to crack in a matter of weeks. It seems that depending on socioeconomic status, Gen Xers lived wildly different lives with the common theme being growing up entirely too fast at an extremely young age.

Gen X; Gen X grandparents; absent grandparents; Gen X worst grandparents; Millennials; worst grandparents; Gen ZThree generations smiling by the sea.Photo credit: Canva

Another person kindly breaks down the confusion over why Gen X isn't rising to the occasion of being award-winning grandparents. In response to the criticism she replies, "We grew up in a different time, first of all. A lot of us, meaning me, Gen X, I was raised by boomers. A lot of us did not get raised by our grandparents. We were like the feral kids, like by 7 and 9 years old we were actually babysitting our brothers and sisters, alright."

The woman explains further in the video that Gen X doesn't want to raise their grandchildren or simply be babysitters, that there's a difference between expecting grandparents to be involved and expecting them to be babysitters.

@that1crazy72 Let’s take it a step further. You share DNA with your grandkids they are part of you not everyone gets the privilege of being a grandparent so if you are one take that as a blessing #genxgrandparents ♬ original sound - That1crazy72

In many of the response videos shared by Gen Xers, they certainly seem to love their grandchildren and children alike, but there's a discrepancy in expectation. The consensus of the forgotten generation seems to be that they had adult responsibilities much too early, were exposed to adult life experiences at a young age, and were often left to their own devices for long periods of time while also being told that their voices didn't matter.

While the argument seems to be around their lack of involvement as grandparents, they appear to be saying that they want to enjoy the freedom they didn't have as children, while being valued as a person and not a babysitter. In many follow up videos, Gen Xers gushed over their grandchildren and how they loved when they were around. It's just that they draw the line at raising them. Maybe for some, their experiences with their own childhood isn't enough to move Gen X out of the "worst grandparents" category, but for others it provides much needed context.

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Women's Health

A gynecologist asked women how visits could be improved. Thousands responded, in detail.

"How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

Photo credit: Canva

Many would agree that gynecology visits could be improved upon.

When picturing a doctor’s office, you might imagine a less than warm atmosphere. Those oh-so-lovely fluorescent lights instantly come to my mind. Imagine if a doctor told you, “I want to design our visit in a way that makes you feel most comfortable.” Suddenly that annual check-up doesn’t sound so dreadful after all.

Dr. Ryan Stewart, a urogynecologist at the Midwest Center for Pelvic Health, recently asked women to weigh in on the redesign of his office. Posting the question to X, he wrote: “I have the opportunity to design my office from scratch. I’m asking women. How would you design/optimize a visit to the gynecologist’s office? No detail is too small.”

gynecology, gynecologist, women's health, medicine, OBGYNThe gynecologist's office is a vulnerable place.Photo credit: Canva

His tweet ended with “If I’ve ever had a tweet worthy of virality, it’s this one.”

And boy was he right. His tweet nearly instantly received thousands of replies. Turns out, there are a lot of ways to improve a visit to the gyno.

Including:

Empathy toward sexual trauma

This includes starting the exam off asking if a patient has any trauma, and not dismissing feelings of discomfort, according to commenters.

Improved intimacy

As part of improved privacy, many advocated to not be asked if an intern can observe while the intern is still in the room.

"It's hard to say no to them," one person wrote.

Another added "I'm sitting on the table in the gown and [the gyno] brings in this young guy and says 'you don't mind him observing this do you?' I consented but have been pissed off ever since and never went back to her."

One person mentioned that their current doctor recently swapped the thin, exposing paper gown for spa style robes, adding both privacy and a dash of luxury.

Diverse posters

This suggestion comes aptly timed, as the diagram (above) of a black fetus recently inspired a viral conversation. Many were noting that they had never seen one in medical imagery before.

One person remarked, "I am 53 years old and have never seen myself represented in anything in a doctor's office, even pamphlets. Change that!"

Mental health screenings

Waiting until the clothes are ON to disclose important info

"Don’t discuss care or diagnoses when people are naked," pleaded a commenter in a now-deleted tweet. "I remember how much more respected and comfortable I felt when a new gynaecologist introduced himself to me while I was clothed, did the exam, then had me get dressed and meet him in his office to discuss care! Much better!"

Bottom line: It's already a vulnerable time. Let people have a moment to get comfortable.

One person added "I have always had to specifically ask to be able to talk to my doctor clothed first. Even when I hadn't met that doctor yet. I feel like that should be default, not up to me to ask for. It's such a power imbalance already, don't add unnecessary vulnerability."

Ditching the pink

To some, it's mildly annoying. To others, it's even triggering.

One person tweeted, "I went through a breast cancer scare, & EVERY women's medical office I went to–pink EVERYWHERE. I was at a really terrified moment in my life, & pink, pink, pink. I 100% can't stand it anymore."

Offering pain meds

Potentially painful procedures like IUD insertions or cervical biopsies typically only offer medication upon request. This Twitter user suggested offering them, making it clear that the patient has the option.

More accessibility in the exam and waiting rooms

Tables that lower for those with mobility issues as well as higher waiting room chairs were among the most frequently suggested items.

And lastly … a variety of speculum sizes

gynecology, gynecologist, speculum, OBGYN, women's health, pap smearSpeculums may be metal or plastic, but they're always cold.Photo credit: Canva

""A wide variety of speculum sizes, and introduction to the exam room including a play by play of how the visit will go," wrote one person in a now-deleted tweet. "Most people never get this and the office staff never ask if it’s their first exam and most people wouldn’t disclose fear or stress if they have it."

The general consensus: and while you're at it, warm them up too.

Dr. Stewart’s tweet did receive constructive criticism asking for more inclusion

Dr. Stewart welcomed the insight, sending a follow-up tweet that read:“Folks have [correctly] pointed out that I [incorrectly] said “women” when what I should have said was “folks who may need gynecologic care.” I named the practice with this in mind @midwestpelvis, but I find that I still have a lot of internalized/implicit bias.”

This viral thread might have started a trend. Soon after another medical practitioner tweeted:

“Love urogynecologist Dr. Stewart asking for input on ideal office design and wanted to ask the oncology community something similar: given that no one wants to come to a cancer doctor…what makes the experience MOST comfortable?”

Though Dr. Stewart describes his philosophy online as “I want you to leave every appointment feeling as though you’ve learned more about yourself,” it’s lovely to see that he is equally invested in learning about his patients as well.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Elder Millennials discuss the major cultural differences they have with 'core' Millennials

"Teddy Ruxpin."

Images via Wikipedia

Elder Millennials reveal the different childhood experiences they had compared to young Millennials.

Millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996, are a generation with wide-ranging childhood experiences. Millennials born in the early 1980s, also known as 'Elder Millennials," had vastly different upbringings than those born in the 1990s.

In a Reddit forum for Millennials, member @_NoleFan6 posed the question: "Elder millennials (81-84), what are some things that separate you from the core/late millennials?"

They continued, "I’m just curious what makes my fellow elder millennials identify more with Gen X? Some things for me are: Being old enough to remember the tail end of the 80s, seeing Terminator 1 before Terminator 2, M.A.S.K. (iykyk), woodgrain VCRs, roller racer, going to see 1989 Batman at the theater, seeing Bo Jackson play, and not accessing the internet until ‘97 (I was 14). How about y’all?"

Many Elder Millennials could relate. They offered up 16 of their childhood experiences and how they differ from younger Millennials.

teddy ruxpin, teddy ruxpin toy, teddy bear, teddy bear 80s, 80s bearTeddy Bear 80S GIFGiphy

"Teddy Ruxpin. I'm a 1982 baby, and the Teddy Ruxpin craze was big when I was around 3 years old in the mid-'80s. I had talking Teddy, his talking friend Grubby, his books, his cassette tapes, his toy air ship and figurines, pajamas, underwear... People who are a few years younger than me don't really know what I am talking about when I mention him." —@KevinTodd82

"Being a latch key kid. And when young millennials don’t understand the turn it up to 11 phrase." —@geopimp1

"I’m an elder and my sister who’s 10 years younger is a core so I see Millennials as her generation not mine really as far as how we grew up. She was in grade 4 when 9-11 happened and I owned my own home. She is who taught me to take a selfie and I still have never used a filter. There’s just so much difference." —@Trick-Coyote-9834

my little pony, saturday morning cartoons, cartoons, 80s cartoons, morning cartoonsMy Little Pony 80S GIFGiphy

"We’re basically the in-between crew. We grew up like younger Gen X (80's Saturday cartoons and toys, landline phones, dial-up internet, tapes) but we hit our teenage and college years just as all the new techs exploded. So we remember life before smartphones and social media, but we adapted to it way faster than Gen X did. Basically, we were young enough to go through the whole switch from analog to digital, so we remember life before the internet but adapted to the online world pretty easily. We relate to Gen X and millennials in different ways, kind of the best of both. That’s why some of us like the term 'Xennials', which is those born between ’77 and ’83 or 84'." —@CedricBeaumont

"Tv before ratings. It was a free for all." —@merylbouw

"tamagotchi. pokemon. grunge." —@WOLFMAN_SPA

"Patchouli oil smell." —@rollbackprices

grunge, grunge music, nirvana, kurt cobain, alternative rockkurt cobain nirvana GIFGiphy

"Grunge. We were a little too young for the breakout albums in 1990-91, but we were the perfect age for the follow-ups in 1993-94 and the broader explosion of 'alternative rock' music in the mid 90s. Sadly, people who are even a little bit younger did not share in this experience, and that’s a bad thing because the music industry took a turn for the worse in the late 90s." —@Appropriate-Topic618

"Never had computer is or video games growing up. Literally grew up outside with no electronics." —@Humbly2022

"Being aware in the 90's." —@DiskSalt4643

90s, 1990s, the 90s, millennials, cluelessAlicia Silverstone Reaction GIFGiphy

"Being an adult when I got my first email address, and 9-11 happened. (A very young one, but still.) Having a truly analog childhood." —@Wild-Sky-4807

"Remembering Desert Storm and the USSR listed on maps in first grade textbooks. Princess Diana's death. MySpace top 8. Making your own websites on angelfire. AskJeeves. Dogpile." —@Ready-Player-Mom

"Michael Jordan. Michael Jackson. Mike Tyson. Michelangelo." —@Due-Set5398

michael jordan, jordan, michael jordan gif, miachael jordan nba, bullsChicago Bulls Dunk GIF by NBAGiphy

"I’m (82) an elder married to a core (88). Music, pop culture and especially kids programming are the main difference. We remember the 90s very differently - I was already too old for the Disney 90s surge of Aladdin and Lion King while she was too young to follow Jordan and the Bulls. I outgrew TGIF by the time Boy Meets World went on the air but she was too young to understand why boys loved Step by Step." —@Quick-Angle9562

"I think the biggest difference is cell phones/social media. Late millennials had smart phones in hs. We didn’t have text messages, and had to wait til after 9 to talk for free." —@walkhardd

"Watching Jurassic Park in the movie theatre 🥹." —@organicbabykale1

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