It’s easy to forget that parents don’t always have all the answers. Sometimes, mistakes happen and feelings get hurt. How you respond to those mistakes can create bonds with your children that last into adulthood. Dad and social media creator Jason Lewis is working to create strong attachments with his children and does so out loud, setting an example for other parents.
Recently, Lewis and his young son, who appears to be between 8 and 10 years old, assembled a bed together. If you’ve ever assembled furniture, you know how frustrating the process can be, especially when things don’t line up. Inevitably, things became a struggle at some point in the process, and Lewis lost his cool.
Dad loses his patience
Photo Credit: Cana
The father-son duo sat down together to discuss what happened. What was likely a healing moment for the little boy quickly became cathartic for others when Lewis shared it on Instagram. It is a masterclass in how a parent can take accountability for poor behaviors.
He starts the conversation with his son by discussing his anger and how uncomfortable he is around his father’s anger. The boy admits that he avoids his father when he’s “super angry” because he’s worried Lewis will become upset with him. Lewis points to the conflict that occurred around building the bed.
‘That’s not fair, is it?’
“When we were building my bed, I was trying to do everything right, and then you kept getting mad at me for not knowing what I was doing,” the child says with a shaky voice. Lewis immediately concedes, “That’s not fair, is it? You were doing the best you could, weren’t you? And I made you feel like it wasn’t good enough. You ever built a bed before?”
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This is where the accountability comes into play. Lewis shares with his son that in that moment, his son deserved extra patience and an extra chance to build the bed correctly. The dad apologizes for losing his patience and temper while they worked on building the bed together.
“And I’m sorry that I scared you and got mad at you,” Lewis says. “You built a really great bed. It’s great. Dad has some growing up to do there, don’t I?”
Lewis then asks his son an important question: “Do you feel safe when I’m angry like that?” The answer to that question can determine so much, but it can also reveal the relationship with your child. Most parents want their children to feel safe with them no matter the emotion they’re displaying, and his son does. The boy tells him that he still feels safe even when Lewis is “super angry.”
Dad has growing up to do
Photo Credit: Canva
Though the young boy says he knows his dad would never hurt him, Lewis explains the importance of managing his emotions. “Still, though, It’s really important how Dad manages his anger, because it teaches you how to manage yours. I want you to hear me say this, but I want you to understand that there’s a difference between me explaining something and then me taking accountability for something.”
Lewis then explains that when he was a child, his household was filled with big, unregulated emotions that changed quickly. “You get angry, you explode. You feel sad, you make everybody pay. You feel anxious and upset, you control the entire environment. And my job was to try to get as small as I could. But it doesn’t mean just cause of what I went through as a kid that that’s a reason why it’s okay for me to do that. Do you hear what I’m saying? It’s never okay. You’re safe to call that out.”
Excuses vs. accountability
In the comments, people were extremely impressed with how Lewis differentiated between a reason and excuse. Many complimented how well he handled the conversation and his willingness to apologize and take accountability for his actions.
One person comments, “I don’t know guys, this generation might possess some of the most emotionally intelligent men in recent history. I know there’s bad apples out there and that’s what’s continually amplified and displayed, however a lot of fellas are really really TRYING to pave a new pathway. Well done sir.”
Someone else shares, “Adults need role models too, and how you talk to your boy makes you one of mine. Preciate Ya.”
Another says, “I love this SOOOO much. More of this universe. What I heard was solid well rounded communication, humanity, accountability, humility, transparency, a high willingness for improvement, and all of this made up the actual action for building the pathway for a better relationship, a better generation ahead, and a BETTER MAN bc everything primarily starts with you!!! Well done!!”
Another person shares, “To be fair, building furniture tests the best of relationships to the max, but for real, such an impactful story. Great job be[ing] honest and vulnerable with him about the situation and teaching him it’s ok to say ‘I messed up.’”
“Your humanity and honesty is inspiring. I also have big feelings that I’m working on presenting differently to set a better example for my son. He’s also started talking to himself like I talk to myself (very negative self-talk) and that was a huge wakeup call for how much they absorb,” another writes.
