Psychologists say one of the best ways to get a child to open up is not to ask direct questions, which may put them on their heels, but to play a game with them.
“Research demonstrates that parent and child brains ‘sync up’ during play and that they literally become ‘on the same wavelength’ as they play,” Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, writes at Psychology Today. “This makes it much easier for the child to feel comfortable expressing their feelings.”
Research shows that play brings young children and parents together. Alyson, a mom who works in sports marketing, says it’s a total game-changer—and “the secret”—to getting her angsty 14-year-old daughter to share what’s really happening in her life.
“I revived a fun way to defuse the teen-angst vibe and connect to our girls,” Alyson writes in a TikTok post. “Used it when my kids were little simply to entertain and now use it to joke her out of the teen-funk we all know and love.”
Mom says playing with her teenage daughter helps her open up
Alyson realized the power of play when her daughter had a total meltdown over not having anything to wear on Christmas Eve. So, she took on the role of a high-end fashion shopkeeper.
“I brought her into my closet, and I did this whole big, ‘Oh, are you shopping with us today? Please, let me get you a treat,’” she says. “And I gave her a chocolate, and I gave her a beautiful flute of apple cider or something. And I was like, ‘Let me show you some pieces. I have a few pieces to show you today.’ And her attitude went from ‘I hate my life, I don’t like what I’m wearing’ to, like, ‘Oh, this is kind of fun.’”
The same technique worked when Alyson pretended to take her daughter to a fancy spa.
“I will go upstairs now, and I will blow out her hair, and she will spill the tea, just like you do in the salon,” she says. “So while she’s snacking and noshing and feeling like she’s being pampered and taken care of, we can have an interaction that’s kinder, softer, gentler than our typical, like, ‘Oh my God, you’re so annoying. Why do you keep asking me these questions?’ kind of situation.”
Commenters loved Alyson’s method for getting her daughter to talk
“These are the things that when she gets older, she will look back and think, my mom didn’t just love me, she also liked me,” a commenter writes.
“I think they still like to ‘play’ and nobody realizes it, it just has to fit their age! This makes so much sense,” another adds. “When I was her age, I had much younger siblings, and as a teenager, I loved getting to still do ‘kid stuff’ with them! So this is kind of connecting the dots for me.”
Teenagers want to be close to their parents, but they’re also at a stage where they need to find independence, which can put them in a real bind. In her video, Alyson shows that with a little extra effort and cleverness, parents can break down barriers and make a meaningful connection with their teens.
