The loss of a child is one of the most devastating things a person can go through. When it happens, much of the sympathy and support goes to the distraught mother, and rightfully so.
But through no ill-intent at all, that can make others in the family, such as other children, grandparents, and most of all, fathers, feel like “secondary grievers.”
Dad invites five friends to the football pitch to process his grief
U.K. dad Sean Coleman and his partner tragically lost two babies.
He’d heard about a football club for grieving men near where he lived called Honeysuckle FC. The idea was to get struggling men together for exercise, fun, and connection with other people who would understand.
After spending some time with the group, Coleman decided to bring a similar idea to a new area in 2025.
It started with just a handful of dads kicking a ball around together. There was Liam Conway, who’d lost his son Lewis and suffered through miscarriages. There was Glen, who lost one of his twin babies shortly after their birth. There was Brett Pointon, who helped Coleman set the group up and connected them with the Port Vale Football Club, which offered to let the dads use their facilities for meetings.
In all it was just six of them, but that was enough.
“It’s getting the dads in a group together, getting them talking because we’re not great at talking,” Coleman told This Morning. “And from that very first session where they struggle to get through that door, but as soon as they get in that door, they realize they’re part of a team.”
The club was officially named Forget Me Knot FC, after the Bereavement Suite at the Royal Stoke University Hospital. It’s also a nod to the way the dads forever honor and remember the children they’ve lost.
The ‘male grief gap’
The term “male grief gap” refers to a massive divide in how men express, experience, and are supported through bereavement. The reasons for the grief gap are complex and multi-faceted. For some, it is even self-induced.
Men have fewer close friendships and relationships than women, and thus fewer people to be vulnerable with and lean on during dark times. They also deal with immense societal pressure to “man up” and support those around them while neglecting their own emotional needs.
For example, there is very little postpartum care or screening for postpartum depression in men, though about 1 in 10 new fathers will experience it. After the death of a child, so many of these men simply slip through the cracks.
The data doesn’t lie. Men are about four times more likely to commit suicide than women across almost all nationalities and races.
More than a team
Word of Forget Me Knot FC spread quickly. What started as just six men turned into 40 in less than a year.
“It’s more than a team, it’s family,” Coleman said on This Morning. “It’s a connection. And it does more than just saves lives. It saves lives and is changing lives for the dads, for the families around them as well.”
The club is exercise, friendship, and support. It’s also something small to look forward to, a low-pressure commitment. It keeps these men engaged and invested in the act of living, so Coleman’s right when he says the club saves lives.
More clubs just like Forget Me Knot and Honeysuckle are popping up, including 4Louis FC and FC Vilomah, bringing a unique kind of support to even more men.
No one should have to go through the kind of tragedy these families have. Certainly, no one should have to go through it alone.
A game of football won’t fix what was lost for these men, but at least they have each other to lean on.
Member Liam Conway said it best to BBC: “I think without them, I’d be on a dark road.”
