This sexuality expert has a fascinating take on how diaper-changing can teach consent.
A sexuality expert said that parents should ask babies for consent before changing their diapers. And people reacted.
Deanne Carson, who works with Australia's Body Safe, a child sexual abuse prevention organization, appeared on ABC to speak about starting consent education as early as possible, such as when the baby is — well — just a baby.
"We work with parents from birth ... just about how to set up a culture of consent in their homes. 'I'm going to change your nappy now; is that OK?' Of course a baby's not going to respond 'Yes, Mum, that's awesome. I'd love to have my nappy changed,'" Carson said.
People seem to be pretty split in their reactions to what she's saying. On one hand, leaving room for a baby to hear that they have bodily autonomy seems absolutely important; on the other, some people have referred to this advice as "lefty lunacy."
Carson herself chimed in after the outrage began. "Sadly, some people have chosen to ridicule me (oh no! Pink hair! Must be a lesbian!) and the notion of giving infants bodily autonomy (poo in nappies har har amiright?!)," Newsweek reported the educator wrote on Facebook.
Whether or not you think Carson's example was good, her message is right on.
It's easy to dismiss Carson's ideas. After all, have you met a baby? They don't know what's going on half the time, and asking if you can change their diaper isn't going to produce a viable response. And the alternative, of course, is not to leave them in a wet diaper for the rest of the day — we can all agree on that.
Take a second to really think about what Carson's saying, though, and it doesn't appear nearly as controversial. What you're doing by making eye contact, making your intentions known, and leaving space for the baby is setting up a "culture of consent." The idea is that as the child ages, they'll be more likely to recognize their body is their own, that other people shouldn't touch it without permission, and that it's OK to say no.
The message of consent is especially important considering the staggering child sexual abuse statistics in America.
While it's not known exactly how many children are victimized sexually each year, in 2010, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reported that of children who'd been maltreated, 9.2% had been sexually abused. In addition, 20% of adult women and up to 10% of adult men recalled instances of child sexual abuse. The valid warnings to never get into a car with a stranger or take candy from someone we don't know don't always incorporate the reality that the majority of those who've been victimized are hurt by people they know well. That's why the idea of consent — that your body is your own and you are able to say no and speak out — needs to be taught as early as possible.
That's a message that's both important and a little easier to understand.
"[Carson's] simply making the very reasonable case for establishing a 'culture of consent' in households and with children from the youngest possible age," Katie Russell, a spokesperson for the nonprofit sexual violence organization Rape Crisis England and Wales told Newsweek. "This is about both getting parents and carers into positive habits of not assuming consent from their children and about teaching children that they have a right to decide what happens to their bodies."
And as they grow, that kind of autonomy will help them be more assertive when it comes to non-consensual touch and to recognize that they shouldn't touch others without their consent either. Sure, Carson's example may have come across as a little out of left field, but we could all do better in making sure that children understand consent and learn to set boundaries at every step of the growing process.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."