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Many folks with HIV stay silent about their status. The reaction to Charlie Sheen's story shows why.

Many people say the hardest part of living with HIV is the stigma. Here's some easy ways to treat HIV-positive people with compassion.

This morning, actor Charlie Sheen made a huge announcement: He's HIV-positive.

Photo by MIchael Buckner/Getty Images.

The move comes after the Internet exploded yesterday with speculation about the actor's status after the National Enquirer promised a "bombshell world exclusive" about the actor's private life.

All totally valid criticisms of Sheen aside, no one deserves to have their personal information shared without their permission. Sheen probably wouldn't even have shared his status without the threat of extortion hanging over his head, because there is still so much stigma and so many misconceptions surrounding an HIV diagnosis. But now that he's come forward, it's significant that he was able to share his story in his words before anyone else could.

Individuals with HIV should be able to live without shame and with the freedom to be open about their lived experiences.

Reactions to Sheen's announcement show we still have a long way to go to overcome stigma about the virus.

Sheen shares that he was diagnosed about four years ago. Why did he keep it secret for so long? Uh, the cover of this magazine might give a hint.

Photo via National Enquirer.

Treating someone's HIV status — a private medical condition that is likely irrelevant to everyone who'll read it — as a sensationalist gossip topic isn't just gross, it's wrong. Not to mention: HIV and AIDS aren't interchangeable diseases — to proclaim, on the cover of a magazine no less, that Charlie Sheen not wanting to disclose his HIV diagnosis is an "AIDS COVER-UP" wildly misrepresents what an HIV diagnosis means in 2015. Media reactions like this are why he and millions of other Americans are hesitant to disclose their HIV status.

Misconceptions and stigma about HIV play a large factor in why many with the diagnosis stay silent, often forever.

“We're finding, despite the fact that we've been living with this disease for 30 years, that the greatest challenge we're facing is stigma," David Furnish, chairman of the Elton John AIDS Foundation, said in an interview with The Advocate. "[That's] the biggest hurdle we have to overcome."

Stigma against HIV-positive people is a large reason why discrimination is so rampant. Loss of housing, employment, and close relationships is common for people with HIV or AIDS in ways that many folks with other life-threatening conditions don't face.


Retired NBA player Magic Johnson publicly disclosed his HIV-positive status in 1991. Since then, he's become an outspoken advocate for safer sex and HIV/AIDS prevention. Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images.

Here's what you need to know about HIV:

Stigma is a tricky thing that many people don't realize influences how they treat someone — because it can seem so normal. Remembering these facts will help you destigmatize HIV and AIDS when you find yourself in conversations about it in the real world.

1. HIV and AIDS are not interchangeable.

HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus, which is a tiny organism in the body.

AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) refers to the condition one can get after HIV completely compromises their immune system.

An individual can have HIV for many years and never get AIDS. Only a doctor can make the call whether someone has AIDS. Thanks to progress in medical care, people in the U.S. who take antiviral treatments often never get AIDS.

2. The risks of contracting HIV through everyday contact like handholding or sharing a swimming pool is minimal.

HIV is not spread through the air, casual touch, tears, sweat, or saliva. So it's OK to use the same bathroom, eating utensils, and water fountain. In the U.S., the most common way people are infected is through penetrative sex, which is why it's important to use condoms.

But it's not just through sexual activity. There are reasons to be extra cautious if, say, you have a cut on your hand and you help your friend with HIV bandage a cut on her hand. HIV is transmitted through certain body fluids, like blood, coming into contact with the bloodstream, damaged tissue, or a mucous membrane like the mouth.

3. HIV is not a punishment.

No one deserves to get HIV. It is not a condemnation from God or some sort of punishment for certain acts that others may not approve of. When you read your magazines in the checkout aisle of the grocery store, don't buy into all the correlations between Charlie Sheen's history of being a "womanizer" or his relationships with sex workers meant to imply that his HIV infection is a punishment for that. It only takes one bad needle, one broken condom, or one partner to transmit the disease.

If you cite Sheen's wild past and say he got what he deserved, that assumption reflects on all people who have HIV, no matter how careful they were in their lives. It reinforces the myth that HIV-positive people are being punished for bad decisions, a stigma that they face every day.

4. People of all genders and sexual orientations can get HIV.

For a long time, HIV was seen as something only gay and bisexual men should worry about. But according to the CDC, 23% of people with HIV are women. Of women who were newly infected, 84% were from heterosexual contact.

While most folks get HIV from sexual contact, remember that there are other ways people get infected, like being born with it or through a blood transfusion. In general, it's just best not to assume how they got HIV. It's irrelevant at this point anyway, right?

5. You can't tell whether someone is HIV-positive by how they look.

Just because someone doesn't "look sick" doesn't mean they're HIV-negative. Many HIV-positive people can be symptom-free for years before discovering they are infected. That's why it's so important to get tested regularly. You'll be able to get early medical intervention and prevent inadvertently infecting someone.

Actor Danny Pintauro, best known for his role as Jonathan Bower on the TV show "Who's the Boss" as a child, came out as HIV-positive this year. Photo by Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images.

Here's how to handle conversations about HIV and AIDS in real life to stop stigma in its tracks:

Be mindful of your language when talking about HIV. A lot of common terms can reinforce stigma. For example, the term "clean" when referring to negative HIV status implies that someone who is HIV-positive is dirty.

Treat a person respectfully when they disclose their status. Be compassionate in your response and make sure to respect their privacy. Their disclosure is not consent to being an open book about sexual history, medical treatment, or how they contracted the virus. And just because they disclose their status to you doesn't mean they're giving you permission to reveal it to everyone else, too.

Do not speculate on or disclose someone's HIV status without permission. Basically, don't do what the Enquirer did with Charlie Sheen.

Get tested. Knowledge is power. Visit this link to find a place near you. A lot of places offer free testing, which can be completed in a few minutes!



Olympic gold medalist Greg Louganis tested positive for HIV in 1988. He is an advocate for LGBT and people diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images for The Point Foundation.

Educating yourself about HIV just doesn't make you more knowledgeable, it makes you a real force in reducing HIV stigma.

HIV stigma is very real — and it has dangerous consequences. It keeps people from getting treatment and but also getting the care and support from others that they (all of us?) need. Many studies have found there are significant public health risks because of stigma.

We're probably never going to persuade everyone to treat Charlie Sheen's diagnosis with respect and dignity or prevent them from making stupid TIGER BLOOD jokes. But the lessons we learn from how we talk about Sheen's announcement have real-world repercussions on non-famous people living with HIV stigma every day.

If we work hard to reveal the reality — that living with HIV isn't a death sentence, that there's nothing to fear from HIV-positive individuals — we can create a world where folks can divulge their status on their own terms. It'll be a better, safer world for everyone.

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A 3-word method can help you make relaxed small talk that doesn't feel like an interview

Injecting some personality can make things a lot more fun.

via Canva/Photos

A man and woman chatting over some wine.

A lot of people are uncomfortable making small talk, but it’s an essential skill that can make or break your love life, career, and social experiences. Many people believe that being good at chatting with others is something innate, but those who excel at it work at their craft and pick up small tips along the way to become better communicators.

One of the tricks that all great communicators know is that you will be more likable when you're more interested than interesting. Study after study shows that people love talking about themselves, and if you ask people more questions, they will like you a lot more than if you did all the talking. So, how do we do this without creating a one-sided conversation where your conversation partner learns nothing about you? The folks at the Science of People have shared the statement-plus question technique.

The statement-plus technique

“One of the smoothest ways to keep conversation flowing is to share a brief personal statement followed by a question,” the Science of People writes. “This technique accomplishes two things: it gives the other person information about you (making you seem more approachable and interesting) while also redirecting focus to them.”

small talk, conversation, office party, people talking, wine Coworkers having a nice conversation.via Canva/Photos

Here are some examples:

Instead of asking “What do you do for work?” say:

“I’m a writer for Upworthy, and I enjoy seeing my work read by millions of people. What excites you about your job?”

Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” try:

“I live in Long Beach, California, and it’s really nice living by the ocean. What do you love the most about where you live?”

Instead of asking, “How do you know the person who threw the party?” say:

“I met Sarah at a church meeting seven years ago. Do you remember the first time you met her?”

These questions enable you to discuss yourself while maintaining the focus on the other person. They are also open-ended, so you don’t just get a one-word answer. You learn their job and what excites them about it. You know where they live, and they get to brag about what they like about the city. The technique also broadens the conversation because, according to the psychological phenomenon known as reciprocal self-disclosure, people are more likely to disclose things about themselves after you share something about yourself.

- YouTube youtu.be

What is reciprocal self-disclosure?

“The most likely result of your self-disclosure is that other people will do the same. In the field of communication, we refer to this as 'reciprocity.' When you share information about yourself, the most likely result is that people will start to disclose a similar type of information from their own lives," communication coach Alexander Lyon says. "In our presentations, we talk about this as a magic wand. Disclosure is the closest thing we have to a magic wand in terms of a concept in communication. When you disclose, other people almost automatically reciprocate."

Ultimately, people love to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity, they will like you more for it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t reveal some aspects of yourself at the same time while keeping the focus on them. The statement-plus question technique allows you to reveal some things about yourself while making the other person feel seen and comfortable telling you more about themselves. It’s sure to elevate your small talk to something more substantial in a relaxed way that doesn’t feel like an interview.

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Boomers say to stop wasting money on "luxuries." This millennial says they have it backwards.

It's not the "luxuries" that are holding young people back.

via Canva

Millennial man says "luxuries" aren't the reason young people can't afford to live.

Being a human being has really gotten expensive. Millennials constantly lament the high cost of living and the fact that so-called "American dream" is out of reach for many of them. Housing prices have skyrocketed, as has the cost of a college education. Eating out has gotten drastically more expensive, and making food at home with fresh groceries is hardly any cheaper. It's just so hard, they say, to get a foothold in the modern economy. Boomers, who grew up in the 50s, 60s, and 70s, however, aren't wasting any sympathy tears.

One of the big talking points in the great American millennials versus baby boomers debate is that, yes, things are more expensive; but has the younger generation has knee-capped itself by its lavish spending habits that have prevented them from owning homes? If millennials stopped buying $14 avocado toast and $1,000 iPhones, would they be able to save enough for a down payment on a modest house?

Freddie Smith, 36, of Orlando, Florida, recently went viral on TikTok for a video in which he challenged the boomer argument with statistics from the Bureau of Labor, Federal Reserve, and the U.S. Census Bureau.

Smith believes that the older generations misunderstand millennial finances because their concept of luxury is based on 1980s economics. That's when most boomers were coming of age and buying their own family homes, and their ideas of saving up for a down payment and affording a monthly mortgage are heavily outdated.

Smith says that for baby boomers, essentials such as rent and child care were much more affordable, but items considered luxuries (TVs, CD players, computers) were much more expensive.

How is the economy different for millennials than it was for baby boomers?

"The main shift is that core essentials—housing, education, healthcare, and even food—have become more expensive," Smith said. "Housing and rent, for instance, now outpace wage growth, making homeownership feel unattainable for many. The cost of childcare has also skyrocketed, and food prices have increased.”

The home price to income ratio is currently at an all-time high. The Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University writes, "In 2022, the median sale price for a single-family home in the US was 5.6 times higher than the median household income, higher than at any point on record dating back to the early 1970s." That ratio was closer to 2.5 in 1980.

Even transportation has skyrocketed. Buying a new car now costs about as much as the median yearly salary, with entry-level vehicles disappearing rapidly and being replaced with high-tech, fuel-efficient offerings.

"As a result, I think older generations have a different perspective on luxury versus necessity,” Smith continued. “They grew up in a time when hard work typically led to financial stability, whereas today, even with hard work, many people struggle with the high costs of housing, rent and medical expenses. Basic survival used to be far more affordable, allowing people more financial room to build a stable life."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Smith’s numbers don’t lie. For a person in the '80s to own three TVs, a CD player, a cellphone, a microwave, and a computer, it would cost them 3.5 years of rent or a 20% downpayment on the average home. So, it was irresponsible for someone in that period to purchase all of what was known then as luxuries.

However, for millennials, these "fancy toys" are a lot more affordable compared to the big ticket items of housing, childcare, and college education. Skimping out on them won't make a meaningful difference in the attempt to save up the massive amount of cash required for a down payment on a modern home. To wit:

"But if you skip that daily $6 Starbucks drink, you’ll have enough for the downpayment in 29.22 years," Yokahana joked in the comments.

"I hate that housing and transportation have become luxuries," Molly added.

"Imagine spending 3x your rent on a microwave," Donutdisaster wrote.

Older people may see millennials with multiple TVs in their home, along with iPhones and tablets, and think that money could be better saved up in service of the "American dream." But the truth is that those savings won't really help, and worse, they'll make life pretty unenjoyable in the meantime!


Why are luxury goods more affordable now than they were in the '80s?

The price of manufactured goods has steadily fallen over the last few decades due to technological improvements and trade policies that have allowed the U.S. to import goods from places where labor costs are cheaper.

"International, global competition lowers prices directly from lower-cost imported goods, and indirectly by forcing U.S. manufacturers to behave more competitively, with lower prices, higher quality, better service, et cetera," Sociologist Joseph Cohen of Queens University said, according to Providence Journal.

Even as recently as the early 2000s, a high-quality TV was likely to cost over $1,000. Nowadays you can get an equivalent, or better, television set for just a few hundred bucks.

Why are housing prices so high?

Housing prices in the US have soared due to the low inventory caused by the Great Recession, mortgage rates, and zoning laws that make building more challenging.

Rents have increased considerably since the pandemic due to low inventory, inflation, barriers to home ownership, and the fact that more people want to live alone than with a roommate or romantic partner.

Smith’s breakdown of the economic changes over the past two generations makes a strong case for the idea that millennial financial troubles have more to do with systemic problems than spending habits. The boomers got a bad deal regarding luxury items, and the millennials with necessities. Wouldn’t living in a world where both were affordable in the same era be great?

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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These 4 words can keep a conversation flowing forever no matter how bad you are at small talk

There's literally no way to screw this up.

Credit: Canva

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, friends, small talk, chatting Two women chatting in front of a fire. Credit: Atlantic Ambience/Pexels

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement:

"It reminds me of…”

A Redditor recently shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun:

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


- YouTube www.youtube.com

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologuing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

conversation, small talk, chatting, cafe Two guys chat at a cafe. Credit: Helena Lopes/Pexels

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.


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Yes, even cats have a favorite person. How they choose and how to tell they've picked you.

Just because they seem uninterested doesn't mean they don't pick favorites.

Photo credit: Canva

Even cats have a favorite person. Here's how they choose.

Cats may be persnickety at times or appear aloof to the presence of humans, but that doesn't mean they don't have their favorites. Just like dogs, cats also fancy having a human best friend, but unless the feline companion is overly affectionate, one may not know they've been chosen.

Some cats live up to the expectation that they will give the most attention to the person who likes them the least. But most cats are particular about who they choose to give their attention to. In a one-person household, there could be a real possibility that the human in the equation isn't the favorite. After all, cats are not dogs who will be excited by their humans' mere existence. Cats are much more like broke royalty who expect their humans to be grateful for the opportunity to scoop out their litter boxes.

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior Curious cat and baby share a gentle moment on the grass.Photo credit: Canva

Due to the imaginary royal title, a cat is much more discerning about who they give their priceless attention to. Usually, it's easy to tell who kitty has designated as their favorite person in a multi-person household. But the question remains, how do they pick their person?

According to Union Lake Veterinary Hospital, "People who communicate with their cat by getting to know their cues and motives are more attractive to their cat companions." They added, "Another reason behind their preference is the cat’s breed or personality. If your cat is the type who wants to be chill and relax, they will probably gravitate towards the family member who is calm and quiet. Playful, energetic cats who love to stay active will likely choose a friend who gives them this exercise and attention. In fact, it may be that your cat is revealing something about you in why they choose to love you best."

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior Feline friends sharing a tender moment by the window.Photo credit: Canva

Certified Feline Training and Behavior Specialist and founder of Cat Behavior Solutions, Molly DeVoss, explains to Rover that cats prefer people who have a calming presence, feed them, and play with them. She also shares how trauma in a cat's early life influences how they form attachments to humans. "If a cat (or kitten) were in an abusive or neglectful situation with a certain demographic, they’re more likely to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around some types of people."

How can you tell if a cat has chosen you as their favorite human?

Cats will let you know that you might be their favorite person by doing a few things. According to DeVoss, if a cat is keen on you being their number one human, they'll do things like headbutt your hands, legs, and even forehead. They'll bring you their toys, rub their scent on you, rub their teeth or mouth on you, and groom you by licking your hair. DeVoss also says that when a cat exposes their belly or flops around briefly, it displays a deep level of trust.

cat; cats; pets; cat's favorite; people and cats; cat snuggles; cat behavior A sweet moment shared with a fluffy friend.Photo credit: Canva

To become your cat's favorite person, you may need to start sharing some common interests. That doesn't mean you have to stalk bugs or start knocking things off of counters, but if your cat likes watching out the window, you can make it a shared activity. Cats can also be trained to perform tricks, especially those that are active and attentive to their surroundings. You can even get a cat play yard or "catio" for the ones that seem as if they're longing to do some porch sitting with you.

You can also bond with them by talking to them throughout the day, even if they don't know what you're saying, Union Lake Veterinary Hospital says. Being affectionate with your cat more often, with pets, hugs, and scratches, will make them feel loved and safe. Doing some of these things will have your feline companion purring their little hearts out in no time.

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All families in New Mexico will get free childcare in unprecedented policy move

“It’s not an expenditure, it’s an investment."

Photo credit: Canva

As of November, all childcare will be no-cost for families in New Mexico.

In the modern era, one of the biggest financial considerations families have to navigate is the cost of childcare. Many families can't make it on one income, but those who work in lower-wage jobs often find that childcare costs nearly as much as they make, putting them between a pricey rock and an expensive hard place. Single parents are even more stuck, and with the cost of other basic living expenses putting a squeeze on people's pocketbooks, most have no choice but to work full-time.

That's why New Mexico becoming the first U.S. state to provide universal, no-cost childcare to all families across the state, regardless of income, is a big deal. As of Nov. 1, 2025, that financial burden is lifted for all families statewide.

new mexico, policy, childcare, families, kids, daycare New Mexico will cover childcare costs for all families across the state, regardless of income. www.facebook.com

“The blueprint for early childhood education in America is happening right here in New Mexico,” Lujan Grisham said at a news conference at the state Capitol. That blueprint includes eliminating the current income limit (which is 400% of the federal poverty level) to qualify for childcare assistance, increasing the pay for childcare providers to a minimum of $18 an hour, and a plan to build 55 more licensed childcare centers and register 1,000 new in-home daycares. The state estimates an additional 5,000 early childhood professionals are needed to fully achieve a universal system, which means more job opportunities for New Mexico residents as well.

According to the Albuquerque Journal, the Early Childhood Education and Care Department (ECECD) currently spends about $463 million per year (about half of that department's budget) on child care assistance for families. Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham will reportedly seek an additional $120 million during the 30-day session that begins in January to fully implement the new plan.

“It’s not an expenditure, it’s an investment," said Lt. Gov. Howie Morales. That appears to be how many countries around the world view it as well, since the United States sits as an outlier among developed nations when it comes to money spent subsidizing childcare.

“Child care is essential to family stability, workforce participation, and New Mexico’s future prosperity,” said Lujan Grisham. “By investing in universal child care, we are giving families financial relief, supporting our economy, and ensuring that every child has the opportunity to grow and thrive.”

Pew Research found that a majority of Americans believe providing free child care would encourage more people to have children, which is significant since birth rates in the U.S. have dropped and fertility rates worldwide are in a sharp decline. Economists and other experts have expressed concern over declining populations being unable to replace themselves and the social and economic ramifications of that potentiality. While the number of children someone has is a personal family decision, initiatives like universal childcare make it easier for families to have the number of children they desire.

“Early childhood care and education is a public good,” said ECECD Sec. Elizabeth Groginsky. “By providing universal access and improving pay for our early childhood workforce, we are easing financial pressure on families, strengthening our economy, and helping every child learn in safe, nurturing environments. This is the kind of investment that builds equity today and prosperity for the future.”

new mexico, daycare, babies, toddlers, universal childcare Families in New Mexico won't have to worry about affording childcare. Photo credit: Canva

What many Americans may not know is that the U.S. actually did have universal childcare once before. During World War II, the U.S. government subsidized childcare so mothers could work and contribute to the war effort. An estimated 550,000 to 600,000 children were cared for at daycare facilities at no cost for families, but despite letters and petitions asking to keep the program going, the government ended it in 1946.

Will other states follow in New Mexico's footsteps? We'll see. New Mexico appears to be a good place to start investing more in early childhood and childcare, as the state ranks close to the bottom in child well-being, health, and education. While government can't fix all societal problems, it can strive to ensure that families have the resources they need to stay above water and afford the basic necessities.

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