From a human perspective, it might seem that happiness should come naturally. However, according to Dr. Laurie Santos, an expert on happiness and a professor of psychology at Yale University, happiness is a skill many of us have to develop because it’s secondary to our basic survival needs.
“Natural selection honestly doesn’t care how we feel—it really just wants us to survive and reproduce. And that doesn’t necessarily involve being happier,” Santos said in a YouTube video for Big Think. “People are less happy than they ever have been. In the United States, around 40% of college students report being too depressed to function most days. We see the same kind of thing in older individuals.”
The ‘annoying features of the mind’
Santos says there are “annoying features of the mind” that deceive us into looking for happiness where it doesn’t exist or cause us to overestimate the joy certain things will bring. Often, our intuitions about what will make us happy are incorrect.
We also tend not to think objectively; instead, we compare what we have to what other people have. As long as someone else is doing better, we feel worse. Further, some things that positively affect our happiness stop working over time, leaving us to chase the same experiences for diminishing returns.
Knowing that our minds are constantly tricking us and sometimes working against our pursuit of happiness, Santos says we can rewire our brains to find lasting joy without resorting to strange tricks. All we have to do is practice five simple behaviors.
5 ways to rewire your brain for greater happiness
1. Social connection
“Every available study of happy people suggests that happy people are more social. They physically spend time around other people, and they tend to really prioritize time with their friends and family members,” Santos said. “Our lack of social connection really comes from the fact that we have this strong intuition that it kind of doesn’t matter.”
Santos’ point is backed up by Nick Epley, whose research explores “undersociality,” or our tendency to be less social than is optimal for happiness. His work also shows that we often misjudge how other people perceive us in social situations.
2. Be ‘other-oriented’
“Another behavior that we know really affects our happiness is doing nice things for other people—trying to become a little bit more other-oriented,” Santos said. “This is a spot where we have seriously incorrect intuitions. We often think that self-care is the path to happiness, but the evidence really suggests that happy people are much more other-oriented. They’re donating more money to charity. They’re spending their time volunteering for others. They give more compliments.”
3. Gratitude
“Do we have a mindset of paying attention to all the negative things, all the hassles in life? Or do we have a mindset that focuses more on the blessings?” Santos asked. “Lots of evidence suggests that happy people focus on the blessings. If you tend not to do that naturally, you can change that thought pattern.”
An easy way to develop an attitude of gratitude is to take a few moments each day—whether you’re in the shower, on your commute, or before bed—to think of three to five things you’re grateful for. It could be something as simple as your toaster working that morning or something as meaningful as the love you feel for a family member. Humans have a negativity bias, which means the bad things in life tend to stand out more than the good. This simple practice can help counteract that. After all, if you aren’t grateful for the blessings in your life, it’s almost as if you don’t have them at all.
4. Savoring
“One of the reasons our good circumstances don’t necessarily lead to happiness is we tend not to notice them,” Santos said. “We’ll buy a delicious latte that we should be paying attention to and savoring and really enjoying, but we just kind of chug it while we’re checking our email. The act of savoring is moving towards paying attention to the good things in life a little bit more.”
When you fully soak in and savor a pleasant experience—whether it’s a delicious meal, the cool breeze on your face, or the joy of your dog sleeping in a funny position—it has two positive effects. First, you can fully appreciate the moment. Second, it fosters a sense of gratitude for the experience.
5. Exercise
“We often forget that bodies are connected to minds, but they really are. And that means that a really quick way to change how we’re feeling emotionally is simply moving our body a little bit more,” Santos said. “Exercise is intricately connected to our mental health, and it’s important to note that this isn’t like running a marathon. This is simply just getting your body to move around a little bit more. Even as much as like 20 minutes a day can really improve your well-being.”
Many people go through life wondering why they just can’t seem to maintain happiness. As Santos points out, a big reason is that we rely too much on our default mental settings, which often lead us astray. By practicing her five simple habits, we can all become a little happier.
