Most of us are at least a little bit afraid of dying, or at least not exactly excited about the idea. Self-preservation is a natural instinct, after all, and there’s obviously nothing wrong with wanting to live. But there’s a difference between wanting to live and being terrified of dying, especially since the latter can have a negative impact on your life. In some cases, fear of death can stop you from fully living—an unfortunately ironic conundrum.
Some fear the dying process itself and whatever pain or suffering they think might go along with that. Some fear the basic idea of no longer existing or the unknown of what, if anything, comes next. Some people fear the death of a loved one more than their own. An extreme fear of death that affects a person’s daily life is called thanatophobia, and the Cleveland Clinic estimates that 3% to 10% of the population struggles with it.
Of course, if someone has a debilitating phobia, professional therapy is recommended. However, a person with a less clinical fear of dying may benefit from shifting how they look at and think about death. What’s the secret of those who aren’t afraid of dying? Thousands of people who don’t fear death weighed in on why, and their answers may provide some unconsidered perspective for those stymied by the inescapable reality that their life on Earth will eventually end.
Here are the most popular reasons people said they don’t fear dying.
They are truly living life to its fullest
“Given the hand that I was dealt, I’ve a lived a life that I am proud of. If I die tomorrow, I know I was a good person who did his best.”
“This is absolutely how I feel. I am lucky to finally reach a state of awareness that I didn’t know existed for a longass time. How I see it, everything after this is a bonus. Gotta try to enjoy it, spread as much love and joy as people are willing to receive, and do my best to keep learning and growing (mostly because it brings me fulfillment).
I still don’t want to die yet. But I’m also not afraid of dying like I used to be.”
“100% death is something to be acknowledged, reflected upon, respected, and celebrated in a manner that anticipates the unknown. I’m not ‘rushing or looking forward to death,’ but when it does happen, I’ve lived a full life chasing happiness. No regrets. I feel I made the best choices I could, and lived an honest and wild life. Life is such a wild belle curve, and I’m overly thankful and excited for the persimmons randomly given to me to try as I am about something outrageously fantastic. Finding happiness in the smallest gifts sincerely brings so much peace to my soul.”
Living a long life isn’t always desirable
“I’ve seen old age, dementia, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. Dying while still yourself is a good life, and is rather be around for a good time, not a long time.”
“Ending up with Alzheimer’s or dementia is more terrifying to me than either death or a painful one.”
“Yep. As a caregiver for the elderly I totally agree with this. Watching the people you love literally become shells of themselves because of those diseases is one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced in my life.”
“This is my fear after watching a relative with pretty much pieces falling off of them for years while continually being offered life lengthening treatments. Finally a point came where he said no, enough is enough. This is the position that I absolutely do not ever wish to find myself in. His family is still in therapy from being a part of this long, drawn out, horrific process.”
Death means rest
“I see death as rest. Life is exhausting, and at some point, we all deserve a break.”
“100% my grandpa who fought in WW2 was in his 90s and would always say he was tired of living, but the doctors just kept keeping him alive. He said he lived a great life; just wanted to sleep.”
“I was given last rites as a cancer patient in the ICU when I had sepsis a few years ago. I’ve recovered, but I remember very distinctly that being close to death felt like going ‘home’ … mostly because the pain lifted. It was honestly like I’d imagine it felt in the womb. I didn’t mind it at all.”
“I feel this way, too. Just a sweet rest. I’m just a bit disappointed I won’t be aware of it.”
Giving up control and accepting the inevitable
“I only fear a long painful one. I don’t fear what after. It’s gotta be either nothingness or everythingness.”
“Because once you’re dead you don’t worry about being dead.”
“Because I have no control over it and no reason to think it’s unpleasant.”
“I was dead for billions of years. Didn’t bother me the first time.”
“There’s only a few things guaranteed in life, and death is one. I have no control over it, so I’m chugging along hoping and trying to be the best person I can be. I feel like I’m failing half the time, but I’m still going.”
“Death is as natural as birth. I do not fear the inevitable.”
‘We sleep every night with no absolute certainty that we’ll wake up, yet we don’t fear it. I see this as death’s training wheels.”
Being okay with leading a not-so-notable life
“I’m not actively seeking it, and while there are life choices I would have made differently given the chance, I’m not going to allow myself to be burdened with regret if death approaches. I came from nothing, I’ll return to nothing.
Studying history, in any given period of time, there are only a few hundred people of notability out of millions of humans. My insignificance to the passage of time or progress of humanity bothered me when I was younger, but I’ve come to peace that given the laws of probability, I was always more likely to be among the marginal millions (billions) than the notable few. Moreover, I made a conscious choice that what it takes to be among the notable few would compromise my interests and values too much. I’d have to give up family, passions, ethics, or something else I hold dear.”
“What I also find interesting is even the most notable humans in history will one day be forgotten. Nothing humans do or achieve is permanent in the big picture of the universe. Take from that what you will. For me, it allows me to breathe and relax. I suppose some people will use that as justification for doing horrible things in the world. I don’t. I still strive to be the best version of myself.”
“I also find a lot of value in appreciating that even if my name isn’t remembered in history books, the kindness I show others – often just those in my immediate orbit, it’s not like I have a huge platform or following – has a rippling effect that never really ends. Even if I just inspire another random citizen to do something kind, or thoughtful, or brave – that’s a behavior that may never have come into our world had it not been for my actions. And then what might THAT person’s actions inspire? How far will that chain reaction go? Recognizing that you truly can’t even quantify the true impacts of your goodness helped me appreciate that doing good in my daily life is enough. Sure, I might not catch the attention of the press or historians, but I know I have inspired positive change in this world that reaches wider than I will ever know, and that is enough for me to keep trying.”
Near death experiences changing their perspective
“Near death experience moved me from ‘I’m scared of death’ to ‘hm, was that it?’”
“I had one of those. A complete calm came over me and I just thought, ‘Ah, so this is how I die.’”
“Yes, almost died, kind of did die because my heart stopped a few times and came back on its own. Postpartum pre eclampsia. At first there was panic like, oh my god I’m gonna die and worrying about my babies. Then it was just calm. Like, this is fine. Very peaceful.”
“I had a similar sensation when I almost died giving birth to my daughter. I was bleeding excessively during a cesarean and could feel myself slipping away as I continually lost and regained consciousness. I felt very peaceful. I knew my child would be loved and everything would be ok and that I could rest.”
“I also almost died of sepsis/organ failure after ruptured appendix… there was 3 days of uncertainty if I would live. All I remember was peace. Felt like everything was right. I felt the presence of everyone Iv ever known who is dead which I still question… people I would never have been thinking about. Then when I was actually coming back to myself I became more and more fearful… possibility of being on dialysis forever or leaving loved ones behind. Changed me for sure.”
“That’s how I felt after my motorcycle accident. That’s the closest I had come to death and still don’t know how long I was out for. Glad to still be here but death no longer scares me.”
See more responses here.
