There’s a cool new way to help kids with cancer keep calm during treatment.
Pretty much nobody likes getting their blood drawn. Some of us are better about it than others, but when it comes to needles, it’s safe to say very few people jump at the opportunity to get stuck with one — aside from the good-hearted folks who donate. Unfortunately, part of what cancer patients have to…
Pretty much nobody likes getting their blood drawn.
Some of us are better about it than others, but when it comes to needles, it’s safe to say very few people jump at the opportunity to get stuck with one — aside from the good-hearted folks who donate.
Unfortunately, part of what cancer patients have to go through for treatment includes tons of needle-y, pokey, proddy procedures that can give even the most stoic patients pain and anxiety. And for pediatric cancer patients, it’s even worse.
Jenny Hoag, a pediatric psychologist at the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin, tells the story of one patient, Jamie*, whose experience demonstrates just how distressing regular procedures can be for kids with cancer and other chronic diseases:
“I had worked with him since the beginning of his treatment, and he really, really struggled,” she says. “He would get here and immediately feel nauseous and anxious and would almost always vomit, sometimes more than once, before we even did anything.”
Hoag’s job is to come up with ways to help kids conquer that discomfort and anxiety. But in Jamie’s case, he wasn’t interested.
Jamie rejected Hoag’s coping mechanisms, but once she suggested virtual reality, his curiosity won out.
Hoag brought in a virtual reality program that makes the wearer feel as though they’re underwater, being pushed along calmly while viewing colorful fish, ships, and other distracting scenes.
“Once the headset was on, he was already smiling, which I almost never saw,” Hoag says. Jamie sat through the whole 20-minute program, enjoying every moment. “He took it off and said, ‘I really want to do that again.’”
Using the immersive program, Hoag was able to help Jamie endure his procedures with a lot less stress, anxiety, and pain. But it didn’t stop there. Once Jamie saw that Hoag was right about the benefits of VR, he was suddenly much more willing to try her other coping suggestions.
While once he had been anxious and withdrawn, now his virtual reality experience was encouraging Jamie to branch out into actual reality too.
Now, Hoag is working with Northwestern Mutual and KindVR to study just how much virtual reality could benefit kids at Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin and beyond.
In her work thus far, Hoag has mainly looked to solve individual cases of anxiety instead of searching for options that could be applied to help kids all over the country. “But obviously,” she says, “having an empirically supported treatment is the best way to treat kids.”
That’s why she’s preparing to apply the solution she saw work so well with Jamie to a clinical study that could result in VR programs being implemented in children’s hospitals nationwide.
Not only could VR provide a more effective way to treat patient discomfort, it could also increase the number of children that could benefit from the hospital’s psychological intervention program. With VR, many hospital staff — not just psychologists — can help patients use the equipment.
Right now, only cases that are extreme enough merit a visit from a psychologist. But if Hoag’s research proves that VR treatment is effective, hospitals could drastically increase the amount of kids receiving anxiety treatment without having to hire more staff.
For kids enduring a chronic illness, the calming effects of VR could be life-changing.
Drawing blood might not seem traumatic, but after months of frequent treatments, it can be.
“The average adolescent is having an IV maybe never, or if anything, maybe once or twice through the course of their childhood,” Hoag says. “These patients are coming in sometimes multiple times a week and having this done. So the anticipation of knowing you have to have a needle is really stressful for kids, and by the time they even get to the hospital, they’re pretty worked up about it.”
For many, the excitement of getting to use a piece of virtual reality software can help temper those feelings of nervousness or nausea, which can improve a child’s life overall by a lot.
In the end, that’s what Hoag is hoping to do: make the lives of kids with cancer just a little bit easier.
“Going through cancer treatment is probably the hardest thing that these kids will ever do — not just as children, in adolescence, but in their entire lives,” Hoag says. That’s the motivation behind her research and the efforts that Northwestern Mutual has made to sponsor similar quality of life projects to help kids with cancer.
“If there are things that we can offer that improve their quality of life or improve their experience while undergoing cancer treatment, that’s absolutely something that we want to do.”
Northwestern Mutual is the marketing name for The Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and its subsidiaries. Learn more at northwesternmutual.com.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
Death: It’s hard to talk about, and sadly, even harder to avoid. That’s why everyone wants to know how long they will live and there are many indicators that can show whether someone is thriving or on the decline. But scientists have yet to develop a magic formula to determine exactly how long someone should expect to live. Which, let’s be real, is probably a good thing. Knowing exactly how much time you have left to enjoy your life could cause a lot of anxiety, to say the very least.
NBC News medical contributor Dr. Natalie Azar appeared on the TODAY show on March 8, 2023, to demonstrate a surprisingly simple test that may predict how long someone aged 51 to 80 has to live. The test is called the sit to stand test, also known as the sit-rising test or SRT, and it takes less than a minute to perform.
How to take the sit to stand test
The test is pretty simple. Go from standing to sitting cross-legged, and then go back to standing without using any parts of your body besides your legs and core to help you get up and down. The test measures multiple longevity factors, including heart health, balance, agility, core and leg strength and flexibility.
You begin the test with a score of 10 and subtract points on your way up and down for doing the following:
Hand used for support: -1 point
Knee used for support: -1 point
Forearm used for support: -1 point
One hand on knee or thigh: -1 point
Side of leg used for support: -1 point
Two studies, 13 years apart, came to the same conclusion
The study was conducted on 2002 people, 68% of whom were men, who performed the SRT test and were followed by researchers in the coming years. The study found that “Musculoskeletal fitness, as assessed by SRT, was a significant predictor of mortality in 51–80-year-old subjects.”
Those who scored in the lowest range, 0 to 3, had up to a 6 times greater chance of dying than those in the highest scores (8 to 10). About 40% of those in the 0 to 3 range died within 11 years of the study.
What does your score actually mean?
Azar distilled the study on TODAY saying: “The study found that the lower the score, you were seven times more likely to die in the next six years.”
“Eight points or higher is what you want,” Azar said. “As we get older, we spend time talking cardiovascular health and aerobic fitness, but balance, flexibility and agility are also really important,” she stressed. A score of eight or nine means you’re allowed to roll forward onto your knees and then rise, which a lot of people will find more comfortable. If you can rise that way, you’re still in a pretty good spot health wise.
One should note that the people who scored lowest on the test were the oldest, giving them a naturally elevated risk of death.
Dr. Greg Hartley, Board Certified Geriatric Clinical Specialist and associate professor at the University of Miami, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that we should take the study with a grain of salt. “Frailty, strength, muscle mass, physical performance: those things are all correlated to mortality, but I would caution everybody that correlation doesn’t mean causation,” he said.
And of course, the test doesn’t take into account injuries or disabilities that may make doing the test impossible. But one of the study’s authors says that the study is a call to take our mobility seriously.
“The more active we are the better we can accommodate stressors, the more likely we are to handle something bad that happens down the road,” Dr. Claudio Gil Araujo, told USA Today.
Even low-impact exercise like yoga can increase your mobility and flexibility and, thus, your SRT score. Photo credit: Canva
What to do if your score is low
What should you do if you can’t manage a good score on the SRT? First of all, don’t panic! It’s never too late to improve your overall health, fitness, and strength, so regular exercise is a great thing to incorporate if you’re not already doing it.
A couple of specific skills that will help are boosting your ankle flexibility, hip mobility, and core strength. Trainers recommend incorporating squats, lunges, and planks into your regular routine. Just using your own bodyweight is plenty to get started, though if you’re up for incorporating any added loads, the strength training will do wonders for your bone density, as well.
But remember that the SRT is just a measure of strength and mobility, which could correlate to an older person’s likelihood of suffering from a fatal fall. It doesn’t do anything to measure your cardiovascular health (vitally important especially in older people), for example. And it may not even be the most reliable longevity test out there. It has been criticized for its extremely unnatural range of motion. For starters, rising by pushing up on the sides of our ankles with our knees pointed outward is certainly not representative of a real-life situation. Some doctors insist that your comfortable walking speed is a better indicator of health and longevity, while others say grip strength is the key measurement.
Remember, it is never too late to start healthy routines for a better quality of life.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.
Some people enjoy small talk and are naturally good at it. For others, it feels like mental and emotional torture. There are many reasons why people are nervous about entering social situations where they have to make small talk, such as a work event, a party where they don’t know many people, or at school. Some people don’t enjoy small talk because they get frustrated talking about seemingly unimportant topics.
At the same time, others are shy and afraid they’ll say the wrong thing or run out of topics of conversation. Psychologists suggest those who are uncomfortable knowing what to say should use the FORD method of conversation starters. It’s an acronym that’s an easy way to remember four different topics of conversation that work with just about anyone.
Just about everyone has a family, so it’s a great way to ask someone to share some information about their personal lives without being too forward. Arzt suggests the following questions when making small talk:
You can ask people about their parents, kids, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, or just family in general. Photo credit: Canva
Do you have any siblings?
How did you two meet? (if you are meeting a couple for the first time)
How old is your child?
How is your____ (sister, brother, mother, etc.) doing since ____ (event that happened?)
Occupation
Just like a family, almost everyone has a job. Or, if they do not, that can be an interesting topic as well. Here are some starter questions you can ask someone about their job.
You can take questions about someone’s occupation beyond simply, Photo credit: Canva
What do you do for a living?
How do you like working at _____?
What’s your favorite part of your job?
What made you interested in becoming a _____?
Recreation
You can learn a lot about a person after knowing how they spend their free time. It’s also an excellent way to determine if someone is like-minded and shares the same interests. Here are some questions to get the ball rolling.
It is fun to talk about, well…fun. Photo credit: Canva
What do you like to do for fun?
Have you watched (or read) ______(popular show/book)?
What are you up to this weekend?
Dreams
Learning someone’s hope for the future can tell you much about who they are on a deeper level. They may have just told you about their current job or how they spend their time. But, ultimately, what do they wish to do with their lives? Here’s how to ask someone about their dreams.
Everyone has hopes and dreams. Photo credit: Canva
Where do you hope to be working in the next few years?
Where would you like to travel?
What’s something you’d like to try in the future?
Would you ever consider trying _____ (particular hobby or activity)?
Don’t just ask questions, share your own answers
Arzt also notes that you shouldn’t just be an interviewer. You have to talk about yourself, too. In other words, you need a mutual give-and-take. “Pay attention to someone else’s answers and think about how you can draw from your own experience to connect,” she wrote. When you’re feeling socially anxious, it can be hard to listen to the other person while also thinking about your own responses, so thinking of the FORD acronym for yourself and having something to share in each category ahead of time can be a way to avoid the dreaded awkward silence that sometimes happens during small talk.
It can also be tricky to know how much you should be talking vs. how much you should be listening. If you’re not sure how much to say during a conversation, follow the 43:57 rule. A numbers guy at Gong.io analyzed over 25,000 sales calls with AI and found the perfect speaking-to-listening ratio. Sales soared when the salesperson talked 43% of the time and listened for 57%.
Even though this insight is from business calls, it applies to everyday social interactions. It’s really about listening and making the other person feel special. After all, who doesn’t love feeling heard and appreciated?
Small talk doesn’t have to be torturous, even if it’s something you don’t look forward to. With a little preparation and some genuine curiosity, it might even become enjoyable as you make new connections with people.
This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.
The prevailing logic in today’s political world is that polarization is worsening because people live in media echo chambers where they are only exposed to outlets that mirror their views. People who live in echo chambers come to distrust any opinions outside their bubbles, especially when they’re not exposed to conflicting information. This creates a scenario where the person becomes increasingly entrenched in their worldview.
One would assume that after a person becomes fully entrenched in an echo chamber, they have little chance of changing their views. However, a new working paper by researchers at UC Berkley and Yale universities has found that when people are removed from their bubbles, there’s a chance they’ll change their minds.
What happened when Fox News viewers watched CNN for a month
David Broockman of UC Berkeley and Joshua Kalla of Yale conducted a study in fall 2020, publishing their findings in 2022, in which they paid regular Fox News viewers $15 an hour to watch CNN for around seven hours a week for a month. The researchers then surveyed them about their political beliefs and knowledge of current events.
The study is titled “The manifold effects of partisan media on viewers’ beliefs and attitudes: A field experiment with Fox News viewers.” It was conducted in fall 2020, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and the lead-up to the presidential election.
When the participants were polled, researchers found that they were five percentage points more likely to believe that people suffer from long COVID, 6 points more likely to think that other countries did a better job of controlling the virus, and 7 points more likely to support voting by mail.
Anderson Cooper and David Axelrod speaking in the spin room following the CNN Republican Presidential Debate at the Olmsted Center at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. via Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons
“CNN provided extensive coverage of COVID-19, which included information about the severity of the COVID-19 crisis and poor aspects of Trump’s performance handling COVID-19. Fox News covered COVID-19 much less,” said the study.
How their views on Trump and police changed
After Fox viewers switched to CNN, their opinions on the social justice protests happening at the time changed. The switchers were 10 points less likely to think that Biden supporters were happy when police got shot and 13 points less likely to believe that if Biden gets elected, “we’ll see many more police get shot by Black Lives Matter activists.”
Many of the participants also realized that when it came to Trump, they weren’t getting the whole story. After switching to a steady diet of CNN they were less likely to agree that “if Donald Trump did something bad, Fox News would discuss it.”
“Despite regular Fox viewers being largely strong partisans, we found manifold effects of changing the slant of their media diets on their factual beliefs, attitudes, perceptions of issues’ importance, and overall political views,” the authors of the study said.
What the study means for political polarization in America
The study shows that Fox News isn’t just a media outlet that affirms its viewers’ worldviews; it also feeds them a distorted version of reality that pushes them toward more extreme opinions. The good news is that some of these people can be changed when exposed to better information. It should also be noted that Fox News viewers aren’t the only ones living in information bubbles and that there are plenty of ideological traps that ensnare people on the left as well.
“Partisan media aren’t just putting a thumb on the scale for their side,” Broockman said. “They’re also hiding information that voters need to hold politicians accountable. That’s not just good for their side and bad for the other side — it’s bad for democracy, and for all of us.”
Two months after the study, it was found that the Fox News viewers reverted to their opinions before their exposure to CNN. Still, Broockman believes that the study offers some hope in a time of deep political polarization. “Even among the most orthodox partisans and partisan media viewers,” he said, according to Berkeley, “those who receive a sustained diet of information that helps them see the bigger picture actually are open-minded enough to understand that their side isn’t doing a perfect job, either.”
The study should give everyone hope that all is not lost and that America’s political divide may not be impossible to bridge.
This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.
Anna Mellor is a popular TikTokker best known for making videos where she pranks her husband, Rory. In one hit video, she forces him to dress as Mrs. Claus for the family Christmas card. In another, they plan a romantic movie night and she pretends to fall asleep just as Rory’s entering the room with popcorn. Basically, they’re couple goals and it’s extremely obvious to anyone watching that they are best friends, even soulmates, despite the lumps Rory takes along the way. But poor Rory may have got the last laugh after a secretive long-con he played left her stupefied.
The secret? He’s been leaving her love letters in her shoes for years.
The six-year secret hidden inside her shoes
Anna took to TikTok to share the tale with her near one million followers.
“I just discovered a six-year secret my husband has been keeping from me,” Mellor captioned a post with the big reveal. The video has over 2.6 million views since it was posted in March, 2022.
Anna got hip to her husband’s secret joke after she purchased a pair of used Fila shoes and found a secret message written in black Sharpie on the inside: “I Fila lot better when ur around.” (A love letter and a dad joke, to boot. We love to see it.)
Me thinking it was a love letter for someone else has same energy as when Rory was proposing and I thought the ring was somebody else’s that got lost at the beach😂😂
After making the discovery, she called her husband to tell him the strange news.
“I was like, ‘I just found a love letter in my shoes,’” she explained. Rory acted confused to hear the news. “He’s like, ‘Are you being serious?’ Acting as if I should know what’s going on,” Anna said. But he couldn’t keep up the charade for long. “We have been married for six years. I have been writing in your shoes for six years and you just noticed for the first time” he admitted.
Anna then opened up another sneaker that had “If your feet get tired I will carry you” written on the tongue.
It makes you wonder how many pairs of shoes that she’s thrown out had secret messages in them?
Anna was clearly shocked by the revelation and thought it was a wonderfully creative way for her husband to show his love. It also shows that the man has an incredible talent at keeping a secret. Not to mention the outstanding patience on display! Commenters on the video thought that Rory is definitely a keeper, with all the makings of an all-star husband and dad.
“Immediately getting a divorce… none of my shoes say stuff!” TheMrsGarcia1111 wrote. “Where did you find him and how do I get one…asking for a friend,” Keelyn added.
“Ughhh *getting up to take my shoes to my husband and start and argument*” another user joked.
“It’s so much sweeter that he kept doing it even though you never praised him for it” added another.
This isn’t even their first viral moment
This isn’t the first time the couple has gone viral. Back in 2020, Anna posted a video on TikTok where she sent her husband a dirty text message, but it was intercepted by her mother-in-law.
In the video, a horrified Anna can be heard saying, “Wait, wait, no… oh no” as she watches Rory’s mother reaching for the phone. “Did you read that?” Rory asks after taking a look for himself. “I thought it was my phone,” she responds. “That is so gross!”
Talk about embarrassing.
But, mostly, viewers love the pranks. They can’t get enough of the pranks.
Why humor and small gestures matter so much in a relationship
Research shows that good-natured ribbing, like the type that Anna and Rory share in their videos, is great for a couple. A meta-analysis of 39 studies found that couples who “create humor together” through inside jokes are more likely to last than those that don’t.
“People say they want a sense of humor in a mate, but that’s a broad concept,” Professor Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas said according to The Daily Mail. “What is strongly related to relationship satisfaction is the humor that couples create together.”
And little love notes and other small displays of affection? They’re key in a happy marriage. They seem small and maybe even silly, but they communicate a lot: Commitment, effort, and love. Anna and Rory are such an inspirational couple because beyond even love, it’s so obvious that they like each other. That’s a highly underrated aspect of a great relationship. If you’re trying to inject a little more of this playful fun in your own relationship, well, shoes might be a good place to start.
This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.
Most of us have a desire to improve our health, sleep more soundly, have more energy and just generally feel better in our daily lives. And yet those things feel elusive to many of us, so we’re always on the hunt for hacks that can help us, and if those hacks don’t require a huge change in lifestyle or herculean feats of willpower, all the better.
Thankfully, there’s one small change you can make to your morning routine that can make a big difference in how you feel, think and sleep, and it’s refreshingly simple.
The simple morning habit that changes everything
In a nutshell: Go outside and face the sun. More specifically, go outside as soon as possible after waking, but definitely within the hour, and look toward the sun for 2 to 10 minutes if it’s a bright, sunny day and a little longer on a cloudy one.
Most of us know we get vitamin D from sun exposure on our skin, but that’s really not what getting morning sunlight is about. It’s about the sun’s light energy hitting our eyes.
As Dr. Andrew Huberman, associate professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University School of Medicine, explains, “This is not some ‘woo’ biological thing. This is grounded in the core of our physiology. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of quality peer-reviewed papers showing that light viewing early in the day is the most powerful stimulus for wakefulness throughout the day and it has a powerful positive impact on your ability to fall and stay asleep at night.”
Huberman calls it a “power tool” for getting a great night’s sleep and lists it as one of the six pillars people should invest in every day—morning sunlight, daily movement, quality nutrition, stress control, healthy relationships and deep sleep.
Take care of yourself and take care of others. Daily investment in the 6 pillars is the way: morning sunlight, daily movement, quality nutrition, stress control, healthy relationships, deep sleep. Re-up every 24hrs so you can contribute and support others consistently too.
While the advice to look toward the sun flies in the face of all the times we’ve been warned not to look at the sun, in the early morning, the sun is less intense and you don’t need to look directly at it to get the benefits of its light rays. The photons still enter your eyes through indirect light, triggering the cortisol spike that sets your circadian rhythm in order.
“Getting sunlight in your eyes first thing in the morning is absolutely vital to mental and physical health,” Huberman says. “It is perhaps the most important thing that any and all of us can and should do in order to promote metabolic well-being, promote the positive functioning of your hormone system, get your mental health steering in the right direction.”
And you can also see Dr. Huberman go a lot more in depth about the benefits of sunlight and light therapies of all kinds here.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
When Los Angeles-based actor and singer Beavan Zulu found out his grandfather in Zambia was in urgent need of expensive medical treatment, he knew he’d do whatever he could to help…including singing emo covers of decidedly not-emo songs.
As Zulu explained, his grandfather, Mr. Rebby Malekani Chanda, required a type of surgery for his heart condition that isn’t provided in Zambia. The closest available area that could provide such treatment was in India, over 4,000 miles away. But Zulu’s family was already financially tapped out from Mr. Chanda’s previous medical care costs.
However, Zulu was determined to get his grandfather the help he needed.
“I love my grandpa so much, and he deserves this care.”
Faced with this daunting financial hurdle, Zulu could have simply shared the GoFundMe created by his family. Instead, he leaned into something a little more personal, with a lot more attitude. Not to mention makeshift sideswept bangs.
Rather than simply ask for donations, Zulu wanted to get creative with his fundraising and put his singing skills to good use. That’s when he remembered entertaining his high school with an emo rendition of “Let it Go” from Disney’s Frozen. It worked once…it could work again, right?
“I took a leap of faith and posted the first video not thinking anything crazy would come from it,” Zulu recalled with Upworthy.
Millions leaned into all of Zulu’s whiny, dramatic emoisms and commitment to eyeliner energy. Exceeding all expectations, Zulu received all of his $40K goal in a matter of four days.
That’s right, only three songs were sung (including “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan, Zula’s personal favorite) before making all the money necessary to not only cover Mr. Chanda’s surgery and travel, but also tickets so that Zulu and his family could go be there with him during recovery. Turns out, if you sing like your heart is breaking while asking people to help fix your grandfather’s heart, people listen.
HOLY COW Y’ALL ARE THE BEST!! 😭 alright tell me in the comments where you would travel internationally with @Emirates @KLM Royal Dutch Airlines @fly.ethiopian @GoFundMe #cover#disney
As a thank you, Zulu sang one extra bonus: “Fireflies” by Owl City.
Zulu shared with Upworthy, “My biggest takeaway is that with good faith, fun, and trust in yourself and your community, anything is possible. The Internet can really be a scary place, especially now, but it also grants us access to the world community and with the right intention, that community can really uplift you tenfold when you most need it.”
Even in such a difficult time, Zulu leaned into joy, and it inspired complete strangers to rally for his cause. Sure, the fun nostalgia helped, but him putting his whole heart out on the line is what moved people. Laughter, music, and love really are wonderful tools for creating miracles.
Or, said a different way: even if we are all chronically online, people will still show up for sincerity, especially when it comes with a side of dramatic vocals and perfectly timed angst.
Be sure to give Zulu a follow to watch even more amazing emo covers (at the time of this writing, we’re up to six iconic songs featuring side bangs and fingerless gloves).
You finally have good news. A promotion at work. The text you’ve been waiting all week for. You watch your kid take those first wobbly steps across the living room.
You excitedly tell a friend, your heart still racing a little, and they glance at their phone, mumble, “That’s great,” and slump back into their chair. Technically, they said the right thing. But their body told a different story.
Nonverbal cues are like the backstage crew of every conversation. Just because you don’t always notice them doesn’t mean they’re not there, controlling the lights, the mood, and the entire show. Psychologist Albert Mehrabian suggested that when we express feelings, only a small portion of the message comes from words, while much of the rest comes from tone and body language.
In other words, you can say “I’m listening” with your mouth, but your posture, eye contact, and tone of voice might be saying “I’m not.”
But there’s hope! These are skills, not personality flaws, and once you see the patterns—a handful of automatic, low-awareness habits that can unintentionally make others feel judged, dismissed, or unimportant—you can start to shift them.
Here are nine common “silent habits” that can create distance, plus gentle ways to adjust your behavior:
1. Avoiding eye contact
You’re halfway through a story about how your previous apartment was infiltrated by bees, and you can feel it: the other person’s gaze keeps sliding past your shoulder, down to the table, anywhere but your face. You finish the story, but something deep within you recoils.
In many cultures, steady, comfortable eye contact is one of the simplest tools we have to convey, “I’m here with you. You matter.” Without it, words can feel hollow. When the opposite happens—when we rarely look someone in the eye during a conversation—they may feel invisible or boring, even if it’s just meant to give them some space or to “not stare.”
How Much Eye Contact is Too Much? Use The 50/70 Rule Unlocking the power of eye contact is about balance, not rigid percentages. Speaking requires about 50% eye contact while listening demands around 70%. Quality trumps quantity, so make it meaningful. #eyecontact#dating#turnons#datingtips#datingadvice
Eye contact can be hard or even painful for some people, including folks who are shy, anxious, or neurodivergent. Others may have been raised in a culture that did not demand steady eye contact. That is why it helps to treat it as a flexible tool rather than a moral test.
How to shift: Try the “50/70” guideline, and hold eye contact about half the time while you speak and a little more while you listen. Let your gaze rest on their eyes or the bridge of their nose, then drift away naturally. If direct eye contact feels intense, look near their eyes instead; you’ll still create a sense of connection.
2. Crossing your arms
This one is tricky. Sometimes, you cross your arms because it’s cold outside and you forgot to bring a jacket. Other times, you truly don’t know what to do with your hands.
A tightly crossed posture often reads as “closed off,” “annoyed,” or “not open to what you are saying,” even when you feel fully engaged. Body language researchers describe it as creating a physical barrier. The perception is the problem, not necessarily the posture itself. As nonverbal behavior expert Alison Henderson has noted, “The perception is the important part. They may think a gesture is harmless because they don’t mean anything by it, but it’s how it’s perceived that becomes the issue.”
Over time, friends may stop sharing things with you. It’s difficult to be vulnerable with someone whose body keeps bracing for impact.
How to shift: Experiment with opening your stance. Rest your arms at your sides, in your lap, or around a cup, notebook, or bag. When you show your hands—especially with palms relaxed or open—you tend to look warmer and more approachable.
3. Phubbing (or phone snubbing)
Even a quick glance at your phone’s notification screen can feel like a tiny rejection, especially during emotionally charged moments. Research suggests that “phubbing” (a blend of “phone” and “snubbing”) can chip away at relationships over time, as it signals to the other person, “I’m checking to see if something more interesting has popped up.”
Checking your phone, even for a second, can have negative social impact. Photo credit: Canva
The worst part is that most people check their phones without trying to be rude—often, they don’t even care what’s on it. Our phones are simply irresistible, and our daily habits have hard-wired constant checking.
How to shift: When you’re with someone, try putting your phone fully away. Not face-down on the table or across the room, but away, either in another room or in your backpack. When you’re impervious to its seductive hum calling for your attention, you can be truly present with what matters: the other person in the room. However, if you truly expect an urgent call or text, name it upfront: “Just a heads up, I’m waiting for a call from so-and-so. I might check my phone once or twice, but I’m listening; I really want to hear this.” This tiny disclaimer can do wonders.
4. Slouching or “checked out”
No one’s perfect; we all have days when we want to melt into our couch and become one with its cushions. But when your shoulders cave in, your gaze drifts, and your whole body tilts away from the person speaking, your posture can come across as disinterest or apathy, no matter how engaged you are in the conversation. As body language consultant Dr. Lillian Glass puts it, poor posture conveys that you’re “not positive, not energetic, not caring.” Even if you’re fully mentally present, a rounded-in posture can make you appear inattentive or guarded.
Posture is a complex subject: it shapes not only how people see you, but also how you feel. A more upright, supported posture can boost alertness and mood, making it easier to stay present.
How to shift:Practice at home. Sit with your lower back supported and your feet on the floor if you can. Let your shoulders relax instead of locking them in place. Maybe lean forward a bit. Doing this when someone talks (just a few degrees, not “invading your space” territory) can come across as an act of solidarity.
5. Eye rolling and other “I’m above this” expressions
Few gestures cut as sharply as an eye roll. A sigh, a smirk, or a raised eyebrow at an inopportune moment can sting as much as harsh words.
Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman points to contempt—often expressed through eye‑rolling, mocking faces, or sneering tones—as one of the most corrosive behaviors in close relationships. To the person on the receiving end, it does not just say, “I disagree.” It says, “You are beneath me.”
But it’s not so simple, is it? The movement can reflect many things: frustration, fatigue, overwhelm, or thinking. Someone might roll their eyes because they’re searching for the right words (and looking up is just part of how they process information), or because they are reacting playfully or dramatically, but it lands in a way they didn’t intend. However, it’s important to be mindful of when, how, and where you roll your eyes—eye rolling is easy to misread.
How to shift: When you feel that “Ugh, I can’t believe this” frustration rise, hit pause. Take a breath and soften your expression on purpose, even for a second. If you disagree or feel hurt, try putting it into words instead of rolling your eyes. “I’m having a strong emotional response, and I’m not sure why. Can you tell me more about where you’re coming from?” A simple phrase like this leaves little room for interpretation. Respectful curiosity keeps the door open.
6. Standing too close and invading personal space
Everyone carries an invisible bubble around their body, a personal “comfort zone” that shifts with culture, relationship, and context. When you stand too close, especially with acquaintances or coworkers, you can trigger a sense of intrusion or even threat.
Anthropologist Edward T. Hall’s classic research on proxemics identifies a hierarchy of space around every person: an intimate zone (roughly 0–1.5 feet) reserved for close loved ones; a personal zone (1.5–4 feet) for good friends; and a social zone (4–12 feet) for colleagues and acquaintances.
You do not need to create charts outlining everyone’s “personal space parameters” (nor should you). The key lies in what you can see: in real life, people lean back, step away, or angle their bodies when they want more room.
Bouncing a leg, tapping the table, clicking a pen, or twisting your hair can all help your body release nervous energy. These aren’t “bad” habits per se, but during a conversation—especially in small spaces or during meetings—they can distract or even irritate those around you.
In extreme cases, constant fidgeting can trigger a biological response. Some people live with misokinesia, a strong negative reaction to repetitive movements in their field of vision, and a jiggling foot can be overwhelming, preventing them from hearing your actual message.
How to shift: Start by noticing your patterns. Do you fidget more when you feel anxious, bored, or overstimulated? The next time you feel those emotions, check if you’re fidgeting. When you catch yourself, do a quick realignment, and gently plant your feet on the floor. Rest your hands on a steady surface. Move your energy into slower, deliberate actions, like taking a deep breath, sipping water, or uncurling your shoulders. You don’t have to be perfectly still. Just find a calmer rhythm.
8. Being late and acting like it’s “no big deal”
Most of us understand that sometimes, life gets in the way. There was a crash on the highway, leading to an extra 15 minutes of traffic. The kids refused to put their shoes on and leave the house. Your boss monopolized your attention after work.
But more than the actual act of lateness, what hurts is the failure to acknowledge it. When someone walks in late and acts as if nothing happened, the people who waited and were patient can feel like their time isn’t important. Like they’re supporting characters in the late person’s life, just waiting in the wings until they arrive. If that pattern repeats, the warmth and trust that once permeated the relationship can run dry, as friends and coworkers start to pull back emotionally, even if they never say exactly why.
How to shift: As soon as you realize you’re running late, send a quick message. “Running 10 minutes behind—so sorry, I’ll be there soon.” When you arrive, offer a simple, sincere apology: “Sorry for being late! Thanks for waiting for me.” No one’s expecting an Oscar-winning speech or monologue. You don’t have to be long-winded or self-flagellating to convey how sorry you are. Owning the impact can restore more goodwill than you think.
9. Finger pointing, literally
During a conversation, you extend your index finger toward another person. You’re just being helpful, identifying the person you’re talking about, which often happens unconsciously in moments when emotions run high.
But there’s a reason this is one of the older taboos in social gesturing: finger-pointing has historically been associated with accusation, blame, and aggression. In Western cultures, finger-pointing at a person reads as lecturing, dominant, or confrontational. Even in calmer contexts, it can make the person on the receiving end feel singled out or diminished. In a casual disagreement with a friend, even a gentle finger jab toward them while speaking can make the exchange feel more combative than it needs to be.
How to shift: When you feel the itch to gesture for emphasis, use an open hand instead, with your palms facing upward. You can even gesture in the air between you and the other person, instead of directly at them. When you refer to something specific, try using your whole hand to point in that direction rather than a single extended finger.
Body language is a learnable skill
As we’ve mentioned, there are a million reasons why these habits join our autopilot, and they don’t always come from mean, judgmental places. No one wakes up and thinks, “Today I will cross my arms and glance at my phone to make my friend feel small.”
The nine habits described here share one important quality: nearly all of them are unintentional.
But the truth is, your body keeps talking, even when you stay quiet. When your body tells a different story than the one that lives in your heart, people feel that mismatch. And often, they go with the one they can see, not hear.
Here is the hopeful piece: you can learn to excel at nonverbal communication, just like any other skill. With gentle awareness, you can sit up a little straighter, maintain steady eye contact, and treat even the smallest gestures with care.
You don’t need to fix everything at once. Conversations shouldn’t feel like a system overload of monitoring every aspect of your body (actually listening to what’s being said is still important, so don’t forget that). Maybe you uncross your arms on purpose, or throw your phone in the other room. Over time, those small shifts add up. Others will feel a little more seen, a little more respected, a little more at ease in the space around you.
Comedian Robin Williams never seemed to stop his lifelong quest to make people laugh. He succeeded so often that it must have simply felt like second nature to him. It was almost as if all he had to do was just wave a magic wand and poof! Laughter.
This gift seemed to appear to Williams as a child, and he carried it with him most of his life. So when he heard the uproarious chuckles of one woman in the audience of an interview with James Lipton on Inside the Actors Studio, he couldn’t help but become the conductor of his own little laughter orchestra.
On the History Clips Only Instagram page, a Reel is captioned, “Robin Williams paused his interview after hearing a woman laugh – only to make her laugh harder.” In the clip, Lipton brings up the phrase “legalized insanity” as a term he says Williams has used in order to help people “understand” him. This is followed by a loud giggle in the audience that immediately captures Williams’ attention.
Lipton asks, “What is legalized insanity?” Williams leans in, and just as he’s about to answer, he seems to hear the woman in the audience scream-laughing. He leans back in his chair as though he’s being possessed by a demon. He then gets up and shimmies toward the laughter with a silly dance, while exclaiming, “You know you want it!”
The woman, in a sea of laughter, stands out even more. She is now screeching. And the louder she gets, the more infectious it seems for the rest of the audience. He sits back down and says to Lipton, “I think that’s one example.”
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Her laugh becomes like staccato little yelps of joy. Williams gets up again and asks, “Are you okay?” We now see the face of the woman laughing in the audience, her cheeks glowing bright red. She covers her mouth as we see her eyes shut tighter with every guffaw. Williams can’t help himself. He too begins to laugh and tells her, “It’s okay. It’s alright.”
But now the entire audience is in the palm of his hand, as they so often were. He switches gears and pretends to be a preacher with a southern accent. “Baby Jesus loves you,” he yells twice, to an applause break. “I know you believe! I’m gonna lay my hands on you, but first I’m gonna do this!”
Now the woman decides to take part. “I believe,” she yells back. “I believe in the power!” He continues, “I’d lay my hands on you, but first, first, I’ve got to do THIS. A lot of times, people know the reverend will do that!” He then returns to his seat as the crowd continues going wild.
We get a shot of the woman again, now wiping away tears of pure joy from her bright face.
A woman laughing during a Robin Williams interview. Photo Credit: @historyclipsonly, Instagram, Canva
As was so often the case with Williams, people responded to the joy he brought much of the world with accolades. The clip has nearly a quarter of a million likes and over a thousand comments.
One Instagrammer writes, “Laughing so good that you get a personal Robin Williams monologue is a life win.”
Another shares a similar sentiment: “The best kinds of people are those who strive to make people happy and laugh. Robin did exactly that, making others happy before himself. RIP to a legend.”
Someone who claims to have done the makeup for Williams in that particular segment shared, “Okay, so I was very lucky on that day since I had the honor of doing Robin Williams’ makeup on that particular segment. I had worked inside the Actors Studio for approximately 12 years. He was by far one of the most talented and the most humble. We lost a beautiful gift. RIP.”
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