Mom creates groundbreaking way to teach her kids about chores with a 'Notice and Do' list
She says it has been a game changer.

The "Notice and Do" list is a great chore list alternative that teaches kids to be aware of what needs to be done.
Though motherhood has long involved the intangible, yet nonetheless taxing responsibilities of managing a household, weβve only had the term βinvisible laborβ to actually define this experience for thirty some odd years. And if the conversation of invisible labor is still fairly new in the world of adults, how can they teach kids to be cognizant of it?
Sam Kelly, therapist and mom of three, has a pretty cool solution to this, and it starts by tweaking the traditional chore list. On her Threads account, Kelly explained that she has ongoing conversations about invisible labor with her 6, 10, and 12-year-old, where she teaches them that βthat the very first step in anything getting done around the house (including chores) is NOTICING that something needs to get done and then doing it.β
Itβs through these conversations that Kelly realized the chores charts that most parents use miss this βcrucial step,β which only βdefaults that emotional labor onto me, their mom/the woman, to carry the load of knowing what needs to get done and then doing the work of assigning tasks.β
So, instead of chores, Kellyβs family participates in an activity she calls their βNotice and Doβs.β
βIβm teaching my kids how to first notice what needs to be done around the house and then take the initiative to actually do it on their own,β she writes, with the end goal being for them to eventually participate in βshouldering the mental load (in age-appropriate ways)β without needing instructions from mom.
Β ΒΒΒPost by @samkelly_worldΒView on Threads
Long term, Kelly hopes that her kids will not only be more aware of invisible labor that happens every day, but also βhave developed the proactive, self-motivational skills to take responsibility for doing it themselves.β
In creating her βNotice and Doβ lists, Kelly has also made sure to addressβand dispelβ inherent gender norms, in both teaching her daughter that it is not solely a womanβs job, and teaching her son to take an equal amount of responsibility.
βThis might seem like a crazy fantasy pipe dream. I get it,β she writes. βBut slowly, over timeβ¦itβs working.β
All in all, other adults seemed to love this approach.
βThose are all great executive functioning skills of planning, organization, perception, attention, working memory and initiation at work. Well done!ππΎππΎ,β one person wrote.
βI love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around. Goes a long way,β another added.β
βI love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around."
Kellyβs βNotice and Doβ list obviously isnβt a fix-all, but the fact that itβs creating awareness around labor which so often goes unnoticed is such a game changer. Think about how different our society might be if this mindset skill was as commonly taught as the alphabet or time tables.
Thankfully, Kelly did make it easy to teach kids with a free guide, which you can check out here.
- Therapist and mom helps struggling parents by explaining care tasks are βmorally neutral' βΊ
- Man tells other dads to stop asking their wives one 'frustrating' question and to do this instead βΊ
- Woman's husband says she does 'nothing' around the house, so she proceeded to do just that βΊ
- βWoman says she doesn't take men's advice, sparks discussion - Upworthy βΊ
- Screw your 'to-do list,' psychologist suggests 'to-don't' lists can be just as helpful - Upworthy βΊ
- 7-year-old demonstrates how to prioritize with adorable 24-item To-Do list. - Upworthy βΊ
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
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Β A chameleon rolls its eyes. Β Β Giphy SWR KindernetzΒ
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for informationβnot just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimicβ¦could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if theyβve never lived in the South themselves."
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Β Sam Elliott gives a tip of his cowboy hat. Β Β Giphy, Sam Elliott, Grit TV Β
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESLβbut English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I donβt know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! Iβm 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.