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Family

Lesbian couple answers the most common questions they get from strangers

Yes, they are both the "real" mom.

lesbian parenting, lesbian mom, two mom families, parenting, queer parenting
@allieandsam/Instagram, used with permission

Moms Allie and Sam Conway answer the questions the commonly get a lesbian parents

Despite society having made a lot of progress when it comes to same-sex relationships and alternative families, it’s not so commonplace that many queer parents are still presented with questions about their lifestyle from straight people.

And while queer parents probably (rightfully) grow tired of answering certain questions day in and day out, having open conversation helps break through the lack of understanding which causes stigma and misconceptions in the first place.

In a now-viral video shared to their Instagram, lesbian moms Allie and Sam Conway answer commonly asked questions they get as a queer married couple with twins.

Of course, they started with the age-old question:

“Who’s the real mom?”

Though people by and large are able to differentiate biological connection from emotional connection (like with adoptive parents or step-parents to take on an active role in their step children’s lives), this is still a question that same-sex parents face regularly. And it’s a fairly harmful one at that, as it implicitly undermines the non-biological parent’s role in the family.

So, to Sam’s point: “We’re both the mom.”

Allie also told Upworthy that the usual response to this answer is "oh my gosh! That’s amazing!" Which makes her—and us—"smile so much."

Next up:

“Who’s the dad?”

To which they replied: “there isn’t a dad.”

This is also a question fused with negative connotation, as it suggests a father figure is necessary for raising well-adjusted kids. But research shows that kids born to same-sex parents fare just as well as the children of straight couples, indicating that what’s really necessary for a child’s development is two healthy, loving parents. That’s it.

Okay, this next one actually had an answer that surprised some folks:

“Who carried them?”

Though Sam wanted to be the one to get pregnant, Allie agreed to try after Sam’s “long fertility journey” of three IUI’s, three embryo transfers and multiple chemical pregnancies with one miscarriage.

However, the couple used Sam’s eggs, and Sam did the breastfeeding.

How the heck did that happen, you might wonder. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. So did lots of viewers. Sam underwent induced lactation, which tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and producing breast milk—it’s something often utilized by adoptive mothers.

Lastly, a fun one:

“What do the kids call you?”

“Mummy and other mummy,” Sam quipped. “We’re rotating all day,” Allie added.

Without proper understanding, stigma persists. That’s how myths like “queer parents turn their children gay” or “children of two-mother families are more likely to be bullied” continue. And while it’s certainly not the responsibility of parents like Allie and Sam to educate folks on the realities of queer parenting, it’s great that they do offer genuine insight.

And thankfully, they are usually met with positive reactions from people, Allie tells Upworthy. Which only further encourages them to answer more question and offer glimpses into "different types of families."

At the end of the day, families are made up of people who love and support one another. Everything else is just window dressing.

Check out even more heartwarming family content from Allie and Sam on Instagram.


This article originally appeared on 3.15.24

Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani wows audiences with his amazing musical talents.

Mozart was known for his musical talent at a young age, playing the harpsichord at age 4 and writing original compositions at age 5. So perhaps it's fitting that a video of 5-year-old piano prodigy Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart has gone viral as people marvel at his musical abilities.

Alberto's legs couldn't even reach the pedals, but that didn't stop his little hands from flying expertly over the keys as incredible music pours out of the piano at the 10th International Musical Competition "Città di Penne" in Italy in 2022. Even if you've seen young musicians play impressively, it's hard not to have your jaw drop at this one. Sometimes a kid comes along who just clearly has a gift.

Of course, that gift has been helped along by two professional musician parents. But no amount of teaching can create an ability like this.


Alberto first started playing in 2020 in the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Italy was one of the first countries to experience a serious lockdown, and Alberto's mother used the opportunity to start teaching her son to play piano. Alessia Cingolani and her husband Simone Cartuccia are both music conservatory graduates, and mom Alessia told Italian entertainment website Contrataque that she and her husband recognized Alberto's talent immediately.

She said that although Alberto spends a lot of time at the piano, he also has plenty of time for school and play and television, like a normal kid.

There's genuinely nothing "normal" about this kid's piano playing, though. Watch:

Wow, right? There are countless adults who took years of piano lessons and never got to that level of playing. It's like he's channeling Amadeus himself.

According to Corriere Adriatico, by the time he was 4 1/2 years old, Alberto had participated in seven national and international online competitions and won first place in all of them. His mother told the outlet that he started out practicing for about 10 minutes a day and gradually increased to three hours.

"He has a remarkable flair for the piano," she said. Um, yeah. Clearly.

Some commenters expressed some concern for the boy based on his seriousness and what looks like dark circles under his eyes in the video, but if you check out other videos of Alberto playing at home, he is more relaxed. Most of his playing and competition entries have been done online, so performing for a crowd is probably new for him. And in interviews, his mother has made it clear that they prioritize normal childhood activities.

Some children are just genuine prodigies, and Alberto certainly seems to fit that bill. Can't wait to see what kind of musical future awaits this kid.


This article originally appeared on 5.4.22

'Love is Blind' alum tackles mental health of reality tv stars

Since MTV first aired "The Real World" in 1992, people have been obsessed with watching people's real life interactions from the comfort of their home. It started off sort of like people-watching, but subsequent shows like "Big Brother" and "Survivor" kicked it up a notch. Instead of just watching a bunch of young roommates figuring out how to live with people from different backgrounds in a new city, it became high intensity, curated living situations.

Basically, 1999 was the last year that reality television resembled a form reality. By the year 2000, unscripted TV became people-watching on steroids. By putting people on an island they can't escape while having to complete challenging tasks with strangers or in a house filled with cameras that they're not allowed to leave cranked up the drama.

Audiences lived for the alliances formed, the enemies made, the arguments, and in more recent years, the love triangles. It all makes for excellent television, but there's a pretty large caveat that seems to be overlooked—these are real people. There's a misconception that because someone is on television that they're overpaid, but the reality is, people that star on unscripted television shows aren't paid very well.

File:Real world go big or go home.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

In fact, most cast members have regular jobs or no job to return to. Many are lacking adequate insurance, if they have insurance at all. A lot of them go onto these shows in good faith, hoping to find love, win life-changing money or hoping to land a scripted gig to further their career aspirations. But there are things that go on behind the scenes of reality television that cast members aren't privy to until the contract is signed and cameras are rolling.

While audience members speculate if producers are creating scenarios to increase the drama, it's something that is very rarely confirmed. But even if you're a huge fan of that kind of TV, you're not typically hoping for some sort of mental harm to come to the cast members whether you like them or not. Yet, more than 20 reality TV stars have died by suicide since 2004 and it seems no one was really addressing the issue in an impactful way until UCAN Foundation came into existence.

Bb22 GIF by Big BrotherGiphy

UCAN stands for Unscripted Cast Advocacy Network and was founded by former "Love is Blind" cast member, Jeremy Hart. who has since been joined by fellow alum, Nick Thompson. The two work with Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Isabelle Morley to create a directory of qualified mental health therapists that have experience working with people in the entertainment industry.

"As a cast member of season 2 of Netflix’s 'Love is Blind,' I've experienced firsthand the abusive and exploitative environment perpetuated within unscripted production environments," Hart's UCAN bio reads. "I decided to start the UCAN Foundation to create a catalyst for change in an industry that historically has been immune to transparency and accountability in its practices."

Challenge Digging GIF by Survivor CBSGiphy

The goal is to connect reality television cast members with therapists that either accept the cast member's insurance or can provide services at a reduced rate. This isn't something just for cast members that are no longer on the show; they provide assistance before, during and after production. UCAN isn't just a mental health matching service, either; the nonprofit assists with contract review, helping cast members understand their rights and legal support if a dispute arises. The board of directors is also made up of former reality television cast members, so there's an empathetic ear at every turn.

Hart and Thompson teamed up with More Perfect Union for a short documentary about the realities unscripted TV cast members face. In a shocking revelation, the alleged mistreatment starts immediately.

Love Is Blind Television GIF by NETFLIXGiphy

"They are in control of every element of your life. You're put into a hotel room and you don't have a key. You don't have access to water unless you want to drink it out of the faucet or the shower. We're all just sitting there not being fed on a regular cadence but definitely being fed a lot of alcohol," Thompson shares with More Perfect Union.

Hart discloses an initial experience equally as concerning. "Not only did they take our phones, they took our wallets, they took our IDs, they took our passports, all in the same instance, without telling us ahead of time this was going to happen," he says. "You never see daylight unless you're allowed to use the bathroom, which is a trailer outside."

UCAN's website asserts, "While the content is enjoyable, you may not realize how much exploitation goes on behind the scenes. Many cast members are treated poorly, subject to inhumane working conditions, sophisticated psychological manipulation tactics and a threatening atmosphere—all for little to no pay. Cast members often leave shows mentally distraught with nowhere to turn."

Additional cast members have come out to talk about their time on different reality shows, which seems to be similar to the experiences of Hart and Thompson. With reality TV becoming a large part of Western culture, it's not likely to end anytime soon. But thanks to UCAN and their team of dedicated former cast members and therapists, no reality television star has to go through the process alone while the agency fights for conditions to improve.

Education

Why didn't people smile in old photographs? It wasn't just about the long exposure times.

People blame these serious expressions on how long they had to sit for a photo, but that's not the whole picture.

Public domain images

Photos from the 1800s were so serious.

If you've ever perused photographs from the 19th and early 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious everyone looked. If there's a hint of a smile at all, it's oh-so-slight, but more often than not, our ancestors looked like they were sitting for a sepia-toned mug shot or being held for ransom or something. Why didn't people smile in photographs? Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled? Were dour, sour expressions just the norm?

Most often, people's serious faces in old photographs are blamed on the long exposure time of early cameras, and that's true. Taking a photo was not an instant event like it is now; people had to sit still for many minutes in the 1800s to have their photo taken.

Ever try holding a smile for only one full minute? It's surprisingly difficult and very quickly becomes unnatural. A smile is a quick reaction, not a constant state of expression. Even people we think of as "smiley" aren't toting around full-toothed smiles for minutes on end. When you had to be still for several minutes to get your photo taken, there was just no way you were going to hold a smile for that long.

But there are other reasons besides long exposure times that people didn't smile in early photographs.

1800s photographsWhy so serious? Public domain

The non-smiling precedent had already been set by centuries of painted portraits

The long exposure times for early photos may have contributed to serious facial expressions, but so did the painted portraits that came before them. Look at all of the portraits of famous people throughout history prior to cameras. Sitting to be painted took hours, so smiling was out of the question. Other than the smallest of lip curls like the Mona Lisa, people didn't smile for painted portraits, so why would people suddenly think it normal to flash their pearly whites (which were not at all pearly white back then) for a photographed one? It simply wasn't how it was done.

A smirk? Sometimes. A full-on smile? Practically never.

"Mona Lisa" by Leonardo da Vinci, painted in 1503Public domain

Smiling usually indicated that you were a fool or a drunkard

Our perceptions of smiling have changed dramatically since the 1800s. In explaining why smiling was considered taboo in portraits and early photos, art historian Nicholas Jeeves wrote in Public Domain Review:

"Smiling also has a large number of discrete cultural and historical significances, few of them in line with our modern perceptions of it being a physical signal of warmth, enjoyment, or indeed of happiness. By the 17th century in Europe it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment […] Showing the teeth was for the upper classes a more-or-less formal breach of etiquette."

"Malle Babbe" by Frans Hals, sometime between 1640 and 1646Public domain

In other words, to the Western sensibility, smiling was seen as undignified. If a painter did put a smile on the subject of a portrait, it was a notable departure from the norm, a deliberate stylistic choice that conveyed something about the artist or the subject.

Even the artists who attempted it had less-than-ideal results. It turns out that smiling is such a lively, fleeting expression that the artistically static nature of painted portraits didn't lend itself well to showcasing it. Paintings that did have subjects smiling made them look weird or disturbing or drunk. Simply put, painting a genuine, natural smile didn't work well in portraits of old.

As a result, the perception that smiling was an indication of lewdness or impropriety stuck for quite a while, even after Kodak created snapshot cameras that didn't have the long exposure time problem. Even happy occasions had people nary a hint of joy in the photographs that documented them.

wedding party photoEven wedding party photos didn't appear to be joyful occasions.Wikimedia Commons

Then along came movies, which may have changed the whole picture

So how did we end up coming around to grinning ear to ear for photos? Interestingly enough, it may have been the advent of motion pictures that pushed us towards smiling being the norm.

Photos could have captured people's natural smiles earlier—we had the technology for taking instant photos—but culturally, smiling wasn't widely favored for photos until the 1920s. One theory about that timing is that the explosion of movies enabled us to see emotions of all kinds playing out on screen, documenting the fleeting expressions that portraits had failed to capture. Culturally, it became normalized to capture, display and see all kind of emotions on people's faces. As we got more used to that, photo portraits began portraying people in a range of expression rather than trying to create a neutral image of a person's face.

Changing our own perceptions of old photo portraits to view them as neutral rather than grumpy or serious can help us remember that people back then were not a bunch of sourpusses, but people who experienced as wide a range of emotion as we do, including joy and mirth. Unfortunately, we just rarely get to see them in that state before the 1920s.

Joy

London's black cab drivers keep a tradition alive for families of chronically sick kids

From free rides to Disneyland trips, these cabbies go the extra mile for families at Great Ormond Street Hospital.

Mic from Reading - Berkshire, United Kingdom

A representative image of one of London's famous black cabs

Great Ormond Street Hospital is more than just a hospital—it’s a beacon of hope for families from all over the UK and beyond who come seeking expert care for their critically ill children. According to a BBC report, London's black cab drivers have consistently demonstrated an extraordinary dedication to these families. One driver shared, “It’s not much, but if it helps them, that’s what matters.” The drivers are well aware that, to these parents, every gesture counts, especially when it lifts even a little of the weight they carry.


The Magical Taxi Tour: a journey of joy

Beyond the free rides to GOSH, London's black cab community also hosts the annual "Magical Taxi Tour"—a three-day event that takes children with severe illnesses to Disneyland Paris. Organized in partnership with GOSH and several sponsors, the tour began in 1994 and has since become a cherished tradition, celebrating its 30th anniversary this year. For over 200 children, this journey isn’t just a holiday; it’s a chance to escape hospital routines and immerse themselves in the joy of Disneyland, surrounded by family and caring drivers who volunteer to make the trip possible.

@clegggifford In partnership with the ‘Magical Taxi Tour’ we’re proud to do our small bit, providing insurance for this journey from Great Ormond Street to Disneyland Paris. 🚖 #GOSH #MagicalTaxiTour #LondonToParis #Charity #fundraising ♬ original sound - CleggGifford

In an article by The Telegraph, cab drivers expressed how the tour enriches their own lives as much as it does the children’s. They decorate their cabs with balloons and flags, honk and wave, and set off in a convoy filled with excitement. Each year, crowds gather to watch them depart, wishing them well as they make the journey. This annual event is an entire community effort, funded by donations and coordinated by volunteers committed to bringing happiness to the lives of these children.

Social media celebrates a city’s kindness

Social media has amplified awareness of these remarkable acts of kindness. A recent TikTok video capturing this year’s Magical Taxi Tour parade gained thousands of reactions, with viewers from around the world showing admiration. One Reddit user, Corporation_tshirt, remarked on the drivers’ dedication: “I also love the tradition London cabbies have of never charging families for trips to this one children’s hospital.” Another commenter, PepperPhoenix, shared the significance of the hospital’s work, adding, "Great Ormond Street. A hospital for the most critically ill children. They are on the bleeding edge of medical innovation, and desperately ill children from all over the world come there.”

"I also love the tradition London cabbies have of never charging families for trips to this one children’s hospital."

Corporation_tshirt

Another witness to the event, TheMilkfather, described seeing the Magical Taxi Tour return from France: “We saw them on the ferry from Calais to Dover. Just hundreds of taxis, and we Googled it at the time. It was so heartwarming to witness.”

"We saw them on the ferry from Calais to Dover. Just hundreds of taxis... It was so heartwarming to witness."

TheMilkfather

A tradition rooted in compassion and community

As the Magical Taxi Tour celebrated its 30th year, it’s clear this is a tradition built on more than just goodwill; it’s an expression of London’s communal spirit and the cabbies’ dedication to supporting children and families in need. Witnessing the convoy of cabs decorated with balloons, all heading to Disneyland, has become a symbol of the kindness that thrives in the city.

The Magical Taxi Tour is funded entirely through donations and volunteer support, allowing drivers to participate without charge to the families. For the cab drivers, it’s a meaningful way to connect with GOSH’s mission, and they look forward to the event each year, proud to support these children in a memorable way. Those inspired by the tour and the free rides to GOSH can also contribute to the cause, either by donating to Great Ormond Street Hospital or supporting initiatives like the Magical Taxi Tour.

As the next generation of London’s black cab drivers carry on this cherished tradition, they remind us that in a fast-paced world, kindness and compassion still have a powerful place. The drivers’ dedication to making a difference, whether through a simple ride or a trip of a lifetime to Disneyland, brings comfort, strength, and joy to those who need it most.

Family

Mom uses a brilliantly simple, one-word switch while teaching her daughter about makeup

Imagine if all daughters were taught to think of makeup this way.

@maggiekatz/TikTok

One simple change can make all the difference.

Makeup is an incredibly fun form of self-expression. At the same time, it’s deeply enmeshed with the problematic beauty standards that rob women of their self-worth. Many grown women have a rather complicated relationship with it, so it’s no wonder that they might have a hard time knowing exactly how to have a conversation about it with their own daughters.

But one mom has a pretty awesome solution for teaching her child about makeup in a healthy way, and it all comes down to a simple word switch.

In a video posted to her TikTok, Maggie Katz has a pretty adorable exchange with her daughter in front of the bathroom mirror as they put on makeup together.

As they do, Katz tells her daughter “You look so fancy.”

Note the word “pretty” is not mentioned here.

Katz continues, “And why do we do makeup? Because it’s fun and we get to look fancy. But are we pretty no matter what,” to which her daughter enthusiastically agrees.

And that’s it—that’s the entire video. But it’s so easy to see what a profound mindset shift this language tweak makes. Imagine if all of us had been taught to view makeup as something that merely adorns or elaborate on what’s already there, rather than fixing unlovable flaws.


@maggiekatz The words we hear growing up have an impact :heart: #makeup #momsoftiktok #raisingdaughters #fancy ♬ original sound - Maggie Katz


“I needed this as a kid,” one person shared. Another wrote, “This lady on here fixing all the little people inside of us.”

So many people chimed in to praise Katz’s idea, saying that they would be following her lead.

“THANK YOU!,” one person wrote. “I put on makeup occasionally for super special events and I’ve struggled with how to explain it besides saying it’s fun to be artistic sometimes. I’ll be using this.”

Another echoed, "I will be teaching my daughters this way now.”

Others shared how they too have incorporated different phrases like “glamorous” or “fun” rather than “pretty” when teaching their daughters about makeup—or just thinking about it for themselves.

And for what it’s worth, Katz believes in boys feeling fancy with makeup, too. In a comment she wrote, “I have a son too (he's a few years older) and it definitely works with him too. I've worked to remind him that we can all find beauty everywhere we look and that everyone is special in their own way.”

The conversation struck up by Katz’s video is just one way our collective mindset towards makeup has seemed to shift for the better. Yes, we hear tales of Sephora kids being prematurely fixated on anti-aging, but maybe that’s only one part of the picture. After all, we also see celebrities going more bare faced, as well as more people advocating to do away with overly photoshopped ads for beauty products.

Speaking of ads—it’s interesting to note that for years makeup was sold to women as something they needed in order to feel beautiful/worthy/acceptable/etc. But then Gen Z came into the scene, with their fun eyeliner shapes and crazy color combinations just for the hell of it, and now makeup has become more of an art form than a clutch. And makeup sales are more booming than ever. Companies take note: you don’t have to disempower people to push products. Just saying.

Whether you’re a bona fide glambot or prefer to save the eyeliner for special occasions, may this be a reminder to you (and any little ones you’re trying to uplift) that you’re perfect exactly as you are.