When a couple has their first child, they start out with the greatest of intentions and expectations. The child will only eat organic food. They will never watch TV or have screen time and will always stay clean.
But soon, reality sets in and if they have more kids, they’ll probably be raised with a lot less attention. As a result, first-born kids turn out a bit differently than their younger siblings.
“Rules are a bit more rigid, attention and validation is directed and somewhat excessive,” Niro Feliciano, LCSW, a psychotherapist and anxiety specialist, told Parents. “As a result, firstborns tend to be leaders, high achievers, people-pleasing, rule-following and conscientious, several of the qualities that tend to predict success.”
However, it’s not just laziness that makes parents change their M.O. As parents gain experience, they learn not to sweat the small stuff and to have a bit more faith in their children.
Tova Leigh is a writer and performer who creates funny sketches on TikTok about parenting and feminism. To point out the differences between new and veteran moms she made a series of funny sketches with fellow mom Riona O Connor.
In the first video, the two mothers deal with fighting children. The new mommy uses a sweet voice and quietly suggests, “Oh honey, no, no fighting, sweetie. Gentle hands” to the brawling kids. When that doesn’t work, the veteran mother screams, “We said stop fighting!”
The video must have hit a nerve with parents everywhere because it went viral, racking up more than 3 million views. “As a mum of 5… this is 100% accurate,” Lora Bora wrote in the comments. Kira agreed saying, “I got 4…. And I felt this in my soul.”
While the video was funny, it should also provide some comfort to young mothers who feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be perfect. As blogger Constance Hall points out, the need to be perfect can rob us of precious time with our kids.
“We are only half present for them all of the time due to the constant pressure to have everything perfect,” Hall wrote in a viral Facebook post. “To go to the gym, answer that email, pay that bill, cook that organic kale, blend it, get it into a patty so no one knows it’s kale, get to the doctors…. Make the kids lunches cos if you order them again you will be JUDGED!”
In the second video, the two mothers have very different approaches to making a puree.
Kids grow up fast and if you blink an eye, you just may miss it. So regardless if you’re a new mom or a veteran mom, take a page out of these mothers’ books, relax a bit and have fun being a parent. Your kids will probably forget your vegan kale puree, but they’ll always remember the time you spent just being present.
In a small village in Pwani, a district on Tanzania’s coast, a massive dance party is coming to a close. For the past two hours, locals have paraded through the village streets, singing and beating ngombe drums; now, in a large clearing, a woman named Sheilla motions for everyone to sit facing a large projector screen. A film premiere is about to begin.
It’s an unusual way to kick off a film about gender bias, inequality, early marriage, and other barriers that prevent girls from accessing education in Tanzania. But in Pwani and beyond, local organizations supported by Malala Fund and funded by Pura are finding creative, culturally relevant ways like this one to capture people’s interest.
The film ends and Sheilla, the Communications and Partnership Lead for Media for Development and Advocacy (MEDEA), stands in front of the crowd once again, asking the audience to reflect: What did you think about the film? How did it relate to your own experience? What can we learn?
Sheilla explains that, once the community sees the film, “It brings out conversations within themselves, reflective conversations.” The resonance and immediate action create a ripple effect of change.
MEDEA Screening Audience in Tanzania. Captured by James Roh for Pura
Across Tanzania, gender-based violence often forces adolescent girls out of the classroom. This and other barriers — including child marriage, poverty, conflict, and discrimination — prevent girls from completing their education around the world.
Sheilla and her team are using film and radio programs to address the challenges girls face in their communities. MEDEA’s ultimate goal is to affirm education as a fundamental right for everyone, and to ensure that every member of a community understands how girls’ education contributes to a stronger whole and how to be an ally for their sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends, nieces, and girlfriends.
Sheilla’s story is one of many that inspired Heart on Fire, a new fragrance from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection that blends the warm, earthy spices of Tanzania with a playful, joyful twist. Here’s how Pura is using scent as a tool to connect the world and inspire action.
A partnership focused on local impact, on a global mission
Pura, a fragrance company that recognizes education as both freedom and a human right, has partnered with Malala Fund since 2022. In order to defend every girl’s right to access and complete 12 years of education, Malala Fund partners with local organizations in countries where the educational barriers are the greatest. They invest in locally-led solutions because they know that those who are closest to the problems are best equipped to solve and build durable solutions, like MEDEA, which works with communities to challenge discrimination against girls and change beliefs about their education.
But local initiatives can thrive and scale more powerfully with global support, which is why Pura is using their own superpower, the power of scent, to connect people around the world with the women and girls in these local communities.
The Pura x Malala Fund Collection incorporates ingredients naturally found in Tanzania, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Brazil: countries where Malala Fund operates to address systemic education barriers. Eight percent of net revenue from the Pura x Malala Fund Collection will be donated to Malala Fund directly, but beyond financial support, the Collection is also a love letter to each unique community, blending notes like lemon, jasmine, cedarwood, and clove to transport people, ignite their senses, and help them draw inspiration and hope from the global movement for girls’ education. Through scent, people can connect to the courage, joy, and tenacity of girls and local leaders, all while uniting in a shared commitment to education: the belief that supporting girls’ rights in one community benefits all of us, everywhere.
You’ve already met Sheilla. Now see how Naiara and Mama Habiba are building unique solutions to ensure every girl can learn freely and dare to dream.
Naiara Leite is reimagining what’s possible in Brazil
Julia with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
In Brazil, where pear trees and coconut plantations cover the Northeastern Coast, girls like ten-year-old Julia experience a different kind of educational barrier than girls in Tanzania. Too often, racial discrimination contributes to high dropout rates among Black, quilombola and Indigenous girls in the country.
“In the logic of Brazilian society, Black people don’t need to study,” says Naiara Leite, Executive Coordinator of Odara, a women-led organization and Malala Fund partner. Bahia, the state where Odara is based, was once one of the largest slave-receiving territories in the Americas, and because of that history, deeply-ingrained, anti-Black prejudice is still widespread. “Our role and the image constructed around us is one of manual labor,” Naiara says.
But education can change that. In 2020, with assistance from a Malala Fund grant, Odara launched its first initiative for improving school completion rates among Black, quilombola, and Indigenous girls: “Ayomidê Odara”. The young girls mentored under the program, including Julia, are known as the Ayomidês. And like the Pura x Malala Fund Collection’s Brazil: Breath of Courage scent, the Ayomidês are fierce, determined, and bursting with energy.
Ayomidês with Odara in Brazil. Captured by Luisa Dorr for Pura
Ayomidês take part in weekly educational sessions where they explore subjects like education and ethnic-racial relations. The girls are encouraged to find their own voices by producing Instagram lives, social media videos, and by participating in public panels. Already, the Ayomidês are rewriting the narrative on what’s possible for Afro-Brazilian girls to achieve. One of the earliest Ayomidês, a young woman named Debora, is now a communications intern. Another former Ayomidê, Francine, works at UNICEF, helping train the next generation of adolescent leaders. And Julia has already set her sights on becoming a math teacher or a model.
“These are generations of Black women who did not have access to a school,” Naiara says. “These are generations of Black women robbed daily of their dreams. And we’re telling them that they could be the generation in their family to write a new story.”
Mama Habiba is reframing the conversation in Nigeria
Centre for Girls' Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
In Mama Habiba’s home country of Nigeria, the scents of starfruit, ylang ylang and pineapple, all incorporated into the Pura x Malala Collection’s “Nigeria: Hope for Tomorrow,” can be found throughout the vibrant markets. Like these native scents, Mama Habiba says that the Nigerian girls are also bright and passionate, but too often they are forced to leave school long before their potential fully blooms.
“Some of these schools are very far, and there is an issue of quality, too,” Mama Habiba says. “Most parents find out when their children are in school, the girls are not learning. So why allow them to continue?”
When girls drop out of secondary school, marriage is often the alternative. In Nigeria, one in three girls is married before the age of 18. When this happens, girls are unable to fulfill their potential, and their families and communities lose out on the social, health and economic benefits.
Completing secondary school delays marriage, and according to UNESCO, educated girls become women who raise healthier children, lift their families out of poverty and contribute to more peaceful, resilient communities.
Centre for Girls’ Education, Nigeria. Captured by James Roh for Pura
To encourage young girls to stay in school, the Centre for Girls’ Education, a nonprofit in Nigeria founded by Mama Habiba and supported by Malala Fund and Pura, has pioneered an initiative that’s similar to the Ayomidê workshops in Brazil: safe spaces. Here, girls meet regularly to learn literacy, numeracy, and other issues like reproductive health. These safe spaces also provide an opportunity for the girls to role-play and learn to advocate for themselves, develop their self-image, and practice conversations with others about their values, education being one of them. In safe spaces, Mama Habiba says, girls start to understand “who she is, and that she is a girl who has value. She has the right to negotiate with her parents on what she really feels or wants.”
“When girls are educated, they can unlock so many opportunities,” Mama Habiba says. “It will help the economy of the country. It will boost so many opportunities for the country. If they are given the opportunity, I think the sky is not the limit. It is the starting point for every girl.”
From parades, film screenings to safe spaces and educational programs, girls and local leaders are working hard to strengthen the quality, safety and accessibility of education and overcome systemic challenges. They are encouraging courageous behavior and reminding us all that education is freedom.
Experience the Pura x Malala Fund Collection here, and connect with the stories of real girls leading change across the globe.
It’s a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones. It’s why people assume if you have family nearby that you’re “so lucky,” and that you’re overrun with free babysitting offers. Ha! If only.
The bad news comes down to one phrase: “When are you bringing them over?” Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.
Now they’re sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.
Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents
A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to “bring the kids to them.”
“My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them,” she writes. They constantly ask, “Why don’t you bring our granddaughter to come see us?”
The post struck a nerve with parents, who chimed in with hundreds of passionate comments. The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.
Grandparents’ houses are rarely childproofed
Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can’t get enough. In fact, they like to dedicate massive pieces of furniture only to housing their fine china, which they never use, but which is also extremely valuable and sentimental.
And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they’ve earned the right!) that doesn’t make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.
Blue and white porcelain vases on a shelf. Phot credit: Canva
“Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture,” the Reddit mom writes.
Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down
Let’s be honest. Sometimes these “visits” are hardly worth the effort. After all, it’s hard to get much catch up time when you’re dutifully chasing your kid around.
“They don’t understand that my 3 yo … is absolutely wild,” writes another user in the thread. “She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then … they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit.”
A visit at the grandparents’ house is often not a fun catch-up time for mom and dad. It’s rare to get to sit down and have an adult conversation when they’re busy trying to play Safety Police. It’s common to leave one of these visits frustrating and like it wasn’t really a visit at all.
Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems
Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.
It seems easy to “pop over” but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath. In the case of the OP mom and her parents that are “just” 30 minutes away, that’s an entire hour of just driving, not counting any visiting time. If anyone’s ever driven with young kids, you know that’s an eternity! For a drive like that, you need snacks, you need entertainment. You may have to clean up spills, deal with traffic tantrums, or pull over to break up a fight. It’s really a lot of work.
Naps and routines go to hell
Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.
Chances are, the baby won’t nap in a strange environment and then you’re stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night. You can and will try, bringing your little pack-and-play and your best intentions, but the process will be draining and probably unsuccessful.
And then guess what? You’re totally screwed when you go home later, yay!
Kids with special needs require even more consistency
Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors. This adds even more stress to parents and makes the visits even less fun and satisfying in the end.
Explaining and mediating the generational divide
A man holds his granddaughter. Photo credit: Canva
Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?
Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?
Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.
“Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect,” says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.
But that’s not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!
Plus, it’s easy to forget that it’s hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.
“But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids’ moods and routines,” Slavens says.
“So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face.”
Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?
“First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young,” suggests Slavens.
“Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan.”
Ultimately, it’s a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids. We all have the same goal. Just look at how incredible it can be when everything goes right:
“It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are … willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren.”
Enjoyable, low-stress quality time is something everyone can get behind.
This article was originally posted two years ago. It has been updated.
Some believe responding “What?” when your name is called is rude. Parents are often fond of responding to a child saying “what” with a good old-fashioned “Don’t ‘what’ me.” Others aren’t too bothered by it and think a more polite response is a bit too formal.
Angelica Daniell, 38, currently stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina, says teaching her children to respond to their names with “Yes?” has brought more peace to her home. She was raised in a “What?” family, and changing the rule in her home has made a big difference.
Are you in a “what” family or a “yes” family?
“When you guys were growing up, and your parents would call you, and they’d say your name, would you say, ‘What?’ Because I grew up like, ‘what?’ You know?” she began her TikTok video.
“Ever since my kids could talk, my husband taught our kids to say ‘yes.’ So if we call Ray, he’d say, ‘Yes.’ And then he needs to come—like, yes, I hear you, but I’m coming. You don’t stay in that place and talk to you from downstairs, and you’re upstairs,” she said. “I don’t know, I just thought that’s such a special and precious thing. And I love when I call my kids, and they say, ‘Yes?’ and they come to me. I can’t tell you what that does for me.”
The big problem people have with using “what” as a response to a family member calling their name is that it makes them sound annoyed. It’s like they mean to ask, “What are you bugging me about?” or “What do you want?” By contrast, saying “yes” signals that you’re welcoming the request or favor and are ready to help.
Not everyone agrees. “I definitely grew up as a ‘what’ type of family. I still don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not sure why people find it disrespectful,” one person said in the comments.
“My mom always said, ‘Don’t what me,’” another added.
“Even hearing ‘what’ even from other adults.. feels disrespectful,” said another.
The discussion also pointed to a bigger issue. “Genuine question for adults currently in/raised in a ‘what’ household… do y’all answer ‘what’ at work when someone calls you!?” a commenter asked.
Daniell believes that when children are polite in the home, it follows them throughout their lives. “Our home is the dress rehearsal, and the world is the stage,” she told Newsweek. “If our kids say ‘yes’ to us, our hope is they will also say it to their teachers, friends [and] coaches.”
Napoleon Hill, author of the mega-bestseller Think and Grow Rich, believed that it’s important for parents to be polite to their children as well.
“Politeness to others is usually born out of respect for the individual, which you learn as a child,” Hill wrote. “When you are treated with respect by other members of the family, you learn to respect them as well. The self-esteem that results from being recognized as a unique person by the people who matter most to you helps you develop the confidence necessary to succeed later in life. Politeness and consideration for others are habits that—once developed—usually stay with you for a lifetime.”
When people debate whether it’s better to live in a “what” or a “yes” family, it’s important to recognize that manners start at home. Even though the “what” folks may think the “yes” folks are being too formal, the habits formed at home will help define a child’s life in the real world. Finding manners in school or the office is a lot harder when you never had them at home.
In fact, he doesn’t just talk about it. Videos of him demonstrating how he uses an automatic foam sprayer, brushes, wash mitts, microfiber drying towels, and more have inspired thousands of people to follow in his footsteps. That says a lot. This is bathroom cleaning, after all.
In Part 1, Sebastian explains that once a month, he deep-cleans the bathroom, starting with dusting and vacuuming. First, he removes everything from the space. Then he uses a Swiffer duster and an industrial air scrubber to suck up all the dust he displaces (not a standard bathroom-cleaning tool, for sure). After dusting, he vacuums. Thoroughly.
Then comes the fun part: the automatic foam sprayer.
Sebastian mixes Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap, isopropyl alcohol (to disinfect), and water in the foam sprayer. Then he hoses down the entire shower, tub, toilet, sinks, and countertop with the foamy mixture, which is oh-so satisfying.
Then he starts scrubbing with car wash brushes. Also so satisfying.
Are you wondering how on Earth he’s possibly going to rinse all of that off? Fear not. He has a system.
That system includes a spray bottle (with a design that puts all others to shame) and a squeegee. Spraying the foam with water keeps it from drying out and makes it easy to squeegee away. Then he goes in with a big, honking car wash mitt to remove the rest.
The mitt might be the best part, though Sebastian gets particularly excited about the microfiber towel that comes next.
“The best towel ever made,” he says. “It is a microfiber towel made by The Rag Company for the automotive detailing industry. And it is quite literally the most absorbent towel I’ve ever used in my entire life.”
And he’s still not done. He cleans the remaining surfaces (window sills, tops of lights, top of the door frame, etc.) with castile soap. Then he goes in with sodium percarbonate (an eco-friendly oxygen bleach powder) to clean the sink bowls, toilet, tub, and grout.
Then he rinses it all off with his superabsorbent microfiber towel, and voilà! A sparkly clean bathroom.
People in the comments expressed how impressed and inspired they were by Sebastian’s cleaning regimen:
“Wow. People’s minds are going to be blown. I did not see the squeegee or the puffy glove coming. 👏👏❤️❤️”
“This inspired me to do a much-needed scrub of my own shower last night at 10:30pm, and for that I thank you.”
“It has never occurred to me to clean a bathroom like this but honestly it looks very thorough!!”
“This is SUCHHHHHHH a brilliant and effective way to clean a bathroom! My dad worked at a car wash for years and years and I feel like he would have loved this.”
“Ok, I know the products aren’t sponsored but they should be. I am ready to BUY. This is a masterclass in adulting.”
The number of older drivers in the United States continues to grow. According to data reported by NPR from the Federal Highway Administration, the number of drivers ages 65 and older increased by 88% from 2003 to 2023.
As Americans live longer than previous generations, many continue to drive, leading to an increase in car accidents and related deaths. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that in 2022, about 9,100 older adults were killed in traffic crashes, and more than 270,000 were treated in emergency departments for crash-related injuries.
Many states place restrictions on older drivers once they reach a certain age or require additional testing to maintain a driver’s license. But it often falls to adult children to decide whether their parents can continue driving.
Deciding to take car keys away
According to a 2026 survey from Pew Research Center, 10% of adults in the U.S. report being caregivers for a parent age 65 or older. As their parents age, many adult children find themselves responsible for making tough decisions about their driving abilities.
It’s a delicate situation that many American families struggle to navigate.
A 2013 survey from Liberty Mutual found that 55% of adult children with older parents were concerned about their parents’ ability to drive safely. The same survey found that only 23% brought up the issue, while 29% chose not to have the conversation at all.
People share how they took car keys away
On Reddit, people with aging parents sharedreal-life stories of how they took car keys away from their loved ones to help others facing the same challenge. Here are seven examples of how they did it:
“We asked his doctor to officially declare him as unfit to drive so he heard it from someone else. This was reported to the DMV and his license was revoked. Then we took all the keys to our house and hid them there. Shortly after, we sold the car.” – Illustrious-Shirt569
“When my mom ended up with Alzheimer’s and she got to the point that she was no longer safe on the road, my husband and I removed the distributor cap on the car. We told her that her car was inoperable and that we would get it to the shop ‘soon’. Then we managed to sneak her keys out whilst someone else distracted her. Anytime she asked about the car, we just told her we made an appointment with the repair shop for ‘next week’. Shortly after we took the car away, her cognitive abilities declined sharply. We ended up having to put her in a memory care facility. It was the best thing for everyone because trained people could watch her 24/7.” – suzanious
“My 84 year old mom’s license came up for renewal this year and in our state eye exams are required past 80. She was stressing about having to go do that, where and when. So I said ‘Well I guess you’re not required to renew it. You could retire from driving with a perfect record’ which is true, she was always a safe driver. She liked that idea a lot and admitted I was driving her everywhere anyway. Very relieved it won’t be a battle later on.” – Laura1615
“My Mom turned 80 and the DMV wanted her to take a written test and an eye exam. I gave her the online practice tests and told her to do her best. When we got there for her appointment, she looked at the clerk and said I don’t want to drive, I just need an ID. The clerk happily processed the ID request and told mom that if she didn’t like the picture, she could come back anytime and take another one.” – Jettcat-
“We lived in a small town and we asked the police to come to the house and talk and take them away. Especially if you have a doctors note. Or even two notes.” – Reckless_Fever
“My father still has a license and is still insured. I mulled over taking the key for 6 months before doing so. First I got an insurance app that tracked his trips and locations. Then I bought a dash cam. Finally, I took my dad’s keys. Now I don’t let him drive unless I am present. This way he doesn’t go out unless necessary and if he gets tired I can take over. He hasn’t given up asking for the key, but I pushback by saying ‘I am the key, bring me with you.’ We have a schedule now when we go to the store together, so he doesn’t really have a reason to go by himself. He prefers to let me drive now.” – daydream-interpreter
“My mother’s car stopped working while she was in rehab after breaking her hip. The car was on its last legs anyway. I went to the shop and told them they needed to take the car away, examine it and determine that it couldn’t be fixed. The lady agreed. It was not the first time she had heard this. I signed over the title and they took it for junk value. Had it been worth anything I would probably have had them sell it, or donate it. My mother, who had insisted it could be fixed, took their word for it and that was the end of it. Later on, when she asked to borrow my car, I told her I could drive her anywhere, but if she wanted to drive she would have to get herself into the car herself. As she couldn’t walk by then, that was the end of that.” -FranceBrun
Debates about homework are nothing new, but the ability of parents to find support for homework woes from thousands of other parents is a fairly recent phenomenon. A mom named Cassi Nelson shared a post about her first grader’s homework and it quickly went viral. Nelson shared that her son had come home from his second day of school with four pages of homework, which she showed him tearfully working on at their kitchen counter.
“He already doesn’t get home from school until 4 pm,” she wrote. “Then he had to sit still for another hour plus to complete more work. I had to clear out the kitchen so he could focus. His little legs kept bouncing up and down, he was bursting with so much energy just wanting to go play. Then he broke my heart when he looked up at me with his big teary doe eyes and asked…. ‘Mommy when you were little did you get distracted a lot too?!’ Yes sweet baby, mommy sure did too! I don’t know how ppl expect little children to sit at school all day long and then ALSO come home to sit and do MORE work too….”
Nelson tells Upworthy that she felt “shocked” that kindergarteners and first graders have homework, much less the amount expected of them. “We didn’t have homework like this when we were in these younger grades.”
With that as a guide, a first grader shouldn’t have more than 10 minutes of homework on any given school day, but it’s not unusual for young kids to have two or three times the recommended limit of homework. That can be stressful for both kids and parents, cutting into valuable family time and limiting kids’ time to decompress, play and freely engage in imaginative activity.
Kids working on their homework. Photo credit: Canva
As Nelson concluded, “It’s breaking their spirit and it robs them of what little fun and family time they have when they come home after a long day of school.”
Most parents and even most teachers in the comments agreed with her that four pages of homework is too much for a first grader, especially on only the second day of school:
“Poor little man. Children below a certain grade should not be given homework! Small children have a hard time sitting still for a long period of time yet alone expected to sit and do hours of homework, for what??? They are SMALL CHILDREN! Let them snack, play, laugh and all the other fun things when they get home. You are only a child once, they don’t need that taken away from them. Let them embrace their inner creativity, imagination, recipes, etc.”
“This breaks my spirit. Our schools are huge scams. You’re exactly right Cassi. Homework is ridiculous. Kids til the age of 10 primarily learn through real life situations and play scenarios.”
“I hate that for him! My little one has ADHD and doing homework after sitting in class all day is very stressful to him and makes him hate school. They are in school for 7 hours they shouldn’t have homework. That definitely takes away any kind of family time and that’s why kids never spend time with parents anymore because they have all this homework to do after being gone all day. I feel that if it can’t be done in the 7 hours they have the kids then it should wait until the next school day.”
“I don’t make them do homework at home when they are that little. It’s not fair!They are at school allllll day! And it’s already sooooo much for their little bodies and brains! I’ve never had a teacher upset about it either.. and even if I did oh well!”
“That breaks my heart. 4 pages is absolutely ridiculous for young kids. My daughter is going into 2nd grade next month, the 2 years in school it was always 1 page of homework sometimes back and front if it was math. And to read.”
“I don’t send homework home with my students , 8 hours a day is enough for little minds to be going . They need and deserve a break,” a teacher wrote. “As a second grade teacher, I don’t believe in sending homework home. I do send a reading log home and ask that they complete an hour of reading for the entire month, but I understand they are just kids and need to be kids!” another added.
“I was in this boat with my son…conversation with the principal and teachers helped dramatically!! It’s too much and we have to advocate for them.”
The response to her post, which Facebook users shared over 90,000 times, blew Nelson away. “I NEVER thought me sharing my thoughts openly about how my heart hurt watching my little guy struggle would connect to so many others worldwide going through the same thing,” she says.
Many parents shared that excessive homework led them to the decision to homeschool their children, which Nelson took to heart. The week after sharing her viral homework post, she shared that they had had their first day of homeschooling. It was “A HUGE SUCCESS!!!!” she wrote, with her son getting far more work done in a far shorter amount of time, sitting for classes for just 1 hour and 45 minutes total.
Nelson tells Upworthy she felt totally intimidated to try homeschooling. “I seriously thought there was no way,” she says. “But I knew I had to set my fear aside and just take the leap for my kids. I told myself I’d figure it out one way or another. And here we are three days in and it’s been the easiest and best choice I’ve ever made.”
Homeschooling is not the right solution for every family, however, so the question of homework remains an important issue for kids, parents, teachers, and schools to work out.
Psychologists say one of the best ways to get a child to open up is not to ask direct questions, which may put them on their heels, but to play a game with them.
“Research demonstrates that parent and child brains ‘sync up’ during play and that they literally become ‘on the same wavelength’ as they play,” Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, writes at Psychology Today. “This makes it much easier for the child to feel comfortable expressing their feelings.”
Research shows that play brings young children and parents together. Alyson, a mom who works in sports marketing, says it’s a total game-changer—and “the secret”—to getting her angsty 14-year-old daughter to share what’s really happening in her life.
“I revived a fun way to defuse the teen-angst vibe and connect to our girls,” Alyson writes in a TikTok post. “Used it when my kids were little simply to entertain and now use it to joke her out of the teen-funk we all know and love.”
Teen Girl Mamas: I revived a fun way to defuse the teen-angst-vibe and connect to our girls. Used it when my kids were little simply to entertain and now use it to joke her out of the teen-funk we all know and love. Here’s to raising the vibe and trying to keep the peace! #mom#teenmom#parenting#parentinghack#connection#playing#fyp#girlmom#silly#family
Mom says playing with her teenage daughter helps her open up
Alyson realized the power of play when her daughter had a total meltdown over not having anything to wear on Christmas Eve. So, she took on the role of a high-end fashion shopkeeper.
“I brought her into my closet, and I did this whole big, ‘Oh, are you shopping with us today? Please, let me get you a treat,’” she says. “And I gave her a chocolate, and I gave her a beautiful flute of apple cider or something. And I was like, ‘Let me show you some pieces. I have a few pieces to show you today.’ And her attitude went from ‘I hate my life, I don’t like what I’m wearing’ to, like, ‘Oh, this is kind of fun.’”
The same technique worked when Alyson pretended to take her daughter to a fancy spa.
“I will go upstairs now, and I will blow out her hair, and she will spill the tea, just like you do in the salon,” she says. “So while she’s snacking and noshing and feeling like she’s being pampered and taken care of, we can have an interaction that’s kinder, softer, gentler than our typical, like, ‘Oh my God, you’re so annoying. Why do you keep asking me these questions?’ kind of situation.”
Commenters loved Alyson’s method for getting her daughter to talk
“These are the things that when she gets older, she will look back and think, my mom didn’t just love me, she also liked me,” a commenter writes.
“I think they still like to ‘play’ and nobody realizes it, it just has to fit their age! This makes so much sense,” another adds. “When I was her age, I had much younger siblings, and as a teenager, I loved getting to still do ‘kid stuff’ with them! So this is kind of connecting the dots for me.”
Teenagers want to be close to their parents, but they’re also at a stage where they need to find independence, which can put them in a real bind. In her video, Alyson shows that with a little extra effort and cleverness, parents can break down barriers and make a meaningful connection with their teens.
In the Internet age, our relationship with ads has gotten a little…well, weird. Traditional television commercials still exist, of course, but it feels like their quality has been circling the drain for a while. (Looking at you, Super Bowl LX.) Truly clever or emotionally moving ads feel rarer and rarer.
And yet, here we are, witnessing people cry real tears over an advertising idea. Not an actual advertisement, mind you—just a verbaldescription of a hypotheticalcommercial. It starts with a mom named Kelsey Pomeroy stepping on a piece of Pirate’s Booty at Target and ends with thousands of people needing a moment to collect themselves.
From the get-go, Pomeroy could barely keep it together as she shared the Pirate’s Booty ad idea that hit her while she was shopping.
“I have the best ad idea for Pirate’s Booty,” she said, wiping her eyes, “’cause I just lived it.”
She explained that she was shopping by herself at Target while her kids were in school when she heard a crunch. “I looked down and I’d stepped on a piece of Pirate’s Booty,” she said. “And I immediately get emotional because every mom knows what that means.”
(If you’re not a mom or don’t know what that means, a dropped piece of booty likely means a mom had been giving her little one Pirate’s Booty to keep them occupied while she shopped.)
Props to the Pirate's Booty guys for never futzing with the branding. Lesser companies would have had several modernizations. But you stick to something that long? You've earned it. It's like new companies asking designers for a Nike Swoosh. That's not how it works brutha. pic.twitter.com/uSiQTzoScC
“So here’s the ad,” Pomeroy continued. “A mom is shopping in a store, and she steps on a piece of Pirate’s Booty that’s been dropped. And immediately, she’s kind of emotional, and she has these flashbacks of pushing her little toddler or younger preschooler in the cart at the store, entertaining them and trying to distract them with the Pirate’s Booty to just bargain for one more aisle. It flashes back to the present and the screen widens a little bit, and you can see that she’s with the older version of her kid. He’s in some sort of sports gear, right? And he’s like, ‘Hey Mom, we needed to get some snacks for the game,’ and she goes over and she picks up a box of Pirate’s Booty, and she puts it in the cart.”
“On the way out of the store with her older son,” Pomeroy continued, “she passes the mom who’s got the toddler and the Pirate’s Booty in the cart. And they just kind of lock eyes with each other. And it says something like, ‘Pirate’s Booty: with you for every version of them’ or something.”
Then she lost it again, saying, “I just can’t.”
Yeah, nobody can, apparently. The comments are filled with people’s lip-quivers and full-on tears:
“Did not expect to cry about @piratesbooty today but it was worth it 😭 I see my son in that sports gear! Can’t wait to watch the actual ad one day 👏”
“Before watching: why is she crying over a hypothetical ad for a pirates booty?? After watching: WE BOTH CRYING OVER THIS HYPOTHETICAL AD NOW😭😭😭😭😭😭”
“Sobbing thinking of how my 3 year old won’t call it ‘booty pirates’ forever 🥲🥲🥲”
“Husband- ‘why are you crying’ ‘Someone on the internet had an idea about pirates booty.’ 😭😭”
“I’m too pregnant to hear this 🥲.”
“Hi. Don’t have children and I’m crying. 😭”
“I’m crying. I’m in the teenager stage and toddler stage of parenting. It hits hard.”
“So we’re all collectively crying about pirates booty now, right?”
The years of shopping with a little one are challenging but fleeting. Photo credit: Canva
Even the Pirate’s Booty account responded, “I think I got some sand in my eyes 🥲.”
People are clamoring for Pirate’s Booty to make the ad a reality and pay Pomeroy for her clearly effective idea. Target thought it was a great idea, too.
What hits home about this ad concept is that it’s so very real. Pirate’s Booty is beloved by kids of all ages. Moms are well aware of this. So it’s perfectly natural to tie the product to the emotional experience of watching your kids grow. Tapping into a flashback or time-jump moment that moms experience is a powerful and brilliant way of showcasing the product. It doesn’t feel forced. We’d all know it’s an ad, but people appreciate ads that reflect our lived reality.
For moms, feeling wistful about time going too fast with our kids is real. The fact that Pirate’s Booty spans all ages is real. (My kids are young adults and still love it.) Everything Pomeroy described feels real. And now the brand has people begging them to make this ad. How often does that happen?
Do the right thing, Pirate’s Booty. Bring this heart-tugging ad to life—the idea quite literally fell at your feet like a dropped snack.
It’s one of the all-time classic “girl dad” problems: you’re out with your young daughter and she needs to “go potty.” Do you take her into the men’s room or the women’s room?
Most guys would go to the men’s room without a second thought. But one dad has people wondering if there might be a better way.
Alex Vigilante coaches high-achieving men to “live a more aligned life, be more present, [and be] more whole.” He also shares content about fatherhood and his own life as a dad.
Question goes viral
Recently, Vigilante posed a question to fellow girl dads on Instagram: “When you’re out in public and your daughter has to go to the bathroom, which restroom do you take her to if there’s not a gender-neutral restroom?”
He took his viewers by surprise with his answer: “Today, I took her into the women’s restroom. … I think that is the better route than taking her to the male restroom.”
In the caption to his post, Vigilante outlined his reasoning. One point in particular was especially thought-provoking.
“I would rather feel awkward or uncomfortable than having my daughter feel uncomfortable,” he wrote, adding that he didn’t feel it was appropriate to have his young daughter around grown men using the facilities. Vigilante also noted that he prefers to go in when no women are inside and will openly announce himself so as not to startle anyone.
The now-viral Reel drew more than six million views, and needless to say, a passionate discussion ensued.
First came the dads who vehemently disagreed and said they would never set foot inside a women’s restroom, even with a toddler girl in tow.
“Men’s restroom, respectfully. Handicap stall. Clorox wipes and Lysol travel size spray in hand. The potential for a misunderstanding isn’t one I’m willing to entertain.”
“Imagine two or three dads in the women’s restroom…no bro, just use the dudes’ and go in the stall with her if she’s a little one, if she’s older, find a better solution. Don’t go in the girls restroom.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around me or my daughter, & it’s not fair for an innocent adult female to walk into me in her safe place.”
Then moms and women at large began to chime in. Their collective response was surprising and heartwarming.
Though not a monolith, of course, a majority of women who responded to Vigilante’s video were strongly in favor of dads bringing their daughters into the women’s room. Many recalled being young and feeling intimidated by the presence of grown men in the men’s room, even with their fathers there.
“Please use the women’s restroom we really don’t mind. We were once little girls who needed protected too.”
“As a woman I support dads bringing their daughters to the woman’s room.”
“Absolutely! I have been in places before and if I see a man bringing his daughter towards the restroom I always offer to announce it in the bathroom and I stand at the entry door and keep everyone informed that comes in until they are finished. It takes a village!”
“I’d rather feel a little uncomfortable and know a child is safe in the women’s restroom than have a little girl in the men’s room where there’s urinals and what not.”
Honest discussion changed the minds of at least a few dads
Several admitted they always “hated” bringing their daughters into the men’s room but didn’t see another way. After the warm response from moms, they were inspired to give it a try.
“I’ve literally never considered this. Dude, thank you for bringing up. My first reaction was that I would never want to make other women afraid or uncomfortable if I was in there with my baby girl. And then I read the comments. WOW. Women are incredible. Sad that we have to even worry about this, but grateful to know my daughter has other women who freely have her back without even knowing her.”
However, the opposing view is also valid, making this a complex issue. It could even become a legal one. While it’s not generally considered illegal for a man to enter a women’s restroom, the situation can become murky if someone feels threatened and raises a complaint.
For his part, Vigilante said he’s never had an issue taking his daughter to the women’s room, but would happily leave if he made anyone uncomfortable.
A better solution?
It seems there should be a better solution by now, and fortunately, there has been incremental progress in this area.
For starters, more men’s rooms have changing tables than in years past. This not only allows dads with babies to avoid going into the women’s room to change them, but also helps rebalance the distribution of childcare labor, which has historically been skewed toward moms.
There’s also a push to “ditch the gap” in public restroom stalls, offering greater privacy for all.
There’s even been a steep rise in the availability of family or gender-neutral bathrooms in public spaces, which helps everyone. In some places, they’re required by law.
There are other solutions as well. For girls old enough to go in alone, many dads choose to stand outside the bathroom, sometimes with the door propped open so they can hear what’s going on and talk to their daughter for comfort.
In the end, it’s an individual choice that requires dads to be mindful of others, as well as their daughter’s comfort level.
“My daughter’s safety comes first…so I feel empowered to keep doing this,” Vigilante wrote in the comments. “I respect the opinion of parent who think otherwise, as they just want their kids to be safe as well.”
