Father and daughter dances are a traditional staple of weddings. They tend to range somewhere between tearfully sweet and hilariously cringey. But sometimes, as was the case of Brittany Revell and her dad Kelly, they can be so freakin’ cool that millions of people become captivated.
Brittany and Kelly’s video, which amassed, I kid you not, more than 40 million views on TikTok, shows the pair grooving in sneakers (Brittany’s were white because, hello, wedding dress) to their “dance through the decades.”
It all began with Young MC’s “Bust a Move,” to give you a clear picture. And bust a move, they did.
Though the duo did a handful of iconic moves—the tootsie roll, the MC Hammer dance, the Carlton, just to name a few—“the dougie,” made famous by Cali Swag District, was the obvious fan favorite.
Brittany is clearly no stranger to busting a move and showed off her skills, but Kelly had the audience (and the internet) absolutely floored. He not only nailed every move, but kept a constant grin from ear to ear.
“Reason number 1838329194920 why I love my dad,” Brittany wrote in her caption.
People in the comments were quick to profess love for Kelly as well. Here are some gems:
“WHO IS THIS LEGEND!”
“I aspire to this level of smooth.”
“Pops got moves!!?”
“He really is the main character ??”
Others shared praise to both dancers for delivering an unforgettable performance.
“I would absolutely lose my mind if I saw this at a wedding,” wrote one person.
“This is probably THE best TikTok I’ve ever seen. You and your dad are legit rockstars!! Congratulations!!” added another.
Brittany told The Morning Show on Channel 7 that she and Kelly have been learning dances together “for fun in the living room” since she was little. “He has always had some rhythm, but I did not know he could pick up the moves like that,” she quipped. Hey, there’s always something new to learn about dear old dad.
Brittany also shared in an interview with NBC News that people were responding to more than just impressive choreography—it touched them on a heartfelt level.
“I think it’s kind of unique to see a dad of Asian descent be able to open up, let loose and just embrace their American child’s music and culture,” she said, adding that several people who didn’t have relationships with their fathers commended how “inspiring” it was to see the fun Brittany and Kelly created, encouraging them to “be better with their future kids.”
Weddings are a celebration of love, and that can extend beyond the bride and groom. This father expressed his love on the dance floor, and it’s giving us all something to smile about.
Odds are Brittany and her dad are gonna keep posting even more amazing dance videos. You can keep up to date by following Brittany on TikTok here.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
Kids say a lot of hilarious things. It starts when they’re little and are just learning how to talk and string sentences together, and the unintentional comedy continues all the way into the overdramatic and angsty teen years.
As parents, we often wish we could remember these little nuggets of gold forever. Now, a new trend is turning teens’ most emotional and unhinged words into unforgettable earworms.
One mom turns texts into unbelievably catchy pop-punk song
Mandi Mansour, a hairstylist from San Diego, recently posted a Reel on Instagram of herself rocking out in the car while singing along to a song of her own creation.
The lyrics? Her own teenager’s frantic and melodramatic text messages.
It’s amazing to watch how messages like “Can I get Canes or Taco Bell? I know you said no, but I’m starving,” and “Can I have ten bucks? … Can I have seven dollars?” become such a catchy and convincing song. Of course, old early-2000s emo is the only musical style perfectly suited to capture the frantic angst, and the final product is honestly a banger. (The vocal run during “seven dollars” is absolutely priceless.)
A great detail from the video is how Mansour is driving and singing the lyrics without even looking at the screen. She’s clearly listened to her personalized song on repeat dozens of times and can’t seem to get enough of it.
Video is part of a trend making clever use of an AI music app
Mansour’s video isn’t the only one like it, not even close. These “emo songs” have become a huge viral trend over the last couple of weeks, with parents using the AI music app Suno (and similar ones) to turn these “lyrics” into full-blown songs, usually in the pop-punk genre.
It’s hard to say exactly where the trend originated, but Marcus Leshock, a reporter for WGN-TV, was one of the early prominent participants. Hundreds of thousands of parents followed suit shortly after.
Trend has parents asking: “Do we have the same kid?”
No matter how many clips you watch, all texts from the teenagers seem to fall into two buckets: wanting food and asking for money.
The series is an amazing glimpse inside the mind of the modern American Gen Z or Gen Alpha kid. It’s all Starbucks, açaí bowls, Raising Cane’s chicken—all fast food, really—e-bikes, and, of course, the classic requests for cash.
This is one of the first times we have such thoroughly documented evidence of how teens and preteens really think. About 85% of 11- to 13-year-olds have a cell phone capable of texting, with many getting their first phone under the age of 10.
Simply put, we’re in the frontier days of kids being able to text directly with their parents at all times. And the results are definitely something these moms and dads will want to remember when their kids are grown and self-sufficient.
Thanks to these infectious and unforgettable choruses, they most certainly will.
Turning texts into emo songs is really the best kind of AI trend. It draws humor from real-life experiences that connect all of us (well, all of us with moody teens), and uses a little assist from the technology to make it memorable and fun.
No one’s trying to top the Billboard charts here, but the commonalities between the songs really go to show that none of us are in it alone. Raising a teenager is tough, exhausting work—but it’s bringing parents all over social media a lot of comfort to know the challenges they’re dealing with are extremely common.
And those big feelings and dramatic outbursts just so happen to be perfect fodder for the type of songs many of us grew up loving.
Flying can test anyone’s patience, but Reddit user Safe_Ad_9314 may take the cake for having all their buttons pushed. They shared how a recent flight turned into a surprising lesson in setting boundaries, explaining that they had reserved a window seat, which was an intentional choice aimed at making their journey just a bit more enjoyable. But as soon as they settled in, a family boarded and a conflict began brewing.
After several attempts to calm her, the father turned to u/Safe_Ad_9314 and asked if they’d give up their seat for the child, adding, “She’s just a kid.” The OP gently stood their ground, explaining that the window seat was not a random perk, but something they had deliberately arranged, and even paid extra for.
Outbursts from children on airplanes can be extremely disruptive, sometimes even causing flights to be delayed.
The tantrum that sparked the conversation
The family’s six-year-old daughter quickly grew upset that she didn’t have the coveted window view. Her frustration was clear:
“I want the window! I want the window!” — the child
Eventually, the mother distracted the child with a tablet, and the flight continued. When everyone deboarded at their destination, the mother shot a lingering remark at u/Safe_Ad_9314:
“Some people just have no heart.” — the mother
That stung. It’s never easy to feel judged, especially when you’ve tried to be polite. Unsure if they’d done the right thing, u/Safe_Ad_9314 turned to the trusty Reddit subforum r/AITAH for feedback, asking, “AITA for not giving up my window seat on a plane to a kid just because she threw a tantrum?”
The response was overwhelmingly supportive, reframing the encounter into a conversation about how we teach children empathy, respect, and understanding of life’s little disappointments.
Boundaries matter – especially in public
Do we cave at the first sign of a tantrum, or do we help kids learn that not every wish can be granted? The community weighed in:
“You teach your kids how society works and that not everything is at their disposal all the time.” — u/hierosx
People pointed out that giving in to every demand might soothe tears in the moment, but can set unrealistic expectations for the future. If having a window seat was so important, some said, parents could plan ahead and book one. After all, this wasn’t about denying a child joy, but about showing them how to handle disappointment gracefully.
Why tantrums don’t work
Many commenters stood behind the idea that it’s kinder in the long run to help children learn healthy boundaries:
“I learned when my kids were toddlers that the best policy was ‘we do not negotiate with tantrumists.’” — u/BeBearAwareOK
At the core, many commenters reminded readers that random strangers aren’t responsible for resolving someone else’s poor planning or appeasing a meltdown:
“It’s not your responsibility to accommodate someone else’s poor planning or their child’s tantrum.” — u/experiment_ad_4
Others emphasized that saying “no” isn’t heartless—sometimes it’s a necessary act of kindness to the child, who learns that people have their own boundaries and can’t always bend.
“I am a mum of three. Kids get explained that they can’t have that seat as it’s already occupied, end of it.” — u/Sure_Freedom3
Instead of feeling guilty, u/Safe_Ad_9314 received a gentle reminder that upholding personal boundaries is part of living in a shared world. When we calmly stand our ground, we help create an environment where everyone learns that respect and empathy go both ways—even at 30,000 feet.
In the end, that’s what makes these moments matter. When we model healthy limits, we’re not just keeping a seat—we’re showing kids that there’s a bigger picture out there, one where kindness and fairness guide us all.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
At 21 weeks pregnant with twins, Leah McBride got news that no expectant mother wants to hear. Her daughters had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, a condition where blood flow between twins becomes dangerously imbalanced. One baby becomes the donor, passing nutrients to the other, while the other receives everything. The size difference between her girls had already reached 48 percent.
Doctors advised her to terminate the smaller twin, Poppy, to give her other daughter, Winnie, a better chance. They were worried Poppy would have a heart attack from giving away so many nutrients, and that Winnie might have a stroke.
Leah refused to choose.
Doctors were concerned about the smaller twin
She sought a second opinion at Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston, where doctors recommended surgery to correct the blood flow imbalance. It worked. But at 27 weeks, her water broke, and the situation became urgent again. Doctors used steroids to try to delay delivery, knowing that earlier was riskier. “We needed to buy as much time as possible because 28 weeks was still too early to deliver them safely,” Leah said.
At 31 weeks, Poppy’s heart rate began dropping and wouldn’t stabilize. Doctors had no choice but to deliver both girls. Poppy and Winnie were born on May 24, 2019.
The twist that surprised everyone
What happened next surprised everyone. Poppy, the smaller twin at 1lb 11oz and the one whose monitor had been sounding alarms, was born perfectly healthy. Nothing was wrong with her heart.
It was Winnie who was in trouble. She weighed 3lb 8oz but had underdeveloped lungs and was rushed to the intensive care unit. At 14 days old, she needed brain surgery to relieve a buildup of fluid. She came through it.
A lifesaver of a sibling
Leah said the doctors told her plainly: “I think your tiny twin saved her sister’s life.” Poppy’s heart rate had been fluctuating on the monitors, triggering the early delivery. But there was nothing wrong with Poppy. The medical team’s belief is that she was sending distress signals because Winnie wouldn’t have survived much longer in the womb.
“Poppy’s heart rate had been all over the place, so they had to deliver,” Leah told reporters, “but when she was born, she was completely fine.”
The girls, now 6, are thriving. Winnie was reading books from memory by age 3. Poppy is still smaller than her twin, but according to Leah, she still keeps a close eye on her sister. When Leah tried to move their beds apart, they weren’t having it.
A lot of thought goes into choosing a baby’s name. Will other kids have the same name when they start kindergarten? Is the name too dull? Is the name too original? Will the name lead to bullying? Will the name look good on a job application? Could you run for president with this name?
Popular TikToker Emily Windham, 23, from Birmingham, Alabama, is adding another question that parents should ask themselves: What will their initials be? Windham has gone viral for her video in which she reveals how disheartening it is when she has to write her initials, especially when they appear multiple times on a document. To put it simply, they are pretty yucky.
“When you’re deciding what to name your kids, look at what their initials are going to be,” she says at the beginning of her video. “Every time I have to initial a document, I have to write ‘EW.’ All these little initial lines just say EW EW EW EW.” The situation is frustrating for Emily because her parents considered naming her Alexia, which would have been AW, which is sweet. “That’s so cute,” she said.
The post inspired other people with unfortunate initials to comment; some of them are much harder to live with than EW.
“Yea… mine is XL,” Xitlali wrote.
“Mine is ‘BLT’ because it was my dad’s favorite sandwich. Mom didn’t notice until it was too late I don’t even like blts,” Bryony Tally Art wrote.
“Mine is ‘PP’ elementary and middle school was a blast,” Pais wrote.
“I knew a girl in school whose name was Amy, and her initials were also AMY, and I’ll never forget because that’s so baller,” Charlie wrote.
“My son’s initials are BRB,” Ashleigh wrote.
“My initials are EGG,” El-Glory wrote.
“My initials spell EMO and I think that’s awesome,” Elle wrote.
“Mine is OG… now I’m getting married and it’ll be OJ. Can’t decide if I like an original gangster or Orange Juice more,” Olivia wrote.
“Mine is ME, and when I sign out on duties at work, someone goes, ‘Can someone please stop signing ME and sign your initials?’ I’m like, those are my initials,” a TikToker named Madison wrote.
Emily’s story is similar to that of Samantha Hart, a woman who went viral on TikTok in 2023 because her name doesn’t exactly work well with modern email conventions. Clearly, her parents hadn’t thought that her name would cause any trouble in the late ’90s when email was a new thing. So, she made a video warning parents to think of their children’s future email addresses before selecting a name.
“My name is Samantha Hart,” the 27-year-old said. “Most companies use the email designation of first initial, last name, meaning my email would be shart.” A shart is an accidental release when one assumes they only have gas, which is not exactly how one wants to be known in professional circles. Imagine sending an email to someone at another company and their name comes up as SHart. YOu might even think that someone is pranking you.
“At every single workplace, I have received an email from HR the week before I start letting me know that my name does not exactly fit the company email structure as they would intend and [asked] would I mind if they gave me a different structure for my email,” Hart said. That’s kind of the HR people to help Samantha save a bit of face when starting a new job, so the thing she’s most known for, before meeting anyone, is her questionable email address.
Sadly, Hart will probably have to deal with this whenever she gets a new job. Hopefully, she enjoys doing long stretches with her employers.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
For a while, the homeowner couldn’t figure out what was happening. His five-gallon gas can kept coming up nearly empty, even though his lawnmower had a one-quart tank. The math didn’t add up.
He had a suspicion about the neighbor but no proof. So before security cameras were cheap and ubiquitous, he did something resourceful: he set up an old laptop with a webcam pointed at his backyard and configured it with motion detection software. Within days he had his answer. The neighbor walked into his yard and took the gas — literally five minutes after the homeowner left the house. He had it on video.
He didn’t confront him. He had a different idea.
Revenge comes in many different forms
For the following week, every time he needed to use the bathroom, he used the gas can instead. He then placed the now full, convincingly odored container back on the patio. He made a visible show of preparing for a trip — packing bags, checking his car — somewhere the neighbor could see him. Then he left for about an hour.
When he came back, the neighbor was in his front yard in full crisis mode, furiously yanking the cord on his lawnmower, which would not start. Shortly after, the neighbor tried to drive somewhere and broke down within a few blocks. The gas can on the patio was empty.
The story could have ended there — satisfying enough on its own. But it didn’t.
This neighbor dispute was not over yet
The neighbor, apparently unaware of how badly he’d misread this particular relationship, later asked the homeowner to drop off a ride-along application he’d filled out with his personal details. Around the same time, the homeowner happened to remember a conversation with a friend at the sheriff’s department, who’d mentioned offhandedly that ride-along applicants get checked for outstanding warrants.
The homeowner submitted the application. Authorities found the warrants. The neighbor was arrested.
The full story was posted to Reddit’s r/ProRevenge by u/MarchCompetitive6235 in January 2026 and quickly accumulated a large and enthusiastic audience. The subreddit, true to its name, has a high bar for this kind of thing — readers expect the revenge to be proportional, well-executed, and complete. This one cleared all three.
It’s worth noting that using someone’s personal information to submit an application without their knowledge occupies legally murky territory depending on the state, and this approach isn’t something to replicate casually. But in this case the neighbor had outstanding warrants, which means the only thing the homeowner really did was provide law enforcement with information they were entitled to act on anyway.
Have kids, they said. It’ll be great, they said. Well, one dad may have a bone to pick with those mysterious “they,” in that colloquial saying. A man running the Instagram account Havea_676, posted a video that has parents on the internet not only laughing at his tender moment turned embarrassing, but also sharing their own savage kid moments.
The dad was having a sweet moment with his daughter, asking her about her day and what she was excited about for the next day, before tucking her into bed. Things appeared to be going well, and his daughter, who is off camera, can be heard answering all of the questions. But at some point during the father-daughter moment, the little girl was over the many questions the man was asking.
A little girl reading to her dad. Photo credit: Canva
“Daddy, can you please stop with your questions? I’m trying to sleep, and also your breath stinks,” the little girl reveals.
Yikes. Dad didn’t have much to say after that bombshell. He simply readjusts so his mouth isn’t pointing in her direction and says, “goodnight, I love you.” There went that sweet moment being caught on video, but after uploading the unexpected roast session, the dad was joined by fellow parents, commiserating. So what seemed like a sad parenting fail, was actually a great bonding moment for parents.
“Kids are brutally honest with no filter. I was helping my daughter button her shirt one morning, and I asked her if she brushed her teeth. She said yes… then there was an awkward pause before she frowned and said ‘did you? Cuz it don’t smell like it’ Needless to say I don’t help the lil heffa get dressed for school anymore lol,” one mom says.
“Kids know how to cut deep with one slice!! Haha,” someone else writes.
“I came home yesterday and asked my daughter if she missed me…She said NO with her whole chest,” another commenter reveals.
“That was so honest for her to say that, and I love the way dad handled the situation. Their bond will live forever,” a commenter wrote. “Well at least you know she’ll be honest at school…she sounds like an amazing little girl,” another added.
Kids are just brutally honest until they get a bit older to realize there are gentler ways to deliver news. Hopefully, unless they skip that stage and become some rather challenging adults to deal with. But if this dad learned one thing from his lengthy conversation, it’s to brush your teeth before goodnight chats so you don’t melt your kid’s face off.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Families with small children are usually among the first to board a plane, the logic being that it allows time to install any necessary kiddie seats, place strollers or other kid-centric luggage in the overhead bin, and get settled before takeoff.
However, one mom and former airline worker argues that doing things the opposite way would allow for smoother travel for all.
Laura, an ex-British flight attendant currently living in Florida and raising a family, recently shared on TikTok, “Okay don’t come for me but I think families with babies should board LAST.”
Okay don’t come for me but I think families with babies should board LAST. I know. I KNOW. And yes I used to be a flight attendant. I have seen things. I have opinions. This is one of them. Every time we pre-board Oliver we spend an extra 25 minutes strapped into seats going absolutely nowhere while every other human slowly files past us making faces at him like he’s a zoo exhibit. He’s fine for the first 10 minutes. Then he’s done. DONE. And we still haven’t even pushed back from the gate. I spent years watching families board first and slowly unravel before we even closed the door. Board last. Sit down. Take off immediately. Baby never knows the difference. Trust the ex-flight attendant on this one. The pre-board privilege is a trap. I handed it out for years and I’m only now admitting that. You’re welcome. Or I’m sorry. Depending on how strongly you feel about this. #flyingwithababy#travelingwithababy#babytravel#exflightattendant#flightattendantlife
First recalling her own experience as a traveler, Laura noted that every time she brought her young son, Oliver, they would pre-board, as many parents do. However, getting on the plane early just meant that Oliver had an extra hour of being cooped up.
“We’d spend an extra 25 minutes strapped into seats going absolutely nowhere while every other human slowly files past us making faces at him like he’s a zoo exhibit,” she wrote in the caption.
Naturally, Oliver would become restless
Two kids looking out an airplane window while mom watches. Photo credit: Canva
“He’s fine for the first 10 minutes. Then he’s done. DONE. And we still haven’t even pushed back from the gate,” she wrote.
Laura then drew upon her professional experience of witnessing other families going through similar struggles: “I spent years watching families board first and slowly unravel before we even closed the door.”
Both of these factors left her with only one conclusion: “Board last. Sit down. Take off immediately. Baby never knows the difference.”
“Trust the ex‑flight attendant on this one,” she concluded. “The pre‑board privilege is a trap. I handed it out for years and I’m only now admitting that. You’re welcome. Or I’m sorry. Depending on how strongly you feel about this.”
Of course, reactions to this stance were mixed
Some commenters agreed that it would be less anxiety-inducing for parents concerned with “holding people up,” while others worried about keeping families seated together or potentially losing storage space if they boarded last.
And then came the inevitable question: Why not seat the back row first?
Online, you’ll find a slew of explanations, from “it makes the plane tail-heavy” to “back-to-front boarding is actually slower.” However, Japanese airlines like Japan Airlines (JAL) commonly use a back-to-front boarding process, often starting with rear seats, window seats, or specific boarding groups. This method is sometimes combined with window-to-aisle boarding in the name of efficiency.
So while we may never come upon a universally beneficial boarding order, there are at least a few things parents can do to make the process easier.
For example, if both parents are traveling together, they can adopt a “divide and conquer” approach, with one parent boarding early to manage bags and seats while the other lets the kids walk around, expend any extra energy they might have, and minimize sitting time. Bringing a “surprise bag” of snacks and small, new toys reserved only for plane rides can also offer some soothing distractions.
A father entertaining his son on a flight with animal puppets. Photo credit: Canva
And as any parent will tell you, often no matter what strategy you try to implement, sometimes you still gotta adapt to what’s needed in the moment.
Parents today share responsibilities more equally than in past generations, but studies show childcare still falls disproportionately on women’s shoulders. Some families choose one parent to take on the lion’s share of child-rearing and/or domestic duties, and if that works, great. Other couples work similar hours and have to figure out how to equally split home duties, but however the household is structured, mothers most often tend to be the “default parent” and household manager.
That means it’s mostly moms who are constantly thinking about managing the million little details of parenting. The big things like feeding, bathing, transporting, teaching life lessons, and such are fairly easy to share equitably. But the invisible work: keeping track of routine doctor and dentist appointments, communicating with teachers and caregivers, keeping extended family updated, figuring out what clothes to keep and get rid of as kids outgrow them, keeping the family calendar up-to-date, and more. That’s all part of the “mental load” of parenting that moms tend to carry, often without their partners even being aware they’re doing it.
That’s why one dad’s confession after getting a taste of solo parenting has gotten a huge reaction. Cedric Thompson, Jr., a former NFL player and dad of three daughters, shared a video explaining that he didn’t really understand the mental load his wife was carrying until she went to visit family in the Philippines for eight days, leaving him home alone with the kids.
“I’ve been a single dad for 8 days because my wife is in the Philippines and I had no idea it was this tough,” he said with a sleeping child cradled in his arms. He explained that he was prepared for the cleaning, the transporting kids back and forth, the unexpected sickness, the feeding, and the sleeping. “But one thing I was not prepared for was the mental load,” he said. “I had no idea it felt like this. To think about things that need to be done that haven’t been done or things that I need to plan to do is so draining that I don’t even have the energy to take care of myself at all.”
This is why dads need to step into moms’ shoes once in a while
“And now that I understand this, I have so much empathy for my wife,” he said, “and I truly understand what she means by this ‘mental load’ and how draining it is. This has really opened my eyes and made me ask myself, what more can I be doing? What has been going on that I haven’t been seeing and it’s right in front of me? How can I step up the way that my wife needs me to instead of doing things that I think are helping?”
“I know I can’t always take the mental load away, but I can definitely make it lighter.”
There’s a significant difference between assisting and managing, and when you’re the sole parent for a while, you’re forced to take on the management role. Eight days isn’t very long, but it’s enough to get a taste of being the one who has to think about all the things all day. It’s a lot. As Thompson wrote in the caption, “The endless planning, remembering, and organizing is exhausting in ways I never understood before. The most profound lessons come when we walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a little while.”
Some people asked what he’s been doing this whole time when his wife is home, but it seems some of those folks might be missing the point. This is an involved dad and husband, not a slouch. But even those who want to and try to share the load equally don’t always know how to help with the mental load of the default parent because it’s mostly internal. And trying to explain it and figuring out how to ask for help with some of it just adds more work, not to mention we don’t even always know ourselves what we need help with. Stepping into the shoes of the default parent is really the best way to get a feel for what might be helpful without adding more to their plate.
The “mental load” is invisible, so it’s nice to have it seen and validated
Some commenters weighed in with thoughts and tips for lightening the mental load:
“How do men not understand their wife’s workload and bandwidth while literally sleeping next to her and living in the same house? Does she really have to leave the country for him to understand her contributions? Men have to do better.”Pro tip: when your wife asks you what she should make for dinner, she’s trying to share the mental load with you. So just give her a straightforward answer.”
“I love this…it’s called validation, empathy, and love Thank you for sharing this. The realization and verbalization of it makes the load lighter. Sometimes mental heaviness is worse than the physical.”
“Really appreciate this post and how you explained yourself. The ‘mental load’ is that never-ending list running through our minds every single minute of the day. It’s the constant inner monologue of everything that needs to get done, the overwhelming pressure of how to get it all done, and the invisible timeline that gives you anxiety when you don’t meet it—even though you set those standards yourself.
It’s the feeling of failing if you don’t check every box. Walking into a room and forgetting why you’re there, only to lose your mind later when you finally remember—but now you’ve got ten other tasks at hand. It’s the frustration when you realize that everything you just cleaned is already dirty again.
Sometimes, it’s not even about what men do or don’t do; it’s the weight of our own thoughts that get to us. But when someone helps lighten that load, even just a little, it means everything.”
“I love this. But to answer your question, the way you take the mental load away is you pretend you have to do it alone even when she comes back. Because that’s the reason she has mental load. Because she feels like she has to do most of it alone, even if you’re always there to “help”. That’s why I hate the word help. It implies that this is all her job. You’re doing well but keep digging deeper I do appreciate this post.”
What exactly does the parental “mental load” entail? Here’s a partial list.
And yes, there is a need to go deeper. As one commenter pointed out, “You are operating the day to day under a structure she put in place,” so a lot of the mental work was already done before she even left. And parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, so getting familiar with a specific list of “mental load” items that non-default parents might not think about can be helpful. Someone offered this helpful—if utterly daunting—list of some of those items:
“Planning teacher gifts for the holidays and the end of school. – getting that parent’s contact info for that play date. – researching, budgeting, and scheduling summer activities and when to sign up for them the January/Feb prior. – finding that in network pediatric ophthalmologist for an eye appt. Research that new dentist, schedule your kids vaccines, review the medical records, schedule that well child visit. – researching, scheduling, and budgeting the school and extracurricular schedule in the summer for the fall and in October for the winter/spring. – making time to be the family historian (researching, budgeting, and scheduling a family photographer 2 times a year, researching how to pick/buy outfits for the whole family, selecting and printing any prints, creating and ordering a photo book, organizing photo files, and physically organizing keepsake storage).
Teaching your kids about their heritage with activities. Research your family tree. – be the memory maker and plan fun activities for the family. Book those theater tickets, schedule that museum trip, plan that day trip to hike that waterfall, plan that vacation, schedule 3 farm trips a year, prep for activities leading up to the holidays. – 4 times a year audit your household belongings. What do you need to sell? What do you need to donate? What remaining needs a better storage system? Research the products that will help you stay organized and buy them. follow home organizers on social media. – Check your kids shoes. How are they fitting? Research and order/consign new clothing. – trim your kids nails once a week and cut their hair as needed (or schedule their hair appt). – plan your kids birthday party 2 months in advance, research activities, food, party favors, and decor ideas. create the invites and send them out 5 weeks in advance. 2 weeks in advance order the cupcakes, decor, party outfit, and gift wrapping.
Check in with guests food allergies, rsvps, and buy the gifts. 1 week in advance wrap the gifts, assemble the party favors, and take some cute photos of the birthday kid in their special outfit. Pack a bin of supplies you’ll need for the day of the party (scissors, wire and cutters, tape, paper goods, trash bags, matches, etc). – buy those tickets to your kids concert. – keep that first aid kit stocked up. – keep up weekly with school/teacher correspondence and volunteer at your kids school. – back to school shopping. – holiday planning.
Buy Halloween costumes at the end of September, plan a pumpkin farm day trip. Schedule any Halloween parties. The weekend before carve pumpkins. Take pictures day of. Buy nutcracker tix in October/ November, plan gifts, budget, and order. Research decor ideas, get desired supplies, and make them in Nov. meal plan and coordinate with family for thanksgiving. Set up decor and buy gifts, Christmas outfits, and wrapping supplies Black Friday. Wrap gifts, take kids out separately to pick out presents for their siblings. Research and schedule holiday outings as a family. Take pictures. Design, order, and send cards. Meal plan. Coordinate with the relatives.
Buy valentines cards for your kids class at the end of Jan. – talk to your kids about safety and abuse prevention 2-6 times a year in addition to “as needed”. – read the latest parenting books, listen to parenting podcasts, follow parenting accounts on social media. – plan kids craft projects. – take your kids to the library and keep up with the borrowed books. rsvp, order, and wrap a birthday gift for all the kid birthday parties. Write a nice note in a card about the child. – write thank you notes after birthdays, end of school, end of activities, after the holidays, and as needed.”
There you go. Not even an exhaustive list, but a solid start. Thanks to Ced for the reminder that the more we start putting ourselves in other people’s shoes as parents and partners, the better off the whole family will be.
