Beauty product influencer Gabi Day shared a personal problem she was going through as a parent and daughter on TikTok, and resonated with many fellow Millennials. Her mother, who watches her 18-month-old twins, expresses her love for her family through demonstrative anxiety.
Day believes that this personality trait made her an anxious person, and she doesn’t want it passed on to her children.
“Does anyone else have a Boomer mom whose primary love language is anxiety-at-you?” she asked her followers. She added that her mother was always “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, when her kids are playing and aren’t in any danger, her mother is still on edge. “She’s immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said.
“Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It’s just a lot,” she continued.
To further complicate things, Day’s mother believes this constant expression of anxiety is her love language and shows she cares. She can’t understand why it causes such problems within her family.
“The flip side of this is she sees me actively trying to be the calm in the room, model emotional regulation, breathe through things being regulated and she looks at me confused. As if me not anxiety-at-ing my children somehow means that I don’t care about them enough,” she revealed.
The post resonated with a lot of people in the comments.
“My mom thinks that her anxiety is proof of her love. The more she wrings her hands, the more she loves you,” Lori wrote. “I think the commonly accepted stereotype of a loving mom is the worrywort. Women don’t recognize it as a problem,” Claire added.
