5 ways everyday citizens can start holding police departments accountable

This article first appeared on ProPublica. You can read it here. The death of George Floyd at the hands of police in Minneapolis has drawn historic levels of interest in police misconduct and drawn condemnation from law enforcement leaders nationwide. As a reporter covering law enforcement for the Asbury Park Press in New Jersey, and…

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Photo credit: assets.rebelmouse.io Array

This article first appeared on ProPublica. You can read it here.

The death of George Floyd at the hands of police in Minneapolis has drawn historic levels of interest in police misconduct and drawn condemnation from law enforcement leaders nationwide.

As a reporter covering law enforcement for the Asbury Park Press in New Jersey, and now in partnership with ProPublica’s Local Reporting Network, I use investigative reporting techniques to strengthen police accountability. Other journalists do the same. But, in truth, any citizen can apply the same methods to ensure the law enforcement system they’re funding is serving them well.

Police culture can be insular and tough to penetrate. But I’ve been surprised by how often it’s possible, though time consuming, to expose important issues by requesting and examining records and data from police departments and other government agencies and engaging citizens and key leaders. So here are five techniques concerned citizens, journalists and policymakers can use to examine police conduct in their communities.


1. Understand the policies and laws that govern police conduct.

If you’re alarmed by what you saw in Minneapolis, or other recent incidents of apparent police misconduct, the first step is to find out if the agency in question has a written policy on the use of force. Does the policy dictate when officers should or shouldn’t use force? What tactics are they allowed to use? Is there any rule against choking a suspect?

It’s important to know if the officers involved were following the policies and procedures that are supposed to guide their behavior. Police actions that strike an onlooker as inappropriate may actually be within a department’s rules. It’s possible the rules themselves are inconsistent with best practices elsewhere.

Ask the department for its policies on the practices that concern you, like restraining suspects or the use of pepper spray or Tasers. You may also need to request rules set by a county or state authority. Ask for written copies. You may be required to file a formal public records request, which I will describe below. And if there is no existing written policy, that might be something worth questioning itself.

If you’re having trouble understanding a policy, try running it by an attorney, academic, elected official or a journalist in your community.

How I did it: I did a deep dive into policies about drug testing after a police captain was killed in a car crash in 2016, and I exposed that he was drunk and on drugs at the time. I spoke to his chief and learned their department didn’t have a policy for random drug testing. I wondered why that was the case and looked to the state attorney general’s office, which sets many police rules. The rules allowed departments to choose whether they wanted to do random testing, and my reporting identified more than 100 that did not. After our story, the state attorney general mandated random drug testing for cops across the state.

2. You are entitled to public records that can show whether rules are being followed. Get them.

Your tax dollars pay for just about everything a police department does, which includes generating tons of reports, dispatch logs, video recordings and data about what officers do every day. Any citizen is entitled to see those public records to understand how the government works.

The agency may say the public records law does not allow you to have access to some documents — information about confidential informants and medical records, for example. The laws that dictate what’s considered public vary by state, so check out the national guide by the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press. Information the agency considers off limits may also be redacted, and it may take time to get a response.

Even with the hassles and limitations, public records laws are empowering and I’ve been surprised by how much I can obtain. My policy is always to ask and make a records clerk explain why I can’t have taxpayer-funded records. Follow up to ensure important requests aren’t lost or ignored. Assume you should be able to see everything. Your state’s public records law may even include a presumption that records are open and exemptions are an exception. You may run into roadblocks that you can’t overcome on your own. In some cases, journalism organizations have had to sue to obtain public records. Your budget may not allow for an attorney, but some states have mediators that you can go to if you think your request is being wrongly denied.

It’s striking how much information the government collects but then does not review. So you might be the first person to ask for a particular body of records and put them together to identify an important trend which you can share with leaders who weren’t paying attention to the issue. Your local journalists may also be very interested in the information you have gathered.

Sometimes it’s hard to even know which records exist. That’s where documents commonly known as records retention schedules come in handy. Government agencies use these to track which records they keep and how long they hold onto them. Use the schedules to help you see what you might be able to obtain. These are available all over the country. Just for fun, I looked up the city of Los Angeles — they call them records disposition schedules and found them for agencies ranging from the Police Department to the zoo. The agency of interest to you might use a different name for the document, so call them and ask if they have a written guide that shows which records they maintain and for how long.

How I did it: I started investigating police car chases after I saw the government keeps summaries of those incidents, including how many people are arrested or injured. I saw I could add up those figures and see if the benefits of the chases outweighed the risks and harm. I discovered that chases in recent years usually didn’t end with an arrest, and that lots of people get hurt, including cops and bystanders.

If you’re interested in scrutinizing the type of misconduct we saw in Minneapolis, you could request use of force reports. New Jersey made those public a few years ago, and Newark Star-Ledger journalists used them to great effect. ProPublica has that data available here for a fee.

If I were investigating a case of violence by the police I’d ask for:

  • The use of force reports filed by the officers involved.
  • Related incident reports.
  • Computer-assisted dispatch reports.
  • 911 phone call recordings.
  • Body-worn and vehicle-mounted camera recordings.

I might also request policies that dictate how an agency handles complaints against officers. Some states consider substantiated complaints against individual officers to be public records, so you could request them, depending on where you live. WNYC has a helpful breakdown of where that information is public. If you’re looking for video from police body cameras, the Reporters Committee has a guide that shows the places where those are considered public. If you want to obtain recordings of 911 calls, they have a guide for those, too.

You could also be more general and ask the relevant department for substantiated internal affairs complaints alleging excessive force in the past year or so, if those are public in your state. Departments might keep summary data on internal affairs complaints, so ask for the most recent copy of that, too.

3. Identify the power players and engage them.

Engaging law enforcement leaders is essential to understanding policing, and their involvement is key to fixing problems. My access and experience as a white man who works for a news organization may be different than someone else’s experience. It also depends on who you talk to and their openness to criticism. But I think we stand the best chance of a good outcome if we deal with each other respectfully.

Many policing issues are handled at the local, county or state level. Part of your work will involve figuring out who is responsible for the issue you’re concerned about.

“All policing is local,” former Milwaukee police Chief Edward A. Flynn told me. Like many cities, Milwaukee is also experiencing unrest and criticism of the police. Flynn, a well-known law enforcement leader, encouraged conversations between citizens and cops, possibly aided by a neutral third party like a local faith leader.

“The key to changing policing is on the ground level,” he said. He added that it helps for citizens to praise the good work they see from their officers. He encouraged the public to consider crime statistics when scrutinizing police tactics.

I have found that the police themselves are often open to talking to me about the problems in their profession. Many I have talked to feel bad when things go wrong.

How I did it: I’ve been amazed at who is willing to talk to me when I simply take the time to ask. As part of my investigation into police car chases, I talked to a former cop who lost her police officer husband when his vehicle was struck during a high-speed pursuit. I was touched by the way she took hours from her busy life to tell me some of her most painful memories and share her insights as a former cop.

I took my findings to the attorney general, the state’s largest police union and to lawmakers who vowed action. “It appears to me there’s a lot more harm done than good right now,” one of them said about the high-speed incidents.

“If the community has an issue either positive or negative with their law enforcement, then they should definitely have a conversation with the mayor, council and police chief,” said New Jersey Assemblyman Gordon Johnson, a former cop who has participated in community discussion about police issues.

Contact information for law enforcement leaders is often available online. They may regularly attend meetings that are open to the public.

4. Presenting findings in a fair and persuasive manner is a powerful way to spur reform.

Show police leaders the problem that concerns you, using specific examples and quantifying the damage broadly. Show them the harm. Be careful to be fair. Frame the violations by showing how they go against policies or laws or best practices. Back up what you’re saying with the evidence you’ve acquired.

How I did it: To highlight the dangers of police car chases, I introduced readers to Eric Larson, a young father killed when his car was hit by a motorcyclist fleeing police. Then I quantified the harm based on the records I had obtained: “New Jersey police pursuits killed at least 55 people in the past decade and injured more than 2,500.”

Remember that there’s always a different view to your perspective. Integrate it into your presentation if it is legitimate. Acknowledging the counterpoints helps you focus and ask tougher questions. In the car chase story, I made sure to also note incidents in which police chased a suspected killer and men wanted in connection to a shooting. Sometimes police chase violent criminals, but is it worthwhile for cops to chase someone for a traffic violation?

Policing is tough work, and there are times when cops use justified force. Differentiate how the issue you identified deviates from what’s appropriate.

5. Follow up relentlessly until change is made.

Change is incremental and can take years. You will likely have to repeat yourself and persist in your efforts. But if you’ve found an issue of serious public importance — like the use of force incidents we’ve seen lately from the police — there may be ongoing examples you can point to as you make your case to decision-makers.

It may be worthwhile to reach out to local journalists with what you’ve found. News outlets often have a tip line you can call. Or, find a reporter who covers similar issues and call or email them with what you’ve found. I take calls like this frequently and look forward to them. Academics who study criminal justice may also be interested. You can look them up at your local college or university. When reaching out to reporters or academics, keep it brief and focus on the facts.

The wave of protests is hitting home for many people, including in my newsroom in New Jersey. On Monday, police arrested my Asbury Park Press colleague Gustavo Martínez Contreras after he filmed officers tackling two minors to the ground in Asbury Park.

I’m continuing to investigate police accountability problems in New Jersey this year in partnership with ProPublica’s Local Reporting Network. If you have a tip for me, please share it.

If you have questions about applying the suggestions in this column, please email me at aford3@gannettnj.com. And if you find anything interesting as you start to investigate law enforcement practices, please let me know. I may want to follow up or promote your work online.

  • Singer in hospice performs soulful ‘Landslide’ cover ‘one last time’
    Photo credit: via Recordsnet and Matt Becker/Wikimedia CommonsSingers Marirose Powell (L) and Stevie Nicks (R).
    ,

    Singer in hospice performs soulful ‘Landslide’ cover ‘one last time’

    She was Stevie Nicks in a Fleetwood Mac cover band for over 20 years.

    The final performance of singer Marirose Powell has people welling up all over TikTok because of the soulful way she sang “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac while in hospice care. Powell performed as Stevie Nicks in a Fleetwood Mac cover band for over twenty years, so the song was a major part of her life.

    A week before she died from cancer, some friends showed up at her home and asked what she would like to sing. “And she said, ‘I want to sing ‘Landslide.’ And so she sang ‘Landslide’ one last time,” Powell’s daughter-in-law, Sam Xenos, who posted the video on TikTok, told People. 

    In the video, Powell grabs the railing over the medical bed as she sings a song about the inevitability of the passing of time. The song had to have taken on an even greater meaning as Powell was in the final days of her life. “I’ve been afraid of changing because I built my world around you,” Powell sings. “Time makes you bolder, and even children get old and I’m getting older, too.”

    “My mother-in-law performed as Stevie Nicks for decades,” Xenos wrote in a video overlay. “This was her final performance before she passed the following week.” In the caption, she added there wasn’t “a day that goes by that I wish we’d had more time with her. She was truly the only person I’ve ever known to leave people better than she found them. Until we can be together again, mama.”

    Powell passed away on April 10, 2024, at 62.

    @samxenos

    there isnt a day that goes by that i wish we’d had more time with her. she was truly the only person i’ve ever known to leave people better than she found them. until we can be together again mama…

    ♬ original sound – samxenos

    In her obituary, she is remembered for her “infectious smile” that “guaranteed to brighten anyone’s day and she was known for her incredibly kind soul and generous heart. She had the beautiful ability to leave all those she touched better than she found them.”

    In addition to performing as Steve Nicks, Powell released 3 solo albums and worked as an ER nurse. As a lifelong musician, she would probably be more than pleased to learn that her final performance has touched many people.

    “I hope Stevie Nick sees this. She would be proud to know that your mom sung her songs for decades,and her choice of this song was heartfelt,” one commenter wrote. “I’m sobbing. God bless you and your family. Your mom is beautiful,” another added.

    “That might be the most touching performance of ‘Landslide’ to ever exist,” a commenter wrote.

    Xenos and her husband, Powell’s son, are overjoyed that the video has gone viral. At first, she was afraid of how her husband would react to the clip being posted on TikTok. “I remember calling my husband nervous because he didn’t know I posted it,” Xenos told Upworthy. “He was over the moon after reading the comments and seeing people feel her genuine soul from that small clip. He asked me to post more videos of her and they have generated a phenomenal response. She was the most giving and generous person. I would tell her to post her music and she was worried no one would care. I’m so honored to have proved her wrong on that fact.”

    Nicks says she wrote “Landslide” in Aspen, Colorado, at 27. “I did already feel old in a lot of ways,” Nicks told The New York Times. “I’d been working as a waitress and a cleaning lady for years. I was tired.”

    She was also having a hard time in her relationship with Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham. She composed the song while looking out her window in the snow-covered Aspen mountains. “And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills / Til the landslide brought me down.”

    Here is a full performance of “Landslide” that Powell gave in 2016 at the Prospect Theater in Modesto, California. Jamie Byous joins her on guitar. 

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • Indigenous woman cries tears of joy after hairdresser discovers ‘unruly’ grey hairs
    Photo credit: CanvaIndigenous woman cries tears of joy after hairdresser discovers 'unruly' grey hairs

    Grey hair has been a concern for people since before hair dye was invented. Some people pluck them and dye them as soon as they see them growing in, while others embrace the silvery hairs. Chiara Do’wal Sehi (Sunshine) Enriquez, an Indigenous woman from the Karankawa Tribe, recently shared her excitement about learning she had grey hair.

    For a brief period of time, people were actually dyeing their hair grey prematurely. It wasn’t uncommon to meet a 20-something with “granny grey” purplish-silver hair, but the popularity faded nearly as fast as it started. But for Enriquez, grey hair isn’t a fad or something to hide. It’s a right of passage to celebrate.

    indigenous, grey hair, getting older, culture and humanity, going grey
    Indigenous woman with long braids.
    Photo Credit: Canva

    During the colonization of the Texas Gulf Coast where the Karankawa originated, the Indigenous tribe was nearly eliminated. According to the Texas State Historical Association, the Karankawa people fought to maintain their land from 1685 until 1858 from French and Spanish settlers. Due to this multi-century, on-and-off battle for their territory, the tribe’s numbers became so small that they were considered “extinct.”

    Enriquez is a descendant of the small number of Karankawa that survived. To her, living long enough to experience the growth of grey hair is a gift. The woman shares how much her “unruly” greys mean to her in a video uploaded to her Instagram page.

    indigenous, grey hair, getting older, culture and humanity, going grey
    Indigenous woman standing in sunshine.
    Photo credit: Canva

    “I got my hair styled today. I don’t get it cut. It’s a cultural belief that I was taught by my mother. We don’t cut our hair, we let it grow. We save the cut for very, very serious and important moments in our lives,” she says while sitting in her car.

    The woman explains that while she was having her hair styled, she asked the hairdresser about the texture of her hair. This is when she learned of her wiry new strands. She surprised hairdresser with her delighted response. “She said to me that it was because I had many little greys, and the unruly ones that were pushing up my other hair that weren’t grey were causing it to be a little bit frizzy.”

    Enriquez lights up and smiles while recalling the moment in her hairdresser’s chair. She reveals, “And that felt so incredible. What an honor, and I was…I’ve only ever seen my head grow one grey hair, and even when I knew I had one grey hair, I was incredibly thankful. When she saw that I was smiling and so happy, she said, ‘Oh wow, you really must come from a different culture.’”

    indigenous, grey hair, getting older, culture and humanity, going grey
    Elderly indigenous woman.
    Photo credit: Canva

    She later adds while tearing up, “I’m very happy to report that not only do I have for sure one grey hair, I have many. A plethora of grey hair. What an honor. What a fantastic gift to be lucky enough to see myself grow grey hair. That is so incredible. I am so lucky. What a life it has been. What a life it continues to be.”

    Enriquez wipes away tears as she encourages others to embrace their grey hair. Viewers were moved by her joyfully emotional response to finding out she has a head full of grey hairs pushing their way through.

    One person shares, “As a chemo patient I am always surprised when people are upset about their grey hair. I have come to see it as a privilege and dream of the day I might have greys, though my mom’s hair has never changed colors, and neither did her dads. Their hair has always stayed brown for some reason. Since my hair has begun growing again I have decided not to cut it for as long as possible. So I can say, I’ve been cancer free for this long, and show people my hair for reference.”

    Someone else writes, “This had me in tears because i’ve loss so many people and im only 30 and the day i get grey hairs i will celebrate with them!”

    Another person says, “i’m so happy to hear this expression of delight regarding your grey hair~ i am only just now getting greys & my own natural reaction was very different from my mom’s & grammom’s reactions~ i was surprised to find that i like seeing them appear~ hearing your perspective makes me think that it’s because i am not as tethered to the usa culture as they…
    so thank you for sharing your experience & offering food for thought~ & congratulations.”

    “I have been allowing my greys to come in naturally and have stopped dyeing my hair and it’s very liberating and in a society where ageism is everywhere it feels like resistance. And I love that! I have more greys than my mom. :),” someone else shares.

    indigenous, grey hair, getting older, culture and humanity, going grey
    Elderly Indigenous woman with hair covered.
    Photo credit: Canva

    “What a sacred and healthy perspective,” one person says.

    Another reveals, “I love this so much! Thank you for sharing your joy and gratitude with us. I’m getting grey and have been oscillating between feeling happy about it and feeling like I’m not sure i feel “ready” to have grey hair.”

    Enriquez says, “I’ve always been of the personal belief that humans take the longest to change the color of their foliage in observation of their reconnection with Mother Earth and the cyclicity of her seasons and transitions.” She then explains that trees change with the seasons, grass goes through a cyclical change, and even animals turn grey and calm with age. “And it has always been representative that you have lived a full life. Do you know how many people didn’t get to grow grey hair? Didn’t get to see the hair change? What a gift,” she adds.

  • A young girl tells Carol Burnett ‘hello’ from her neighbor. It happened to have been Carol’s biggest crush.
    Photo credit: Elmer Holloway, NBC, Wikimedia CommonsComedian Carol Burnett in a 1958 TV sketch.

    When a person consistently brings the world joy, it’s extra special when we see them experience it tenfold. This is what happened for iconic comedian Carol Burnett when a young girl relayed a message from her next-door neighbor. Burnett’s response was pure delight.

    A re-surfaced clip of Burnett shows her taking questions at the Q&A segment before her taping of The Carol Burnett Show. A young girl tells Burnett that she “lives next door” to one of her old boyfriends and that he says “Hello.” Burnett, clad in a lively black and yellow dress with a giant chiffon bowtie, confirms, “You live next door to an old boyfriend of mine and he says hello?” She throws her head back in jest. “There were so many!” The audience, as they so often did, laughs uproariously.

    Tommy Tracy?

    Burnett leans toward the girl and asks, “Who?” The firl answers quickly, “Tom Tracy.” Burnett, who had reportedly not planned the reaction, answers in earnest shock, crying, “TOMMY?! You’re kidding? Tommy Tracy?” Clearly, Burnett can hardly believe it. “She lives next door to… I can’t believe this! ” she stutters as she squats down. “How IS he?”

    The audience continues to eat up the exchange, while Burnett adds a vulnerably adorable tidbit to the story. “Did you know that I loved him from the time I was about 12 years old up till the time I was 17? Which was about ten years ago. I always loved Tommy Tracy. And I always dreamed that someday we’d get married and have two children and I’d name them Stacy Tracy and Dick Tracy.”

    An Instagram page shared the clip, noting a super fun fact: “The audience Q&A was one of the most beloved segments on The Carol Burnett Show, which ran on CBS from 1967 to 1978. Carol never knew what she’d be asked, so it was pure improv. The Q&A was done without any wigs, costumes, or character, just Carol herself, and if she ended up with egg on her face, so be it, which is exactly what made audiences connect with her so deeply.”

    Making sure he could find her

    The Instagram handle continued. “Carol has said she actually considered changing her name to Carol Creighton early in her career because she thought it sounded better, but she kept Burnett specifically because she wanted Tommy Tracy to know it was her if she ever became successful. He sent his regards via a little girl in a studio audience decades later.” (This anecdote has been confirmed!)

    The clip had over a quarter of a million likes in less than a week and many comments. Quite a few simply reveled in the brilliance and happiness Burnett brought (and brings) to a crowd. One noted how sincere her “Tommy” squeal was, writing, “That ‘Tommy’ was from the heart.”

    Many joked about Tommy himself. “Tom went to everyone he knew saying, ‘I told y’all I dated Carol Burnett!”

    Jerry Hall

    This wouldn’t have been the only time Burnett was shocked by a crush during Q&A. In 1976, a young girl showed up in the audience and asked, “Did you know Jerry Hall?” Burnett proudly proclaimed, “I had a crush on Jerry Hall!” The audience goes wild, exclaiming, “This is his daughter!”

    Burnett hilariously responds, “You’re Jerry Hall’s daughter? You could have been mine!” She then comes into the audience to give the young girl a giant hug.

    This clip has yielded well over half a million likes as well. One Instagrammer seemed to sum up what so many of us feel, writing, “Every time I see a clip from her show I can’t help but smile. She’s so infectious.”






  • After his father rejected a circus’ offer to buy him for $5,000, 3-foot-tall man becomes a doctor
    Photo credit: via Sir Takhtasinhji General Hospital/InstagramSir Takhtasinhji General Hospital Bhavnagar and Dr. Ganesh Baraiya.

    The odds seemed stacked against Ganesh Baraiya at birth. He had seven brothers and sisters, was born with dwarfism, and has a locomotor disability that impairs his movement. His prospects in life were so limited that while he was in primary school, a circus offered his family 500,000 rupees ($5,350) to take him as a performer. Even though it was a life-changing amount of money, his father refused, in hopes that his son would pursue an education.

    His hard work in school paid off, and in 2018, Ganesh eventually passed India’s medical exam. However, instead of celebrating, Ganesh faced another barrier: the Medical Council of India rejected his admission to an MBBS program because of his physical disability.

    The council believed that his height could be a hindrance during medical emergencies. “I was very disappointed,” Ganesh told the BBC. “I could not see a way out… I was thinking that my dream of becoming a doctor would remain incomplete.”

    Ganesh was hurt, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer

    “When the MCI rejected my application, I was very disappointed. But I didn’t give up,” he told The Federal. “I approached my college principal, Dr. Dalpatghai Katariya, who encouraged me to fight for my right to pursue medicine.” With the help of his friend, he fought the rejection in India’s high court, but his plea was rejected.

    Undeterred, Ganesh appealed the decision, and the case reached India’s Supreme Court. “After four months, the Supreme Court of India ruled in my favor on October 22, 2018,” he told The Federal. “After completing my MBBS and internship, I began my first posting as a medical officer on November 27, 2025. It’s a moment I’ve worked hard for.” Ganesh now works as a medical officer at Bhavnagar Civil Hospital, the same place where he received his medical degree.

    Ganesh’s story is an inspiration for us all 

    While some may believe that being only three feet tall and weighing a little over 40 pounds might pose serious drawbacks as a medical practitioner, Ganesh says his stature offers unique benefits. “Children would open up to me easily,” he told the BBC. “They would tell me their small problems, which they would not share with other doctors.”

    Looking ahead, Ganesh wants to pursue a career that leverages his strengths, including radiology, pediatrics, and dermatology. Now that he has a steady income, he’d also like to build a brick house for his family. 

    Ganesh’s story is a powerful example of what can happen when you refuse to settle, whether that’s joining a circus or giving up when powerful institutions say you can’t pursue your dreams. He’s also a great inspiration for anyone who has had to pick themselves up from a major setback. If a three-foot-tall man born into a humble farming family can fulfill his dreams, then anything is possible.

    “A life without struggle is like not living at all,” he told the BBC. “Many times in life, I feel like I am failing. But you have to keep moving ahead toward your goals.”

  • A bagel shop manager noticed a stroke survivor struggling to order. His response moved her son to tears.
    Photo credit: Canva(L) Restaurant manager approaches a table; (R) An elderly woman having difficultly at her table
    ,

    A bagel shop manager noticed a stroke survivor struggling to order. His response moved her son to tears.

    Chris Hansen didn’t make a fuss. He just quietly made sure she got exactly what she wanted.

    Chris Leavitt had been his mother’s primary caregiver for six months, ever since she suffered a stroke and he moved across the country to help her. He drives her to therapy appointments, helps her communicate, and tries to give her as much independence as possible on the days when that feels within reach.

    December 20 was her 60th birthday. They’d already had a full day of therapy sessions, but Leavitt wanted to mark the occasion. He let his mother choose where to go for lunch, and she navigated them to Hole in One Bagel Deli, a strip mall spot on Route 33 in Neptune, New Jersey. It wasn’t a restaurant he knew. It turned out to be exactly the right place.

    The obstacles of stroke recovery

    Leavitt’s mother walks with a cane and still has difficulty speaking as she recovers. Once inside, ordering proved harder than expected. The menus were displayed on TV screens that were difficult to read in the lighting, and when Leavitt asked whether paper menus were available, there weren’t any. As he worked to help his mother communicate what she wanted, he was aware of the other customers around them, the noise, the weight of the moment.

    That’s when manager Chris Hansen came around the counter.

    The quiet kindness of a stranger

    He didn’t make an announcement or draw attention to the situation. He simply started presenting options to her, one at a time, letting her point at what she wanted. A poppy seed bagel. Then lox. “I got you,” Hansen told her. “Don’t worry about it.” According to Leavitt, Hansen moved fluidly between helping them and the other customers coming in and out, never once making them feel like an inconvenience.

    @notjustabartender

    Just needed a good cry on the internet today.

    ♬ original sound – Chris

    “From the moment we walked in, the manager Chris showed us incredible grace and patience,” Leavitt wrote later on GoFundMe. “In truth, I’m not sure I would have figured out what she wanted on my own.”

    When their food arrived, Hansen returned to the table with something they hadn’t ordered: a chocolate pastry. He told them the whole meal was on the house. When Leavitt tried to refuse, Hansen insisted. “Please, please enjoy.”

    The power of a random act of kindness

    Leavitt said his mother didn’t fully register what had just happened. But he did. “It took everything in me not to sob inside the deli,” he wrote.

    As they were leaving, Hansen said one thing that stayed with Leavitt long after they drove away: “What’s the point of life if you can’t be nice every once in a while?”

    Responding in kind

    Leavitt, who has worked in hospitality for 15 years, posted about the experience to his Instagram following of over 400,000 people. The response was immediate. Within a day, he’d received more than a thousand comments and messages. He also quietly launched a GoFundMe to benefit Hansen directly, as a thank you. As of late December, it had raised more than $16,500.

    He also brought his mother back to the deli to see Hansen in person, as News12 New Jersey reported.

    The comment that seemed to resonate most with viewers came from someone who put it simply: “A man crying because his mom was treated with respect and dignity is pure gold.”

  • A little girl’s classmate asked who the man picking her up was. Her two-word answer made him emotional for the rest of the day.
    Photo credit: CanvaStep-dad picking up girl from school

    Julian wasn’t expecting anything unusual when he pulled up to pick up his stepdaughter from school. Just another ordinary afternoon errand. But when one of her classmates pointed at him and asked who he was, his stepdaughter answered without hesitating for even a second.

    “That’s my dad.”

    Stepping up to just ‘dad’

    Julian shared the moment in a TikTok video that quickly resonated with thousands of viewers, many of whom have lived some version of this story themselves. He said he wasn’t sure she’d ever give him that title — not because things were bad between them, but because he’d never pushed for it. He’d just tried to show up, consistently, and let her lead.

    That’s what made the moment so meaningful. She didn’t say it for him. She said it because it was simply true to her.

    People knew how it made him feel

    The comments filled up almost immediately with people who understood exactly what that kind of moment feels like. One commenter wrote that her husband cried the first time one of his stepsons said the same thing. Another, who grew up with a stepfather herself, offered a perspective worth sitting with: “She will see you differently the moment you just call her your daughter, not a stepdaughter. Just like how you felt — that feeling is the same both ways.”

    Kids are figuring things out, too

    That symmetry is easy to miss in blended families, where so much of the emotional weight tends to fall on the adults trying to figure out their role. Kids are often doing the same calculus quietly on their end, watching to see if this person is going to stick around, wondering what to call them, not wanting to get it wrong either.

    Julian ended his video saying he was going to take her out for food — which, as many commenters pointed out, is about the most dad response imaginable.

    The title of “dad” isn’t something you can ask for or negotiate. It’s conferred. And apparently, a school pickup on an ordinary afternoon is exactly the kind of place where it happens.

    You can follow Julian (@jayvalenz_20) on TikTok for more content on parenting and family. 

  • He googled “what do you put in an obituary” when his dad died and wrote one of the most beloved ones the internet has ever seen
    Photo credit: CANVAPeople smiling at a funeral celebrated a life
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    He googled “what do you put in an obituary” when his dad died and wrote one of the most beloved ones the internet has ever seen

    “We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert’s antics up to this point, but he is God’s problem now.”

    Charles Boehm had never written an obituary before. When his father Robert died in October 2024 after a fall in his Clarendon, Texas apartment, Charles sat down in his Houston home, completely stumped, and did what anyone would do.

    He Googled it.

    “I decided to Google, ‘What do you put in an obituary?’” he told The Washington Post. What came up changed everything. He found the obituary of a Connecticut man named Joe Heller, written with wit and irreverence and genuine love, and immediately thought: that sounds like something my dad would do.

    So Charles did the same. What he wrote for Robert Adolph Boehm, 74, of Clarendon, Texas (population 2,000) went viral almost instantly when Robertson Funeral Directors shared it on Facebook. It has since been viewed more than a million times.

    The viral obituary of a Texas man

    It begins like this:

    Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over ‘some stupid mother****ing thing’ and hitting his head on the floor.”

    It continues. Robert was born in Winters, Texas in 1950, “after which God immediately and thankfully broke the mold and attempted to cover up the evidence.” He managed to avoid the Vietnam draft by getting his wife Dianne pregnant three times between 1967 and 1972. His youngest son Charles arrived in 1983, the obituary notes, “with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada.”

    His lack of military service was, the obituary observes, “probably for the best” — given that Robert later took up shooting as a hobby and managed to blow two holes in his own car’s dashboard on two separate occasions. His wife Dianne, “much accustomed to such happenings in his presence, may have actually been safer in the jungles of Vietnam the entire time.”

    Good grief: Humor helps a family heal

    There’s the fashion: homemade leather moccasins, a wide collection of unconventional hats, boldly mismatched shirts and pants. The career: he became “a semi-professional truck driver — not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver.” The hobbies: historical weapons spanning from a 19,000 BC French atlatl to a Soviet-era Mosin-Nagant, plus a wide selection of harmonicas he kept on hand but rarely played. When Robert’s wife Dianne died in February 2024, Charles wrote that God had gotten her “the hell out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet.” In her absence, Robert had thrown himself into entertaining the people of Clarendon with what the obituary calls his “road show.”

    It closes: “We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert’s antics up to this point, but he is God’s problem now.”

    Attendees at the funeral were requested to wear “outlandish or mismatched outfits” in his honor.

    The reaction said it all

    Chuck Robertson, who owns the funeral home and received the obituary, told The Washington Post he almost choked on his breakfast laughing. “I told people in the office, ‘Well, this is going to get us some attention,’” he said. “I’d never had a family come through the doors that wrote an obituary as classic as that one.”

    Charles said he was astonished by the response. “I was sad that my father was going to be forgotten and that my parents’ small life would get packed up into my trailer and that would be the end of it everywhere but inside my own mind,” he told TODAY. “That obituary was intended to ease my own pain and make a handful of people in a town of two thousand smile instead of frown, and it’s probably done that for 2 million at this point.”

    The message behind the laughs

    He also has a message for anyone reading: don’t let your parents slip through the cracks in small towns. “There are people all over the country like my dad,” he said. “They go there to retire, then when they’re old, their kids scatter and they end up alone.”

    When the family cleaned out Robert’s apartment, they found four harmonicas immediately.

  • A Gen Z teacher gave his students 10 minutes to rant about anything they wanted. The essays were gloriously unhinged.
    Photo credit: TikTok | @mrcoachwhiteheadScreenshots of a young teacher talking on TikTok
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    A Gen Z teacher gave his students 10 minutes to rant about anything they wanted. The essays were gloriously unhinged.

    A 23-year-old English teacher cracked the code on getting students excited about writing. It involved a cartoon character getting roasted.

    Dean Whitehead is 23 years old and in his first year of teaching high school English. He’d heard enough complaints from students about boring essay topics to know he needed to try something different. So one day he set up a camera in his classroom, opened a shared document he’d titled “Argumentative Fun,” and gave his students an assignment unlike anything they’d been asked to do before.

    Ten minutes. Any topic. No grammar corrections, no spelling deductions. The only way to win bonus points was to be genuinely convincing.

    “It has to be something you feel so strongly about that you can type for 10 minutes straight,” Whitehead told them, as captured in his TikTok video posted to @mrcoachwhitehead. A few students immediately had questions. One asked for a minute to think. Whitehead gave them eleven. Voice-to-text was off the table.

    Students take writing to another level – their own

    The essays came in. They were, as promised, unhinged.

    @mrcoachwhitehead

    Replying to @Titus.333 the moment you’ve all been waiting for#fyp #foryou #teachersoftiktok #teacher #education

    ♬ original sound – mrcoachwhitehead

    One student ranted about curfews, arguing that weekends should be completely free because school is already hard enough. Another went after boys in general. One made a detailed case for wanting to be rich specifically so they could give money to their friends and family. Someone addressed the injustice of teachers confiscating phones. One student, apparently undaunted by the fact that their teacher was reading this, wrote in the middle of their essay that Whitehead wasn’t actually the best teacher.

    Caillou hits a big nerve

    But the winner, and it wasn’t close, wrote about Caillou.

    For those who have blocked the PBS Kids animated series from memory: Caillou is a perpetually four-year-old Canadian child who whines his way through every episode and faces consequences for approximately nothing. The student’s essay, Whitehead reported in a follow-up video that has now been viewed more than 11 million times, cited Caillou’s baldness as suspicious and his ability to get away with everything as a fundamental injustice. “When I say this was the most convincing rant I’d received, I mean it,” Whitehead told his class. “I also hated Caillou.”

    Five bonus points, awarded.

    Finding passion through freewriting

    What surprised Whitehead most wasn’t the content — it was the quality. When students actually cared about their topic, the mechanics followed. “The craziest surprise was they actually did fantastic on their own with grammar and creating full, complete sentences,” he wrote in the comments. “I was super proud of them.”

    The technique Whitehead stumbled onto has a real name: freewriting. Teachers have used low-stakes, high-freedom writing exercises for decades precisely because removing the fear of being graded wrong tends to unlock students who’ve otherwise decided they hate writing. The catch is getting them to care about the topic enough to sustain it. Turns out strong opinions about animated characters work just fine.

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He googled “what do you put in an obituary” when his dad died and wrote one of the most beloved ones the internet has ever seen