5 ways everyday citizens can start holding police departments accountable

This article first appeared on ProPublica. You can read it here. The death of George Floyd at the hands of police in Minneapolis has drawn historic levels of interest in police misconduct and drawn condemnation from law enforcement leaders nationwide. As a reporter covering law enforcement for the Asbury Park Press in New Jersey, and…

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Photo credit: assets.rebelmouse.io Array

This article first appeared on ProPublica. You can read it here.

The death of George Floyd at the hands of police in Minneapolis has drawn historic levels of interest in police misconduct and drawn condemnation from law enforcement leaders nationwide.

As a reporter covering law enforcement for the Asbury Park Press in New Jersey, and now in partnership with ProPublica’s Local Reporting Network, I use investigative reporting techniques to strengthen police accountability. Other journalists do the same. But, in truth, any citizen can apply the same methods to ensure the law enforcement system they’re funding is serving them well.

Police culture can be insular and tough to penetrate. But I’ve been surprised by how often it’s possible, though time consuming, to expose important issues by requesting and examining records and data from police departments and other government agencies and engaging citizens and key leaders. So here are five techniques concerned citizens, journalists and policymakers can use to examine police conduct in their communities.


1. Understand the policies and laws that govern police conduct.

If you’re alarmed by what you saw in Minneapolis, or other recent incidents of apparent police misconduct, the first step is to find out if the agency in question has a written policy on the use of force. Does the policy dictate when officers should or shouldn’t use force? What tactics are they allowed to use? Is there any rule against choking a suspect?

It’s important to know if the officers involved were following the policies and procedures that are supposed to guide their behavior. Police actions that strike an onlooker as inappropriate may actually be within a department’s rules. It’s possible the rules themselves are inconsistent with best practices elsewhere.

Ask the department for its policies on the practices that concern you, like restraining suspects or the use of pepper spray or Tasers. You may also need to request rules set by a county or state authority. Ask for written copies. You may be required to file a formal public records request, which I will describe below. And if there is no existing written policy, that might be something worth questioning itself.

If you’re having trouble understanding a policy, try running it by an attorney, academic, elected official or a journalist in your community.

How I did it: I did a deep dive into policies about drug testing after a police captain was killed in a car crash in 2016, and I exposed that he was drunk and on drugs at the time. I spoke to his chief and learned their department didn’t have a policy for random drug testing. I wondered why that was the case and looked to the state attorney general’s office, which sets many police rules. The rules allowed departments to choose whether they wanted to do random testing, and my reporting identified more than 100 that did not. After our story, the state attorney general mandated random drug testing for cops across the state.

2. You are entitled to public records that can show whether rules are being followed. Get them.

Your tax dollars pay for just about everything a police department does, which includes generating tons of reports, dispatch logs, video recordings and data about what officers do every day. Any citizen is entitled to see those public records to understand how the government works.

The agency may say the public records law does not allow you to have access to some documents — information about confidential informants and medical records, for example. The laws that dictate what’s considered public vary by state, so check out the national guide by the Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press. Information the agency considers off limits may also be redacted, and it may take time to get a response.

Even with the hassles and limitations, public records laws are empowering and I’ve been surprised by how much I can obtain. My policy is always to ask and make a records clerk explain why I can’t have taxpayer-funded records. Follow up to ensure important requests aren’t lost or ignored. Assume you should be able to see everything. Your state’s public records law may even include a presumption that records are open and exemptions are an exception. You may run into roadblocks that you can’t overcome on your own. In some cases, journalism organizations have had to sue to obtain public records. Your budget may not allow for an attorney, but some states have mediators that you can go to if you think your request is being wrongly denied.

It’s striking how much information the government collects but then does not review. So you might be the first person to ask for a particular body of records and put them together to identify an important trend which you can share with leaders who weren’t paying attention to the issue. Your local journalists may also be very interested in the information you have gathered.

Sometimes it’s hard to even know which records exist. That’s where documents commonly known as records retention schedules come in handy. Government agencies use these to track which records they keep and how long they hold onto them. Use the schedules to help you see what you might be able to obtain. These are available all over the country. Just for fun, I looked up the city of Los Angeles — they call them records disposition schedules and found them for agencies ranging from the Police Department to the zoo. The agency of interest to you might use a different name for the document, so call them and ask if they have a written guide that shows which records they maintain and for how long.

How I did it: I started investigating police car chases after I saw the government keeps summaries of those incidents, including how many people are arrested or injured. I saw I could add up those figures and see if the benefits of the chases outweighed the risks and harm. I discovered that chases in recent years usually didn’t end with an arrest, and that lots of people get hurt, including cops and bystanders.

If you’re interested in scrutinizing the type of misconduct we saw in Minneapolis, you could request use of force reports. New Jersey made those public a few years ago, and Newark Star-Ledger journalists used them to great effect. ProPublica has that data available here for a fee.

If I were investigating a case of violence by the police I’d ask for:

  • The use of force reports filed by the officers involved.
  • Related incident reports.
  • Computer-assisted dispatch reports.
  • 911 phone call recordings.
  • Body-worn and vehicle-mounted camera recordings.

I might also request policies that dictate how an agency handles complaints against officers. Some states consider substantiated complaints against individual officers to be public records, so you could request them, depending on where you live. WNYC has a helpful breakdown of where that information is public. If you’re looking for video from police body cameras, the Reporters Committee has a guide that shows the places where those are considered public. If you want to obtain recordings of 911 calls, they have a guide for those, too.

You could also be more general and ask the relevant department for substantiated internal affairs complaints alleging excessive force in the past year or so, if those are public in your state. Departments might keep summary data on internal affairs complaints, so ask for the most recent copy of that, too.

3. Identify the power players and engage them.

Engaging law enforcement leaders is essential to understanding policing, and their involvement is key to fixing problems. My access and experience as a white man who works for a news organization may be different than someone else’s experience. It also depends on who you talk to and their openness to criticism. But I think we stand the best chance of a good outcome if we deal with each other respectfully.

Many policing issues are handled at the local, county or state level. Part of your work will involve figuring out who is responsible for the issue you’re concerned about.

“All policing is local,” former Milwaukee police Chief Edward A. Flynn told me. Like many cities, Milwaukee is also experiencing unrest and criticism of the police. Flynn, a well-known law enforcement leader, encouraged conversations between citizens and cops, possibly aided by a neutral third party like a local faith leader.

“The key to changing policing is on the ground level,” he said. He added that it helps for citizens to praise the good work they see from their officers. He encouraged the public to consider crime statistics when scrutinizing police tactics.

I have found that the police themselves are often open to talking to me about the problems in their profession. Many I have talked to feel bad when things go wrong.

How I did it: I’ve been amazed at who is willing to talk to me when I simply take the time to ask. As part of my investigation into police car chases, I talked to a former cop who lost her police officer husband when his vehicle was struck during a high-speed pursuit. I was touched by the way she took hours from her busy life to tell me some of her most painful memories and share her insights as a former cop.

I took my findings to the attorney general, the state’s largest police union and to lawmakers who vowed action. “It appears to me there’s a lot more harm done than good right now,” one of them said about the high-speed incidents.

“If the community has an issue either positive or negative with their law enforcement, then they should definitely have a conversation with the mayor, council and police chief,” said New Jersey Assemblyman Gordon Johnson, a former cop who has participated in community discussion about police issues.

Contact information for law enforcement leaders is often available online. They may regularly attend meetings that are open to the public.

4. Presenting findings in a fair and persuasive manner is a powerful way to spur reform.

Show police leaders the problem that concerns you, using specific examples and quantifying the damage broadly. Show them the harm. Be careful to be fair. Frame the violations by showing how they go against policies or laws or best practices. Back up what you’re saying with the evidence you’ve acquired.

How I did it: To highlight the dangers of police car chases, I introduced readers to Eric Larson, a young father killed when his car was hit by a motorcyclist fleeing police. Then I quantified the harm based on the records I had obtained: “New Jersey police pursuits killed at least 55 people in the past decade and injured more than 2,500.”

Remember that there’s always a different view to your perspective. Integrate it into your presentation if it is legitimate. Acknowledging the counterpoints helps you focus and ask tougher questions. In the car chase story, I made sure to also note incidents in which police chased a suspected killer and men wanted in connection to a shooting. Sometimes police chase violent criminals, but is it worthwhile for cops to chase someone for a traffic violation?

Policing is tough work, and there are times when cops use justified force. Differentiate how the issue you identified deviates from what’s appropriate.

5. Follow up relentlessly until change is made.

Change is incremental and can take years. You will likely have to repeat yourself and persist in your efforts. But if you’ve found an issue of serious public importance — like the use of force incidents we’ve seen lately from the police — there may be ongoing examples you can point to as you make your case to decision-makers.

It may be worthwhile to reach out to local journalists with what you’ve found. News outlets often have a tip line you can call. Or, find a reporter who covers similar issues and call or email them with what you’ve found. I take calls like this frequently and look forward to them. Academics who study criminal justice may also be interested. You can look them up at your local college or university. When reaching out to reporters or academics, keep it brief and focus on the facts.

The wave of protests is hitting home for many people, including in my newsroom in New Jersey. On Monday, police arrested my Asbury Park Press colleague Gustavo Martínez Contreras after he filmed officers tackling two minors to the ground in Asbury Park.

I’m continuing to investigate police accountability problems in New Jersey this year in partnership with ProPublica’s Local Reporting Network. If you have a tip for me, please share it.

If you have questions about applying the suggestions in this column, please email me at aford3@gannettnj.com. And if you find anything interesting as you start to investigate law enforcement practices, please let me know. I may want to follow up or promote your work online.

  • 50 emotions that don’t exist in the English language, but we all have experienced
    Elderly man gently touches the forehead of another man outdoors.

    English may boast one of the lengthiest vocabularies in the world, but there are still entire emotional universes Merriam-Webster can’t quite encapsulate. Thankfully, other cultures can. Our ability to understand these layered, sometimes conflicting feelings proves that beneath our differences, we share the same emotional language.

    Here are some of the most beautifully specific emotions that have no English equivalent, grouped by the inner worlds they illuminate. Together, they show one thing: human feelings are far more connected than we might assume,

    1. The many faces of love, longing, and heartache

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words
    Woman in denim jacket covers face with sleeve, standing outdoors with blurred background. Photo credit: Canva

    Chappell Roan said it best: “love is a kaleidoscope.” One of tenderness, ache, inevitability, and memory. These words perfectly capture the emotional fine print of human connection.

    • Saudade (Portuguese) – A deep nostalgic longing for someone or something loved and lost. The love that lingers long after the moment is gone.
    • Tu’burni (Arabic) – “I hope I die before you,” said not morbidly but because life without the beloved would be unbearable.
    • Onsra (Boro, India) – Loving for what you know will be the last time.
    • Mágoa (Portuguese) – A heartbreak so profound that its traces remain visible in gestures and expressions.
    • Sielvartas (Lithuanian) – A seemingly endless grief or emotional turmoil, often tied to loss.
    • Toska (Russian) – Spiritual anguish with no clear cause—sometimes love-sickness, sometimes existential ache.
    • Koi No Yokan (Japanese) – The feeling that you’re destined to fall in love with someone. Not love at first sight, but the inevitability of it.
    • Forelsket (Norwegian) – The consuming, euphoric high of new love. Technically, we do have an English equivalent (puppy love).
    • Mamihlapinatapai (Yaghan) – A shared look between two people, both hoping the other will initiate something they both want.
    • Gigil (Tagalog) – The irresistible urge to squeeze someone because they’re impossibly cute or beloved.
    • Jeong (Korean) – A deep, multifaceted emotional bond encompassing love, affection, empathy, and attachment.

    These words prove that love cannot be reduced to a single emotion.

    2. Awe, inspiration, and emotional transcendence

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Woman with outstretched arms in a sunlit field, enjoying the outdoors. Photo credit: Canva

    Some emotions lift us out of our everyday selves—through nature, art, music, or inner stillness. These words celebrate those moments when the world feels bigger, deeper, or more alive.

    • Tarab (Arabic) – A musical ecstasy that transports you.
    • Duende (Spanish) – The visceral, spine-tingling feeling you get from powerful art.
    • Shinrin-yoku (Japanese) – The restorative calm from “forest-bathing.”
    • Dadirri (Australian Aboriginal) – Deep, contemplative, respectful listening.
    • Querencia (Spanish) – A place where your soul rests and regathers strength.
    • Ailyak (Bulgarian) – Doing things calmly and slowly, resisting the rush of life.
    • Ataraxia (Ancient Greek) – A serene calm that comes from acceptance and clarity.
    • Sukha (Sanskrit) – True, lasting happiness not dependent on circumstances.
    • Eudaimonia (Greek) – A form of human flourishing that includes joy, purpose, and even the ability to hold suffering with grace.

    These are the emotions that open us up to natural beauty and to the deeper parts of ourselves.

    3. Yearning, wanderlust, and the emotional pull of place

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Lush forest with vibrant green and orange foliage in soft, misty sunlight. Photo credit: Canva

    These words capture the feelings that tie us to geography—whether we’re longing to leave, ecstatic to go, or transformed when we arrive somewhere new.

    • Fernweh (German) – A longing for faraway places you haven’t visited yet.
    • Dépaysement (French) – The disorientation (good or bad) of being somewhere entirely unfamiliar. Think of it as reverse déjà vu.
    • Resfeber (Swedish) – The nervous excitement right before a journey begins.
    • Vårkänsla (Swedish) – The giddy, heart-lifting feeling when spring finally returns.
    • Iktsuarpok (Inuit) – The restless anticipation of waiting for someone to arrive.
    • Waldeinsamkeit (German) – Also belongs here for its nature-rooted serenity.

    These words remind us that our surroundings shape our inner world.

    4. Connection, community, and shared human vibes

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Friends laughing and drinking coffee at a cozy cafe table. Photo credit: Canva

    Some feelings only exist between people in crowds, in friendships, in shared silences, or in the subtle emotional temperature of a room.

    • Gezelligheid (Dutch) – Cozy, heartwarming togetherness.
    • 분위기 / Boon-wee-gi (Korean) – The overall atmosphere or vibe of a situation.
    • Fika (Swedish) – A ritualized break to slow down and connect (usually over coffee).
    • Mokita (Kivila) – A painful truth everyone knows but agrees not to mention.
    • Commuovere (Italian) – Being moved to tears by someone’s story or kindness.

    Human life is held together by shared awareness, and these words embody some of those shared experiences.

    5. Strength, resilience, and grit

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Woman with curly hair in sunlight, eyes closed, wearing a purple top. Photo credit: Canva

    These words show that courage and resourcefulness take many forms.

    • Sisu (Finnish) – Deep perseverance and courage in adversity.
    • Orenda (Huron) – The human will’s power to shape the world despite fate.
    • Jijivisha (Hindi) – A zest for life; desire to live fully and vibrantly.
    • 加油 / Jiā yóu (Chinese) – “Add oil!” A cheer of encouragement and solidarity.
    • Desenrascanço (Portuguese) – Cleverly untangling yourself from trouble using creativity.
    • Pihentagyú (Hungarian) – A relaxed-brain quick-wittedness; clever mental play.

    Some emotions are fuel to keep us going.

    6. Humor, embarrassment, and the awkwardness of existence

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Man smiling with hand over face, standing outdoors against a blue sky background. Photo credit: Canva

    Humans are messy. These words capture the cringiness that makes us lovable.

    • Jayus (Indonesian) – A joke so bad it’s good.
    • Age-otori (Japanese) – When your haircut makes you look worse.
    • Litost (Czech) – The sting of suddenly realizing your own misery—often with a dash of revenge fantasy.
    • Lebensmüde (German) – “Life tiredness” that sometimes explains reckless behavior.

    They celebrate the ways we laugh our way through being human.

    7. Serenity, fulfillment, and slower ways of living

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Hand painting a still life on canvas with blue and orange tones. Photo credit: Canva

    These words name feelings we desperately need more English words for—the grounded peace that comes from completing something meaningful or living at a human pace.

    • Yuan bei (Chinese) – Perfect, satisfying accomplishment.
    • Ailyak (Bulgarian) – Calm, unhurried living.
    • Meraki (Greek) – Pouring your soul, passion, and creativity into what you do.
    • Querencia (Spanish) – A place of inner refuge and strength.
    • Ataraxia (Greek) – Acceptance-based tranquility.

    These words are all about the intrinsic fullness that comes from finishing something well, doing things with heart, and letting yourself breathe.

    8. The hard-to-define emotional in-betweens

    words with no english equivalent, untranslatable words, emotions words, language, english, french, dutch, korean, chinese, german, words, unique words

    Woman sitting on a chair in the water, writing in a notebook at sunset. Photo credit: Canva

    Some feelings sit in liminal spaces, hard to define but unmistakably human.

    • Torschlusspanik (German) – The fear that the door of opportunity is closing as you age.
    • Desbundar (Portuguese) – Letting loose and shedding your inhibitions.
    • Dadirri (Aboriginal) – Quiet, contemplative inner listening.
    • Dépaysement (French) – Emotional disorientation abroad (also fits here).

    “Bittersweet” is an English word that comes to mind, but how nice to have even more words to choose from.

    Why these words matter more than ever

    Maybe the real beauty of these untranslatable emotions isn’t that other languages have them and English doesn’t. It’s that humans everywhere feel them, even if we don’t always know how to say them out loud.

    So the next time you experience something too complicated to explain, take heart: there’s probably a word for it somewhere in the world…and someone who’s felt it, too.

    Sources: Berlitz, BBC, Thought Catalog, Collective Hub

    This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

  • French toast isn’t actually French. How the ancient frugal meal got its contradictory name.
    Photo credit: CanvaFrench toast, left, and a man wearing a beret and striped shirt.

    We all know and love the fluffy, sweet, decadent taste of French toast. But what many of us don’t know is that it’s about as authentic to French cuisine as chicken parm is to Italian cuisine. In fact, the dish predates the country entirely. 

    From ancient Rome to your breakfast plate

    The earliest known recipe goes all the way back to ancient Rome. In a fourth-/fifth-century cookbook titled Apicius, you’ll find instructions for making Aliter Dulcia (“another sweet dish”), as it was called back then, which involved soaking white bread in a milk-and-egg mixture, frying it, then covering it with honey.

    According to some sources, this iteration of French toast was considered a luxury food intended for the wealthy. Only “fine white bread” with the “crusts removed” would be used. 

    However, fast-forward to Medieval Europe, and the dish served slightly more practical purposes. It not only revived otherwise stale and useless bread in a time when food really couldn’t go to waste, but the eggs used in the dish also provided necessary protein. 

    During this time period, the dish went by many names, but French toast wasn’t one of them. Germans called it “eggy bread,” the Irish called it “gypsy toast,” and the English called it “poor knights,” referring to its economical ingredients. Even the French called it pain perdu, or “lost bread.”

    Below, Max Miller of Tasting History recreated Suppa Dorata (often translated as “Golden Soup” or “Golden Sippets”), essentially the 15th-century Italian version of French toast, featuring a rich, crispy texture flavored with saffron and rose water rather than maple syrup or honey.

    The accidental birth of “French toast”

    Astoundingly, the term French toast actually refers to an American…an American who could have benefited from autocorrect. 

    As legend has it, in 1724, New York innkeeper Joseph French advertised it as “French toast” when he meant to call it “French’s toast.” A simple grammatical error became immortalized forever. 

    It seems, though, that French toast wouldn’t become America’s go-to name until World War I. Before then, it was called “German toast.” But when all things German became taboo, a name attributed to an Allied country seemed more befitting.

    Sidenote: Some might recall that in 2003, the United States was trying to rebrand French toast as “freedom toast,” similar to “freedom fries” instead of “French fries.” It did not catch on. 

    Breakfast, dessert, or something else entirely?

    Even after the name French toast stuck, people couldn’t agree on which meal it belonged to. As Miller explained, some felt it was best suited for lunch, while others thought it should be an after-dinner dessert. It wasn’t until 1866, when Godey’s Magazine (which brought us “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and that little holiday known as Thanksgiving) dubbed it an “excellent” breakfast choice, “equal to waffles.” Bold statement, indeed!

    Today, French toast still goes by countless other names and variations. In several countries, it’s a savory dish. In India, it’s served with spices, green chilis, onions, and even ketchup. Similarly, Italy places mozzarella between the bread slices before dipping them in eggs and frying them. Meanwhile, in places like Brazil and Spain, where it’s called “rabanadas” and “torrijas,” respectively, it’s served on special holidays like Christmas or Lent.

    @daenskitchen

    Torrijas (Spanish French toast). Full recipe over on my website!

    ♬ sonido original – Vibes by Ley

    No matter what you call it, this enduring dish is far more magical than it appears at first glance, carrying not only delicious comfort but also centuries of history in every bite.

  • An American in Paris explains European ‘bridge holidays’ and people are fascinated

    Photo credit: Canva Photos

    The Eiffel Tower, left, and a family at the beach.

    It’s no secret that work culture in Europe is a lot different from what it is in the United States. Europeans often get more time off and work fewer hours overall. Even so, you have to really live there to understand just how different things are.

    Justyn Lee is doing exactly that. He is an American living and working in Paris, and even he was surprised after moving there to discover a few new things about the work culture. One major takeaway? In France, the month of May barely exists.

    American living in Paris explains “le pont”

    In a LinkedIn post, Lee explains that France has four official holidays in the month of May. That’s kind of a lot, but not totally unusual compared to what Americans are used to. In November, we have Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, while in January there’s New Year’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day. In France, there’s Labour Day, Victory in Europe Day, Ascension Thursday, and Whit Monday.

    However, he notes that “France does not operate on days. It operates on proximity.”

    Lee then explains something called “le pont,” which means “the bridge.” Whenever a holiday, or a day off from work, lands in the middle of the week, most companies just go ahead and make “the days in between disappear.”

    Americans are familiar with “the bridge” in a few scenarios. Most businesses are closed the Friday after Thanksgiving, for example. But in France, while it’s not legally mandated, it’s culturally accepted that most holidays turn into a four-day weekend.

    Lee says people take this opportunity to travel, go on vacation, or rest, only occasionally checking in on work. “Let’s circle back in June” is a common refrain.

    “May is not a month,” he writes. “C’est la vie.”

    It’s not just France that likes to stretch its holiday weekends

    The concept of “bridge holidays” is almost universal across European and Latin American work cultures. It exists under different names in France, Germany (Brückentage), Spain (hacer puente), Brazil (imprensar/emendar/enforcar), and more.

    There are tons of reasons for this extremely liberal vacation policy. European and Latin American countries have strong labor unions that protect workers’ rights, and most have universal healthcare, which lowers the economic pressures associated with working.

    Though bridge holidays and large amounts of paid time off are not completely universal, the U.S. does seem to be in the minority by not participating.

    How do countries like France keep the “trains running,” so to speak, in the month of May and other months full of holidays? Essential services are often still open, as are shops and small businesses in big cities like Paris. Tourism workers may not get such an extended break at the same time, since everyone is vacationing. But otherwise, typical office workers have a cultural agreement that non-urgent emails and meetings can simply…wait.

    Europeans chime in with a knowing nod

    Lee’s post struck a chord on LinkedIn, where dozens of commenters were eager to share their thoughts.

    “Love this post!” Marta Pastoriza Ares commented. “Haha Something veeery similar happens in Spain as well, and we also call it ‘hacer puente’ (bridging those bank holidays with the days ‘in between’). A culture trait I refuse to leave behind. Not ever!”

    “Very similar approach in Brazil when it comes to holidays,” Carolina O. Fraiel said. “We call it ‘imprensar’ (to squeeze), ’emendar’ (to connect) and ‘enforcar’ (to choke). And all it means is that people hope for holidays on Tuesdays and Thursdays to make the most of it.”

    “Very, very similar in Germany, we even also call those days between holidays and weekends ‘Brückentage’ (bridge days),” Alexander Lichanow said. “I would love to see US hustlebros froth and fume over this blatant disregard for grind culture.”

    Shahana Shaikh was fascinated by the unwritten rules in action: “Interesting how work culture isn’t just rules it’s the unwritten norms people quietly follow. Sometimes, without anything being formally announced, everyone just aligns around a shared rhythm. It shows that culture isn’t what’s written in policy, but what people actually practice every day.”

    And finally, Tim McNerney drew a humorous parallel to life in the U.S.: “European AE: Right guys, it’s July 31st. I’ll see you in September. Out of office is on. Leaving my work laptop at home. Don’t try and contact me. American AE: kidney surgery is tomorrow. Bring the docusigns by my bed, and I’ll make sure we get the red lines covered before they put me under. I should be good for the on-site the next morning too.”

    Americans in the comments were a bit flabbergasted to learn the meaning behind “le pont.” But would bridge holidays even work in America?

    Without federally mandated paid time off and some major changes to the cultural infrastructure, probably not. Americans also tend to get higher salaries than their European counterparts, and they like it that way.

    But that’s not to say that it’s all doom and gloom for overworked Americans.

    After COVID-19 and the work-from-home boom, many workers have found themselves with more flexibility than their office jobs previously allowed. In addition to formal “bridges” around Thanksgiving and Christmas, it’s become more normal for workplaces to be “quiet” around the holidays or during certain stretches of the summer.

    This understanding could become even more normalized in the coming years.

    The key thing that makes it work in France, though, is the social contract. There’s an unspoken agreement that life is more important than work, and things that aren’t urgent are sometimes going to have to wait. It’s an approach that we could, and probably should, adopt a little more of here at home.

  • Young woman surprises 87-year-old neighbor who lives alone by paying off his hearing aid bill
    https://www.tiktok.com/@julissa.and.delmar/photo/7600874367303634189Julissa Gomez and husband Anthony befriended neighbor Delmar Harter.
    ,

    Young woman surprises 87-year-old neighbor who lives alone by paying off his hearing aid bill

    “He’s definitely not just our neighbor anymore, he’s family,” Julissa Gomez tells Upworthy.

    Julissa Gomez, 28, and Delmar Harter, 87, are unlikely best friends, but it’s a bond that’s been building for a decade.

    “We met Delmar over 10 years ago when my parents bought their home in 2015,” Julissa tells Upworthy. “At first, our relationship was taking him to church and sharing meals here and there. But over time, we noticed that he was often alone during holidays and birthdays.”

    Over the years, Julissa and Delmar have been through many ups and downs of life together that has made their friendship stronger.

    “Delmar showed up for us in one of the hardest moments of our lives when my father passed away [in 2020], and that kind of kindness says everything about who he is. He’s definitely not just our neighbor anymore, he’s family,” she adds.

    Delmar’s hearing aids are paid off

    Gomez was able to surprise Delmar with the good news. Thanks to the success of the children’s book they wrote together called The Friendship Next Door with Delmar (published in 2025), was able to pay off his costly hearing aids. Gomez shared an emotional video on social media, with Delmar wiping tears from his eyes.

    “His reaction was very emotional,” she tells Upworthy. “He was so grateful and honestly a bit overwhelmed. Seeing that joy and relief on his face reminded us exactly why we started all of this. It was a really special moment for all of us.”

    With years of friendship under their belt, the pair wanted to share their story in a book that “encourages kids and people of all ages to be kinder and try to get to know your neighbors,” Julissa adds. 

    The goal was to help raise money to support Delmar’s living expenses and health needs.

    “We are so happy to now say that the book is now helping with his living expenses and things like his hearing aids,” she says. “Before he would just rely on his social security check, but now because of the power of the Internet his bills are all paid for.”

    How Julissa and Delmar became family

    When they first met in 2015, Julissa and her family embraced Delmar entirely.

    “We made it a point to start celebrating those days with him. After so many years of holidays, birthdays, and any special occasion that we celebrated together we then welcomed him into our family, and he truly became a part of it.” she shares.

    Julissa also notes that, “Delmar never married and his family live in other states, so we are the closest family he has now.”

    Julissa’s husband, Anthony, has also become close with Delmar.

    “After my dad passed away in 2020, my husband Anthony stepped in and took on a big role in continuing the love and care we had built as a family. Since then, my husband and Delmar have formed such a special bond. They are best of friends.”

    Julissa hopes that her friendship with Delmar can inspire others.

    “If there’s one thing we want people to take away, it’s that kindness doesn’t have to be big to make an impact,” she says. “Simply showing up for someone, especially during the times they feel most alone, can truly change a life.”

    Viewers respond

    Many people were touched by Julissa and Delmar’s friendship, as well as the good news of Delmar’s hearing aids being paid off:

    “I love him so so so much truly your story is the BEST.”

    “As a millennial grown woman that never saw any of my grandparents maternal or paternal this is a gem. You’re so blessed to have found a soul needing of love and attention.”

    “Oh now I’m cryingggg.”

    “I know his mama looking down on you with so much love for taking care of her baby boy ❤️.”

    “Something about an older man tearing up 🥹.”

    “😭😭😭 I can’t stop crying. I’m happy that Grandpa Delmar is happy. Damn I’m just thankful he found the both of you.”

  • The real inspiration for ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is far more heartbreaking than the fairytale
    Photo credit: Wikimedia CommonsPetrus Gonsalvus and his wife, Catherine, left, and a solo portrait of Petrus Gonsalvus.
    ,

    The real inspiration for ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is far more heartbreaking than the fairytale

    Beneath the legend was a family navigating lives shaped by exploitation.

    Beauty and the Beast is a fairytale-turned-Disney movie that virtually everyone on the planet is familiar with. But very few know that it was said to be based on a true—and deeply tragic—story.

    A boy taken from his home

    In 1537, at just 10 years old, a boy named Pedro Gonzalez was taken from his home in the Canary Islands and presented to King Henry II of France as a novelty gift because of his genetic condition, known today as congenital hypertrichosis, which causes the entire body to be covered in hair.

    Despite his “wild” appearance, Gonzalez seemed docile, inspiring the king to experiment with turning the supposed savage into a gentleman under the revised Latin name Petrus Gonsalvus.

    Gonsalvus grew up to be an educated, respected member of the court. At least, as respected as a man with his condition could be. However, there would be one more experiment awaiting him.

    Petrus Gonsalvus. Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

    That moment would arrive in his twenties, after his protector, Henry II, died in a jousting accident on July 10, 1559. Ownership of him now belonged to the infamously cruel Catherine de Medici.

    Medici arranged a marriage between Gonsalvus and another Catherine without ever mentioning her soon-to-be husband’s condition to the bride.

    Petrus Gonsalvus and his wife Catherine by Joris Hoefnagel. Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

    The family that became a spectacle

    Hypertrichosis has dominant traits and therefore easily passes down to children, which the Gonsalvus family soon discovered. The pair had seven children, four of whom were covered in hair.

    It wasn’t long before the “wild family” became a traveling sideshow of sorts, fascinating onlookers, painters, scientists, and nobles throughout Europe. Portraits of the family circulated among royal courts, where they were studied less as people and more as curiosities. Sadly, the Gonsalvuses would eventually be separated as, much like their father, several of the children were sold or gifted away as oddities.

    Children of Petrus Gonsalvus by Joris Hoefnagel. Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

    Gonsalvus and his wife died within six years of each other, in 1618 and 1623, respectively, in Italy, though their graves were never located.

    How their story may have shaped a classic fairytale

    Fast forward to 1740, when a French author by the name of Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve published La Belle et la Bête (French for Beauty and the Beast) in a collection of stories titled La Jeune Américaine et les contes marins (The Young American and Marine Tales).

    While Villeneuve never explicitly confirmed Gonsalvus as an inspiration, historians have pointed out striking similarities between the real-life family and the famous tale: a gentle, intelligent man judged almost entirely for his appearance; a woman unexpectedly placed into a marriage she did not choose; and a relationship that slowly grew through familiarity and understanding.

    The Disney version then transformed the story into one filled with singing teacups, enchanted castles, and a hopeful ending. As we now know, the real history behind it paints a far sadder picture of how society once treated people who looked outside the norm.

    Centuries later, the story of Petrus Gonsalvus continues to fascinate people because it reveals just how easily humanity can blur the line between curiosity and cruelty. Beneath the legend, the paintings, and the fairytale comparisons was simply a family navigating lives shaped by exploitation they never asked for.

  • Fashion expert explains why ‘survival bias’ makes it seem like 19th century Victorian gowns were much smaller than they were
    Photo credit: CanvaA woman in the 19th century.


    It’s often fascinating how history is written. Perhaps it’s not for nefarious reasons, but it can lead to misconceptions about the reality of the past. From history to art to fashion, we see through certain filters often applied without us knowing.

    Fashion historian Dr. Serena Dyer has become popular online for sharing what clothing trends looked like decade by decade through the centuries. In a recent clip posted to social media, she shares a video of a 19th century gown with a thirty-nine inch waist. She points out that despite often seeing much smaller garments from this time period, larger ones were actually quite as common.

    Thirty-nine inch waist

    Dyer explains why this phenomenon happens. “This Victorian gown has a thirty-nine inch waist,” she begins. “And in the 19th century, this was not uncommon. Survival bias means that garments with enough fabric to be remade were recycled or worn as fancy dress. But tiny garments that were too small to be re-worn were disproportionately preserved in our attics and museum collections.”

    We zoom in on the exquisite brown silk garment. “This chocolate brown silk gown from 1864 in the collection of Bankfield Museum is a rare, glorious exception. Its large skirt, supported by a crinoline, and curvy bust supported the Victorian emphasis on proportion over tininess. So let’s stop pretending that the eighteen-inch waist was the standard and start accepting that bodies of all shapes and sizes have always existed.”

    The clip delighted some of the commenters. One Facebooker wrote, “Love this!! I adore the dresses from the era and have always thought, thank goodness I did not live back then, those dresses would look awful on me. Now I see they are just as beautiful in normal sizes!!”

    Survival bias

    In the piece, “Understanding Survival Bias in Vintage Plus-Size Clothing”, licensed aesthetician, makeup artist, massage therapist, and fashion expert who goes by Christine “The Glambassador,” explains what survival bias is and gives an example, unrelated to fashion. “Survival bias occurs when we form conclusions based only on what has lasted over time while overlooking everything that didn’t survive. A classic example of this comes from WWII, when statistician Abraham Wald analyzed bullet holes on returning planes. The military initially thought they should reinforce the areas that had been hit, but Wald realized they were only looking at the planes that made it back—meaning the planes that didn’t return were likely hit in the areas without visible damage.”

    She then reiterates what Dyer posted in her clip: “How does this relate to vintage plus-size fashion? The reality is that plus-size garments were often worn more frequently, handed down to younger family members, or altered over time, meaning they simply didn’t survive as well as their smaller counterparts. Unlike smaller garments, which were often stored away and preserved, larger garments had a higher likelihood of being used until they were unwearable.”

    1930s

    On “The Glambassador”‘s YouTube page one person shared a similar bias from the 1930s in the comments, writing, “I have a quilt made in the 1930s by my great-grandmother from the scraps of clothing during the 1930s. She told us that it was cheaper to cut down outgrown childrens’ clothing and make quilt than it was to buy a new blanket at the time. So, yeah, that was also something that happened to clothing at the time – remaking garments into quilts, throws, or even toweling.”

    “Curation is an art form”

    In a 2024 paper for New York University Gallatin School of Individualized Study, one student writer explains that relics of fashion or art in general are not only selection-biased, but often at the whim of the curators. “The priorities within museum curatorship dangerously contribute to our connection with the past by utilizing a limited selection of women’s garments to represent a general population. Curation is an art form. A curator’s choices can shape how visitors understand a topic or time period. Deciding what to display and where to place it creates a narrative of the topic the exhibition delves into, all for visitors to interpret as they explore each piece of art.”

  • Millennial asks Gen Zers what they do for fun, and the answers are surprisingly different
    Every generation has it's own flavor of fun.

    The coming-of-age era known as your twenties are a time for experimentation, branching out, learning about different aspects of yourself, and of course, having stupid fun.

    Of course, every generation‘s definition of fun varies. Just what might Gen Zers, those who navigated their teenhood through TikTok and basically came of drinking age during a global pandemic, do to elicit feelings of fun?

    Millennial content creator Ashley Tea wondered this very thing. In a video that went viral on TikTok in late 2023, she shared “I genuinely think millennials got to have a way better time than Gen Z does.”

    Millennials are already nostalgic about their glory days

    Tea then reminisced about her own experience of being “an emo kid in 2005,” going out to clubs, bars, and restaurants with her friends having a “fun, great, trashy” time.

    That simply wouldn’t be financially feasible in today’s economic landscape, Tea noted, leaving her “mystified” as to how today’s college-age adults might enjoy themselves.

    So again, Tea posed the question: “it’s a Friday night, a Saturday night…What do you do? Where do you go?”

    Gen Z’s answers to this question were eye-opening

    The responses to Tea’s question were illuminating, to say the least, and certainly different than how she spent her early 20s.

    For starters, Tea’s joke about “Gen Zers not having any fun at all” rang true for many people of that age group.

    “As a 23 year old: I don’t have any fun, hope that helps!” quipped one person.

    Another joked, “sometimes I sit outside if I’m feeling extra.”

    gen z, cheap things to do, fun, fun activities, millennials

    One obvious factor behind this is finances. With everything being far more expensive, many Gen Zers simply cannot afford to have a social life that resembles earlier generations.

    “As a 21 year old, the economy makes it difficult to have fun that way, I work 40 hours weekly and I’m either too tired or can’t afford it,” one person wrote.

    Another reason, which isn’t maybe as obvious, is surveillance. Tea noted that a lot of young people said that since either of their “parents can track their phones everywhere,” they are deterred from doing things that could get them into trouble. Perhaps that’s a win for safety, but there is something to be said about excessive levels of control.

    Then of course there’s the pandemic, which sucked the fun out of everything big time

    “I got ROBBED of my early 20s bs COVID started when I was 22 Nwo things are normal but all the good bars and clubs in my area didn’t survive the lockdown,” one person wrote.

    Plus, there’s a lack of third places to gather, leaving very little options beside staying home and scrolling on TikTok.

    So what does Gen Z actually do for fun?

    However, it’s not all gloom and doom, Tea discovered.

    For one thing, Gen Zers don’t “glorify binge drinking” nearly as much as Millennials and Gen Xers. According to recent research, Gen Z is drinking significantly less than previous generations, with nearly two-thirds planning to cut back or abstain entirely.Part of this comes down to Gen Z prioritizing health and wellness more than previous generations, and another part is the cost.

    When Gen Zers do actually have fun, it tends to lean towards more wholesome activities, like house parties (sometimes even themed house parties) and crocheting. Lots and lots crocheting apparently.

    Grocery stores are the new clubs.

    gen z, cheap things to do, fun, fun activities, millennials

    Then there’s self care, which genuinely is fun:

    gen z, cheap things to do, fun, fun activities, millennials

    Love that self care is considered entertainment these days.

    As promised, crocheting and taking care of one’s body are really all the rage with Gen Z:

    gen z, cheap things to do, fun, fun activities, millennials

    Fitness groups are a new way people are finding friends.

    And who doesn’t love a good coffee shop?

    gen z, cheap things to do, fun, fun activities, millennials

    Though of course, hanging out in coffee shops isn’t exactly anything new.

    Gen Z will be just fine

    So maybe things look quite a bit different for Gen Z than Millennials or other generations.

    That’s not entirely a good or bad thing, and it’s definitely to be expected in some ways. The struggle of rising costs and limited opportunities to form connections and have fun are undeniably issues that must be addressed. But the fact that Gen Zers are leaning into their creativity is worth noting too. If nothing else, it makes it clear that even though it might not look like it, there is still fun to be had.

    Now, I wonder what Gen Alpha’s young adult fun will look like in a few year’s time? If their slang is any indicator, it’s going to be weird.

    @damonsharpe

    Gen Alpha Slang the complete guide 🤓 all our viral videos in one! The latest slang at the end! #genalpha #genalphaslang @Charlie Belle

    ♬ Gucci Lemonade – Damon Sharpe & AXON & Kirsten Collins

    We’ll get back to you on that. But, honestly, more power to them.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • Mister Rogers’ crew once pranked him during his opening song. His reaction was so very him.
    Mr. Rogers went to put on his shoes and found they didn't fit.

    Fred Rogers was truly one of humanity’s greats, in every sense that counts most. He wasn’t a titan of industry or a builder of empires. He wasn’t a man of great means or a wielder of political power. He was humble, gentle, and kind. He was a teacher, a learner, and a leader in his own way.

    For generations of children, he was a consistent voice of compassion, curiosity, and caring. He was a calm haven in our television set, a safe space where we always knew we were loved just the way we are.

    And yet he was strong, too, just not in the way we often think of strength. He was a fierce defender of children and a champion of justice. His testimony before Congress about public television totally turned around the sentiments of a senator who was extremely skeptical before Rogers started speaking. He wasn’t forceful and he didn’t yell or cry; he just shared his feelings, indicated his trust in the senator’s conscience, and explained the value of quality children’s television programming in a way that was impossible to disregard.

    Watch:


    No one could deny the wholesome awesomeness of Rogers. He was the real thing, tried and true, through and through and the world misses him greatly.

    He was exactly the same off camera

    It’s quite well known that Rogers was the same man off-screen as he was on his show, and a video of his cast and crew pranking him once during his opening song offers a bit of delightful proof.

    Watch:


    Seriously, he was the most delightful human. His laugh when he sticks his foot in the second shoe. Priceless. His “Thanks ever so much” was epic.

    The internet can’t get enough of this clip

    People have responded to the video on Reddit with gushing praise.

    “Mr. Rogers thanking that man for a delightful practical joke just changed something in me for the better,” wrote one commenter. “Off to go thank my husband for some stuff.”

    “What a magical person that just a clip of him having a laugh is making me well up,” wrote another.

    “My childhood was a scary place but when I turned on Mr. Roger’s, it all disappeared for awhile,” shared another. “Thank you for being a light to so many children. May you Rest In Peace.”

    “An amazing human being and an utterly sweet person,” wrote another. “We should all aspire to be the person Mr. Rogers knew we could be.”

    Indeed, we should.

    Even Candid Camera couldn’t rattle him

    Fred Rogers’ response to the prank was not only a look into his kind and gentle character, but his consistency as well. In a 1998 episode of the prank show, Candid Camera, host Peter Funt played a prank on Rogers and he responded just as kindly and wholesomely as he did before. Rogers is staying in a hotel while attending a PBS conference where he will be the keynote speaker. Hoping to frustrate him, Funt (as a bellhop) relays to Rogers that his room has no TV (that’s the gag!). Instead of responding with annoyance, however, Rogers surprises Funt and viewers by kindly saying he “doesn’t use the television anyway” and has “enough TV in [his] life.”

    The interaction is as sweet and kind as Fred Rogers always was.

    Watch:

    The shoe prank outtake can be found on the Mister Rogers Neighborhood website, which also houses tons of content about the show, the neighbors, the puppets, and Fred Rogers himself. They also upload five full, new episodes every other Monday for fans to enjoy. The first Monday of the month features episodes from the early years (1968-1975), and the third Monday of the month features episodes from the “Theme Weeks” (1979-2001). Fans can also watch Mister Rogers Neighborhood on PBS Kids,Pluto TV, and Prime Video.

    There may be many wonderful people who walk this earth, but there will never be another Fred Rogers. What a precious gift that we have so many hours of him on film to enjoy and share with generations to come.

    This article originally appeared five years ago. It has been updated.

Culture

The real inspiration for ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is far more heartbreaking than the fairytale

Culture

Fashion expert explains why ‘survival bias’ makes it seem like 19th century Victorian gowns were much smaller than they were

Family

Dad discovers his son has pinworms and pediatrician hits him with even worse news

Culture

Millennial asks Gen Zers what they do for fun, and the answers are surprisingly different