+
upworthy
More

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

This article originally appeared on 11.06.15


If you just got married, chances are lots of people think they know what your life is like.

These people are totally well-meaning! And also, mostly wrong.

Being married isn't exactly like it used to be. Which is great, as there are so many different, amazing ways to be newlyweds than ever before. But it's also occasionally frustrating, as we newlyweds are frequently forced to dispel a lot of myths about our relationships.

So let's get them out of the way in one fell swoop.

Here are the most common (but mistaken) assumptions strangers make when you're a newlywed couple, and what our lives are really like.


Assumption #1: We went on our honeymoon already, and we left right after the wedding.

Just like we imagined it. Because we did imagine it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: In our dreams, we definitely did — and we had a great time!

In real life, however, most of us can't just take a week (or more) off work at will. The office is hella busy, and on top of that, we live in the only wealthy country in the world that doesn't mandate any paid vacation. Many of us were barely able to get the day of our actual wedding off (ultimately, we compromised with our manager and took a half-day).

We're planning to get to it ... eventually. But it might be a while. We promise we'll send pictures!

Assumption #2: We're going to have babies ASAP.

Yay?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We love being married! But, you know, we actually haven't decided? About babies? We're just enjoying being married right now. But we'll let you know when it happens. We promise.

Assumption #3: We're going to move out of "the city" one day.

So many cheap noodles, so little time.

Photo by Anthony Quintano/Flickr.

Reality: It makes sense to assume that, like so many newly married couples in generations past, we're already planning our escape from our local metropolis to a less population-dense area TBD. But many of us who live in the city really, really like it! The city is great. There are good schools here. We can get nachos delivered at 3 a.m.! From either the good nacho place or the OK-but-cheap nacho place.

Sure, some of us are planning to one day move to the 'burbs for more space (and many already are), but many of us aren't. And still others of us who already live in the suburbs are making the suburbs more like the city.

Having a yard is really nice, but so is not having car insurance payments.

Assumption #4: We feel superior to our second-cousin Frieda whose boyfriend of 19 years still hasn't proposed.

Look! They seem happy!

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Even though we're feeling pretty good about being married, Frieda and Richard are adults and get to make their own decisions — no matter what Aunt Cindy thinks. Maybe they have financial reasons. Maybe they decided a long time ago they don't want to be married. Maybe they believe marriage is an oppressive, archaic, patriarchal institution that they don't want to participate in, and also they're vegan now.

In any case, leave Frieda and Richard alone.

Assumption #5: We're going to have babies soonish.

Aw?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So, yeah. Like I said. Really haven't decided about babies. Keeping our options open. But probably not soon? You know?

Assumption #6: One of us changed our last name.

Uncanny, really.

Image by Mary Rose Pickett/Sketchport.


Reality: There's totally nothing wrong with couples who decide that one partner will take the other's last name, of course. But not all of us do. At least 1 in every 5 women decide to keep their maiden names, according to a New York Times survey. And if you haven't taken your partner's last name, it's kind of frustrating to constantly hear yourself referred to as Mr./Mrs. Someone Else (for opposite-gender couples, this pretty much applies exclusively to women).

If you're not sure what last name to use, just ask! We'll tell you what the deal is.

Assumption #7: We're having Guinness Book of World Records amounts of sex.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: For those of us who waited to have sex until marriage — which is, of course, totally cool — you might need a supercomputer to tabulate. But lots of us have been together for a long time already and may even have been living together already, so we're probably having whatever amount of sex is normal for us. It's just a regular part of our lives that throwing a wedding doesn't really have a magical impact on.

After many years in a relationship, most of us take "Netflix and chill" quite literally. And seriously.

Assumption #8: We've finished all our thank-you notes.

It. Just. Doesn't. Get. Easier.

Photo by happy_serendipity/Flickr.

Reality: Never. We'll be writing these until the end of time.

Assumption #9: Hanging out with one of us means hanging out with both of us.

You will listen to us talk about our trip to Block Island and you will enjoy it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We're still different people. Each of us is a self-sufficient being with free will. And we're probably totally down to hang out with you, even if our spouse isn't available.

Except you, Greg. We're totally avoiding you.

Assumption #10: We're going to have babies ever.

Bujjy bujjy boo?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So um, like I said, there's actually a chance we might never have babies? We might decide we don't want them after all. We might find out we can't — in which case, these questions might become extremely invasive and painful. We might adopt a child ... who's not a baby. We haven't figured it out yet.

At the end of the day, It's kinda up to us, you know?

Assumption #11: We never use the garlic press you got us.

Such a great gift.

Photo by Lee Kindness/Wikimedia Commons.

Reality: We use it all the time! Thank you so much!

Assumption #12: One of us is going to stay home and take care of the house from here on in.

We will still make the hell out of some lemonade, though.

Photo via iStock.


Reality: Some of us might want to be a housewife or husband. Others of us shudder at the thought of giving up our careers, or urging our spouse to give up theirs. Still others of us might want to, but might not be able to forfeit the second income. There's really no right — or standard — way to do it anymore.

Assumption #13: We both have all the same likes, dislikes, preferences, outlooks, and opinions now.

Missy and I have been getting really into '80s ice dancing.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: My wife will never convince me to like jazz. And I will probably never convince her to like "Captain Phillips" fan fiction. And you know what? We're OK with that.

For the things that matter, we're committed to presenting a united front. But we're still individuals with different thoughts, feelings, and opinions about what Tom Hanks was up to two weeks before the Somali pirates attacked, 'cause honestly, that's where the real drama of the story probably is.

Assumption #14: We wear wedding rings.

Help. Someone glued our hands together. Please call the cops.

Photo by TanyaVdB/Pixabay.

Reality: Some of us like wearing a physical symbol of our connection and duty to our spouse. Some of us don't as much. So we don't wear them. But don't worry! We're still extreme double married 5000.

Assumption #15: Making us a pink cake that says "baby" on it is going to change our mind about babies.

Mmmmmmmm. Nope.

Photo by Frosted with Emotion/Flickr.

Reality: It won't. But we will definitely eat that cake.

Assumption #16: Our lives are a lot different now.

Married or not, we still have three more seasons of "Justified" to get through.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Beginning roughly seven seconds after we say, "I do," lots and lots and lots of well-intentioned people ask: "How does it feel?!" seemingly expecting to hear: "So much has changed! We got matching ponies! Being married really is a whole new world!" It feels like we're disappointing them when we answer, "Pretty much the way we did the day before the wedding." Which is silly, since there's no shame in that.

For some couples, life is a lot different after marriage, and that's great. But if stuff is kinda sorta the same, that's OK too! Life was great before. That's why we decided to get married.

Assumption #17: If we're not going to lay out a precise plan for having babies, at least we'll probably get a pet.

Blah.

Photo by Madalena Provo, used with permission.


Reality: OK. This one is true.










True

Larissa Gummy was first introduced to the work of the Peace Corps in high school. All it took was seeing a few photos shared by her ninth-grade teacher, a returned Peace Corps Volunteer, to know that one day, she would follow in those footsteps.

This inspiration eventually led Larissa away from her home in Minnesota to Rwanda in East Africa, to give back to her family’s country of origin and pursue her passion for international development. Though her decision confused her parents at first, they’re now proud and excited to see what their daughter has accomplished through her volunteer work.

And just what was that work? Well, it changed from day to day, but it all had to do with health.

Mostly, Larissa worked for Rwanda’s First 1,000 Days Health project, which aims to improve the conditions that affect the mortality rate of kids within the first 1,000 days of being born (or almost three years old). These conditions include hygiene, nutrition, and prevention of childhood diseases like malaria and acute respiratory infections (ARI). Addressing malnutrition was a particular focus, as it continues to cause stunted growth in 33% of Rwandan children under the age of five.

In partnership with the local health center, Larissa helped with vaccination education, led nutrition classes, offered prenatal care to expecting mothers, and helped support health education in surrounding communities. Needless to say—she stayed busy with a variety of tasks.

Keep ReadingShow less

The Starkeys' epic dance battel.

Chris Starkey posted a video to Facebook on Monday of himself and his daughter Brooklyn doing a dance-off to Flo Rida's "Low"—and it's unexpectedly awesome. Starkey wrote, "My daughter challenged me to a dance off and said I don't have it anymore. See that closet in the back she is still crying in it!!!" So much silly shade thrown around in this family, it's delightful.

Keep ReadingShow less

Alanya Williams makes tasty meals that don't break the bank.

One of the biggest shopping trends over the past 20 years has been the steady increase in the number of dollar stores across the U.S. According to WWNO, the number of Dollar Generals in the U.S. has nearly tripled since 2004.

Low-cost retail stores have become especially popular as inflation has squeezed shoppers in recent years. Dollar stores are a lifeline for low-income people, but they’re also a sign of economic uncertainty.

The steady growth of these stores has attracted the attention of major grocery store brands that now, instead of sending their cast-off merchandise to dollar retailers, are making specific products to line their shelves. Dollar stores now have more fresh food options to help provide healthier choices for their shoppers.

Keep ReadingShow less
via TechCrunch/Wikimedia Commons and MTV International/Wikimedia Commons

"That '70s Show" stars Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis.

Actor Danny Masterson, 47, best known for playing Steven Hyde on “That ‘70s Show” from 1998 to 2006, was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison for raping two women in the early 2000s. Throughout the trial, prosecutors argued that the Church of Scientology helped cover up the assaults—an allegation the organization denied.

The victim's dramatic, horrifying testimony revealed Masterson as a violent predator who pried women with substances before having sex with them against their will. One accuser admitted that she thought she was “going to die” while being raped by Masterson.

After Masterson was found guilty, the judge received over 50 letters asking for leniency in his sentence. Two letters came from Masterson’s “That ‘70s Show” costars, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, who are married.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pop Culture

Christina Ricci calls out defending 'awesome guys' amid Danny Masterson sentencing

Ricci appeared to be referencing 'That 70's show' costars Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher writing letters in defense of Masterson.

Miguel Discart/Wikipedia, Mingle Media TV/Wikipedia

"Awesome guys can be predators and abusers.”

Following the 30 year sentencing of Danny Masterson, it was revealed that his “That 70s Show” co-stars Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher wrote letters “vouching” for his “remarkable” character.

Kunis and Kutcher were lambasted for defending Masterson, who had been found guilty for raping two anonymous women 20 years ago, and the couple issued a public apology, saying that they had never intended to “undermine the testimony of the victims or re-traumatize them in any way.”

Seemingly in reference to the letters, Christina Ricci, perhaps best known as Wednesday in “The Addams Family”, but also stars in the breakthrough Showtime series “Yellowjackets,” posted an Instagram Story urging folks to remember, that one simple, yet brutal truth:

"Awesome guys can be predators and abusers.”

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

People are ready to throw down for an adorable little girl who just wants her pencil back

You have to hear Taylor tell her story to understand why this travesty of justice went viral.

As the nation helplessly watches our highest halls of government toss justice to the wind, a 2nd grader has given us someplace to channel our frustrations. In a hilarious video rant, a youngster named Taylor shared a story that has folks ready to go to the mat for her and her beloved, pink, perfect attendance pencil.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

Pre-K teacher stays in character while pretending someone is robbing his home and it's perfect

"Honey, I don't see your getaway car, are you sure they're coming to pick you up?"

He managed to get in ton of teacher-isms and also make it clear how little money he has.

Teachers deserve lots of kudos, but teachers who teach little kids deserve an extra measure of admiration.

I know this first hand, having been a middle and high school teacher who substitute taught a first-grade class once for two days. By noon on the first day, I found myself slumped over the teacher's desk in a daze while the kids were at lunch. Teaching tweens and teens isn't easy, but teaching little ones with their relentless needs and squirrel-like attention requires a whole other level of energy.

Pre-K? Can't even imagine. Give those teachers alllll the money. They deserve it.

Of course, preschool teachers do not get all the money, which is why a video from a Pre-K teacher pretending his house is getting robbed keeps going viral.

Keep ReadingShow less