upworthy
Family

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.

Pro tip: Don't ask newlyweds about babies.

17 assumptions modern newlyweds are sick of people making about their marriages.


If you just got married, chances are lots of people think they know what your life is like.

These people are totally well-meaning! And also, mostly wrong.

Being married isn't exactly like it used to be. Which is great, as there are so many different, amazing ways to be newlyweds than ever before. But it's also occasionally frustrating, as we newlyweds are frequently forced to dispel a lot of myths about our relationships.

So let's get them out of the way in one fell swoop.

Here are the most common (but mistaken) assumptions strangers make when you're a newlywed couple, and what our lives are really like.

Assumption #1: We went on our honeymoon already, and we left right after the wedding.

Just like we imagined it. Because we did imagine it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: In our dreams, we definitely did — and we had a great time!

In real life, however, most of us can't just take a week (or more) off work at will. The office is hella busy, and on top of that, we live in the only wealthy country in the world that doesn't mandate any paid vacation. Many of us were barely able to get the day of our actual wedding off (ultimately, we compromised with our manager and took a half-day).

We're planning to get to it ... eventually. But it might be a while. We promise we'll send pictures!

Assumption #2: We're going to have babies ASAP.

Yay?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We love being married! But, you know, we actually haven't decided? About babies? We're just enjoying being married right now. But we'll let you know when it happens. We promise.

Assumption #3: We're going to move out of "the city" one day.

So many cheap noodles, so little time.

Photo by Anthony Quintano/Flickr.

Reality: It makes sense to assume that, like so many newly married couples in generations past, we're already planning our escape from our local metropolis to a less population-dense area TBD. But many of us who live in the city really, really like it! The city is great. There are good schools here. We can get nachos delivered at 3 a.m.! From either the good nacho place or the OK-but-cheap nacho place.

Sure, some of us are planning to one day move to the 'burbs for more space (and many already are), but many of us aren't. And still others of us who already live in the suburbs are making the suburbs more like the city.

Having a yard is really nice, but so is not having car insurance payments.

Assumption #4: We feel superior to our second-cousin Frieda whose boyfriend of 19 years still hasn't proposed.

Look! They seem happy!

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Even though we're feeling pretty good about being married, Frieda and Richard are adults and get to make their own decisions — no matter what Aunt Cindy thinks. Maybe they have financial reasons. Maybe they decided a long time ago they don't want to be married. Maybe they believe marriage is an oppressive, archaic, patriarchal institution that they don't want to participate in, and also they're vegan now.

In any case, leave Frieda and Richard alone.

Assumption #5: We're going to have babies soonish.

Aw?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So, yeah. Like I said. Really haven't decided about babies. Keeping our options open. But probably not soon? You know?

Assumption #6: One of us changed our last name.

Uncanny, really.

Image by Mary Rose Pickett/Sketchport.


Reality: There's totally nothing wrong with couples who decide that one partner will take the other's last name, of course. But not all of us do. At least 1 in every 5 women decide to keep their maiden names, according to a New York Times survey. And if you haven't taken your partner's last name, it's kind of frustrating to constantly hear yourself referred to as Mr./Mrs. Someone Else (for opposite-gender couples, this pretty much applies exclusively to women).

If you're not sure what last name to use, just ask! We'll tell you what the deal is.

Assumption #7: We're having Guinness Book of World Records amounts of sex.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: For those of us who waited to have sex until marriage — which is, of course, totally cool — you might need a supercomputer to tabulate. But lots of us have been together for a long time already and may even have been living together already, so we're probably having whatever amount of sex is normal for us. It's just a regular part of our lives that throwing a wedding doesn't really have a magical impact on.

After many years in a relationship, most of us take "Netflix and chill" quite literally. And seriously.

Assumption #8: We've finished all our thank-you notes.

It. Just. Doesn't. Get. Easier.

Photo by happy_serendipity/Flickr.

Reality: Never. We'll be writing these until the end of time.

Assumption #9: Hanging out with one of us means hanging out with both of us.

You will listen to us talk about our trip to Block Island and you will enjoy it.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: We're still different people. Each of us is a self-sufficient being with free will. And we're probably totally down to hang out with you, even if our spouse isn't available.

Except you, Greg. We're totally avoiding you.

Assumption #10: We're going to have babies ever.

Bujjy bujjy boo?

Photo via iStock.

Reality: So um, like I said, there's actually a chance we might never have babies? We might decide we don't want them after all. We might find out we can't — in which case, these questions might become extremely invasive and painful. We might adopt a child ... who's not a baby. We haven't figured it out yet.

At the end of the day, It's kinda up to us, you know?

Assumption #11: We never use the garlic press you got us.

Such a great gift.

Photo by Lee Kindness/Wikimedia Commons.

Reality: We use it all the time! Thank you so much!

Assumption #12: One of us is going to stay home and take care of the house from here on in.

We will still make the hell out of some lemonade, though.

Photo via iStock.


Reality: Some of us might want to be a housewife or husband. Others of us shudder at the thought of giving up our careers, or urging our spouse to give up theirs. Still others of us might want to, but might not be able to forfeit the second income. There's really no right — or standard — way to do it anymore.

Assumption #13: We both have all the same likes, dislikes, preferences, outlooks, and opinions now.

Missy and I have been getting really into '80s ice dancing.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: My wife will never convince me to like jazz. And I will probably never convince her to like "Captain Phillips" fan fiction. And you know what? We're OK with that.

For the things that matter, we're committed to presenting a united front. But we're still individuals with different thoughts, feelings, and opinions about what Tom Hanks was up to two weeks before the Somali pirates attacked, 'cause honestly, that's where the real drama of the story probably is.

Assumption #14: We wear wedding rings.

Help. Someone glued our hands together. Please call the cops.

Photo by TanyaVdB/Pixabay.

Reality: Some of us like wearing a physical symbol of our connection and duty to our spouse. Some of us don't as much. So we don't wear them. But don't worry! We're still extreme double married 5000.

Assumption #15: Making us a pink cake that says "baby" on it is going to change our mind about babies.

Mmmmmmmm. Nope.

Photo by Frosted with Emotion/Flickr.

Reality: It won't. But we will definitely eat that cake.

Assumption #16: Our lives are a lot different now.

Married or not, we still have three more seasons of "Justified" to get through.

Photo via iStock.

Reality: Beginning roughly seven seconds after we say, "I do," lots and lots and lots of well-intentioned people ask: "How does it feel?!" seemingly expecting to hear: "So much has changed! We got matching ponies! Being married really is a whole new world!" It feels like we're disappointing them when we answer, "Pretty much the way we did the day before the wedding." Which is silly, since there's no shame in that.

For some couples, life is a lot different after marriage, and that's great. But if stuff is kinda sorta the same, that's OK too! Life was great before. That's why we decided to get married.

Assumption #17: If we're not going to lay out a precise plan for having babies, at least we'll probably get a pet.

Blah.

Photo by Madalena Provo, used with permission.


Reality: OK. This one is true.


This article originally appeared on 11.06.15









From Your Site Articles
newlyweds
Joy

A woman accidentally said, 'Love you!' to an important client. His response was perfect.

He even followed up with a heartwarming e-mail.

Photo credit: Canva

Saying "I love you!" by accident is one of life's most cringe moments.

For many of us, telling our friends and family that we love them is second nature. Every time someone leaves the house, "Love you!" Before bed at night, "Love you!" Getting off a call with them, "Love you!"

That's all well and good until that sweetly ingrained habit spills over into your work life. Especially when you're talking to an important client, where the boundaries of professional conduct are particularly important to uphold. (Do you feel the cringe coming?)

I Love You Elf GIF by MOODMANGiphy

A woman shared an oh-so-human story about absent-mindedly telling a client she loved him, and his thoughtful response has people cheering.

"Accidentally said 'Love you!' at the end of a call with an important client yesterday," wrote a Reddit user. "I heard him giggle as I hung up, and I was mortified. Today, I saw he emailed me this:"

The email began, "Hey—Just wanted to say that I didn't mean to laugh at you when you accidentally signed off on our call with a 'love you.' I just found it funny because I've definitely done that before, and I know it happens."

Okay, phew, he understood that the laughing was mortifying and he wasn't bothered by the "love you." But then he added the absolute best thing he could have said about the situation:

"I'm glad you have enough love in your life that that response comes naturally. If anything, you should be proud of that. :)"

Then he mercifully resumed their professional conversation. "Have a great weekend! We'll follow up about my call with Chris on Wednesday, as discussed."

embarrassing story, saying I love you on accident, workplace stories, professional communication"Love you!" Oops.Photo credit: Canva

He didn't just ignore the elephant in the room and let it hang over her like an awkward cloud. He put her at ease, letting her know he's done it before and it happens and is no big deal. But then he took it a step further, adding a deeper human layer to the moment by acknowledging the fact that the words flowing so automatically and easily for her meant she was surrounded by love.

The client's emotional intelligence and thoughtful response warmed people's hearts.

"What a great and respectful response. He is completely right, it’s such a beautiful thing to have that much love in your life that it comes out naturally."

"You work with good people."

"Honestly, this made my day 😂 It's so wholesome how they responded. Shows that a little kindness (even accidental) always leaves a good impression!"

"Such a classy response. Made you feel at ease while staying professional and moving the conversation forward."

"Green flags from that client."

Green Flag GIF by The Last Talk ShowGiphy

People also shared their own similar experiences with blurting out accidental "love you"s and it was a veritable love-fest:

"I told my supervisor I loved her at the end of our weekly touch point call - she chuckled and said she loved me too. We shared a good laugh. I am happy to see empathy from a random human, it is much needed."

"I said 'love you' to my new boss at labcorp when she called me to tell me I passed my drug test. Same thing, hanging up, not thinking, she gave me my results and my start date to come in for orientation and I ended the call with 'bye love you!'"

"Back in the day I straight up called one of my bosses mom. It was so embarrassing I almost died."

"A surprising number of people have done this at least once. Happens when you’re distracted and tired. My ex husband (a prosecutor) accidentally ended a phone call with 'I love you' when talking to a rural county sheriff in the middle of the night."

Embarrassed Hide GIF by florGiphy

"I had a coworker say 'love you,' just as we were about to hang up. There was an awkward pause, clearly neither of us had hung up, then he added, 'Don’t tell my wife.' We both laughed and finally disconnected."

"I did that with my ex husband last Thursday, we both burst out laughing lol. Happily we get along great and he and his fiancée are attending my wedding next week."

"Was on phone with my boss right after he had called his wife. He ended the call with "love you." Had so much fun telling him that while I cared for him, I didn't think it was love."

Embarrassing moments don't have to ruin your day—in fact, when handled like this client, they can turn into beautiful moments of human connection. This kind of relatability, empathy, and emotional intelligence makes us all feel better about our shared humanity, oopsies and all.

From Your Site Articles
humanity
Fatherhood

People are praising this dad for the unforgettable way he responds to his son's act of violence

"My husband is raising a boy and prepping him to be a man one day."

Image via Canva

Dad gently explains to son why hitting others is bad.

Present fathers are a gift to kids, especially sons. One father is making his presence and guidance a priority in teaching his son about regulating his emotions when it comes to anger.

TikTok family The Fitts' (@jissel_fitts), made up of husband and wife duo Aaron and Jissell and their two children, shared an emotional video with their followers capturing a conversation between father and son. As he speaks to him, Aaron holds his little boy's head in his hands after learning he hit someone. Rather than explosively yell or demean him for hitting, Aaron calmly explains why it is not okay and how to recognize and manage his emotions better.

"This is what every little boy needs, a father to teach them about emotions," Jissell captioned the post. "As a mother, I wanted to step in but I have to constantly remind myself my husband is raising a boy and prepping him to become a man on day."

@jissel_fitts

#fyp #fypage #f #fatherson #dadsoftiktok #dadlife #blackfathers #blackfatherhood #fatherhood #breakingcycles

In the video, Aaron tells his son, "You have to learn how to control your emotions. Just because you're upset don't mean you get to hit. Do you understand?" he says. His son is visibly upset, but calmly listens to him and nods his head.

He continues, "You can't hit people because you're angry. That's a part of growing up, man. You can't just be mad because somebody said something you don't like. You hear me? Daddy was just trying to tell you."

As he explains to his son, the father strokes his head, offering physical reassurance and comfort with zero yelling. He makes constant eye contact with his son, who responds to his gentle demeanor by listening intently.

Viewers are impressed with this dad's approach.

"not all dads are calm, patient, verbal like this 😭 love this for him 🖤," one wrote.

"I love the fathers of this generation instead of telling him to man up he explains and lets his little boy have his moment of tears."

Another viewer commented, "This is so needed! Instead of yelling and demeaning words."

Another viewer pointed out, "notice how the little baby is playing his dads beard while being disciplined 😭💖 shows he feels safe w him and he’s really listening."

Others praised the mother: "The mother saying she’s not stepping in is the BEST PART!!! Let the men RAISE their boys!!!" one wrote. Another commented, "Us women, we raise our babies, our husbands, they raise men."

@jissel_fitts

#fyp #fypage #f #fatherson #dadsoftiktok #dadlife #blackfathers #blackfatherhood #fatherhood #breakingcycles

Jissell also responded to people sharing about their struggles. One viewer wrote, "I wish I had this growing up pops wasn’t around mom had to work you guys know how to go 🤦🏾♂️😩." And Jissell replied, "Growing up in my household we weren’t allowed to express ourselves we got in trouble for it 🥹."

Another shared, "Not all boys have a father like this not all boys have an active present, loving father that’s going to be like this. Some of us mothers have to be the mother and the father to our boys💯 & that’s Ok." Jissell responded, "My husband was raised by a single mom so yes it’s possible ❤️."

Regardless of their upbringings, Jissell and Aaron are choosing to parent their children differently.

From Your Site Articles
son
Family

Mom gives a tour of her typical 'middle-class home' and it's exactly what people needed

"There is just so much pressure on social media to be perfect."

@steph_murphy/TikTok

Stephanie Murphy shares her "average" home in viral TikTok video.

Sure, it’s lovely to see pristine, perfectly curated homes that look like they belong in Architectural Digest. A little inspo never hurt anyone. But as we all know, the spotless life is simply not an achievable reality, especially for those with busy lives and limited budgets (read: most of us).

But you know what? Maybe even the messy homes deserve some love. The ones with constant junk piles, unfinished projects, dirty dishes, and misplaced toys. The homes that will never grace the cover of a magazine but still do a wonderful job of containing all the moments life has to offer—the big, small, extraordinary, mundane, and everywhere in between. 'Cause at the end of the day, isn’t that a home’s true purpose anyway?


@stephsharesitall

Lets normalize “average” because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and its hard not to compare yours to them. But its not the norm and half the time its staged. Our house is lived in, and its filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day thats all that matters.

Stephanie Murphy, a mom and TikTok creator, seems to think so. Murphy recently took viewers on an “average house tour,” and it was the exact opposite of aspirational. Highlighted in Murphy’s tour are the pantry door that’s remained unpainted for three years, blinds held together with binder clips, air conditioners held in place by duct tape, a full dish rack tray that’s “a permanent fixture” on their countertops, and not one but two junk drawers (honestly, that’s a little low by my count). You’ll also notice a fridge that is covered in her kid’s artwork and school pictures. Not in any cohesive way, but merely thrown on randomly, as nature intended.

Meanwhile, in the master bedroom, Murphy and her husband’s bed have two separate blankets because neither of them like to share. A genius idea, and just another example of how we really, really don’t need to continue with marital sleeping norms that don’t actually feel comfortable.

As for why Murphy decided to showcase her “average, middle-class house,” it’s all in the caption of her video: “Let’s normalize ‘average’ because there is nothing wrong with it. Everywhere you look on social media, you see big gorgeous houses in perfect condition and it’s hard not to compare yours to them. But it’s not the norm and half the time it's staged. Our house is lived in, and it’s filled with love and tons of memories and at the end of the day that's all that matters."

She further explained her reasoning to Good Morning America. "I feel like social media is full of one perfectly curated video after another, and there is just so much pressure from social media to be perfect in all aspects -- to have perfect skin, perfect makeup, perfect outfit, perfect house. And the reality is no one's perfect," Murphy said.

"Honestly, I feel like there's a very good chance that all those videos that we see were staged and they probably like, moved a pile of toys behind the camera to film and then moved it back when they were done. But that's the part that people on social media just aren't sharing. They don't show you the behind-the-scenes and that is what I was looking to change," she continued.


Judging from the comments sections of this now-viral post, it seems like other people are ready for more average content.

“This is awesome! I’m constantly feeling inadequate when people have a perfect house that looks like nobody lives there!” one person wrote. “I feel seen,” added another.

Hear, hear. No need to feel inadequate about having a home that’s lived in. Imperfection has its own kind of beauty.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles
homes
Joy

It's just sweater holes being mended by hand, but people can't look away

It's like watching a magic trick.

Photo credit: Canva

Knowing how to properly darn holes in sweaters is a useful skill.

For most of human history, people had to make their own clothing by hand, and sewing skills were subsequently passed down from generation to generation. Because clothing was so time-consuming and labor-intensive to make, people also had to know how to repair clothing items that got torn or damaged in some way.

The invention of sewing and knitting machines changed the way we acquire clothing, and the skills people used to possess have largely gone by the wayside. If we get a hole in a sock nowadays, we toss it and replace it. Most of us have no idea how to darn a sock or fix a hole in any knit fabric. Unfortunately, it's far easier for us to replace than to repair.

mending a sock, darning socks, darning sweater, fixing a hole in a sweater, knittingMost of us don't darn socks anyomore.Photo credit: Canva

But there are still some among us who do have the skills to repair clothing in a way that makes it look like the rip, tear or hole never happened, and to watch them do it is mesmerizing.

Videos of people stitching holes in knit sweaters have gone viral on social media with millions of views on simple, 2-minute demonstrations. Why? Well, you just have to see it in action.

One video begins by showing a hole in a light pink knit sweater. Using a needle, yarn and a tiny latch hook device, the person demonstrates how to fill the hole to make it look as if it never existed in the first place. Putting a patch over a hole is one thing, but this is something akin to magic.

Watch:

- YouTubeyoutube.com

Wow, right?

Another video begins by showing a hole in a gray knit sweater, but this time a yellow yarn is used to patch the hole so you can see clearly what was done. It looks so simple, but you really do have to know what you're doing to make this magic work.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What we're witnessing here is a combo of knowledge and experience in the fiber arts, of course, but what it looks like is sheer sorcery or some kind of really complicated calculus problem. Who figured out how to do this? And why is it so satisfying to watch?

"I watched this whole video and I still don’t know how you did that," shared one commenter. (Right?!)

"Hey that was pretty neat," wrote another. "Can you do the ozone layer next?" (Ha.)

"I could watch it a hundred times and still not be able to do this," wrote another. (Uh, same.)

"My toxic trait is thinking I can do this 😂😂😂," shared another. (Maybe after watching it two hundred times.)

Many people found it oddly soothing to watch, perhaps because seeing something being fixed is indeed satisfying and perhaps because it harkens back to a simpler time when people spent their evenings doing things like this around the fire.

The music helps, too. This video demonstrates three different ways to mend sweater holes and the piano practically lulls you into a meditative state while you watch. Is this fiber arts therapy for those of us who don't sew or knit or crochet? Maybe so. Whatever works, right?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Kudos to those who are keeping these kinds of skills alive and sharing them with the world. We may not be passing this kind of knowledge down in most families anymore, but at least we have the internet to help us if we really want to learn it.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

From Your Site Articles
life skills
Pets

After no one showed up for a puppy's first birthday party strangers on the Internet stepped in

"I love how they posted the flyers at different heights. One for the dogs and one for the humans."

Photo by Hedi Alija on Unsplash

Party of one for dog's birthday.

Decades after the trend first emerged, people are still debating whether dog birthday parties are cool or "too extra." One woman on TikTok threw her tiny one-year-old puppy, Angel, a party and claimed no one came. In response, she received nearly 30,000 comments from people expressing their sadness that such an adorable puppy looked so distraught. They followed up with thousands of birthday wishes and heart emojis. (Turns out that Angel, who's a Brussels Griffon, has over 700,000 followers and her own manager, so she seems to be doing okay.)


dogs, birthday parties, birthday, pups, dog birthdayThree dogs wearing party hats. Photo by Pawtography Perth on Unsplash


Tons of people online have opinions about whether hound parties should even exist. An OP on Quora asked, "Why do pet owners throw birthday parties for their pets?" One commenter kept it simple: "Because it’s fun. That’s why. Dogs have about the same mental functioning as a toddler when it comes to navigating interactions with human beings. Do you think a baby has any clue what’s going on when you throw a 1st birthday party? Probably not, but you can see it brings them joy and you enjoy it too, so why not?"


@angelpawspups

Nobody came to his birthday 😞💔🎂 #sad #sadvideo #dog #dogparty #birthday #dogbirthday #puppy #brusselsgriffon


As for the logistics of it all, in the subreddit r/dogs, a Redditor posted: "Dog birthday party help: We adopted our good boy 3 years ago next week and we want to have a little party in our backyard with neighborhood dogs. Any tips or ideas on how to make it fun and keep it safe/contained?"

A commenter had excellent advice as to only having well-behaved dogs in attendance: "Hand out invitations with your pup in tow, to neighbors as they walk their dogs, and assess any behavioral incompatibilities before even mentioning anything."

And this wisdom was aimed at helping alleviate a dog-mob mentality when it came to treats: "You could do goodie bags for people to take as they leave, tied in a poop bag."


@lelepons

Happy Birthday my baby Toby 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

While some seemed adverse to the idea, more and more people are embracing their canine hoe-downs, whether it's an actual birthday or a "gotcha" day, for those lucky rescue animals out there. Recently, in the subreddit r/aww, someone posted a flyer of a puppy in a red party hat, with the caption, "Wuff, wuff, wuff, arf, woof, woof, ruff." A date and time followed by more woofs, arfs, and ruffs, then "nom nom (cake!) Come! Bark less…Maybe." As someone who's fluent in "dog," I can tell you that's a solid invite to what sounds like an off-the-chain party.

This post already has over 50,000 upvotes and nearly a thousand comments. Even more exciting, people actually went to the party and posted some photos in the Reddit thread. An amazing time seemed to be had by all!

gif, dogs, dog birthday party, birthday, party, party hatsHappy Birthday GIFGiphy

Days before the event, one eagle-eyed viewer had a compliment for the flyer itself. "I love how they posted the flyers at different heights. One for the dogs and one for the humans."

Another viewer had excellent advice for those searching for a companion on say, Tinder: "Are you single? I have a strong vibe if you go you are going to meet someone that you will really want to know." Not sure if they meant a dog-friend or a human-companion, but, either way, hopefully it all panned out.

From Your Site Articles
dogs
Trending Stories