The Ridiculous Future Awfulness That Hobby Lobby And The Supreme Court Have Created

Adam Mordecai Curated by

Hobby Lobby is suing for the right to prevent their health insurance from covering things like birth control. The Supreme Court (as of March 2014) is hearing oral arguments on the matter. So here's a fake clip from the future to explain why this just might be a bad idea.

Update 6/30/14: Well, the Supreme Court went ahead and declared that privately held corporations are religious people. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote a scathing dissent of the decision, saying, "The absence of such precedent is just what one would expect, for the exercise of religion is characteristic of natural persons, not artificial legal entities."

Obviously, it won't go to this cartoonish extreme, but the point is clear. And awful.

If you want to help keep your friends' lady parts away from corporate intervention, you could Like Lady Parts Justice on Facebook. And maybe share this?

Transcript:
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A local legal expert says the Hobby Lobby contraceptive case currently before the U.S. Supreme Court could end up allowing employers to base employees’ pay and benefits on the employer’s religious beliefs. The…

Corporations don’t have religious beliefs. That shit ain’t gonna fly.

…Hobby Lobby, based in Oklahoma City is owned by a family of evangelical Christians. They say the Obamacare requirement that employees’ health insurance…

[multiple speakers]

It’s been two years now since the Supreme Court affirmed that the craft store Hobby Lobby could impose its religious views on employees when it comes to their insurance plans. So on this anniversary, we talked to three other business owners about how they’ve applied the law in their own way.

Fast food giant, Chik Fellate, has spent the past two years expanding their Christian health care plans for employees.

I was actually able to get the therapy I really needed, you know. And I actually admitted myself into a 28-day inpatient gay conversion treatment with no deductible.

Wow.

Yeah.

Do you thing that a lot of the employees needed that kind of treatment?

Yeah, yeah, you know, just thousands of people just went down the road of just being so…

Gay?

Gay, yeah, gay.

That is quite a success story.

Oh, thank you so much!

Frank Tisdale, president and CEO of White Linens n’ Things, takes his faith very seriously, and has tailor-made his insurance plan to fit White Linens n’ Things’s specific religious beliefs.

White Linens n’ Things has its roots in a Baptist adjacent tradition that focuses on the biblical teachings of ethnic purity. So now, thanks to the Hobby Lobby decision, all of our employees are required to have birth control who engage in interracial relationships.

But when I talked to Bob Lacey, president of Huge Rack Ribs, he reminded me Hobby Lobby was not the only case challenging the Affordable Care Act.

This case, this case doesn’t affect us at all. We’re much more focused on a case we’d like to bring. We’re hoping the Supreme Court will hear our mammogram-only challenge to the ACA case. Huge Rack v. Sebelius.

So you would like to cover nothing but mammograms in your health care plan.

Mammograms, that’s it.

And, is that based on a religious belief?

Well, God is in everything. And our lawyers, think we got a good shot.

So there you have it. Many employers doing many different things when it comes to how they’re re-implementing their health care plans. I’ll be back at six to talk about President…

[multiple speakers]

…lawmakers and corporations alike wondering how the next lawsuit against the Affordable Care Act will play out. I’ll be back at six to talk about President Cruz and his first 100 days.

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There may be small errors in this transcript.

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