There are many reasons why most of us struggle with self-doubt, and much of it has nothing to do with our own choices. Self-doubt is often a symptom of being raised by hypercritical parents, and it can also be caused by trauma or bullying in school.
For others, self-doubt can stem from negative self-talk, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, or good old-fashioned overthinking. Self-doubt can severely limit how we show up in the world by preventing us from pursuing our dreams, taking chances, and reaching our full potential.
How to overcome self-doubt
In a recent appearance on The Mel Robbins Podcast, Dr. Shadé Zahrai explained how a clear acknowledgment of our doubts, paired with a simple practice, can help us become more self-assured and confident. Zahrai is a former lawyer who transitioned into a self-leadership expert, researcher, and author of Big Trust.
Step 1: Acknowledge your doubts
It all began with a big question from Robbins: “How do you accept yourself when you don’t like yourself?”
The first step, according to Zahrai, is to clearly acknowledge our self-doubt.
“The first one is that you need to acknowledge that until you accept yourself, nothing will change,” Zahrai said. “A lot of people don’t actually want to acknowledge their fears because they’re afraid that they’ll make them real.”
Zahrai is on point with her advice here, as the influential psychologist Carl Jung once said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Psychologists call this practice emotional labeling. Putting our feelings into words can reduce activity in parts of the brain associated with fear and increase activity in areas linked to emotional regulation. Dr. Daniel Siegel calls this the “Name it to tame it” strategy.
Step 2: Write a “care less” list
“What you’re gonna do is grab a sheet of paper divided into two columns. On the left, I want you to write down all the things you want to care less about,” Zahrai said. “‘I want to care less about my physical appearance. I want to care less about what people in the street think of me when I walk by. I want to care less about what my family keep saying about my acne or my weight, or how I look.’”
Step 3: Write a “care more” list
“The next step is, ‘okay, what do I wanna care more about? What do I actually want to shift my attention to?’ Because attention is such a superpower. If we’re not aware of it, we’re going to be stuck in patterns that keep us stuck. But if we can become more aware of it, be a bit more curious about how we’re thinking,” Zahrai said. “This is called metacognition. It’s the ability to think about your thoughts. And it is a fundamental superpower, cause the moment you start thinking about your thoughts, you’re no longer in your thoughts.”
A 2025 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that people with healthy self-esteem are better at “decentering,” or stepping back to view negative thoughts more objectively. Therefore, learning to use metacognition can boost mental health and emotional resilience in people with low self-esteem.
Ultimately, Zahrai’s advice is to clearly identify what you don’t want and focus on what you do. Once we have a clear roadmap for where we want to go and what we want to leave behind, the journey becomes much easier than fighting against the things we’re afraid to confront.
