For kids who get separation anxiety, sleepunder might be a great alternative.
Sleepovers are a subject that parents and even experts can’t seem to agree on.
On the one hand, they are seen as opportunities for children to develop independence away from home and create core memories with friends—all the while giving parents some possible quiet time.
On the other hand, the “no sleepover rule” is becoming increasingly popular, as the boundary helps to avoid separation anxiety or thrusting kids into potentially risky, even dangerous environments.
But for parents who want the best of both worlds…the “sleepunder” might be the perfect solution.
So, what exactly is a sleepunder?
Sleepunders are sleepover without actually sleeping over.
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Essentially, a sleepunder, aka “lateover,” is a sleepover, minus actually sleeping over. Kids can still show up in their pajamas, eat snacks, watch movies and play games, all those fun sleepover activities…only when it’s time to go to sleep, parents will pick the kids up so that they can sleep in their own bed at home.
Have to admit—hearing this option immediately puts 10-year-old me, an introverted only child who considered sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own to be torture, at ease.
According to Erica Komisar, a New York-based psychoanalyst, parenting expert and author, this feeling that I had is certainly not unique.
"Some kids can do sleepovers without any hesitation, while others are less comfortable changing their routine," she told Fox News, saying that sleepunders are a great way of addressing this very real sensitivity that some kids experience in a way that doesn’t compromise having fun or bonding in groups.
Sleepunders can be a great way to transition into actual sleepovers.
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While interviewing with Good Morning America, parenting expert Erika Souter added that sleepunders could be a “great option for parents who don’t culturally understand or agree with the idea of a sleepover.”
“For a lot of people it’s something that they never did or their parents didn't let them do so this is a really good compromise,” she said.
So, in essence, sleepunders could be a great solution to easing both a kid’s and their parent’s potential anxiety.
So, in essence, sleepunders could be a great solution to easing both a kid’s and their parent’s potential anxiety.
As for how to establish a sleepunder routine, Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, Inc., has some tips that she provided to Motherly, and a lot of her advice boils down to being firm and clear in your plan, both to other parents, and your child.
Perhaps most importantly, Fitzgerald encourages parents to create a family “safe word,” just in case their child might feel uncomfortable and want to leave early. This is a way to clearly communicate without potentially causing embarrassment.
Parenting is a constant balancing act between protecting kids and allowing them freedom to explore. Sleepunders might not work for everyone, but it’s a great example of creative solutions to striking that balance.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
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Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."