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34-year-old man is learning to read on TikTok in series of motivational videos

His reading skills have improved so much that he plans to read 100 books this year.

oliver james tiktok, booktok, illiteracy in adults
@oliverspeaks1/TikTok

Oliver James is the biggest star on BookTok.

With over 125,000 followers, 34-year-old Oliver James is a star in the BookTok community. And it all started with a very simple goal: Learn to read.

For most kids, school is a place where they can develop a relationship with learning in a safe environment. For James, school was the opposite. Growing up with learning and behavior disabilities subjected him to abusive teaching practices in special education, which, of course, did nothing to help.

"The special education system at the time was more focused on behavioral than educating," he told Good Morning America. "So they spent a lotta time restraining us, a lotta time disciplining us, a lotta times putting us in positions to kinda shape us to just not act out in class."

Reading struggles carried over into James’ adulthood, and as is the case for many adults who are functionally illiterate, it significantly reduced his employment opportunities and affected his self-esteem. As he would tell you, even a trip to the grocery store would be a source of anxiety.

@oliverspeaks1 Even something as simple as grocery shopping is a challenge for me. #readingbooks #books #booktok #groceryshopping ♬ original sound - Oliver James

However, when he and his girlfriend decided to expand their family of three, James became determined to change things.

Starting his journey with a book of inspirational quotes gifted by his girlfriend, James began reading bits out loud and posting to TikTok. Being a personal trainer by trade and an aspiring motivational speaker, he would often combine his interests, like practicing planks while reading thought-provoking excerpts.

@oliverspeaks1 Motivational speaker to be. Learning to read. #motivationalspeaker #handstand ♬ Pieces (Solo Piano Version) - Danilo Stankovic

With his heartfelt honesty and exuberant personality, it’s no surprise that he has grown a loyal following. Fans will often send James more books to read in hopes for one of his popular book reviews. In fact, James has such an overwhelming to-read list that he's had to build his first bookshelf.

But perhaps the biggest impact has been the way reading has shaped James’ relationship with his son. In an interview with NPR, he shared that they've not only bonded over books like “Percy Jackson” and “The Witches,” but reading has proven to be a great resource for mental health, which has helped James become a better parent.

@oliverspeaks1 Replying to @thenerdysswer thank you for sending me the book the witches my son picked it to read and that was very special to our family. ##booktok##readmorebooks ♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys - Kevin MacLeod & Kevin The Monkey

“I didn't know how much my journey was going to affect him, but I see now it's not even about the reading. The books I'm reading have taught me about my mental issues, which I can now not put on to him. I can actually work on them, so he doesn't end up with the mental issues I have, because I can take them out of my household because I'm working on them. Without these books, I might have shown him these mental problems,” he told NPR.

James’ new goal is to read 100 new titles by 2024—ambitious for any bookworm in this day and age. But this man has already shown himself and the world just what can be done with simple daily practice and a dash of hope.

If you’d like to support James on his reading journey, you can purchase something from his Amazon Wishlist here.

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A 3-word method can help you make relaxed small talk that doesn't feel like an interview

Injecting some personality can make things a lot more fun.

via Canva/Photos

A man and woman chatting over some wine.

A lot of people are uncomfortable making small talk, but it’s an essential skill that can make or break your love life, career, and social experiences. Many people believe that being good at chatting with others is something innate, but those who excel at it work at their craft and pick up small tips along the way to become better communicators.

One of the tricks that all great communicators know is that you will be more likable when you're more interested than interesting. Study after study shows that people love talking about themselves, and if you ask people more questions, they will like you a lot more than if you did all the talking. So, how do we do this without creating a one-sided conversation where your conversation partner learns nothing about you? The folks at the Science of People have shared the statement-plus question technique.

The statement-plus technique

“One of the smoothest ways to keep conversation flowing is to share a brief personal statement followed by a question,” the Science of People writes. “This technique accomplishes two things: it gives the other person information about you (making you seem more approachable and interesting) while also redirecting focus to them.”

small talk, conversation, office party, people talking, wine Coworkers having a nice conversation.via Canva/Photos

Here are some examples:

Instead of asking “What do you do for work?” say:

“I’m a writer for Upworthy, and I enjoy seeing my work read by millions of people. What excites you about your job?”

Instead of asking, “Where do you live?” try:

“I live in Long Beach, California, and it’s really nice living by the ocean. What do you love the most about where you live?”

Instead of asking, “How do you know the person who threw the party?” say:

“I met Sarah at a church meeting seven years ago. Do you remember the first time you met her?”

These questions enable you to discuss yourself while maintaining the focus on the other person. They are also open-ended, so you don’t just get a one-word answer. You learn their job and what excites them about it. You know where they live, and they get to brag about what they like about the city. The technique also broadens the conversation because, according to the psychological phenomenon known as reciprocal self-disclosure, people are more likely to disclose things about themselves after you share something about yourself.

- YouTube youtu.be

What is reciprocal self-disclosure?

“The most likely result of your self-disclosure is that other people will do the same. In the field of communication, we refer to this as 'reciprocity.' When you share information about yourself, the most likely result is that people will start to disclose a similar type of information from their own lives," communication coach Alexander Lyon says. "In our presentations, we talk about this as a magic wand. Disclosure is the closest thing we have to a magic wand in terms of a concept in communication. When you disclose, other people almost automatically reciprocate."

Ultimately, people love to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity, they will like you more for it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t reveal some aspects of yourself at the same time while keeping the focus on them. The statement-plus question technique allows you to reveal some things about yourself while making the other person feel seen and comfortable telling you more about themselves. It’s sure to elevate your small talk to something more substantial in a relaxed way that doesn’t feel like an interview.

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Teacher caught on camera showing up to her middle school at 10pm in a bonnet and pajamas

Adults have anxiety the night before a big test, too.

@misswinans_teach/TikTok

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear a bonnet and PJs.

While we often think of test day as purely a stressful day for students, teachers definitely feel the pressure too. Just take middle school teacher Sarah Ashley Winans’ word for it.

Winans recently went viral on TikTok after sharing a video of herself entering the school she works at in the middle of the night, decked out in her pajamas and a bonnet. No, this wasn’t a bizarre episode of sleepwalking—Winans woke up from her pre-test day slumber and realized she had forgotten to plug in her computer charging cart that would be vital for students to take the exam.

Luckily, the crisis was somewhat easily averted. In the clip we see her hop out of her car, unlock the building, walk down the hall and into her classroom, and in two seconds flat she comes out flashing an “all is well” peace sign to the security camera. Phew.

@misswinans_teach

Test taking anxiety isn’t just for the kids. Mind you…this was at 10:15 p.m. 🫠🫠 #itsfineimfineeverythingsfine #viralvideo #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #middleschoolteacher #teacherlife #teacherhumor #middleschool #fyp #trending #sendhelp #whyamilikethis

“Test anxiety isn’t just for kids,” her caption read.

In an interview with Today, Winans shared how this test anxiety comes from a place of wanting all her students to feel at ease. "I don't really sleep the week of testing, because I want them to be OK, and I want them to feel confident, not to be nervous and worried. I know testing can really put a lot of pressure on people."

teachers, teacher of tiktok, test day, test anxiety, state testing, prepping for test, funny teachers, state exam, chromebook Sarah Ashley Winans. Courtesy of Sarah Ashley Winans

Down in the comments, people really felt for Winans’ plight.

"I just know you were stress texting your principal,” one person wrote. Another echoed, "Yall know she was (on the phone) with someone bc she was scared to death."

Indeed, Winans did call her administrator before making her adventure to the school (luckily only a five minute drive away), and that was actually how she got this hilarious footage. "She let me look at it, and then I said, 'I have to record it,'" Winans told the outlet

Viewers who were not feeling secondhand anxiety just chimed in with pure appreciation.

“This is so Janine coded,” one person wrote, referencing Quinta Brunson's character in Abbott Elementary.

teachers, tests, testing, abbott elementary, gif Janine from Abbott Elementary. media.giphy.com

“Not all heroes wear capes, they’re in bonnets plugging in the chromebook cart at 10pm,” quipped another.

Still another said, “Just so you know, you’re an amazing teacher because WHO would go late at night when you’re already in your jammies? You’re awesome.”

Following the huge response to her video, Winans told Today, that she hopes it humanizes teachers a bit and reminds folks they aren’t perfect, but still do everything they can to provide for their students.

"This is just something we do. Teachers, you make mistakes, and you forget to do things and, I mean, you just do what you have to do to make sure your kids are successful. And I was just doing my job."

So, in addition to providing education, therapy, and mentorship, teachers also have to do a little recovery missions from time to time. That’s just reason #509 why they deserve more.

As a new school year is well underway, Winans seems to be doing just fine as she's posted videos of her classroom redesign project and an adorable fit check.

@misswinans_teach

A little ootd to get the week started😂😂 #teachersoftiktok #viralvideo #teachertok #middleschoolteacher #ootd

She certainly looks well rested!

This article originally appeared in May. It has been updated.

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Happiness researcher explains how making a 'reverse bucket list' can change your life

Counterintuitive in our culture, but effective.

Gage Skidmore/Wikimedia Commons

Harvard researcher Arthur C. Brooks studies what leads to human happiness.

We live in a society that prizes ambition, celebrating goal-setting, and hustle culture as praiseworthy vehicles on the road to success. We also live in a society that associates successfully getting whatever our hearts desire with happiness. The formula we internalize from an early age is that desire + ambition + goal-setting + doing what it takes = a successful, happy life.

But as Harvard University happiness researcher Arthur C. Brooks has found, in his studies as well as his own experience, that happiness doesn't follow that formula. "It took me too long to figure this one out," Brooks told podcast host Tim Ferris, explaining why he uses a "reverse bucket list" to live a happier life.

bucket list, wants, desires, goals, detachment Many people make bucket lists of things they want in life. Giphy

Brooks shared that on his birthday, he would always make a list of his desires, ambitions, and things he wanted to accomplish—a bucket list. But when he was 50, he found his bucket list from when he was 40 and had an epiphany: "I looked at that list from when I was 40, and I'd checked everything off that list. And I was less happy at 50 than I was at 40."

As a social scientist, he recognized that he was doing something wrong and analyzed it.

"This is a neurophysiological problem and a psychological problem all rolled into one handy package," he said. "I was making the mistake of thinking that my satisfaction would come from having more. And the truth of the matter is that lasting and stable satisfaction, which doesn't wear off in a minute, comes when you understand that your satisfaction is your haves divided by your wants…You can increase your satisfaction temporarily and inefficiently by having more, or permanently and securely by wanting less."

Brooks concluded that he needed a "reverse bucket list" that would help him "consciously detach" from his worldly wants and desires by simply writing them down and crossing them off.

"I know that these things are going to occur to me as natural goals," Brooks said, citing human evolutionary psychology. "But I do not want to be owned by them. I want to manage them." He discussed moving those desires from the instinctual limbic system to the conscious pre-frontal cortex by examining each one and saying, "Maybe I get it, maybe I don't," but crossing them off as attachments. "And I'm free…it works," he said.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"When I write them down, I acknowledge that I have the desire," he explained on X. "When I cross them out, I acknowledge that I will not be attached to this goal."

The idea that attachment itself causes unhappiness is a concept found in many spiritual traditions, but it is most closely associated with Buddhism. Mike Brooks, PhD, explains that humans need healthy attachments, such as an attachment to staying alive and attachments to loved ones, to avoid suffering. But many things to which we are attached are not necessarily healthy, either by degree (over-attachment) or by nature (being attached to things that are impermanent).

"We should strive for flexibility in our attachments because the objects of our attachment are inherently in flux," Brooks writes in Psychology Today. "In this way, we suffer unnecessarily when we don't accept their impermanent nature."

What Arthur C. Brooks suggests that we strive to detach ourselves from our wants and desires because the simplest way to solve the 'haves/wants = happiness' formula is to reduce the denominator. The reverse bucket list, in which you cross off desires before you fulfill them, can help free you from attachment and lead to a happier overall existence.

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Woman on flight notices her seatmate panicking, tells the 'early standers' to clear the way

An incredible and bold act of kindness.

Screenshots courtesy of Hailey Sand

A woman speak to the camera

No matter where you are, even when your life feels like it's falling apart, other people's lives are still going on as normal. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop because tragedy strikes someone's family, but recently on a United Airlines flight, one woman had a pretty close equivalent. Hailey Ann Sand recently took an unexpected trip after finding out her grandfather was being placed on comfort care as he was nearing the end of his life.

Sand knew she wanted to be there for his final moments, so she booked a last-minute flight and headed out. What was supposed to be a smooth trip wound up being stress-inducing due to the flight landing behind schedule. The airline was aware that some passengers had connecting flights taking off in a few minutes so they made the announcement asking for passengers to extend courtesy to those with tight connections.

Sand was one of those with an extremely tight connection when the flight landed in Denver, but as airline passengers often do, many stood up, not allowing others to get off the plane first. It was then that the grieving granddaughter was reminded that there are still good people in the world.

The woman shares in a video that she was in seat 31A and another woman, whom she didn't know was in seat 31B noticed the urgency on Sand's face prompting the woman to inquire if something was wrong. After Sand explained that she was in a hurry to catch her next flight so she could be there with her grandfather in his last moments, the stranger sprung into action.

@haileyannsand

@United Airlines

Sand's connecting flight was scheduled to depart in 25 minutes but the aisle was completely blocked. That is, until her seatmate got everyone to clear it.

"You didn't owe me anything but you stepped out in the aisle and you announced very loudly to everybody to please step aside so that I can get off the plane in a timely manner," Sand says hoping her words reach the woman who helped her. "We landed 25 minutes before my next flight was supposed to depart, and it was a 22-minute walk across the Denver airport. We flew into gate 73ish, and I was flying out of 12. I had to walk all the way across. I just want you to know that I made that flight and I got to be there last night. And I got to tell my grandfather how much I loved him and he got to tell me back and he understood what I was saying."

kindness, viral video, United Airlines, Hailey Ann Sand, good news, compassion, hospice nurse, airplane etiquette, paying it forward, grief Woman hugging her grandfatherCanva

The grieving granddaughter was able to be there along with the rest of her family until her grandfather passed. She continues the video with an emotional thank you to the stranger saying that her act of kindness changed her life, hoping the video would reach the kind stranger. While the video didn't reach her, the video did reach United Airlines causing several flight attendants and crew to reach out to Sand. Through some detective work, they connected her with a relative who connected her with the stranger, Katie.

Turns out Katie wasn't just an average passenger, she's a hospice nurse who deeply understands a family's need to be together during someone's final hours.

Sand tells Upworthy it look less than 24 hours to track Katie down and get in touch with her. While the flight they shared was from San Antonio to Denver, Katie just happened to be traveling from work and isn't from either city and Sand lives in San Antonio but is from Washington. The chance seating assignment seemed meant to be.

kindness, viral video, United Airlines, Hailey Ann Sand, good news, compassion, hospice nurse, airplane etiquette, paying it forward, grief Crowded airplane cabinCanva

Once Sand reached her family she left her chance encounter with a hospice nurse to feel the warmth and comfort of the hospice nurses at Samaritan Hospital in Moses Lake, Washington, "They did an excellent job for my grandfather in his final moments but also my whole family in helping us through a difficult time."

Sand shares that her grandfather was "a husband of 62 years, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a brother, a friend, a mentor. He served in the Army and worked his whole life as a farmer. He was the most hardworking man. He loved to travel and has been all over the world. He was very involved in his community, and the world would be better with more people like him in it."

While the woman hoped the video would reach the passenger that helped her on the plane, she likely didn't expect it to reach over 9 million people but since it has she hopes people leave her video with a message of kindness.

@haileyannsand

@United Airlines the long awaited, long winded update.

"I hope this story continues to resonate with people and inspire them to love each other more, and think twice when the flight crew asks you to stay seated so that people who have a tight connection can get off the plane. You never know why someone is traveling and it’s not always for a happy reason."

This article originally appeared earlier this year. It has been updated.

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3 questions to ask that one person who's 'always right' that'll instantly stop the argument

Hint: logic and facts aren't gonna work.

Photo credit: Canva

Two people arguing

We all know that person. The one who always has to be right, who can turn even the most innocuous disagreement into a never-ending debate, leaving you emotionally exhausted and wondering why you ever opened your mouth in the first place.

It could be a coworker, a friend, maybe even someone in our own family—and if we’re really honest with ourselves, perhaps we’re guilty of it too sometimes. But not as much as the other guy!

But here’s the good news: Dr. Jeff Bogaczyk, a communication expert who holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric (that’s literally the science of persuasion) says there’s actually a way to reach the know-it-alls in our life, all while maintaining your own peace.

It all starts with just three questions.

Don't waste your time arguing.

According to Dr. Bogaczyk, also known as MindForLife on TikTok, arguing with someone who's always right feels impossible because it is. Attempting to use logic and facts to persuade them is a fool’s errand because it doesn’t just challenge their opinion, it challenges their identity.”

arguing, conversation, small talk tips, persuasion, talking, communication, debate, winning an argument A woman in flight-or-fight modePhoto credit: Canva

Numerous psychological studies have shown that criticisms of beliefs can feel like personal attacks, causing people to go into fight-or-flight mode. Logic shuts down, and defenses go up immediately because you’re no longer having a conversation. You’re thrust into battle.

The three questions that can turn a stalemate argument into an actual conversation

Dr. Bogaczyk suggests that instead of trying to win an argument, you ask questions that invite reflection. This can nudge folks out of that defensive, reactive part of the brain and into the calmer, more thoughtful part. From this place, they’re better able to listen.

arguing, conversation, small talk tips, persuasion, talking, communication, debate, winning an argument Two men having a conversationPhoto credit: Canva

Here are his go-to questions:

1. “Is there anything that could actually change your mind?”

This question moves the conversation from confrontation to curiosity. It signals to the other person that they’re not under threat, leaving them far more likely to open up and inadvertently “give you back the key that might unlock their perspective.”

2. “If you were wrong, where would you be wrong?”

This question is admittedly more triggering, but that’s the point. It helps them see their argument as a structure that can be examined, not a fortress that must be defended.

3. “What do you think is the weakest part of your argument?”

Similarly, this question might cue some defensiveness. You might initially receive a response like, “There is no weakness.” However, Dr. Bogaczyk notes that gently guiding the thoughts back to simply reflecting on what could be the weakest part provides a potential opening for humility to slip through.

@mindforlife How to argue with someone who’s never wrong? #Communication #communicationskills #communicationtips #bettercommunication #argue ♬ original sound - Mind For Life

Why this works

As Dr. Bogaczyk puts it, these questions “disrupt the feedback loop” of defensiveness. They give people a chance to think rather than react. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to quiet down that lizard brain and bring empathy, logic, and higher reasoning back to the forefront. And that’s where real progress happens.

Of course, there will always be individuals for whom this strategy will not work. You can’t change everyone’s mind. But sometimes, it’s not truly about changing minds. It’s about maintaining our own energy even in the midst of conflict.

So the next time you find yourself in an argument that’s going nowhere, pause, take a breath, and ask a question.

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