Woman shares three questions pregnant women can ask when they feel unheard by their doctor
Tired of being told "everything is normal?" These expert-backed questions can help.
So many women report being gaslit by the very people meant to help them in times of need.
We might attribute the image of a woman with actual medical concerns being labeled “hysterical” by her doctor to the bygone Victorian era, but very real challenges continue to this day.
Research shows that a gender bias still exists in medical care, particularly in chalking up women’s physical problems to psychological issues. Women are still more likely to be considered “emotional” and accused of “fabricating” their pain by a healthcare professional, whereas men are more likely to be called “stoic.”
As Anushay Hossain writes in her book “The Pain Gap: How Sexism and Racism in Healthcare Kill Women”:
“Women are not believed about their bodies — period.”
This dismissal of a woman’s medical concerns (which a whopping 72% of women say they have experienced) has caused serious illness and disease to be misdiagnosed as anxiety, depression or emotional distress. And for debilitating symptoms to be called “normal.” And because of this, more health care professionals are giving tips on how women can advocate for themselves.
Recently, in response to a pregnant woman who, you guessed it, was venting about a doctor telling her everything was “normal,” OBGYN Dr. Noa Sterling chimed in with some advice.
“This is how you're going to respond the next time you bring a symptom or a complaint to your OB provider and you're just told that's normal,” she began, adding that the commonly seen dismissal “100% contributes to maternal mortality.”
She even surmised, “I think that's one of the reasons why black maternal mortality is so much higher than you see with white women because oftentimes black women are not listened to.”
And with that, Dr. Sterling encouraged pregnant folks to ask these three questions next time their doctor tries to dodge their concerns:
- I know that normal pregnancy symptoms can sometimes be an indication that something more serious is going on. What about my situation tells you that this is not something serious and not something that I need to be concerned about?
- What should I be looking for that might indicate that this is a more serious symptom?
And finally, if you don't want to leave the office without some form of guidance on managing symptoms:
- I am glad that you think that this isn't something serious. However, I would like to do something about this symptom. What do you suggest?
@drsterlingobgyn #stitch with @katylynnsmithdesign How to communicate with your #obgyn #pregnant #pregnancystruggles #pregnancystressrelief #pregnancytips #advocatingforyourself #stressinpregnancy ♬ original sound - Noa Sterling, M.D., FACOG
Several commented on Dr. Sterling’s video also suggested that any dismissal of symptoms be recorded in their medical chart. While Sterling understood the reasoning behind that approach, she argued that leaning into the frustration can put providers “on the defensive.” In her opinion, people are “better served” by clearly reiterating their needs in a way that connects to “the humanity of both people involved.” Though she also acknowledges that that won’t work in every situation.
Point being: advocating for yourself, especially when it comes to medical concerns, is vital. That’s why it’s important to have healthy, effective tools for making sure your doctor actually hears you. And if they still won’t perhaps it’s best to look for a different provider.
For more tips, follow Dr. Sterling on TikTok.
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."