Photo credit: via Andy Malmin/Flickr – Ven. Thich Thong Hai prays by a statue of Buddha in the garden at the <a href="https://www.venturabuddhistcenter.org/">Ventura Buddhist Center</a>.
Proving that science and religion can, in fact, overlap, University of British Columbia researcher Evan Thompson has confirmed the Buddhist teaching of the not-self, or “anatta,” is more than just a theory.
“Buddhists argue that nothing is constant, everything changes through time, you have a constantly changing stream of consciousness,” he tells Quartz. “And from a neuroscience perspective, the brain and body is constantly in flux. There’s nothing that corresponds to the sense that there’s an unchanging self.”
This reality that nothing stays the same should be liberating, because if people believe it, they’ll no longer define themselves by their thoughts or be limited by a fixed idea of who they are. Their possibilities will be endless.
Buddhist Monks have known for thousands of years what science is just now learning: the mind can be changed by training it. Neuroplasticity, as it’s called, endows people with the ability to grow and evolve, triumphing over bad habits and becoming more like the individuals they want to be.
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Still, exactly how consciousness relates to the brain eludes both Buddhism and neuroscience. Buddhists suppose there’s an iteration of consciousness that doesn’t require a physical body; neuroscientists disagree.
“In neuroscience, you’ll often come across people who say the self is an illusion created by the brain,” Thompson says. “My view is that the brain and the body work together in the context of our physical environment to create a sense of self. And it’s misguided to say that just because it’s a construction, it’s an illusion.”
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project.
Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia.
Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:
Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
The loneliness epidemic has reached a critical mass, with the Surgeon General warning that social isolation can have dire health consequences. Tons of research backs it up: Being lonely can make us sick.
For many years, patients have been screened for loneliness and offered only a few limited options: Therapy and medications that treat symptoms of loneliness like insomnia, depression, or heart problems.
But recently, doctors have been taking a far more radical approach: What if they actually treated the loneliness itself?
“Social prescribing” trend takes off
Doctors cant befriend their patients, but more and more they’ve been leaning on a concept called “social prescribing.” It’s a way of treating the whole patient and not just the symptoms.
How? By writing prescriptions for things like nature walks, art classes, book clubs, singing lessons, and more. All of these activities are shown to boost mental health, decrease loneliness, and create a domino effect of positive health outcomes.
It’s not just loneliness that can be treated by social prescribing. Depression, anxiety, and chronic pain can all benefit from community-based, real-world activities.
How social prescribing works
A person dealing with loneliness might be asked to take part in a community class, volunteer, or even use a service that helps them make friends.
Depression patients might be asked to spend more time in nature through a birdwatching group or nature-walk group They may also be enrolled in art classes.
Doctors frequently tell people to exercise more, but social prescribing sees them direct chronic pain patients, for example, to specific group exercise classes.
Prescriptions for art classes can really make a difference. Photo Credit: Canva Photos
It can be even simpler than that, too. Someone who’s isolated because they’re a caretaker for a family member might be asked to simply go to a coffee shop a few times per week. A person who’s feeling down and disconnected due to remote work might get a social prescription for joining a group or social club. Someone who’s dealing with stress and anxiety related to finances might be assigned to meet with a debt management specialist.
How it works from a logistical standpoint depends on the doctor and where you live. In the UK, social prescribing has officially been adopted by the NHS. Patients in need will be referred by their doctor to a “link worker” whose sole job is to connect them to the right community resource.
In America, social prescribing is still in more of a fledgling state. Fortunately, though, more and more local pilot programs are popping up around the country to provide the same support. Experts believe that even in the United States’ heavily privatized model, it can still be effective.
Social prescribing actually works
Going for weekly nature walks to help depression and loneliness is a cute idea, but is it actually effective?
A majority of research says Yes. One study found that patients who received a social prescription were less likely to visit their doctor for other consultations or go to the emergency room. Participants showed not only reductions in anxiety and depression, but major boosts to self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing.
Beyond what’s reflected in the numbers and studies, doctors who practice social prescribing say they’ve seen the impact it can have firsthand.
Scientific Americanwrites, “The most memorable gains from social prescribing come through in its before-and-after stories. Whether its patients sharing how social prescriptions have provided a ‘reason to wake up in the morning,’ or doctors sharing how it feels like ‘prescribing beauty in someone’s life,’ social prescribing just feels right.”
The practice is not without its critics, though. Some researchers say that the positive gains from social prescribing only last as long as a healthcare worker is facilitating the activities, but fade away quickly when patients are left to their own devices. They argue that the root causes of loneliness, depression, and anxiety run far deeper in our cultures and require more precise intervention.
Still, it’s hard to argue with the idea behind social prescribing. Therapy and medications have their place, but human beings have always needed community, connection, and time spent in nature. What’s most surprising about the trend is that it took us this long to give it a try.
Alex Lyons is on a mission to make sure no one else suffers in silence. The 21-year-old from Armagh, Northern Ireland, spent months hiding a secret that she feared was too “gross” or “humiliating” to share with her friends and family. But as the BBC reported, that silence nearly cost her everything.
Lyons first noticed she was having frequent, urgent bowel movements and spotted blood in her stool. Instead of seeking help, she ignored the signs, hoping they would simply go away. Her hesitation was rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment and a desire to protect her family. Her twin brother, Joe, had recently undergone bowel removal surgery due to a chronic condition, and Alex didn’t want to put her parents through that trauma a second time.
Unfortunately, the symptoms of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) do not wait for a convenient time to be addressed. By the time Alex finally disclosed her struggle, her condition had progressed to a life-threatening level. She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, a form of IBD that causes chronic inflammation and ulcers in the lining of the colon. According to the Cleveland Clinic, these symptoms are often caused by an overactive immune response, and as seen in the case of Alex and her brother, genetic factors often play a significant role.
The inflammation was so aggressive that standard treatments could no longer save her bowel. She was rushed into emergency surgery, a procedure that saved her life but changed it forever. “I think I would have gone a little longer without losing my bowel had I gone to the doctor earlier,” Alex told the BBC.
From ambulance to advocacy
Now, Alex is using her voice to dismantle the stigma that kept her silent. She has become a viral advocate on TikTok, documenting her life with a stoma bag and showing her followers that a medical diagnosis doesn’t mean the end of a vibrant life. She refuses to let her condition stop her from wearing her favorite clothes or going out with friends.
My first shower in 7 weeks!! Kinda crazy lol. When you’re on deaths door a shower is the least of your worries trust me! This disease has taken alot from me but it won’t take my pamper days! #stoma#ulcerativecolitis#recovery#pamper
The lesson Alex wants to share is simple but vital: speaking up sooner matters more than avoiding a few minutes of discomfort. What might seem like a minor, embarrassing issue can develop into a serious health crisis if left unaddressed. As Alex and her brother continue their healing journey together, they are proving that there is no room for shame when it comes to saving your own life.
Richard Bernstein walked around barefoot a lot at home, so when his right toe started hurting in 2017, he assumed he’d stubbed it. A visit to his podiatrist confirmed nothing was broken and nothing was wrong. He moved on.
Over the next few years it crept upward from his toe to his ankle, then to his knee. A sports medicine doctor suggested stenosis and recommended physical therapy. That didn’t help either. Walking became gradually harder. On a trip to Greece, Bernstein had to sit out while his friends climbed to hilltop monasteries. He took his dog to the park less and less.
In March 2022, his right leg swelled noticeably. His doctor ordered an abdominal scan. What it found changed everything.
What they found when they finally looked
Bernstein had a massive cancerous kidney tumor that had grown into his vena cava, the main vein that returns blood from the lower body to the heart. The tumor and tumor thrombus were a foot long and weighed around two and a half pounds. Because the vena cava was almost completely blocked, blood was backing up in his lower extremities, which explained the years of unexplained pain creeping up his right side. His two main coronary arteries had also been compromised, with 99 percent of their function lost.
He was referred to Dr. Michael Grasso, chair of urology at Phelps Hospital. Grasso’s assessment was direct. “He told me I had four days to live,” Bernstein said.
A 12-hour surgery, three specialists, one chance
The surgery required three specialists working simultaneously over 12 hours at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. Dr. Grasso handled the kidney and tumor removal. Cardiothoracic surgeon Dr. Jonathan Hemli performed a double bypass on the coronary arteries, which had been discovered only once Bernstein was already admitted, an unexpected complication that Hemli said they couldn’t ignore. “It would have been really disappointing to cure him of his kidney cancer only to learn in six months, nine months, a year that the poor man had a heart attack and didn’t survive,” Hemli told TODAY. Vascular surgeon Dr. Alfio Carroccio opened the vena cava to remove the tumor thrombus, which extended all the way into the heart.
To do the work safely, the team had to cool Bernstein’s body, stop his heart, and run him on a heart-lung bypass machine while they operated. Then they slowly warmed him back up and restarted his heart.
Bernstein spent three days sedated afterward, a week in intensive care, and nearly three weeks in cardiac rehab relearning to walk. He lost around 30 pounds. He gained it back.
He’s now on ongoing immunotherapy and doing twice-yearly scans. Dr. Grasso’s update: “The cancer hasn’t spread anywhere else, which is amazing, considering where he came from.”
Bernstein’s own assessment of how he got through it: “My attitude is ‘it is what it is, and there’s not much we can do about it.’ That got me through.” His advice for anyone else in a similar situation: “If something is wrong and they can’t find it, don’t give up looking. Trust your feelings about your own body.”
And on the swollen leg that finally triggered the scan that saved him: “If my whole leg hadn’t swollen up, I would have dropped dead.”
Death is a mystery in so many ways, despite the fact that we all know for sure it’s going to happen. We don’t know when we will go and can’t really be sure of what comes next, so whether we’re thinking about ourselves or a loved one, there’s understandably a lot of fear and uncertainty around death.
That’s why Julie McFadden’s work is so important. As a palliative care nurse in the Los Angeles area, who has seen over a hundred people die, her videos shed light on the process to make us all a bit more comfortable with the inevitable. McFadden is also the author of the bestseller, “Nothing to Fear.” The nurse’s experience helping people in their final stages has given her a unique perspective on the process.
In one video, she shared how she can see the first symptoms that someone is going to die a natural death about 6 months before they finally do. In other words, she can determine that someone only has half a year left to live when most of us have no idea they have entered the final stages of life.
What are the signs a person is dying at the 6-month mark?
McFadden says that people who are dying are usually placed in hospice care when the symptoms begin to appear around the 6-month mark.
“You will have very generalized symptoms. Those symptoms will usually be, one, you will be less social. So you’ll be more introverted than extroverted,” McFadden said. “Two, you will be sleeping a lot more. And three, you will be eating and drinking a lot less. Literally, everyone on hospice, I see this happen to.”
A heavenly view of the sky. Photo credit: PIxbay/Pexels
What are the signs a person is dying at the 3-month mark?
You are going to notice more debility,” McFadden continues. “They will be staying in their house most of the time. It’s going to be difficult getting up and just going to the bathroom. Again, sleeping a lot more and eating and drinking a lot less.”
What are the signs a person is dying at the 1-month mark?
Something usually begins to happen in the final month of someone’s life. They start to believe they are in contact with others they have lost. It’s like they are there to make the dying person feel comfortable with their final transition.
“Usually around the one month mark is when people will start seeing ‘the unseen’, they have the visioning. They’ll be seeing dead relatives, dead loved ones, dead pets, old friends who have died,” McFadden said. “Again, not everyone — but many, many people will start seeing these things at around one month.”
Angela Morrow, a registered nurse at Verywell Health, agrees that people in the final stage of life often hear from those who have passed before them. Morrow says we should refrain from correcting the patients when they share their stories of talking to people and pets who have died. “You might feel frustrated because you can’t know for sure whether they’re hallucinating, having a spiritual experience, or just getting confused. The uncertainty can be unsettling, but it’s part of the process,” Morrow writes.
At the end of the video, McFadden says that the most important factors palliative care nurses look at to determine the stage of death are eating, drinking and sleeping. “Most people, a few weeks out from death, will be sleeping more than they are awake. And they will be barely eating and barely drinking,” McFadden said.
In the end, hospice nurses “allow the body to be the guide” as they help their patients transition from life to death.
McFadden’s work has brought a lot of peace to her followers as they go through trying times. “My mom is in hospice right now and she’s currently, I think, hours or days from death. YourTikToks have helped me out tremendously,” Deb wrote. “My grandma passed away in February, and she experienced all of this. this page brings me peace knowing everything she went through was natural,” Jaida added.
“Thanks, Julie. I volunteer in a hospice end-of-life facility, and this helps educate the families. Your posts are wonderful,” Grandma Nita wrote.
One of the things that makes death so scary is the number of unknowns surrounding the process, so it’s important that McFadden shares her stories of helping people to the next side. She shows that death is a natural process and that hospice nurses are here to help make the transition as peaceful as possible.
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
Perimenopause is certainly having a moment. This set of transition symptoms that appear before menopause was first identified in the 1970s and more firmly documented in the 1980s. However, Google Trends shows a massive spike in interest over the past few years. Now, it seems like everywhere you look, people are talking about perimenopause.
After decades of relative silence, social media has given millions of women a platform to finally share what they’ve been going through.
It has also, funnily enough, given a platform to the husbands who support them through these challenging times.
Comedian shares reality with the world
Matt Hyams struck a nerve in late 2025 when he posted his first video about what he affectionately calls his “perimenopausal wife.”
“If your wife is entering perimenopause, I’m going to give you some tips I wish someone had given me at the beginning,” he said in the video. “Number one, stop chewing your food, okay? Just swallow it whole … Maybe you’re thinking, ‘But I might choke and die.’ Good. Even better.”
The joke was a hit and quickly went viral, inspiring him to keep digging for humor. Soon, he was back with a brilliant reenactment of “how my perimenopausal wife looks at me when I’m eating cereal and clearing my throat.” The hilarious skit references how perimenopause can cause sensory overload, or even misophonia—a rage-inducing response to chewing, breathing, or tapping.
Perhaps Hyams’ best, and most accurate, work is his reenactment of his wife’s newfound—and frighteningly precise—sense of smell. Dressed in what has become his trademark wig, he demonstrates how she can identify extremely specific odors thanks to perimenopausal changes to her senses:
Perimenopause can affect a woman’s sense of taste and smell. In some, these senses fade or even seem to disappear. In others, it can cause “olfactory hallucinations.” And in still others, people can detect real, powerful smells that others barely notice.
“If you ask a Harvard researcher, they’re going to say, ‘We don’t have enough data to support that.’ If you ask someone that talks to women every single day, they’re going to say, ‘Absolutely,’” Atlanta-based nurse practitioner Daniela Ezratty told Gloria.
The comments section under Hyams’ video proves the point perfectly:
“I’ve always had a heightened sense of smell but now I can smell things from the future”
“I found a gas leak at work. Apparently it was such a small leak that no one else could smell it and they had to bring in a gas detector to find the source.”
“I can smell what they had for dinner 3 days ago, 4 houses away.”
“I can’t smell anything except the huge imaginary cigarette that gets blown in my face and wakes me out of a blackout sleep at 3am.”
“COFFEE!! IT DOES SMELL LIKE TUNA and it makes me emotional”
Coffee that smells like tuna is a common complaint, and it’s not an olfactory hallucination. Certain chemical reactions during the roasting process can produce oils that smell fishy, especially to people with heightened senses of smell.
Hyams’ other videos use comedic reenactment to show how perimenopause can cause overwhelming mental load, fatigue, brain fog, hot flashes, and more—and they’re far more entertaining than reading WebMD.
“I seem to have hit the perimenopause train at the right time, with the right tone, and the right amount of respect for the struggle,” Hyams told Upworthy. “I’m coming at it from my wife’s perspective, validating her opinions and her reality. So I think women, which make up 88% of my followers, were so happy to see and hear it.”
It’s an accessible and fun way for women to gently teach their partners what they’re going through. Hyams said women tell him all the time that they send the videos to their partners, and those conversations often improve their relationships.
But it’s not just women who appreciate his handling of a sensitive topic. Even OB-GYNs say supporting a partner through perimenopause isn’t easy—it takes a lot of love, patience, and self-education.
“I also get messages from men thanking me for making them feel less alone,” Hyams said.
As for the real wife behind the wig, Hyams said she likes the videos and gives final approval before he posts anything. That’s definitely the right call.
It is not unheard of for someone to grab something off the rack to wear immediately after purchasing. In fact, this is a fairly common occurrence in the United States. But a dermatologist warns that this behavior could be damaging to your skin.
Cleveland Clinic dermatologist Dr. Shilpi Khetarpal tells WDIV 4 that she recommends everyone wash their clothes before wearing them. “There’s a few reasons why. The first is that many bright colors can bleed onto skin or other fabrics before the first wash. So when you wash them at home first before wearing them, you’re preventing that from transferring onto your skin,” she tells the outlet.
Anyone who has purchased dark blue or black jeans knows just how annoying it is when the ink bleeds onto other clothing, furniture, and skin. This isn’t new information for most people, and those with very sensitive skin are likely more apt to pre-wash new clothes to avoid skin irritation. Those without hypersensitive skin may feel more inclined to keep yanking those tags off and stepping into unwashed new clothing.
Khetarpal and other dermatologists say, not so fast. Skin irritation doesn’t only occur because someone has sensitive skin. Still, a recent survey conducted by Tommy John reveals that only 22% of Americans always wash new clothes before wearing them. Other things are going on in the construction and packaging of new clothing that might give others pause.
According to Dr. Khetarpal, some manufacturers add formaldehyde and other chemicals to keep clothes from wrinkling or molding when shipping. There’s also the concern of fungus, bacteria, and other things lingering on clothing from people handling the items or trying them on.
“You never know who tried on the garment before you bought it, so you don’t know about germs on their skin, nose, mouth. In fact, a few studies have been done looking at bacteria and viruses lingering on clothes after they have been tried on—fecal bacteria and nasal viruses were commonly found. Lice, scabies, and even bed bugs can also live on clothing for a few days,” Dr. Jami L. Miller, Associate Professor of Dermatology at Vanderbilt Health and Medical Director of the Dermatology Clinic at Vanderbilt Health One Hundred Oaks, tells Southern Living.
A 2014 study completed by Stockholm University in Sweden tested 31 different clothing items. The scientists found “Quinoline and ten quinoline derivatives were determined in 31 textile samples. The clothing samples, diverse in color, material, brand, country of manufacture, and price, and intended for a broad market, were purchased from different shops in Stockholm, Sweden. Quinoline, a possible human carcinogen, was found to be the most abundant compound present in almost all of the samples investigated.”
While it all sounds very scary, Dr. David C. Gaston, Assistant Professor of Pathology, Microbiology, and Immunology atVanderbilt Health, tells Southern Living, “The risk of obtaining a communicable disease from clothing in a retail store after being tried on by another person is vanishingly small and essentially non-existent if the clothing is new.”
The scientific consensus is to wash new clothes just to be on the safe side, but if you don’t have sensitive skin, you’re most likely fine-ish.
Ever wake up in the morning unsure of what you want to get out of the day? One day rolls into the next, and it’s easy to lose track of time and go on through our daily routines without any real purpose. That’s why, if we want to achieve our dreams and live the best life possible, it’s important to have a clear idea of what we’re working towards and to affirm it every morning.
Dr. Cindra Kamphoff, a certified mental performance coach who has worked with the Minnesota Vikings, USA Track & Field, and several Fortune 100 and 500 companies, created a 4-minute practice you can do every morning to have a successful day. She calls it the GRIT morning routine. “This simple GRIT routine gets my day started on the right foot!” she wrote on LinkedIn.
How to start your day using Dr. Cindra Kamphoff’s GRIT morning routine
To perform the GRIT routine, Kamphoff says that you should focus for one minute on each of the following:
1. Gratitude
“For one minute, remind yourself what you’re grateful for, the good things and the tough things,” she said in a YouTube video. Kamphoff told CNBC to envision a highlight reel of everything that has shaped your path. Think about the people you love, the blessings you’ve had in life, and the challenges that you’ve overcome to be the person you are today.
Gratitude is extremely important because it’s at the root of living a satisfied life. If you don’t appreciate the things you have in life, then it’s almost like not having them at all. A 2024 Harvard study found that gratitude is associated with greater emotional well-being, lower risk of depression, better sleep and heart health, and may even extend people’s lives.
“R is remember your purpose, or your ‘why.’ For one minute, remember and remind yourself why you do what you do,” Kamphoff says. If you haven’t found a specific purpose yet, that’s okay. Your purpose can be as lofty as creating a great movement that changes the world or as small as learning to be 1% kinder every day. Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, says that finding purpose may feel overwhelming, so it’s best to boil it down to a simple question: “What can I do with my time that is important?”
“For one minute, state at least three intentions. These are the ways you want to show up today, less about what you want to do but who you want to be,” Kamphoff says. She says to consider “who you want to be” and how you “want to show up” in the world, whether at home or at the office. Some examples include: “I will be a more patient parent” or “I will do everything in my power to avoid being distracted.”
4. Talk to yourself powerfully
“The last step is T, which is to talk to yourself powerfully. For one minute, tell yourself who you really are,” she says. She suggests that people talk to themselves with statements that include “I will,” “I can,” or “I am,” she told CNBC. If you are going to a job as a teacher, tell yourself, “I am the best teacher these kids have ever had,” or if you have a mile-long to-do list, tell yourself, “I can accomplish everything on my list and more.”
As the great Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Every morning, we begin our own journey, and the most important thing is to take that step in the right direction. With the GRIT morning ritual, hopefully, finding that direction and staying on the path is a lot easier.
Look, let’s just get it out there: It’s uncomfortable any time you have to get fully or partially naked for a medical exam or cosmetic procedure. Right? It’s natural and part of the process, but while you know that the person on the other end is a professional who’s just there to do their job, they’re also a human being. Getting naked in front of them in any other context would be extremely weird, and it’s hard to completely shut that part of your brain off no matter the setting.
It’s amazing how body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.
According to one study, about 30% of men are “dissatisfied” with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had “concerns” about the appearance of their vulva.
The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there’s something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we’re weird, is anybody really weird at all?
A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.
The prompt asked, “Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?”
Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people’s unmentionables.
“Gonna chime in as a doctor – and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before.” – feelgoodx
“I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in.” – Wild-Clementine
Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they’re clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable.” – tlotd
“Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work.” – Important-Tackle
“never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me.” – pastelmorning
“Nothing surprises me, I’m mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch.” – noorisms
Two big takeaways:
First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!
Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician’s office!
Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it can be.
It’s bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually affect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.
Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.
This shame or embarrassment unfortunately extends into the medical arena, as well.
Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist, getting breast exams, or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions. For their part, men are prone to skipping prostate exams, testicular exams, or conversations about potentially embarrassing topics like erectile dysfunction or bladder problems. None of these things are fun or comfortable, but they’re critical for our health!
Experts say sharing your vulnerability with your doctor or cosmetic professional can help. Letting them know you’re nervous or embarrassment can signal them to offer you comfort measures. It also helps to be really direct and detailed with what you want or what you want to discuss.
According to Cedars Sinai, “Does sex hurt? Tell your doctor exactly where you feel the pain. Notice that your poop stinks? Try to describe the odor in detail.” If you’re too embarrassed to talk about it, try writing it down. At some point though, you’ll have to get the exam. Just get through it, it gets easier once you build a relationship with your doctor (or waxer!) over time.
If you’ve ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You’re totally normal!
This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.
