upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
Family

Here are 13 of the 'most surprising' things people learned after getting divorced

"The person you married is not the same person you divorce."

divorce, reddit, divorce lessons
via Cottonbro studio/Pexels

A couple is having a hard time in therapy.

Studies show that after the death of a spouse, getting a divorce is the second most stressful life event a person can have. It’s even worse than going to jail or losing one’s job.

Going through a divorce can be incredibly stressful because it involves significant changes in nearly every aspect of life. The process can feel overwhelming, from emotional upheaval and legal complexities to financial adjustments and parenting challenges. It often means redefining personal identity and future plans, which requires time, patience and support from loved ones to navigate successfully.

However, there can be many positive sides to getting a divorce, the biggest being able to get away from someone who is causing you grief. It can also be a means of escaping a tough financial situation or distancing yourself from toxic in-laws.

Getting divorced can also open the door for some much-needed personal change.

A Redditor who goes by BondEmilyBond asked divorced people on the AskReddit subforum, “What's the most surprising thing you learned from getting divorced?” Many people were happily surprised by some of the lessons they learned from getting divorced and the positive outcomes they never expected.

While the post could have easily turned dour, many shared that getting a divorce allowed them to grow in ways they never expected. The separation was also an opportunity for many of their spouses to grow as well.

Here are 13 of the “most surprising” things people learned from getting a divorce.

1. "The person you married is not the same person you divorce." — Royal_Arachnid_2295

"Very true! One thing I learned getting divorced fairly young (33) was that we only have one life, you have to make sure you’re happy. Marriage was not the partnership I expected, especially after having kids. I was doing the majority of the household work while also doing the majority of the childcare and working full time. I suddenly realized this couldn’t be the rest of my life. And things are so much better now." — Klopije

2. Sometimes, everyone needs to change

"How I DID need to change certain parts of myself and my life, but I was not the entire problem in our marriage." — Ughfinethisusername

3. "I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved." — Oddwithoutend

"What is worst than being alone? Wishing you were alone." — AnnatoniaMac

"When the time came for me to spend my first night in my shi**y apartment, I unlocked the door, walked in, sat down on my couch, turned on my TV and then it hit me: No matter what I did that night, nobody was going to yell at me. And I felt so much relief in that moment, I was free and I didn't even realize that I hadn't been. I came to love that shitty apartment. My daughter and I lived there for three years (she's with me 50% of the time) and those were three of the happiest years of my life." — Spcoalpresense

4. You're never completely rid of your ex

"Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove themselves from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less." — Magicrowantree

"This is true, but I learned that it's much, much, much easier to be divorced with kids than it is to be unhappily married with kids." — Rusty0123

5. "I felt even more lonely when I was married." — bunbunzinlove

"First husband and I went to see 'The Misfits,' the 1961 Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable movie at the vintage movie house. At the very beginning, she's getting a Nevada divorce, and tells her husband: 'If I'm going to be alone, I want to be by myself.' He doesn't realize it, but that was a turning point in our marriage; that line floored me." — Flahdgal

6. Lawyers are expensive

"Sometimes you have to pay them to be able to communicate with someone you’re not able to communicate with." — Youngest_Syndrome_78

"Your lawyer is as expensive as your relationship was terrible/you or your ex is stubborn." — Youngest_Syndrome_78

7. Being alone is freedom

"How content I could be on my own. Never having to compromise throughout the mundane moments because you are living alone is very freeing." — Independent_Sunshine

"You know what I feel when I walk into my small divorce apartment? Peace! Blessed peace. No one's criticizing me. I'm not responsible for someone else's disappointing life choices. I am not his rage sponge, anymore. Goodbye, McMansion in the suburbs. Don't miss you." — Kit3399

8. The stress can be unbearable

"You can almost die from grief and disappointment." — HeartofGold48

"During one of our last fights, I fainted, fell backward on the concrete floor, and got a concussion and MRI. Apparently, stress can do that. The physical impact of divorce is something I never expected." — Haunting_Cattle2138

9. True love is awesome

"Pretty much how awesome life can be with a caring, kind, supportive spouse. I had no idea how bad I had it until the old one abandoned ship, and I met the true love of my life." — Relax-Enjoy

"This is so true. If you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for a long time, experiencing real love is just astounding." — InactiveUser247

10. Unhealthy can be normalized

"You know, I remember at one point in my marriage thinking 'I guess this is just how it works.' After being unhappy for so long, it just seemed like the normal. But I've definitely found out that no, it's not how it works! A relationship can be happy and supportive, without you feeling like you have to do all the work!" — Anothercrockett

"Same. I put my emotional and physical needs on a shelf, just chalking it up as 'my lot'. The rest of my life was great (kids, family, friends, house, money, pool)... It wasn't until she dropped the D-word on me at the beginning of the year that I let my feelings of neglect out." — IBSeanB

11. You're more attractive than you thought

"How many men I knew that wanted to date me lol." — OK_Acanthistta5022

"My current partner also had this realization. The moment her separation became public then certain 'friends' were circling. She was still of the opinion that women can have truly platonic male friends, which they can, but the majority I believe have other motives." — LordBiscuits

12. Couples are great at putting on a facade

"When I got a divorce, it turns out it was the beginning of a spree of divorces in my neighborhood among my friends. In a 2 year period, 5 couples I knew in my neighborhood got divorces. All of them, to a tee, were couples that I thought were very happily married. It sparked a lot of frank and open conversations among me and my newly-divorced friends about marriage, relationships and goings-on that I had never had before. Turns out I was living a really dull and sheltered life. I was astonished at how much infidelity was going on, for example. There were shenanigans going on everywhere. ... So the takeaway for me was, couples can be very good at putting on a fake front of happiness." — framptal_tromwibbler

13. You can still be friends

"You can still be mates. It's not all 'burn your ex to the ground' sh**e. It is perfectly possible to get on with everyone (including in-laws). Sometimes marriages just do not work out." — CarpetGripperRod

"Plus, the new partner can actually be pretty ace! She’s wonderful to my kids and has always treated me with nothing but love and respect. My kids come first and I can’t see any downside to them having more love in their lives." — Substantial-Land-248

From Your Site Articles
relationships
FamilyModern Families
Innovation

Ontario teen says he'll live in 'modular home' invention for a year to prove it can end homelessness

He's already invented a wooden car.

ideas, homelessness, prodigy, social work, solutions
Photo credit: @ribalzebian on Instagram

Ribal Zebian is going to test a house he designed by living in it for a year.

Ribal Zebian, a student from the city of London in Ontario, Canada, already made headlines last year when he built an electric car out of wood and earned a $120,000 scholarship from it. Now, he's in the news again for something a little different. Concerned with homelessness in his hometown, Zebian got to work creating a different kind of affordable housing made from fiberglass material. In fact, he’s so confident in his idea that the 18-year-old plans on living in it for a year to test it out himself.

Currently an engineering student at Western University, Zebian was concerned by both the rising population of the unhoused in his community and the rising cost of housing overall. With that in mind, he conjured up a blueprint for a modular home that would help address both problems.

Zebian’s version of a modular home would be made of fiberglass panels and thermoplastic polyethylene terephthalate (PET) foam. He chose those materials because he believes they can make a sturdy dwelling in a short amount of time—specifically in just a single day.

“With fiberglass you can make extravagant molds, and you can replicate those,” Zebian told CTV News. “It can be duplicated. And for our roofing system, we’re not using the traditional truss method. We’re using actually an insulated core PET foam that supports the structure and structural integrity of the roof.”

Zebian also believes these homes don’t have to be purely utilitarian—they can also offer attractive design and customizable features to make them personal and appealing.

“Essentially, what I’m trying to do is bring a home to the public that could be built in one day, is affordable, and still carries some architecturally striking features,” he said to the London Free Press. “We don’t want to be bringing a house to Canadians that is just boxy and that not much thought was put into it.”

Beginning in May 2026, Zebian is putting his modular home prototype to the test by living inside of a unit for a full year with the hope of working out any and all kinks before approaching manufacturers.

“We want to see if we can make it through all four seasons- summer, winter, spring, and fall,” said Zebian. “But that’s not the only thing. When you live in something that long and use it, you can notice every single mistake and error, and you can optimize for the best experience.”

While Zebian knows that his modular homes aren't a long-term solution to either the homeless or housing crisis, he believes they could provide an inexpensive option to help people get the shelter they need until certain policies are reformed so the unhoused can find affordable permanent dwellings.

@hard.knock.gospel

What to buy for the homeless at the grocery store. 🛒 Most people get it wrong. After being there myself, these are the survival items that actually matter 💯 The 2nd to last one is about more than survival—it’s about DIGNITY. We are all one circumstance away from the same shoes 🙏 SAVE this for your next grocery run. 📌 IG@hardknockgospel Substack@ Outsiders_Anonymous #homelessness #helpingothers #kindness #payitforward #learnontiktok

Zebian’s proposal and experiment definitely inspires others to try to help, too. If you wish to lend a hand to the unhoused community in your area in the United States, but don’t know where to look, you can find a homeless shelter or charity near you through here. Whether it’s through volunteering or through a donation, you can help make a difference.

From Your Site Articles
homelessness
InnovationScience
Friendship

An NFL reporter was criticized for consoling the losing coach, then fans came out to defend her

"You can call me fake all you want to, honey. I’ve been doing this a long time.”

reporters, journalists, tv, press conference, NFL, football, sports, coach, kindness, humanity
Photo credit: Canva

A reporter gave an NFL coach a pep talk after a loss, sparking a firestorm of criticism.

The Jacksonville Jaguars haven't won a playoff game in three years, and have just a handful of postseason victories in their short history. They have never been to a Super Bowl, making them just one of four teams in the NFL never to do so. That's why, after fielding one of the franchise's best teams in years, their latest quick playoff exit was a hard one for fans and the team itself to swallow. It was heartbreaking and gut-wrenching for nearly everyone in the Jacksonville area.

After suffering a narrow defeat at the hands of the Buffalo Bills this past weekend, head coach of the Jaguars Liam Coen took the podium to answer questions and accept accountability for the loss. Business as usual, despite how demoralized he was feeling.

One of the questions, however, was far from the usual fare. A Jacksonville Free Press associate editor named Lynn Jones-Turpin raised her hand and chose to use her time to give the coach words of encouragement instead of a hardball question.

"I’m going to tell you, congratulations on your success, young man," she said. "You hold your head up. You guys have had a most magnificent season. You did a great job out there today. You just hold your head up, OK? Ladies and gentlemen, Duval. You keep it going. We got another season. Much continued success to you and the entire team."

The warm, rousing words had a visible effect on Coen, who began beaming while nodding gracefully. "Thank you, ma'am," he said with genuine appreciation.

Talk about a legendary pep talk. You can watch the roughly 30-second moment here:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The brief interaction was picked up by national sports reporters and celebrated as a wholesome moment of compassion between two professionals.

Adam Schefter of ESPN called it an "awesome" moment. His post highlighting the interview got nearly 20 million views on X.

Commenters found the compassionate exchange extremely refreshing coming from the usually cutthroat world of sports, where reporters and coaches spar and trade passive-aggressive barbs. They're often pitted against each other as enemies, with reporters seeking transparency and accountability and coaches just wanting to be left alone to coach. Coen and Jones-Turpin broke the mold—for one afternoon at least.

"Whoever she works for needs to give her a raise. We need more people like this in the world!" one wrote.

"This really is wonderful. It’s fun watching his facial gyrations while she talks to him like an aunty. You can see the kid in the man. Wonderful."

"Epically classy from that reporter. Not the finish they wanted, but this squad showed heart all year."

"This healed me and I’m not even a Jags fan" someone added.

While not strictly professional, the moment between Coen and Jones-Turpin was a rare thing of beauty. But that didn't stop the curmudgeons from questioning the reporter's professionalism and journalistic integrity.

Many fans (notably, of non-Jaguars teams) and members of legacy media were quick to point out that a reporter consoling a coach after a loss is not a good display of journalism ethics.

Hosts on Fox News Sports Radio said, "This is a No-No. She sounds like a fan."

Jemele Hill, a writer for The Atlantic, wrote on X, " It’s literally the first lesson you learn — you aren’t a fan. You can love sports. You can be a fan of competition and games. But you are absolutely not a fan," while expressing distaste at how Jones-Turpin handled the interaction.

AP reporter Mark Long, in a now deleted post, called the question "embarrassing" and questioned Jones-Turpin' credentials, calling her "fake news."

The back and forth between supporters appreciative of her words and people looking for journalists to hold a hard line in the sand became quite a kerfuffle in social media, racking up millions and millions of interactions.

Lynn Jones-Turpin was finally given a chance to respond in an interview on local Jacksonville news, and she defended herself beautifully: By not feeling the need to defend herself at all.

"It was just an overwhelming day. I can tell you that this entire city, this town, our team, our city, and our coach, we were overwhelmed. ... Coach came out, and he was just... emotions. He was totally immersed in his feelings. He had tears, he bit his lip."

She then had a chance to address her critics head on. "I don't take no offense to it. Listen, I've been in this business more than 25 years. I've interviewed from Barack Obama to Terry Bradshaw to Tiger Woods. He can say whatever he wants about fake news. I am a member of the Black Press," she said, adding that Black-run newspapers like hers have been around for longer than most modern media outlets. "Support the Black Press. You can call me fake all you want to, honey. I’ve been doing this a long time.”

Adding more context, journalist Phil Lewis writes, "The Black Press never agreed to conform to the mainstream media’s ideal of 'objectivity.' In fact, the first Black newspaper aimed to distinguish itself from other newspapers of its time. This is not to say the pursuit of truth isn’t important, but realizing that 'objectivity' has always reinforced white worldviews."

Jones-Turpin then joked that she was the new "grandma" or "auntie" of the team.

Especially after her earnest appearance and non-apologetic attitude for her approach, the support for Jones-Turpin has been far louder than the criticism.

In a way, coaches and the reporters who cover their teams are coworkers. They interact on a near daily basis, and while they butt heads frequently, they both do what they do out of a shared love for the sport and even for the city they work for.

The game is ultimately just a game, but the emotions and real-life stakes are very real.

When emotions are high, who's to say they're not allowed a brief moment of humanity and compassion for one another? There are far worse things happening in the world—that much is for certain.

From Your Site Articles
sports
FriendshipJoy
Education

Public speaking expert shares the 3 'magic' phrases that instantly make you more likable

It's all about being genuinely open and curious.

party, chatting, likable, drinks small talk, men and women
via Canva/Photos

A woman speaking with two men at a party.

When we think of someone likable, we often imagine a person with a big personality who's the life of the party. We conjure up images of social butterflies and people who keep everyone at the dinner party glued to their every word when they tell a story. The funny thing is, according to research, that's not really the case.

Studies show that the easiest way to make someone like you is to show interest by asking questions during the conversation and making it clear that you like them. People also really love those who come off as genuine.

Michael Gendler, a co-founder of Ultraspeaking, a platform that helps people master the art of public speaking, recently shared three "magic" phrases that make you more likable, all of which align with what science tells us.

Three phrases that make you more likable

Phrase 1: "Here's what really scares me..."

This phrase resonates with people because it shows you're genuine by admitting your vulnerability. "Man, talk about your feats, real fears, not like 'Oh, I'm scared I'm going to be too successful.' Tell us about something that actually scares you. Don't be guarded. Be open, and other people will appreciate that," Gendler says.

Phrase 2: "You know what I really like about you?"

This phrase makes people like you because it counters a psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias, which suggests we tend to overestimate how clearly we express our feelings to others. This means that, many times, when we think others know we like them, they may not be so sure. So a little assurance goes a long way toward showing them the feeling is mutual. "People love being complimented as long as it is genuine," Gendler says.


Phrase 3: "Tell me more"

As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Make Friends and Influence People, the key to interacting with others is focusing on being interested in them rather than trying to impress them by being interesting. "Be interested, not interesting," Carnegie writes.

A Harvard study supports this, showing that when you first start speaking with someone, you should follow your first question with two more. People who do this are rated as much more likable than those who, after one question, shift the conversation to themselves. "People love feeling like what they're saying is interesting. So invite them to speak more," Gendler continues.


Don't forget to be genuine

Ultraspeaking's post is a breath of fresh air for those who aren't comfortable trying to impress others at parties, on dates, or in the office. The video shows that if you make people feel important, they're much more likely to like you in return. The key is that it has to come from the heart.

"Remember, don't just use these phrases and expect them to work," Gendler says. "They have to be genuine and open. That's what makes people likable."

From Your Site Articles
communication tips
EducationLearning
Culture

The 'honk if you…' bumper sticker sparks spirited debate about what honking really means

"I am almost 80 and have never heard the second interpretation. That is ridiculous."

honk bumper sticker, bumper sticker, driving, car honking, internet debate, car horn
Photo credit: Canva, aleksandrkondratov (left, cropped) / rofapic (text box) / Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo) (right, cropped)

What does the honking mean in a "honk if you..." bumper sticker?

Novelty bumper stickers come in many varieties: proud displays of solidarity, cultural and political co-signs, and even unhinged silliness. But if you ask someone to name a famous example, there's a good chance they'll choose one that starts with the phrase "Honk if you…"

What exactly are these stickers trying to express, though? If one reads "Honk if you love dogs," does honking simply mean you also love dogs? Apparently there are two very different schools of thought, and dozens of people went online to debate how we should be interpreting these seemingly simple messages.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Fandom or snark?

"So what I've heard is that those 'honk if you like ice cream🍦' license plates can be read two different ways," one user wrote on Reddit. "1. The idea is that this person is broadcasting that they like this particular thing a lot. 2. It's kind of a joke that they're going to ignore you honking at them, because you must just be responding to the bumper sticker, not saying they're a bad driver. It's meant to be kinda snarky."

The responses seem roughly split 50/50, with tons of people expressing their shock in both directions. Here are some of the top comments:

"Not sure if it's bulls--- or not but I have never until this moment considered option 2"

"I am almost 80 and have never heard the second interpretation. That is ridiculous."

"I always thought of it the first way, it was recently explained to me to be the second—I forget which show I was watching, maybe Gilmore Girls, and she was doing an experiment to honk at people who have 'honk if you like _____' stickers and the drivers would get mad at her for honking. So she was theorizing that people who have those types of bumper stickers don't actually want you to honk at them. Which I guess makes it option two in reality and that's the joke."

honking, car honking, car horn, honk debate, bumper sticker Someone honks a car horn. Photo credit: Canva, rattanakun

"Yeah I always took it the first way. 'I like ice cream and I want to get excited about it with other people who also like ice cream!' And I always thought it was stupid. Never even considered it the other way, which is also stupid."

"I've never considered it to be anything other than a person broadcasting their fandom."

"I always thought it was just a poll type thing until recently lol I learned of the #2 option. So bizarre"

"That's correct. It's meant to be interpreted the second way. It's a joke that if they are honking at you for driving poorly, you will ignore and assume they like pizza or whatever the sticker says."

"I think this is historical revisionism. I never heard definition #2 until a couple years ago. I've always taken it as definition #1."

"Hi. I have always seen the 2nd interpretation, because the first one makes no sense. Honking is not like making small talk in line at the grocery. Nobody wants every car to honk at each other to communicate their likes and dislikes."

"I've only seen the second explanation on social media in the last few months, which leads me to believe it's another TikTok originating thing along the lines of trying to redefine what '9 to 5' means."

@ellaellaw

Replying to @WILL (hozier’s version)

"It took me a really long time to grasp"

As for the TikTok mention, that user could be referring to a viral post from content creator Ella, who explained the second interpretation. "It took me a really long time to grasp," they said. "It's more like a 'ha, the joke's on you' from the car that you're honking at with that sticker on."

Thousands of other users weighed in with their reactions, including many instances of the popular response "WHAT?"

On a related note, lots of people have recently experienced a "today years old" learning moment related to a specific "honk" bumper sticker. In a Reddit thread, one user admitted, "I just realized the phrase 'honk if you're horny' is a pun about horns," and they weren't the only one making that realization. "I even hear this phrase a lot," someone added, "but never made the connection."

From Your Site Articles
cars
CultureJoy
Education

Communication expert shares 3-step reset method for dealing with extremely negative people

Some folks live to rain on your parade.

negativity, thumbs down, man in suit, judgement, no good, bad
via Canva/Photos

A man giving a big thumbs down.

Everyone has that person in their life who casts everything in a negative light. You go out for a great meal, only to hear them complain about the service. They never highlight anyone's positive qualities, just their faults, and the only joy they seem to get comes from putting down the things you love.

It's like they are programmed to be antagonistic about absolutely everything. The problem is that, whether they're friends, family members, or co-workers, we're stuck dealing with people who drain our energy and have a knack for ruining a good time.

Fortunately for us, communication expert Jefferson Fisher recently shared a three-step reset method on YouTube for dealing with these impossible people. Fisher, who has become massively popular on social media, offers tips "to help people argue less and talk more."


How to deal with negative people

Here is Fisher's three-step reset method for dealing with negative energy:

1. Don't absorb the negativity

"Don't absorb what they said," Fisher says. "Instead, we're going to call it out. You're going to say it out loud. That means when you claim it, you control it. Meaning, you control your own reactions to it. That's the takeaway there."

Examples include:

"This feels tense."

"This feels heated."

"I'm sensing some negativity."

2. Call out the truth, not the tone

"When that happens to the negative energy, you're going to send it right back by having them repeat it," he says. "How? It's very similar to how I recommend handling insults. See, they can't repackage it in the same way again when you ask them to repeat it the same way. They can't say it the same way. Then they just look terrible."

@arnaldo.sifre

Master Negative Energy_ React to Truth, Not Tone Discover the simple but powerful technique Jefferson Fisher uses to stop negative energy without arguing or escalating. Instead of reacting to someone’s tone, you focus on the truth behind their words. The method? ➡️ Ask them to repeat what they said. Most passive-aggressive people cannot package their negativity the same way twice. When they repeat it, the tone weakens and the truth comes out. If it’s still negative, calmly ask again: “I need you to say that again—better.” This forces clarity, removes hostility, and shifts the power back to you. Stop reacting to tone. Start uncovering truth. Transform every interaction starting today. #fyp #CommunicationSkills #JeffersonFisher #ConfidenceTips #EmotionalIntelligence #StopNegativity #PassiveAggressive #BetterConversations #MindsetMatters #HealthyBoundaries #LifeSkills #SpeakUp #PersonalGrowth #RelationshipSkills #foryourpage

3. Protect your presence

"You cannot control another person's mood," he adds. "You cannot make somebody happier. That is their choice. … Big takeaway: you are making sure that your mind acknowledges the negative energy, but it neither matches it nor tries to attach to it. That's the difference. That's how you handle the negative energy."

Here's the whole video:

- YouTube youtu.be

Why are some people so negative?

A primary reason some people are overwhelmingly negative is that they are extremely fearful and hyperfocus on the negative aspects of life.

"In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected by others, the fear of not being loved by others, and the fear that 'bad things' are going to happen," Raj Raghunathan, PhD, writes in Psychology Today.

Humans also have a negativity bias, which means we're more primed to respond to negative than positive stimuli. That's why we remember insults far more often than praise and are more likely to recall negative moments than positive ones.

Why all the negativity? It's a survival technique. People who can detect danger and harmful situations are much more likely to survive than those who focus on the positive. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to make a conscious effort to see the good in the world.

Even though negative people can be a burden to be around, taking Fisher's advice and refusing to let them affect our presence can turn them into a reminder to reset and refocus on the positive in life.

From Your Site Articles
communication tips
EducationLearning
Trending Stories