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Reimagining what 'beauty influencer' means: an expert in the psychology of beauty weighs in

Dr. Rhett Diessner's research points to beauty being so much more important than we might think.

woman putting on red lipstick and a woman standing and looking out over the mountains
Photo (left) by Megan Ruth on Unsplash, Photo (right) by lucas wesney on Unsplash

Let's take a deep dive into how beauty influences us.

When you picture a "beauty influencer," you probably don't imagine a balding, bearded, bespectacled retired psychology professor surrounded by piles of papers. But I would put Dr. Rhett Diessner up against any TikTok creator on Earth when it comes to beauty, as he's spent over two decades deeply studying the subject and has a profound understanding of how it influences us.

Around 1998, while teaching at a small international university in Switzerland, Diessner had an epiphany. As he explored the villages, lakes and mountains in the area, he found himself enamored with the picturesque landscapes, soaring cathedrals, incredible art and soul-stirring ideas that surrounded him. In moments of meditation, he began to see appreciation of beauty as more than just an enjoyable pastime.

"It dawned on me that beauty has spiritual roots," Diessner tells Upworthy. "That it's really a foundational aspect of being human, a very important aspect of our soul." Searching religious scripture confirmed this idea, and he decided he would focus his academic research on the human trait of attraction to beauty.


We know beauty when we see it—or perhaps we know it when we feel it—but how do we define it? What exactly is beauty? What are the qualities that make something beautiful?

Diessner chuckles at this question. "Notable philosopher of beauty in America Crispin Sartwell says beauty is famous as a concept that not only should not be defined, but perhaps cannot be defined," he says. "But then, of course, I go ahead and define it."

Beauty exists in three places, Diessner explains. It's in our mind as the beholder when we perceive something as beautiful, it's in the object we're beholding as it provides a stimulus for our brain, and it's in the interaction between the two.

"At the same time, we want to know what these things that we find beautiful have in common. And this is where it gets pretty cool," Diessner says. "Most of the world's most famous philosophers, starting with Plato and Aristotle, say that what everything beautiful has in common is unity in diversity. They have different phrases for it—they might call it unity in variety—but basically it boils down to the concept that when we see a variety of elements organized and unified, this almost always appeals to our mind as something beautiful."

sunset over rolling hills

Sunsets are a universal example of natural beauty.

Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

Diessner has focused his studies on four categories of beauty:

Natural beauty: The beauty of nature. Humans are attracted to sunsets, mountains, the ocean, flowers, the patterns on a butterfly's wings, etc. The beauty of the natural world is recognized universally. "Even in towns and cities, we see it in the green spaces. We hear it in the birds next to our house," Diessner points out.

Artistic beauty: Human-made beauty. Art, architecture, dance, theater, music—all the beautiful things people create. Diessner explains that even the make-up tricks "beauty influencers" demonstrate while supporting the billion-dollar beauty industry have their roots in artistic beauty. "Applying paints and textures to our face and body—we've been doing this as long back as thousands and thousands of years, and there's clearly some artistic skill involved," he says.

Moral beauty: Also known as "inner beauty," this is the beauty we see when a person displays virtuous qualities—kindness, compassion, altruism, honesty, caring. "When people are in difficult circumstances and have hope, when somebody stands up for social justice when other people are oppressed, when somebody opens their heart with love for people that might be difficult to love. We're like, 'Whoa, that's beautiful,'" says Diessner.

Beautiful ideas: "Peace on Earth and goodwill toward men" is a beautiful idea. Philosophical, religious, spiritual concepts can be beautiful. For mathematicians, even certain math equations are seen as beautiful. "Einstein is recorded as saying that the beauty of an equation was more important to him than whether it actually corresponded with physical reality," Diessner shares.

Some of our attraction to beauty can be explained by evolutionary psychology. As Diessner explains, we are at least partially attracted to water and greenery in nature because they mean food and hydration, without which we wouldn't survive or reproduce. We are attracted to vistas and sweeping landscapes because being up high meant safety and the ability to see predators coming as well as being able to find food and water sources more easily.

Some of what appeals to our attraction to beauty trait is also culturally influenced. This is particularly true of artistic beauty, but moral beauty can also be appreciated differently by people based on what is valued the most in their culture. However, people are universally attracted to these four kinds of beauty, even if their individual preferences within those categories differ.

someone holding an older person's hand

Moral beauty includes kindness, compassion and caring for others.

Photo by Saulo Meza on Unsplash

Is one kind of beauty more important than the others? Not necessarily, but Diessner does refer to moral beauty the "big prize." He cites a not-yet-published study from Berkeley's Dacher Keltner—"the world's greatest researcher on awe" according to Diessner—in which researchers asked 100 people from all over the world what makes them feel awe. The top answer was moral beauty—a result that surprised Keltner and Diessner alike.

"He expected, just like I did, for it to be natural beauty—'Oh that mountain!'—but no, the number one cause of awe cross-culturally is seeing people's virtues in action," says Diessner.

The problem in the modern age is that is when you search for "beauty" on Google, social media, or stock photo sites, all you see are beauty product ads and tutorials. So where where does all of that fit into this picture?

Diessner says there is power in being seen as physically beautiful. "Physical looks give you a higher income at your job. They help get you the job," he says. "There's a lot of research that shows that people actually judge physically beautiful people as more morally good. That's been found over and over and in multiple countries."

However, he points out, "the reverse is also true. The more we notice somebody's inner beauty the more physically beautiful we start to think they are. Isn't that great?"

Not only does beauty have the power to transform our minds to see things differently, but Diessner's research shows that engagement with these four types of beauty might actually help change the world. In fact, one study he led found that the appreciation of beauty trait predicted pro-environmental behavior and moral elevation—caring for the planet and striving to be better people—better than 23 other character strengths did, lending support to the idea that broadening how we think of and engage with beauty is far more important than we might think.

"When we put everything in the physical beauty bag, we often, at some point, feel like we don't have anything," Diessner says. "Whereas being engaged with natural beauty, artistic beauty or especially the beauty of virtues, we build up a lot of inner resources."

"We live our entire life in only one place, and that's our mind," he explains. "We think we're touching stuff and smelling stuff, but all that's happening inside our mind. It's the only place we're ever going to be, and when you engage with beauty, you make your mind a more beautiful place to be. The research also shows that the more beautiful our mind is the more likely we are to serve others, the more likely we are to engage in prosocial behavior, the more likely we are to start thinking of the common good and not our own little selfish desires. This is really one of the most powerful things about beauty."

Finally, Diessner says that a person's appreciation of beauty trait can be enhanced, like improving a skill, both with practice and by seeing engagement with beauty being modeled by others.

So what if we reimagined what "beauty influencer" meant based on Diessner's research? What if a "model" was someone who showcased the beauty of engaging with nature, art, virtue or beautiful ideas? What if we encouraged people to hone their appreciation of beauty trait in service to humanity and created more opportunities for engaging with beauty? What if we celebrated beauty more in our interactions with each other and viewed it not as a superfluous extra in life but as a genuine necessity for us to collectively thrive?

Diessner's conclusion after over 20 years of research is that human appreciation of beauty can actually help save the world. That definitely seems like a "beauty tutorial" series worth creating and sharing.

You can watch Rhett Diessner's TEDx Talk, "The Psychology of Beauty and Love," here.


Teachers reveal they taught hungry after mom cries over empty classroom

It's August, which means a lot of kids have either started school already or are heading back. The back-to-school month also means an influx of parents voicing their grievances on the internet. Everything from not wanting their children to share school supplies to the teacher's wish list items. What is typically an exciting time for children can be a stressful time for parents and teachers for different reasons.

One disappointed mom took to the internet in tears due to the lack of classroom decor in her child's classroom for "meet the teacher." It could be that this is the mom's first time sending a little one off to school, as to the reason she didn't know that there would likely be more decorating happening before the first day of school. Either way, her tearful reaction to the lack of decorations caused a few teachers to reveal the reality they face.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Overwhelmed with emotion.Photo credit: Canva

Most teachers, especially those of little ones, want to have their classrooms decked out in all the colorful, age-appropriate decor, but in reality, that costs money. Often, money neither teachers nor the school districts have. This is why public school teachers have wish lists that they pass out before the first day of school; some even create Amazon lists so people outside of their district can help. It's a pretty common understanding that teachers don't make a lot of money, but for some parents, just how little teachers make may be overlooked.

A teacher who goes by Mrs. Frazzled on social media recently reacted to the post of the crying mom. In this case, the teacher lived up to her social media moniker because what followed was more PG-13 than her usual content. Someone who goes by the name Kubi responded to Mrs. Frazzled's rant with an eye-opening reality, "My first year as a teacher I made 27K and my room was empty because I could[n't] afford to buy things for it. and I didn't even get my first check until 30 days in so I taught HUNGRY the first month."

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Stressed at the desk, seeking a moment of calm.Photo credit: Canva

The confession prompted Mrs. Frazzled to commiserate with her own, revealing, "I also taught hungry my first year of teaching. That's part of why this whole thing made me so freaking mad. I'll tell you my story as a first-year teacher because it is not a unique story by any means, clearly."

She goes on to share that student teaching isn't paid and comes at the end of teaching certification, which requires soon-to-be-teachers to teach during the day for free, then attend classes at night. This essentially means there's no feasible way for student teachers to make enough money to cover living expenses unless they forego their sleep. Mrs. Frazzled says that in the spring of her student teaching, she had a major life event that resulted in her looking for a new place to live on virtually no income.

"On the heels of this happening, I'm starting my first year as a teacher. And you do not get paid for the first month that you teach, so nine months, no work. Summer, very minimal work. Then you start school, and you need to have a fully furnished and ready classroom, because if you've seen a government-sponsored classroom, you know it is very barren in there."

The woman reveals that she couldn't afford to live in the area where she taught, so her commute was anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. She also confesses that the only reason she had anything in her classroom was because "parents kinda carried me on my back financially." They purchased the things she needed, including a big, colorful rug that can run well over $500.

teacher; teacher pay; low pay; teachers; mom cries; undecorated classroom; back to school Storytime circle with kids and teachers in the classroom.Photo credit: Canva

"My first month of teaching, I was so stinking poor. I had a mattress on the floor, no refrigerator. I had a couch that I dumpster dove for, and I was driving Postmates after school so that I could get like $12 to buy dinner or whatever. I remember crying because I needed Q-Tips and I couldn't afford Q-Tips. I had to go Postmates for hours to make enough to buy Q-Tips. This is the reality of teaching in the United States," Mrs. Frazzled shares.

It's a reality check that some parents may not be ready to hear when their expectations fall short of the reality teachers are living. Feeling disappointed when something doesn't meet your expectations is understandable, but when it comes to classroom decor and supplies, it takes a village.

via Twins Trust / Twitter

Twins born from different dads.

Twins born with separate fathers are rare in the human population. Although there isn't much known about heteropaternal superfecundation—as it's known in the scientific community—a study published in The Guardian says that about one in every 400 sets of fraternal twins has different fathers.

This can happen the "natural" way if a woman releases two eggs during her menstrual cycle and then has intercourse with two different men within a short span of time. This could result in both eggs being fertilized by a different man. Both fertilizations would have to occur within 12 to 24 hours. But in this story, it happened due to a bit of modern science.

Simon and Graeme Berney-Edwards, a gay married couple, from London, England both wanted to be the biological father of their first child. "We couldn't decide on who would be the biological father," Simon told The Daily Mail. "Graeme said it should be me, but I said that he had just as much right as I did."

The only way to make it happen would be to have twins through in vitro fertilization. But they would have to find a doctor who would implant embryos from separate fathers in the same surrogate. They knew it wouldn't happen in England, so they looked for a doctor and surrogate mother in a different country.

"I saw Simon and Graeme's profile on a surrogacy website and I thought they had lovely smiles," Meg Stone, the Canadian soon-to-be surrogate, said. "I had recently split with my partner, and I wasn't ready for another baby, so I wanted to help someone."

Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents The coule and their surrogate.via Meg Seroski-Stone / Facebook


Meg was already a mother of two children, Jeffrey, 12, and Max, five. The couple flew out to Los Angeles, where they both fertilized eggs from an anonymous donor. Then, they journeyed to Canada, where they met with Meg to be sure she was the perfect fit. "We were nervous at the beginning—in case that we didn't click with her. But we needn't have worried," Simon said.

Six months later, one fertilized embryo of Simon's and one embryo of Graeme's were inserted into Meg's womb. The couple spent a stressful week hoping both embryos would take. They were afraid that one of the fathers' embryos would work, the other wouldn't, and they'd have to eventually go through the same process again.

"She FaceTimed us from the scanning room. First of all, we saw one heartbeat, and our stomachs clenched with nerves," Simon said. "Then we saw the other heartbeat. Graeme and I just hugged each other," he continued. "We were just over the moon. We were both going to be dads—she was pregnant with both of our babies."

The couple kept in close touch with Meg over the coming weeks and flew back to Canada for her 19-week scan. The two proud fathers-to-be were delighted to touch her belly and feel their babies kicking inside the womb. At 31 weeks, Meg was in pain and thought she was about to go into labor. So the two men quickly packed their bags and flew to Canada.

"We dashed to the hospital when we arrived, to find out it was a false alarm," Simon said. "We were just so relieved that she and the babies were fine." The couple remained in Canada, and five weeks later, Meg gave birth to Calder and Alexandra Berney Edwards.

"It was the most amazing experience of our lives," Simon said. "Alexandra was born first and then Calder arrived minutes later. "When we both held them for the first time, we couldn't believe that we were both daddies," he added. "It was a long way to go and do this, but it was worth it to both be able to have fathered one of the twins each."

"Calder was the double of Graeme, and Alexandra was the image of me," Simon said. The couple remained in Canada for seven more weeks before they could take their newborns home. Then, they hopped on a plane and returned to England. But sadly, they had to leave a new member of their family behind.

"It was sad to say goodbye to Meg, When we brought them home for the first time, it was just incredible," Simon said. "Since then, they have gone from strength to strength. They are doing so well and hitting all their milestones." The twins recently celebrated their first birthday, and the fathers flew Meg out to celebrate with them. "Simon and Graeme are like brothers to me now," Meg said. "They call me the twins 'Tummy Mummy' which I love."


Simon Berney-Edwards, Graeme Berney-Edwards, Meg Stone, surrogate parents, same-sex parents Simon, Greame and their babies.via LGBT News World


This story originally appeared five years ago.

Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!


This article originally appeared last year.

The ultimate father-daughter duet.

If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that we're living in a very, very mad world right now. Listening to the lyrics of the song "Mad World," it has perhaps never felt more fitting.

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Umm, yeah. Going nowhere indeed. And it just gets more apropos:

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Oof. Le sigh.

Tears for Fears front man Curt Smith and his daughter, Diva, performed the the song on YouTube, and it's gorgeous. Frankly, Diva is the one who steals the show, as it takes an immediately impressive turn when she pipes in with her perfect harmony.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Just beautiful.

"Her harmonizing tho. It sends shivers down my spine. It needn't be better," one viewer wrote.

Another gushed. "As a father to daughters, I love this. As a musician, I love this. As a Tears for Fears fan, I love this. As a person with ears connected to my brain with a beating heart, I love this."

Oddly enough, the version they sing is actually a cover of a cover of an original Tears for Fears song. The original Tears for Fears version from 1982 had a quicker tempo and techno beat. It wasn't until the song was covered by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews for the 2001 movie Donnie Darko that the song became the haunting ballad we're most familiar with.

As for Diva, she has followed in her father's footsteps, crafting her own career as a singer songwriter. Below is a snippet from one of her most recent singles, titled “I Can See in the Dark”


She also has plenty of solo covers, like this one of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Honestly, Diva makes it so much her own, you can barely recognize it.

It might be a mad world we're livin' in, but it's not without talented artists to make something beautiful of all the madness.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

Reflecting on life's closed doors.

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.

Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."

4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."

6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"

9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."


aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60 Photo credit: Canva

13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared last year.