+
upworthy
Joy

Woman shares how the 'bird test' always determines if her relationships will last

"It never fails."

dating, dating red flags, dating apps, bird test, john gottman, bids for connection
Canva, @alyssacardib/TikTok

Alyssa Caribardi says the 'bird test' can be uses for romantic and platonic relationships

Even with all the fancy apps and preference based algorithms, dating isn’t always easy. It’s a challenge to find true and lasting compatibility, and to know whether a person truly has your best interests at heart, or is simply on their best behavior.

But, people find their ways to navigate romance, nonetheless. Be it through a series of simple questions or hard-and-fast red flags, there are some modern-day strategies that can be used to filter out true potential partners.

The “Bird Test” is one of those strategies.


Though TikTokker Alyssa Caribardi doesn’t claim to have created the bird test, it’s something she “lives and dies by,” and she’s happy to give folks the rundown on what it is.

According to Caribardi, the bird test goes a little something like this: if you're out and about with someone, and notice a bird, then point it out with enthusiasm, notice how the other person responds. If they mirror your “genuine curiosity” for this seemingly insignificant thing, “that’s a really good sign” the relationship will last a long time.

'"It never fails," Caribardi claims, adding that while this is primarily used for screening romantic relationships, it can be used for platonic ones as well, sharing that a woman who matched her excitement for a woodpecker outside a Starbucks became a close friend.

Watch below. Note that this video contains some curse words.

@alyssacardib

Bird test

♬ original sound - Lyss Lyss

As many viewers were quick to note, the bird test echoes what psychologist and renowned relationship expert John Gottman calls “bids for connection.”

Gottman says that bids for connections can be verbal or non verbal, and take on myriad tones, but all share the common goal of expressing “connect with me please!” to a partner. Everything from a playful wink to asking how a work meeting went would fall under this category.

Gottman also explains that repeated rejection of bids for connection spell disaster for relationships.

“When our partner denies our bids, we internalize the experience. Our brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticize our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument,” he says, even going so far as to say that couples more often break up because of denied bids for connections than big fights or infidelity.

So, call it a bird test or a bid, the messaging remains the same, regardless of semantics. Relationships thrive when partners pay attention to each other’s interests, and turn towards those interests with the intention to create an emotional bond. Perhaps this is even more important than naturally shared passions.

In other words: if someone isn’t able to light up at seeing a woodpecker outside a Starbucks in the same way you do, maybe they’re not meant for you.

Community

Decluttering top of mind for 2024? This Facebook group can help

This online community offers easy-to-implement advice for decluttering, organizing, and cleaning up your home and your life with support from 125,000 members.

With the new year comes plenty of resolutions we all vow to keep up with the best of intentions. But by February 1, our resolve has often waned as life gets in the way and things go back to how they were. What we all need a little more of is motivation.

When we participate in something collectively, it’s easier to meet goals and maintain the enthusiasm to get things done. While the support of a friend or two is great, imagine having the power of an entire online community cheering you on and offering advice along the way.

This is where the Daily Decluttering Challenge Facebook group comes in. This online community offers easy-to-implement advice for decluttering, organizing, and cleaning up your home and your life with support from 125,000 members.

“By building a network of people who can support and encourage you along the way, you can make progress towards your goals faster and more effectively. Remember, no one achieves success alone, and having a strong support system can make the difference in a goal set versus a goal achieved,” says Kristin Burke, a goal achievement coach.

In addition to tips for tidying up around the house, members share advice on how to tackle one thing at a time, where to donate excess items, and what they do to exercise more willpower to avoid buying new things.

For anyone hoping to declutter their lives in the new year, this Facebook group has the perfect challenge to get you started.

Keep ReadingShow less
Identity

13 side-by-side portraits of people over 100 with their younger selves

These powerful before-and-after photos reveal just how beautiful aging can be.

Jan Langer's incredible photos are timeless.

Czech photographer Jan Langer's portrait series "Faces of Century" shows them in a different light: as human beings aged by years of experience, but at their deepest level, unchanged by the passing of time.

In the series, Langer juxtaposes his portraits with another portrait of the subject from decades earlier. He recreates the original pose and lighting as closely as he can — he wants us to see them not just as they are now, but how they have and haven't changed over time. That is the key to the series.

These are the rare faces of people who have lived through two world wars, a cavalcade of regimes, and the rush of advancements in modern life. These photos, and the stories of the lives lived by the people in them, show not only the beauty of aging, but how even as we age, we still remain essentially ourselves.

Keep ReadingShow less
Science

Viral video shows how to find your vestigial organs

Your tailbone was once an anchor for … your tail.

Image from Vox on YouTube.

Evolution of the body is divergent.

The human body is an amazing organism, to say the least.

To watch an athlete dunk a basketball or a ballerina turn a pirouette is to witness an extraordinary machine at work. But the human body is also a biological junkyard of useless ideas it has yet to ditch as we evolve.

Keep ReadingShow less
@ashleyteacozy/TikTok

Every generation has it's own flavor of fun

The coming of age era known as your twenties are a time for experimentation, branching out, learning about different aspects of yourself, and of course, having stupid fun.

Of course, every generation's definition of fun varies. Just what might Gen Zers, those who navigated their teenhood through TikTok and basically came of drinking age during a global pandemic, do to elicit feelings of fun?

Thirty-two year old (read: millennial) Ashley Tea wondered this very thing. In a video that went viral on TikTok, she shared "I genuinely think millennials got to have a way better time than Gen Z does."
Keep ReadingShow less



Pregnant.

There it was, clear as day, two blue lines staring back at me from the small pregnancy test I had just purchased.

I double-checked...

One line = not pregnant.

Two lines = pregnant.

Photo via iStock.


Keep ReadingShow less


Recent polls suggest that Republicans and Democrats have slightly different tastes that have nothing to do with politics.

If you like cats, The Beatles, and Starbucks, you tend to vote Democrat. If you're into Toby Keith, Budweiser, and Dunkin' Donuts, you tend to vote Republican.

But an interesting new quiz claims to be 98 percent effective at determining people's political affiliations by asking questions that have zero to do with politics.

Keep ReadingShow less
Identity

Artist captures how strangers react to her body in public and it's fascinating

Haley Morris-Cafiero's photos might make you rethink how you look at people.

Credit: Haley Morris-Cafiero

Artist Haley Morris-Cafiero describes herself on her website as "part performer, part artist, part provocateur, part spectator." Her recent project, titled "Wait Watchers" has elements of all her self-descriptors.

In an email to us, Morris-Cafiero explained that she set up a camera in the street and stood in front of it, doing mundane activities like looking at a map or eating gelato. While she's standing there she sets off her camera, taking hundreds of photos.

Keep ReadingShow less