Woman was crying alone in a frozen yogurt store parking lot when a note from two strangers changed her life

"Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.” – Marcus Aurelius

How many times have philosophers and meditation experts suggested we "live in the now"? Countless bestselling books have been written on the topic and it's no doubt a helpful tool in reducing anxiety, depression, and other mental health barriers that many of us struggle with. In other words, it's a perfectly lovely idea—and an important one.

But, according to one neuroscientist, it's actually impossible. In fact, she suggests that we need to reframe how we think about time—and our space in it—in order to truly thrive.

On an episode of The Mindbodygreen podcast, Caroline Leaf, Ph.D., BSc, suggests that we give ourselves a break about "living in the present." She says to instead think about how time has a linear story. Everything in your past (and that's everything at the time you're reading this) will inform everything that is to come. So living "in the now", while a nice idea. is a fool's errand. The idea gives the illusion that if one can't do that, there's something wrong.

She says, "You have a narrative, you have a story, you are responding in this moment because of everything else about you. We spend between one-half and three-quarters of our day in our minds time-traveling between the past, present, and future." This is absolutely not to say we shouldn't strive for present-living. Just that we should be aware that there's always past experiences and future uncertainty that informs every waking moment.

Olivia Giacomo further explains this idea, writing in a podcast companion piece on Mindbodygreen.com to "think of your non-conscious mind as an endless forest, rich with thoughts and memories. Those memories are never rooted in the present: Once they occur, they're immediately existing in the past. Then once a memory has been consolidated, it has the power to affect your future by informing you of what has and could happen."

Many have tackled this idea and some disagree. In a piece for the BBC, clinical psychologist and professor at University College of London, Dr. Joseph Oliver, gives his thoughts on the matter. He discusses mindfulness and living "in the present," and while he notes that there is a distinction (mindfulness is more about taking note of one's thoughts), he does believe through meditation and practice one can learn to live in the now.

Regardless of how technical one wants to get about the possibility of "nowness," Leaf offers ways to reframe the idea of thoughts and feelings about the past and future taking up space in the mind and ultimately rewiring the brain. Jason Wachob gives a "step-by-step" using Leaf's methods:

"GATHER" information.

This is the time to dig deep into what you're really thinking. Leaf suggests breathwork and meditation. The question is: WHAT do I think? WHAT do I feel?

"REFLECT" on your thoughts.

Now we move into the "why" of it. Once you're relatively aware of what your thoughts and the emotions that follow them are, you can start reverse-engineering where it came from. Look for patterns in your triggers.

JOURNAL your feelings.

It's important to note that actually writing with your hand and not a computer is best. Leaf shares, "There's so much science behind writing," she says. "When you write, you activate certain parts of the brain in a beautiful way."

RE-FRAME:

"Take the sting out of the emotions," Leaf urges. Try to look at it from an aerial view, perhaps by asking yourself: Would this be bothersome if it happened to a friend…or is it just me who it overwhelms?

TAKE ACTION:

Defined as "active reach," this simply means thinking about ways (big or small) that you can take action when your mind starts to negatively wander. For me personally, when an anxious thought pops in, I literally say out loud (when I can), "That thought does not serve me." It's amazing how much it can help.

Again, Leaf isn't the first or only person to suggest these methods. It's similar in some ways to the concept of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which guides people to examine their thoughts, look at the feelings that are a result of those thoughts, look at patterns, and then try new approaches.

Redditors also had some questions on "in the now" as well. On the subreddit r/Meditation, someone asks, "Why is being present so important?" They ask a number of follow-up questions: "What does 'being present' mean in the context of awareness, consciousness, state of mind/being, etc.? Why is the human mind seemingly 'built' or easily resists being in the present moment? If being present is such a better way to exist, then why do we have a limited sense of perceiving time? I'll admit, I'm probably missing something really basic and simple here, but every time I see statements or quotes about 'being present' I sort of get confused because I feel like I'm present all the time whether I'm aware of it or not. So I ask, what does being present mean to you?"

There are many interesting comments, but perhaps the most profound is this:

"It's not so much being in the present. In Buddhism, there's the expression 'the 4th moment.' The 4th moment is 'nowness' — not past, present, or future. If you meditate and do something like watching your breath, you'll find that it's very difficult to pay attention for even a few seconds without spacing out. We cycle through emotional conflict, fantasy, bright ideas, and so on. We imagine that we're conscious beings who think by choice, but it turns out that we're almost entirely unconscious. So meditation cultivates attention — being where you are.

Why is that important? Aside from the most obvious point that we may not want to pass our lives in a vague reverie, there's also the fact that we actually don't enjoy discursive looping and conflicting emotions. They're a generator of anxiety."