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A safe, stable home can change lives for the better. Here’s how Habitat for Humanity wants to make that possible for everyone.
Better health, better jobs, and a brighter future all start with access to a safe, affordable home.
A single door can open up a world of endless possibilities. For homeowners, the front door of their house is a gateway to financial stability, job security, and better health. Yet for many, that door remains closed. Due to the rising costs of housing, 1 in 3 people around the world wake up without the security of safe, affordable housing.
Since 1976, Habitat for Humanity has made it their mission to unlock and open the door to opportunity for families everywhere, and their efforts have paid off in a big way. Through their work over the past 50 years, more than 65 million people have gained access to new or improved housing, and the movement continues to gain momentum. Since 2011 alone, Habitat for Humanity has expanded access to affordable housing by a hundredfold.
A world where everyone has access to a decent home is becoming a reality, but there’s still much to do. As they celebrate 50 years of building, Habitat for Humanity is inviting people of all backgrounds and talents to be part of what comes next through Let’s Open the Door, a global campaign that builds on this momentum and encourages people everywhere to help expand access to safe, affordable housing for those who need it most. Here’s how the foundation to a better world starts with housing, and how everyone can pitch in to make it happen.
Volunteers raise a wall for the framework of a new home during the first day of building at Habitat for Humanity’s 2025 Carter Work Project. Globally, almost 3 billion people, including 1 in 6 U.S. families, struggle with high costs and other challenges related to housing. A crisis in itself, this also creates larger problems that affect families and communities in unexpected ways. People who lack affordable, stable housing are also more likely to experience financial hardship in other areas of their lives, since a larger share of their income often goes toward rent, utilities, and frequent moves. They are also more likely to experience health problems due to chronic stress or environmental factors, such as mold. Housing insecurity also goes hand-in-hand with unstable employment, since people may need to move further from their jobs or switch jobs altogether to offset the cost of housing.
Affordable homeownership creates a stable foundation for families to thrive, reducing stress and increasing the likelihood for good health and stable employment. Habitat for Humanity builds and repairs homes with individual families, but it also strengthens entire communities as well. The MicroBuild® Initiative, for example, strengthens communities by increasing access to loans for low-income families seeking to build or repair their homes. Habitat ReStore locations provide affordable appliances and building materials to local communities, in addition to creating job and volunteer opportunities that support neighborhood growth.
Marsha and her son pose for a photo while building their future home with Southern Crescent Habitat for Humanity in Georgia. Everyone can play a part in the fight for housing equity and the pursuit of a better world. Over the past 50 years, Habitat for Humanity has become a leader in global housing thanks to an engaged network of volunteers—but you don’t need to be skilled with a hammer to make a meaningful impact. Building an equitable future means calling on a wide range of people and talents.
Here’s how you can get involved in the global housing movement:- Speaking up on social media about the growing housing crisis
- Volunteering on a Habitat for Humanity build in your local community
- Travel and build with Habitat in the U.S. or in one of 60+ countries where we work around the globe
- Join the Let’s Open the Door movement and, when you donate, you can create your own personalized door
- Shop or donate at your local Habitat ReStore
Every action, big and small, drives a global movement toward a better future. A safe home unlocks opportunity for families and communities alike, but it’s volunteers and other supporters, working together with a shared vision, who can open the door for everyone.
Visit habitat.org/open-door to learn more and get involved today.
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Anne Hathaway shares the ‘unintended consequence’ of her iconic ‘Princess Diaries’ makeover
One of the film’s most memorable moments came with a “terrible side effect.”
It’s a trope as old as time: the charming, yet conventionally unattractive girl gets a makeover, and suddenly her looks match her winning personality, opening an entire world of possibilities…and love interests.
And how do we know she’s conventionally unattractive? Glasses (because attractive people don’t read and can see perfectly, duh) and unkempt curly hair.
In pop culture, almost nothing instantly clocks a woman as less desirable or polished. At best, they can be the carefree bohemian or funny best friend. But you can bet you bottom dollar that if they are to be seen as a romantic love interest in any way, shape, or form, that hair is gonna be flat-ironed within an inch of its life. It’s screenwriting 101, people.
An era-defining transformation
One lasting example of this is the makeover scene in The Princess Diaries, wherein Mia Thermopolis (played by Anne Hathaway) goes from adorkable to refined thanks to a bit of hair straightening, plus some makeup, contacts, and intense eyebrow tweezing.
In a recent interview with People, Hathaway shared that the filmmaker never actually intended to promote the “curly = ugly” stereotype. It was actually just a logistical strategy.
“My natural hair is rather straight, so we had to create a contrast,” she shared, adding that going with her naturally straight hair meant “less time in the makeup trailer” overall.
…with “unintended consequences”
As a result, however, the message many audiences read was “curly hair is unattractive,” which Hathaway labeled as a “terrible, completely unintended side effect.”
If the comments section was any indicator, Hathaway was correct in saying the “unintended consequence” of that scene was the profound effect it left with viewers.
“I (a curly haired girly) started straightening my hair after I saw the scene at 12.”
“Yeah, watching this movie when it came out as someone who had curly hair and glasses did something to me lol.”
“I had curly hair and glasses when this movie came out and was bullied for both. I was in middle school and to this day I can’t watch this movie because it made me feel like the bullies were right. As an adult I know better but the gut feelings are still there.”
Granted, the creative decision might have been made in part for practical reasons, but let’s not forget that this movie came out in the early 2000s…a fairly rigid time period for beauty standards overall. The Princess Diaries was far from the only movie to portray curls (or glasses, or freckles, or anything past a size 2) as “ugly.” For all its good parts, the film was definitely a product of its time.
Straightening out the curl narrative
Thankfully, we’ve seen a lot of progress in this department. Not only do we see far more characters in media sporting their curls, but, thanks to social media, there’s a much larger wealth of knowledge for how to style and take care of curly hair.
Truly, there’s an entire language (I’m 2C to 3B type myself…iykyk) dedicated to curls now that simply did not exist at an earlier time. Not knowing that curls require an entirely different routine left many of us to resort to straightening or making peace with feeling like the ”ugly” one.
Even still, curls that aren’t styled and left in their Mia Thermopolis state are still often viewed by society as unprofessional, undesirable, or unclean in some way. That’s why representation matters. It’s so important to have our pop culture reflect a different reality so that we might start internalizing a different story and unlearning harmful stigma.
All this to say…Princess Diaries 3 should definitely let Mia’s curls go free. Just sayin’.
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After Spirit Airlines’ captain’s retirement flight was canceled, Southwest celebrated him with class
Pilot Jon Jackson’s scheduled final flight from Fort Lauderdale to Baltimore was canceled when the airline ceased operations.
After 34 years of being America’s favorite budget airline (or most notorious, depending on who you ask), Spirit Airlines ceased operations at 3 a.m. on Saturday, May 2. The airline had been experiencing financial difficulties since the late 2010s, and after negotiations with the Trump Administration to secure a $500 million bailout stalled, it ceased operations.
“It is with great disappointment that Spirit Airlines has started winding down its global operations, effective immediately,” the airline said in a statement on May 2. “All flights have been canceled, and customer service is no longer available. While we are not able to help rebook your flight on another airline, we will automatically process refunds for any flights purchased through Spirit with a credit or debit card to the original form of payment.”
Captain Jon Jackson took the final flight of his career as a passenger
Spirit’s closure will result in 17,000 people who were directly or indirectly involved with the airline losing their jobs. Among them is Captain Jon Jackson, a pilot who was planning to retire after his scheduled final flight with the airline on May 2. However, the flight from Fort Lauderdale to Baltimore was canceled, so he instead flew to Baltimore on Spirit’s one-time competitor, Southwest Airlines. It must have been hard for Jackson, whose entire career led up to that final flight, where he would receive the ceremonial water cannon salute, to come up one leg short on his journey.
Jackson’s son, Chris, is a Southwest pilot, and he notified his coworkers that his father would be flying on the final leg of his career as a passenger on the airline.
“Chris casually mentioned to the flight’s Pilots that this would have been his dad’s retirement flight,” Southwest wrote on Facebook. “They seized the opportunity to change the course of the day for Capt. Jackson.”
So Southwest arranged an impromptu celebration at the Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport. The airport’s Fire & Rescue team greeted the airplane upon arrival with a traditional water cannon salute. Upon exiting the flight and arriving at his gate, he was handed a bottle of champagne by the Southwest staff. “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jon Jackson!” a woman said over the loudspeaker at the gate, to a round of applause from employees and travelers alike.
Southwest’s gesture for the retiring captain was pure class
“This is overwhelming, I can’t thank you all enough, it’s, you know, as Spirit goes down, this is a sad day, and you guys made it incredible, so thank you so much,” Jackson said at the agate.
After decades of competition among airlines, Southwest’s show of respect for a fellow member of the aviation community demonstrates that the airline business is about much more than turning a profit.
“It was a powerful reminder of the aviation community’s ability to show respect, compassion, and solidarity when it matters most,” Southwest wrote on Facebook. “Above all, this moment was about honoring a fellow aviator. Congratulations, and thank you for your service in the skies, Capt. Jackson.”
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The one question Nietzsche believes everyone should ask themselves before getting married
Getting married is one of the biggest life-changing decisions most people have to make—and also one of the most stressful, according to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory (also known as the Life Change Index Scale.) Even before getting engaged, much thought, time and care are required before exchanging vows. Deciding to commit your life to…
Getting married is one of the biggest life-changing decisions most people have to make—and also one of the most stressful, according to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory (also known as the Life Change Index Scale.) Even before getting engaged, much thought, time and care are required before exchanging vows.
Deciding to commit your life to someone in marriage is something German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) spent a lot of time thinking about. He offered his wise thoughts on marriage to others during his life.
Nietzsche’s advice on whether someone should marry their partner comes down to one simple question. His advice is applicable to anyone debating getting engaged, newly married, or simply dating someone they might consider as a life partner. Nietzsche’s straightforward question can help people decide if one should walk confidently (or not) into marriage.
Friedrich Nietzsche’s important marriage question
Nietzche shared his wisdom with people wondering whether their partner is truly “the one.” He summed up his thoughts with this simple quote and question:
“[D]o you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman [or partner] up into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation.”
According to Nietzsche, the most important thing that will hold a marriage together is not attraction, money, or compatibility. It simply comes down to: do you enjoy talking to this person?
Response to Nietzsche’s marriage advice
Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Mark Manson shared why he strongly believes the advice is the secret for a happy marriage on a recent episode of the Pursuit of Wonder podcast.
He shared, “My favorite quote that I’ve ever heard about marriage came from the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.”
After reciting the quote, he explains why Nietzsche’s advice is so impactful:
“Looks come and go. Interests come and go. Finances come and go. Family problems come and go. But at the end of the day, can you spend the rest of your life in this conversation?” he says. “To me this is so profound because all the things that we care about when we’re young, when we meet somebody 99% of them will not matter anymore once we hit old age. Careers come and go. Money comes and goes. Families come and go. But if you can sustain that conversation through everything else, you can always have a great marriage.”
Nietzsche’s additional thoughts on marriage
Although Nietzsche never married, he wrote often about marriage and offered many theories on it meant to challenge and provoke thought. Nietzsche believed that friendship was paramount to a strong marriage as opposed to romance.
He wrote in Human, All Too Human (Aphorism 378), “The best friend will probably acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is founded on the talent for friendship.”
Nietzsche also wrote, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
As researcher Skye Nettleton explains in her 2009 paper on Nietzsche and marriage, she notes the philosopher also wrote, “Sensuality often makes love grow too quickly, so that the root remains weak and is easy to pull out.”
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A pot left on the stove overnight led to an award-winning science fair project and life-saving device
A problem at home led to a truly innovative idea.
Montreal-based 9th-grader Aviana Machnes didn’t only come up with an award-winning science fair idea, she created a device that could save the lives of dementia patients. It all started with a pot left out on the stove.
As reported by Global News, Machnes’ grandmother, who has early-onset dementia, had forgotten to take a pot off the hot stove, subsequently leaving it there overnight. Finding no solutions to this problem, Machnes decided to tackle it herself.
Using current sensors and motion detectors, Machnes created a device dubbed the Forget-Me-Not that will automatically set off an alarm if no one is around for an extended period of time.
This not only earned Machnes a top placement at her regional science fair (beating out older students) but it’s now something she hopes to patent (along with a phone app) that would be implemented into long-term care homes.
The invention is something that Jesse Clair, one of Machnes’ science teachers, calls a great example of how, even in a school environment, students can “get their hands dirty” to “work on actual real-world problems.”
A growing need for everyday safety solutions
Machnes’ device taps into a very real and increasing need. Dementia affects millions of people worldwide, and one of the most pressing concerns for families and caregivers is safety in the home when individuals are left without supervision. Everyday tasks like cooking can become dangerous when memory lapses occur. Devices like the Forget-Me-Not aim to bridge that gap, offering a layer of protection without taking away independence.
Other innovations are addressing similar concerns. Smart stove shut-off systems, for example, can automatically turn off burners if no movement is detected nearby. Wearable GPS trackers help caregivers locate loved ones who may wander. Some companies have even developed simplified communication tablets designed specifically for those with cognitive decline, allowing users to connect with family through easy-to-navigate interfaces.
Breakthroughs in dementia research
Beyond assistive devices, scientific research is making unprecedented progress in understanding and treating dementia. In recent years, new medications and lifestyle changes have been developed that may slow cognitive decline in patients with early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. In some cases, these changes may even prevent it entirely.
Similarly, advancements in brain imaging have improved early detection, giving patients and families more time to plan and seek treatment. There is also growing interest in personalized care approaches, which tailor therapies to an individual’s specific condition and history.
When science fair ideas change lives
Science fairs have long been the starting point for inventions just like Machnes’ that later found real-world applications. One well-known example is a student-designed early warning system for heart attacks that used simple sensors to detect irregular patterns. Another young inventor created a low-cost water purification system that has since been adapted for use in communities lacking clean drinking water.
These projects often begin with a personal experience, much like Machnes’ story. A problem at home or in the community becomes the catalyst for experimentation. With guidance from teachers and access to basic tools, students can transform these creative ideas into tangible solutions. It really is a team effort.
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Disney re-animates 3 iconic songs to include ASL, and the Deaf community calls it ‘incredible’
“We’ve never done anything like this at Disney Animation before”
On April 27, in celebration of National Deaf History Month, Disney unveiled three beloved songs completely reanimated to feature the characters performing in American Sign Language (ASL).
The idea for the project, titled Songs in Sign Language, came from Senior Animator and Director Hyrum Osmond, whose Disney credits include Frozen (2013) and Zooptopia (2016).
In a special “making of video,” Osmond recalled growing up with a father who was “hard of hearing,” but never learning sign language to communicate with him.
“I have a lot of regret about that, because I couldn’t connect with him. I wanted to take down barriers with this project. It’s really all about connection.”
A groundbreaking effort rooted in authenticity
In a never-before-done undertaking for the studio, a team of more than 20 animators, many of them passionate volunteers, collaborated with the Tony Award-winning company Deaf West Theatre to curate signs that best matched each character’s specific personality.
This didn’t only involve hand movements, but “facial grammar” as well, meaning specific ways the face is used in ASL to further convey linguistic information. Raised eyebrows, for example, are used at the end of a sentence when asking simple questions. Furrowed eyebrows, on the other hand, are used when asking more complex “Who, What, Where, Why” type questions.
These efforts—done without AI, praise be—resulted in new animation for approximately 95% of the shots from “The Next Right Thing” (Frozen 2), “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” (Encanto), and “Beyond” (Moana 2).
This is far from Disney’s first attempt at making its magic available in ASL. There have been many heartwarming stories of characters in the park using sign language to connect with guests. But, save that one episode of the Little Mermaid series in the ’90s (iykyk), this is something completely new.
People are already speaking out in praise of Songs in Sign Language, and hoping it leads to more.
“As someone who is partially deaf in one ear, I fully support this and think it’s very important and heartwarming that they’re doing this.”
“I would love to see more Encanto, Frozen II and Moana 2 songs in ASL! I am currently learning ASL and I’m a senior in high school, my ASL teacher who is hearing and is learning ASL like me and my classmates are would love this!”
Many of the compliments weren’t even about inclusivity. People also shared relief to see “creativity breaking through again,” as one viewer put it.
“Disney if you get back into funding cool, artistic and niche things like this that people want you’ll win people back over !!!!!!! What was special was always the details and that’s been lost the last 6 years or so. This is amazing,” commented one viewer.
DJ Kurs, artistic director for Deaf West Theatre, also hopes the collaboration will lead to more.
“Disney stories are the universal language of childhood. The chance to bring our language into that world was a historic opportunity to reach a global audience. Working on this project was very emotional. For so long, we have known and loved the artistic medium of Disney Animation. Here, the art form was adapting to us. I hope this unlocks possibilities in the minds and hearts of Deaf children, and that this all leads to more down the road.”
Where to watch
Songs in Sign Language is currently only available to stream on Disney+, but we know it’s only a matter of time before the Internet does its thing.
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At 6:30 a.m., Japanese radio plays ten minutes of ‘Radio Taiso’ and it’s getting people moving
“Radio Taiso was inspired a century ago by a similar radio program in the United States.”
It’s early morning and you’re snuggled tightly under the warm covers. Your alarm buzz isn’t quite enough to entice you to get up and en route to begin your day. But what if there was a public radio announcement with a trusty reminder that it’s good for the body, if possible, to get up and move? Well, in Japan, there is.
The Associated Press posted a clip on YouTube of people lightly stretching in various locations across Japan. They explain that this is a common practice. “This is how Japan wakes up,” a voiceover shares. “It’s called Radio Taiso. In English, it’s radio exercise. It’s a very simple idea. At 6:30 in the morning, on the radio, you get music. You get choreography to exercise by. People gather in city parks to do it. People gather in their offices. At schools. You can do it at home.”
Good for all ages
The exercise regimen is nothing too heavy. “The exercises are not very strenuous—just exercise and basic calisthenics,” they explain. “It’s suitable for all ages and everybody can do it. You can exert yourself a lot if you want, but you don’t have to.”
The host of the segment points out that Japan has a “long-lived population.” He shares, “As we all know, Japan is famous for longevity. I wouldn’t say that Radio Taiso is why, but it certainly can’t hurt anything.”
According to the BBC, Japan continues to break records for long, healthy lives: “The number of people in Japan aged 100 or older has risen to a record high of nearly 100,000, its government has announced. Setting a new record for the 55th year in a row, the number of centenarians in Japan was 99,763 as of September.”
100-year history
In a recent article, Yahoo!life explains that this tradition has been around for nearly a century. “Radio Taiso has an almost 100-year history,” write article author Stephen Wade, “formally introduced in 1928 and coinciding with the enthronement of Emperor Hirohito. The tradition endures because the exercises are suitable for all ages and capabilities, and easily accessible.”
Even more interestingly, Wade shares the roots of the exercise, writing, “Radio Taiso was inspired a century ago by a similar radio program in the United States sponsored by the Metropolitan Life Insurance Co. The Japan Radio Taiso Federation says officials of the postal ministry visited the United States in the 1920s and returned to Japan with the concept.”
The Japan Society explains that these routines, of course, are helpful for all ages. On their website they write, “Fun for children and adults alike, Radio Taiso is commonly used for group warm-ups in Japan and the whole school will participate in the exercises at the beginning of school Sports Day.”
They add that it gained popularity because of the positive mental and physical effects it seemed to have on citizens. “The purpose of Radio Taiso is to improve general health and fitness,” they write, “and the routine is therefore designed to be simple and accessible to all. It requires no equipment, can be done in a small space, and can be modified for those with mobility issues.”
Simple movements
The movements, as mentioned, are simple. Similarly to yoga, it begins with arm exercises. Participants lift their arms up and move them in gentle circles. Then, they slightly bend and twist their legs.
This continues for about ten-second intervals, adding bends in each direction, like a ballet routine. Then, there’s more twists, shoulder movements, slight hopping, and squats. Wade shares, “Each movement is repeated four to eight times, with instructions throughout to relax, breathe, and inhale and exhale slowly.”
Kodomokai
I reached out to an old high school friend, Nathan Hillyer, who has been living in Japan for quite some time. He confirmed that while it still exists, it’s mostly practiced by and beneficial to the elderly. “In the park near where I live, old people tend to go there to do it. It is run by NHK Radio 1 at 6:30 in the morning,” he shares.
He adds that his wife, Asuka Hillyer, shared that she would wake up early to do it back in the day. “My wife said when she was a kid, she would do it as a part of the ‘kodomokai’ (community kids club). They would get a stamp or something every morning, and if they had a certain number by the end of the year, they would get a prize. They would show up wearing their community paper kind of tied around their neck.”
Hillyer also recalled that the radio exercises began in the West. “I remember watching old American comedies in black and white, maybe W.C. Fields or something like that. They were in funny situations in which someone is trying to do their radio exercises and hearing the voice, but either they can’t keep up or something happens in the real space which is not matching the radio routine.”
He adds, “In Japan, it is quite the phenomenon because the Japanese tend to be very community-oriented.”
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Fake towns on real maps: Why ‘phantom settlements’ exist and how one became real…sort of
Algoe, New York, was a fake town at the heart of a legal dispute between two mapmakers.
When you look at a state map, you see cities and towns of various sizes and populations. Even the tiniest towns with a handful of people—or even just one resident—have a place on the map.
One might assume, then, that every named town on every published map is a real place. But as it turns out, there have been imaginary towns on maps, from centuries ago up until the relatively recent past. And they were published that way on purpose.
The map trap was a clever way to prevent plagiarism
They’re called “phantom settlements” or “paper towns” and are part of a phenomenon known as map traps. Basically, map traps are place names conjured out of thin air and put on a map to protect a mapmaker’s copyright.
It may seem strange for a professional mapmaker to make a map wrong on purpose, but it’s actually rather brilliant. Historically, cartography has been an incredibly important profession. Before the Internet and global positioning systems, paper maps were how people oriented themselves and found their way from place to place. Creating an accurate map was a vital and valuable skill.
If a cartographer created and published a map, they wouldn’t want people to plagiarize it. Inventing phantom settlements—pretend places with fake names that only exist on a map—was a way for cartographers to essentially “watermark” their original maps. If someone else made a map that included the fake town (or street or other detail), it would be clear whose map they had plagiarized.
Two women looking at a map. Photo credit: Canva The confusing nonexistence of Algoe, New York
One of these phantom settlement map traps was (or wasn’t?) Algoe, New York. If you’ve read John Green’s novel Paper Towns, you’re probably familiar with it. It’s not a real town. It never existed.
Algoe was the brainchild of Otto Lindberg and Ernest Alpers from General Drafting Company. In the 1930s, they were commissioned to create a map of New York and dropped the fictional Algoe at a dirt road intersection in the Catskill Mountains.
Some years later, Rand McNally published a map that included Algoe. The trap worked. Or did it? When General Drafting threatened to sue the mapmaking giant, Rand McNally told them they would lose.
Who knew a general store could be enough to prove a place existed? Photo credit: Canva In an ironic twist of events, an “Algoe General Store” had been built at the intersection where Algoe was located (but didn’t really exist) on the map. The store owner had seen Algoe on the map and named his general store accordingly. Rand McNally claimed it had obtained the coordinates for Algoe from county records. And those records showed the Algoe General Store located at that place on the map, hence Algoe showing up on their map.
Do map traps still exist in the age of online maps?
Though there wasn’t a real town there and the shop didn’t last long, the general store’s name was enough to prove that a place called Algoe did exist. In fact, it was apparently included on Google Maps up until 2014, even though it was never actually a real place.
Today, if you type “Algoe, New York” into a Google Maps search, it comes back with a “no results” message. The same goes for “goblu” and “beatosu,” two fictional places in Michigan that were included in the official map of Michigan in 1978. (Variations of “Go Blue” and “Beat OSU” were a shout-out to the rivalry between the University of Michigan and Ohio State University by Peter Fletcher, the former chairman of the Michigan State Highway Commission. The map was also reprinted after some complaints.)
It’s hard to know how many phantom settlements in countries around the world have snuck into our modern navigation systems, but by now, it’s safe to guess they’ve mostly, if not entirely, been weeded out.
But hey, if you want to invent your own town, maybe start by building a general store with your proposed town’s name on it. It seems to be the way to go.
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Relationship coach reveals 5 rules she and her wife ‘never break’ to still feel like newlyweds
“Rule 5: A 30 second hug before any hard conversation.”
Most married couples are aware of the alarming statistics: About 40-50% of first marriages are destined to end in divorce. On the bright side, that’s a number that has been falling steadily since the 1980s as people get married later and are more selective before settling down. On the bleaker side, it still means that “happily ever after” is hardly a guarantee.
Couples who are determined to buck the trend all have their own approach. It could be proactive couples’ therapy, a weekly date night, or the classic “never go to bed angry.” Some even have hard “rules” that neither is allowed to break, all in the name of protecting the relationship.
Couples coach shares the rules that she actually uses in her own marriage
Adele is a relationship coach who runs Happy Couples Connect. She has over half a million followers on social media and teaches adults “how to communicate in a healthy way so you can feel heard, valued, loved, and respected in your relationship.”
On Instagram, her bio tagline reads: “This page is for you if marriage is hard right now but you’re not ready to give up.”
Adele’s content resonates with her audience because she’s not afraid to share the real, uncomfortable truths from her own relationship. She says there was a time when there wasn’t a disagreement that wasn’t met with an explosive fight or a silent treatment. Fixing that is what inspired Adele to start her practice.
In a recent post on Instagram, Adele shares the five rules that she and her wife “never break.” She adds that a few years ago, these rules “didn’t exist” and the couple were on the brink of divorce.
The five rules of marriage, according to this relationship coach. Experts agree.
Adele lists out her relationship’s rules in the caption, and while it starts off with a few easier-said-than-done common sense policies, there are a few surprises on the list:
“Rule 1: We treat each other like two humans, not two perfect robots. We both mess up. Expecting perfection does not raise the standard. It just grows resentment.”
Other relationship experts might call this assuming the best in your partner. It’s terrific life advice when dealing with anyone you like, love, or respect. Come into disagreements with the understanding that they care and are trying, not assuming bad intentions.
“Rule 2: We choose to focus on what the other is doing right. The more we look for it, the more we see it. What you focus on expands. We choose to make that a gift.”
A natural tie-in to Rule 1, but it’s definitely easier to preach than to put into practice. It’s easy to nitpick and criticize all the little things our partner doesn’t do for us, meanwhile we’re overlooking the dozens of other things they are doing. It’s a rapid way to build resentment or contempt, which is the number one predictor of divorce.
“Rule 3: No phones after dinner. Because if they are within reach we will scroll, disconnect, and then wonder why we do not feel close.”
Tons of research has been done to show that cell phones can negatively impact our relationships if we’re not careful. In basic terms, scrolling your phone when your partner is nearby can make them feel less important. “When we sit down for dinner with our famlies and we put the phone on the table, it sends a psychological message to everyone sitting there that ‘You are not the most important thing to me right now,” says Simon Sinek.
“Rule 4: No hard conversations after 9 p.m. Late at night everything feels bigger than it is. We talk when we are rested, not exhausted.”
This is a popular concept in therapy and counseling circles. Not only does getting into a heated argument right before bed ruin your sleep, thereby making you crankier the next day, these arguments escalate more than they would during the day.
“Your amygdala (your emotional alarm system) becomes more reactive when you’re sleep-deprived or simply tired at the end of a long day. This combination means you’re more likely to perceive threat or criticism in neutral statements, react more defensively, say things you don’t mean, and struggle to see your partner’s perspective,” writes Quadra Wellness.
“Rule 5: A 30 second hug before any hard conversation. It lowers tension, reminds us we are on the same team and resets our nervous systems before we say a word.”
A hug is one of the most powerful human acts. A long, genuine hug with someone you love lowers stress, boosts oxytocin (the love hormone that makes you feel deep bonds and connection), and makes you happier. This puts you in a much more stable mindset before tackling hard conversations.
Relationship and communication skills don’t grow without effort
You’d think that being with someone for a long time would mean steadily learning to improve your communication over the years. That’s not always the case. In fact, often the opposite happens.
Little disagreements and petty grudges don’t get communicated effectively. They’re kept inside and they snowball into criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling. These are what groundbreaking marriage therapist John Gottman calls “the four horsemen.” Once these start showing up regularly in your relationships, you’re in big trouble.
Even the best couples have to work at their communication skills constantly. Not everyone writes their rules down; sometimes they’re unspoken. But even silly or clinical sounding rules like these can turn a good relationship into one that’s really prepared to last a lifetime.
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