Facebook is critical to our success and we could use your help. It will only take a few clicks on your device. But it would mean the world to us.
Here’s the link . Once there, hit the Follow button. Hit the Follow button again and choose Favorites. That’s it!
If you’d like to know why this is so important for us, you can read more about it here .
Want out of a relationship rut? The Three hour night might be the perfect solution.
Almost every long term relationship suffers from a rut eventually. That goes especially for married partners who become parents and have the added responsibility of raising kids. Maintaining a connection is hard enough in this busy, fast-paced world. Top it off with making sure kids are awake, dressed, entertained, well fed, oh yeah, and alive…and you best believe all you have energy for at the end of the day is sitting on the couch barely making it through one episode of your favorite show on Netflix.
And yet, we know how important it is to maintain a connection with our spouses. Many of us just don’t know how to make that happen while juggling a million other things. According to one mom, a “three-hour night” could be just the thing to tick off multiple boxes on the to-do list while rekindling romance at the same time. Talk about the ultimate marriage hack.
A couple that has lost their spark.via Canva/Photos
The three-hour night was something that Rachel Higgins and her husband began incorporating into their lives at the beginning of 2024. And so far, “it's been so fun and such...a game changer for how our evenings go,” she says in a clip posted to TikTok.
Before using the three-hour night, the evening would look a bit like this: their daughter would go to bed, they would lounge on the couch, scroll through social media, then fall asleep. Sound familiar?
But with a three-hour night, Higgins and her husband divvy up the time before bed into three sections, each for a different focus.In the first hour, starting around 7 p.m., is what Higgins calls “productive time,” during which the couple sees to any household chores that might need to be done.
“So, start with like a quick cleanup of the kitchen or just like things that accumulated throughout the day, and then we try to do something that either ... has been being put off or cleaning the bathroom or like organizing the pantry or hall closet or something like, super random like sharpening the knives. Anything that's productive for the household,” she explains.
@rachelleehiggins if you’re stuck in a rut with your evenings try this! i saw someone do something similar to this a while ago but can’t remember who! #marriage #1sttimeparents #newyearsgoals
Next, the second hour is geared towards re-establishing a physical or emotional connection in their marriage. The phones go away, and they focus only on enjoying one another.
“So, that could be things like showering together or ‘having fun’ together, playing a game together, or just like anything that's gonna get you guys talking and connecting or like debriefing from the day or just like talking about what you're doing and like the plans for tomorrow or like how work's going or whatever. So, anything that's gonna connect and strengthen and build your marriage,” Higgins says.
Lastly, the final hour of the night is dedicated to anything Higgins and her husband individually want to do, any sort of personal recharge activity. Since this is a judgment-free time, Higgins states that “If you just want to lie on the couch and scroll your phone and watch TikToks or whatever, like watch YouTube videos,” it’s totally acceptable.
A happy couple in bed.via Canva/Photos
Higgins’ novel approach definitely interested viewers, who chimed in with their own questions. One major concern was how the heck this could be done every night. But even Higgins admits that she and her husband don’t succeed at having a three-hour night every night—they usually try for about 3-4 times a week. And honestly, even once a week could still probably be beneficial in building intimacy.
"Such a good idea. Good for us empty nesters too! The phone scrolling is outta control!"one commenter wrote. "This is really cool. The housework is equal. The emotional connection is equal and the self care is equal. No room for resentment," another added. "We don’t have kids yet but I love this and want to do it because the nights slip away so fast!!" a commenter added.
Others wondered how to have a three-hour night when things randomly popped up in their schedule, like when kids won’t magically go to sleep promptly at 7pm. Higgins shares that in these cases, they tend to just shorten each phase. The point being: these can and probably should be customizable, even fun, rather than yet another rigid chore.
Plus, a three-hour night (or whatever your version of a three-hour night may be) is a great way to remind yourself just how high a priority your relationship has in your life, no matter what else is going on at the time. Odds are you'll probably find you do have more time for it than you previously thought.
This article originally appeared last year.
A woman ruffled some feathers with a tour of her $650 NYC micro apartment.
They say New York City is the City of Dreams. Young people all over the world flock to the city when they're ready to start chasing after their biggest ambitions. If you have a passion for theater, television, or the arts, there's no better place to be. Want to become a successful and prestigious stock broker, lawyer, or investment banker? It's all New York, baby. It's a city of immense opportunity and tough competition, but that's what makes it full of life and culture for those who choose to live there.
But all of that doesn't come cheap. The average rent in New York for even just a small, studio apartment is $3,264 per month. That buys you less than 500 square feet. And, even though it seems like you're really pinching pennies by living somewhere so cramped, that price tag is enormous! Even if you account for the higher-than-average salaries in New York.
Most young people just getting started in their careers can't afford that. Not to mention, the competition for good-quality apartments in New York is cutthroat. Still, people are desperate to live there by any means necessary, which has given rise to some really fascinating (and, in some cases, slightly horrifying) micro apartments.
In 2023, one woman went viral for showing off her New York micro apartment. It clocks in at just 80 square feet and cost her, at the time, a meager $650 per month.
If you like spending all your money on rent, New York is awesome! Giphy
YouTuber Caleb Simpson interviewed the woman, Alaina, for his channel that specializes in featuring interesting and unique living spaces. Alaina's apartment definitely qualifies, though technically the square footage is 80x150, because she's including the vertical space. Every square inch counts!
"So really it just feels like a walk-in closet," Simpson remarks upon entering through the front door.
Alaina shows Simpson around the apartment, which includes a tiny living room slash kitchen area with a mini-fridge, a small sink, and a small stove and microwave. In the main living area, she's placed a fold-out sofa of sorts. Alaina's makeup and pantry foods are all crammed into one small cabinet.
From there...well, there's not much left to see. But Alaina and Simpson check out the loft, which holds Alaina's bed and a little extra storage in the form of hooks where she hangs her bags and purses.
The apartment has no windows. There is a storage cupboard under the stairs, but it's hard to access.
"Every time I want to get something out, something else has to move," Alaina says.
As far as a bathroom, Alaina is lucky enough to have her very own private bathroom complete with shower! Many New York micro apartments feature communal or shared bathrooms, so the private bath is a plus for this tiny space. However, hers is located separate from her apartment, down the hall. And, you might be surprised to hear, it's extremely tiny.
Alaina admits she previously lived in a "luxury" apartment that cost over $3,000 per month, but she wanted to free up money to travel, which prompted her to downgrade.
Watch the whole tour here:
- YouTube www.youtube.com
Alaina says her tiny apartment was a "hot commodity" when she signed the lease, beating out tons of other prospective renters.
Commenters on the video, which has a staggering 24 million views, were more or less horrified at the conditions that New Yorkers were competing over:
"Firetrap . No exits , no windows with fresh air . Cooking with no air flow . Crazy this is even happening"
"I can't even breathe looking at this tiny apartment"
"'In a van, down by the river' has never sounded better."
"NYC should be ashamed and embarrassed to relegate people to live in this kind of space. Not only does it look uncomfortable / unhealty but It looks extremely dangerous. NYC should do better in providing affordable housing with decent square footage."
It's cool and scrappy that Alaina makes the pint-sized apartment work for her as she pursues her dream of living in New York City. We might find it claustrophobic, but the fact that multiple renters were fighting over this space really says a lot about the way our culture is moving.
Younger millennials and Gen Z are sick of chasing after the American Dream of the single-family home with a white picket fence and a golden retriever.
The City That Never Sleeps Giphy
It's hopelessly out of reach for many of them anyway due to skyrocketing housing prices and stagnant wages. So, they can work their fingers to the bone with multiple jobs and maybe afford a slightly better apartment, but still not be able to save enough for the future—or they could actually enjoy their life with the money they do have.
NBC News writes, "Several years out of Covid lockdowns, younger Americans’ outlays on things like travel, recreation and dining out have been outpacing their older peers’ even as the economy slows. As of last summer, the average Gen Zer or millennial was dropping over $400 a month on nonessentials, compared to about $250 for Gen Xers and less than $200 for baby boomers."
In another YouTube interview, Alaina admits to spending big money on her monthly gym membership: over $300 per month, to be exact. Commenters chastised her for having her priorities mixed up, but honestly, there's nothing backwards at all about wanting to relax at your gym's spa after a long day of work, or travel to the far ends of the world, versus spending all of your money on an OK-but-still-crappy apartment.
In an update in the YouTube video's caption, Simpson writes that Alaina chose not to renew her lease in the micro apartment after filming. But that doesn't mean she regrets her stay.
"It's an adventure," Alaina says. "People need a lot less than they think they need."
Mary Lentz in her viral TikTok video
After more than 10 years in Los Angeles, I've learned that the city's dating scene and my life goals are fundamentally misaligned. While I dream of becoming a wife and mother, I've encountered countless men in their 30's who aren't ready to settle down.
Most of my meaningful connections have been with men outside of LA. I'm picky, I have high standards, I know I'm a catch, and I refuse to settle just because the dating pool feels shallow.
My pool is also naturally smaller than most: I’m 6’ tall and looking for a man who shares the same faith that I do. I also need a half-glass full kind of guy who is assertive and communicates well. The past few years have been discouraging. I've met promising men only to hit the same dealbreaker repeatedly: they're not open to distance.
Meanwhile, I'm willing to relocate because I don't want to raise a family in LA. Whether that's another city entirely or somewhere like Ventura County, I'm flexible about geography in a way that many LA men aren't. I also don’t understand that if a man is ready to settle down, and I’m willing to move, why not invest in a season of plane tickets and FaceTimes if the reward is potentially finding your future Mrs?
TikTok · maryinthemiddle www.tiktok.com
2864 likes, 1038 comments. “get me off the market!! dating in 2025 is a joke and so maybe tiktok will be more helpful than the 5 dating apps I’m on. way too much money has been invested in the apps just to use their filters that have only yielded ghosting or dates where the man didn’t plan. i’m in Los Angeles but open to relocating (please note: I DO have a hard time in humidity and would consider myself a city girl, however I can do suburbs as long as it’s driving distance to a city). Much love, let’s do this ❤️”
The inspiration for my TikTok video came from seeing a 30-something woman on IG essentially marketing herself to single men. I thought it was brave, and it got me thinking: what do I have to lose? So on a whim, I posted my own version. The response has been random and interesting.
I've received an overwhelming amount of DMs, but most are from men with no videos, no photos, and usernames like "Lakers_Riley47" which feels like catfish territory.
I've had gems of ladies reach out suggesting I DM their brothers or friends, buuut here's the thing: if they think we'd be a good match, they can share my post with said prince charming and let him reach out to me.
Someone commented that my video "seems desperate." I responded "I am," because, duh, I am desperate, clearly. I’m content and enjoying my life, but I believe in the verse "knock and the door will open for you." Knocking requires action, and in 2025, knocking means posting a TikTok marketing yourself. I don’t think dating apps go in your favor, the apps I’m on have felt endless and fruitless, and waiting around for chance encounters wasn't getting me closer to my goals. So I decided to take control and put myself out there in a way that felt authentic to who I am and what I want.
What if middle-aged women are just discovering their superpowers?
The social media era has had its pitfalls, but some positives have come from it as well. One benefit of people publicly sharing their lives is that it's opened up conversations about things we didn't openly talk about before. If you have a physical or mental health issue, you can now easily find a community of people with shared experiences instead of feeling alone or isolated in your struggles.
Perimenopause has become a big topic of discussion online, and it's making so many middle-aged women feel less alone in the wild ride that it is. The years preceding menopause are rife with dozens of potential symptoms that suddenly come out of nowhere and stay for an undetermined amount of time. Not just hot flashes, which everyone knows about, but random things like itching all over, joint pain, brain fog, frozen shoulder, sleep disturbances, slowed metabolism, irritability, anxiety, and more. The hormonal shift is powerful and impacts everything.
Hot flashes? How about "power surges"?Photo credit: Canva
It's hard for women who are going through "the change" to explain it. But unexpectedly, there's a man who's given an incredibly empowering description of perimenopause in a video captioned "YOUR MIDLIFE WIFE IS WONDER-WOMAN" that's gone viral for just the right reasons.
"So your partner, she's going through her midlife 'reset,'" Michael Hunter (@uspiral.life) begins, speaking to partners of women in this stage. "The hot flash years, and you think she's being a little moody, snapping more than usual, forgetful, foggy, fried. Congratulations, because you're not witnessing her fall apart. You're witnessing her upgrade."
And every middle-aged woman's ears just perked up.
[instagram https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMoHliWuNwf/?igsh=aXo0dWcwdmc3OGVq) expand=1 site_id=19596302 embed_desktop_width=540 embed_desktop_height=989 embed_mobile_width=375 embed_mobile_height=782]"Welcome to the divine demolition phase of her existence," he continued. "'Cause everything that doesn't serve her? Her hormones are throwing that in the fire. Compliance? Burned. People pleasing? Torched. Tolerance for your nonsense? Ashes. She's not becoming unstable. She's becoming unavailable for the roles, the rules, and the rhythms that were never designed for her power."
PREACH, SIR. (I mean, please continue, by all means.)
"So check it," he goes on, "her estrogen is dropping, which means her capacity to sacrifice herself is silently plummeting, too. And the hormones that once kept her agreeable? They're packing their bags. She's no longer chemically encouraged to make you feel safe at her own expense. And you're calling that a problem? It's a wake-up call.
Perimenopause is a wake-up call. Giphy
"Her nervous system is recalibrating. Her brain is rewiring. And her body is asking better questions, like, 'Why am I carrying this marriage?' 'Why do I say yes when I mean hell no?' and 'Why is everyone around me so damn loud and needy?'"
Seriously, who is this guy?
"She's not being hormonal," he says, "She's being clairvoyant. She's finally seeing through the performance, the politics, and the pressure. She's deleting what no longer aligns, and she's upgrading to a new operating system: Truth 3.0 with zero buffer time for B.S.
"This is your opportunity to rise along with her, man. This is your opportunity to grow. So next time you catch her looking like might spontaneously combust, don't flinch. Witness her. Because if you can survive the fire, you might just get to meet the woman who she was always meant to be."
Menopausal woman discover their superpowers.Photo credit: Canva
Ordinarily, a man explaining perimenopause would have us all rolling our eyes and tossing around the word "mansplain," but Hunter received the social media equivalent of standing ovation in the comments from women who finally felt seen in his words:
"Omg who are you and where have you been all our lives?!? Thank you on behalf of all of us…can you come speak to my kids next??😂🔥🙌"
"Who are you? 😂 we like you (a lot) and nominate you our midlife spokesperson!!! ❤️🙌"
"The first time I have truly loved a man explaining something that happens to a woman. GO : Ladies send to your husbands and get those husbands to send it to all their friends. 🙌🙌"
"You just became the sexiest man ALIVE! Knowledge applied correctly….sexy!😍💯👏❤️"
"Your words made me tear up, so powerful thank you 🙌"
Standing ovation for Michael Hunter Giphy GIF by Film Independent Spirit Awards
"Thanks for making us feel normal instead of washed up goods. I find it hilarious learning that menopause is why I can no longer tolerate ANY amount of BS😂 it’s been like a light switch. I feel like I just woke up one day & decided I was done with so much crap that I’ve tolerated in the past…I appreciate the positive spin he puts on this! Blessings my fellow menopause-ers!!"
"That has to be the best and most kind description of menopause I've ever heard. Fantastic. 😍"
"You couldn’t have said it better. It’s nice to hear a man have this perspective."
Someone even nominated Hunter to be an honorary member of the We Do Not Care Club. (Explained here, if you don't know.)
In all seriousness, though, the way he describes what's happening at this stage of life is spot on and such a refreshingly different way of perceiving it than we glean from society. And the fact that it's coming from a man is a strange kind of relief—like we don't have to try to explain ourselves because someone outside of it gets it.
Rock on, Michael Hunter. Thanks for the morale boost and for the education of our loved ones.
You can follow @upspiral.life on Instagram for more.
